/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[EXPERT PROGRAMMER No.]

Have you read your SICP today, /jp/?

[Anonymous No.]

Never read that book because I learn by doing, especially programming

[My other car is a... No.]

of course, every morning before suhoor i gather with my family to read SICP together with them ALHAMDULLILAH!

[My other car is a... No.]

Japanese bird reading her SICP!

Her name is POLECAT KEBABS!

[My other car is a... No.]

Reimu stole the precious thing! (The Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programming, MIT Press)

[EXPERT PROGRAMMER No.]

"Please... please let me go ze~"

The black-white pleaded to the rainbow magician; while battling the forceful urge within her, Marisa begged again. With tears in her eyes, her actions were simply ignored by an apathetic Alice; sitting not even five feet away and reading a book, peering out the corner of her eye at the witch's struggle. Her many dolls completely restricting Marisa's movement in her time of desperation.

"You must..." the witch whined, "please, release your dolls! I can't take it much more..."

Alice remained idle and flipped a page in her book. The pressure within the Marisa grew greater with every passing second, a force that she could never prevent merely with knowledge and wit.

"I... beg of you... please..." a mixture of tears and sweat streamed from the witch's face and made its way to the magician's wooden floor.

"I... I..." with her last shred of willpower, Marisa fell to the floor. With her face down, in a shameless admit of defeat, a puddle formed from under her; the liquid passing through the thin fabric and drenched her dress within mere seconds. A smirk appeared on Alice's face as the liquid expanded on her floor and made it's way up Marisa's body; the magician placed her book down and walked passed the witch, stepping in the shallow puddle of Marisa's urine.

"I hate you... you damn bitch." With her head still facing the floor, tears multiplied in the witch's eyes and diffused with liquid she exerted moments ago. Whelps and sobs came from Marisa's mouth along with mumbles of "damn Alice..." and "I'll never forgive you."

The magician walked back into the room and tapped the witch on the shoulder; looking up, she saw Alice's hand reaching out. Knowing she couldn't continue to wallow in her piss, she picked herself up and hung her head as Alice lead her to another room.

In Alice's bedroom with the door shut behind them, the magician began to remove the soiled dress of the witch; however, she was met with a forceful hand.

"What are you doing ze~? I don't need your help," muddled Marisa with the slightest hint of red in her cheek. "I can do this myself. Also, what are those things..." she pointed to her bed. Alice picked up one of the white objects; "those can't be..." the magician nodded.

Marisa signed with a hint of disgust, "You get weirder everyday, doll freak..." A thought occurred. "Hey, wait, why do you even have those things?" Hesitant, Alice lifted her skirt and revealed that she herself was wearing a diaper. Despite the humility that bestowed onto Marisa minutes ago, a smile came to her face. "So it is true, you do lea..."
Alice forcefully grunted and a trio of dolls surrounded the witch. One quickly flew behind Marisa and untied her apron and the other two grabbed the straps of her dress and lifted it over her head; the dolls then flew off with the garments. Before the black-white had a chance to fight it, she stood in Alice's bedroom with nothing but her shirt and soaked bloomers.

Alice, face redden, placed her hand on the witch's shoulders and led her to her bed. Marisa, unsure of what she should do, was forcefully seated on the edge and pushed back by the doll otaku.

Alice excitingly placed her fingers on the witch's waist; as she was about to pull down her bloomers, the magician was met with Marisa's grasp.

"No, ze~. Don't you dare do that." Just then, a group of dolls flew onto Marisa and restrained her arms and legs once again. "Dammit, ze~; let me go!" Alice ignored the demand and pulled down the wet bloomers. Staring at what was now exposed, trickles of blood dripped from the magician's nose.

"You sad, lonely freak." Marisa remarked as it was all she could do. Wiping the drippings of passion from her face, she slid the diaper under Marisa. Sprinkling a blot of powder onto the area, she quickly taped the garment into position before she fainted from blood loss.

Regaining her composure, Alice witnessed what she had accomplished and let out a delightful smile. Flushed with redness, she placed her face next to Marisa's and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Then with a soft giggle, she slowly walked toward the door.

"I'll make some tea and cakes." The dollmaster opened the door and exited the room; her minions release their grasp on the witch and followed.

Marisa sat up, hearing the unfamiliar crinkle as Alice's success, and pondered what the magician really meant to her.

Suddenly, a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes materialized in front of them, and in a loud booming hiss, asked "Have you read your SICP today?"

The surroundings faded into blackness and within a few moments the group found themselves seated in a lecture hall at MIT, amongst several dozen other students. "Welcome to 6.001" was written on the blackboard, and Professor Gerald Jay Sussman walked into the room, dressed in his robe and wizard hat.

"Is this a hack?" he asked as he glanced around and saw the witch, the magician, Alice, and Marisa.

[EXPERT PROGRAMMER No.]

"What...?" Marisa managed to say, all of the confused by what had just happened.

"Nevermind, let's start the lecture." The Sussman said softly.

"I'd like to welcome you to this course on computer science. ... Actually, it's a terrible way to start. Computer science is a terrible name for this business. First of all it's not a science." The Sussman lectured while the students sat and listened attentively.

"What's going on?" Alice whispered to Marisa.

"I have no idea. But this is getting interesting."

"Or we'll actually see that computer... so-called science actually has a lot in common with magic." The Sussman continued.

"But... how can he do that? He's only a human, right?" the witch whispered.

The Sussman, who up until now had paid no attention to the group, turned and stared at the witch with an astonished expression.

"What did you just say?" he asked, pointing his wand at the witch.

All of the other students turned in the direction of the group.

"Nothing," she answered quietly.

"I hope so," The Sussman said in stern tone, ending his pointing with the wand.

"And... well I guess you know everyone needs a magical language and sorcerers, right, real sorcerers use ancient Arcadian, or Sumerian, or Babylonian or whatever. We're gonna control our spirits in a magical language called LISP, which is a language designed for talking about... for casting the spells that are procedures to direct the processes," the Sussman continued, waving his wand around as he spoke.

"What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," Patchouli muttered almost inaudibly.

Once again, the Sussman quickly turned and stared at her, retrieving his wand and pointing at her with it.

"Excuse me?" he asked, "What did you say again?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying to avoid attention.

"No, I'm pretty sure you said something. Please repeat it for us, so as not to miss a fine learning opportunity."

"She said, 'What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic'," Koakuma exclaimed. At the sound of those words the Sussman's face turned a bright red.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!!" The Sussman shouted angrily. "By the power of the Y combinator I send thee to the land of Java!"

"Now perish!" The Sussman shouted, conjuring a huge pair of parentheses from his wand, which surrounded the group and enveloped them in a closure.

"What do we do now?!?!" Koakuma screamed at Patchouli. "I don't know!" she shouted angrily in reply as the both of them hammered as hard as they could against the invisible, unyielding walls of the closure.

"I hope you learned your lesson, freaks!" The Sussman exclaimed, as the closure rose up towards the ceiling with the two trapped inside, exploding into a shower of white parentheses as it hit the top. The Sussman returned the wand to his pocket and continued lecturing.

...

"Where... are we?" Koakuma whispered as she opened her eyes to find Patchouli lying next to her.

"I think that guy said something about the 'land of Java'" Patchouli said in a low voice as they both sat up to find themselves in an empty office cubicle. The sound of mouse clicks and typing could be heard coming from around them.

They cautiously walked towards the opening of the cubicle, which lead to a long, brightly lit hallway that seemed to go on forever.

"Let's find a way out of this place," Koakuma said.

They walked into the cubicle beside the one they respawned in, but it wasn't empty; there was a desk, a computer, and an expressionless, bald man with startingly white skin sat there, staring into the monitor and pressing the keys frantically. They could see he was playing Perfect Cherry Blossom.

"Umm... excuse me? Could you ---" Koakuma began.

The man remained focused on the game.

"Hello?!?!" Patchouli screamed at him while waving her arms across his eyes. The man remained undisturbed, and continued to graze with astonishing accuracy. Even when she covered her eyes completely he did not miss at all.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" she exclaimed, kicking him and then the monitor; but nothing refused to move --- it was as if there was a barrier surrounding him.

Seeing that nothing in the cubicle would respond to their attempts at moving or destroying it, they gave up and walked out into the hallway.

"This place sure is wierd," Patchouli commented sadly, "let's see what's in the other ones."

They visited several more cubicles, but the situation was the same; in each one was a man playing one of the Touhou series, and none of them could be disturbed by anything they did. After a while, it became apparent that almost every one of the cubicles was identical, and the hallway seemed to go on forever in either direction.

They continued to walk in silence, looking into the cubicles on either side for any sign of escape. One of them seemed to be empty except for a single purple book lying exactly in the middle, and aligned perfectly with the four walls.

[EXPERT PROGRAMMER No.]

"This one's different! But... what can we do?" Koakuma said as they entered it.

Patchouli reached for the book, and to their surprise it moved with her touch. She picked it up and turned it over.

On the cover was a picture of a wizard and the words "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs".

"Structure and Inter--- wait, is this the SICP that snake mentioned before we ---" Koakuma exclaimed.

"I think I remember now!" Patchouli shouted excitedly. "It said something about reading SICP!" She opened it and turned to the first chapter.

They started reading the first chapter, and just as they finished the first section, the lights of the cubicle flickered and the two of them were once again immersed in darkness.

"What now?" Koakuma asked, "didn't we read it?"

A deep rumbling sound was heard, and the floor began to shake. They held onto each other as they felt themselves falling through it, then fainting.

They woke up to find that they were back where they started, and the huge black snake head was still staring at them. Patchouli continued to hold the purple book tightly against her chest.

"You have read your SICP today", the head hissed before disappearing into the air.

"Are you borrowing that book?" Patchouli looked up to see a young man smiling at her.

"Umm... hi," she replied weakly, "No, but..."

"Didn't I see you... nevermind. Can I have the book?"

"Ok..." Patchouli said as she gave the book to him, "by the way, didn't I see you..."

"You two were at that lecture hall and..." he started, "I think I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Sakai Yuji."

"I'm Patchouli Knowledge," she replied.

"You can just call me Koakuma," her partner said.

"What happened? Did the professor...?" he started to say.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you the details if you really want."

"No, I have to go now. Nice meeting you two."

The two of them watched as he walked over to the checkout counter, where the single asian girl had been there earlier. They saw her show her tits to him, though they couldn't hear what they said to each other. Then he walked outside and onto a bus, which seemed to turn black and snakelike as it drove away.

"Such perverted beings, these humans," Koakuma said to Patchouli

[Anonymous No.]

My /prog/ board is across from the /jp/ board. We usually get alot of rude remarks from them, such as lambda abstractions being for weaklings.

Well, one of them challenged me, he was a white male in his 20's. I accepted of course, I never back down from a challenge.

He had really good form, but his Are you frustrated?ing was no match for my SICP image macro spam. He delivered a great image of a Japanese bird cooking spaghetti but it was nothing for me, I easily reported it and GIMPed it into a Jewish wizard conjuring SICP. This went on for about 10 minutes until he got too tired.

He got frustrated and left, he was about to cross the board line but I stopped him from getting hit by a speeding progsnake aimed for his anus. He didn't say thanks but it still felt good to save someone.

[Anonymous No.]

I am a computer programmer, which means I'm fat, nerdy, and have a tiny cock. I got AIDS from paying a cheap whore to fuck me, since I have no love in my life.
When the doctor told me, I went to the only thing I knew -- SICP.
I slammed my penis between two copies of SICP. It swelled up to twice normal size and fell off. I was worried.
I woke up the next day with incredible abs, a 14" rod of steel, and no HIV. I'm now an adult movie star, banging porn stars.
Thank you, SICP!

[Anonymous No.]

This may sound odd, but I think my dog is Gerald Jay Sussman. It all started when I came home from work one day to find my computer with Emacs running with lisp. Odd because I turn my computer off when I leave for work. The next I came home, my computer was off, but my dog was on my couch reading SICP. I swear, he was lying there with the book open. I don't even own a copy. I took it from him and he tried to bite me. A few days later, I got a letter in my mail sent to Gerald Jay Sussman. Some university wanting him to teach a class on lisp. Another strange thing, is that when he barks, it almost sounds like he's yelling 'cudder' for some odd reason. He also somehow burned a CD with 'We conjure the spirits of the computer with our spells' song. When ever I have to take him in the car he has to play it. Can someone help me?

[Anonymous No.]

HI, I AM G.J. SUSSMAN, FOUNDER AND CEO OF SICP. WHILE LAMENTING OVER THE LACK OF FORCED INDENTATION IN SCHEME LAST NIGHT, YOUR MOTHER CALLED ME AND ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO HELP HER WITH A SICP EXERCISE; BEING THE FINE GENTLEMAN THAT I AM, I PUT ON MY DAPPER WIZARD HAT AND ROBE AND WENT OVER TO HER HOUSE. ROGUISHLY SNEAKING THROUGH THE BACK DOOR I KNOCKED HER OUT WITH A CUDDER AND TORE THE GARMENTS OFF HER RIPE BODY. HER FULL BREASTS AROUSED ME TO THE DEGREE THAT MY EVALUATOR STOOD STRAIGHT IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO DO A LAZY COMPUTATION. NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTAIN MYSELF, I SHOVED MY RIGHTEOUS SUSSBOY IN THE MANHOLE OF THE FINE LASS. IT WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT DESIGNED FOR A MAN OF MY OBSCENE GIRTH, AND SHE WOKE UP FROM THE PAIN. NOT CARING ABOUT ANYTHING BUT MY MANLINESS, I CONTINUED THRUSTING AS SHE FAINTED AGAIN FROM THE AGONIZING TORTURE OF THE TRIPEDAL CREATURE LOOMING OVER HER. IN A MINUTE I WAS ABOUT TO EXPLODE WITH THE FORCE OF SEVERAL ANGRY SUPERNOVAS IN A SACK, -- THE FLOOD CAME, AND LIKE MOSES I CLEAVED HER IN HALF FROM THE SHOCK. NOT STOPPING, I SHOVED THE HOSE IN HER EYE SOCKET AND LET THE REST OF THE SAUCE ENTER HER SKULL. AFTER THAT I WENT HOME AND READ SICP UNTIL I FELL ASLEEP. I GUARANTEE IT.

[Anonymous No.]

>Sussmanashi no Naku Koro ni (すさまなしのなく頃に, Susamanashi no Naku Koro ni, commonly abbreviated as SNAK) is an adult Japanese visual novel developed by /prog/ which will be released as a limited edition on January 3rd, 2038 playable on the PC. Sussmanashi no Naku Koro ni began as a series of prelude short scenarios in the /prog/ fandisc SICP no Shana. The gameplay in Sussmanashi no Naku Koro ni follows a plot line which offers pre-determined scenarios with courses of interaction, and focuses on the MIT course 6.001 and the book Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs (SICP).

>Sussmanashi no Naku Koro ni incorporates actual slides from the 6.001 lectures and SICP exercises which have to be answered correctly in order to get the good ending.
>SNAK centers around the period in which the protagonist, Grun Ur, enters the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) after moving to America from Japan. Most of the main stories revolve around the magical Y combinator and its powers.

[Anonymous No.]

There are four engineers travelling in a car -- a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a computer scientist. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip
down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.

"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the computer scientist, who up to then had reading his first edition SICP, and asked "Well, what do you think?"

"..."

"Ahem, Dr. Sussman?"

"Why am I reading this book?"

"Uh, I don't know?"

"So that the room will be empty."

"Wait a second, we aren't in a r... !"

And at that time the three engineers were Enlightened.

[Anonymous No.]

OKAY YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT PROGRAMMER
GODFUCKIGNDAMN
FIRST OF ALL, YOU DONT FUQIN KNOW WHAT A MAN PAGE IS
SECONDLY, THIS IS /prog/ DO NOT DEMAND USEFUL ANSWERS THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO BE
THIRDLY PROGRAMMING IS ALL ABOUT PHILOSOPHY AND ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
AND FUQIN LASTLY, FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BULLSHITE
EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED IN >>3,4,10

[Anonymous No.]

Best thread on the jay

[Anonymous No.]

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up croma lisp* my name is patrick collison but u can call me t3h LiSpNiK oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol...as u can see im very lisp!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet lispers like me ^_^... im 19 years old (im very lisp 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch sussman & abelson w/ my boyfreind (im web 2.0 if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favourite tv show!!! bcuz its so lisp!!!!! hes lisp 2 of course but i want 2 meet more lisp ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol...neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein lispy again ^_^ hehe...toodles

[Anonymous No.]

;; cocks - displays ``cocks''
;; This is an example of the sort of computer programs you can write
;; after learning Scheme.
;;
;; Copyright (c) 2008 Christopher
;;
;; Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy
;; of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal
;; in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights
;; to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell
;; copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is
;; furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions:
;;
;; The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in
;; all copies or substantial portions of the Software.
;;
;; THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR
;; IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY,
;; FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE
;; AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER
;; LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM,
;; OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN
;; THE SOFTWARE.
(write "cocks")

[Anonymous No.]

;; doublecocks - displays ``cocks'' twice
;; based on http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1204983387/529
;;

(write "cocks")
(write "cocks")

[Anonymous No.]

>i
You have:
a Ron Penton Coin
a Coffee mug
some data structures
a copy of SICP
>e
You enter Ron Penton's Private Sexy Pleasures. There is a strong smell of smegma in the room.
>l
You are in Ron Penton's Private Sexy Pleasures. You see Ron Penton.
>put coin in Ron Penton
You put the coin in the Ron Penton. Ron Penton notices your data structures and starts peeing in your coffee mug.
>run
You cannot run. Ron Penton is filling the mug.
>PLUGH
You cannot PLUGH. Ron Penton has filled the mug and is staring at your asshole suggestively.
>throw data structures at Ron
You throw several STL structures at Ron Penton. Ron Penton is nonplussed.
>w
You try to go back but shitty collision detection prevents you from doing so. Ron Penton is approaching and licking his LIPS.
>read SICP
You start conjuring the spirits of the computer with your spells. Ron Penton twitches around.
>read SICP
Ron Penton's head has inflated by approximately 350%.
>read SICP
Ron Penton explodes. His guts are all over the wall.
>z
You rest.
>w
Now that the problem has been solved, you start heading back and take a sip from your mug on the way. OH SUSM-

[Anonymous No.]

Dear C/C++ asshole who stole my assembly language:

I hope you die. You had to stand there while I learned my mnemonics and built my own data abstractions by hand because I'd bought good hardware---even cheap development tools are good when you buy fresh spices to go with it. I"m sure you think that you're somehow entitled to steal anything you can find because somehow you've been wronged. But consider this: this is who I am. You have just deprived me of one of my two methods of creating ultra-efficient programs, and my only method of writing a first-stage bootloader. I can feel the blackness sweeping in on me, a depression that a year of war somehow doesn't equal. In war people want to kill you. Evdiently your fellow citizens just want to screw you. I wonder if I were a young guy with muscles, a high-and-tight haircut, and the obvious look of a veteran if you'd have stolen their language.

I hope you die. I have no way of optimizing my code now, or of hacking my programs. That's what you did to me. That language represented 1/7th of life reading asm manuals and was a necessity. I had it exactly one month. You'll probably pop linker and compiler and use it to boast to all your shitty friends about how fast your program is. I paid for that language, and I hope karma tears you to shreds.

If anybody offers sympathy, I will scream. I want revenge. I want trial by combat. Oh, and by the way, Cub Foods? Tahnks for being so not helpful. There are assholes who steal, and then there are assholes who just shouldn't work with the public. Thanks bunches. I'll take it to corporate if I have to. I hate you.

[Anonymous No.]

Keep reordering those instructions, one pipeline is busy!!!

After reading SICP, you will achieve Satori. Let's compare how you think before and after with a simple example problem: factorial of 10.

Before SICP: OMG lots of expensive instructions. Let's write an iterative version which is faster. We need 32 bit integers. Consider paralel multiplication using SIMD? Let's set the counter from 10 so upon decreasing we have the NZ flag set and we save a comparison! Lol this one is going to rock. 30 minutes later, you obtain the result.

After SICP: Factorial of 10: folding/reducing * for 2..10. It is equal to x.

Implementation is not important. You don't need to implement it. You are perfectly satisfied with the procedure running in your mind and obtaining a result which you will call x and operate with it as necessary. You have trascended the mortal concrete world and can visualize every part of the process in your mind in a fraction of a second. In fact, you already visualized it before you were asked the question. You already visualized every possible process. You sit, relax and meditate on the process which created the Universe.

[Anonymous No.]

Touhou 12g leverages cores skillsets and world-class team synergy through enterprise-quality bullet patterns to provide clients worldwide with robust, scalable, modern turnkey implementations of flexible, personalized, cutting-edge Internet-enabled e-bullet application product suite e-solution danmaku architectures that accelerate response to player and real-world dodging demands and reliably adapt to evolving technology needs, seamlessly and efficiently integrating and synchronizing with their existing legacy infracture, enhancing the e-readiness capabilities of their e-bullet enterprise danmaku environments across Gensokyo while giving them a critical competitive advantage and taking them to the bonus level.

ok im getting bored bye

[Anonymous No.]

huh

[Anonymous No.]

So this is the power of no IP ?

[Anonymous No.]

We conjure the spirits of the computer with our spells!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHk42kDwesM

[Anonymous No.]

you sure know how to kill the mood

[Anonymous No.]

NSJ at it again.

[Anonymous No.]

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!