Have you ever heard of the "Hell of Heavens" dilemma? Probably not since it's a concept I came up with myself. It's quite basic really, imagine if Heaven really existed. That is to say, imagine if there were another plane of existence, so immeasurably superior to the current life you know, that by comparison, your current life could be considered hell. It's a system based off of relativity, hell can only exist as a concept if you know there is something better, and heaven can only exist as a concept if you know there's something worse, but both concepts are often described in absolutes. Hell is absolute suffering, and Heaven is absolute happiness. We can look at these two ideas as negative infinity and positive infinity respectively. But the thing about infinities is that no matter your point of reference, the outcome is always either positive or negative infinity when you evaluate at the limits. So, what that means is if you can prove heaven exists, you've effectively just proven your current life to be a form of hell, because your current life is infinitely worse than heaven. Put simply, it's a form of suffering that exists based on the knowledge of something amazing being out of your reach.
Have you ever had the feeling before? That sense of melancholy when you see something so wonderful, then realize you can never obtain it? Maybe you woke up from a nice dream, met with the frustration that it was only a dream, it you could take a snapshot of your emotions at that very instant, I think that would be the best way to describe it. I wouldn't even call it jealousy, it's more like a sense of longing,or maybe disappointment. I often get that feeling when watching certain holos, you see, some holos are really good at getting you absorbed in their streams, getting you so invested that you forget you're watching a stream in a sense. Do you know what I mean? You're just having fun with them, sharing their joy. But, on occasion that illusion gets broken, maybe for a moment or two, when I realize the happiness and pleasure I'm feeling with them is ephemeral, it's only real in the instant, it's only real so long as I'm invested. The moment I realize I can never truly capture that happiness, I'm hit with that intense sense of longing. Knowing that there's a moment in time where I'm truly happy, that's my heaven. Then realizing the fact that it's just out of reach, that's my hell.