/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

Dreams, /jp/, dreams. Always abnormal, except when they're not, dreams can speak volumes about a person's inner workings. Mine tend to be weird, even when they don't touch on my current personal issues.

Last night, however, I had the strangest dream of my life. There was several hours of irrelevant madness, the crap that usually occupies my dreamscape (wars, urban combat, fighting scenes, crazy space battles, etc). None of that seemed strange to me, until at one point, I remember everything fading into darkness. It was like being blind. But then, a voice began calling out my name, at first the voice was all around me, but then as I focused on it the voice began to become more centralized, until I finally realized the voice was IN MY OWN HEAD. It was a very smooth, silky voice, but there was an unnerving quality to the emotions behind the words, something of a cross between malice and twisted pleasure. I collapsed to my knees and covered my ears, to no effect. The voice laughed at my futility, and then the darkness around me began to brighten, until my world was a strange hue of blue. Almost as if someone had tinted my glasses blue, except even when I took them off, the color remained.

A figure emerged from the blue, at first it was just a dark silhouette, but soon it was close enough that I was able to discern details about it, or should I say, her. She had short, purplish-pink hair a blue dress with purple trim, a long purple skirt, and eyes that could stare into my soul. That's when it hit me, EYES! She had a 3rd eye, contained within a red series of tubes connecting into various parts of her body. That's when I realized I was face to face with Satori.

Oh. Shit.

[Anonymous No.]

a few days ago i dreamt that there was a second episode of that touhou anime project.
i cried when i woke up

[Anonymous No.]

You could have picked a better image, OP.

[Anonymous No.]

Dear /jp/, last night I had a dream.
A dream where something, somewhere, fucked up.
And due to that fuck-up, Youmu & Yuyuko somehow ended up at the place I work at.
Being the only person who knew who they were, I pretended they were foreign relatives of mine and had to convince them to come with me to my place so my boss wouldn't flip.
Youmu was EXTREMELY reluctant to trust me, but Yuyuko apparently felt I was trustworthy and made Youmu comply.
We had to walk across town to get to my house, unfortunately the trip took longer then expected because Yuyuko was constantly stopping at various restaurants and ordering food. But, being a resident of Hakugyokurou, she had no monies and I was forced to pay all the bills.
Eventually we reached my place and as the two of them settled in it became readily apparent that Youmu did not approve of her surroundings. She began re-arranging all my furniture and shifting stuff from room to room, much to my disdain. I followed her around the entire time, trying to get her to stop but in reality I was only exasperating things. Meanwhile, Yuyuko seemed unbothered by my furnishings and proceeded to wander around my house with her ever-so adorable airheaded complexion. Eventually she settled for snoozing on my bed.
This was where Youmu & I discovered her, and we agreed (for once) it would be best if we let her sleep.

[Anonymous No.]

must be a Satori thread

[Anonymous No.]

>my personal issues
Stopped reading.
Do we have a board for fags? Lets try it. >>>/fags/

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267628
By some miracle I convinced Youmu to help me with dinner (because how the frack am I supposed to know what daily cusine in Hakugyokurou is?) and, following her instructions, we made a meal that I would liken to an expensive lunch at a fancy restaurant. (Y'know, in the $50-$80 range.) Hell, I didn't even know we had some of the ingredients used. Youmu became a little less hostile towards me and we actually began to talk like we were friends. She told me about her family lineage (Konpaku powah!) and how she was the gardener of the Netherworld and personal attendant to Yuyuko and I pretended this was all new info to me (even though it obviously wasn't) and told her about myself and my occupation, family, etc. By the time we had the meal prepared I had even managed to coax a small smile out of her, which no small feat from my perspective. (I've always viewed Youmu as a VERY serious, almost emotionless person. My mental image of her is very close to the attached pic.)
Anyways, about the time we finished the meal, Yuyuko had woken up and made her way back upstairs to my kitchen, and we sat down to eat. (Youmu served the food, even though I protested that the host be the one to perform that duty. However, she insisted so I eventually gave in.) Yuyuko sounded quite pleased with the meal and during the course of our dining she told about herself and how she found my house and indeed, this whole city quite fascinating. After the meal Youmu & I put away the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen while Yuyuko began browsing my bookshelves. SHe would pick up a book, open it, skim the pages for a while, and I got the distinct impression she was only looking at the pictures because whenever I tried to ask her about something that she would've read in the book, she look at me with a puzzled expression and say "What's that?"

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267667
I would just sigh and say "nevermind" and continue with my task of cleaning. Boy, am I sure glad Youmu was there to help! She insisted that her Mistress couldn't live in such an unclean residence and eventually convinced me to go on a cleaning rampage throughout the house. We tossed out old junk, dusted everywhere, washed the counters and scrubbed the bathrooms. While cleaning one of my upstairs bathrooms I was getting bored and began sneaking little clumps of bubbles from my soap into Youmu's hair. By the time we finished the bathroom floor she had a full-fledged afro. She didn't notice it, and wouldn't have either, except for the fact that Yuyuko nearly died laughing when she saw it. (No pun intended)

[Anonymous No.]

As she approached me, I tried to back away, but I found myself unable (or unwilling..?) to move. She walked up until we were face to face, our noses almost touching. Staring into my eyes, she began to recount every last regret I've ever held in my life. She listed off the thousands of mistakes I've made that have resulted in another person being hurt, physically or emotionally. She plunged even deeper into my soul, tearing out my darkest secrets, things that shame me so much I can't even share them here, with Anon. Things that are so deeply buried in my psyche that even I often forget their presence, until a reminder like this comes along.

Then, as if adding insult to injury, she suddenly shoved me onto the ground. Except the ground wasn't there anymore, everything but Satori and myself had vanished. We were floating in a strange world of blue. Occasionally bubbles would float past, giving me some sort of sense of direction, but there was still a complete lack of anything. Just two people, alone in a void, nobody to hear my cries for help.

Satori tore my clothes off, and I couldn't do anything to stop her, she overpowered me at ever turn and before I knew it, she had removed her own clothes as well. She shoved me inside of her and began pumping and gyrating wildly. It was the worst sensation I've ever felt in my life, it was blinding pleasure mixed with extreme disgust, anxiety, and self-loathing. I felt like I wanted it, but at the same time, I felt that EVERYTHING about that was wrong, like I was betraying my own moral code, the very fiber of my existence.

As she pushed me closer and closer towards climax, she began to repeat my darkest secrets, and even began to speak of events that had yet to happen, things so evil that I fear that if they come to pass, my world will be changed forever. Eventually, she stopped talking and just stared into me, taking pleasure in (what I assumed was) the terribly delicious cocktail of emotions pouring through me.

[Anonymous No.]

Last night I dreamt that I was setting up little landmines to protect my garden from rabbits and birds and other pests.

[Anonymous No.]

I dreamed of taming a sentient spaceship by force and by doing so binding its crew of attractive gynoids to my will. Fuck yeah, time to have adventures in space alongside a harem of robot girls.

Manly dreams are only dreams worth having.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267702
>>4267689
do go on

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267689
When we were finally finished with the cleaning I plopped down in my armchair and was getting ready to doze off when Yuyuko came zipping into the room holding what appeared to be a laptop. (In hindsight, I think it belonged to a friend of mine, not really sure.) She pointed to the screen and said "Watch this!". She then slid her fingers across the touchpad and the cursor on the screen would track her movements. Each time it wiggled around she'd giggle, and the increasing adorability of the scene was almost too much to bear. I asked her if she would let me see the laptop for a moment. She rested her head on the arm of my chair as I fiddled around with the laptop, getting it level on my legs so she could see properly. I opened up firefox (fuck yeah!) and went to Google and then asked her if there was anything she'd like to know. I half expected what she said next. "Where do you keep the good food?". I laughed and told her "At the Food Court of course!". She replied, "Court? So it's across the Sanzu River?". I laughed and pulled up Googlemaps. I located my house and told her that's where we were that very second. She had the expression of a young child making an amazing realization, like the first time you wanted to go play outside with other kids, or the first time you looked at the sky and understood it was more then a big blue blanket. (All I can say is D'AAAAAWWWW SO ADORABLE!) I then located one of the large Malls in my city and told her that's where the foodcourt was. I was too engrossed in seeing her happy to realize the impact this would have on my wallet, and infact I nearly forgot it as Yuyuko dragged Youmu and me out the door.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267705

A bit counterproductive, don't you think?

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267715
After another quick jaunt across town (this time only 3 miles though, so not that bad. And luckily, no restauraunts along the way!) The three of us arrived at the mall. If you must know, it's Fayette Mall in Lexington, Kentucky. It's a very large place, with a Dick's Sporting Goods, a Cinemark, Sears, Macey's, and a plethora of other shops and stores of all kinds. And need I mention the people? Swarms of the best and worst this country has to offer! Hundreds of mall patrons, of all shapes and sizes. Scene kids, goths, and emos mixed in with jocks, preps, and douches. There were rednecks & gearheads, geeks & NEETs. There were old couples and young flings. Every social cliche you can think of was present. The look on my guests faces was one of sheer amazement. Yuyuko said she'd never seen so many people or such a large place. (Coming from Hakugyokurou, you'd think she'd be used to large crowds, what with al the innocent things Reimu's always murdering.) Even Youmu was slightly intimidated by the number of potential threats.When you're new to the human world, you never know what to expect from large crowds. It was about this time I noticed she had brought her swords, and ever since we entered the mall she'd been gripping the hilt of her blade in preperation for any kind of trouble. And it wasn't long before trouble found us. It wasn't long at all.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267596
Stop spamming and harassing www. anon
talk
.com

[Anonymous No.]

>dreams can speak volumes about a person's inner workings
No, they're the result of random shit that your brain is going through while you sleep.

They're meaningless. Dream Interpretation died over half a century ago.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267736
A shady group of scene kids, most of em I knew from a bad phase of my past noticed our approach and took interest in my new friends. They stopped us as we tried to make our way past and one particularly dickhead-looking punk stepped up. As it turns out, this was a guy who I dislike very much and I would no sooner sock him in the jaw then say hello. But I wasn't going to give in to those temptations, not just yet anyways. With a stupid smirk on his face he said, "Yo Dave, who're they?" He looked them over. "Hookers? Cheap whores?". Youmu began to tense up and I could tell she was in the mood to slice first and ask questions later. Yuyuko seemed oblivious to what was going on, she was still too interested in observing her new surroundings to pay any attention to the situation at hand. Youmu began to move towards the punk, as she did she said "How dare you insult my Mistress! I'm going to c-" I stepped in front of her, cutting her off.
"You're going to what? Hit me? Oooh, I'm soo scared! Whoever will save me from the flatchested bitch?" The punk began laughing, and as if on cue, his posse began to laugh as well. And to top it all off, Yuyuko began laughing too. She's always so easy going, even in bad situations. If she sees others laughing then she laughs too. This was the point where I began to worry. Not for our safety, because I knew all to well that they wouldn't be able to lay a finger on any of us, no. I was worried that Youmu would snap and cut them to pieces. Things weren't looking good and I was running out of options.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267752
I tried to defuse the situation. I told the punk to just back off now while he still had the chance. He simply laughed and said, "Or what? You and the flat bitch gonna try and take us all on? Incase you haven't noticed, you're outnumbered. A LOT. But then again, you never were good at math." This one struck home. I'm very intelligent, one of the top minds in the state according to my test results, but I suck absolute balls at math. I just don't like to do it, so I don't. And my grades have always suffered accordingly. I barely graduated highschool, I passed my algebra with a 64.5%. I came inches from snapping and I was ready to say "Frack it" and start swinging when something white caught my eye. Mall security was on their way, several uniformed officers each armed with a stungun, mace, a police baton, and of course, their reputation. Rent-a-Cop or not, this triggered a reaction in the punk's group. He decided it was now or never and threw the first punch, a solid hit to my gut. His buddies all lunged towards the three of us, and I knew we were in trouble.

SNAP.

Youmu lunged forward whilst drawing her blade. In one swift movement she had closed the gap between herself and the punk who hit me and cracked his nose with the hilt of her sword. Thrusting the blade down into the ground, she used it as a support to laucnh herself at the next closest punk and proceeded to deliver a powerful kick to his skull. I didn't get the opportunity to see her next attack, because that's the moment when the rest of the punks reached Yuyuko and myself. I knew Youmu was busy and might not be able to reach us, so I took it upon myself to keep Yuyuko out of harms way.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267702
Oh fuck I'm so close to fappan. Keep going.

[Anonymous No.]

Knowing my climax was seconds away, I tried to pull out, to get away in any way possible. She must've known, even planned for my attempt at escape, because she waited until I had almost gotten myself all the way out, and then her hips clamped down on my tip so hard that I could've sworn she had grown a set of teeth down there. I came, cum pouring into her, and I had never felt so disgusted in my life. It felt like I had been raped.

I woke up, got dressed, went to work, came home, and I STILL feel like shit. I loathe going to sleep tonight, I'm thinking about pulling an all nighter, just to get out of it. I don't want to face her again, I don't want to be violated like that.

Anyways, Satori thread.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267714
It seemed like a good idea at the time. They were more like those little firecrackers you would use to blow up your brother's action figures.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267764
They just mad cuz you were styling on them with an adorable little girl and a gorgeous big girl.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267764
Now before I continue, let me tell you something about my fighting ability. My combat experience totals to a couple schoolyard fights with bullies back in the mid 90s, and a few scuffles at a mental institution. (That's another story for another time.) Now sure, I've been through hell & back when it comes to dreams (I've fought alongside the Terrans against the Zerg, I've stormed the beaches of Normandy, crossed the blazing deserts of El Alamein alongside Rommel's Afrika Corps, and once even helped James Bond kill Oddjob.) but fighting in dreams is a mixed bag for me, sometimes I can fly and shoot lazers, and sometimes I'm limited to my actual physical abilities. Unfortunately, this was one of those situations where I only had my own abilities to rely on. I throw mild punches, they do little damage. My kicks are another story however, and I'm one agile sunuvabiznitch. I can dodge, block, and counter any strike made by an unexperienced combatant using "street-style" martial arts. Now, back to the dream.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267780
Hey pal, if you don't wanna be violated like that go to bed and tell Satori my address, because I could do that all night every night.

Please Satori, make ME feel like a dirty useless piece of shit.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

f5 f5 f5!

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267791

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267804
Yuyuko chose this moment to notice the big sign that pointed the way to the foodcourt, and she began lazily wandering over in the direction it pointed. "Great, I have to do an escort quest." I thought to myself. I spotted Youmu's sword, still embedded into the ground and realized this was my only chance to keep Youmu from murdering anyone. I tugged it out and used it to hold the punks at bay as Yuyuko continued on her merry, oblivious way towards the foodcourt. Several of the punks tried to outflank us and I had to fight a two sided battle, jumping from one side of Yuyuko to the other to hold them off. They quickly wisened up when they realized they couldn't fight a swordsman with their bare hands, and so the punks began picking up objects they could use to their advantage. One guy grabbed a chair from a nearby shop and tossed it at us. It spiraled towards Yuyuko. I barely managed to jump in it's path, and the impact sent me sprawling onto the floor. I went sliding past Yuyuko and as I did I saw another punk was coming up behind her, intending to do God-knows-what, but it couldn't be anything good. By some miracle, Yuyuko saw me slide past and it must've looked like fun to her, because she ran and dived onto her stomach, sliding even farther then I did and giggling all the way. "Thank goodness for her childishness." I thought to myself. It was about this time a new problem reared it's ugly head. Mall security had showed up en-force.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267804
Uh oh, this is spinning off the rails...

>>4267829
>"Great, I have to do an escort quest."
Fuck sage this shit. Get the fuck out. You can't compete with the Satori story.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267628
>>4267667
>>4267689
>>4267715
>>4267736
>>4267752
>>4267764
>>4267804
Who are you and why do you have a copypasta of my adventure with the ghostly denizens of Hagukyokuro?

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267829
Apparently the original trio of rent-a-cops had called for backup, and now there were 16 of the buggers, stunguns drawn.It was about this time Youmu made her re-appearence. Yuyuko and I were cornered in a small clothing store and the cops were blocking it off. Yuyuko was playing around with some of the frillier clothing accessories (go figure) and I was trying to keep the cops from getting a clear shot at her. Right as they were about to stun us both, Youmu comes up from behind and knocks the group of officers down. I yell that we need to get outta here and she agrees. I grab her by the arm and start to run towards the exit, but Youmu stands fast and refuses to budge until I return her sword. I plead with her to just go, but she refuses and we argue like this for several minutes, me refusing to hand over her weapon until we're off the premises and her refusing to leave the premises until I hand it over. Yuyuko takes this opportunity to wander off and it's now that I realize we're actually in the food court.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267856
Yuyuko heads straight for the asian cuisine section, and returns with multiple large takeout boxes loaded with noodles, rice, chicken, and all kinds of other goodies. My jaw would've dropped in envy if it weren't for our current situation. The rent-a-cops have us surrounded at this point, and I resume pleading with Youmu that we leave before they catch us. I know that if I give her the blade there will be casualties (if there weren't any already, just because she's unarmed doesn't mean she can't kill.) but if we get caught then there'll be even bigger hell to pay. By some kinda miracle, at the last. POSSIBLE. SECOND. Yuyuko asks that Youmu carry the take-out, dumping it all into Youmu's arms before she can protest. With her hands full Youmu can't handle a blade and she knows it, and defying her mistress's will is against all she stands for. I've won. I ask Yuyuko if she can take us home, and next thing I know she's lifted Youmu and me onto her shoulders, and we go crashing through the glass roof and fly off to my house, leaving behind a shattered mall and a whole lotta stunned bystanders.

>>4267844
Don't you know about the /jp/ archive?

[OP No.]

>>4267856
Yuyuko heads straight for the asian cuisine section, and returns with multiple large takeout boxes loaded with noodles, rice, chicken, and all kinds of other goodies. My jaw would've dropped in envy if it weren't for our current situation. The rent-a-cops have us surrounded at this point, and I resume pleading with Youmu that we leave before they catch us. I know that if I give her the blade there will be casualties (if there weren't any already, just because she's unarmed doesn't mean she can't kill.) but if we get caught then there'll be even bigger hell to pay. By some kinda miracle, at the last. POSSIBLE. SECOND. Yuyuko asks that Youmu carry the take-out, dumping it all into Youmu's arms before she can protest. With her hands full Youmu can't handle a blade and she knows it, and defying her mistress's will is against all she stands for. I've won. I ask Yuyuko if she can take us home, and next thing I know she's lifted Youmu and me onto her shoulders, and we go crashing through the glass roof and fly off to my house, leaving behind a shattered mall and a whole lotta stunned bystanders.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267892
>>4267896
(AUTHORS NOSE)
[This last bit isn't relative anymore, cause I had to leave for work before being able to post it, but I didn't type up my dream just so that parts could go un-posted!]

It was here that I awoke from the dream. I don't know what happens next, but I can only imagine the three of us went home and enjoyed a great oriental dinner together. I could probably turn this into a crazy story, heck, even a series, though I need to get ready for work, I start at 2pm. Enjoy your reads /jp/!

{THE END}

I've had some other interesting Touhou dreams, but nothing as epic as that. The only thing that comes close was the time that I essentially relived the events of EoSD. In that dream I had the powers of a WoW frost specced mage. It was pretty badass, but I don't know if I'll ever retype it.. It had Koakuma in it, and I somehow managed to dick around with Sakuya's time manipulation crap. I think I might've burnt down part of Patchy's library too..

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267780
>her hips clamped down on my tip so hard that I could've sworn she had grown a set of teeth down there.
OH FUCK OH FUCK FFFFFFF MY BONER SHOT UP SO FAST IT HURTS

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267892
I didn't realize I got archived. I just have a copy of the thread I saved with Firefox. The hell did you make the connection between the two?

[Anonymous No.]

>>Grab your iPod, fire up your favorite IOSYS album

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267925
The Yotsuba archiver archives EVERYTHING on /jp/. EVERYTHING.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267929
Arc. I should've known.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267925
It was the first thing I thought about when I saw the OP talking about a Touhou-related dream.

Your (in)famous quote: "You don't gotta landscape, why not ride your bike for like, a couple hours. Grab your iPod, fire up your favorite IOSYS album, and just cruise around in the evening..." is not easily forgotten.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267958
I remember that... I said it in response to a fellow anon who was wondering how to have such vivid dreams. I always have my craziest dreams after a long day, usually full of physical exertion. I walked 8 miles in the snow yesterday, Lexington got about 4-6 inches. I was DEAD by the time I got home. (Was searching for the first Mass Effect, it's sold out EVERYWHERE. Got it off XBL in the end.)

Still, that doesn't explain why I was fucking RAPED by Satori. She used to be my favorite touhou, I don't think I can ever look at her the same again...

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267999
Oh god, you wrote both of these?

Now go take some pictures of you army men for us.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4268028
I, uhh, what?

The last time I had army men was when I was wrongly incarcerated at a mental hospital. A con artist managed to trick me into thinking he was the only person I could trust in that place, and then proceeded to slowly sneak away all my stuff. It was just after 9/11, and my old trick to get out of class by making fake bomb threats backfired. They locked me away for two YEARS. I was only 9 years old, too, it was crazy. It made me a better person in the long run (though I didn't get any schooling for two years, and the only vidya game available was Earthbound on the SNES. Oh my god. Best RPG of it's time.)

Lol, /jp/ - Life Experiences.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>4267999
I'll trade you anything if you give me your secret to being raped by Satori.

[Anonymous No.]

>>4268079
Jesus Christ. No wonder your dreams are so fucked up.