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/jp/ - Otaku Culture


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File: 537 KB, 1100x800, Reisen Reads.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
38229013 No.38229013 [Reply] [Original]

What if I told you the craters on the moon weren't created by 14 Billion year-old space debris, but rather the Lunarian Mortars?
The Lunarian Capital is known far and wide for being superior to Earth in almost every way, though being a few hundred thousand miles/kilometers away and led by two retards.
Despite the ancient age of the Earth and Moon, surely one would think they would be untouched in an almost orderly Solar System, but no. Not only has the Moon been defiled, but it has been a grave yard for nearly the entire Lunarian Army.
At this point, people will ask "how?" or "why?" and expect to get a full run down of the thing from the natives themselves, but no. They won't. Not only are the common "Cute Little Lunarian Bunny" citizens so uninformed to the point of retardation, but they are also lazy despite their constant slave-working by the Watatsuki sisters.
The only one who could have told the story is currently in Gensokyo and goes by the name "Reisen Udongein Inaba".
There is no way you'll ever get an answer from her, let alone find and acquire her assistance since leaving her allies to die when she escaped in the middle of the massacre. To this day, she still suffers from PTSD.

Starting from the beginning, there was once a time when all native Earthlings lived on Earth and all was fine. All until certain events took place, and a "not so small" group of people decided the Earth was becoming too "impure", so they came together to devise a plan to go elsewhere, and as we know, they went to the moon, and dubbed themselves Lunarians.
Nobody knows what happened between that time and now, but we do know of the recent events that have taken place. Like a certain "invasion" as they call it, that happened from 1969 - 1972, which marked the beginning of 6 "invasions" which took place. All we know is that two humans, yes, two /humans/, decided to go and plant a flag on the moon. A flag with 50 stars, and 13 stripes held up on a pole in the vast emptiness that is the surface of the moon and dark empty sky that is space. One could see this as claiming unmarked and unowned territory, and they would be right, however, they were met with unfriendly forces upon their arrival.
The unfriendly denizens of the moon looked more like humanized rabbits, and at a glance, would be seen as small, cute and harmless- until you saw they were carrying weapons. And charging. Right at you and the flag like a bunch of savages. For rather cute creatures, they were rather barbaric.
After planting the flag on the moon, the humans appeared to be dancing, and riding in some kind of contraption with four wheel-like structures attached to it whilst going back to the same location every now and then. Probably taking pictures or something.
After seeing something like that, surely the head Lunarians would think twice before attacking a possibly more advanced and possibly unknown species, but no. They went on and attacked like a bunch of fucking retards. And with that, is how it all began.
We know not what the "invasion" was like, but the Royal Cocksucking Sisters call it "The War", leading us to our topic, the first "Lunarian War"- in which they lost horrobly. Spoiler Alert.
The losses were grim.
For them of course.
The Lunarians lost such a large chunk of their army that "...there aren't many left..." -Yorihime Watatsuki. And that isn't the half of it. The two /humans/ who invaded left with nothing but small blemishes that'll go away in a week or two, as the Lunar Army lost <Thousands> of their soldiers. Yes you heard me right, <THOUSANDS>. The ENTIRE LUNARIAN ARMY against two friendly humans. TWO humans and they LOST! You're telling me that an entire force of the moon, over six arrivals by the same two humans in four (4) years and multiple flags, resulted the DEATHS of the MAJORITY of the LUNARIAN ARMY, much so to a point where their forces are cripped to a point to where they can take on Gensokyo, just barely, when four Gensokian denizens put a stop to a GODDESS OF HELL, a PURE incarnation of HATRED and a HELL FAIRY who managed to fucking terrorize them to a point of having to INVADE GENSOKYO, as well as TOTAL EVACUATION of the Moon, into ANOTHER realm which they didn't even know they had entered on their own will as a trap- and they couldn't even manage to so much as give two friendly, non hostile HUMANS a hard fight? Not to mention it took them fucking decades- DECADES to get rid of an UNGUARDED flag?
WHAT! You afraid the Youkai in the shadows are gonna snatch your ankles if you get within 50 feet of the flag? You scared you'll turn to dust if you touch it? Go blind if you so much as glance at it? Grow the FUCK up.

>> No.38229256

*pat*

>> No.38231958

wow what a silly kid lol

>> No.38231969

>>38229013
sorry but i'm siding with the himes regardless.

>> No.38235068

>>38231969
Traitorous spy.

>> No.38237044

>>38229013
stop, reisen. can't see you've made yorihime cry?

>> No.38239596

>>38237044
Like she doesn't deserve it for being a genuinely incompetent ruler.

>> No.38239865

>>38229013
The human-lunarian wars are the most batshit crazy part of Touhou and I love it. You call them "friendly humans" but the lunarians referred the Apollo crew as "assassins" so maybe Armstrong actually had some magical girl danmaku powers, who knows. Additionally, the way ZUN painted the LoLK situation in an interview surprised me with how bad it could have ended for Gensokyo:

>Essentially, the true terror of urban legends is not from something showing up or happening, but its power to change the past.
>Sagume was using that power (Urban legends) to relocate the capital, too. In the end it wasn't a full-blown attempt, but done in the sense of "The Lunar Capital can just take Gensokyo hostage and beat up any opposition"
>If the Lunar Capital had tried to relocate without fighting, then Gensokyo's inhabitants would have disappeared before they realized.

>> No.38241372

We are the Mooninites, and our culture is advanced beyond all you can comprehend with 100% of your brain.

>> No.38255934

>>38241372
Foolish moonites laying claim to advanced technology when they were beaten by golf balls and two unarmed humans, one of which did nothing but take pictures and plant flags.

>> No.38256908

>>38241372
1-31-07 Never Forget

>> No.38256918

Lunarian? More like lunARYAN

>> No.38266960

>>38241372
It's not that hard to comprehend honestly I mean your culture is based off of Chinese myths namely that Chang'e goddess of the moon.

I mean if you want incomprehensible we the codex seraphinianus, the Rohonc codex and whatever the plot of Hylics was.

>> No.38272071

>>38229013
I believe in the Chinese ver.

>> No.38280389

>>38229013
so does that mean moon pussy is feasible

>> No.38280765

>>38280389
No.
There's less of them overall.

>> No.38281984

>>38229013
i'd think you're taking the fucking piss

>> No.38286672
File: 100 KB, 335x877, lunarians btfo.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
38286672

>>38237044
good

i hope you faggots get your asses turned inside out by american human male astronauts

>> No.38288963

>>38280765
fuck

>> No.38289037

>>38229013
Do I get Glory if I fight the Monnies? Will I be as famous as Achilles if I join the Sieg of the Luna Capital? I don't mind dying if I get remember for thousands of years.

>> No.38289120

>>38256918
But Lunarians are Nips, anon. They're just honorary Aryan not proper ones.

>> No.38289297

I sometimes aim my laser pointer to the moon and sneer at the Lunarians.

>> No.38290707

>>38289297
can you stop please?

>> No.38293379

>>38289297
something something atmosphere?

>> No.38294127

>>38293379
It still annoys them.

>> No.38297137

>>38289037
No you get a tacky shirt from the NASA gift shop.

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