[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/jp/ - Otaku Culture

View post   

File: 329 KB, 1064x1300, 179.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15333316 No.15333316 [Reply] [Original]

General original content/drawthread for /jp/sies. You may use this thread to contribute your works or to share ideas related to possible projects. Anything OC is welcomed; including drawings, writings, music, and programming.

Previous thread: >>15212758

>> No.15333533

Space marines shouldn't be allowed to be this cute.

>> No.15333543

She's actually a little ball of pure hatred. Just tell her she wont be getting ice cream.

>> No.15333962

even so i have balls of love to even out her hatred, if you know what i mean

>> No.15334099
File: 2.10 MB, 1227x1129, Lamenters_2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

got ptsd from painting lamenters checkers/heart pattern

fucking hell

>> No.15334169
File: 20 KB, 300x282, Lamenters_Livery.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

It must be done.

>> No.15336992
File: 408 KB, 900x1273, the face of someone who played vidya all day.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I tried the other day, /jp/. Not trying for a few weeks have made me rusty.

>> No.15337855

Good work! Now start drawing lots of lewds of her pls!

>> No.15339166 [DELETED] 
File: 338 KB, 1600x900, astronaut-outer-space-moon-nasa-astronauts.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Requesting edits with these pics

>> No.15339175 [DELETED] 
File: 947 KB, 1680x1050, moon_astronauts_moonwalk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15339183 [DELETED] 
File: 575 KB, 2560x1600, moon_nasa_astronaut chasing moonnerds.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15339186 [DELETED] 
File: 538 KB, 2340x2364, moon astronaut apollo diggin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15339189 [DELETED] 
File: 718 KB, 2340x2364, moon surface astronaut strut.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15339197 [DELETED] 
File: 213 KB, 1680x1050, moon astronaut moonride.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15339204 [DELETED] 
File: 227 KB, 685x685, moonwalk3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15339207 [DELETED] 
File: 205 KB, 904x913, moon shopping.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15339244 [DELETED] 


>> No.15339984

I knew you were cute

>> No.15340045

I would pie that grill.

>> No.15340094
File: 619 KB, 1475x1248, sluts.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

rate my boatsluts

cumworthy, would save up one week's worth of jizz over

>> No.15340156
File: 1.60 MB, 1040x1320, Coolrem2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Is this ok?

>> No.15340207

Is that Hange from shingeki no kyojin?

>> No.15340814

I always knew Remi was a Jew.

>> No.15341073

The nose is too large, oy vey

The shoulder feels kinda broad for a girl and the legs too long unless that was your intention and you wanted her to look trans.

>> No.15341084

im fuckign dying over here lmoa

>> No.15341690

I like the shading on the dress and detail on the wings

>> No.15341980

Remi is a jewish crossdresser!

>> No.15342085

Why does she looks so thirsty for semen?
I wouldn't mind feeding her everyday though

>> No.15342478

Pretty good, mate. Can't say for sure, but the left girl seems to have a somewhat large torso compared to her lower body. But the rest seems to be pretty much flawless, aside from the lack of detail at points.

The colours are all right, though I can't figure out under which circumstances the lighting and shading could make sense.
The left shoulder looks too large compared to the other one.
The dress looks very weird. The original "puffiness" is lost and it looks like a weirdly parted, fluttery rocket ship.
Her shoes make a clownish impression on me.
Her face indeed looks, to say the least, not very pretty. The nose is too long, the eyes too small or placed too high or both.

It's not as bad as I make it out to be, though. It's a fine piece of work that definetely has flaws, but at your level it should be easy to work those out. Ganbare, anon

>> No.15342532
File: 436 KB, 1280x768, kokorowip.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Does it look like her buttons are kind of tight on her shirt and the skin is showing? I can't tell if I communicated that or not.
Also I didn't realize Kokoro had those cute buttons on her shirt. The child-likeness of them really compliment her black face.

>> No.15342611

>her black face
Kokoro is not a nigger, anon

>> No.15343289
File: 196 KB, 1137x850, el.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15343438

cute lolis

>> No.15343450 [DELETED] 

Who are you quoting?

>> No.15344728
File: 215 KB, 700x700, keitai.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

tfw my trial period for opencanvas just run out today

It does. Why didn't you use thinner lines like you did on her hair?

>> No.15348353
File: 372 KB, 1040x1320, sadasds.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

These colors are bothering me, avoid using pure white and black as part of your shading palette.

Did some crap with PS, but it doesn't solve everything.

>> No.15348434

I want to lick those glasses, they look very... smooth.

Baseball-chan's thighs seem a bit too long for me. Not sure, though.

I think you need to exaggerate it a bit more, make the cramps as diagonal lines coming out from the button, like this: o<
This is looking pretty cute, not sure why add the tightness thing that sort of makes it less serious.

Girl 1 is lifting weights with her nose to catch up with >>15340156 !

Too bad it's impossible to obtain software for free, right?
Eye is a bit low/to the front, I think.

>> No.15348457
File: 54 KB, 645x416, 1420234302244.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>Girl 1 is lifting weights with her nose to catch up with >>15340156 !

>> No.15348544

>I want to lick those glasses, they look very... smooth.
Now that you mention it...
What a strange urge, i'm getting it too. It's like gelatin.

>> No.15348915
File: 881 KB, 1200x1600, konata.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Did a something,

>> No.15352675

That looks great!
I actually didn't realize that, thanks for pointing it out. I changed the resolution half way through inking but forgot to change my pen size.

>> No.15352758

not good enough to praise
not bad enough to mock

>> No.15355438
File: 569 KB, 1455x1300, 20160508g.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

hey /jp

>> No.15355462


>> No.15355483

Thank you! Having the jay not being a meanie is the utmost appraisal.

>> No.15355588

Seems lewder than your usual work, but it still just as nice.

>> No.15355674

lots of samefaces here.

>> No.15356024

me with the alien

>> No.15356433

I don't know if i love ham more for his cuties or because he pops out like that casually and disappears just like that

>> No.15357518
File: 173 KB, 464x900, dont follow ugtan on chitter.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Enjoy my terrible oc donut steel.

>> No.15357578

I have no idea who that character is, but that alien drawing made my days. Thanks anon.

>> No.15358508
File: 162 KB, 1024x711, there was an attempt.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15359940

I'm glad you chose another character to desecrate and kept Pie-chan pure.


>> No.15360312

tfw noone saved your drawings that you posted since the dawn of the oc threasds
because they sucked

>> No.15360545

i enjoyed it anon but it makes me sad ;-;

>> No.15360594

I made this song a couple of months ago

>> No.15360922
File: 183 KB, 382x382, 060716 haha.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.15361586

You should get more samples, nice song man. Is there anywhere I can listen to your stuff?

I didn't hear any haha.

>> No.15362362

If I write something for /jp/, would you guys read it?

>> No.15362386

Yes, I won't bully you if it's really bad.

>> No.15362443

Thanks man. Yeah, I have a soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dusthillguy

>> No.15362451 [DELETED] 

Thank you. See you exactly six months months from now.

>> No.15362463

Thank you. See you exactly six months from now.

>> No.15362469

p.s. please put this into your phone calendars, that way I will feel pressured into not slacking off and will actually write what I promise for /jp/.

>> No.15362497

That's a long time!

>> No.15362525

I have a lot of time on my hands!

>> No.15362628
File: 28 KB, 800x480, Screenshot_2016-06-08-00-17-56.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I hope it'll be a nice read

>> No.15362629

I put a monthly, I'll be expecting it!

>> No.15362660
File: 231 KB, 379x521, anxiety_bkub.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

dear lord, what have I gotten myself into

(thanks, bye!)

>> No.15363263
File: 1.10 MB, 1483x2355, yokai.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

rumia day!

>> No.15363809

I enjoyed, also it made me laugh.
Pretty chill. Sometimes.

>> No.15364211
File: 182 KB, 608x982, 20160527f.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


oh, that's just me being totally unable to socialize like a normal person

>> No.15364308
File: 103 KB, 804x796, 060316_Original.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15364489

I'm sure a lot of you might shit on this, but I'm writing a LN series. It's going to take me some time to properly adapt my thoughts, phrases and sentencing into Japanese (don't plan on doing an English release), but I would be happy to post up some chapters at some point soon to see if anyone enjoys it, and maybe get some feedback?

>> No.15364520

Only do things in your native language. Thanks.

>> No.15364536

Thanks, but no thanks.

>> No.15364548
File: 117 KB, 735x981, 56308240_p0_master1200.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Ay, hang on, I recognise that style! Your stuff's sick, man!

>> No.15364875

That faggot gets more than enough dicksucking already for his shit

>> No.15365316

Oh, shut up. There's no need to call him a faggot and his work shit just because you're envious

>> No.15366169
File: 502 KB, 1000x1400, maus.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Found a mouse in my kitchen yesterday so I did this.

You might also want to turn up the stabiliser a bit.

>> No.15366407


>> No.15367274


>> No.15369248
File: 158 KB, 800x642, ugtans average friday night out.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15369261
File: 415 KB, 615x822, --murasa-minamitsu-touhou-drawn-by-rhapsode--f1866078854cc275cdb2813972ea7762.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

if a thread wasn't up i was going to make one so i could shill again


finished another arrange after a bit of a drought recently.

pic's not mine, just using it since i used it on the soundcloud upload as well

>> No.15369450

Huh, neat.
I myself would prefer if the high pitched parts had the volume turned down a little so I could listen to every instrument better.

>> No.15370266
File: 1.66 MB, 2592x1936, img_1347.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Hi /jp/.
About a year ago around this time I started working on a novel. Back then I posted the initial chapters here and they were pretty rough.

It's about a man who finds a rabbit dying in a parking lot, and nurses it back to health. He soon finds the rabbit is much more than it appears, however. Meanwhile, a strange new drug has become popular in his tiny podunk town.

Here's a link to the prologue. I'm not sure how else to post it.

>> No.15370549

i generally try matching ZUN's mixing... which isn't generally the best for hearing everything well but it's closer to the original song

if anything you can download the module and open it in 0CC-famitracker and listen to each channel individually

>> No.15370560

What does ug stand for?

>> No.15370965
File: 852 KB, 667x907, crystalcrown014b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I thought I would not post more oc because my comics arent otakuey enough but I'm drunk so I don't care

>> No.15370969
File: 850 KB, 667x907, crystalcrown015b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.15370977

its ug tan you baka

>> No.15370987 [DELETED] 
File: 101 KB, 392x500, 3508439399_fab030ceed.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

courtesy bump

>> No.15370994
File: 125 KB, 308x272, 1465485808248.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

> because my comics arent otakuey enough

They're totally fine, just keep posting and ignore the shitposters, I enjoy them.

>> No.15371016

Worry not, I am enjoying myself.

>> No.15371236

That was a surprise.
When you mentioned the splash, I thought
>"hol up"

But the rabbits were still a surprise. GJ

>> No.15371257
File: 90 KB, 853x721, ss+(2016-06-10+at+12.25.51).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Stage 1 & 2 bosses of best PC-98 game.

>> No.15371367

Friends. Can someone please explain to me the thought process behind this speed drawing?

I have watched it at least 10 times and I cannot imagine what the artist was thinking while drawing. It's like, he draws something right and then erases and changes it for absolutely no reason.

Warning NSFW

>> No.15371423

Maybe he has ADD and isn't satisfied with any pose? Or just practicing different poses. This guy on the Touhou drawing thread (>>15311978
) is similar and he says he has ADD

>> No.15371481
File: 9 KB, 511x494, snekp.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

What a powerful SICP.

>> No.15371566

I only read the first page from what you linked and I got bored, probably because I'm dumb and not because your writing is bad.
Also I found some mistakes:
>if the Apollo mission was a failure there would be no time in left in the decade
>“Okay, engine stop. ACA - out of detent.” Alrin immediately responded.
>Armstrong felt the cold sweat run down his back and his blood freeze to ice as he saw the group part

>> No.15371574

Yeah, there's that. I also noticed the author is sometimes a little wordy or repetitive, but I do advise you to read later chapters.
He does a very good job at combining reality, touhou, and /jp/ memes.

>> No.15371605

I swear to god I've read this part at least 30 times and I hadn't seen these typos.
Thank you.

Also yes, sometimes my writing gets a little repetitive and I use the same word too often. I apologize for that.

>> No.15371621

I haven't seen this in ages. More power to you.

>> No.15371626

The chapter I'm at now is The Ripple in the Sky, and I'm enjoying the story so far.
Thanks. Reading this is good.

>> No.15371834

What are we supposed to infer about the narrator? How unreliable is he?
Most of the time he seems weak and mediocre, as evidenced by his living conditions, yet he seems to hold up well and be stronger than Lumi.
And my apologies about looking for realism in fiction, but what is his income? Is he a NEET? Where's his family? You mentioned his mother.

>> No.15371865

These questions do get answered over the course of the story, but I'll go ahead and tell you now.
While he sometimes goes without eating, he is not starving. His physique is fairly average, and he does not work out. So he can punch out one drug addict if pressed to do so, but against a gang of them he's not going to win.

He is a NEET, but that's not to say he doesn't work. His work is simply very unscrupulous - and his pay is the roof over his head.
His family does show up in the story, later, toward the end of the first arc.

>> No.15371880
File: 47 KB, 865x710, muhmuhmarisa.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.15371886

I see: thank you for clarifying things. I'm currently in The Peach Fields chapter.
I think I'm getting most references and jokes you make, too, which make me feel pretty warm inside.
However, in the very beginning, when the narrator and Lumi are in the forum-bar, is the board game being played a reference to something?

>> No.15371888
File: 47 KB, 1035x547, alice w tea.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

pc98 girls

>> No.15371890

>is the board game being played a reference to something?

>> No.15371891
File: 45 KB, 911x710, suwakonfrog.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

end of dump

>> No.15371893

Oh, another thing, and then I'll stop hogging the thread.
What I have up on that tumblr is less than half of the whole text... I'll keep posting a chapter or two of it every day or so until the first arc is over. I'm working on the second, now.

>> No.15371897

kawaii stars
Also, your story is just generally good. You do a good combination of having rabbits be hidden around, like hidden elves and dwarves and fairy beings in fantasy stories set in the "real world", while also having them be aliens too, the pilots of UFOs.

>> No.15371903

Thank you, it makes me feel very accomplished hearing that someone enjoyed reading it. That is why I wrote it, after all, I wanted to make something entertaining.

>> No.15372064

I'm incredibly hyped.
The bathing reminds me of the ordeal characters had to go through in Crichton's The Andromeda Strain.
Disintegration sounds pretty scary though.

Looking forwards to future posts.

>> No.15372073

I made Lumi space out "disinteragation" on purpose to make the pun more obvious. It's Disin-Tera-Gation. Get it?

Thank you for your many kind words. I'll post another part tomorrow.

>> No.15372162

I was about to make a post about how I still didn't get it, but then I got it.
May I suggest spelling Terra with two R's?
Of course, it's your choice. And thank you for choosing to explain things.

>> No.15372176
File: 505 KB, 1530x1800, BAD+SIDE+OF+THE+MOON+&amp;+TALKIN+SOFTBALL.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Oh okay, that might make it more obvious. Thanks for the suggestion.

I also want to learn to draw so I can make illustrations for the story, I'll be learning to do that this summer. For now here's a fanart a friend of mine did of the two characters.

He chose to do it in a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure style because we're both fans.

>> No.15372202

I like your comics a lot, please keep posting them

>> No.15372209

She is the one!
Sailor Moon!

>> No.15372627
File: 402 KB, 835x675, ghhjk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


oh no!

>> No.15372959

what have you done anon

>> No.15373080


>> No.15373096

I personally think this looks pretty good.

>> No.15373778
File: 90 KB, 467x446, ugtan likes attention.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.15373789

does ugtan prefer double penetration or double insertion

>> No.15373795
File: 16 KB, 392x456, temp 10.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

hella cute dude
that's one tall mouse!

>> No.15373823

Probably double penetration as you get more bang for your buck.

cute black cat of ill omen

>> No.15374724

This looks really nice.
Do you have a blog or something?

>> No.15374897
File: 247 KB, 868x1600, 36263.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

No time to draw anymore, but this was 2014.

>> No.15376209

Hmm, one of the things that is repetitive is mentioning her poor pronunciation/English all the time.
The written stuttering can be toned down and only used for more advanced or longer words, after it's first mentioned or noticed.
Would make it easier to read, too. There has to be a good balance, for readability.

>> No.15376309

I could do another pass of toning it down. In the initial draft it was even worse.
I also tried to do a thing where she progressively gets better at speaking it as the chapters go on. Near the end of the first arc she mostly only stumbles on words she's unfamiliar with.

>> No.15376325

Think about picking up drawing again, I like the art.

>> No.15376331

You remind me of a trap artist I used to see on Sadpanda. I legitimately thought you were them at first.

>> No.15376636

Isn't that this guy's character?


>> No.15376927


He's the one who inspired me to start drawing.

>> No.15377394
File: 2.61 MB, 2503x3035, mechamusukoremake.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Hello, /jp/..... I think I going back to drawing... It feels awesome.... Any constructive feedback, please?

>> No.15377405

Is that you, Mugen?

>> No.15377465

Mugen? This is Dango.

>> No.15380380

Okay I read it all, I don't regret it and I think it was pretty fun to read but the prologue is a lot more boring than the rest of it, I can't say why but maybe it has to do with the lack of cute rabbit-girls doing cute stuff, but I don't really know.
I think I found a few more mistakes;
From The White Rabbit:
>Stepping inside my door I took a paranoid moment to look back upon my entry path, checking the dark corners for any glowing ominous eyes. I a peculiar feeling like I was holding something valuable and may have been followed
From The Ripple in the Sky:
The name of the image and "by Daz something" are separated.
From The Wolf of the Wastes:
>Bribing children is sound in the eyes of the lord, or so he could tell me.
I think here it's" would" but you have a weird way to write so maybe it was intentional, also english isn't my first language so I could be all kinds of wrong, you made me search for phrases and words I hadn't heard before!
From The Burnt Coffeebeans:
>Lumi seemed hesitant to let go of me and set her feet back down on the sidewalk, but does when she notices a homely woman who was clearly a volunteer approach us.
Kinda the same as with the last one, shouldn't it be "but does so/it"?

You said that you are going to keep posting more of it, did you mean on your tumblr or here too? It would be nice if you posted the link whenever you update your tumblr, I really don't want to make an account just to read your updates.

>> No.15380501

Alright, I'll make a post with the link whenever I post a part.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. I'll take a closer look at those errors.

>> No.15381083
File: 52 KB, 323x614, lumi playboy bunny.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>the prologue is a lot more boring than the rest of it, I can't say why
I can probably tell you why. Most of the story is a mixture of science fiction and urban legend-style fantasy, but the majority of the prologue is simply a retelling of a real life event, based on what the astronauts actually said and did. It exists as a sort of preview into the themes the story deals with and the challenges the characters will face.
People have told me the jump to the first chapter is jarring and I realize that, but I haven't come up with a good way to fix that.

I've read the story over many times and have missed a lot of these typos and errors, so thanks for pointing them out. It is in fact supposed to be "would," not could.

And here,
>shouldn't it be "but does so/it"?
I thought it was a little wordy and unnatural sounding with "does so" but that might make it easier to read, I'm not sure.

Anyhow, here's the next part, in which the narrator and Lumi go to the grocery store and chase a babbling homeless man.

The picture here is one done by another good friend of mine, it's Lumi in a playboy bunny outfit.
Her butt isn't actually that big.

>> No.15381439
File: 664 KB, 891x589, satori bj wip.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Do you prefer faceless men to be fat or muscular?

>> No.15381449

just fair, typical anime protagonist-esque body, if not muscular

>> No.15381508
File: 24 KB, 187x364, 1459721501832.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

> Her butt isn't actually that big.

>> No.15381610

back when he drew it for me, I told him the character is somewhat petite and bordering on malnourished, but he wanted to give her a big ol juicy butt
and so he did

>> No.15381676
File: 170 KB, 528x1400, 9b0703c465314820b371c0a68ceae912.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.15381682

A lot of ecchi/porn artists have that bad habit. It can't be helped.

>> No.15381692


>> No.15381880
File: 128 KB, 432x648, GIANT BOOTY.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Reading this, I got the urge to draw someone super malnourished.

>> No.15381893
File: 92 KB, 514x708, lumi thick.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Give that poor girl a carrot.
With respect to my friend, this was his response to me telling him that he drew her butt too big.

>> No.15382022

>Her butt isn't actually that big.
Oh, I thought the image didn't make much sense, I imagined her really slim.

>> No.15382252
File: 38 KB, 92x99, Untitled-1sin fondo.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I like it, please don't stop writing!
The jesus saves is offcentered, maybe if you put in an image like this it'll be easier to format.
>Some form of clarity struck the clouded minds of the other slack creatures as they saw those in front of me fall impassively to the ground. Their pace quickens and their slack movements become more precise, gunning for me in a frenzy I did not expect. As one of them rushes me, I club him over the head, and he recoiled a step from the blow - but he spins and a sloppy, loose fist bashes the side of my head. I stumble, dizzy.
The verbe tense confuses me a bit here, specially in the last part with club and recoil.

And here is an example of the things I've had to google
>A slovenly hand slams into my nose and I fall backward in daze, blood dripping from my nostrils.
I thought it's "backwards" so I google the word and find that they are the same word that means the same thing but americans use one and the british use the other.
I haven't had to google and read this much about english words or grammar in a long time, I thjink this makes the whole thing just a bit more fun.

>> No.15382342

Different poster here: the guy who keeps sending you chat messages on tumblr.
The prologue was solely boring because I already knew the quotes, but: the prologue almost certainly makes your story much more accessible to people who don't know about the concept of moon rabbits.
Of course, I know about moon rabbits, but your prologue gives good background information for people who don't.

I still think the mentioning of a splash is where my interest really piqued and I thought "aha, this is different from real history!"

>> No.15382636

I say this with non-offensive intentions, but I think the story may warrant it own thread if it's this popular.

>> No.15382717

A story is a big thing: I think it's getting around the same amount of attention a long comic would get.
As long as it isn't scaring away other artists and creative people, which I don't think it is, it's probably good to keep it in this thread.

Also, to the author: has the narrator's name been revealed?
If so, I'm bad with names and I forgot.

>> No.15382994

>As long as it isn't scaring away other artists and creative people
It encourages me seeing other's stories being supported. Requiring their own thread is even better. The worst it does is divert attention or will derail the thread when someone popular appears.

>> No.15383487

Usually when use a verb, I tend to switch the tense to "present" in the moment the verb is used, though my tense is typically in "past." It's a bad habit. It kind of clashes in this moment because it's an action scene - I'll see if I can clean up this passage.

When the pastor calls him "Little Drummer Boy," that is me as the author hinting at what his name is.
Otherwise, the narrator's name is never mentioned, and this is done purposefully.

I was afraid of this.
I apologize, if my writing is derailing the thread I will stop posting about it here. The last thing I want is to attentionwhore.

>> No.15383517

i want more crystal crown now

>> No.15383519

>I apologize, if my writing is derailing the thread I will stop posting about it here. The last thing I want is to attentionwhore
I said I didn't mean it offensively. I just feel if you're going to make it into a thing and it gains a following, why not make a thread whenever you have a significant update? This one thread doesn't have to contain everything /jp/ creates ever. If you can put interesting art as the OPs, you might even gain more people's interest.

It's not especially disruptive right now, as no one's doing anything and no one is having 100 posts of arguments like normal.

>> No.15383550

Well, I feel like that sort of thing would make more sense on /lit/, wouldn't it? The story, while it has a lot of /jp/ injokes and stuff, is hardly /jp/ material otherwise.

>no one is having 100 posts of arguments like normal.
That surprises me. The last time I came to one of these was nearly a year ago, so I had no idea people argued here.

>> No.15383647
File: 428 KB, 851x1300, heso.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Well, if you're posting here, you must be from around these parts, yeah? And the thread's called "/jp/'s original content".
The music guys could be posting on /mu/ but they're here

Looks pretty good, maybe work on being more confident with your lines. They look broken in some areas to me.

>> No.15384241

>done purposefully
Thought that. Thanks for not spoiling your own story! (that's important)

>> No.15384346

Thanks for the feedback! I do make my draft quite rough over for some reason. I must be light handed artist.

Is that a sketch you did or is more coming to it?

>> No.15384882

Yes and I'm writing a manga, I'm just not sure what I want it to be about yet.

>> No.15385279
File: 283 KB, 881x735, better late than never.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Nah, I'm done with it. I tried to "ink" it but that didn't work out so I gave up.

>> No.15386176

I miss him.

>> No.15386233

I don't understand this おっぱい揉む meme.

>> No.15386673
File: 124 KB, 600x505, New canvas.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

hey /jp/ how does a quiz game where you rape/have lovey-dovey sex with a girl sound to you?

depending on how well you answer her questions you'll be given a choice

if you answer most of her questions right then you'll be given the option to have consensual sex with her (though you can still rape her if you want) and also afterwards be given a choice on which girl you want to have sex with next

but if you can't answer her questions well enough then you'll be forced to rape her and go down a fixed path. The ending will depend on how well you answered all of the girls' questions and how many times you raped/not-raped the girls

would you be interested in playing this game?

>> No.15386691

a VN where a man discovers that if he is too stupid to woo a girl, the only other option is rape
sounds like an amazing concept

>> No.15387802

Sounds like those cruddy ero games posted on /f/ where you get three choices for each scene and one answer is right while the other two are really stupid.

>> No.15388110 [SPOILER]  [DELETED] 
File: 405 KB, 1280x1707, 1465755783018.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Is this the size of her butt?

>> No.15389414

Please stop with the rape

>> No.15389420

What if the girls are elves?

>> No.15389487

At least make it Rance-style "rape" where the girls are saying no but their eyes are saying yes, and they drop all pretense of not liking it soon after.

>> No.15389512

How lame.

>> No.15389524

Well, what type of story are you going for, here?
So if you fail the minigames, you fail to continue along the relationship arc and you fail, right? And so your character rapes her instead?

What's the narrative, here? What's going through your character's head?
>Tch, damn bitch, giving me that quiz! She was just trying to make me look stupid, those questions were impossible. I'll show that bitch what happens when you make fun of me!

>> No.15389549

>What's going through your character's head?
Sex with elves of course.

>> No.15389551

that wasn't me you were responding too but I really like branching paths in arcade games and find that it adds a lot of replayability. Coming back to rape or make love to her the second time around sounds like a really novel concept! It might be the first rape-quiz-game ever to my knowledge.

You have to plant your seed inside of three different girls for your inanimate doll waifu you've fallen in love with recently. Doing so will give her the ability to move and make passionate cloth-y love with you. On your way to do so a shady hooded figure gives you a spray that will make a woman more honest with her feelings. This will allow for you to have consensual sex but only if you're able to pass the clear-quota for a girls' quiz without failing to answer too many of her questions.

Depending on how many girls you rape/use the spray on and your win-to-lose ratio you'll unlock a different ending.

>> No.15389572
File: 52 KB, 180x240, explain further.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>You have to plant your seed inside of three different girls for your inanimate doll waifu you've fallen in love with recently. Doing so will give her the ability to move and make passionate cloth-y love with you.
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to elaborate.

>> No.15389611

You've arrived to a new town to escape an incestual relationship with your sister because you find it wrong. upon arriving you start hearing voices in your head telling you where to go. After some walking you find yourself in an old dustry apartment with nothing in it but a chair and a giant stuffed doll wearing a dress. She begins talking to you and you to her. You quickly fall in love and express how you wish to marry her! But sadly she is just a doll, she cannot move... However, she knows of a way to make the impossible possible. Using some black magic and planting your seed within three girls you've not spent two days with (ie complete strangers) you'll be able to grant her will to move a reality.

>> No.15389627

I'll reserve judgement until I actually see the writing in action, but it's a... interesting premise, to say the least.

>> No.15389631
File: 37 KB, 419x424, 50146348_p0.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I want it and I want it now!

>> No.15389664

Thank you. I'll finish up this commission and then get back to work on game. I've made some progress and the coding is done for the most part but I still have to draw for it. Knowing it isn't a completely crap idea gives me will to finish it, thank you.

>> No.15389676

>a giant stuffed doll wearing a dress
A fumo?

>> No.15389677

Well, for one thing, I'd suggest keeping the fact that he came to his new town to escape an incestuous relationship on the down low. Like, have that something that you discover later in the story and is only sort of insinuated on... not outright stated. You probably don't want your game to start with, "I couldn't keep fucking my sister, so I moved to this town. Now I'm hearing voices because not fucking my sister for a week has driven me insane."

Also the black magic thing to bring the doll to life sounds straight up silly the way you described it. There better be a very good reason why you need to fuck total strangers to make it work.

>> No.15389682

>"I couldn't keep fucking my sister, so I moved to this town. Now I'm hearing voices because not fucking my sister for a week has driven me insane."

That sounds like something that would be a sub plot of a VN.

>> No.15389686

Oh I thought it was just an idea, you are going to draw, code and write the story?

>> No.15389712

Artist friend reporting in, that sketch was a study
of Synedoche's methods of drawing phat asses.
I merely slapped Lumi's face on top of it.
I'd prefer if you didn't post it though because it's
not original at all.

>> No.15389713

not as cute.
to not reveal it now would make it seem like an ass-pull later on though (because it will be relevant)
of course!

>> No.15389844

>this should be a study
What the fuck come on

>> No.15389859


>> No.15391273

I think he's implying the quality is high, higher than he'd expect for what he expects a study to be.

>> No.15391279

> high quality

it's litterally just a copy of >>15381676

>> No.15391298

Which he admitted to. There was a misunderstanding between the writer and artist. Please let it go.

>> No.15391322

Interesting new Moondust post, learning about his life.
I wonder how he escaped the same fate his parents and neighbors had.

>> No.15391326 [SPOILER]  [DELETED] 
File: 156 KB, 1280x720, 1465815701107.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

That's a comfy bun.
Here's mine.

>> No.15391331 [DELETED] 

that's a dog

>> No.15391337 [DELETED] 

The white rabbit I posted isn't mine. I had a black netherland dwarf, but I only have film photographs of him, no digital photographs.
Handsome rabbit you have! What's his personality like?

>> No.15391354 [DELETED] 

My neighbors have a rabbit. It occasionally sneaks into my back yard to eat my clovers. It's grey and doesn't like having its ears touched.

Escaping from drug culture is not so easy a thing. Yes, the narrator abstains out of a combination of disgust and fear, but he can't get away from the people around him who do it.

>> No.15391393 [DELETED] 

Yeah, I was wondering how he was able to develop disgust and fear before becoming completely addicted to something.
But don't answer that.

>> No.15391422 [DELETED] 

From the previous chapter:
>I had been there before. I did not ever want to go there again.

It's a theme I mostly imply and don't preach about too much. Rest assured, he has seen and felt the firsthand effects of these things. He is not just a straight edgelord.

>> No.15391466 [DELETED] 

Oh yeah, oops!
And n'aww, I don't think he's an edgelord, just incredibly disappointed with his surroundings and cynical about it, and in my opinion, rightfully so.
The only thing that makes me curious is how he never ended up like his peers. Guess some things are innate.

>> No.15391505 [SPOILER]  [DELETED] 
File: 486 KB, 1280x960, 1465819847738.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Netherland dwarves are so cute! What was he like? And thank you! He's overly cautious about new things, but he loves to be active and likes to squeeze himself into small spaces. He also enjoys being followed around. His brother is more lazy and cuddly, but he can be bossy.

>> No.15391513 [DELETED] 

How adorable! I wonder if clovers make a good treat for rabbits. Does it dig under a fence to get to your yard?

>> No.15391533 [DELETED] 

He was usually sorta shy, but he still liked attention and would sometimes come to you. But he'd never really let you come to him. And despite being shy, he enjoyed sitting in people's laps.
We think him being shy may have been due to not being socialised when he was young: we found him on the side of a road in the grass. A left-behind easter bunny.
I think all rabbits can do this, but he wasn't dumb, we were able to train him to use a litter box, which was convenient. Also, for such a long time, he never bit cables, so we were able to let him stay out of his cage most of the time. But he eventually did start chewing.
Cute orange rabbit, too. I've seen this image before: what exactly is going on with your cat? Just curious.

>> No.15392354
File: 320 KB, 800x1145, rabbit.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

i tried today j p
i'm sorry ;_;

>> No.15392409

I like it a lot!
Though I myself would rather bite the rabbit somewhere around his meaty parts.

>> No.15392496


>> No.15392697

Rabbit is very frighten. Such scare.
Neat drawing.

>> No.15392726

Here is the next part, in which the narrator and rabbit girl receive a strange letter. Some of my favorite scenes are in this chapter.

Cute rabbit. I hope I'm able to draw on your level someday, it's quite nice.

>> No.15392770

Along with flanfly, your daily update is among my favourite times of day now.

>> No.15393012

11st instead of 11th?
Church mice remind me of a series that was good to read as a child: Redwall.
>long socks to me were kneesocks to her
This is just style, but I think using for instead of to would be more readable.
>run down apartments
run-down could increase readability.
>chain link fence
chain-link too could increase readability, and when googling "chain link fence" I find many results also use a dash, so there is precedent for it.
>chipped away sidewalk
Yeah, in general, if two words actually are a single adjective modifying a noun, they benefit from having a dash in between them. I'm not sure if mentioning these is annoying or helpful or not, though, so I won't put the rest in this post.
>Beatrix Potter
Phenomenal choice!

That was fun, learning about things. Beatrix is an irritating lady for sure, though.

>> No.15393022

Alright, perhaps I'll go over the story again and use dashes for compound word adjectives. I suppose I wasn't sure what was correct.
Thanks for reading it.

>> No.15393342

i'll never forgive you if you harm a rabbit

>> No.15393481

Ah, i used to do this with the cat

>> No.15393637

How many eyes did you lose?

>> No.15394306
File: 116 KB, 621x692, 061316 nitoshiri.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15394330

What emotion is this face trying to convey?

>> No.15394347

It looks like somewhere between "you don't think you could possibly satisfy me with that tiny thing, do you" and "please don't rape me, mister."

>> No.15394360

I think she looks embarrassed, but the hat makes it very misleading.

>> No.15394657

Why the hat?

>> No.15395779

Hats are a universal symbol of consent

>> No.15395913

Weird, I think she looks anticipatory.

>> No.15395975

She looks like she was about to fuck, but the viewer just pulled out a gun and she's frozen terrified. I like it

>> No.15396033
File: 103 KB, 227x230, Typical LN title.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I get the impression of something like this.

>> No.15396093

Because it has a sperm drawn on it, how can someone be embarrassed when they are wearing a hat like that?

>> No.15397400

Oh I seemed to have missed the previous update.
From The Soggy Hares.
>Even the most devout of men will succumb to his devil’s wiles once in a blue moon.
Is "his" a mistake or did you mean to say his as in whatever devil his religion/church has?
From The Church Mouse Fellowship:
>on this the 11st of October.
I'm fairly sure it's 11th, I remember this one was the only exception in cardinals as it's 21st, 31st, 41st...
>The hall ultimately lead to a larger room I assume once housed pews and a podium from which a pastor gave sermons
I think it should either be led or leads.
>“Oh, yes. That old phrase.” Beatrix’s spritely voice suddenly became quite old and tired. “For the earth be’est a pig sty all the little people are corralled within, as the heavens see it.
You forgot the closing "
Also I think pigsty is one whole word.
>“For the how of it, I think, you needs speak to its creator. I am unfamiliar with the grisly process myself.”
Though this may be an old english way to say it or something like that.

I'm enjoying the story quite a lot, I hope I'm not being a bother by pointing out the mistakes.

>> No.15397766

>I'm fairly sure it's 11th,
I know... I did 11st on purpose to make it sound more formal and old english-y. If that's just plain not correct I can change it, I suppose.
>did you mean to say his as in whatever devil his religion/church has?
Yes, precisely. The Pastor is a devoutly Christian man, and 'his devil' would be Satan.
>You forgot the closing "
I didn't forget. I left it open so I could have her continue to speak in the next paragraph. It might have been unnecessary in this case, but that's why I did it.

>I hope I'm not being a bother by pointing out the mistakes.
No, it's honestly very helpful, you're pointing out things I may not have seen or realized myself. I wouldn't want to send this off to a publisher with spelling or punctuation errors, after all.

Here's today's post, in which Lumi and the narrator go looking for a missing person.

>> No.15397925

Not him, but I get no results for "elevenst" when looking online. There seems to be no precedent for it, neither formal nor informal.
Hyped to read this post now.

>> No.15397964
File: 116 KB, 465x1145, Doodles ssv5 .png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15397979

It's really cute but why is the background yellow?

>> No.15398090
File: 107 KB, 384x574, Doodles v5 www .png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Because I suck choosing colors and I kinda like that cream-yellow something. It's pleasant to rest the sight a couple of hours looking at it while I draw her. Then I just don't change it when I finish

>> No.15398119
File: 113 KB, 465x1145, 1465944055300b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

This is the last time you are this lazy!

>> No.15398127
File: 90 KB, 384x574, 1465945559523b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15398148

Sweet anon thanks and almost without loosing quality
I will delete the images now if I still can

>> No.15398861
File: 1.64 MB, 1920x2560, IMG_20160615_040629.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

sorry for the shitty photo

>> No.15399218

Those are some very nice looking fingers and nails.

>> No.15399240

dem sharkteeth

>> No.15399797

>I had to find Homer and question him - my only other course of action was to sit around in the complex and revel in my impotency, which I wouldn’t mind doing if I was on my own, but was loathe to do while she could see me doing it.
I think the "was" should be an "would".
>The building lie on the edge of suburbia, in the center of a neglected and aging road whose cracked pavement and broken sidewalk were akin to elderly wrinkles and sunspots.
I think it's "lies".

>> No.15400933

>rabbit girl bad begun
Not a biggie: bad --> had
I see you say red-violet a lot, if you do want to be less repetitive about it (only if you want to, it's fine to drill in the fact that her eyes are exactly that mix of colors), the colors between red and violet are often called purple.
As the other anon said about the building not "lie"ing there, "lies" would put it in present tense, so "lay" might be better, to keep things in past tense.
Ahh, some people have good choice in ThankPads.
>What can I do you for?
This sentence sounds really bad! Is she supposed to be this way, out of focusing on the computer more than the protagonists? s/you for/for you/

Really sweet chapter.
You did a good job at making me, the reader, believe that Markus is Galahad. And if he isn't, I'll truly have been rused. Good job~

>> No.15401445
File: 1.36 MB, 1920x2560, IMG_20160615_201302.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Well i guess its finished.
hopefully one day i'll learn how to resize pictures on the phone

>> No.15401540


>> No.15402334

Is Remilia the kind of girl that likes to wear odd socks and shoes?

>> No.15402336

The thing is red-violet is a real color.
I also do not want to give her the same eye color as a certain Disney bunny character that everyone now recognizes. It is bad enough that fan artists depict her humanized with silver twintails.

>What can I do you for?
Maybe this is just a local colloquialism, but I had the receptionist say this because it sounds like something a bumpkin would say. I've heard it used in media often by someone with a southern drawl accent, and I've heard some people in my real life use it too (who were in fact bumpkins).

I am glad you were able to pick that up. I worried I was being too subtle about it - in the first draft of the book, people told me 'Galahad' seemed to pop up out of nowhere.
Here's the next part, in which an old lady is awoken from her nap.

>> No.15402350

The small details on this are very nice, like the detailed knuckles and bones in the hand, and the frills on her socks. Good job, that's a scary Remi.

>> No.15402639

Ah, I see.
I don't live in the south, so I didn't know that sort of phrasing could really exist.

The royal family was rabbit instead of lunarian? Holy shit! Didn't expect that at all, with the present situation being of lunarians controlling the rabbits.

Naice, naice. I am excited to read more of this story and learn new things about this universe. I didn't find any errors in this post! Neat~

>> No.15402891
File: 128 KB, 800x700, slippin.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I think I'm close to finding my groove

>> No.15403082
File: 336 KB, 800x640, 77.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I am having difficulty thinking of what to add to my game. I think there will be bosses but they are difficult and require their own code. I was thinking of maybe some more enemies and concepts like bonus things (like how the donkey kong games did it) but I am not sure.

If you have any suggestions I would like to hear them.

>> No.15403101

You play as a little squid in the sea, right?
Have you ever played Ecco the Dolphin? You might consider looking to those games for level design ideas.

>> No.15403110


I have but ecco's level design isn't actually the best. I've been looking more towards the water levels of the newer rayman games like rayman origins and legends which are really nice. Level design has been a very arduous process.

>> No.15403227

>but ecco's level design isn't actually the best.
But man, tubes. SKY tubes!

>> No.15403319

Guess i did one shoe too dark.

>> No.15403506

Is there a story to this game? If not, some cute things to do with a qt squidtopus would be nice. Like... maybe rescuing a school of fish from being eaten by a shark, or from a fishing net.

>> No.15403559

Cute eye colour.

>> No.15403727

A power up where you get huge

>> No.15403810
File: 427 KB, 1252x648, satori bj wip2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Does anyone else struggle with going really slowly and running out of steam when drawing?

>> No.15404922

I gave up drawing porn because i get tired before finishing it

>> No.15405551

Which hand gets tired first?

>> No.15405847

My hands and dick never get tired. its drawing porn that is boring

>> No.15407090

The next bit, in which a hermit explains her past.

I've been having some second thoughts about posting the entire work online, though. I will probably have to take it down if I ever want to get published.

>> No.15407116

There have been many books in the world that exist for free online, and also as a physical book.
Please put your story under a good licence (creative commons, GFDL, public domain) that allows people to read it for free.
A story doesn't exist to make money: it exists to be read. If less people read it, what's the point of it existing?

>> No.15407121

Yes, I feel the same way. I am happy to simply have people read and enjoy my work.
It is just that many publishers reject works that have ever been posted online at all.

I guess it doesn't matter if I self-publish.

>> No.15407156

You're right, yes: also, it's good you do what you enjoy.
I really apologise for expressing my intense fear of capitalism and intellectual property, but I truly do believe IP restrictions aren't good for readers.

>> No.15407248

>The first I’ve heard of humans going to the moon is NASA
I feel as though most people would say Armstrong or Apollo instead of NASA.
"Saw in us the hunger for her serenity and sought our treachery from the very beginning."
Sought is relating to seeking, rather than seeing. This implies he wanted to own the treachery.
I didn't see that coming, Galahad drinking the Remedium. Wow!
>take inventory of your invalid
This sounds more like checking what's in his pockets, than anything else, to me.

What an enlightening and cute post. That amusing dream, too.

>> No.15407344 [DELETED] 

>I didn't see that coming, Galahad drinking the Remedium. Wow!
If you think back to what the Separatist in the nursing home said, that's exactly why they want him. He won't die from bloodloss like Lumi would. He is an infinite skoab spigot.

>> No.15407345 [DELETED] 

Stop using spoilers like that. That's the most homosexual thing you could do. Also, you should move your discussion to discord or whatever.

>> No.15407360 [DELETED] 

I apologize... I asked about it once before, and I guess it just seemed okay since the thread was slow. I'll stop and only post if I have something new to post.

>> No.15407384

Thank you for understanding.

>> No.15407419

What happened here?

>> No.15407970

The author of the story was bullied out of the thread by some loser.
There's no reason not to post in this thread, as when the thread goes off of page 10, a new thread can be made. Useful discussion was occurring that was helping both the author and the readers. It's no different from the art/drawing critiques in this thread.

>> No.15408341

>as when the thread goes off of page 10, a new thread can be made
You can make a new thread right now though, be it about the book or another OC thread. There's no some thread title limit rule.

>> No.15408385

One of the irritating things about 4chan is that if you make a thread for something you created, it's liable to get nuked for "advertising" (see also: the sheer number of people who try to make you watch their YouTube video and get banned.)

I suppose you could try taking your chances if you make it clear that it was drafted here. Or maybe even just make a dedicated OC thread for writing.

>> No.15408700

>its drawing porn that is boring
Then why do you draw it?
If you're not getting paid to do it, find something you actually like.

>> No.15409907

In fact I don't.
well now that i think about it, probably nobody cares about my stuff for this exact reason...

>> No.15411397

The next bit, in which an estranged child goes home.

>> No.15411689

Ah, I wondered why they were procrastinating so long on going back to the moon. Now I know.

That was interesting to read, to learn more about him and his life.

>> No.15411694
File: 541 KB, 1920x1628, kancorekongou.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Time to Linework

>> No.15411756

Her outfit looks sharp, as in pointy and spiky.

>> No.15411782

fixing, thanks >>15411756

>> No.15412502
File: 747 KB, 2048x1536, DSCN3114.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Seiga and Yoshika

>> No.15412508
File: 779 KB, 2048x1536, DSCN3116.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Yoshika and Seiga

>> No.15412509

Reminds me of the older anime/manga style that used to exist decades ago.

>> No.15412515
File: 44 KB, 400x667, dirtypair.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I'll take that as a compliment

>> No.15412516

That's a cute Yoshika.

>> No.15412538

It is. It's very cute, what you did with highlighters.

>> No.15412565

They're actually just Prisma markers. I hope to get copics soon.

>> No.15412665


>> No.15412703

I disagree

>> No.15412785

I stand on my point but respect your different opinion.

>> No.15412815
File: 12 KB, 476x443, kei.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I respect yours too.

>> No.15413013

Seiga is a hermit of physical hole magic
Turanpu-kun is a yokai of economic holes (in his election promises)
Sasuga jaypee...

>> No.15413023
File: 184 KB, 537x813, TENSHI.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I've been wanting to draw Tenshi in an Imaishi-like pose. That being said, my laptop has low hertz so it's difficult to tell what looks good.

>> No.15413046

I like it.

>> No.15414839
File: 447 KB, 1000x1000, 20160606f.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

hey /jp

>> No.15414878

Pointy chins. Otherwise cute.

>> No.15415003

What's on bottom-center's back?

>> No.15417559

me in the photo

>> No.15418440
File: 328 KB, 700x1127, burg_kosher.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>draw porn
>get called a sellout
I kinda know how it feels.

>> No.15418607

should've drawn porn from the very beginning

>> No.15418920

what's on the tape?

>> No.15419709

The final part, for now, in which the batter hits a home run.

>> No.15419881

>in which the batter hits a home run.
You saying there's ero in this?

>> No.15419894

Not that kind of home run.

>> No.15420165


“As if to say, ‘we know this is a lie.’”
Since some of the quotes are in italics, and this one isn't, it took me a moment to realise it was coming from the same speaker.
Also, just out of curiosity, since this is always a fun question, what text editor do you use? You use smart quotation marks, but some of the single ones look backwards.
He took slow steps toward as he spoke
I think a word may be missing between toward and as.
As for the story, I do feel sorry for the rabbits and what the Lunarians have done to them. Because of that, if he wasn't so cruel, I don't see Jack as being purely evil.
I think you intend for that though, so this probably isn't a surprise.
slug him with the end of the handle
Wouldn't it be the end of the bat? The handle is what a person holds onto, the bat is what is swung on the other end.
That drug sequence was odd and interesting.
If I never come back, tell my mother I’m sorry.
That line feels out of place, as I don't sense any positive feelings between him and his family.

Also, neat!

>> No.15420242
File: 56 KB, 1000x1000, Aluminium_bat_Short.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>Since some of the quotes are in italics, and this one isn't,
When a speaker recites scripture in the story, I italicize it. Since this part was just Jack speaking and mocking it, I did not.
>What text editor do you use?
I type out the raw story in Notepad++ and format it in Google docs.
>I think a word may be missing between toward and as.
>Wouldn't it be the end of the bat?
A baseball bat has a flat 'circle' at the end of the handle. I am implying the narrator bashed them with that circle.
>That line feels out of place
The implications of this line are twofold.
One, he does not hate his family. They are not good people and he doesn't want to live with them, but he still doesn't like to abandon them without so much as a word. In fact, though he went back home to fetch his old baseball bat, there was an ulterior motive. The visit was also his way of saying goodbye to his family.

It's also a reference to a song.

>> No.15420781
File: 292 KB, 1920x1628, kancorekongou.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

The linework is almost done.

>> No.15421032

I can't visualize and I don't have an active imagination?

>> No.15421079

visualization and imagination is overrated, just copy shit

>> No.15421162

I see, now!
I wish some of it was more obvious to me, but your story is good and fun: congrats.

>> No.15421198

Thank you.
If something is a little too obtuse for the average reader then that is probably a mistake on my part.
Orwell said to always make things clear to your reader, as to sort of take pity on the poor bastard who decided to read your book. I used to write completely obtuse bullshit all the time and I've learned that's not the way to go.

So, feedback like "oh, I understand what you were trying to say here" is valuable to me. It means I was able to write something people picked up without having to spell it out.

Anyway, thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

>> No.15421290
File: 120 KB, 602x852, 20160612.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

you make a point

fan/propellers. supposed to be a quad-copter drone but forgot the propellers on the legs


see next pic

>> No.15421307
File: 114 KB, 1080x810, DSC03136a - Copy.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I found it in a Friends of the Library store for $1.
I no longer have a working VCR...

>> No.15421418

Well if you want to draw it, just do it.
but my opinion is that your drawing powers are better suited for cute or bizzarre stuff.

>> No.15421450

Look, its one of those "manga" cartoons

>> No.15422432
File: 406 KB, 1043x997, spr scrt sxy tape.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Was hoping for something more lewd.

>> No.15422450

It is lewd though

>> No.15422475 [DELETED] 
File: 16 KB, 333x279, 1432847526694.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Why are /jp/ drawthreads so awful?

>> No.15422509 [DELETED] 

Thank God for modern anime style, this 80s shit is killing me. So damn ugly.

>> No.15422548 [DELETED] 

Yeah thankfully also annoying people like that Mabuto Corbanyashi that drew those shitty 2D robots is now geriatric and relegated to franchises only century old farts give a fuck about out of senile nostalgia, like the space Titanic or how the fuck that pile of normieism was called. long live the magic of 3D modeling, savior of us truetaku

>> No.15422878 [DELETED] 
File: 346 KB, 640x480, i don&#039;t like this.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Too bad you're missing out on great shows that built modern anime

>> No.15422887 [DELETED] 

Well now i know what I'm going to draw next

>> No.15423307 [DELETED] 

Updated version of Dirty Pair Flash designs? Modern day moe anime style?

>> No.15423550 [DELETED] 

Dirty pair in the only way i can draw

>> No.15423610

>calling an artist a sellout

isn't that kind of the point?

>> No.15424220

Nah, /ic/ is the place for that

>> No.15425514 [DELETED] 

OPM and BnHA are better than all your jurassic trash togheter

>> No.15426315
File: 771 KB, 2480x2082, tranny.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Straight from Go Nagai's trashcan, a half idol/half assassin created in a government experiment.

>> No.15427245
File: 588 KB, 1920x1628, kancorekongou.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>> No.15428335

Anatomy is too detailed to be Nagai

>> No.15430374
File: 641 KB, 800x640, clamproblems.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I am having a problem with this clam. when I play the animation in unity's animation timeline it works fine with the back and fort rocking (as seen in the first part of the video) but then when I play the actual game it does not rock back and forth in rotation.

The animator is getting the component in the child but I don't think that would be a problem. maybe I will try again and see if it fixes it.

>> No.15430674


>> No.15430682
File: 759 KB, 1607x1620, Kancorefinalsinfirma233.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Oh. Done!

>> No.15431158

That's some pretty decent coloring. Nice work.

>> No.15431430

Hello, I made an arrange of my favorite touhou song. It is the first more than a few bars long that I've made.

Nice, but there seem to be quite a few stray uncolored white dots.

>> No.15431499

Lazy fill tool usage.

>> No.15431681
File: 2.06 MB, 800x640, clammer.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I think perhaps the creatures in future will need more moving parts for tweening. the opening seems okay but the closing looks weird.

>> No.15431684 [DELETED] 
File: 370 KB, 632x1000, 1466428912340.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Requesting Junko edit

>> No.15431705

I think it's too slow and that's why it looks strange.

>> No.15431913

I like the clam's design. it looks it something from a Rare game.
It would definitely look better if the closing animation was a bit faster.

>> No.15432111
File: 1.41 MB, 800x640, seahorse.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


Thanks. I tried a seahorse but I think it needs a bit more work too. Right now I've just been trying to think of types of enemies because I'm kind of reworking them.

>> No.15432501
File: 392 KB, 640x495, Cldk4uVVAAAiVJF.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Tegaki are fun.

>> No.15432635
File: 157 KB, 900x900, this cant be right.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Pretty nicely done, though

>> No.15432661
File: 385 KB, 640x495, Cld5sGaUoAAb8WT.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Another one.

>> No.15432698

Is that the ISIS hand gesture?

>> No.15432712
File: 1009 KB, 500x350, fingerpoke of doom.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.15433643
File: 1.57 MB, 800x640, group.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

The starfish I made a while back seems to fit with the others well enough.

>> No.15433783

Very cute I like how the starfish follows you with its eye

>> No.15434521
File: 204 KB, 500x500, cover.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Hey, jay! Did a gabba track. Any tips?
Going silly and not applying music theory is hard stuff.


>> No.15434572

post the kayak video

>> No.15434789
File: 456 KB, 804x796, mouth.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Here, anon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU5cMZymSr0

Also, allow me to give some (very late) feedback on y'all.

Well... cute. Keep it up, anon.

At least they haven't saved it BECAUSE it sucks. Ask Hatsune Peanut.

This is like Bomberman 64 meets Animal Crossing. I like it.
But could have used a pumping kick to make it dancing.

Sounds madly off-key, and the melody keeps getting me back to this resolution:

The sounds used are pleasant, though. And I like the voice thing.

No comments? Anatomy is shit, but it's still cute somehow! Easy on the chicken scratch.

Hair seems a bit too "deep" into her skull, I'd liquify it a bit on the upper left part to give some volume there.

Somehow I don't feel comfy enough. Fiddled a lot until I found the problem: mouth is not cute!

I really like this. Work on your silhouettes, you can surely become a cutemaster.

Is she Christian?

I don't like how drowned in white noise (?) this feels, but otherwise it's a great track!

Didn't you stop posting before with the same excuse? Stop doing that. I read your comics, no need for drama.

Work on your cuteness levels. Eyes are too far apart and small, mouth too big and low. Here.

Cute scribbly style, dudes!

These faces are pure nightmare fuel. Everything else is decent enough, though.
You say JoJo style, but I actually think of gothic makeup and ballet when looking at this. Fix ASAP, or make the rest of the drawing as exaggerated as the faces.

Holly moly! Thanks for that.


>> No.15434794

I thought you quit because of the melting bully, glad to see life is the culprit!

Face is too long (vertically), other than that pretty cool.

Please don't butcher bellies with abyssal trenches.
I like it otherwise.

Cool! That rabbit's mouth, though...

Shokotan, is that you?

This is unevenly volumized. Torso and head, for instance, are very good, but lower butt and arm are flat. Some overlapping strokes would be key here, I think.

Looks like you tend to simplify shapes until they become rounded squares. Learn to give things pointy and strong edges where needed, silhouettes are important!
Cute, nevertheless. Specially soldier loli.

Holy crap, that is really nice!
I'm afraid the dress blew it, though. Looks rather flat and awkward. Hands and fire look amazing.

I like this lineart style. Try adding some highlights on the hair and you're good to go.

Also recommending you make some overlapping lines to suggest volume in certain parts of the drawing. But I added now a quote for the linearted version and it has greatly improved! Maybe some lineweight can help, too.
And the shaded version seems incomplete on the hair, although it eliminated the need for better linework on the body.

Don't go putting your drawings on the ground, it's dirty!
Watch your wrists.

Lovely! I really like triangular composition, too bad people avoid it for not being "dynamic". The frontmost arm is out of perspective, but other than that it's very pleasant to look at.


Oops, almost didn't see this post. Overall, great!
Play a bit more with panning if you can, might give interesting dynamics to it.

Please, please, darken the blue of the clam's mouth, it's blending with the BG and ticking me off!
Also there seems to be some inconsistency on having/not having lines on sprites, why? Jellyfish is practically lineless, so it feels a bit of a strange style mix.

>> No.15434942
File: 127 KB, 1280x720, 1464719593268.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Who are you and what do you do?
Please post your work

>> No.15435028

>Sounds madly off-key
is it really that bad? i don't know much about music theory honestly.

>> No.15435077

I am Anonymous and I do not forget.

On all seriousness, though, I hope you're not trying to draw the "you can only critique if you're better" card. I'm offering the advice I can and each artist must weigh whether to take it or not. Always take Anonymous with a grain of salt.

>> No.15435088

Thank you, I wanted a proper ending originally but I just wanted it to end. Nice drawing by the way.

He is >>15434521

It sounds fine to me. It's just a bit discordant but that's usually not a bad thing at all, especially if that's what you were going for. You don't need music theory to make good music, it's just a tool.

>> No.15435187
File: 419 KB, 640x495, Clg3mCfVYAUcT12.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]


>> No.15435808
File: 94 KB, 1280x720, 1464719999789.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Yeah, yeah, I know all that. But if you're going to be telling people stuff as if you're a master chef in his kitchen, I think it's preferred that you know what you're about, right?

And try not put in too many of your personal opinions and preferences, senpai

>> No.15436407

Can we please stop posting images of shit you haven't made in these threads?

>> No.15436968

Who are you even talking about? Images posted that aren't done on this thread are quite obvious enough.

>> No.15436989

He's telling the anime poster to stop posting anime.

>> No.15437005

>easy on the chicken scratch
I'm still trying to work on that. It's also just a doodle rather than a 'real' picture.

>> No.15437438

>I'm afraid the dress blew it
Clothes are my worst enemy

>> No.15438035 [DELETED] 

I like ham, Boku and wylee!

>> No.15438292 [DELETED] 

What the hell are you babbling about? This is the OC thread.

>> No.15438320 [DELETED] 


>> No.15438364 [DELETED] 

Its the drawfags you fucking dumb motherfucker piece of dog shit cocksuck-roach
"I tried today /jp/"

>> No.15438375 [DELETED] 

Don't turn this into a namedropping popularity contest. Judge the art for the art, not because you lack human interaction to the point you harass artists.

>> No.15438385 [DELETED] 

Oh, bitch-tan. Also calm down dude, you too >>15438375.

>> No.15439748

A present for a friend..''Selfie'' (in Progress)

>> No.15439753


>> No.15439758
File: 1.22 MB, 4030x3304, Selfie.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

My bad..

>> No.15440574

Hand is too small, other than that it's fine.

Welcome to page 10, folks. Are you feeling cold yet?

>> No.15440576

Thread's on page 9 now.

>> No.15440577

If you look to your right, the gate is already there. Aren't you thrilled?

>> No.15440806


Hands is indeed too small, but there are other issues.
The chest is placed unnaturally.Too far on the right and the breasts falls weirdly.

>> No.15440897

/jp/ isn't really fast, even when a thread is dying it still have a bit of time.

>> No.15440945

*Right for her, it's left for us. Sorry.