/jp/'s Original Content/Drawthread #179

File: 329 KB, 1064x1300, 179.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

/jp/'s Original Content/Drawthread #179 Anonymous Thu Jun 2 12:00:45 2016 No.15333316 [Reply] [Original]

General original content/drawthread for /jp/sies. You may use this thread to contribute your works or to share ideas related to possible projects. Anything OC is welcomed; including drawings, writings, music, and programming.

Previous thread: >>15212758

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 2 12:55:03 2016 No.15333533 Space marines shouldn't be allowed to be this cute.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 2 12:56:40 2016 No.15333543 >>15333533 She's actually a little ball of pure hatred. Just tell her she wont be getting ice cream.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 2 14:33:05 2016 No.15333962 >>15333543 even so i have balls of love to even out her hatred, if you know what i mean

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 2 15:17:40 2016 No.15334099 File: 2.10 MB, 1227x1129, Lamenters_2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] got ptsd from painting lamenters checkers/heart pattern fucking hell

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 2 15:39:59 2016 No.15334169 File: 20 KB, 300x282, Lamenters_Livery.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15334099 It must be done.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 03:53:02 2016 No.15336992 File: 408 KB, 900x1273, the face of someone who played vidya all day.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I tried the other day, /jp/. Not trying for a few weeks have made me rusty.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 09:39:17 2016 No.15337855 >>15336992 Good work! Now start drawing lots of lewds of her pls!

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:29:47 2016 No.15339166 File: 338 KB, 1600x900, astronaut-outer-space-moon-nasa-astronauts.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15333316 Requesting edits with these pics

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:31:37 2016 No.15339175 File: 947 KB, 1680x1050, moon_astronauts_moonwalk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:32:43 2016 No.15339183 File: 575 KB, 2560x1600, moon_nasa_astronaut chasing moonnerds.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:33:55 2016 No.15339186 File: 538 KB, 2340x2364, moon astronaut apollo diggin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:34:59 2016 No.15339189 File: 718 KB, 2340x2364, moon surface astronaut strut.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:36:28 2016 No.15339197 File: 213 KB, 1680x1050, moon astronaut moonride.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:37:31 2016 No.15339204 File: 227 KB, 685x685, moonwalk3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:38:33 2016 No.15339207 File: 205 KB, 904x913, moon shopping.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 15:48:49 2016 No.15339244 >>15339207 >>15339204 >>15339197 >>15339189 >>15339186 >>15339183 >>15339175 >>15339166 del

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 18:39:15 2016 No.15339984 >>15336992 I knew you were cute

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 18:53:20 2016 No.15340045 >>15336992 I would pie that grill.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 19:02:16 2016 No.15340094 File: 619 KB, 1475x1248, sluts.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] rate my boatsluts >>15336992 cumworthy, would save up one week's worth of jizz over

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 19:16:28 2016 No.15340156 File: 1.60 MB, 1040x1320, Coolrem2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Is this ok?

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 19:29:23 2016 No.15340207 >>15336992 Is that Hange from shingeki no kyojin?

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 21:51:16 2016 No.15340814 >>15340156 I always knew Remi was a Jew.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 22:49:27 2016 No.15341073 >>15340156 The nose is too large, oy vey The shoulder feels kinda broad for a girl and the legs too long unless that was your intention and you wanted her to look trans.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 3 22:51:15 2016 No.15341084 >>15340156 im fuckign dying over here lmoa

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 4 01:32:38 2016 No.15341690 >>15340156 I like the shading on the dress and detail on the wings

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 4 02:32:29 2016 No.15341980 >>15340156 Remi is a jewish crossdresser!

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 4 03:13:17 2016 No.15342085 >>15336992 Why does she looks so thirsty for semen? I wouldn't mind feeding her everyday though

Anonymous Sat Jun 4 06:10:52 2016 No.15342478

>>15340094
Pretty good, mate. Can't say for sure, but the left girl seems to have a somewhat large torso compared to her lower body. But the rest seems to be pretty much flawless, aside from the lack of detail at points.

>>15340156
The colours are all right, though I can't figure out under which circumstances the lighting and shading could make sense.
The left shoulder looks too large compared to the other one.
The dress looks very weird. The original "puffiness" is lost and it looks like a weirdly parted, fluttery rocket ship.
Her shoes make a clownish impression on me.
Her face indeed looks, to say the least, not very pretty. The nose is too long, the eyes too small or placed too high or both.

It's not as bad as I make it out to be, though. It's a fine piece of work that definetely has flaws, but at your level it should be easy to work those out. Ganbare, anon

Anonymous Sat Jun 4 06:32:57 2016 No.15342532
File: 436 KB, 1280x768, kokorowip.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Does it look like her buttons are kind of tight on her shirt and the skin is showing? I can't tell if I communicated that or not.
Also I didn't realize Kokoro had those cute buttons on her shirt. The child-likeness of them really compliment her black face.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 4 07:13:34 2016 No.15342611 >>15342532 >her black face Kokoro is not a nigger, anon

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 4 11:34:01 2016 No.15343289 File: 196 KB, 1137x850, el.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 4 12:10:53 2016 No.15343438 >>15343289 cute lolis

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 4 12:13:00 2016 No.15343450 >>15342611 Who are you quoting?

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 4 16:59:05 2016 No.15344728 File: 215 KB, 700x700, keitai.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] tfw my trial period for opencanvas just run out today >>15342532 It does. Why didn't you use thinner lines like you did on her hair?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 5 11:33:03 2016 No.15348353 File: 372 KB, 1040x1320, sadasds.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15340156 These colors are bothering me, avoid using pure white and black as part of your shading palette. Did some crap with PS, but it doesn't solve everything.

Anonymous Sun Jun 5 11:43:13 2016 No.15348434

>>15336992
I want to lick those glasses, they look very... smooth.

>>15340094
Baseball-chan's thighs seem a bit too long for me. Not sure, though.

>>15342532
I think you need to exaggerate it a bit more, make the cramps as diagonal lines coming out from the button, like this: o<
This is looking pretty cute, not sure why add the tightness thing that sort of makes it less serious.

>>15343289
Girl 1 is lifting weights with her nose to catch up with >>15340156 !

>>15344728
Too bad it's impossible to obtain software for free, right?
Eye is a bit low/to the front, I think.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 5 11:47:31 2016 No.15348457 File: 54 KB, 645x416, 1420234302244.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15348434 >Girl 1 is lifting weights with her nose to catch up with >>15340156 !

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 5 11:59:54 2016 No.15348544 >>15348434 >I want to lick those glasses, they look very... smooth. Now that you mention it... What a strange urge, i'm getting it too. It's like gelatin.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 5 13:21:19 2016 No.15348915 File: 881 KB, 1200x1600, konata.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Did a something,

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 02:15:59 2016 No.15352675 >>15344728 That looks great! I actually didn't realize that, thanks for pointing it out. I changed the resolution half way through inking but forgot to change my pen size.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 02:37:53 2016 No.15352758 >>15348915 not good enough to praise not bad enough to mock

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 15:06:32 2016 No.15355438 File: 569 KB, 1455x1300, 20160508g.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] hey /jp

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 15:11:27 2016 No.15355462 >>15336992 Blog?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 15:14:26 2016 No.15355483 >>15352758 Thank you! Having the jay not being a meanie is the utmost appraisal.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 15:40:30 2016 No.15355588 >>15355438 Seems lewder than your usual work, but it still just as nice.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 15:46:08 2016 No.15355674 >>15355438 lots of samefaces here.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 17:13:50 2016 No.15356024 >>15355438 me with the alien

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 18:46:48 2016 No.15356433 >>15355438 I don't know if i love ham more for his cuties or because he pops out like that casually and disappears just like that

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 23:32:14 2016 No.15357518 File: 173 KB, 464x900, dont follow ugtan on chitter.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Enjoy my terrible oc donut steel.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 6 23:54:33 2016 No.15357578 >>15355438 I have no idea who that character is, but that alien drawing made my days. Thanks anon.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 03:52:08 2016 No.15358508 File: 162 KB, 1024x711, there was an attempt.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 11:02:34 2016 No.15359940 >>15357518 I'm glad you chose another character to desecrate and kept Pie-chan pure. SXY

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 12:35:50 2016 No.15360312 tfw noone saved your drawings that you posted since the dawn of the oc threasds because they sucked

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 13:37:24 2016 No.15360545 >>15357518 i enjoyed it anon but it makes me sad ;-;

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 13:50:01 2016 No.15360594 I made this song a couple of months ago https://my.mixtape.moe/fckjtn.mp3

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 14:59:37 2016 No.15360922 File: 183 KB, 382x382, 060716 haha.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] https://my.mixtape.moe/bwcgrq.mp3

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 16:57:54 2016 No.15361586 >>15360594 You should get more samples, nice song man. Is there anywhere I can listen to your stuff? >>15360922 I didn't hear any haha.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 19:24:05 2016 No.15362362 If I write something for /jp/, would you guys read it?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 19:28:48 2016 No.15362386 >>15362362 Yes, I won't bully you if it's really bad.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 19:42:09 2016 No.15362443 >>15361586 Thanks man. Yeah, I have a soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dusthillguy

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 19:43:08 2016 No.15362451 >>15362386 Thank you. See you exactly six months months from now.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 19:44:58 2016 No.15362463 >>15362386 Thank you. See you exactly six months from now.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 19:46:13 2016 No.15362469 >>15362463 p.s. please put this into your phone calendars, that way I will feel pressured into not slacking off and will actually write what I promise for /jp/.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 19:51:09 2016 No.15362497 >>15362463 That's a long time!

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 19:57:20 2016 No.15362525 >>15362497 I have a lot of time on my hands!

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 20:23:55 2016 No.15362628 File: 28 KB, 800x480, Screenshot_2016-06-08-00-17-56.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15362525 I hope it'll be a nice read

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 20:24:00 2016 No.15362629 >>15362469 I put a monthly, I'll be expecting it!

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 20:32:07 2016 No.15362660 File: 231 KB, 379x521, anxiety_bkub.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15362628 >>15362629 dear lord, what have I gotten myself into (thanks, bye!)

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 7 22:47:16 2016 No.15363263 File: 1.10 MB, 1483x2355, yokai.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] rumia day!

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 00:57:30 2016 No.15363809 >>15360594 I enjoyed, also it made me laugh. >>15360922 Pretty chill. Sometimes.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 02:49:21 2016 No.15364211 File: 182 KB, 608x982, 20160527f.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15355588 thanks >>15356433 oh, that's just me being totally unable to socialize like a normal person

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 03:17:29 2016 No.15364308 File: 103 KB, 804x796, 060316_Original.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Anonymous Wed Jun 8 04:32:54 2016 No.15364489

I'm sure a lot of you might shit on this, but I'm writing a LN series. It's going to take me some time to properly adapt my thoughts, phrases and sentencing into Japanese (don't plan on doing an English release), but I would be happy to post up some chapters at some point soon to see if anyone enjoys it, and maybe get some feedback?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 04:44:34 2016 No.15364520 >>15364489 Only do things in your native language. Thanks.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 04:50:32 2016 No.15364536 >>15364520 Thanks, but no thanks.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 04:56:40 2016 No.15364548 File: 117 KB, 735x981, 56308240_p0_master1200.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15364308 Ay, hang on, I recognise that style! Your stuff's sick, man!

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 07:14:33 2016 No.15364875 >>15364548 That faggot gets more than enough dicksucking already for his shit

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 07:51:45 2016 No.15365316 >>15364875 Oh, shut up. There's no need to call him a faggot and his work shit just because you're envious

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 11:54:33 2016 No.15366169 File: 502 KB, 1000x1400, maus.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Found a mouse in my kitchen yesterday so I did this. >>15352675 You might also want to turn up the stabiliser a bit.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 12:56:11 2016 No.15366407 >>15364548 >>15364308 source?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 8 16:11:58 2016 No.15367274 >>15366407 Furaffinity

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 00:08:51 2016 No.15369248 File: 158 KB, 800x642, ugtans average friday night out.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 00:12:10 2016 No.15369261
File: 415 KB, 615x822, --murasa-minamitsu-touhou-drawn-by-rhapsode--f1866078854cc275cdb2813972ea7762.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

if a thread wasn't up i was going to make one so i could shill again

https://soundcloud.com/threxx-danne/touhou-12-stage-4-boss

finished another arrange after a bit of a drought recently.

pic's not mine, just using it since i used it on the soundcloud upload as well

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 01:01:25 2016 No.15369450 >>15369261 Huh, neat. I myself would prefer if the high pitched parts had the volume turned down a little so I could listen to every instrument better.

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 08:00:50 2016 No.15370266
File: 1.66 MB, 2592x1936, img_1347.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Hi /jp/.
About a year ago around this time I started working on a novel. Back then I posted the initial chapters here and they were pretty rough.

It's about a man who finds a rabbit dying in a parking lot, and nurses it back to health. He soon finds the rabbit is much more than it appears, however. Meanwhile, a strange new drug has become popular in his tiny podunk town.

http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/144848742959/moondust-prologue
Here's a link to the prologue. I'm not sure how else to post it.

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 09:23:55 2016 No.15370549

>>15369450
i generally try matching ZUN's mixing... which isn't generally the best for hearing everything well but it's closer to the original song

if anything you can download the module and open it in 0CC-famitracker and listen to each channel individually

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 09:25:46 2016 No.15370560 >>15369248 What does ug stand for?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 11:23:28 2016 No.15370965 File: 852 KB, 667x907, crystalcrown014b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I thought I would not post more oc because my comics arent otakuey enough but I'm drunk so I don't care

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 11:24:45 2016 No.15370969 File: 850 KB, 667x907, crystalcrown015b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15370965

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 11:29:05 2016 No.15370977 >>15370560 its ug tan you baka

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 11:32:38 2016 No.15370987 File: 101 KB, 392x500, 3508439399_fab030ceed.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15370266 courtesy bump

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 11:33:39 2016 No.15370994 File: 125 KB, 308x272, 1465485808248.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15370965 > because my comics arent otakuey enough They're totally fine, just keep posting and ignore the shitposters, I enjoy them.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 11:38:08 2016 No.15371016 >>15370969 Worry not, I am enjoying myself.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 12:22:02 2016 No.15371236 >>15370266 That was a surprise. When you mentioned the splash, I thought >"hol up" But the rabbits were still a surprise. GJ

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 12:27:48 2016 No.15371257 File: 90 KB, 853x721, ss+(2016-06-10+at+12.25.51).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Stage 1 & 2 bosses of best PC-98 game.

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 12:49:35 2016 No.15371367

Friends. Can someone please explain to me the thought process behind this speed drawing?

I have watched it at least 10 times and I cannot imagine what the artist was thinking while drawing. It's like, he draws something right and then erases and changes it for absolutely no reason.

Warning NSFW
http://webm.land/w/7Zgw/

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 13:02:45 2016 No.15371423 >>15371367 Maybe he has ADD and isn't satisfied with any pose? Or just practicing different poses. This guy on the Touhou drawing thread (>>15311978 ) is similar and he says he has ADD

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 13:17:17 2016 No.15371481 File: 9 KB, 511x494, snekp.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15370266 What a powerful SICP.

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 13:39:15 2016 No.15371566

>>15370266
I only read the first page from what you linked and I got bored, probably because I'm dumb and not because your writing is bad.
Also I found some mistakes:
>if the Apollo mission was a failure there would be no time in left in the decade
>“Okay, engine stop. ACA - out of detent.” Alrin immediately responded.
>Armstrong felt the cold sweat run down his back and his blood freeze to ice as he saw the group part

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 13:41:09 2016 No.15371574 >>15371566 Yeah, there's that. I also noticed the author is sometimes a little wordy or repetitive, but I do advise you to read later chapters. He does a very good job at combining reality, touhou, and /jp/ memes.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 13:47:24 2016 No.15371605 >>15371566 I swear to god I've read this part at least 30 times and I hadn't seen these typos. Thank you. Also yes, sometimes my writing gets a little repetitive and I use the same word too often. I apologize for that.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 13:49:50 2016 No.15371621 >>15371481 I haven't seen this in ages. More power to you.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 13:50:30 2016 No.15371626 >>15371605 The chapter I'm at now is The Ripple in the Sky, and I'm enjoying the story so far. Thanks. Reading this is good.

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 14:53:00 2016 No.15371834

>>15371605
What are we supposed to infer about the narrator? How unreliable is he?
Most of the time he seems weak and mediocre, as evidenced by his living conditions, yet he seems to hold up well and be stronger than Lumi.
And my apologies about looking for realism in fiction, but what is his income? Is he a NEET? Where's his family? You mentioned his mother.

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:01:37 2016 No.15371865

>>15371834
These questions do get answered over the course of the story, but I'll go ahead and tell you now.
While he sometimes goes without eating, he is not starving. His physique is fairly average, and he does not work out. So he can punch out one drug addict if pressed to do so, but against a gang of them he's not going to win.

He is a NEET, but that's not to say he doesn't work. His work is simply very unscrupulous - and his pay is the roof over his head.
His family does show up in the story, later, toward the end of the first arc.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:07:17 2016 No.15371880 File: 47 KB, 865x710, muhmuhmarisa.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15333316

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:09:27 2016 No.15371886

>>15371865
I see: thank you for clarifying things. I'm currently in The Peach Fields chapter.
I think I'm getting most references and jokes you make, too, which make me feel pretty warm inside.
However, in the very beginning, when the narrator and Lumi are in the forum-bar, is the board game being played a reference to something?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:11:18 2016 No.15371888 File: 47 KB, 1035x547, alice w tea.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15371880 pc98 girls

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:11:57 2016 No.15371890 >>15371886 >is the board game being played a reference to something? http://store.steampowered.com/app/282800/

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:13:02 2016 No.15371891 File: 45 KB, 911x710, suwakonfrog.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15371888 end of dump

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:13:24 2016 No.15371893

>>15371886
Oh, another thing, and then I'll stop hogging the thread.
What I have up on that tumblr is less than half of the whole text... I'll keep posting a chapter or two of it every day or so until the first arc is over. I'm working on the second, now.

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:14:03 2016 No.15371897

>>15371880
kawaii stars
>>15371890
Thanks!
Also, your story is just generally good. You do a good combination of having rabbits be hidden around, like hidden elves and dwarves and fairy beings in fantasy stories set in the "real world", while also having them be aliens too, the pilots of UFOs.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:16:02 2016 No.15371903 >>15371897 Thank you, it makes me feel very accomplished hearing that someone enjoyed reading it. That is why I wrote it, after all, I wanted to make something entertaining.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 15:57:49 2016 No.15372064 >>15371903 I'm incredibly hyped. The bathing reminds me of the ordeal characters had to go through in Crichton's The Andromeda Strain. Disintegration sounds pretty scary though. Looking forwards to future posts.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 16:00:37 2016 No.15372073 >>15372064 I made Lumi space out "disinteragation" on purpose to make the pun more obvious. It's Disin-Tera-Gation. Get it? Thank you for your many kind words. I'll post another part tomorrow.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 16:19:41 2016 No.15372162 >>15372073 I was about to make a post about how I still didn't get it, but then I got it. May I suggest spelling Terra with two R's? Of course, it's your choice. And thank you for choosing to explain things.

Anonymous Thu Jun 9 16:23:52 2016 No.15372176
File: 505 KB, 1530x1800, BAD+SIDE+OF+THE+MOON+&+TALKIN+SOFTBALL.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15372162
Oh okay, that might make it more obvious. Thanks for the suggestion.

I also want to learn to draw so I can make illustrations for the story, I'll be learning to do that this summer. For now here's a fanart a friend of mine did of the two characters.

He chose to do it in a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure style because we're both fans.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 16:30:43 2016 No.15372202 >>15370965 I like your comics a lot, please keep posting them

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 16:34:11 2016 No.15372209 >>15372176 She is the one! Sailor Moon!

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 17:56:18 2016 No.15372627 File: 402 KB, 835x675, ghhjk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15369248 oh no!

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 19:03:18 2016 No.15372959 >>15372627 what have you done anon

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 19:30:10 2016 No.15373080 >>15372627 ug-tan........................

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 19:33:13 2016 No.15373096 >>15348915 I personally think this looks pretty good.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 21:27:46 2016 No.15373778 File: 90 KB, 467x446, ugtan likes attention.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15372627

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 21:30:22 2016 No.15373789 >>15373778 does ugtan prefer double penetration or double insertion

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 21:31:12 2016 No.15373795 File: 16 KB, 392x456, temp 10.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15371880 >>15371888 >>15371891 hella cute dude >>15366169 that's one tall mouse!

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 9 21:37:04 2016 No.15373823 >>15373789 Probably double penetration as you get more bang for your buck. >>15373795 cute black cat of ill omen

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 01:39:45 2016 No.15374724 >>15373795 This looks really nice. Do you have a blog or something?

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 02:22:13 2016 No.15374897 File: 247 KB, 868x1600, 36263.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] No time to draw anymore, but this was 2014.

Anonymous Fri Jun 10 08:24:28 2016 No.15376209

>>15370266
Hmm, one of the things that is repetitive is mentioning her poor pronunciation/English all the time.
The written stuttering can be toned down and only used for more advanced or longer words, after it's first mentioned or noticed.
Would make it easier to read, too. There has to be a good balance, for readability.

Anonymous Fri Jun 10 08:42:15 2016 No.15376309

>>15376209
I could do another pass of toning it down. In the initial draft it was even worse.
I also tried to do a thing where she progressively gets better at speaking it as the chapters go on. Near the end of the first arc she mostly only stumbles on words she's unfamiliar with.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 08:45:07 2016 No.15376325 >>15374897 Think about picking up drawing again, I like the art.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 08:45:50 2016 No.15376331 >>15374897 You remind me of a trap artist I used to see on Sadpanda. I legitimately thought you were them at first.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 09:48:18 2016 No.15376636 >>15374897 Isn't that this guy's character? http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35064906

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 10:52:28 2016 No.15376927 >>15376636 He's the one who inspired me to start drawing.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 12:39:50 2016 No.15377394 File: 2.61 MB, 2503x3035, mechamusukoremake.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Hello, /jp/..... I think I going back to drawing... It feels awesome.... Any constructive feedback, please?

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 12:42:09 2016 No.15377405 >>15377394 Is that you, Mugen?

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 10 12:57:02 2016 No.15377465 >>15377405 Mugen? This is Dango.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 01:36:12 2016 No.15380380

>>15371605
Okay I read it all, I don't regret it and I think it was pretty fun to read but the prologue is a lot more boring than the rest of it, I can't say why but maybe it has to do with the lack of cute rabbit-girls doing cute stuff, but I don't really know.
I think I found a few more mistakes;
From The White Rabbit:
>Stepping inside my door I took a paranoid moment to look back upon my entry path, checking the dark corners for any glowing ominous eyes. I a peculiar feeling like I was holding something valuable and may have been followed
From The Ripple in the Sky:
The name of the image and "by Daz something" are separated.
From The Wolf of the Wastes:
>Bribing children is sound in the eyes of the lord, or so he could tell me.
I think here it's" would" but you have a weird way to write so maybe it was intentional, also english isn't my first language so I could be all kinds of wrong, you made me search for phrases and words I hadn't heard before!
From The Burnt Coffeebeans:
>Lumi seemed hesitant to let go of me and set her feet back down on the sidewalk, but does when she notices a homely woman who was clearly a volunteer approach us.
Kinda the same as with the last one, shouldn't it be "but does so/it"?

You said that you are going to keep posting more of it, did you mean on your tumblr or here too? It would be nice if you posted the link whenever you update your tumblr, I really don't want to make an account just to read your updates.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 02:11:00 2016 No.15380501 >>15380380 Alright, I'll make a post with the link whenever I post a part. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. I'll take a closer look at those errors.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 04:56:12 2016 No.15381083
File: 52 KB, 323x614, lumi playboy bunny.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15380380
>the prologue is a lot more boring than the rest of it, I can't say why
I can probably tell you why. Most of the story is a mixture of science fiction and urban legend-style fantasy, but the majority of the prologue is simply a retelling of a real life event, based on what the astronauts actually said and did. It exists as a sort of preview into the themes the story deals with and the challenges the characters will face.
People have told me the jump to the first chapter is jarring and I realize that, but I haven't come up with a good way to fix that.

I've read the story over many times and have missed a lot of these typos and errors, so thanks for pointing them out. It is in fact supposed to be "would," not could.

And here,
>shouldn't it be "but does so/it"?
I thought it was a little wordy and unnatural sounding with "does so" but that might make it easier to read, I'm not sure.

Anyhow, here's the next part, in which the narrator and Lumi go to the grocery store and chase a babbling homeless man.
http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/145747544334/moondust-the-constituency

The picture here is one done by another good friend of mine, it's Lumi in a playboy bunny outfit.
Her butt isn't actually that big.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 06:43:31 2016 No.15381439 File: 664 KB, 891x589, satori bj wip.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Do you prefer faceless men to be fat or muscular?

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 06:48:31 2016 No.15381449 >>15381439 just fair, typical anime protagonist-esque body, if not muscular

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 07:08:26 2016 No.15381508 File: 24 KB, 187x364, 1459721501832.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15381083 > Her butt isn't actually that big.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 07:36:44 2016 No.15381610 >>15381508 back when he drew it for me, I told him the character is somewhat petite and bordering on malnourished, but he wanted to give her a big ol juicy butt and so he did

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 08:00:55 2016 No.15381676 File: 170 KB, 528x1400, 9b0703c465314820b371c0a68ceae912.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15381083 >>15381610

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 08:01:32 2016 No.15381682 >>15381610 A lot of ecchi/porn artists have that bad habit. It can't be helped.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 08:04:57 2016 No.15381692 >>15381676 Cute!

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 08:48:08 2016 No.15381880 File: 128 KB, 432x648, GIANT BOOTY.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15381610 Reading this, I got the urge to draw someone super malnourished.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 08:51:47 2016 No.15381893 File: 92 KB, 514x708, lumi thick.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15381880 Give that poor girl a carrot. With respect to my friend, this was his response to me telling him that he drew her butt too big.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 09:23:16 2016 No.15382022 >>15381083 >Her butt isn't actually that big. Oh, I thought the image didn't make much sense, I imagined her really slim.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 10:27:09 2016 No.15382252
File: 38 KB, 92x99, Untitled-1sin fondo.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15381083
I like it, please don't stop writing!
The jesus saves is offcentered, maybe if you put in an image like this it'll be easier to format.
>Some form of clarity struck the clouded minds of the other slack creatures as they saw those in front of me fall impassively to the ground. Their pace quickens and their slack movements become more precise, gunning for me in a frenzy I did not expect. As one of them rushes me, I club him over the head, and he recoiled a step from the blow - but he spins and a sloppy, loose fist bashes the side of my head. I stumble, dizzy.
The verbe tense confuses me a bit here, specially in the last part with club and recoil.

And here is an example of the things I've had to google
>A slovenly hand slams into my nose and I fall backward in daze, blood dripping from my nostrils.
I thought it's "backwards" so I google the word and find that they are the same word that means the same thing but americans use one and the british use the other.
I haven't had to google and read this much about english words or grammar in a long time, I thjink this makes the whole thing just a bit more fun.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 10:53:23 2016 No.15382342

>>15381083
Different poster here: the guy who keeps sending you chat messages on tumblr.
The prologue was solely boring because I already knew the quotes, but: the prologue almost certainly makes your story much more accessible to people who don't know about the concept of moon rabbits.
Of course, I know about moon rabbits, but your prologue gives good background information for people who don't.

I still think the mentioning of a splash is where my interest really piqued and I thought "aha, this is different from real history!"

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 11:58:45 2016 No.15382636 I say this with non-offensive intentions, but I think the story may warrant it own thread if it's this popular.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 12:12:06 2016 No.15382717

>>15382636
A story is a big thing: I think it's getting around the same amount of attention a long comic would get.
As long as it isn't scaring away other artists and creative people, which I don't think it is, it's probably good to keep it in this thread.

Also, to the author: has the narrator's name been revealed?
If so, I'm bad with names and I forgot.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 12:59:31 2016 No.15382994

>>15382717
>As long as it isn't scaring away other artists and creative people
It encourages me seeing other's stories being supported. Requiring their own thread is even better. The worst it does is divert attention or will derail the thread when someone popular appears.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 15:01:08 2016 No.15383487

>>15382252
Usually when use a verb, I tend to switch the tense to "present" in the moment the verb is used, though my tense is typically in "past." It's a bad habit. It kind of clashes in this moment because it's an action scene - I'll see if I can clean up this passage.

>>15382717
When the pastor calls him "Little Drummer Boy," that is me as the author hinting at what his name is.
Otherwise, the narrator's name is never mentioned, and this is done purposefully.

>>15382636
I was afraid of this.
I apologize, if my writing is derailing the thread I will stop posting about it here. The last thing I want is to attentionwhore.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 15:08:04 2016 No.15383517 i want more crystal crown now

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 15:09:43 2016 No.15383519

>>15383487
>I apologize, if my writing is derailing the thread I will stop posting about it here. The last thing I want is to attentionwhore
I said I didn't mean it offensively. I just feel if you're going to make it into a thing and it gains a following, why not make a thread whenever you have a significant update? This one thread doesn't have to contain everything /jp/ creates ever. If you can put interesting art as the OPs, you might even gain more people's interest.

It's not especially disruptive right now, as no one's doing anything and no one is having 100 posts of arguments like normal.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 15:19:03 2016 No.15383550

>>15383519
Well, I feel like that sort of thing would make more sense on /lit/, wouldn't it? The story, while it has a lot of /jp/ injokes and stuff, is hardly /jp/ material otherwise.

>no one is having 100 posts of arguments like normal.
That surprises me. The last time I came to one of these was nearly a year ago, so I had no idea people argued here.

Anonymous Sat Jun 11 15:48:49 2016 No.15383647
File: 428 KB, 851x1300, heso.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15383550
Well, if you're posting here, you must be from around these parts, yeah? And the thread's called "/jp/'s original content".
The music guys could be posting on /mu/ but they're here

>>15377394
Looks pretty good, maybe work on being more confident with your lines. They look broken in some areas to me.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 19:05:33 2016 No.15384241 >>15383487 >done purposefully Thought that. Thanks for not spoiling your own story! (that's important)

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 19:39:22 2016 No.15384346 >>15383647 Thanks for the feedback! I do make my draft quite rough over for some reason. I must be light handed artist. Is that a sketch you did or is more coming to it?

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 21:46:27 2016 No.15384882 >>15364489 Yes and I'm writing a manga, I'm just not sure what I want it to be about yet.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 11 23:15:56 2016 No.15385279 File: 283 KB, 881x735, better late than never.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15384346 Nah, I'm done with it. I tried to "ink" it but that didn't work out so I gave up.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 04:06:23 2016 No.15386176 >>15377465 I miss him.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 04:28:12 2016 No.15386233 >>15385279 I don't understand this おっぱい揉む meme.

Anonymous Sun Jun 12 07:20:30 2016 No.15386673
File: 124 KB, 600x505, New canvas.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

hey /jp/ how does a quiz game where you rape/have lovey-dovey sex with a girl sound to you?

depending on how well you answer her questions you'll be given a choice

if you answer most of her questions right then you'll be given the option to have consensual sex with her (though you can still rape her if you want) and also afterwards be given a choice on which girl you want to have sex with next

but if you can't answer her questions well enough then you'll be forced to rape her and go down a fixed path. The ending will depend on how well you answered all of the girls' questions and how many times you raped/not-raped the girls

would you be interested in playing this game?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 07:35:08 2016 No.15386691 >>15386673 a VN where a man discovers that if he is too stupid to woo a girl, the only other option is rape sounds like an amazing concept

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 12:59:02 2016 No.15387802 >>15386673 Sounds like those cruddy ero games posted on /f/ where you get three choices for each scene and one answer is right while the other two are really stupid.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 14:23:03 2016 No.15388110 File: 405 KB, 1280x1707, 1465755783018.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15381083 Is this the size of her butt?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 19:39:51 2016 No.15389414 >>15386673 Please stop with the rape

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 19:45:58 2016 No.15389420 >>15389414 What if the girls are elves?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:02:46 2016 No.15389487 >>15389420 At least make it Rance-style "rape" where the girls are saying no but their eyes are saying yes, and they drop all pretense of not liking it soon after.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:10:15 2016 No.15389512 >>15389487 How lame.

Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:14:47 2016 No.15389524

>>15389512
Well, what type of story are you going for, here?
So if you fail the minigames, you fail to continue along the relationship arc and you fail, right? And so your character rapes her instead?

What's the narrative, here? What's going through your character's head?
>Tch, damn bitch, giving me that quiz! She was just trying to make me look stupid, those questions were impossible. I'll show that bitch what happens when you make fun of me!

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:22:59 2016 No.15389549 >>15389524 >What's going through your character's head? Sex with elves of course.

Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:23:07 2016 No.15389551

>>15389487
that wasn't me you were responding too but I really like branching paths in arcade games and find that it adds a lot of replayability. Coming back to rape or make love to her the second time around sounds like a really novel concept! It might be the first rape-quiz-game ever to my knowledge.

>>15389524
You have to plant your seed inside of three different girls for your inanimate doll waifu you've fallen in love with recently. Doing so will give her the ability to move and make passionate cloth-y love with you. On your way to do so a shady hooded figure gives you a spray that will make a woman more honest with her feelings. This will allow for you to have consensual sex but only if you're able to pass the clear-quota for a girls' quiz without failing to answer too many of her questions.

Depending on how many girls you rape/use the spray on and your win-to-lose ratio you'll unlock a different ending.

Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:27:32 2016 No.15389572
File: 52 KB, 180x240, explain further.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15389551
>You have to plant your seed inside of three different girls for your inanimate doll waifu you've fallen in love with recently. Doing so will give her the ability to move and make passionate cloth-y love with you.
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to elaborate.

Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:37:50 2016 No.15389611

>>15389572
You've arrived to a new town to escape an incestual relationship with your sister because you find it wrong. upon arriving you start hearing voices in your head telling you where to go. After some walking you find yourself in an old dustry apartment with nothing in it but a chair and a giant stuffed doll wearing a dress. She begins talking to you and you to her. You quickly fall in love and express how you wish to marry her! But sadly she is just a doll, she cannot move... However, she knows of a way to make the impossible possible. Using some black magic and planting your seed within three girls you've not spent two days with (ie complete strangers) you'll be able to grant her will to move a reality.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:41:31 2016 No.15389627 >>15389611 I'll reserve judgement until I actually see the writing in action, but it's a... interesting premise, to say the least.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:42:10 2016 No.15389631 File: 37 KB, 419x424, 50146348_p0.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15389611 I want it and I want it now!

Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:49:45 2016 No.15389664

>>15389627
>>15389631
Thank you. I'll finish up this commission and then get back to work on game. I've made some progress and the coding is done for the most part but I still have to draw for it. Knowing it isn't a completely crap idea gives me will to finish it, thank you.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:53:32 2016 No.15389676 >>15389611 >a giant stuffed doll wearing a dress A fumo?

Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:53:32 2016 No.15389677

>>15389664
Well, for one thing, I'd suggest keeping the fact that he came to his new town to escape an incestuous relationship on the down low. Like, have that something that you discover later in the story and is only sort of insinuated on... not outright stated. You probably don't want your game to start with, "I couldn't keep fucking my sister, so I moved to this town. Now I'm hearing voices because not fucking my sister for a week has driven me insane."

Also the black magic thing to bring the doll to life sounds straight up silly the way you described it. There better be a very good reason why you need to fuck total strangers to make it work.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:55:16 2016 No.15389682 >>15389677 >"I couldn't keep fucking my sister, so I moved to this town. Now I'm hearing voices because not fucking my sister for a week has driven me insane." That sounds like something that would be a sub plot of a VN.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 20:57:05 2016 No.15389686 >>15389664 Oh I thought it was just an idea, you are going to draw, code and write the story?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 21:06:10 2016 No.15389712 >>15381083 Artist friend reporting in, that sketch was a study of Synedoche's methods of drawing phat asses. I merely slapped Lumi's face on top of it. I'd prefer if you didn't post it though because it's not original at all.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 21:06:33 2016 No.15389713 >>15389676 not as cute. >>15389677 to not reveal it now would make it seem like an ass-pull later on though (because it will be relevant) >>15389686 of course!

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 21:51:17 2016 No.15389844 >>15381083 >this should be a study What the fuck come on

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 12 21:55:14 2016 No.15389859 >>15389844 What?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 06:31:54 2016 No.15391273 >>15389859 I think he's implying the quality is high, higher than he'd expect for what he expects a study to be.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 06:35:37 2016 No.15391279 >>15391273 > high quality it's litterally just a copy of >>15381676

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 06:46:06 2016 No.15391298 >>15391279 Which he admitted to. There was a misunderstanding between the writer and artist. Please let it go.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 06:58:58 2016 No.15391322 Interesting new Moondust post, learning about his life. I wonder how he escaped the same fate his parents and neighbors had.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 07:01:41 2016 No.15391326 File: 156 KB, 1280x720, 1465815701107.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15388110 That's a comfy bun. Here's mine.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 07:03:31 2016 No.15391331 >>15391326 that's a dog

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 07:05:26 2016 No.15391337 >>15391326 The white rabbit I posted isn't mine. I had a black netherland dwarf, but I only have film photographs of him, no digital photographs. Handsome rabbit you have! What's his personality like?

Anonymous Mon Jun 13 07:15:55 2016 No.15391354 [DELETED]

>>15391326
My neighbors have a rabbit. It occasionally sneaks into my back yard to eat my clovers. It's grey and doesn't like having its ears touched.

>>15391322
Escaping from drug culture is not so easy a thing. Yes, the narrator abstains out of a combination of disgust and fear, but he can't get away from the people around him who do it.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 07:28:37 2016 No.15391393 >>15391354 Yeah, I was wondering how he was able to develop disgust and fear before becoming completely addicted to something. But don't answer that.

Anonymous Mon Jun 13 07:40:56 2016 No.15391422 [DELETED]

>>15391393
From the previous chapter:
>I had been there before. I did not ever want to go there again.

It's a theme I mostly imply and don't preach about too much. Rest assured, he has seen and felt the firsthand effects of these things. He is not just a straight edgelord.

Anonymous Mon Jun 13 07:57:51 2016 No.15391466 [DELETED]

>>15391422
Oh yeah, oops!
And n'aww, I don't think he's an edgelord, just incredibly disappointed with his surroundings and cynical about it, and in my opinion, rightfully so.
The only thing that makes me curious is how he never ended up like his peers. Guess some things are innate.

Anonymous Mon Jun 13 08:10:47 2016 No.15391505 [SPOILER]

File: 486 KB, 1280x960, 1465819847738.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15391337
Netherland dwarves are so cute! What was he like? And thank you! He's overly cautious about new things, but he loves to be active and likes to squeeze himself into small spaces. He also enjoys being followed around. His brother is more lazy and cuddly, but he can be bossy.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 08:11:56 2016 No.15391513 >>15391354 How adorable! I wonder if clovers make a good treat for rabbits. Does it dig under a fence to get to your yard?

Anonymous Mon Jun 13 08:16:15 2016 No.15391533 [DELETED]

>>15391505
He was usually sorta shy, but he still liked attention and would sometimes come to you. But he'd never really let you come to him. And despite being shy, he enjoyed sitting in people's laps.
We think him being shy may have been due to not being socialised when he was young: we found him on the side of a road in the grass. A left-behind easter bunny.
I think all rabbits can do this, but he wasn't dumb, we were able to train him to use a litter box, which was convenient. Also, for such a long time, he never bit cables, so we were able to let him stay out of his cage most of the time. But he eventually did start chewing.
Cute orange rabbit, too. I've seen this image before: what exactly is going on with your cat? Just curious.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 13:28:38 2016 No.15392354 File: 320 KB, 800x1145, rabbit.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15391326 i tried today j p i'm sorry ;_;

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 14:07:06 2016 No.15392409 >>15392354 I like it a lot! Though I myself would rather bite the rabbit somewhere around his meaty parts.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 14:44:37 2016 No.15392496 >>15392354 Cute!

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 15:59:34 2016 No.15392697 >>15392354 Rabbit is very frighten. Such scare. Neat drawing.

Anonymous Mon Jun 13 16:09:08 2016 No.15392726

>>15391322
http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/145872160104/moondust-the-church-mouse-fellowship
Here is the next part, in which the narrator and rabbit girl receive a strange letter. Some of my favorite scenes are in this chapter.

>>15392354
Cute rabbit. I hope I'm able to draw on your level someday, it's quite nice.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 16:20:25 2016 No.15392770 >>15392726 Along with flanfly, your daily update is among my favourite times of day now.

Anonymous Mon Jun 13 17:18:13 2016 No.15393012

>>15392726
11st instead of 11th?
Church mice remind me of a series that was good to read as a child: Redwall.
>long socks to me were kneesocks to her
This is just style, but I think using for instead of to would be more readable.
>run down apartments
run-down could increase readability.
>chain link fence
chain-link too could increase readability, and when googling "chain link fence" I find many results also use a dash, so there is precedent for it.
>chipped away sidewalk
Yeah, in general, if two words actually are a single adjective modifying a noun, they benefit from having a dash in between them. I'm not sure if mentioning these is annoying or helpful or not, though, so I won't put the rest in this post.
>Beatrix Potter
Phenomenal choice!

That was fun, learning about things. Beatrix is an irritating lady for sure, though.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 17:21:09 2016 No.15393022 >>15393012 Alright, perhaps I'll go over the story again and use dashes for compound word adjectives. I suppose I wasn't sure what was correct. Thanks for reading it.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 18:13:58 2016 No.15393342 >>15392354 i'll never forgive you if you harm a rabbit

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 18:43:03 2016 No.15393481 >>15392354 Ah, i used to do this with the cat

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 19:24:07 2016 No.15393637 >>15393481 How many eyes did you lose?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 23:05:28 2016 No.15394306 File: 116 KB, 621x692, 061316 nitoshiri.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 23:16:35 2016 No.15394330 >>15394306 What emotion is this face trying to convey?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 23:21:07 2016 No.15394347 >>15394330 It looks like somewhere between "you don't think you could possibly satisfy me with that tiny thing, do you" and "please don't rape me, mister."

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 13 23:24:40 2016 No.15394360 >>15394347 I think she looks embarrassed, but the hat makes it very misleading.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 00:59:58 2016 No.15394657 >>15394360 Why the hat?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 08:30:11 2016 No.15395779 >>15394657 Hats are a universal symbol of consent

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 09:11:56 2016 No.15395913 >>15394360 Weird, I think she looks anticipatory.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 09:36:22 2016 No.15395975 >>15394306 She looks like she was about to fuck, but the viewer just pulled out a gun and she's frozen terrified. I like it

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 09:56:48 2016 No.15396033 File: 103 KB, 227x230, Typical LN title.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15394306 >>15394330 I get the impression of something like this.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 10:14:59 2016 No.15396093 >>15394657 Because it has a sperm drawn on it, how can someone be embarrassed when they are wearing a hat like that?

Anonymous Tue Jun 14 16:52:43 2016 No.15397400

>>15392726
Oh I seemed to have missed the previous update.
From The Soggy Hares.
>Even the most devout of men will succumb to his devil’s wiles once in a blue moon.
Is "his" a mistake or did you mean to say his as in whatever devil his religion/church has?
From The Church Mouse Fellowship:
>on this the 11st of October.
I'm fairly sure it's 11th, I remember this one was the only exception in cardinals as it's 21st, 31st, 41st...
>The hall ultimately lead to a larger room I assume once housed pews and a podium from which a pastor gave sermons
I think it should either be led or leads.
>“Oh, yes. That old phrase.” Beatrix’s spritely voice suddenly became quite old and tired. “For the earth be’est a pig sty all the little people are corralled within, as the heavens see it.
You forgot the closing "
Also I think pigsty is one whole word.
>“For the how of it, I think, you needs speak to its creator. I am unfamiliar with the grisly process myself.”
Though this may be an old english way to say it or something like that.

I'm enjoying the story quite a lot, I hope I'm not being a bother by pointing out the mistakes.

Anonymous Tue Jun 14 18:03:20 2016 No.15397766

>>15397400
>I'm fairly sure it's 11th,
I know... I did 11st on purpose to make it sound more formal and old english-y. If that's just plain not correct I can change it, I suppose.
>did you mean to say his as in whatever devil his religion/church has?
Yes, precisely. The Pastor is a devoutly Christian man, and 'his devil' would be Satan.
>You forgot the closing "
I didn't forget. I left it open so I could have her continue to speak in the next paragraph. It might have been unnecessary in this case, but that's why I did it.

>I hope I'm not being a bother by pointing out the mistakes.
No, it's honestly very helpful, you're pointing out things I may not have seen or realized myself. I wouldn't want to send this off to a publisher with spelling or punctuation errors, after all.

http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/145929058829/moondust-the-blighted-prescription
Here's today's post, in which Lumi and the narrator go looking for a missing person.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 18:31:32 2016 No.15397925 >>15397766 Not him, but I get no results for "elevenst" when looking online. There seems to be no precedent for it, neither formal nor informal. Hyped to read this post now.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 18:40:55 2016 No.15397964 File: 116 KB, 465x1145, Doodles ssv5 .png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 18:44:02 2016 No.15397979 >>15397964 It's really cute but why is the background yellow?

Anonymous Tue Jun 14 19:05:59 2016 No.15398090
File: 107 KB, 384x574, Doodles v5 www .png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15397979
Because I suck choosing colors and I kinda like that cream-yellow something. It's pleasant to rest the sight a couple of hours looking at it while I draw her. Then I just don't change it when I finish

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 19:14:43 2016 No.15398119 File: 113 KB, 465x1145, 1465944055300b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15398090 This is the last time you are this lazy!

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 19:15:44 2016 No.15398127 File: 90 KB, 384x574, 1465945559523b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 19:21:34 2016 No.15398148 >>15398119 >>15398127 Sweet anon thanks and almost without loosing quality I will delete the images now if I still can

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 14 22:08:02 2016 No.15398861 File: 1.64 MB, 1920x2560, IMG_20160615_040629.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] wip sorry for the shitty photo

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 00:02:40 2016 No.15399218 >>15398861 Those are some very nice looking fingers and nails.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 00:12:53 2016 No.15399240 >>15398861 dem sharkteeth

Anonymous Wed Jun 15 03:08:36 2016 No.15399797

>>15397766
>I had to find Homer and question him - my only other course of action was to sit around in the complex and revel in my impotency, which I wouldn’t mind doing if I was on my own, but was loathe to do while she could see me doing it.
I think the "was" should be an "would".
>The building lie on the edge of suburbia, in the center of a neglected and aging road whose cracked pavement and broken sidewalk were akin to elderly wrinkles and sunspots.
I think it's "lies".

Anonymous Wed Jun 15 11:35:51 2016 No.15400933

>>15397766
>rabbit girl bad begun
Not a biggie: bad --> had
I see you say red-violet a lot, if you do want to be less repetitive about it (only if you want to, it's fine to drill in the fact that her eyes are exactly that mix of colors), the colors between red and violet are often called purple.
As the other anon said about the building not "lie"ing there, "lies" would put it in present tense, so "lay" might be better, to keep things in past tense.
>Levono
Ahh, some people have good choice in ThankPads.
>What can I do you for?
This sentence sounds really bad! Is she supposed to be this way, out of focusing on the computer more than the protagonists? s/you for/for you/

Really sweet chapter.
You did a good job at making me, the reader, believe that Markus is Galahad. And if he isn't, I'll truly have been rused. Good job~

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 14:15:54 2016 No.15401445 File: 1.36 MB, 1920x2560, IMG_20160615_201302.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Well i guess its finished. hopefully one day i'll learn how to resize pictures on the phone

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 14:41:23 2016 No.15401540 >>15401445 Nice.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 17:39:33 2016 No.15402334 >>15401445 Is Remilia the kind of girl that likes to wear odd socks and shoes?

Anonymous Wed Jun 15 17:39:38 2016 No.15402336

>>15400933
The thing is red-violet is a real color.
I also do not want to give her the same eye color as a certain Disney bunny character that everyone now recognizes. It is bad enough that fan artists depict her humanized with silver twintails.

>What can I do you for?
Maybe this is just a local colloquialism, but I had the receptionist say this because it sounds like something a bumpkin would say. I've heard it used in media often by someone with a southern drawl accent, and I've heard some people in my real life use it too (who were in fact bumpkins).

I am glad you were able to pick that up. I worried I was being too subtle about it - in the first draft of the book, people told me 'Galahad' seemed to pop up out of nowhere.
http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/145978889994/moondust-the-princess-and-the-elixir
Here's the next part, in which an old lady is awoken from her nap.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 17:41:46 2016 No.15402350 >>15401445 The small details on this are very nice, like the detailed knuckles and bones in the hand, and the frills on her socks. Good job, that's a scary Remi.

Anonymous Wed Jun 15 18:49:16 2016 No.15402639

>>15402336
Ah, I see.
I don't live in the south, so I didn't know that sort of phrasing could really exist.

The royal family was rabbit instead of lunarian? Holy shit! Didn't expect that at all, with the present situation being of lunarians controlling the rabbits.

Naice, naice. I am excited to read more of this story and learn new things about this universe. I didn't find any errors in this post! Neat~

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 20:03:48 2016 No.15402891 File: 128 KB, 800x700, slippin.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I think I'm close to finding my groove

Anonymous Wed Jun 15 20:57:55 2016 No.15403082
File: 336 KB, 800x640, 77.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I am having difficulty thinking of what to add to my game. I think there will be bosses but they are difficult and require their own code. I was thinking of maybe some more enemies and concepts like bonus things (like how the donkey kong games did it) but I am not sure.

If you have any suggestions I would like to hear them.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 21:02:36 2016 No.15403101 >>15403082 You play as a little squid in the sea, right? Have you ever played Ecco the Dolphin? You might consider looking to those games for level design ideas.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 21:05:59 2016 No.15403110 >>15403101 I have but ecco's level design isn't actually the best. I've been looking more towards the water levels of the newer rayman games like rayman origins and legends which are really nice. Level design has been a very arduous process.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 21:37:19 2016 No.15403227 >>15403110 >but ecco's level design isn't actually the best. But man, tubes. SKY tubes!

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 22:04:24 2016 No.15403319 >>15401540 >>15402350 Thanks >>15402334 Guess i did one shoe too dark.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 22:54:29 2016 No.15403506 >>15403082 Is there a story to this game? If not, some cute things to do with a qt squidtopus would be nice. Like... maybe rescuing a school of fish from being eaten by a shark, or from a fishing net.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 15 23:11:46 2016 No.15403559 >>15402891 Cute eye colour.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 00:18:25 2016 No.15403727 >>15403082 A power up where you get huge

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 00:43:24 2016 No.15403810 File: 427 KB, 1252x648, satori bj wip2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Does anyone else struggle with going really slowly and running out of steam when drawing?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 08:14:38 2016 No.15404922 >>15403810 I gave up drawing porn because i get tired before finishing it

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 11:32:23 2016 No.15405551 >>15404922 Which hand gets tired first?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 13:20:02 2016 No.15405847 >>15405551 My hands and dick never get tired. its drawing porn that is boring

Anonymous Thu Jun 16 18:32:42 2016 No.15407090

>>15402639
>>15370266
http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/146031684124/moondust-the-lunar-pilgrimage
The next bit, in which a hermit explains her past.

I've been having some second thoughts about posting the entire work online, though. I will probably have to take it down if I ever want to get published.

Anonymous Thu Jun 16 18:37:36 2016 No.15407116

>>15407090
There have been many books in the world that exist for free online, and also as a physical book.
Please put your story under a good licence (creative commons, GFDL, public domain) that allows people to read it for free.
A story doesn't exist to make money: it exists to be read. If less people read it, what's the point of it existing?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 18:39:04 2016 No.15407121 >>15407116 Yes, I feel the same way. I am happy to simply have people read and enjoy my work. It is just that many publishers reject works that have ever been posted online at all. I guess it doesn't matter if I self-publish.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 18:45:05 2016 No.15407156 >>15407121 You're right, yes: also, it's good you do what you enjoy. I really apologise for expressing my intense fear of capitalism and intellectual property, but I truly do believe IP restrictions aren't good for readers.

Anonymous Thu Jun 16 19:13:59 2016 No.15407248

>>15407090
>The first I’ve heard of humans going to the moon is NASA
I feel as though most people would say Armstrong or Apollo instead of NASA.
"Saw in us the hunger for her serenity and sought our treachery from the very beginning."
Sought is relating to seeking, rather than seeing. This implies he wanted to own the treachery.
I didn't see that coming, Galahad drinking the Remedium. Wow!
>take inventory of your invalid
This sounds more like checking what's in his pockets, than anything else, to me.

What an enlightening and cute post. That amusing dream, too.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 19:35:38 2016 No.15407344 >>15407248 >I didn't see that coming, Galahad drinking the Remedium. Wow! If you think back to what the Separatist in the nursing home said, that's exactly why they want him. He won't die from bloodloss like Lumi would. He is an infinite skoab spigot.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 19:35:38 2016 No.15407345 Stop using spoilers like that. That's the most homosexual thing you could do. Also, you should move your discussion to discord or whatever.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 19:37:43 2016 No.15407360 >>15407345 I apologize... I asked about it once before, and I guess it just seemed okay since the thread was slow. I'll stop and only post if I have something new to post.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 19:41:20 2016 No.15407384 >>15407360 Thank you for understanding.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 19:47:30 2016 No.15407419 >>15407384 What happened here?

Anonymous Thu Jun 16 21:58:47 2016 No.15407970

>>15407419
The author of the story was bullied out of the thread by some loser.
There's no reason not to post in this thread, as when the thread goes off of page 10, a new thread can be made. Useful discussion was occurring that was helping both the author and the readers. It's no different from the art/drawing critiques in this thread.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 16 23:23:50 2016 No.15408341 >>15407970 >as when the thread goes off of page 10, a new thread can be made You can make a new thread right now though, be it about the book or another OC thread. There's no some thread title limit rule.

Anonymous Thu Jun 16 23:32:48 2016 No.15408385

>>15408341
One of the irritating things about 4chan is that if you make a thread for something you created, it's liable to get nuked for "advertising" (see also: the sheer number of people who try to make you watch their YouTube video and get banned.)

I suppose you could try taking your chances if you make it clear that it was drafted here. Or maybe even just make a dedicated OC thread for writing.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 00:45:25 2016 No.15408700 >>15405847 >its drawing porn that is boring Then why do you draw it? If you're not getting paid to do it, find something you actually like.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 08:11:10 2016 No.15409907 >>15408700 In fact I don't. well now that i think about it, probably nobody cares about my stuff for this exact reason...

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 15:21:37 2016 No.15411397 >>15407090 http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/146072717844/moondust-the-celestial-flow The next bit, in which an estranged child goes home.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 16:20:02 2016 No.15411689 >>15411397 Ah, I wondered why they were procrastinating so long on going back to the moon. Now I know. >bunbuntu wwwww That was interesting to read, to learn more about him and his life.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 16:20:49 2016 No.15411694 File: 541 KB, 1920x1628, kancorekongou.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Time to Linework

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 16:30:43 2016 No.15411756 >>15411694 Her outfit looks sharp, as in pointy and spiky.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 16:34:04 2016 No.15411782 fixing, thanks >>15411756

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 18:46:45 2016 No.15412502 File: 747 KB, 2048x1536, DSCN3114.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Seiga and Yoshika

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 18:47:50 2016 No.15412508 File: 779 KB, 2048x1536, DSCN3116.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15412502 Yoshika and Seiga

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 18:48:02 2016 No.15412509 >>15412502 Reminds me of the older anime/manga style that used to exist decades ago.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 18:49:39 2016 No.15412515 File: 44 KB, 400x667, dirtypair.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15412509 I'll take that as a compliment

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 18:49:44 2016 No.15412516 >>15412502 That's a cute Yoshika.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 18:53:28 2016 No.15412538 >>15412515 It is. It's very cute, what you did with highlighters.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 18:57:41 2016 No.15412565 >>15412538 They're actually just Prisma markers. I hope to get copics soon.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 19:17:22 2016 No.15412665 >>15412515 Kei>Yuri

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 19:24:09 2016 No.15412703 >>15412665 I disagree

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 19:42:46 2016 No.15412785 >>15412703 I stand on my point but respect your different opinion.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 19:52:03 2016 No.15412815 File: 12 KB, 476x443, kei.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15412785 I respect yours too.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 20:47:49 2016 No.15413013 >>15412508 Seiga is a hermit of physical hole magic Turanpu-kun is a yokai of economic holes (in his election promises) Sasuga jaypee...

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 20:50:02 2016 No.15413023 File: 184 KB, 537x813, TENSHI.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I've been wanting to draw Tenshi in an Imaishi-like pose. That being said, my laptop has low hertz so it's difficult to tell what looks good.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 17 20:55:14 2016 No.15413046 >>15413023 I like it.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 02:39:22 2016 No.15414839 File: 447 KB, 1000x1000, 20160606f.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] hey /jp

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 02:50:52 2016 No.15414878 >>15414839 Pointy chins. Otherwise cute.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 03:26:07 2016 No.15415003 >>15414839 What's on bottom-center's back?

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 09:37:21 2016 No.15417559 >>15414839 me in the photo

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 12:50:29 2016 No.15418440 File: 328 KB, 700x1127, burg_kosher.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15404922 >draw porn >get called a sellout I kinda know how it feels.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 13:38:17 2016 No.15418607 >>15418440 should've drawn porn from the very beginning

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 14:39:52 2016 No.15418920 >>15414839 what's on the tape?

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 16:54:56 2016 No.15419709 >>15411397 http://insomwrites.tumblr.com/post/146122919674/moondust-the-gospel-according-to-saint-mark The final part, for now, in which the batter hits a home run.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 17:34:08 2016 No.15419881 >>15419709 >in which the batter hits a home run. You saying there's ero in this?

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 17:36:34 2016 No.15419894 >>15419881 Not that kind of home run.

Anonymous Sat Jun 18 18:32:12 2016 No.15420165

>>15419709
Exciting.

“As if to say, ‘we know this is a lie.’”
Since some of the quotes are in italics, and this one isn't, it took me a moment to realise it was coming from the same speaker.
Also, just out of curiosity, since this is always a fun question, what text editor do you use? You use smart quotation marks, but some of the single ones look backwards.
He took slow steps toward as he spoke
I think a word may be missing between toward and as.
As for the story, I do feel sorry for the rabbits and what the Lunarians have done to them. Because of that, if he wasn't so cruel, I don't see Jack as being purely evil.
I think you intend for that though, so this probably isn't a surprise.
slug him with the end of the handle
Wouldn't it be the end of the bat? The handle is what a person holds onto, the bat is what is swung on the other end.
That drug sequence was odd and interesting.
If I never come back, tell my mother I’m sorry.
That line feels out of place, as I don't sense any positive feelings between him and his family.

Also, neat!
wow

Anonymous Sat Jun 18 18:48:42 2016 No.15420242
File: 56 KB, 1000x1000, Aluminium_bat_Short.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15420165
>Since some of the quotes are in italics, and this one isn't,
When a speaker recites scripture in the story, I italicize it. Since this part was just Jack speaking and mocking it, I did not.
>What text editor do you use?
I type out the raw story in Notepad++ and format it in Google docs.
>I think a word may be missing between toward and as.
Oops.
>Wouldn't it be the end of the bat?
A baseball bat has a flat 'circle' at the end of the handle. I am implying the narrator bashed them with that circle.
>That line feels out of place
The implications of this line are twofold.
One, he does not hate his family. They are not good people and he doesn't want to live with them, but he still doesn't like to abandon them without so much as a word. In fact, though he went back home to fetch his old baseball bat, there was an ulterior motive. The visit was also his way of saying goodbye to his family.

It's also a reference to a song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ESZs0L9oiY

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 20:28:14 2016 No.15420781 File: 292 KB, 1920x1628, kancorekongou.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] The linework is almost done.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 21:14:44 2016 No.15421032 I can't visualize and I don't have an active imagination?

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 21:22:26 2016 No.15421079 >>15421032 visualization and imagination is overrated, just copy shit

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 21:41:13 2016 No.15421162 >>15420242 I see, now! I wish some of it was more obvious to me, but your story is good and fun: congrats.

Anonymous Sat Jun 18 21:47:12 2016 No.15421198

>>15421162
Thank you.
If something is a little too obtuse for the average reader then that is probably a mistake on my part.
Orwell said to always make things clear to your reader, as to sort of take pity on the poor bastard who decided to read your book. I used to write completely obtuse bullshit all the time and I've learned that's not the way to go.

So, feedback like "oh, I understand what you were trying to say here" is valuable to me. It means I was able to write something people picked up without having to spell it out.

Anyway, thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 22:05:20 2016 No.15421290 File: 120 KB, 602x852, 20160612.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15414878 you make a point >>15415003 fan/propellers. supposed to be a quad-copter drone but forgot the propellers on the legs >>15417559 dork >>15418920 see next pic

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 22:08:28 2016 No.15421307 File: 114 KB, 1080x810, DSC03136a - Copy.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15418920 I found it in a Friends of the Library store for $1. I no longer have a working VCR...

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 22:28:27 2016 No.15421418 >>15418440 Well if you want to draw it, just do it. but my opinion is that your drawing powers are better suited for cute or bizzarre stuff.

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 22:39:53 2016 No.15421450 >>15421307 Look, its one of those "manga" cartoons

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 03:56:57 2016 No.15422432 File: 406 KB, 1043x997, spr scrt sxy tape.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15421307 Was hoping for something more lewd.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 04:02:54 2016 No.15422450 >>15422432 It is lewd though https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi5GFuvCIp4

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 04:09:51 2016 No.15422475 File: 16 KB, 333x279, 1432847526694.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Why are /jp/ drawthreads so awful?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 04:25:48 2016 No.15422509 >>15422450 Thank God for modern anime style, this 80s shit is killing me. So damn ugly.

Anonymous Sun Jun 19 04:38:40 2016 No.15422548 [DELETED]

>>15422509
Yeah thankfully also annoying people like that Mabuto Corbanyashi that drew those shitty 2D robots is now geriatric and relegated to franchises only century old farts give a fuck about out of senile nostalgia, like the space Titanic or how the fuck that pile of normieism was called. long live the magic of 3D modeling, savior of us truetaku

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 07:00:49 2016 No.15422878 File: 346 KB, 640x480, i don't like this.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15422509 Too bad you're missing out on great shows that built modern anime

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 07:04:33 2016 No.15422887 >>15412815 >>15422878 Well now i know what I'm going to draw next

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 09:57:14 2016 No.15423307 >>15422887 Updated version of Dirty Pair Flash designs? Modern day moe anime style?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 11:16:31 2016 No.15423550 >>15423307 Dirty pair in the only way i can draw

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 11:36:43 2016 No.15423610 >>15418440 >calling an artist a sellout isn't that kind of the point?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 14:03:53 2016 No.15424220 >>15423610 Nah, /ic/ is the place for that

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 18:58:22 2016 No.15425514 >>15422878 OPM and BnHA are better than all your jurassic trash togheter

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 19 21:18:40 2016 No.15426315 File: 771 KB, 2480x2082, tranny.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Straight from Go Nagai's trashcan, a half idol/half assassin created in a government experiment.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 01:33:44 2016 No.15427245 File: 588 KB, 1920x1628, kancorekongou.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 08:22:39 2016 No.15428335 >>15426315 Anatomy is too detailed to be Nagai

Anonymous Mon Jun 20 17:24:49 2016 No.15430374
File: 641 KB, 800x640, clamproblems.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I am having a problem with this clam. when I play the animation in unity's animation timeline it works fine with the back and fort rocking (as seen in the first part of the video) but then when I play the actual game it does not rock back and forth in rotation.

The animator is getting the component in the child but I don't think that would be a problem. maybe I will try again and see if it fixes it.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 18:19:41 2016 No.15430674 Done!

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 18:21:10 2016 No.15430682 File: 759 KB, 1607x1620, Kancorefinalsinfirma233.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15430674 Oh. Done!

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 20:00:40 2016 No.15431158 >>15430682 That's some pretty decent coloring. Nice work.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 21:14:26 2016 No.15431430 Hello, I made an arrange of my favorite touhou song. It is the first more than a few bars long that I've made. https://soundcloud.com/veoid/grave-of-being >>15430682 Nice, but there seem to be quite a few stray uncolored white dots.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 21:37:09 2016 No.15431499 >>15430682 Lazy fill tool usage.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 22:43:27 2016 No.15431681 File: 2.06 MB, 800x640, clammer.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I think perhaps the creatures in future will need more moving parts for tweening. the opening seems okay but the closing looks weird.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 22:44:50 2016 No.15431684 File: 370 KB, 632x1000, 1466428912340.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Requesting Junko edit

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 20 22:55:03 2016 No.15431705 >>15431681 I think it's too slow and that's why it looks strange.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 00:19:15 2016 No.15431913 >>15431681 I like the clam's design. it looks it something from a Rare game. It would definitely look better if the closing animation was a bit faster.

Anonymous Tue Jun 21 01:27:13 2016 No.15432111
File: 1.41 MB, 800x640, seahorse.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15431913

Thanks. I tried a seahorse but I think it needs a bit more work too. Right now I've just been trying to think of types of enemies because I'm kind of reworking them.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 04:48:26 2016 No.15432501 File: 392 KB, 640x495, Cldk4uVVAAAiVJF.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Tegaki are fun.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 06:05:21 2016 No.15432635 File: 157 KB, 900x900, this cant be right.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15431430 >fadeout Pretty nicely done, though

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 06:16:00 2016 No.15432661 File: 385 KB, 640x495, Cld5sGaUoAAb8WT.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15432501 Another one.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 06:36:43 2016 No.15432698 >>15432501 Is that the ISIS hand gesture?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 06:41:03 2016 No.15432712 File: 1009 KB, 500x350, fingerpoke of doom.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15432698

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 11:58:32 2016 No.15433643 File: 1.57 MB, 800x640, group.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] The starfish I made a while back seems to fit with the others well enough.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 12:44:17 2016 No.15433783 >>15433643 Very cute I like how the starfish follows you with its eye

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 17:09:16 2016 No.15434521 File: 204 KB, 500x500, cover.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Hey, jay! Did a gabba track. Any tips? Going silly and not applying music theory is hard stuff. https://soundcloud.com/ibuki-san/grizzly-crunch-gabbabear

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 17:28:09 2016 No.15434572 >>15434521 post the kayak video

Anonymous Tue Jun 21 18:34:44 2016 No.15434789
File: 456 KB, 804x796, mouth.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15434572
Here, anon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU5cMZymSr0

Also, allow me to give some (very late) feedback on y'all.

>>15358508
Well... cute. Keep it up, anon.

>>15360312
At least they haven't saved it BECAUSE it sucks. Ask Hatsune Peanut.

>>15360594
This is like Bomberman 64 meets Animal Crossing. I like it.
But could have used a pumping kick to make it dancing.

>>15360922
Sounds madly off-key, and the melody keeps getting me back to this resolution:
https://youtu.be/oAHRp7jjaOg?t=201

The sounds used are pleasant, though. And I like the voice thing.

>>15363263
No comments? Anatomy is shit, but it's still cute somehow! Easy on the chicken scratch.

>>15364211
Hair seems a bit too "deep" into her skull, I'd liquify it a bit on the upper left part to give some volume there.

>>15364308
Somehow I don't feel comfy enough. Fiddled a lot until I found the problem: mouth is not cute!

>>15366169
I really like this. Work on your silhouettes, you can surely become a cutemaster.

>>15369248
Is she Christian?

>>15369261
I don't like how drowned in white noise (?) this feels, but otherwise it's a great track!

>>15370965
Didn't you stop posting before with the same excuse? Stop doing that. I read your comics, no need for drama.

>>15371257
Work on your cuteness levels. Eyes are too far apart and small, mouth too big and low. Here.

>>15371880
>>15371888
>>15371891
>>15373795
Cute scribbly style, dudes!

>>15372176
These faces are pure nightmare fuel. Everything else is decent enough, though.
You say JoJo style, but I actually think of gothic makeup and ballet when looking at this. Fix ASAP, or make the rest of the drawing as exaggerated as the faces.

>>15372627
Holly moly! Thanks for that.

Cont.

Anonymous Tue Jun 21 18:35:48 2016 No.15434794

>>15374897
I thought you quit because of the melting bully, glad to see life is the culprit!

>>15377394
Face is too long (vertically), other than that pretty cool.

>>15383647
Please don't butcher bellies with abyssal trenches.
I like it otherwise.

>>15392354
Cool! That rabbit's mouth, though...

>>15393481
Shokotan, is that you?

>>15394306
This is unevenly volumized. Torso and head, for instance, are very good, but lower butt and arm are flat. Some overlapping strokes would be key here, I think.

>>15398119
>>15398127
Looks like you tend to simplify shapes until they become rounded squares. Learn to give things pointy and strong edges where needed, silhouettes are important!
Cute, nevertheless. Specially soldier loli.

>>15401445
Holy crap, that is really nice!
I'm afraid the dress blew it, though. Looks rather flat and awkward. Hands and fire look amazing.

>>15402891
I like this lineart style. Try adding some highlights on the hair and you're good to go.

>>15411694
>>15420781
>>15430682
Also recommending you make some overlapping lines to suggest volume in certain parts of the drawing. But I added now a quote for the linearted version and it has greatly improved! Maybe some lineweight can help, too.
And the shaded version seems incomplete on the hair, although it eliminated the need for better linework on the body.

>>15412502
Don't go putting your drawings on the ground, it's dirty!
Watch your wrists.

>>15413023
Lovely! I really like triangular composition, too bad people avoid it for not being "dynamic". The frontmost arm is out of perspective, but other than that it's very pleasant to look at.

>>15421032
Yes.

>>15431430
Oops, almost didn't see this post. Overall, great!
Play a bit more with panning if you can, might give interesting dynamics to it.

>>15433643
Please, please, darken the blue of the clam's mouth, it's blending with the BG and ticking me off!
Also there seems to be some inconsistency on having/not having lines on sprites, why? Jellyfish is practically lineless, so it feels a bit of a strange style mix.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 19:18:10 2016 No.15434942 File: 127 KB, 1280x720, 1464719593268.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15434789 >>15434794 Who are you and what do you do? Please post your work

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 19:33:38 2016 No.15435028 >>15434789 >Sounds madly off-key is it really that bad? i don't know much about music theory honestly.

Anonymous Tue Jun 21 19:43:52 2016 No.15435077

>>15434942
I am Anonymous and I do not forget.

On all seriousness, though, I hope you're not trying to draw the "you can only critique if you're better" card. I'm offering the advice I can and each artist must weigh whether to take it or not. Always take Anonymous with a grain of salt.

Anonymous Tue Jun 21 19:44:54 2016 No.15435088

>>15432635
>>15434794
Thank you, I wanted a proper ending originally but I just wanted it to end. Nice drawing by the way.

>>15434942
He is >>15434521

>>15435028
It sounds fine to me. It's just a bit discordant but that's usually not a bad thing at all, especially if that's what you were going for. You don't need music theory to make good music, it's just a tool.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 21 20:06:06 2016 No.15435187 File: 419 KB, 640x495, Clg3mCfVYAUcT12.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15432661

Anonymous Tue Jun 21 22:53:00 2016 No.15435808
File: 94 KB, 1280x720, 1464719999789.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>15435077
Yeah, yeah, I know all that. But if you're going to be telling people stuff as if you're a master chef in his kitchen, I think it's preferred that you know what you're about, right?

And try not put in too many of your personal opinions and preferences, senpai

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 01:17:08 2016 No.15436407 Can we please stop posting images of shit you haven't made in these threads?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 04:12:14 2016 No.15436968 >>15436407 Who are you even talking about? Images posted that aren't done on this thread are quite obvious enough.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 04:22:36 2016 No.15436989 >>15436968 He's telling the anime poster to stop posting anime.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 04:29:04 2016 No.15437005 >>15434789 >easy on the chicken scratch I'm still trying to work on that. It's also just a doodle rather than a 'real' picture.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 08:18:57 2016 No.15437438 >>15434794 >I'm afraid the dress blew it Clothes are my worst enemy

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 13:03:22 2016 No.15438035 I like ham, Boku and wylee!

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 14:17:14 2016 No.15438292 >>15438035 What the hell are you babbling about? This is the OC thread.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 14:25:25 2016 No.15438320 >>15438035 >wylee Who?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 14:40:51 2016 No.15438364 >>15438292 Its the drawfags you fucking dumb motherfucker piece of dog shit cocksuck-roach >>15438320 "I tried today /jp/"

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 14:44:44 2016 No.15438375 >>15438364 Don't turn this into a namedropping popularity contest. Judge the art for the art, not because you lack human interaction to the point you harass artists.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 14:47:03 2016 No.15438385 >>15438364 Oh, bitch-tan. Also calm down dude, you too >>15438375.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 21:13:28 2016 No.15439748 A present for a friend..''Selfie'' (in Progress)

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 21:15:27 2016 No.15439753 >>15439748

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 22 21:16:55 2016 No.15439758 File: 1.22 MB, 4030x3304, Selfie.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>15439753 >>15439748 My bad..

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 23 01:41:40 2016 No.15440574 >>15439758 Hand is too small, other than that it's fine. Welcome to page 10, folks. Are you feeling cold yet?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 23 01:44:15 2016 No.15440576 >>15440574 Thread's on page 9 now.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 23 01:46:49 2016 No.15440577 >>15440576 If you look to your right, the gate is already there. Aren't you thrilled?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 23 03:31:25 2016 No.15440806 >>15439758 >>15440574 Hands is indeed too small, but there are other issues. The chest is placed unnaturally.Too far on the right and the breasts falls weirdly.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 23 04:12:50 2016 No.15440897 >>15440576 /jp/ isn't really fast, even when a thread is dying it still have a bit of time.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 23 04:41:01 2016 No.15440945 >>15440806 *Right for her, it's left for us. Sorry.

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/jp/ - Otaku Culture