/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

Which Touhou would make the best girlfriend?

[Anonymous No.]

Yuuka.

[Anonymous No.]

Komachi

I like big breasts

hai

[Anonymous No.]

kaguya. she'd stay in her room with video games, no need to pick up calls or messages. it'd be the perfect long distance relationship.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757564
>long term
Nigga what? You gotta stay next to her and paly those vidyagames with her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757581
Shut it you god damn normie.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757596
What kind of a pleb wouldn't want to live with her? Are you gay?

[Anonymous No.]

Sanae

[Anonymous No.]

Komachi or Sanae for me.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757606
[x] marry

[Anonymous No.]

So, what's stopping you guys from finding a touhlike girlfriend who will cosplay?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757621
They don't have any powers to begin with.

And I'd rather be a Touhou myself. Of course, the optimal would be to be a Touhou and be with another Touhou.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757621
A wide range of mental disorders and illnesses including but not limited to social anxiety, autism and depression

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757624

[Anonymous No.]

Why make a touhou your girlfriend when you can be something much more meaningful, like best friends

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757631
>Bernd

Kill yourself krautshit.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757508
Yukari

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757621
There are no real girls who act like touhous. 3D girls are all unfaithful sluts.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757508
I would like to go on a nice date with Meiling, it would be nice if she hit me really hard.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757508
The one that loves you.

[Anonymous No.]

Why can't she be real...?

;_;

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757655
I want to treat Yukari like a girl and witness her cute out of character moments.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758774
Because she would be 3DPD

[Anonymous No.]

Things would be different around here if Eiki was my girlfriend...

[Anonymous No.]

Alice...

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758774
>>11758787
Why is the world so cruel?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757508

Suwako

She's the only one with any romantic experience.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758784
Feel like wearing a chastity bell to deal with those masterbation habits?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758784
She'd constantly bitch around because you aren't living your life the right way.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757508
I'd rather a /jp/ boyfriend than a 2hu girlfriend.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758815
Masturbation is natural and actually good for you in moderation. She wouldn't do something like that.

>>11758819
This is why I'd want her to be my girlfriend. I'd get my life back on track.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758827
I agree. /jp/ is the cutest.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758826
I don't think she would approve you of masturbating to various things on the internet or even let you use the internet at all

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758845
Why do you think that? It sounds like you're describing one of those old-timey crazy super-religious Christians.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758859
Because the internet is a spawnpool of sin and evil intentions.
Not even kidding

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758774
>>11758787
>>11758795
Would you let Alice teach you magic?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11762505
If it's Alice, I'd let her do anything to me. Even painfully and horribly murder me.

[Anonymous No.]

I can't speak for anyone else but I'd like someone rich/generous enough to give me a comfortable life.

So probably one of the large property owning ones like Yuyuko, Kaguya, Remilia, maybe Tenshi if I can chill in heaven.

But out of those that I named, definitely Yuyuko.

[Anonymous No.]

Hatate.
Ain't she a doll? Look at the size of those knockers.

[Anonymous No.]

I don't know if she would objectively be the best girlfriend, but I like her best.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757508

[Anonymous No.]

I'm a sucker for untamed beautiful women.

[Anonymous No.]

Okuu.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11762656
knock knock

[Anonymous No.]

Koa of course.

[Anonymous No.]

any of em

i jus wanna get my dick wet.

[Anonymous No.]

Yuyuko, she'd always be hungry for your sticky ectoplasm

[Anonymous No.]

>>11764163
I can't produce that at all.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11764146
I bet she would be a huge S in bed.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11764146
>>11764189
This pleases me

[Anonymous No.]

>>11764125
Who's there?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765801
O

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765832
O who?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765836
O kuu!

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765840
S-stop that, my heart isn't trained.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11764525
That's one slutty-looking face.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765840
Wouldn't she be a bad girlfriend, though? I think she's best to keep as a pet.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758774
she is real

[Anonymous No.]

Parsee would be a very jealous yandere girlfriend.

Wriggle or Yuugi might be nice, since they don't have masters they'd be more devoted to, like Koakuma or Okuu.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765885
Wow what a slut.

[Anonymous No.]

I think me and Marisa would make a good pair.
We'd have a lot of fun, joking around every day, living the way we want to, studying a bit magic ( well computer science is akin to magic, right? )

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765907
You would have to take invent the computer unless you could somehow take one with you.

[Anonymous No.]

Which touhou would enjoy accounting and fraud examination the most?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765919
I am assuming that if I were born in gensoukyou, I'd be studying magic, just like I am studying computer science and electrical engineering being born in this world

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765929
Tewi so you can help her not get caught.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765932
I guess I'd be an unambitious fuck up there too then! Ohohohoho!

Or a theologist. Same thing.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765852
She has a job and can support your NEET lifestyle.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765932
Wouldn't it be more likely that you'd just be an engineer in Gensokyo too, albeit of a less electrical trade?

[Anonymous No.]

Patchouli, She's a genuine witch, a librarian, and a good girl.

[Anonymous No.]

Would Mokou or Kaguya share their immortality with me?

[Anonymous No.]

Patchy because were both librarians, Yuugi because I would like to drink with her all day every day, or Yuuka because I think she's the most beautiful and coolest.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765958
As if Kaguya would go accept you, much less go to the hassle of getting you immortal. She had rich and famous men devote their lives to finding the treasures she already secretly owned.

Mokou might let you cut her open and eat her raw liver, but probably not.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765965
You're a librarian. This is completely unrelated to the topic at hand but I must know, what the hell is so complicated about being a librarian that I have to go to a special school to learn how to do it? I'm 80% sure it's all shit you can learn/pick up as you do it within a month. I must know because I tried to get a job at a library once and they told me this and I thought it was unreal.

A picture of Yuuka for your answer. Favorite character as well.

[Anonymous No.]

i've very carefully read every single word that i can see in this thread, and thought about every little thing that could be implied before even trying to type out a reply.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765980
Have you even studied library science?

[Anonymous No.]

She's farm from my favorite but maybe Parsee. She likes talking shit. I like talking shit. We can hang out and talk shit. We'll just drink and make fun of people.

She's more bro material for me actually. Wouldn't date her but would hang out with her frequently.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765989
Nope. That's why I'm asking what makes it so complicated. I am honestly curious.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765980
Which country does this? I once worked p/t as one and I just needed secondary school education.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765999
>Wouldn't date her but would hang out with her frequently.

That would make her feel pretty jealous.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765944
Hmm, it may be, but I guess I would be drawn more to magic due to its flashyness.
And if you think about it, magic isn't that different from engineering.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766017
Maybe it can start out as a friendship based on mutual love of hating on people and become more over time.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765999
Parsee is one of my favorites and I would totally date her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766004
In the US at least, you'd need a graduate degree -- either a master's in library science or in information science.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766004
It was in the Us, California to be exact. Maybe they thought I was asking about a full time position and gave me that answer. Hopefully that was the case but I doubt it. I don't know how it is in other countries but things here are hopelessly college degree driven.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766038
She can be cute too. She would probably grow on me after a while. I also like it when youkai are portrayed with pointy ears so that helps.

[Anonymous No.]

Koakuma has a graduate degree from an accredited university.

That's how she became the assistant librarian at the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765980
>>11766054
It's to learn the administrative and scientific side of things. Like, all about cataloging, tagging, acquisitions, reference, that kind of stuff. There's also specialties like archiving and conservation. Most of the day to day tasks like shelving, loaning items, etc. can be picked up in a month, yeah, and is usually given to part timers.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765999
Suika would be my "bro" if I could pick. We'd drink and have fun together under the starry sky. And when I get rejected when I ask another Touhou out on a date she would comfort me with a slap on the back and a bottle of sake which would lead to drunken sex.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766105
I wonder what Parsee would do if I ask for help in hooking up with Yuugi. I highly doubt she would want to help since it would be a hassle.

But who knows, maybe she will tell me that Oni only respect strength and will offer to help me train for my inevitable ass beating/death. I'll get wrecked fighting Yuugi (of course) and Parsee will step in to save me at the last second, haul my mangled ass to Eientei in a wheelbarrow, then tell me that she only helped me so that she could watch me lose despite my efforts and she would tell me with a smile on her face. I'll laugh, telling her that it was stupid of me to think I could win against an Oni in a fist fight, and then we go back to her place to hammer straw dolls into trees while I'm high on pain killers.

Man, I love hypothetical scenarios.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766146
>>11766079
>>11766038
>>11766031
>>11766017
>>11765999
I want to make every other couple jealous of Parsee and me!

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766093
>has a graduate degree from an accredited university
>works at some unknown library in the ass end of nowhere for no pay
What a success.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766253
As much as I love that idea, my intense love for Alice prevents me from doing so.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766271
I want to help Alice dig up corpses to make into life sized combat puppets with weaponized limbs.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766271
They're both cute!

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766302
My general preference is usually long, dark hair but when it comes to Touhou I always seem to prefer blonde, short hair like on Alice, Parsee and Ran.
Or Marisa's hair. I love her hair.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766265
She lives in a mansion and has a cute boss. What more could a little devil want?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766306
Yeah I like long dark hair and pale skin combo for most things but I seem to like everything but long dark hair when it comes to touhou.

Probably because I enjoy the goth look on women and no one really comes close to having that look. Hina and Nue might come close but I'm not feeling it with them for some reason.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766265
Spending all day with Patchu in a fucking mansion is pay enough.

[Anonymous No.]

Seeing Parsee appreciation always makes me feel good

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766352
I will always keep appreciating Parsee, even if she unfortunately gets overshadowed by others even for me.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766412
Does it make you jealous how others overshadow Parsee?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11764127
The shit is going on in this image?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766447
Okuu is like "Sorry I'm late, thanks for calling me out here today."

And those guys are like "Aw shit, it's the real Okuu! Welcome!"

All of their names are some variation of "Toshi" for some reason. I don't get it, maybe I'm missing the reference.

Okuu blushes and the guys are in the background like "She got red!" and "Okuu is cute!"

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766472
sasuga Okuute

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766438
It makes me frustrated. It frustrates me that I can't love her more than I do.
Which is saying something, considering I love her a whole lot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766352
I think I tricked myself into liking her more with my own hypothetical scenario.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766534
What's wrong with her legs?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766630
Perspective failure

[Anonymous No.]

>>11765885
can 3d women never not be sluts?

[Anonymous No.]

I like reading how some /jp/sies will try to win over Parsee's heart. I think she is one of the most difficult touhous to win over.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766642
They are living beings with human desires.

So the answer is sluts, the lot of them.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766652
Very few people have the capacity to hate on her level. I doubt any normal person could win her. Some people might try to win her with kindness but you know that shit never works on people like her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766652
If /jp/ ever falls into Gensokyo I'll team up with Parsee and sabotage everyone else's relationships.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766664
Even if they did their absolute best?

>>11766669
Why would you do that?!

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766688
Couples should all explode!

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766688
Yeah, she doesn't seem like she responds well to kindness. She'll probably just think you're trying to subtlety mock her and hate you for it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766669
I'd like to stakeout a restaurant with parsee to that end. We can share one of those sundaes with the two straws while we pretend to be a loving couple.
And if we should happen to lose our original purpose along the way, so be it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766692
Wouldn't that mean you would explode yourself? If you go around sabotaging relationships people will see you and Parsee together. You'll be known as the couple who go around ruining relationships.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766695
How would win her heart then!?

[Anonymous No.]

They're not real and they can't replace what you lack if your life. Your attempts to do so have resulted in neigh-on irrevocable dopamine receptor downregulation which is why you are chronically depressed and sleep unnaturally long

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766709
You tell em, boss! Love is for the weak! What hope could you have if you can't even be content with loving yourself?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766655
But I can live fine without sticking my penis into every type of hole and showing off my dick to anyone.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766708
NEETs suffer from chronic dopamine downregulation (hedonic treadmill)

their desperate attempts to avoid anything unpleasant have resulted in unnaturally high levels of dopamine and an aritfical high much like drug addicts get when starting

however neuroreceptors always re-regulate to homoestasis. This is why NEETs sleep 10-14+ hours a day, are still generally tired, depressed and unhappy when awake, and generally commit suicide before the mid 30s

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766723
Sorry, who said something about love? I didn't.

I said what you lack. then you threw the L word around. Sounds like you may be projecting there pal.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766722
Double standards, ese.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766722
that's because you have pathologically low testosterone, a very common ailment on /jp/

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766728
I thought this was a thread about romance. I guess I was wrong. That's why you get to be the boss.

[Anonymous No.]

so then 2hu are literally just the most passive omega male otaku hiki NEET autism antisocial awkward uguu~ sooth muh soul chronically depressed addicted dopamine receptor downregulated cute girls doing cute things with no threatening males that could make me feel inferior no NTR ever tabula rasa impossibly cute impossibly non-competed for girls that these 'people' use for whatever purposes or ends or make believe they want

That makes actually, way too much sense.

Finally /jp/ makes sense.


Finally the pieces fall into place

why only the most autistic NEETs love 2hu, why it eclipsed even anime in this regard

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766701
Jealousy will only consume itself in the end, but we'll have a good time while we're alive.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766737
i dont really understand your post but thank you for contributing to /jp/ culture :)

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766748
>i dont really understand your post

yeah /jp/ and 4chan in general and anime/2hu fans / NEETs are the worst kind of nerd, they're the nerd with an IQ on the low end of the bell curve.

literally robbed of the nerds only saving grace in life, it's no surprise where you end up i guess

[Anonymous No.]

Nitori because steam powered dildos.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766737
Touhou is considered entry-level otaku culture compared to even anime in Japan, actually.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766797
So why is it so late stage otakuism in the rest of the world? That seems odd.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766757

dont worry anon, i understood your post just fine

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766800
There is more exposure to touhou over there probably while we get their importted mainstream anime as our entry level.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11766830
Pretty much this, it's the cool thing for nerds to like. If you go through pixiv artists for example you'll find that a lot of them started by drawing Touhou and at some point abandoned it for other things.

[Anonymous No.]

Is the princess really an airhead?

[Anonymous No.]

mmmm

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767489
Imagine the stink that guy has to bear. The last panel should have him puking violently.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767489
Woah when did he do a new one?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767541
Fugg you, bitch!

[Anonymous No.]

Marisa. She already lives in the woods by herself, so anything is an improvement for her.

She also is cute.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11762505
I never thought how much cutesy and hebrew symbology were intertwined with elemental magic.

[Anonymous No.]

2hus are just GNU/'Waifu' aren't they

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767700
Not really. Touhou Project is proprietary software.

[Anonymous No.]

Which Touhou would make the cuntiest girlfriend?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767776

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767489
The fuck does she want new years money for? She's rich already isn't she?

[Anonymous No.]

Let's see what i'm looking for.

>Won't kill me
>Won't feed me to youkais
>Will help protecting the homestead against youkais
>Pro human
>Can fight and teach me how to fight aswell

I'm shit down to luck, am i?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768169
kasen, alice

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768173
Keine and potentially Mokou, too.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768169
toyosatomimi! sanae!

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767776
Reimu. No contest.

Second place goes to Parsee, only because she has the excuse of being a jealousy youkai.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768222
I think Parsee would be really cute and nice if you show her lots of love, though.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768227
Wouldn't she be incapable of being nice due to what she is though?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768340
>"Parsee harbors intense feelings of jealousy due to being despised."
I don't think so.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768366
What kind of youkai would she be if she stopped feeling like that though? An elf?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11757621
Used to have one, her main character was flandre, too bad her breasts were too big.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768373
Her ability as a youkai isn't being jealous of everything, it's manipulating jealousy itself.
The jealousy stems from being despised due to her ability.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768379
So an elf?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768408
And elf who can manipulate other people's jealousy.
Not very different from a jealous elf who can manipulate people's jealousy.

[Anonymous No.]

Who would make best housewife?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768859
Nazrin is a mousewife!?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11768866

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767754
But the touhou's are basically free to be written as you want and used any way you want

[Anonymous No.]

>>11767776
Seija.

[Anonymous No.]

Patche or Sukuna. You could carry her around on your shoulder.

[Anonymous No.]

Sanae, Meiling, Komachi, Reisen

>>11757655
Yukari is a slaver, not a girlfriend.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758774
Alice is a goofy autist, she'd make a terrible girlfriend.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11758774
But she is anon... You just have to find her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772420

Don't say those things about Alice. Yes, she is a little strange, but she's a nice girl with a good heart.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772563
She hold entire conversations with her dolls.
And those dolls are completely moved and animated by her.

In other words she hold lenghty conversation with herself as if she was talking to somebody else.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772563
She says mean things to Reimu, she is NOT a nice girl.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772638
Everybody says mean things to Reimu.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772651
Most of Gensokyo's inhabitants are mean

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772617

So?

>>11772638

Read PMiSS. She helps people in the forest and lets them spend the night at her home, expecting nothing in return.

Besides, all the touhous bitch each other out in the games, that's how it has always been. Hell, a lot of the time the protagonists more than deserve it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772617
Everyone does that but just inside their heads.
I'd talk to my magically controlled dolls too. At least privately.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772659
Everyone in Touhou is canonically kind of a gigantic fucking asshole.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772680

They'll be friends after the protagonist wins, anyway. Not like it really matters.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772638
Wasn't Alice stated to be very friendly, but with a tendency to get so absorbed into her research she creeps visitors out?

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772692

Yes. She's a little odd, but that doesn't bother me one bit. I think she's fascinating.

I don't really like the depiction of Alice is a lesbian though, mostly because I don't think that's what it is. I think she's just socially clumsy and respects Marisa. She's probably not very good at getting that across.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772699
I for one don't mind either way. I think it's a really cute pairing, so I don't look into it too much.

Marisa also happens to be my second favorite, so having my favorite and second favorite paired up is kinda favorable to me.

[Anonymous No.]

I think Meiling might be a good choice. She's nice, approachable as long as you don't look like you're trying to break in, and she's conveniently placed in front of reasonably easy to get to mansion so you don't have to go to the edges of hell or the netherworld just to hang out with her.

It would be nice, she can teach you magic kung fu. Maybe after you're good enough she can convince Remilia to hire you so you can both live in the same quarters and have some place to live.

She might just be a Scottish Chinaboo (I have a whole theory about that but I'll save it for a Meiling thread) which might be a down side depending on how you feel about the Scottish.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772849
>She might just be a Scottish Chinaboo (I have a whole theory about that but I'll save it for a Meiling thread) which might be a down side depending on how you feel about the Scottish.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772906
Don't worry, it's not a serious theory. It's more like a for fun one.

[proREMIRIAt Elite Force Comman(...) !rSDMROXTB. No.]

Youmu, she seems easy to please.
Or Parsee, I want to experience her possessive, selfish and Yandere-ish love!

>>11757621
Too many dimensions.
Really, heavenly perfection of 2D for too long spoils you.

>>11767776
Eiki.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772849
Don't worry, I remember you and your theory from previous threads.

[Anonymous No.]

>>11772972
The one where she goes around beating up people and monsters around late 1800s Europe?