/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I'm in my underwear right now

I wish Kohaku was my wife

>>970269
I'm naked

I wish a Kohaku would be teleported to everyone on /jp/ right now.

Half of us would be awkwardly trying to avert our stares at the other half that would be naked and fapping.

We would need a room of great size to fit all of our desks and computers comfortably.

i just want to take a moment to express how joyful i am that i don't have to deal with you fags in person or look at any of you, ever

>>970284
And we would be still sitting in front of our computers posting messages on the board?

>>970286
likewise, faggot.

Most of us would get crushed under the fatties.

>>970299

and passing fatty snacks around.

That is a terrible wish. You are a terrible person. I wish you were dead.

>>970281
I think you mean that half of us would be fapping, and the other half would be fapping to those of us fapping.

And then there'd be that one girl, who accidentally clicked on the link to /jp/ from some other board or something, and would instantly panic.

I can imagine the smell already

>>970325
BUKKAKE TIME

Oh god no.
I don't want to meet you faggots.

>>970270

Too bad she's already mine! Ahahah you suck, motherfucker!

Ok, assuming OP's wish came true, but you knew you had 5 minutes until the teleportation... how would you prepare?

[ ] stop fapping and get dressed
[ ] start fapping
[ ] put on your favorite cosplay
[ ] an hero
[ ] do nothing

>>970366
Enjoy your needle time.

>>970370
[x] stop fapping and get dressed
[ ] start fapping
[ ] put on your favorite cosplay
[ ] an hero
[ ] do nothing
Though, I'm not fapping

[X] put on a silly hat

>>970370
[x] put on a silly hat prepare lots of bouncy balls for danmaku battle

>>970377

[x] Drink the rest of my Old Crow.

>>970370
I'd grab a few liters of alcohol. If I'm gonna be stuck in a room with a bunch of ugly fucks, then I'm gonna wanna be drunk.

>>970384
>>970386

Hivedrunk

I don't want to take it easy with you guys.

>>970386
that will almost certainly lead to you getting raped. they'll find your corpse with 11 Ciel figurines stuffed up your ass

>>970393
i lol'd

>>970396
i lol'd at this too

also, in b4 this thread lasts for 5 days.

>>970386
>>970384
My fave kind of /jp/sie, the old, angry drunk ones. Fuck yes frustration. Also, if OP's scenario came true I'd probably violate someone.

>>970384
>Old Crow

The only Bourbon that makes me feel hung-over before I'm even through being drunk.

It would turn into a huge power level faggotry.

>>970397
I didn't say I didn't want to remember anything. Merely that I wanted to be drunk. The multiple liters are to last me a few days, cause who knows when the fuck I'd get out of there.

>>970370

I would definitely have to get dressed real fast, and I'd grab my grandpa's rusty WWII machete. If I have to be teleported to a bunch of you fucks, the last thing I want to be is butt naked.

I'd edjaculate all over the crowd of Anons, then run for my life.

[X] Get my knife

>>970429
DISREGARDS THAT; I SUCK ALL YOUR COCKS.

Take off my glasses and get ready to kill.

>>970409
It wouldn't. The people that actually like /jp/ would be sitting there in a circle talking about the nuances of Ever17's writing style, or something, while the trolls would be running around masturbating in people's hair or something.

[x] Get a gun.

Yes....not a good situation.

>>970370
[X] Get my baseball bat

>>970371
>an hero

>>970407
>fave

>>970436

I am always naked and always at my computer.

>>970445
>an hero
gb2/b/

[x] shave my neckbeard

What if everyone on /jp/ right now was teleported into a room with everyone on /b/ right now?

No, I do not wish to be raped.

>>970436
>comupter

>>970472
Then I'd choose the suicide option. Though I have heard there are some really young females that do browse /b/, so I guess I'd have to spend a moment checking through the thousands of /b/tards that would be in the room to see if any of the females are young enough to be a good rape. Then suicide.

>>970472
god no, I hate kids.

>>970472
Mass-murder.

>>970479
Best laugh I've had today.

>>970472

That would be great if I had a full hazmat suit and some sort of horrible nerve agent. I could singlehandedly save 4chan.

Well, it probably wouldn't do THAT much, but it would improve a lot. I'd probably wipe out some of the good guys from /jp/ in the process but... omelette, few eggs, etc.

Tripfags would use something to identify themselves. God knows what would happen next...

rape the maids

>>970472

I'm graduated now, but last year I was sitting in a high school HTML programming class. The middle school bell rang and all the little kids came funneling down the hall being noisy, as usual. Then out of fucking no where I heard a high pitched ear drum bursting voice scream out something that pissed me off to a point I wanted to run out of the class and beat the fuck out of the kid who yelled it. Some little bastard was spouting /b/ memes in the hallway, "SHOOP DA WHOOP" was apparently his favorite.

Soon, we would see the formation of several factions: Type-moonfags, Touhoufags, etc. One might argue that the Touhou faction would be overpowered but that would be a moot point: they would spend most of the time fighting among themselves(Alicefags, Reisenfags, etc)

[x]Party Gaems

>>970562

how is that any different from what happens in internet /jp/?

>>970572
IRL flames hurt.

What if everyone on /jp/ right now was teleported into space and everyone on /b/ laughed?

>>970555
Wow, I didn't know it is that bad. The infestation has spread far and wide. Makes me feel glad that I didn't visit /b/ in a long time.

>>970571
I'd beat the shit out of you guys in shogi.

>>970555
That made me cry.

>>970595

Then there would be more proof that there is no god.

>>970261

I know there's atleast one female browsing /jp/ and the majority of us are guys.

That unlucky female will either be

1.Gangraped

2.Forced to give everyone a handjob

or 3. Driven insane from having all the guys trying to talk to her all at once.

I wish this thread would last for 5 days.

>>970623
[x] All of the above?

But seriously, I don't think any of you really have the balls to rape someone.

>>970623
You're missing number 4 - Avoided liked the plague.

Big gay orgy.

>>970562
You haven't even thought about the Shiki vs Shirou arguments.

>>970641
I'm a moralfag and would never rape someone.

>>970370
[X] Genuflect

>>970623
Mostly would be people yelling "trap" or "troll".
Also, pig disgusting, etc.

And then we all would hear Yukari~n laughing.

>>970370
[X] Grab the monopoly box.

>>970370

[X] Put on my wizard hat and robe.

>>970641

Did you forget everyone here is anonymous? You don't know what anyone here has done in the past.

You may never know.

>>970769
Fuck off.

>>970769
Fuck off.

>>970783

I raped a man in Reno, just to watch him cry.

[X] Run for my fucking life

>>970799
Fuck you, man, that fucking hurt

>>970820
Should've worn Rapex™.

Then everyone would rage because I'm a thirteen year old girl.

>>970846
I think you mean rape.

I just took a shower, but I'm unshaven and my hair is a mess. Maybe I could try to pass off as a hipster.

>>970846
Had your first period yet ?

I have shouler length loose combed hair, a trimmed beard, and bifocals. I'm currently wearing shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt.

Inventory: Watch, wallet, (75 dollars American, ID, etc.)swiss army knife, car keys to 2000 Saturn SL2 with a recently rebuilt transmission.

Shall we have a knife fight, my dear Anonymii?

>>970887

would that change what you would do to her?

>>970370
[x]genuflect

>>970905
Let's do it. I have a knife and $500 in my pocket right now as well as keys to my rape-crate, an old school-bus.

>>970908
Yeah, I wouldn't like to enter during that time of the month.

[x] Consensual heterosexual intercourse in the missionary position for the purpose of procreating.

>>970905
Aha,

I'm wearing +3 def pants and one pair of +2 dex glasses.
I also have a swiss army knife but have a healing can of coke.

You're so fucked.

>>970908
Courtesy, no woman would want to raise one of our spawn.

>>970929
Man up, it's just some blood.

It's not like you'll be drinking it. Besides, she'll be bleeding anyway after god knows how many /jp/sies....

>>970937
Don't ever do that again.

>>970941
I don't think anonymous has one big enough to do any damage, even if we J-J-JAM IT IN.

>>970954
It's not the size, but the friction that causes problems. Are we really going to take the time to rape tenderly?

>>970941

I'll be drinking it.

>>970965
I think after a while ( about 5 minutes), the amount of semen present on the girl's body will serve as lube.

>>970935
<--- second door from the left

I'd put on my Space Marine armor replica.

>>970954

7.2 inches in length and 6.4 in girth. It's not much, but a hard enough raping would hurt pretty bad, especially if she wasn't wet first.

7.2 inches in length and 6.4 in girth. It's not much, but a hard enough raping would hurt pretty bad, especially if she wasn't wet first.

Actually, I'm sure the anus/rectum are much more likely to sustain injury from raep.

It's wierd to see posts about people raping you.

>>970974
If even that long...


>>971038
I bet.

>>971038

Part of hiding your power level involves hiding your age and gender from us. You have much to learn anon-tan. Unless of course you are just a master troll. In that case 10/10.

>>970370
[x] Lock and load

Remember Loli-chan? Did she eventually get raped or merely legal thus vanishing from anon's radar?

so, what happens if I come wearing thighhighs, miniskirt, glasses, twintails and a tsundere attitude ?

>>971078
You'll probably still be ugly, and male.

>>971078

Cleanse, purge, kill, etc

>>971078
I don't like traps that have hit puberty.

>>971068

Since this thread called for it, I thought it wouls've been nice to see the reaction. Now instead of being disgusted, I'm feeling pretty good right now.

haha. Actually, /jp/ members could probably throw an awesome party. It's easy when you don't have to worry about impressing anyone. We don't respect each other or anything, so it'd be doable.

>>971133
So, are you still claiming to be both thirteen and female? What size are your breasts?

>>971077
Simply vanished

>>970846

Still waiting on that underageb&... I guess it's going to take a while.

>>970927

You shouldn't carry around so much paper. Muggings, etc.

>>971078
I don't think you realize who you're dealing with here.

That's years of pent-up aggression multiplied by however many of us are here. There'd be nigh little left of your body

HI /jp/ ON FOREHEAD OR GTFO

>>971192
Mods? On /jp/? I laugh.

>>971156

32A.

>>971264
That's a fairly burly chest measurement for a 13 yr old.

>>971094
Let's just pretend you're into futanari.
Were I fatter, I'd say I even got breasts.
Then again, some other anonymous might want to do that.

>>970935
You sick motherfucker.

Also, this is a horrible idea, especially since I hate all of you. I'm sure the feeling's mutual.

>>971264
Wait, how much do you weigh?

I would probably get bored and teach people how to dance.
So few people nowadays can do a proper waltz.

>>971330
Based on my feelings, I'd say he weighs about 200 pounds, give or take.

If I got sent in a room with all of you I'd just sit in the corner and avoid eye contact until my mom came to give me a ride home.

Bra cup size is 32A, and weight is around 95 pounds. Anything else, boys?

I'd share my CP

>>971422
95 pounds is awfully little for a 13 year old. Stop being anorexic.

get a camera and become the latest cancer killing /jp/

>>971440
And stop being a male while you're at it

>>971422
You wouldn't happen to live in Scotland would you?

I know you wont but a man can hope.

[x]Freak out because people would eventually realize I was just visiting from /a/ after I displayed no "norma" /jp/ knowledge.

[x]Put my my fave cosplay.

>>971440

That's what it was, last time I checked. Though, I haven't weighed myself since my last physical back in December. I'm not too bony.

kill Sax

>>971503
You're masturbating to the thought of Anonymous thinking about you, aren't you?

[x] put on your favorite cosplay

Everyone would be too busy telling eachother how much a weeaboo I am to bother getting near me.

>>971264
>>971274
ITT anonymous doesn't know his cup sizes.

It's over, /jp/ is finished.

Seriously, this thread... it's just... god. I know it's summer. I know it's been really, really summer the past week or so. But this... this is just... I have no words for this.

It would be horrible.
I am from Scotland none of you would be able to understand me.
I would just sit there babbling like a loon until someone came to rescue me.

>>971546
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0370242/
Interesting.

Hmm, I wonder how many underage!fags I could count....

This thread is going to be deleted soon so I might as well ask here.

Why does the page not update when I press refresh sometimes? I'll press it like ten minutes later and it won't change. I have to restart my computer to fix it. Gamefaqs does the same thing. How do I fix it?

>>971595
Everyone who replied to the guy pretending to be a little girl clearly was underage.

>>971600
>This thread is going to be deleted soon
What would make you think that?

It depends on what room. Who would want to meet me anyway?

>>971600
Clear your cache.

>>971619
I'm just a pedophile. I wanted to see what kinda numbers would be made up to make this girl seem "ideal". There's no way a 13-year-old girl would be on /jp/.

>>971569
See? I'm right.

Here is a guide for anonymous.

A cup = budding breasts. Not completely flat as is the common misconception; true DFC doesn't really exist after girls go through puberty. Two little hills, basically. No real definition.
B cup = average. Not flat, but not particularly large either- not enough to get the girl really noticed. Not much cleavage.
C cup = slightly above average. Usually one breast is a handful. She will get noticed for having larger breasts than usual. Her cleavage is usually noticeable.
D cup = Can be rather ridiculous, depending on the girl's constitution. Basically, you will know a d cup when you see it. Tama-nee related. Anyone bigger than that is heading into custom bra territory.

Age doesn't really have anything to do with anything; once they hit puberty, anything is possible. I have known 15 year olds with E cups, for example.

This has been your lesson in cup sizes with Anonymous. And remember, a true breast connoisseur loves and appreciates all breasts, and his favorite breasts are the breasts of the woman he loves.

this thread was good until the troll/girl came in and ruined in.

back on topic, if i had 5 minutes, I'd probably get dressed if fapping, then grab as much booze as possible. Also, if we had our comps, i'd definitely make sure i had SWR and MBAC - tourneyfaggotry would be pretty funny IRL

>>971687
Oh god tama-nee makes me hard every single time.
>>971345
I know how to waltz, but it'd be boring to waltz with a guy, unless you're a trap. And only if you're a good-smelling trap as well.

>>971687
Have I got news for you!

>>971739
>unless you're a trap

Have I got news for you!

sage for pedophilia

>>971697

What's wrong with girls? I thought that /jp/ took pride in the fact that it was different from the other parts of 4chan.

Here in /jp/, sage can be polite, our girls are real (and just as fat/ugly/ronery as our males) and Anonymous embraces his failure, instead of trying to cover it up like the other boards.

>>971757
>What's wrong with girls?

Smelly, bitchy and annoying.

>>971757

No. Go back to the retarded tripfag quarantine zone in that Sax thread.

>>971766
>girls r smelly lololol
Fucking underage b& I swear to god

>>971766
>>Smelly, bitchy and annoying.

See? We're all the same!

>>971766
>>971792
>>971797
Prepubescent girls are too young to sweat, so minimal body odor. No raging hormones, so not bitchy. Train them right and they won't be annoying either.

>>971797
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I've always wanted to try to pretend to be a little girl on 4chan.

I didn't no people would buy it so fucking easily if I did though.

(not the person pretending atm, but a bystander surprised by gullibility)

>>971945
HI, REMILIA_SCARLET.

>>971821
But I like the way women smell. Does this mean I'm not a pedo?

In after thread.

>>971821
You can be "too young to sweat"?

>>971975
No. Little girls sweat, but anon means that before puberty they don't sweat nearly as much as adults do, i.e., not from their pits.

However, little kids smell nasty anyway because they don't fucking bathe. In that respect, they're a lot like you

>>971999
I thought showering was also bathing.

>>971999
Almost every kid I know bathes/showers at least once every other day.

>>971999

I've actually been showering multiple times a day because the heat is unbearable and I need to periodically blast myself with ice cold water to stay alive. Like a whale, except I don't get to be hoisted up in the net thing or jump over a little boy.

Once the summer is over, though, I'll go back to marinating in my own filth. Just the way I like it.

wow, I love this thread.

>>972078

I love you, anon.

>>972087
Don't mock me! ಥ_ಥ

>>972087
Shit on my face.

>>972102
ಠ_ಠ

>>972102

I-it's not that I want to or anything, it just happens that I have to take a dump right now!

>>972119
ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ

>>970342
oh fuck you.

>>972102
You must really love her.

ಠ_ಠ

>>972186
ಠ3ಠ

Stop this thread you muggles.

>>972208
>muggles
ಠ_ಠ

>>970261

>>972208
ಠ_ಠ

>>972225
SO MUE

>>970638

i would rather see these two fight

>>972256
That picture is a fucking paradox.

>>972256
I wonder which one would kill Shirou faster.

>>971757
>What's wrong with girls? I thought that /jp/ took pride in the fact that it was different from the other parts of 4chan.

We are different because we don't attentionwhoring ( lol look at me im a girl ), e-hugs and faggotry here.

Also, sage for classic tripfag stupidity.

>>972266

Neither, Shirou beats both of them easily with one arm tied behind his back.

>>972266

i think we know the answer to that one

>>972282

not so sure about that. I mean he way over powers them, but if he slipped up once hes fucked

>>970638

Upgraded your shoop.

SO IF WE ALL GOT TELEPORTED INTO THE SAME ROOM IT WOULD BE PRETTY COOL AMIRITE?

>>972378
No I'm pretty sure Shiki could definately kill Shirou easily.

>>972387

Enjoy being wrong.

>>972387
But when he traces weapons he gains the combat ability of the legendary figure who used the weapon, so it would be impossible for a relatively untrained and inexperienced fighter like Shiki to get a hit on him easily.

>>972406
But Shiki can see the lines and Shirou can't.
Therefore Shirou will be killed when he dies.

I have a boner

>>972406
>inexperienced fighter like Shiki

What?

>>972406

No he doesn't.

Shirou said both he and Gilgamesh were merely "owners" of weapons, and that they don't know how to make effective use of them, that being their main weakness.

>>971194
I don't go outside that often

>>972417
But the point your missing is hurr durrr hurrr hurrdurr

>>972309

Too bad /jp/ is all one person.

>>972431
Well despite Shiki's abilities he's unable to take a waha to the face.

>>972465

Shiki can see anything that would kill him coming at him before it even happens.

The only way to actually kill him is to use NON lethal attacks and try to hope he bleeds to death.

I would dress up in my Keiichi cosplay.

OP here, damn this thread took off. I made this as a joke but after reading all of this... I really do want to meet all of you...