/jp/ - Otaku Culture

If Yukari is so powerful, why did Borders close down?

knock knock
who there
bad thread

Why did Youmu cross the road?

Because Yuyuko was on the other side

Why did Reimu split open Suika on the beach and proceed to eat her insides?

Because she's a watermelon

>>9583450
Usually even bad jokes make me smile a little. This one didn't make me smile at all. Good job.

What is flat and modest? Guy in a drag. Remilia-chan.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Master!
Master who?
-SPAAAAARK!
KABOOM

/that off-screen audience laughter that everyone hates

>>9583493
it's called a laugh track dude wtf

>>9583509
Or canned laugh.

Why is Sakuya so elegant?

Because she dresses timelessly.

How many Suikas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

53. Two for a ladder, one to hold it in, the rest to drink 'till Gensokyo starts spinning.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Witch Two
Witch Two who?
Wch 2hu wd ufq

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Chen
Chen who?
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Chen
Chen who?
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Chen
Chen who?
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Orin
Orin who?
Orin you glad I didn't say Chen!

>>9583533
How does Kaguya screw in a lightbulb?
Eirin, Eirin, dasukete!
Alternatively
She doesn't since she tossed the last one at Mokou.
Alternatively
...I imagine it's quite difficult for her.

This thread might already be comedy gold for anyone who was high on marijuana now.

>>9583533
>>9583574
Gensokyo doesn't have light bulbs.

What a normal person says
>I need more of you

What a redneck says
>I need moriya

>>9583584
seems like i am a redneck

How deeply nested are you, /jp/?

>>9583582
Rinnosuke does, Yukari does, Moriya do, Kappa do.

How does yuuka water her flowers?
she doesnt, shes dead

I'm not clever enough to make up my own extremely bad joke, so I'll just post this

>>9583574
Better answer would be "eternity"

>>9583625
haha that's an ice joke

Suika walks into a bar.
She an alcohol and its destroying her family.

Speaking of ice-pee, in some areas in the Arctic, your urine freezes before it hits the ground.

What would Youkai Mountain be if Cirno had her way?
Mt. Slip-n-slide!

What is this I don't even

>>9583565
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why did Remilia put a flan on top of Dr.Dres head?

She made a flan-Dre

>>9583465
Alice you are quite the dolt

http://world4ch.org/read/prog/1318996246/1,5

How does Cirno play Sakuya?

She stuffs two snowballs under her shirt

>>9583661
Ice on your nipples is a very nice feeling

How does Marisa remember things she forgets?

She was Reimu-ded of them by her friends!


How do people give faith to the Moriya Shrine?

They Sanae-and-Deliver it by mail!

How does Sakuya like her CSS layouts?

With lots of padding.
*knifed* x_x

>>9583661
>>9583565
>>9583642
>>9583584
>>9583537
>>9583529
>>9583456
>>9583651

laughed, especially

>Knock knock
>Who's there?
>Witch Two
>Witch Two who?
>Wch 2hu wd ufq

>>9583670
How does Sah nah eh sound like sign?

>>9583670
I love these sort of jokes. They're the bare minimum to qualify as a pun, and that's why they're funny.

A german man met Keine. After introducing herself the german man suddenly destroyed all upper streams of any white vallies in Gensokyo

>>9583642
underrated post

>>9583655
>quite the dolled

What do you call the doujin circle who plagiarised a lot of music and sold it as their own?

Team Shanghai Alice.

>>9583677
TOO DEEP FOR ME. Solution please.

I have a question.

So if Parsee is jealous of everything, does that mean she's jealous of your dick?

see, it's funny because your dick is tiny

why did sanae cross the road?

to suck le dick ^__^

Zettai Yuru-Sanae

>>9583694
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_envy

>>9583692
Keine.jpg

What grows in the Scarlet Devil Mansions herb garden?
[Spoiler]Patchouli[/spoiler]

Why does Patchouli hate incense?
she doesn't like the smell

What does Patchouli have in common with Yuuka?
They're both plants

>>9583694
Alternatively you could say "Your dick is so small not even Parsee is jealous of it."

>>9583692
keines last name translates to upper stream of a white valley.

Keine on the other hand means no, like keine ___ means no ____

>>9583700

Hahaha! That was funny, it's like you implied freud wasn't a worthless crack addict with retarded ideas.

a tengu once framed an italian for comitting a heinous crime. when the police arrived on the scene and asked him what happened, he responded, "Aya did it!" and was promptly arrested.

>>9583694
That's not quite how it works.

Though she might be able to detect my jealousy of other people's penises.
See, it's funny because my dick is tiny.

>>9583675
http://en.touhouwiki.net/images/d/d0/Sanae.ogg

>>9583709

How did Chen get to the Extra Stage when she was late?
She Ran

>>9583709

Ok, that was pretty funny

>>9583713
Penis envy hasn't really been taken seriously and has been outright proven wrong at times, so what you're saying is a little redundant.

What's a fairy's favorite Call of Duty game mode?
Cirno and Destroy

>>9583729
I'm sure that would be funny if the joke wasn't based off a shitty game.

>>9583731

I know ;_;

>>9583731
This thread is for dumb jokes, not shoehorning your off-topic opinions into places.

David Tennant was the worst Doctor.

WHAT DO BUNBUNMARU AND /v/IRGINS HAVE IN COMMON

NOBODY EVER KNOWS >WHO THEY ARE QUOTING

>>9583744

It's SEARCH and destroy.

>>9583723

Mostly I just like to take every opportunity to point out that Freud was a crackhead.

This one was in a thread a long time ago, but I'll post it anyhow.

Sakuya was dusting the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and Remilia told her she needed to dust out the clock tower. Sakuya said, "No way, I'm done dusting, there's no way I'm dusting out that clock tower." So, Remilia told her "If you don't dust out the clock tower I will fight you!" Sakuya replies, "Okay, but if I win, I don't have to dust out the clock tower."

Well needless to say, Sakuya cleaned Remilia's clock.

>>9583731
No it isn't cirno isn't pronounced nowhere near "seek"

Why did Ran start running?

Because Yukari said her name

Marisa escaped with her stolen goods to Rio de Janeiro. The extradition seems to take a lot of time. Why?

Ryunosuke

What Reimu said after she turned into Marisa?

"I got raped and nuked."

wot was sanaes job b4 she was a miko?

Sexually Liberated Urban Teenager

Why was Yuugi too scared to be in the latest Street Fighter game?

Because she was Zan-GRIEFED

>>9583748
"Search" is even more far off!

Nitori created a machine that can combine two animals. She tested it on a stingray and a cow. She calls the animal Ray-moo.

>>9583745
you piece of fuck

>>9583748
I know we've had this debate a million times, but it's チルノ
Chi-ru-no. English IPA approximation:
/tʃiː.rʊ.noʊ/

Pretty much none of the phonemes are the same.

>>9583777

Why did Marisa stick his hand into an antsnest and take the queen ant?

She stole Arisus precious thing

>>9583769
I get it, because she's sting-y

SSiB is the most extremely bad Touhou joke.

>>9583789
Oh christ

>>9583787
Disgusting.

Why did Suwako wait to sell her stocks?

Tomorrow will be special; yesterday was not

>>9583802

VERY GOOD

Why was Marisa running in the rain?
Because she loves a nice drizzle.

Wanna hear a joke?

Youkai's rights

What does Marisa like in the weekends

Alice in Chains

Why does Sakuya only call others at night?

She has a Lunar Dial

Why does Mokou wear red suspenders?

To keep her pants up!

>>9583826

What do weeaboos and Youmu have in common?
They both have a Japanize Dream

What did Cirno listen to when her friends were playing outside in the winter?

Coldplay

Why does Cirno freeze frogs?

Because she's cool


Why did Cirno leave the bar fastly?

Her friend ordered an icepick

So, how DOES Yamame shot web?!?
Her web is a complete ass pull.

yo momma so dumb not even satori can tell what she thinkin

Why is Hina always alone?

Bad plot development.

Why did Satori start to play Yu-gi-oh?

She had heard Parsee yelling about it every night

If we run out of material for this thread we could just start copying and pasting Youtube comments, this is the kind of shit people post on Touhou videos. Except they're serious.

Why was Iku looking for Mokou?
She wanted some Fire in her Disco

Who is Hina's only friend?

Spinzaku

Yamame should be /jp/'s mascot because she's always on the web.

>>9583859

I'm serious about my jokes!

What happens when you spice a deva of the mountain?

You get pepperoni.

This one may be a tad hard to get, but...

If Cirno was a musketeer, what would her name be?

Cirno de Bergerac

>>9583869
>pepper-oni

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>9583874
No, no, I got it.
That was
I don't know.

Hina was kicked out of school because she wouldn't stop cursing. She was a real Bad Apple.

Aya loses her job and starts a bakery. What does she call it?

Bunbunmaru

Nice thread, too bad I can't read half the posts because they are using the spoiler tags incorrectly.

How does Koishi hit on people?
She shows them her Embers of Love

I love this one:

Why touhous use Windows?

because bad apple

Parsee was always jealous of Kisume's apparent relationship expertise. She could often jump to first base just by giving her name.

So why does Patchouly try to keep Marisa from stealing her books so hard?
She's afraid of spoilers.

>>9583896
UAH HUAH HUAH!!!

Is it bad that I laughed at most of those?

fuck it hurts to read these but i cant stop

fuck

Yukari's so old, when Ran told her to act her age she died
Yukari's so old, she owes Jesus three dollars
Yukari's so old, her social security number is 1
Yukari's so old, she walked into Rinnosuke's antique store and he kept her

Why did Yuugi go out looking for bread and peanuts?

Because with Parsee around, there's never a shortage of jelly!

giant leap for mankind, small step for Komachi.

>>9583753
This is so great in so many ways

>>9583869
pppfffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttaahahahaha

Yo momma's so fat, even Momiji can't see ALL of her.

>>9583910
I still don't get it. Does it have to do with the japanese meaning of "suke?"

What did Byakuren say when she was asked about her career?
It's been one Emotional Scyscraper

What are sanae's ten desires?

>>9583923
1 - To be pure
2 - To reject the perverse
3 - To smile every day
4 - To be selfless
5 - To show others the path of rightousness
6 - To demonstrate that lewdness is a disease
7 - To free /jp/sies from the slavery of sexual urges
8 - To erase misery
9 - To find dreams anywhere she goes
10 - For the whole world to be happy

and now, back to the jokes.

Reimu saved a drowning family of youkai

as a jpeg

How does Yukari make sure her shikigami remains obedient and well-behaved?

The old-fashioned way!

>>9583920
1. ryu-no-suke = Rio no assistance
2. The implication of Ryunosuke helping her
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Train_Robbery_%281963%29#Ronnie_Biggs

What does Ray-moo do?

she grazes

>>9583931
I would think she'd use a file format that respected her rights.

Yukari once wrecked a game store over a game the clerk said would be great for her. What was that game?

The Elder Scrolls!

Ok, no more Yukari is old jokes, time to think up something else.

>>9583944

>>9583949
Yeah, they're getting a little OLD, don'tya think?

>>9583931
>>9583922
>>9583906
>>9583895
>>9583869
>>9583815
>>9583727
>>9583703
>>9583673
>>9583584
>>9583565
>>9583537
>>9583533
>>9583529
>>9583493
Please stop /jp/ I'm laughing too hard.

Why did Yuyuko download a copy of Photoshop?

She's a software pirate.

> Extremely bad touhou jokes thread


b-but all of these jokes are good!

>>9583869

OH SHIT

Why did Yukari cross the road?

she needed to get to the gap on the other side

Where does Yukari get her clothes?

Gap

Why does Yukari hate mexicans?

They cross the border illegally

Which Touhou 12 character would UFOq?

In a certain map in a certain FPS that Iku plays, there's a sunken bowl in the middle that serves no strategic purpose. However, instead of making intelligent tactical decisions, everyone just heads to the dish and spends all their time killing each other instead. But, when I say killing each other, it's mostly just Iku killing everyone else, since she's on another level entirely. Dethroning the "demon of the dish" is everyone's aspiration, though, since she's not bad mannered at all, everyone respects her as well.

In the end, nobody was able to surpass her, and she passed into gaming history as the Refined Daemon of the Fragging Dish

We haven't seen Komachi around for a while, do you know where she might be?

Shikieiki caught her slacking off again, so she lectured her into next month!

Rumia walks into a bar.

She couldn't see it because she was enveloped in darkness

So why did the Soviet Union break apart?

Yukari decided to change the curtain.

>>9583977
mfw murikahns clap when they make jokes

Reimu, Marisa and Sanae were out hunting for youkai. It was getting late, and the heroines were getting tired. Somehow, they had succeeded to get lost within the outern fields of Gensokyo. One could almost say that they were whithin the boundary. After a few hours of being hopelessly lost, they suddenly bumped into an old, strong youkai. It was Yukari.
"You three have come deep into my terrain", the reality warper explained, "and I have a challenge for you. Will you succeed, I will guide you out. Will you fail, you will be trapped into my mansion. Will you take it, or are you going to keep on trying to get out by yourselves?"
After a few moments of pondering, the three humans agreed on the challenge. They were required to pick a rescourse found whithin Gensokyo and stuff ten of those into their mouths. They could pick any item to their liking, Yukari would retrieve it for them.
Reimu was first. She picked money, copper coins. It was going very well for her until at the seventh coin she accidentally swallowed one and had to gag - vomiting the items from her mouth.
Marisa was up next. She decided to pick then pearls from a necklace she had - borrowed - from someone. It was an easy task and Marisa was about to win, until she started laughing her ass off, spitting the items from her mouth.
"What the fuck, Marisa", asked Reimu, "you could easily have done that. Why did you fail?"
"It was going very well", the magician answered, "until I started laughing when I saw Sanae gathering ten men around her."

a clumsy sparrow nearly ran you over with a car, but she mystia and nobody was hurt.

Why does everyone think Reimu is a crossdresser?

Everyone gets killed by her balls

What did Reimu show to Sanae to impress her?

Her balls

What's the difference between a mosquito and Sanae?

>>9583995
I knew where this one was going.

Why did Madotsuki cross the road?

She was hoping a bus would hit her lol xD

>>9584007
Everything but the ability to fly!

>>9584007
Something about sucking, I am sure.

Like a mosquito will stop sucking when they are full.

>>9584007
None! Because they both suck! xD

what's Eientei's favorite cereal?

Reisen Brand

How many Flandres do you need to change a lightbulb?

Flans arent sentient beings

Yukari walks into a bar.

There is no counter

Okuu takes a field trip to Nagasaki

Once, Patchouly asked Alice, Satori and Suika:
-Would you want to spend the next 100 years in completely the same state you are when a certain moment arrives?
Alice though about it:
-Sure, everything's going great for me 24/7, I've got no objections.
Satori took a moment:
-I'm always comfortable, surrounded by my beloved pets, it would be great.
Suika though, and though and then:
-NO WAY! What if that moment comes in the morning before I had a chance to get drunk?!

Translated and adapted joke, yeah it's bad

What's Okuu while doing nothing?

Nuclear waste

What did Einstein say when he had an offspring?

Oh my god what have I done?

Since we're having this thread, might as well post this:

http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

It's not Touhou-related, but it's a nice read if you're bored.

Remilia Scarlet and Sakuya Izayoi go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine/blood for the lady, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Remilia wakes up and nudges her faithful servant. “Sakuya, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Remilia ojou-sama” replies Sakuya.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Sakuya ponders for a minute. “Well,

-Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

-Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

-Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

-Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

But what does it tell you, Ojou-sama?”

Remilia is silent for a moment.

“Sakuya, you idiot!” she says. “Marisa has stolen our tent!”

>>9584051
When I saw this joke I thought of Merry and Renko.

Although you'd have to change the punchline.

What is it called when Marisa, Alice and Patchouli go drinking together?
Magus Night

>>9584051

Visiting people.

Sanae goes with her dignity.
Momiji - with Aya.
Marisa - with an empty sack.
Reimu - with cookies.

After the visit.

Sanae leaves with her dignity.
Momiji - without Aya.
Marisa - with a shiner.
Reimu - with cookies.

Thoughs on the visit.

Sanae - "I hope I haven't lost my dignity"
Momiji - "That damned crow ditched me again"
Marisa - "So what if I got hit, at least I got the goods"
Reimu - "I wonder who else should I visit..."

Keine was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. She said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, fairy student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, Keine glared at Cirno, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.

What was the SDM called before the humans who lived there were driven off?

/jp/ mansion

Which charity group does Yumemi support?
The Red Cross


I am running out of jokes and getting sleepy. Thanks for the thread.

What is Yoshika's favorite video game console?

The Seiga Dreamcast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>9584120
I thought that was Yuyuko's!

archive this shit please

What is Sanae's favorite food?

dick LOL

What do competitive WoW players have in common with Flandre?
They are all basement-dwellers

What did Cirno say to Reimu after making a huge pile of snow on her shrines yard?

"Did you get my drift?"

>>9584044
I read all of that years ago.

What is >>9584135's favorite food?

dick LOL

I love you /jp/, your autism makes the best jokes.

Why did Reisen have a bad day?

Somebody pulled a TEWIble prank on her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>9584100
OH SNAP!!!!

Knock, knock

And 9 months later Sanae gave birth, again.

What did Kanako give to Suwako when they went to sleep?

A goodnight hiss

How do you cure Mystia when she is sick?

You give her tweetment

WHAT WAS SUWAKO'S FAVORITE 1980'S VIDEO GAME

FROGGER LOL

>>9584100
But girls don't masturbate.

Why can't Satori watch her TV shows anymore?

Because Koishi lost the last remote.

What happened when Chen ate wool?

She had mittens

Hatate wondered what that speck on the horizon was.

And then Aya hit her.

>>9584179

Took me like a second to get it, but it made me smile.

Why did Reimu go to see Eirin?

She ate a Bad Apple.

How much cum can Kisume hold?

buckets

Yuugi, Kasen and Suika found themselves near an Oasis in a desert somewhere. After some searching, they found a lamp, and what do you know, it's a genie lamp.

Naturally, they make a wish.

Yuugi: "A barrel of sake and take me back to Gensokyo"
Kasen: "A barrel of sake and bring me to Gensokyo please"
Suika: "Heh, lightweights...a truck of sake...and bring the company back, too!"

What did Aya say to Nazrin when she took her picture?

Cheese

What is Unzan's favorite music?

UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ

Why did Momiji chase the Prismrivers away?
They were noising around.

If Kisume had two sisters, what would they be?

The Three Bucketeers!

What happened when Aya realized the lightning wasn't sufficient enough for one of her pictures?
A flash-back!

What is Hatate's best friend?

Google

What do you say before facing the boss of stage 5 in UFO?

It's Shou time.

Who did Aya say attacked her?
A lively drunk and a vision of death

Why did Komachi cry for a while after being lectured?

Because Eiki's new lecture was quite the pun-nishment.

The other day I was seriously constipated. My guts were about to explode and I though I was going to die. I gathered a Mountain of Faith and went to the bathroom. I pushed hard but nothing happened, my stomach started aching and I was scared. Focusing my Immaterial and Missing Power I pushed so hard my face turned so red I looked like the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil, my anus opened like the gates of hell and an Undefined Fantastic Object came out so hard blood splashed everywhere like a Perfect Cherry Blossom. The shit pierced through the floor and smashed the underground so hard it caused Subterranean Animism. It was so painful that since that day my Ten Desires to Santa every year are to never again experience a constipation like the one I had at that Imperishable Night.

>>9584383
I bet you clapped after that.

>>9584383
PfffffffftftftftftftfffHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh god I should not be laughing this hard

>>9584383

>>9584383
your ass must have made quite a Scarlet Weather Rhapsody during your session

What did Lunasa Prismriver get after playing the violin for ten hours straight?
Minstrel cramps.

What would Aya post if she saw this thread?

doublespoiler

Not bad /jp/, not bad at all.

>>9584431

Meta as fuck, dude.

"Aya, if you were locked into a duel with a person who draws faster than you, what would you do?"

"I guess I would Shoot the Bullet"

>>9584531

That doesn't even make any sense, aside from it being the title of the one of the games. Aya doesn't even shoot bullets in StB.

>>9584097
>>9584295
I don't get these.

>>9584547
Yes she does

>>9584562

The camera does not count as a bullet.

Why did a blindfolded Reisen end up crashing into the ground?

Kaguya kept yelling something about altitude, but she couldn't figure what she had to do with it.

>>9584570
“I can't take it easy and enjoy a joke”
                －Anonymous, unfunny person, 2012

>>9584570
>>9584547

Well do you know those western movies where two cowboys duel to the death and the one who draws faster wins since the other guy just gets hit by the bullet? Well the pun was that the game is called shoot the bullet, but you can also literally shoot the bullet.

So you don't get hurt.

>>9584582
I don't get this one. Maybe I should go to sleep

>>9584667

I didn't get it either, but I also need to sleep.

Tenshi and Cirno have started their career as a comedy duo. They call themselves Stone Cold.

>>9583537
The only funny one

What is a touhou's favorite fetish?

Zettai Ryoukai

Well done /jp/. Thanks for the laff.

>>9585341
I'm glad we could make you proud

bump

One day Cirno paid a visit to the Scarlet Devil Mansion.
"Yo, Chuugoku!" She called.
"Don't call me that!" Said the gate guard.
"Ok, Shina!"
And that was the last anyone heard of Cirno.

BONUS:
What's Suwako's favorite glam rock band?
Froghat

>>9583906
HO GOD!

Nue was driving along, when suddenly she turned into a driveway.

What do you call a mouse youkai with aspergers?

Asprin

Why didn't Mima show up in TH13?
She didn't have a ghost of a chance

Sakuya was playing her clarinet one day for Remilia. Unfortunately she always had trouble with playing certain notes that day. When Sakuya asked her mistress why that might be she replied:

"Looks like you need new pads."

What's Suika's favorite food?

Macaroni

>>9583931

aaaa ahahahahahahahah fuck

What do you call a harvest goddess playing Reversi?

Minori-go Aki

HUE HUE HUE HUE

What did the Italian persan say when he heard of Yoshika?

It's a miyako!

How do you ask to go to the washroom when you are in the Moriya Shrine?

Kanako to the washroom?

>>9583945
such as? No seriously I want to know. Wouldn't want to disrespect our lord and savior rms

>>9584383
shittiest joke in the thread

how powerful is yuugi?

she's ogre the charts

What does Yugi tell guests she doesn't want?

"Go Ooe"

Why did Yuugi get fired from her job?

She was never oni time

What's Yoshika's nickname for post-mortem erection?

Rigid Paradise

What did /jp/ say to Yuugi when he confessed to her?

You're the oni one for me.

It's all a misnomer.
China is fragile.

When Youmu needs to go potty Youmusn't look.

>>9586797
I'm sure she wouldn't myond
fuck that was bad

>>9586732

Lady Yukari hates Indian people.
She always hangs out of her gaps and scream "Yukari Muchers!"

Some people say Mokou is gay.

But in reality she is just livin' la vida' mokou.

Care to join me for a cup of Tewi?

You want to pat the Okuu?

Okuurse you can!

When you go to cuba.
Yuyuko do the samba!

How come Sakuya always tried to avoid her father?

He never put on Diodorant

Nitori was once hit on the head by a falling engine block.
We call her Nitwit now.

Hear no evil

Speak no evil

Cirno evil

Alice can never go to wonderland, as wherever she goes the "wonder" is sucked right out of it.

Little cat, little cat let me come in!

Not by the hair on my chenny chen chen!

I recently started work, now I'm always running Eirins.

How was Moukou able to resolve Keine's lawsuit so quickly and skillfully?

She was Possessed By Phoenix

Kogasa managed to get a book published,
They sold so surprisingly well they made an entire kogasaga out of it.

Can Satori read your mind?
Of Koishi can!

When I see a sight like this.

My blood pressure just keeps reisen higher and higher!

Why does Eirin always have her cellphone turned off?


Because Kaguya was always calling her going "EIRIN MY FRIEND! LET US GO BUDDHA'S STONE BOWLING!"

Once you put it in sanae you will go absolutely insanae from the pleasure.

>>9583679
sup LL?

Why did Aya go to mcdonalds?

Because she loves fast food!

>>9586884
What is Kaguya's favourite brand of cereal?

Reisen bran!

>>9586917
I prefer Reisens over Currants.

>>9586884
Now that's what I call a quite Visible Full Moon

What was Chen's excuse for gassing an entire village full of people to death?

mee-oh~~

>>9586881
>>9586865
>>9586848
>>9586825
>>9586822
>>9586464

funny pun award

>>9586975
not assuming anything, but I smell samefagging

What is Tenshi's favorite alcoholic drink?

Rolling Rock

>>9586990
jealous punk

your joke wasn't funny

>>9586876
>surprisingly well
>kogasaga
Two jokes in one post. Neat

Collected some of them. If you come up with more, or have ideas for extra jokes to add, just post and I'll do that.

http://pastebin.com/4SzNWyL3

>>9587270
>They both have a Japanize Dream
>Japanize
Commit sudoku.

>>9584582
I was going for Reisen = raise there, as in 'raise the altitude!'
oh well

Yamame's so fat that even Parsee ain't jealous.

Letty's so fat that when Cirno said it was chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon.

>>9587270
You didn't add >>9583469? Did you not get the joke or something? It's a wonderful double entendre.

>>9587651
>on the other side.

I'm an idiot. Adding it.

Why is it so common in Gensokyo to accuse your lover of cheating on you with Iku?

They call out her name during sex.

>>9587623

>>9587651
ahahahaha I didn't get it the first time

What do you call a legendary Xian immortal who runs a crime family?

Don Ma Ku

...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maku

>>9588005
I still don't get it...

>>9588321

Other side - other side of the road / the afterlife

They are both ghosts (well, half in youmu's case) who live in the netherworld. I did a double take when I first read it.

Now the joke is dead and buried.

>>9587283

>[quoting Japanize]
>[implying there is something wrong with this]

What are you a secondary?

Eientei started selling baked goods. Their speciality is Reisen bread.

>>9586965
Jesus what a fucking horrible joke I must have been tired as hell...

Here's a better version: (Higurashi spoilers btw)

What do you call Chen after she gasses an entire village full of people to death?

Meow Takano

Why did Satori Airline go bankrupt?

Everyone panic when Okuu asked "Would you like a can, Sir?"

Here is my contribution

Why did Reimu get mad about Marisa's typesetting?

Because she used em-dashes instead of semikolons

Cirno was flying over the lake one day, when suddenly, she was swallowed for a giant frog.

...Did you like this joke?

... Neither Cirno.

>>9592325
>by a giant frog

I'm already sleepy now.

>>9592341
Cir up man it wasn't that bad

>>9592325
are you from 2channel

>>9592356
iie

>>9592361
でもあんたの英語は絶対下手です。

bump

What does Rumia give to /jp/ on valentines day?

Dark chocolate

>>9592356
No. Why did you think that?


Here's another one:
Keine said: Mokou, stop playing with fire...And Fire played alone since then.

is bump