/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Stopped caring a long time ago. And I'm not around people anyway.

Feel pretty good since I'm not a NEET or hikikomori.

I feel a little ashamed when someone talks about my unemployment or when someone asks me what do I do all day..

I don't feel particularly sad but not happy either. I'm just living my life.

I feel like having to talk to other people is a burden and not something fun.

I am happier when I'm alone.

I feel no shame or anything like that. I'm just following my dreams and doing what I love to do, that just happens to be staying inside and enjoying my hobbies.

Every day is bliss and it has been like this for five years now. My only worries are what I'll do when my mother dies or abandons me and I have to go out into the world. I try not to think about it, but if I let myself think about it then I get very scared and upset.

Talking to regular people and going outside is kinda similar to torture. My brain aches and I feel exhausted after doing simple social things like talking to the pizza delivery person. The idea of having a job and seeing people every single day is so scary that I can barely handle thinking about it. I've lived a great life until now, but there's always that looming realization that soon I'll have to spend every day of my life in endless torture.

I just wish there were actual jobs I could do online.

>>8856242
If you have the right skills you can do stuff on here pretty easily.
www.elance.com

>>8856242
There are, but you'll need to invest time in developing the necessary skills (programming) and you'll still need to communicate with clients but at least it's from the comfort of your own home.

>>8856263
There is also graphic design, translation, remote system admining off the top of my head. And pretty much anything that can be shared as a computer file.

>>8856263
>>8856252

>(programming)

I think I could learn that stuff. I have a lot of free time now that I'm pretty much satisfied with my progress in learning Japanese.

What kind of socialization is needed for that? The whole communicating with clients thing. Do they just tell me what to do in an email or something, I do it, and then they pay me or do we actually have to talk on the phone and have conversations?

>How do you actually feel about your NEET/Hikkikomori lifestyle?

I don't have the resources or the luck to be a NEET, about the hikki tendencies, well, sometimes isolation hurts and when you spend days without mumbling a miserable word or just think about being totally alone the pain starts to feel "physical," it's something asphyxiating and overwhelming, hard to describe. Sometimes I feel bad about it but most of the time I'm ok and I act like a normal person to avoid any possible drama, is not like someone cared but just in case.

>>8856274
I'd imagine it depends on the client, but at my old company we communicated with programmers via Skype, email and basecamp.

>>8856278

>sometimes isolation hurts and when you spend days without mumbling a miserable word or just think about being totally alone the pain starts to feel "physical,"

Am I the only one who doesn't experience this at all?

I actually feel physical pain from being around others for an extended period of time. I once briefly dated a girl, this was only an online relationship as well, and I felt like I had a fever every day after about a week of it. My forehead felt like it was melting, my entire body ached, and all I wanted to do was sleep so I wouldn't have to think about how stressful it all was.

I feel the same thing with IMing based friendships in MMOs or over the internet, but to a slightly lesser degree. While I've never had one, I can't even imagine how painful a real world relationship must be. I just don't feel healthy unless I'm isolated.

My current lifestyle is due to both medical issues, and not having enough funding to handle them.
I'd much rather be in college, or working in a nice peaceful bookkeeping job, but instead I'm forced to live inside all day with my damn mom while waiting to get some goverment disability, and maybe if I'm lucky a shitty apartment by myself.

Quite frankly it fucking sucks, and I get horribly depressed when I lay in bed, and night and think about my entire life wasting away because I got fucked over biologically.

Oh well, at least I have 4chan.

>>8856367
No, you're not the only one.

I usually feel tired when I'm with people, and once I'm alone, I can't help but think I acted like a stupid guy when I was with those people. I start analyzing all of my actions and think "God, I looked so stupid. I wonder if they laugh at me when I'm not around...".

I feel calm and in peace when I'm alone, since no one is watching me. When I'm surrounded by people, I just think that every single of their actions are related to my behavior.

I'm about to get kicked out of grad school (EE). I havent done any work in months. I'm just waiting to be officailly kicked out. Then i'll move back in with my mother and become a true neet.

>>8856389

>I'm forced to live inside all day with my damn mom while waiting to get some goverment disability, and maybe if I'm lucky a shitty apartment by myself.

What better life could you possibly ask for?

Think about it. You have access to the internet and that's a near unlimited fountain of knowledge. You could learn anything you ever wanted to learn. The time of needing to go to college to be a scholar is long passed. Everything you could ever want to learn about is on a computer and everything you could ever want to experience is within your mind.

Really contemplate that last bit for a second. The mind is such a powerful and extremely underutilized aspect of our bodies. You could be exploring space or experiencing anything you want in a lucid dream, diving to the depths mind with deep meditation, or trying more experimental and unknown things like creating fully developed imaginary friends that you can communicate with. The possibilities are truly endless.

All you need in life is a computer and a place to rest. Everything you need to learn is on the internet and everything you want to do is in your mind.

It's only a problem when I have to walk to the store. I try to avoid paths where there's other people and if someone comes along I need to walk a whole other path.
In a store I can hardly go into an isle without freaking out and it has to be empty for me to go in it. I probably look like a thief.
Something about being seen by people is really scary to me, they probably think I look horrible and I can only imagine the negative thoughts they have about me and how they'll gossip about me to other people.

>>8856481
you make some good points anon

>>8856242
>My only worries are what I'll do when my mother dies
I know how that feels, the thought of waking up with her dead is just horrifying.

Why is it that social interactions tires you so much, /jp/? Do you even know the reason?

I don't, and I hate it.

I am actually NEET at the moment. Partly due to economy, partly due to medical reasons, actually recovering from being very ill at the moment.

I get out a fair bit but lately I've been in more of a slump. Most people are pretty rotten a lot of people I've known have turned out to be scumbags. It's led to a bit of a slump that would make it even harder for me to hold down a decent job.

I don't like it. While the idea of a typical full time desk job turns me off, I'd like some part time work at least or something to get me out meeting people more, as rotten as people can be. I tend to need mountains of time to get things done for whatever reason though so this free time is an advantage.

I do stuff though, I'm productive. Making music and going to get back into doing more radtouhoucomic, VNs and stuff.

Also, upstairs can be obnoxiously loud all weekend which destroys my sleeping pattern for the rest of the week. No way could I hold down a 9-5 job.

>>8856550
Well, since we're socially retarded, we have to use more resources to get shit working.

>>8856550
Broadly, it's the same reason math tires some people out. They're not naturally good at it, so when they grind their math proficiency they measure their success by their growth rate in subjects they ARE good at. Naturally, it's frustrating.

I was a NEET for 6 months but went back to college a month ago. I know my parents won't let me leech of them and I won't be getting any sort of welfare, so I have to study and later, get a job. Fortunately I have it easier than many of you guys, I can talk to people (and I'm not even bad at it), I just hate doing it (and hate people).

When I get enough money, I'm making a little cafe hidden somewhere that gives me enough money to survive where I can spend my days reading books and taking it easy. I may hire a couple of maids, too.

>>8856606
Will your maids wear the uniforms?

>>8856606
>I'll make a cafe
I'd love to do that. Actually, any kind of small restaurant or calm place to eat/drink would be my perfect place/job.

Restaurants nowadays are way too noisy and filled with tons of people. I don't really have to talk to people if I'm the one funding the place, right?

>>8856619
>>8856606
I think a better idea for you guys would be a high class bar, like the one in Bartender. Quiet, expensive drink for distinguished customers.

>>8856636
Yeah, but that would require a lot more money, which means extra work and time before actually doing it. Plus, I don't really see any "distinguished people" in my city, so I'd have to move out.

Still a good idea, though.

>>8856636
I like drinking, and I even like drinking with other people, but I cannot fucking stand the loud music in bars. It's fucking disgusting.

I wouldn't mind owning a small, classy bar with quiet classical music always playing on the phonograph.

>>8856619
That's exactly what I have in mind, a lax place where people may come in, order a coffee and drink it while reading a book or a newspaper and leave a while later. It wouldn't be a popular place that makes big winnings, but that's for best if it keeps it quiet.

>>8856620
What was the point of mentioning maids if I wouldn't make them wear them? I would probably just hire one though, I don't expect getting too many clients.

>>8856664
Even better. Quiet classical music always playing on the phonograph and one or two weekly artists, playing calm songs. You know, unplugged stuff. You just need people to sing there and a piano. They can bring their own guitars if they want to.

My lifestyle is alright. I feel horrible around other people, but luckily I only go outside maybe once a year so I rarely encounter them.

>>8856680
I play the piano, actually. I can simply hire myself to play a couple times a week.

I don't understand how anyone can live with their parents, without a job.

I hate my shitty fucking job. I'm 27 but I live in my parents' basement and they buy pretty much everything for me. But if I ever quit my job, I know they'd flip out and just keep bugging me until I got a new one.

But the stress of being around people all day is getting to be overwhelming. I used to be able to listen to music to calm me down, but it's not working so well anymore. I literally jump when anyone talks to me, and holding eye contact for more than a second is just impossible.

I just want to be a hikkikomori... but I can't.

>>8856745
Do your parents collect rent from you or any other money? If they purchase everything for you then just quit your job and pretend to go to it but go somewhere else.

>>8856771
> just quit your job and pretend to go to it but go somewhere else.

I did this for community college last semester. Shit was boring, but nice.

>>8856830
I did that as a teenager. When my parents bugged me about going out and having a social life, I just left the house and went somewhere to read a book.

>>8856830
i've done this more than once before dropping out, but it always made me feel guilty as fuck and miserable.

I simply prefer being alone and not doing anything besides taking it easy. That's it. For every day I can do what I want, I am the happiest man alive. Sure, occasionally I'll have to interact with people. I don't know why so many of you guys have a hard time with it.

>>8856550

I used to think it was a mixture of paranoia and social anxiety, but I've had the chance to experiment with sedatives recently and those completely eliminate both the paranoia and the anxiety.

The interesting thing though is that I still hate socializing. I actually may dislike it even more than I do when I'm not medicated. My anxiety is replaced with apathy and my paranoia is replaced with a general annoyance. I don't care about what they have to say and the way they speak, just the sound of their voice, the weird things they do with their hands when they talk, and all of those things are just annoying.

I never realized how distasteful socialization was until I had a chance to see it from that uninhibited perspective.

>>8856278
all my shames

I don't feel like a full fledged adult at all even though I'm 24.

Hate it.

Capable of so much more.

Every time I go out anywhere the only thing I can think is: "I wish I were at home".

I could get used to it, I guess.

If it ever becomes too unbearable, or financially unsustainable, i'll just kill myself.

>>8858341
I'm 24 too and I have a job and my own place, I'm even going bald, but I still don't feel like an adult. Or even a "proper member of society". So don't worry.

>>8858432
Same here, but it's not because I'm terrible at being around people. I just want to sit in front of the internet all day until something happens.

>>8858341

Wait a couple more years. I'm 28 and I've only recently realized how old I am, even compared to college kids.

Not a NEET anymore; last week I started a 1-year tech course. From my point of view, installing servers and doing network support is the same as cleaning shit from sidewalks, but after two years I think I need to do something to justify my free food, housing and internet.
In the first class we had, the teacher asked us to say something about ourselves. I thought I had my anxiety under control, but with that heart rate I can hardly say I got over it. I should also have that heart murmur checked.
I definitely felt something akin to shame. Some of my classmates were already working in IT, and most had work experience of some kind.
And sadly, I know this year will be as worthless as the ones before. A technician certification is useless if what you want is taking it easy, and the people in my class look as normal and mentally healthy as you can get, so there is no way I could associate with them. No cute and socially awkward girls too, of course, but that's not a surprise.
>>8856194
>Hikkikomori

>>8858541
CCNA? Subnets, ACLs, routers, routing protocols, switches, VLANs oh boy what fun! Please enjoy your course, it's great. And don't forget- all the answers are online. I cheated through all of the tests, even the finals. I'm not stupid though, I learned a ton and I'm easily one of the smartest in my class.

I don't have a job nor has that course helped me obtain one, though I mostly blame the area where I live. It's got no jobs for network techs. So now I'm just a shitty NEET whining about no jobs and being all depressed that I chose the wrong college course, and also have no more money to take another.

Guess nothing came from that. I thought my life was finally going somewhere. That was a year ago. I'm just a stupid, useless, money wasting asshole who needs to die. I'm not smart after all.

>>8858579
It's not actually a Cisco certification, but an all-around course that also includes web-app development, databases, and whatnot.
I'm a bit scared because when I see all those enthusiastic people, I can't help but imagine I'll drag them down. The worst thing about teamwork: you can't just be a piece of shit on your own, you are made to smear some of that shit on others.