/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Gut a console tv. Hide safe in tv. Put in basement under stairs. Throw some vcrs and crt monitors and 486s in there with it.

bury it?

If you have a crawlspace, you could hide it under there somewhere. Go the old-time route an bury a "treasure box" under there, or even get really elaborate and put them in junction boxes with fake conduit. Or get drain pipe with diameter large enough to fit the coins in and make it look like it's an actual drain pipe.

If you don't have a crawlspace you could hide them in a similar manner in your attic. Or you could remove a section of drywall, hide them in there, and patch the drywall back up. The best place to do this would probably be a closet, unless you think a thief would pay special attention to such an area.

The only thing is you would not be able to access them easily, and there is the off-chance of some tradesman finding them if you ever hire one. But other than that they would be hidden pretty well.

add some jelly (a dark colored one) to the jars, mix well, apply lid and a hand-written label identifying it as "Nana's Berry Mix". Stack in the back of the pantry, ideally a shelf at knee height but not on the floor.

Send the thousands not spent on jelly and paper to me.

>or..
>I have 8 jars of drugs I want to hide in my house.
>The jars are 5 inches around, 10 inches tall. I don't trust the banks, and a safe is too obvious to police.

Launch into deep space.

>>8682619
>>8682632
OP, what would help us a lot in answering your question would be knowing what type of house you have. Is it a house or an apartment? Do you share the house with anyone or do you have full control over it? Do you have a solid slab or crawlspace or basement?

>>8682621
I like this and will add it to my list of potentials.

>>8682622
I might need to access the coins once every 30-60 days to sell some.

>>8682627
I like this idea and will add it to my list of potentials. Might need to insulate gold from jelly too. I'll have to research possible harm.

>>8682635
I have complete control over my house. I have a 3/4 basement and a completely sealed attic. 3 stories, seperate garage (2 stories) and "double lot" yard that is completely fenced in, but neighbors on either side are on a higher vantage point and can see into my yard easily.

If you have a garage, buy several bags of manure fertilizer and place a jar or two well inside each bag .... nobody in their right mind is going to stick there hands into a bag of dry shit hoping to find treasure.

I like obvious-in-the-open ideas, nobody every thinks to look. They're going to check the book shelf, the dresser, closets, etc. Who the fuck checks paint cans, christmas decorations, or packing supplies?
empty paint cans, by the way

there are a million and a half acceptable hiding places in a house, even given the extreme circumstance that you may be away from the house for enough time for burglars to take a part most things in your house

but seriously, how much are these coins worth to be this paranoid? just throw the jars on your roof or something..

dig a fucking hole in your back yard

>>8682647
Didn't expect the thread to last this long.
The value of the coins isn't entirely based on them being gold, it's the collector's value. The coins spread from a few hundred to several grand each. I'm not sure how much the total would be. I don't want to sell it all right away. I just want to keep it safe until I know what to do.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

why do you have jars of gold coins? are you a fucking leprechaun?

>>8682660
One of the first places an experienced burglar would look.

Hide it in your vents.

Unscrew the vent cover, and place the jars in the duct, far enough in that is isn't visible from the floor.

>>8682660
gotto love Breaking Bad

>>8682667
I don't watch that show, so I'm in the dark about the reference.

melt coins
mold crown
never take crown off
never have to worry

>>8682657
Knowing the userbase of /jp/, that wouldn't surprise me. This board is where those forgotten by society gather, like some sort of online Gensokyo. I bet we even have gentlemen of the Fair Folk here, complaining about how easy it was to kidnap little girls some 700 years ago.

>>8682667
The first thing that came to mind for me was No Country for Old Men, actually.

>>8682619
>3 safes in my community have been cracked in the past year
Yeah where did you hear that, CNN?

Buy a small Vietnamese child and hide it inside of him.

>>8682647
1 ounce gold coins are going for about $1200 right now. One of OP's jars might hold 50 to 60 such coins.

So that's $576,000 of coins.

Home safes are a no-no for items of this value, of course. If you're any good at home repair, OP, I'd suggest hiding all jars but one in your wall. Knock a hole in a wall, build a shelf between two of your studs for the rest of the jars, and repair the damage.

Hide the remaining jar in a tube TV or something. That way, if the worst happens, you'll probably only lose your TV jar. You should have enough time between jars to avoid tearing and replastering your wall very often.

>>8682680
Right.

>>8682667
Never seen it.
I was referencing the scene in No Country for Old Men where the guy hides the bag of cash in the ducts at the motel.

Five inches around? Like, circumference? That's really skinny for a jar. My penis is a tad bigger than that.

Under stair boards, under anything solid enough to where it doesn't rock or sound hollow, spread them out some so they aren't all in one place, etc.

>>8682673
melt coins
pour the liquid gold all over your head
don't have to worry about the crown being stolen

Holy shit how the fuck do you have 8 jars of gold coins?

You just bought a bunch of those $20 gold plated 'commemorative coins' from an infomercial, didn't you?

>>8682619
>I've been thinking about buying a large fish tank to hide them in

Most aquarium decorations are hollowed out. So buy something big enough and hide coins inside, without a jar or anything. Gold doesn't rust or anything and is safe for fish and water.

>>8682681
No, my neighbor told me. He set up a shrine of me in the other neighbor's shed. I hope my dad doesn't find out about the rats.

>>8682697
You can also get poisonous fish to act as guards.

>>8682695
>He set up a shrine of me

Am I reading this right? Did I miss something?

I have a large newel post at the top and bottom of my staircase, using a large spade bit and an extender I drilled out a nice deep hidey hole then made a small screw hole to keep the post top on which I then filled with putty and painted over a couple of weeks later, I've got a sizable stash in those things now.

>>8682700
Do you really want op to come here asking where should one hide bodies?

>>8682700
>giant fucking aquarium
>decoration filled with gold at the bottom
>decoration covered in something sharp, like broken glass that will slice your hand open on contact
>piranhas in the tank

Bulletproof.

Buy a large plant. A BIG plant, with a BIG pot.

Hide your coins in bags at the bottom of the pot.

Who steals houseplants? No one, that's who. The worst case scenario would be a thief knocking it over to get at something and finding your coins in the debris, but you can probably avoid this by putting the plant somewhere it's not in the way of anything.

>>8682716
Oh, I thought of another one. This is really good.

A false bottom cat litter box.

>>8682707
Don't be silly. He'd use the ideas we're giving him in this thread.
>Bury
>Hide in the wall
>Buy a bigger aquarium and more piranha
>Strip naked, coat in gold, place statue in living room

(That last one's my contribution)

Under the base-board of floor-level cabinets, inside walls, hollow out portions of furniture. When I mention these, I mean use more than one, the less in one place the better.

Though, what are you worrying about? Just how high is the chance of a break-in?

Places I think people might not look are the insides of fully wrapped toilet paper rolls, the undersides of shelves, the tops of ceiling fans, sewn inside mattresses, curtains, or kitchen mats, underneath installed kitchen cabinets, or the insides of ice cream, hollowed salami, empty propane tanks, gutted alarm clocks, or textbooks.

But then, if I could think of these, then so could anyone else.

Why not rip up your floors or rip open your walls and shove 'em in there? Make a little treasure map so you won't forget where they are.

Buy more jars and separate the coins so that none of them are near the edges of the jar they are in. Cover all jars with your semen or urine.

Make sure they don't get thrown out, though.

>>8682706
fuck just get a big aquarium with a model pirate ship on the bottom and hide the gold in plain sight.

OP, you're going about this the wrong way. You need to look at this with a more open mind. I'm talking about booby-trapping your house.

Did you ever play Demonophobia? Well, that's your end goal. Somebody gets into your house? They don't leave alive. Sagittal vivisection is my favorite, but feel free to be creative.

Then, you dispose of the body using any of the handy means suggested in this thread. Don't be shy, tell us how it goes!

In this case literally burying your coins will be your best bet.

Don't just go out into your backyard and start digging - mask it with some sort of DIY project that will require you to dig into your backyard.

Otherwise, rent/download Shawshank Redemption and watch the ending, and use the ending as instructions.