/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>chubbier.jpg

Learn programming and post your résumé on /prog/. Hopefully you'll be able to join David O'Toole's project for world domination using Common Lisp.

>>8679225
I've taken to making shit up and lying convincingly.

Big Flan belly a shit

just lie

>>8679236
>>8679237
How do I lie? Should I make up companies or work experience? What if they ask for references?

>>8679232
Common Lisp doesn't dominate anything except all the time you wanted to spend doing shit.

>>8679239

Big belly flan is a miracle of the universe etc.

>>8679241
Give them a friend or family member's phone number and have them fake it.

Slap a slap

>>8679241

it's more about enhancing the truth than lying

just completely exaggerate any small shit you've done that's totally worthless

as long as you can make it sound good, it is good

>>8679254
But I don't have friends and my parents won't do that.
>>8679257
I don't even have that...I just sat in my room like a useless hikki. I just want a job to make my parents proud and make some money for touhou figs.

Depending on where you live, if you walk into the interview wearing tight pants and lipstick, they might be afraid you'll sue for discrimination if they don't hire you.

Just tossing out ideas.

>>8679264

then just make up a bunch of skills and accomplishments

a lot of the time they wont ask for any kind of certificates or anything

"I helped unofficially moderate a small webgroup and opened up many topics for discussion."

>reported
>who is your favourite touhou
>elf slave wat do

See, you can give a good tune to anything you do!

>>8679272
Careful. That is when I, as an interview, would ask for details:

"Well, that shows initiative and leadership. Which webgroup might this have been?"
"... ah... five... chan?"
"Sorry, mister Autist? Could you repeat that please?"
"Fivechan. It was on fivechan."
"Isn't that the one with the 9000 pedophile penises raping children? I saw something on Oprah."
"... no?"

>>8679278
"It's a webgroup that's based on Japanese imageboard technology where we discussed oriental visual arts and media."

>>8679281
That's the smart answer. OP needs to work up to that level. I'm guessing that if OP had an interview tomorrow it'd pretty much go the way I described.

>>8679281
Subsequently, the interviewer searches for "4chan" in Google, then follows the first link.
"Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this?"

Military didn't ask me for a resume. All they wanted was a pulse.

This may be your only option.

>>8679289
Oh now you are being funny.

>>8679288
A pulse, and no history of psychiatric disorder, and no serious trouble with the law, and reasonable physical health, reasonable physical size, and no drug use you'd admit to.

Seven out of eight people who walk into a recruiter's office in the US do not join the military. Actually, a guy trying to get in when I was talking to the recruiter got axed for fucking his sister. The recruiter obviously wasn't supposed to let that slip (especially to me), but he just had to tell somebody, because... damn. Fucking your sister.

So, all of the above, and no sister-fucking.

>>8679301
>no sister-fucking.
Welp,

>>8679301
>no sister-fucking
Damn, not even gonna bother, then.

>>8679278
"It was a small group that got together to discuss foreign cultures and appreciate their artistic output, including music, film and other areas of media. We focused on how cultural differences made these works different from ones we find in our primary culture."

>>8679301
Isn't it illegal to have sex with your sister? I know in Canada you can get up to 14 years. So it would make sense that you obviously can't be recruited if you've had relations with your sister.

Sell drugs and be your own boss.

>>8679301

>Actually, a guy trying to get in when I was talking to the recruiter got axed for fucking his sister.
>fucking his sister.

whyboner.jpg

>>8679301
>fucking his sister
How would that even come up in a conversation

>>8679305
>>8679308
>>8679326
>>8679509

It's illegal if you are caught under the age of consent, and you have to cough that shit up when the recruiter is asking you about your run-ins with the law.

I know that feel. There are not many opportunities for people like us. Military might be your only legal course of action

How would anyone ever even find out you fuck your sister if you both do it consensually?

Volunteer. Spend your free time giving someone else free manpower. In the UK, it's easy enough to stroll into a charity shop and donate your time. Build your CV. Be pleasant. Accept you need to do this shitty step if you truly, honestly, dearly want to build up your resume. If you just want a job without recognizing how bad it is overall and without putting in any effort, the military is always looking for new people to get killed or guard oil.

If neither sound promising to you, that's because they're not meant to be. Those are just some of your very limited options. I know because I'm not far off from where you are right now. But my advice will help after a few months. If you can't or won't out in the effort, then you never really cared much in the first place.

>>8681278
>Spend your free time giving someone else free manpower.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

>>8681286
Again, it's a shitty option for someone that actually wants to improve their CV. If your resume and general outlook is poor, and yet you refuse to go into education that would further career prospects, then volunteering is one of the few routes available. However, if you're too arrogant, incompetent or short-sighted to do even that, then you never cared to try in the first place. It's your choice whether you want to make the effort towards self-improvement or wallow in unemployment. If you cared for the latter, then this topic likely isn't for you.

>>8681301
I get welfare, much better alternative.

But I would never work for someone without get paid for it.

You could probably get a delivery job, such as delivering newspapers in the very early morning.

It is miserable, but it does pay a couple hundred a month after gas depending on how many papers you do.

How mentally disordered do you have to be for the military to deny you?

>>8681301
Fuck off normalfag

>>8681310
You can still get welfare while volunteering. Also, it's an investment of your time to improve your circumstance by building your otherwise non-existent CV. It is not a bad option. Imperfect, unquestionably, but it would show any prospective employers and your parents that you're genuinely attempting to improve. This is again assuming you will not go into education or the military. At any rate, if you created this topic, yet refuse all these options, then this topic is moot. You don't care to make an actual effort in that case and will inevitably turn your nose up at the limited options that others can help you to recognize. Good day, all. I'm out.

Have any of you ever worked at McDonalds? If so how is it?
In the same situation as OP, and its a 10min walk from my house.

>>8681361
I got turned down by McDonalds once. Which I'm fine with, I really didn't want a job anyway. Especially there.

>>8681325
Yeah. Nah. You're a cunt.

Walmart, home depot, every fast food place, and every grocery store does not require a resume. Faggor.

I worked as a volunteer fireman for a while. Was cool. Don't think ir helped me get a job though.

>>8679236
that's what I do for a living, I'm a car salesman.

Ｖｏｌｕｎｔｅｅｒ．　Ｔｅｍｐ／ｅｍｐｌｏｙｍｅｎｔ　ａｇｅｎｃｙ．
　

ｗｗｗｗ　ＣＲＡＺＹ

>>8681343
>You can still get welfare while volunteering.
Actually, I couldn't, because by doing volunteer work, I'd be showing that I am actually capable of doing work, and thus have no right to the welfare I am currently receiving.

Once upon a time all a man had to do was want to work.

Now it's a ton of shitty loops and hurdles, Fuck this world.

>>8681535
Too many people. Not enuf job

reported for chubby belly worst 2hu

>>8681535
Not too long ago, there were people who decided that instead of getting a real job, their job would be deciding if other people could get a job or not.
Those people are called "HR".
They are the scum of the earth. If you see one, please kill it.

>>8681575
I hate HRM with a fiery passion.

>>8681245
No you don't, only an idiot would confess to such a thing.

>>8681535
That's exactly what I told the psychiatrist. His suggestion was to put me through more loops and hurdles to prepare me for the real loops and hurdles.

>>8681578
Don't you dare badmouth Her Royal Majesty!