/jp/ - Otaku Culture

One day I just stopped going to my university classes.

2 years later here I am.

Probably will get a job when I run out of money.

I'd say it was probably the homeschooling.

I've always been shy, but it wasn't this bad until the homeschooling.

As a teenager I initially blamed a very stupid break-up (it was nothing) as a trigger, but looking back I think I was always depressed and wanted to be a recluse. Like in cub scouts I always wished I could just stay at home and be on my computer instead of interacting with real people. I only stuck with school because it was an obligation, and as I moved past compulsory education I slipped and slipped until I started skipping all my university classes and stopped handing in assignments (even the ones I had finished).

Now here I am lurking/shitposting on /jp/ all of my waking hours, too jaded to consume media but too lethargic to do anything else.

I graduated High School.

5 years later, I'm still on /jp/.

[spoiler]Born like this. Even when I was a toddler I was the type to keep to myself.</spoiler>

>Was it due to an innate disorder you were born with or that later surfaced?
Yes, more or less.

>Was it due to your environment such as an abusive/troubled upbringing or a traumatic social experience?
I'm sure my environment played a part, but not as big as the other reason above.

>Ultimately, what do you make of the way you are now?
A phase. I'm going to get better eventually, even if it's going to take some time. I like taking it easy but mostly because I really need it at this time in my life. I might have a disorder, but the "weight" of it depends a lot on my mental health.

>Is it just a case of it couldn't be helped or do you feel a degree of responsibility for 'letting' yourself become this way?
I'm sure I can be blamed in one way or another, but I try to focus on learning from my mistakes and moving on.

I got psriousis and had to stop going to college for awhile due to shit growing on my face, shut my self from everyone, now that I'm better still don't feel like hanging with old friends and doing shit, only thing I miss about my normal days is smoking weed.

After awhile I just got too crazy to do anything else. So I stayed inside. Maybe I could have worked, but I didn't.

The isolation probably hasn't done anything positive for my mental state. The people I live with kind of abuse me too, which hasn't helped at all. It feels like I'd need to escape here and recover before I could move on. Life's not so convenient though, I have nowhere else to go.</spoiler>

I just don't much care for being around people.

In short meanings;
I took a vacation from high school for some days.
Days became months. Dropped out of school. Now I'm here.

I was just born a loser.

OP here. Thanks for the responses. Second part of the question if I may - what do you guys think would be the best way to 'kickstart' your own way back to society whether it be going back to school or getting a job? For those who simply don't want to reintregrate in the foreseeable future even if given the opportunity, why?

[spoiler]>>8436060
Why should I want to reintegrate? I can do everything I love just fine like this.</spoiler>

One day, I got tired.
Thus, I'm here. Still tired though.

Also, my personality is hard to deal with. I probably have adhd/dyslexia/retardness/whatever and I feel like a foreigner in my own country, and I feel like the life I wanted to live is an impossible dream, I can only live the way people tell me to, so what is the point of pursuing it anyway?
.
You could say that turning into a NEET was my responsability

>>8436060
Here's my tip for anyone who wants to change something about themself, stop being a fucking bitch and just do it.

[spoiler]>>8436077
That's not very good advice.</spoiler>

Since I was bullied in middle school I lost most of my social abilities. Then a bunch of shit did and didn't happen and now I'm here on the verge of being all alone.

>>8436060
I'm actually going back to school in less than a month. Starting with only two lessons a week should be fine. I'm the sort of person who only gets worse sitting at home on my ass in the long run, but even so I need a real slow start because all of my current situation. I'm skeptical towards how school will work out for me considering everything, but I do think it's worth a try.

After a few weeks I should be able to tell how I'm doing. Worst case I could just drop out, since it doesn't cost me any money.

I'm trying to get autism bucks because I have a whole bunch of legit reasons, but I'm having sort of a hard time.

>>8436010

>too jaded to consume media

Thought I was the only one, I mean I have an infinite amount of entertainment just a few clicks away, but I just don't feel like dedicating time to properly getting into anything, even though I know I'd have fun.

>>8436097
I agree with that, more often than not.

>too jaded to consume media
I feel like this a lot too. Books and movies, for example, don't feel very inviting at all. They never really have... even if I do find myself enjoying them sometimes, it takes a lot for me to get to it.

I was pretty normal in highschool until I suddenly got very sick.

I was hospitalized for nearly half the year. None of my friends came to visit me or even ask me how I was. I basically died as soon as I got sick. When I was finally back in normal health I was too afraid to go back, especially since I was a year behind now.

I dropped out and became a shutin. Ever since then I've just been waiting for my health to decline again so I can just pass on already.

>>8436010
>too jaded to consume media but too lethargic to do anything else

I can relate.Sometimes I feel to lethargic to even do shit I like

I was always introverted, I just thought it was wrong so I tried my best to fight it, put up fronts, socialize, and go with the flow. Thus came heavy depression, and as a side effect, my compulsive lying habit.
My family was moderately fucked up, which didn't help matters any, but I don't think it's what made me the way I am - it just made it worse.

Then one day during my first year at university I just didn't go to class on a whim and more or less stayed withdrawn ever since - but I don't see it as a negative thing. If not for that, I'm sure I'd have killed myself by now. Now that I had a long, long time for myself to think and introspect, I managed to find a meaning and worth in life. I even have some life goals. Years spent struggling through life left me damaged, and even some basic things cause me a lot of trouble now, but I believe I can be happy one day.

Not today, not tomorrow, but one day, for sure.

>>8436060

Once you've spent enough time like this any sense of responsibility dries up. You can no longer be arsed to work towards long term goals. Your motivation and sense of reward are gone.

After living like this, there is no going back to being a normal person. When faced with the choice of starving or working, most would rather just kill themselves.

>Abusive single-mother home
>Naturally introverted
>Being extremely short/tiny through elementary and middle school
>Severe acne in highschool
>Not understanding why I should try so hard to assimilate in normalfag culture
>social anxiety
>not pleasant to be around so I never got that helping hand

It's not greentext with the spoilers

>>8436147
Who are you quoting?

I've always been shy and a bit anti social. But once I finished school in 2008 I completly lost the connection to the real world

Graduated college, worked a few years as network admin. Wasn't overly social but had friends.
Got sick one day, ended up in the hospital a couple months. Ended up with chronic pain, wounds that wouldn't and being stuck on my back most of the day.
Years pass, friends get married and move away, pain continues.
No rl friends left, can't be up much more than an hour at a time without lots of pain even with pain meds. Going on 10 years now, I don't really see it getting much better.
I spend time with someone on an instant messenger, read and play games. Not afraid of going out, it just hurts when I do. After a decade of being alone most of the time, I don't really know if I could handle normalcy anymore.

>>8436147
Again, stop greentexting. Adding a disclaimer that you are greentexting or your own, "Who are you quoting?" doesn't make it okay. It's like when people tell an "ironically bad" joke then try to qualify it by saying, "Lol, that was a pretty bad joke xD". It's just obnoxious and you shouldn't do it in the first place.

[spoiler]>>8436161
>insinuating anyone gives a shit</spoiler>

First day second semester 12th grad highschool. decided to skip class that day and hang out with some friends. Day 2 - skipped again with another friend. Day 3 - one more day couldn't hurt. 2 Months later - oh Shit, go to school to see what can be done but before i can make it to the office i get seen by a guidance councilor who was out to get me (told me to drop out every time i saw him and repeatedly gave me classes he knew i didn't want). Principal shows up and escorts me out.

5 years later still here. Although i am -very slowly- working to get the credits i need to apply to university and get an astrophysics degree

I was never bullied or picked on in school and had an alright childhood (no abuse or anything). I am a sadistic sociopath so that is a disorder but it wouldn't lead to this.

>>8436138

>When faced with the choice of starving or working, most would rather just kill themselves.

Yeah, I swear if I had one wish I'd wish I was never born so I'd never have to deal with the bullshit that comes with living. I figure I could pull off suicide if I channel all of my frustration and pain into the single action of killing myself.

>>8436161
I know you're trying hard to fit in but there is really nothing wrong with the "greentexting style." I'd rather scroll through a few greentext stories that condenses the main idea down to several lines than read a fucking book on why I should feel sorry for you.

Eh, I used to be really extroverted, a really outspoken person, but I ended up developing a panic disorder and started having panic attacks that made me feel like I was literally going insane (complete with uncontrollable movement, seizures, and dissociation). I haven't had any recently (thank god!) because I avoid triggers like the fucking plague, but the experiences made me really reclusive. I'm afraid to go out and do anything because I'm afraid it may happen again and I don't know what I would do or how to handle it. So I just stay home now. Thankfully, my doctor has assisted me in getting a government check because it is impossible for me to work because of the severity. In my mind, I know that certain things I did led me to this point, so I guess in some ways it is partly my fault and I'd give anything to be normal, but I gotta play the cards i've been dealt, regardless of how terrible they are.

Also consider http://vip-quality.org/neet/, there's a lot more stories like these!

>>8436171
This sounds fairly familiar.

Where/how do your parents/family fit into your current situation? Are you on good terms with them and are they supportive of you? Have they made any effort to assist you beyond providing food/shelter? Do you see them as essential to your life or perhaps something less positive such as a nuisance or enabler that helped create problems for you?

>>8436192
It's weird. I really liked this board when it was ran by Archduke. Then all of sudden this "Tokiko" information comes out and I'm no longer comfortable posting there.

>>8436218
my dad constantly bitches at me and belittles me. My mom basically just ignores me and makes sure I have food to eat all the time.

Is it wrong think that my dad doesn't know what I'm going through? I've actually tried suicide a few times but woke up every time. They didn't find out at all but they got worried when I was pretty sick.

>>8436172
Sometimes I wonder if an offline meetup would make that a little easier.

>>8436218
My parents are NEET enablers. They don't care about my leeching and they'll never throw me out. I'm really not sure if it's a good or bad thing.

>>8436235
Same here. My mom told me I'm getting her house after she moves out and I may even get the house that I'm in right now.

just take it easy until you approach your life or death situation where you have nobody to rely on but yourself. then you're forced to either accept your fate and rot away or you'll struggle to find a method of self-preservation. if you somehow succeed in the latter, you'll subconsciously confirm that _this is what is necessary to survive_ and it'll be easier to continue doing it.

[spoiler]>>8436218
I'm my mom's only friend and vice versa so it works out pretty well. She'd never kick me out.</spoiler>

>>8436175
There's plenty wrong with it. You're being hypocritical by accusing me of "trying to fit in", because you're trying to appear mature by accepting a very negative change in posting style. /jp/ has rejected greentext for a long time, and it's not just because of Anonymous Jones or whatever the latest FUD is.

>>8436240
>>8436245
Are your parents filthy rich or something?

Enjoy cancer. Enjoy aids.

>>8436231
i think if anybody would be so motivated enough to do an offline meet it would be a suicide meet.

One in which I wouldn't mind attending. Why aren't there any dangerous cults around where I live ;__;

>>8436259
When I think about it, maybe my family is a bit rich. I certainly don't have trouble getting money for things I want and my parents don't seem to have trouble coming up with money for other things.

[spoiler]>>8436261
I agree, and I'm sure there'd actually be a few people willing to go on with it here too. Watching someone from the don't do it brigade take a round to the chest becuase they thought they'd fuck with it would be funny too.

Oh well. Also I'd stay away from cults if I were you, they'd probably do something creepy that takes tons of time to actually kill you.</spoiler>

I can socialize just fine if I have to, i've actually been told I have a very professional and people-friendly voice.
I just hate people and the general public, especially talking to them.

I was fairly popular through high school, but nobody was interesting enough for me to care, around my senior year I just started to get tired of listening to everybody's drama shit and stayed in the library most of the day.

I don't know why people like drama so much. It's like they have nothing interesting about themselves so they have to talk about how ugly someone is or how x girl is a slut because she broke up with some guy or whatever.

[/blog]

I'm an idiot. I was in college.

I did a bunch of stuff. I think at some point I lost hope, because I was in it for a science major, but lab classes held back my performance. I just can't perform in lab classes and it more or less killed my motivation. Well, I was too lazy to do most of the work for many classes, but I still passed them and generally knew more than the other students. But lab classes felt like an impassable barrier. I'm just too slow.

So eventually I found my school life getting more and more muddled. In fact, for the last year, I think I may have even signed up for classes and subconsciously blocked out/"forgot" that I had to go to them. I don't really remember for sure, and it was 3 years ago at most.

So eventually I just decided there was no hope, and since Japanese was easy to me, I'd might as well try and finish mastering it and pass the JLPT1, as Japanese has been very easy for me and it was pretty much my only other option for anything involving an academic skill. Note that I did not make this decision because I feel Japanese is a good choice. I fully expect that even supposing am able to get work with Japanese I'll need a side job, and/or possibly have to live with other people.

Anyways, here I am now about 3 years later with health problems and still haven't taken it. Let's just say there's been a lot of postponing and slacking off, but unless my health gets even worse, I plan on taking it this summer and I will go from there. If I had sat down and actually did 4+ hours of solid study every day, I most likely could have done it the first year(given the level I started taking it seriously at).

Not hikki or NEET here, only because I don't have the means or talent to beat the system, I would if I could. But asocial and misanthropic all the way.

I was extroverted and outspoken in my childhood, but lots of bad stuff happened during my teenage years and early 20s that slowly transformed me into the quiet, asocial, cynical, jaded, angry faggot I am today. Being bullied in middle and high school, living with an alcoholic grandmother, relatives who tried to molest/rape me and not even my parents believed my history, "friends" who've let me down when I needed them the most, and lots of other things not worth mentioning. I don't feel sorry for myself, but I just came to the conclusion that people suck and it's not worth interacting with them unless I absolutely have to. Not /jp/ though ;_;

The final straw was a 3-year job as IT helpdesk. It torn to shreds what little faith I still had in the human race.

So yeah, in my case I see myself as a product of my past experiences and environment.

>>8436315
Go choke on a dick, normal.

This party is not for you.

>>8436224
Tokiko isn't Archduke. That should be obvious to anyone that's chatted with him on IRC.

>>8436319

A combination of childish parents, picked on through middle school, alcohol driven father which ended up in his demise, loss of the little monetary status I had, cystic acne, repeatedly terrible groups of friends, lack of regard for institutionalized education in high school, among a great deal of other things. I was studying on my own time throughout high school rather than participating in class, and it screwed me over for getting into a good college. I tried going to a shit-tier state college for a semester, and I grew apathetic towards the whole thing. My metal health has gown down further and further to the point that it was extremely hard for me to attend in the first place, and I've been having more and more regular 'psychotic' episodes. I have an increasingly time interpreting everyday events (small talk and other basic tasks where I have to interact with the outside world in a social setting), and live in a much more internalized world. I tried to go for a second semester, but between the first and second half of my first day I walked out to my car and sat for awhile. Eventually I turned on the car and that was the end of my college education. Now I just browse 4chan, consume media and study on my own time while leeching off my mother. Its not all that bad not having any friends, social networks or anything like that when I still have my books and 4chan. It's actually kind of a freeing experience to have 0 contacts in my phone.

>>8436349


I feel like I'm in some sort of incubator still given the fact that I haven't fully physically developed (which is around 21-22 for males), do I don't believe I'll be leaving for another year or two unless I'm kicked out. When I do end up living on my own and having to go outside to generate income I'll be trying a variety of different things (which probability says will most likely fail) in order to work without any sort of privatized authority. I've been preparing myself to die for a long time now, so if I do fail in my endeavors it shouldn't be a problem to man up and kill myself.

(sorry for the terrible grammar and needlessly long crybaby bullshit)

I was bullied at school by "friends", and because I'm mentally weak, I just couldn't handle it and I stopped going one day...
Now I'm a recluse with some form of body dysmorphia. All I can think about is how I want to change this and change that, and I've convinced myself that once I look the way I want, I'll magically be happier and be able to live normally. Of course, that's not true, and it kills me. My parents think I'm a shut-in because I'm autistic, and who am I to deny that? I may as well be, but that's not the reason I turned out this way. I guess they tolerate me out of pity or something.

Are the majority of NEET recluses and hikkis out there men? More importantly... why? From the articles I've read it feels like it even though I haven't seen any official stats on this and doubt there are any out there. Any thoughts on this?

>>8437231
Women need affirmation and attention more than men? They need to socialize more?

>>8435989

dealt with a really abusive family all the way through high school. Stopped having future ambitions during my last years and all I wanted to do was get a job and move away. Now I stay in my apartment except for working short shifts that keep me sustained.

to be honest, I never really liked people very much, I always saw the negatives in them. I just want to be able to have my alone time whenever I want it.

>>8437231
there are female hikkis and neets.

I was a hikki for several years during an episode of severe depression, now I'm a neet.

closing this tab so I don't have to deal with the inevitable insults and accusations of attention whoring

>>8439493
Seeing as how you responded 20 hours later just to say "I'M A GIRL", I'd say you are an attention whore.

I met my wife on /jp/, she just had poor family support.
Now she helps me with my work from home.

>>8439501
Yet it was you who bumped the thread.
Reported for trying to start a flamewar.

I suppose I could say chronic depression, but I've never been to a doctor about it. Antidepressants aren't for people like me, who got depressed by how fucked up life ends up being. That said, I'm glad I'm not at that stage anymore, so the whole thing is moot.

Shitty childhood and major depression.

Distrust of others and a broken heart. I still find myself fighting back tears over what I lost.

Do you guys think that the more comfortable the safety net (i.e. lots of money in bank, parents who spoil you), the greater the chances of someone becoming and/or remaining a NEET or hikki? On top of the bare essentials, are all your desired entertainment expenses covered? Do any of you actually have trouble making ends meet without a job?

>>8442435
I only feel at ease when I have nothing to lose.

Safety nets mean obligations. Living freely is living with nothing.

>>8442435
Absolutely. I have a bunch of stuff in my room (tallied up, a little over $5000) and I see no reason at all to work. I literally cannot think of any reason why I would ever want to work. Everything I need is provided for me. I eat very well, my car insurace is paid for me, my gas is paid for me, internet is paid for me, and most anything else that I want I can get one way or another.

>>8442455
For reference, I'm the guy above who's getting his mother's house when she moves out. Maybe I'll want to get a job to pay the bills or something, but I really would prefer to rent it out or something so I don't have to actually do any work.

Yes, I am spoiled.

>>8442462
Rent it to me, anon. We'll never have to see each other and I'll do most repairs myself to avoid having people enter sanctuary.

>>8442473
Silly NEET, how is a NEET renting to another NEET going to work?

Rent to me!

Would it be possible to take out tons of student loads, use them to become a NEET, and then kill yourself when they come due?

>>8442488
I'm a NEET with autismbucks. By looking at his earlier post, he's probably a fucking yuppie fuck, who lives all around a bunch a yuppies, and I ain't living anywhere near fucking yuppies.

Another thing about yuppies is they don't have no land. And if there's no yard I couldn't set up my potato garden. And if I can't have that, I ain't even gonna bother.

Enjoy you some suburbia anon, it's all yours.

>>8442495
Yes! Yes it is!

In fact, you could extend it a little(and even do the world a favor while doing so!) by borrowing money from some dangerous people(loan sharks), using it to pay back the government, and then living on until they come calling. Crime organization loses, nation is at neutral, you win, what could be better?

>play persona 3
>be late into the game
>just had a nice christmas date
>your character has all courage, intelligence and charm stats maxed
>most social links maxed
>tons of friends
>dating multiple girls at once
>great in school, sports and attractive to people
>realize I'm saving the world

>turn the game off
>remember that you're an NEET who flunked out of university with no friends

I hate this game so much for making me realize how retarded my own life is, but I can't stop playing it.

>>8442513
It could be worse.

You could have friends.

>>8435989
>For the NEET recluses and hikkis out there, how did you become the way you are now?
stopped going to university classes, stopped hanging out with people. failed all my classes, my academic record is fucked. trying to get a job now.

>Was it due to an innate disorder you were born with or that later surfaced?
Apparently I have Asperger's Syndrome, but I don't think this has anything to do with it. I don't even think Asperger's Syndrome is a real thing, to be honest.

And yes, I've been diagnosed by an actual psychiatrist with it as a kid.

>Was it due to your environment such as an abusive/troubled upbringing or a traumatic social experience?
I think it was because of starcraft and anime/vidya. At one point, I realized I literally cared more about anime and video games than I did about my social life, my school life, or anything else really. My parents pretty much hate me because I'm a loser, but they still haven't kicked me out yet.

>Ultimately, what do you make of the way you are now? Is it just a case of it couldn't be helped or do you feel a degree of responsibility for 'letting' yourself become this way?
It's all my fault and I don't want to blame it on anyone else. When I get out of it somehow, I want it to be all me as well. My primary goal is to get a job and find a place to live, even if it's in complete poverty, away from the support of my family.

>>8442497
How rude, I'm not a yuppie. My family got some money from a few lawsuits, that's all.

>>8442527
Well, alright. Cant be too careful, you know.

>>8437231
I would say women naturally have a tendency to want to socialize more, also they can easily find a man who wants to pay attention to her and take care of her for the most part if she manages to stay decent looking.

if she's a fat fujoshi... there is at least one fat, anime obsessed engineer or something who will think of her as the love of his life. guaranteed.

women do not have any difficulty in life besides childbirth and the way they can so vehemently deny it is mind boggling.

Well I just went through school, and when it finished I had no idea what to do. I tried apply to university but a combination of fear of rejection and fear of leaving home stopped me.

>>8442537
Pussy! Grow some balls!

>>8442537
As a male, that image disgusts me.

I find being a recluse is addictive -- the less I go out, the less I want to go out. It also sneaks up on me, even if I'm not in the "habit" of staying indoors.

Some days I plan to go out but find I can't get leave the house when it comes time to actually do so. It's not a frantic aversion, I just look at the clock and say "I should leave" but nothing happens. Sometimes this goes on for an hour and a half before I give up and go do something else.

Other days it's a baseless anxiety about the outside world that keeps me indoors. It's not that I think something specific will happen, or that something is out to get me, I just have a strong feeling that everything outside the walls of my house is unsafe somehow.

Sometimes it's the thought of interacting with people all day long -- if I leave the house I will have to speak and make facial expressions and think about what I am supposed to say. Sometimes a whole day of that just seems too daunting.

I am not actually spending the majority of my time in my house at the moment. As silly as it sounds, I find that if I leave the house before I really wake up, then it makes it easier. What's done is done, before I really realize it is done. If I pause for coffee and breakfast, or to read the paper, there is a vast increase in the probability of my staying put.

I was always like this, apparently even as a baby. I have had a perfectly normal upbringing. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety of some sort or other, but any physical expression of this is usually mild (i.e. fatigue, sweating, heart palpitations rather than full-on panic attacks or nausea or anything). Since I seem to do "better" when I leave the house more often, I believe that there is some degree to which I can mitigate my reclusive inclinations... though perhaps it is more numbing through exposure than getting "better". Some days it does not feel like it is a good thing.

I want to see a psychiatrist but I don't want to get sent to a mental ward. What should I do?

>>8442537
I don't understand. Does this mean women now control the world? If men technically still have more power and wealth, why don't they fight back against clear biases - especially in the goddamn justice system? Rich and powerful men must hate losing lots of money or being arbitarily detained (even if it's only been the woman doing all the physical violence) just as much right?

>>8442564
I had a suicide plan and even I didn't get sent to a mental hospital.

>>8442569
Imagine a cat scared of a dog, not big business now one would care much and would feel pity if they see the cat shut in a room with the dog, poor creature getting killed.

Imagine a lion scared of a dog, imagine the reaction, laugh, mocks and people wondering why the fuck the lion don't just doesn't kill the fucking dog with a bite.

Men are expected to be lions, women are expected to be cats.

>>8442569
Imagine a cat scared of a dog, not big business and no one would care much because its cat's nature, they would feel pity if they see the cat shut in a room with the dog, poor creature getting killed.

Imagine a lion scared of a dog, imagine the reaction, laugh, mocks and people wondering why fuck the lion doesn't just kill the fucking dog with a bite.

Men are expected to be lions, women are expected to be cats.

>>8442569

>Does this mean women now control the world?
No. Most of that chart can be summed up as "women are weak and need to be forgiven, protected, and taken care of by strong men".

>If men technically still have more power and wealth, why don't they fight back against clear biases - especially in the goddamn justice system? Rich and powerful men must hate losing lots of money or being arbitarily detained (even if it's only been the woman doing all the physical violence) just as much right?

RIch and powerful men sign pre-nupts before marriage. They also don't get rapped by women, worst that happens is abuse, however men don't want to appear weak, so its not women's fault that they wouldn't report it.

I realized something yesterday - I won't be able to live a normal life, ever.

>>8443272

Welp, took you long enough.

>>8442537
I don't think this is really true--if anything it's more difficult "opening up" to guys, and the "sensitive" ones aren't as openly emphatic as women generally

it's hardest talking to "masculine" men and

undergrads

my father died when i was 12 and my relationship with my mother went downhill afterward. first i quit the swim team to spend more time at home, then i quit taking hard classes so i wouldnt have home work, then i stopped socializing all together and started not going to school often, then i dropped out during my junior year due to having a panic attack in class, and here i am, 4 years later, still doing nothing

i don't really get anything other than boredom or anxiety out of talking to other people and i'm only comfortable in my own mind or in books (where thoughts are always serious)

if you actually go out often and try to live what you think is an approximate of a "normal life", you'll realize how underwhelming and pointless it is. the whole NEET thing of which we're the vanguard is just a natural consequence of social dysgenics, go look up john calhoun's research on population sinks

>>8442537
But this is exactly why I love being male.

Screw playing life on easy modo. Let us men take care of the lunatic level things.

school sucks btw and the best decision i ever made was to drop out

>>8447208
But I hate playing on lunatic. Can't I opt to play on easy with training wheels attached?

You'd think you would be refining a skill or getting new ones if you were a NEET.

Pick up a skill, something. Make it 2hu related, thats what I did. I play violin and I sew clothing

>>8447243
Lunatic only is the way to go.

Eventually if you switch back to anything below lunatic you realize how fucking easy it is

>>8447257
I write music to fill the void, but it just makes me more depressed, knowing that I will never be half as good as all those great composers. Listening to music lately just makes it more painful for me.

>>8447274

You must not be a great problem-solver then.

>>8447257
>You'd think you would be refining a skill or getting new ones if you were a NEET.

This is what I thought a lot of NEETs did. I find myself learning new skills and constantly refining ones that I've already learned.

>>8447274
This is easier said than done, but you shouldn't compare your music to the composers you like.

>>8447288

Why not? You can get good insight into your own composing abilities and make them better.

That is, if you don't sob about it.

My parents got divorced when I was young but I dont think it really bothered me that much even thought they still sent me to those counseling sessions. Then when I was around eight or nine my sister was visiting my dad as usual while I was at some baby sitters house when I get told that she died in a car accident by getting hit from some eighteen wheeler truck that was driving drunk at the time. I whe to that open cast thing and saw her pale body and felt that she was very cold and still. It felt surreal to me and I thought for sure she would just wake up again. I dint go to my own sisters funeral though. From what I recall my mom told me that I cried when I first heard about it but not for long. I coped by playing video games to help me forget about it so I think that plays apart when every time something bad happens I just ignore it and play video games or go on the internet and basically indulge in escapism. I dont think I was really popular with girls but one day some girl asked me out and I thought this was the most amazing thing ever. It only lasted for about not even two monthes before I get told that she was cheating on my for my best friend at the time. I think some of the trauma that I surpressed during my childhood came rushing back to me and basically broke down for the longest. Her breaking up with me felt as if I was witnessing my own sister dying again. I then had the pleasure of watching my best friend (who was also a kissless virgin at the time) grow in their relationship for a bout a year. Then they get married. He now is in the airforce with his own house living together with his wife at their first station. It is pretty stupid now as I type this out. I should not have that get to me so much and for so long. But now I dont like leaving my mothers house and I feel uncomfortable talking to people in general. I have not seen my friends for years now and I am pretty sure everyone has moved on now.

My mom got a bit buzzed and told me about how people give her shit for me being a 22 year old neet and living at home. "Most other kids have moved out by your age" of course I tried to explain how this isn't all that true in other countries but whatever. She's usually pretty accepting and knows I have a rough time having to work around people and prefer to stay in my room alone, but she is a neet as well. Granted she is much more social than I am, she still has no future prospects other than trying to get on disability. In other words it is impossible for me to rely on her forever.

I kind of feel bad for the shit people must give her. I can't really imagine what it feels like to have people tell you that your child grew to be a failure of an adult. But I have learned just how much I hate working to make some other guy money and how much I hate having to socialize. It's pretty much the worst thing in the world for me, every day walking into work I'd feel like throwing up. I've also learned how inferior to other people I am. I don't even reach average intelligence, I am critically lazy and unmotivated, physically on the weaker side, slightly unattractive, I just have nothing going for me in this world.

And through all of this the only advice I have ever gotten from anyone was "join the military.' I don't even think they let guys my age in, not to mention the being around dudes 24/7 is pretty much asking for me to flip out and stab some guy and hang myself.

>>8447274

all great composers were shitty at one point (yes even mozart, don't believe the myths he was trained by a music merchant father from the day he was born)

you will always have a grace period of sucking major dong at something before getting good. it's just the way things are

>>8447281
No shit Sherlock, why do you think my life is like this?

>>8447288
I don't really do that. It's just, when I'm listening to stuffs, I can't help but think how in the world these people can have the skill and mastery of techniques and theories of that level. And then I just get depressed because I know I will never attain such skills.

>>8447304

I guess I just have that defeatist mentality...

>>8447295
Compare might have been the wrong word

>>8447309
>I don't even reach average intelligence,
The fact that you managed to compose that paragraph constitutes that you are far more intelligent than most of the world's population.

Need something the cheer you up?
http://yourdumb.net/

You are still young enough to turn things around, even if you are not in the best position. Also, fuck the military.

>>8447309

yeah i thought of joining the military just to give me some kind of structure to my days but while i can tolerate big burly retards i absolutely cannot stand the gay ass alpha male jockeying they get into and the thought of living around 100% men 24/7 sounds like a waking nightmare

>>8447322
>and the thought of living around 100% men 24/7 sounds like a waking nightmare
As if anyone wants to do that.

>>8447325
Cute little delicious shotas or traps, yes. But I'd imagine it would be like being in /sp/ or /fit/ 24/7 so no

>>8447309
>>8447321
>The fact that you managed to compose that paragraph constitutes that you are far more intelligent than most of the world's population.
This. I was thinking similar thought as I read that.

>>8439501

>sage

Quoting her email field.

Does anyone have the full resolution version of this image?

My mother was bipolar, and so my upbringing was wildly erratic. One hour everything would be great, the next I'd be getting screamed at for virtually everything. The incredible uncertainty and confusion over how to act caused me to just 'play it safe' all the time and just withdraw. This was out of fear that if I acted out in any way, I'd surely get in trouble for it a week later.

Not knowing where the boundary for acceptable social behavior lied, I stayed just as withdrawn at school. I assumed everyone was scrutinizing my every word and action, so talking or being in public in general made me uncomfortable as hell. This continued through highschool, and college, and without having made a single friend my social skills stayed permanently retarded. Knowing this encouraged me to avoid risking making an ass of myself even more, and the cycle continued.

The only time I'm able to think clearly and feel "normal" is in my room, alone, with the door shut. Otherwise I just freeze up. I know people aren't perceiving things the way I assume they are, but, fuck, I've said two sentences to my roommates in the past two years.

>>8447376
Ah, there we go.

>>8447387

Gensokyo is inside you, you already have easy access.

>>8447299
>>8447309
You know what you should do? Save up some money, for like a year or two, then just pack your belongings and go out to explore the world. See the world. Go around places, have adventures, live like a drifter. It can't be worse than your current state. Who knows, you might encounter some interesting stuff and people, and it might even change your outlook on life for the better. Even if it doesn't, you basically have nothing to lose, since you've said you got nothing going anymore, anyway.

I would do it myself, but I can't do that to my parents. They've been saving up all their lives, working their bones to dust, just so me and my brother can go to college with our own money, no loan bullshit out the ass. I can't just throw this life away after everything they've done, however much I want to live like a NEET.

>>8447395
Do you not understand that these people are depressed and have no intention of 'exploring the world'. All they want to do is be left alone, not go on magical adventures across the globe.

>>8447400

>be left alone

LOL, then you already lost. Enjoy your depression.

>>8447395
>can go to college with our own money, no loan bullshit
I am in that same situation. I am paying for my college outright from my "own" money that my mom saved up for me all my life. I cant really fuck this up. Even if I end up a complete failure I want to at least pass this and do this for my mom.

>>8447353
I don't think being able to type a paragraph means he's average or above. Most adults in the country could grasp the same thing unless they haven't written in decades, and even then a little practice will remind them.
Kids on tumblr don't give a shit about spelling but write properly on term papers and what-not. Not to mention in the first world mathematical skill trumps art skills in every way.

>>8447333

It's not that bad really, at least in the Australian Army. Almost everyone is nice and respects your space if you want it.

I suppose in America it'd be worse though, since the entry requirements there are much, much lower.

>>8447400
I do. In fact I'm in a similar situation, depression and anxiety disorder and all that. I'm just thinking it would be nice to be able to overcome my fear and just go out and do shit without a care in the world. After being depressed to the lowest point and not giving a fuck about anything anymore, going on adventures doesn't sound too bad, at least it's better than living all depressed and miserable. Projection much, but eh.

>>8447407
A perplexing situation, isn't it? The obscene amount they've saved for me and my brother is just ridiculous. They could've bought a house or two or some nice cars and live in luxury, but no. It's one of the biggest cause of my depression.

Sometimes I wish my parents would've just spend all those cash and resource on my older brother; at least his future is brighter and he's not a total fuckup like me.

>>8447414
But that's because Australians are nice and awesome people in general. Unlike Americans.

>>8447420
Are you kidding? I think Americans are some of the nicest people in the world. In some countries I've been in, everyone is pissed to be alive.

>>8447414
I dont know what the standards are today but I remember something about if you could play football you can be in the army or some stupid saying. And of course I would occasionally see these recruitment commercials that basically panders to the tacticool and the COD kids. There was one parodying a space marine FPS game and how similar it was to an actual army. HA

I never had much luck in social situations because I consciously avoided them. I also grew up in an abusive household with a single mother, which lead me to understanding the truth about women and becoming the recluse I am today.

Not a total NEET, I write shitty books and some bad flash games that get ad revenue to get by. Thank god for unsecured wireless networks.

>>8447395
Every time I've done something "wild and unexpected" it ended in either boredom or something bad happening. Considering the farthest I've ever been is one state away and traveling the world requires a fuckton of money I think that's out of my grasp.

>>8447420

Nah, we're America 2. Just as bad. It's just our budget for our Army is low as fuck, which means they be really strict about entry requirements. Only high school grads have a chance if they're below thirty and they turn down anyone who isn't completely sane. So the dumb brutes and crazy gun happy people never get in as much as the quiet people/team players.

>>8447422
Are you sure you arent shitting us? I remember a british friend of mine that I talk too said the same thing. I dont know where you get this idea but we are pretty pissed people here. If anything the germans are better in terms of niceness. They would greet people in any room they enter regardless if it was full of strangers or not to name one example. Whereas here you would not even get the time of day.

>>8447433
At least we're not as racist

>>8447437
Americans are always smiling and showing manners. Other countries won't let you take your eyes off your feet and people freak out when you try to talk to them on the subway. I'm mainly talking about my travels to Europe to meet family members and such. Of course, this is entirely subjective and may vary per person. I have, of course, spent my whole life in America. I've met many rude people. People in other countries aren't necessarily 'rude', either. It's just a different culture. I don't think it's worth arguing about which country is nicer than the other. It's all going to be biased and abasing.

Not a NEET currently. But I am an off and on NEET since I do short term freelance jobs. I probably only work like 6months a year on average.
All I can say is, the reason why I am like this nowadays are due to laziness and lack of motivation.
I barely did enough to get through university and barely do enough now to get enough money to survive for house and food.
It is hard being a high achiever, since everything come naturally to you and you do not need to put in effort for anything so you became lazy and laziness is one habit you cant cure.

>>8447451

That is very true.

>>8437231

I know of a female NEET who lives on welfare. She's more on the schizoid side so she doesn't feel much of a need to socialize. Was kind of depressing figuring that out as it just made it that much more obvious this person would never even befriend me despite having found someone with a similar lifestyle.

>>8447422

yea for real as a brit i can say without doubt that i get along with americans way easier, that they're much nicer and friendlier people and far more open-minded about just about anything

americans dump on their country and themselves a lot but i don't really see why, they sell themselves short

>>8447451
Anti-racist is a code for anti-white.

>>8447463
>Jokerman font

>>8447471
Are you that anon with those cute cookies and all that?

>>8447473

>>8447475

I have no idea what you're talking about.

>>8447463
Typical Australian scums writing off glorious New Zealand like that.

Dropped out of 10th grade because I couldn't deal with being around people. I never could even as a child, but it got progressively worse over time. Haven't done anything since then and that was over 5 years ago.

>>8447489

You're basically another state, deal with it. And you're the only country who is always welcome, as long as you can bear with the sheep jokes.

>>8447501
Sounds like a tsun-tsun older brother who is letting is kid brother joining his friends to hang out with him. So cute~

I wasn't always a loner, but when I was in school I made one too many unfunny jokes and embarrassed myself into becoming the heavily introverted dead serious no fun allowed guy I come off as today. When I graduated high school I went on to be a hikki for three years until I was unexpectedly kicked out of the house to live with relatives. They made me get a job I hate, but at least the people I work with like me for whatever reason. One of my coworkers told me he is convinced that my "beta" personality is all an act and I'm just fucking with everyone. What I wouldn't give to have those NEET days back again.

>>8447518
I'm kind of like that. I've been told I have a deeply serious, brooding kind of way of carrying myself. I've also been told that I give off a lot of hate and seem pretty pissed off, or like I'm going to go on a killing spree.

However I can be funny and make friends with people I know on the internet. I really wish I could switch them.

>>8447518

Oooh this irritates me so much. How frequently people start talking about how I'm just being quiet to " look like the mysterious guy", and get the girls all over me.

Worse part? It works. Fuck them. I just want to not talk to anybody. I don't want to look like some kind of Sasuke or whatever.

>>8447557
>>8447530
You should smile more often.

>>8447530

I got kicked out of highschool and arrested for that. Someone started a rumor i was going columbine and i wake up with tasers and guns pointed at me.

My feelings were devastated.

>>8447579
I bet you brought a gun or a knife with you or something and you showed someone. How shitty does the school even have to be to get someone expelled and under arrest just because of a rumor?

>>8447566
Do you even know where you're at
>>8447579
I feel like there is something you aren't telling us here. Did you threaten to do it in front of someone?

Well OP I was an average kid with an alcoholic father and overbearing mother, then one day I discovered a magical place called "4chan" where I could get involved and didn't have to impress anyone but myself and let loose, and even then nothing mattered because I was anonymous and everyone else was too.

It's much easier than real life.

long story short my life is ok but i make it seem worse by comparison with my peers.

compared with a starving aids baby in central africa I have an awesome life.

>>8447589
>Do you even know where you're at
Just because there's no fun allowed doesn't mean we can't smile anyway.

Keep a mirror around and see if you can't notice that you actually look dour all the time.

>>8447614
I'm thrilled, ecstatic, and overjoyed when I'm alone. When there are people around, however...

>>8447618
Do you really hate people so much that you can't hide your revulsion?

>>8447625
I don't hate people, I just don't like being around them.

>>8447583

It was a nice school, that's why it happened like that. From what I was told someone their parents that someone told them I was going to do it and the parents called in repeating it. Imagine the place that school would be in if they hadn't taken steps to prevent it. Kids make stuff up all the time I just caught the shitty end of the stick that time.

>>8447636
People get searched all the time just because someone said they might have contraband.

I wish there was some sort state or federal run clinic type place to help you in the desire to go to gensokyo.
You could pay it by donating your organs to a hospital, it would probably save more lives in the long run.

sometimes life is just too hard and its lonely just to off yourself in the middle of nowhere.

>>8447643
Tuhu and guns.

>>8447643

That's a nice gun.

>>8447631
You should put on a brave front and smile anyway if it's not too much trouble for you.

>>8435989
>how did you become the way you are now?
Dropped out of college after the first semester, tried another but stopped again. Lived day to day telling myself I'd try harder when I started that next semester after I wait this one out. It's been two and a half years and I'm on unemployment which can last untill December if I'd like but my mother is expecting me to get a job come 20~ days. I haven't left my house since december 10th so far and I see no reason in doing it anytime soon.

>Was it due to an innate disorder you were born with or that later surfaced?
Unless you call having no friends remaining a disorder

>Was it due to your environment such as an abusive/troubled upbringing or a traumatic social experience?
My dad is a transvestite who I no longer talk to and my step dad(who is no longer around) abused me physically and mentally, I think that might have taken my introvertedness and increased it a bit. I don't really care about anything anymore and find gather motivation to be the hardest thing around.

>Ultimately, what do you make of the way you are now? Is it just a case of it couldn't be helped or do you feel a degree of responsibility for 'letting' yourself become this way?
I'm a pathetic sack of shit who should just kill himself.I think I'm waiting untill I'll be forced to work for food then I'll try that helium tank everyone has been talking about, it is entirely my fault for not doing anything about my position. The thing is I have a neice who just turned 10 living in the same household as me, what do I do about that? Not setting a good example.

Really my NEETdom started in the third grade when we had a substitute teacher and I discovered I could get away with not doing any work.

It was from that point onward that I did fuckall in school. Fourth grade they tried me on ADHD meds to no avail, fifth grade they gave up and just sent me to the principals office when I wouldn't work. Middle school they sent me to the alternative education school (aka pre-prison) and I daydreamed and stared out the window all day instead of working. High school was at the same school and I got to junior year without having a single credit before I just dropped out.

The last 4 years have passed in the blink of an eye and my parents are about ready to throw me out. I've had 3 jobs and 2 girlfriends all pretty much handed to me, all of which I've given up on in less than a month every time in favor of spending all night on the computer and sleeping all day.

the worst part about it? I've had so many opportunities and I'm the only person to blame for my sorry state.

>>8436349
>>8436359

It's so fucking weird to look back on things you've written in an altered state of mind (not by choice) days later with all of its imperfections and oddities.

I have no idea what to do about my mental health at this point. I really don't want to tell my doctor or parents what's going on in my head, but at the same time this is getting a little ridiculous.

you were the sperm that won.

I got hit by a police cruiser .

It was just at a AMS/MAA joint meeting, I was barely 18 and eager to learn all about knots and differential geometry and all of those neat things.

I became crippled.

I couldn't manage to do much without the help of my mother, and was frequently bedridden and messed up with delirious neurological pain that never stopped.

I went from regularly doing eighth classes a semester and forging towards graduate school to a meagre existence of trying to make it from day to day.

The person responsible for hitting me pulled me up to the sidewalk and tried to make me go home at the time, even though my head was bleeding all over and had broken bones and a concussion couldn't move or think clearly. I think a fellow AMS member finally called an ambulance and after that all I remember was feeling violently nauseous and throwing up while being assisted to the bathroom at the ER.

I didn't give up so easily. Year after year, I tried to make headway with rehabilitation and getting back into studies but getting out and interacting with other people was just too impossible--with my chronic neuralgia and ptsd based around cars and authorities and doctors and an ominous all-encompassing "society" and the fact that I could no longer attend my original university, staying in a small town taking up my elderly mother's energies felt tiring.

My strict father, who used to firmly discipline me on studying diligently and doing physics together and doing a paper together no longer pushed me or scolded me. He treated me with just kindness and told me to take care of myself.

>>8448095
Fuck. That's one hell of a story

>>8448095
Your point? You dont sound like you should even be posting here. You should like a generic normal person who does not take interest in things this board is about. Is this supposed to make me feel sorry for you? Grow some balls and end your crippled misery it would be a load off your your family.

>>8448167
You sound like a total and complete retard.

>>8448167
Wow, what a cunt.

>>8448503
>>8448194
You really should have expected something like that, faggots.

>>8448511

And you should've expected that people would call him out for what he really is, ``faggot".

born with autism/adhd (undiagnosed)
more interested in videogames than girls/friends
obviously bullied in school and beaten by my parents

when i was 17 i eventually fell in love with a girl from the internet
she just broke up with some guy that beat her and used to choke her recently
she said she loves me too

that was until we met at least
meeting her i kinda was acting like the shy beta faggot i always was
it was so bad she want back into a violent relationship with her ex over me
i had a mental breakdown and was delusional/schizophrenic for years
but it made me very strong in many ways

after that i went to an evening school
on a school trip i randomly met a cute shy girl that kinda was like me
we decided to go one a one week trip together at the end of the year

this made me kinda self-conscious about how i look
i have a medical condition called abocclusion that made me too ugly for her
i decided to operate on myself to fix it optically (somewhat worked but left visible scars)

when we met i talked to her about it but it apparently didn't bother her at all
it seemed she loved me the way i am and she proposed having a relationship after just a few days
of course i managed to fuck this up by saying "no" because of autism and feeling not good enough for her
she kinda broke up contact after

last year in school i became very depressed and started avoiding everyone because of what happened with her and because i couldn't endure people looking at my scars
i barely managed to finish evening school with good grades
>that's when i started not leaving my apartment anymore except for shopping or going to the doctor

>>8448896
eventually i was becoming more and more depressed because i didn't know what's wrong with me
finding out about my autism/adhd helped a lot
i got medication which made me feel randomly high and enabled me to do fun productive things i was unable to do before
>my depression quickly vanished and things started to get better again

that was until i decided to get treatment for my abocclusion
the first operation went somewhat wrong leaving my upper jaw tangibly asymmetrically
it bothered me a lot and made me become very depressed again
>this i when i started not to go out anymore (except for medical stuff) and kinda break up contact with everyone i know

few months ago i should have had a second operation to fix this
i started getting optimistic again only to hear the doctor didn't want to fix it 1 day before operation
i had to cancel and look for someone else to operate on me

now in a few weeks i have an appointment with another doctor
i'll be less optimistic this time but i won't give up until i get this fixed or break apart in the process
>should i manage to i will quit my hikkikomori life and go outside again

>i'm not hikkikomori by choice

>>8448897
Who are you quoting?

>>8448937
just marking the important parts since it got a bit long

>>8448897
>>8448896
I love you.

be a real man, like this guy. work for it. get laid, be happy. what else ?

I really wanted to finish my course, but after 4 years I just can't take it anymore. Sorry mom and dad ;_;

What sent me down my path was most likely my overly sensitive personality and traumatic school years, however I pulled myself out of NEET life more than 10 years ago.
I'll always be an antisocial shut-in with no aspirations for leaving the house to be social, but at least I have a good career.

If I can manage to find some kind of middle ground balance, so can you.

>>8449000
but he looks like a total faggot
0/10

>>8448973
why would you do that?
i appreciate the gesture though

>>8436191
I feel you, bro. My panic attacks have also fucked my social life completely.

Just out of curiosity, which are your "triggers"?

I remember doing well in school until fifth grade. It's like a sharp drop off happened, I just stopped giving all fucks. I had moved to my grandmother's house after my grandpa came and picked my brother up. My mom had gotten really hooked on hard drugs and my stepdad just left us after seeing how bad she got, so things kind of slowly broke down. Weird people would come and go at all hours, the house was a mess and nothing worked, all my video games were stolen by niggers, dinner became things like digging through the cabinet to find an old can of green beans. My brother and I would sit in the den and watch the same video of pokemon, "The Ghost of Maiden's Peak." Watched that shit several times a day, occasionally taking a break to watch a couple of tapes of The Flintstones. School had become optional so I stayed home a lot. Not sure how long the whole ordeal lasted but I remember hearing that my mom was kicked out a few weeks after we left, so how ever long it takes to get removed from a house for not paying the mortgage.

>>8449147
So my grandpa came one day and took us my brother and me. My grandma had a 3 bedroom house with 9-10 people living in it, I'm surprised it was even legal. Had 2 bunkbeds in our bedroom with my cousins, my brother, and me. Not a whole lot of room for anything else but at least we could eat and run around outside. Although the house was absolutely disgusting and the floor had no carpet, just sort of this wood paneling covered with a thin layer of dirt and sand. The walls and window blinds were always this dull yellow from everyone chainsmoking. My mom eventually moved in with us and acted the same way, getting knocked up with my sister by some loser in a trailerpark. We lived there for probably 2.5 years before moving out, only to keep moving every year or so because my mom doesn't like paying rent. Through all of this I had to talk to the DSS a lot but they never did anything, I was sent to a therapist for 2 sessions but then when I turned 18 they lost all interest in me. They did take my brother and sister away who now live with my old stepdad.
As for me, I'm just an old neet still putting up with my mother in return for shelter, doing whatever I can to avoid society short of living in a cabin.

>>8436135
>I was always introverted, I just thought it was wrong so I tried my best to fight it, put up fronts, socialize, and go with the flow. Thus came heavy depression, and as a side effect, my compulsive lying habit.
Are you me? Also, recently I've met somebody who can see right through my bullshit and it's making me nervous. Guy has gotten to know my family and friends, too. I'm so nervous I want to go back to being a recluse.

>>8449144
being asked what my triggers are is a trigger

I don't even like touhou or whatever, I just hide out here because you guys are some of the absolute worse, no offense, cause I'm just as bad.

>>8449206
Kill yourself.

>>8435989
>How did you become the way you are now?

In high school I was always a slacker and a delinquent. I had a lot of friends, but I didn't like them because they were shady people. When I graduated, I decided I would make a change in my life for the better. I slowly cut off contact from all my friends, and worked my ass off in college. Two years in, I transferred from a small private school to a big state university which was more prestigious. I worked my ass off there, and ended up with a nearly perfect GPA (I made a B in one class because I thought the class was bullshit and didn't want to do the work).

When I graduated college, I felt like, "My good life finally starts now." A girl I was friends with from my first college got in touch with me, and for some reason she really started to push me into being a relationship with her. I applied to tons and tons of jobs. Then, all around the same time, the huge recession happened, my girlfriend ditched me to go back with her abusive ex-boyfriend, and a hurricane wrecked the town I was living in.

At that point I felt something like, "What was the point of enduring all that misery all these years if this is the result?" Being an introvert, high school and college were far from fun for me, and I'm naturally lazy, so it took a monumental effort to work hard in school. Regardless, it's been 3-4 years and I'm still a NEET.

>Ultimately, what do you make of the way you are now?
It makes me sick to think of the way I am now. I would love to get a job, but I have an overwhelming fear of failure that stops me. And I always have this sense of dread that even if I get a job, my co-workers will all be assholes and I'll be miserable.

One day I woke up and said "Life is boring as hell. I'm going to slowly drive myself insane with a series of poor decisions."

Clinical depression.

>>8449381
Why not get medicated, then?

I'm not a recluse currently, and really do not deserve to post here. When I first went to college I was heading down the path to being a hikikomori since I made no friends and only really enjoyed sitting alone in my room browsing the internet anyways. Unlike many anons here though, my innate disorder was what forced me out of the lifestyle. I started getting endless thought loops after the first month and a half of being alone, hallucinations kicked in a few months after that. By the end of my first year I was more terrified of being alone than I was of other people and had to find a way to be social.

College makes that part easy, since it's possible to do drugs in the vicinity of other people until socializing happens on its own with a minimum of effort from me. No idea what I'm going to do after I graduate though.

>>8449589
I never noticed any positive effects from them, so I stopped. Felt more like a placebo than anything else.

My dad died whenI when I teenager and I had to move ni a new school where everyone treated me like shit because I was "the new guy". I became an introvert, but I still hang hung in there because I was still hoping of doing something with my life.

One morning I woke up to go to the university as usual. But I was tired of everything, and I went back to bed.
Never did anything in my life after this day.

>>8449643
Oh fuck I can't type.

When I was a kid, what I wanted most was a best friend who wasn't just a superficial acquaintance. But everyone loses interest in 2 years, tops, and I never see them again.

Then I made the mistake of thinking I could actually befriend one of my parents. If I open up to one of them, they'll only tell me how much they disapprove of everything. And they might not even believe me. Like I'd lie about something like this, asshat.

That was when I woke up and realized that this was something that nobody I knew was capable of.

So I stopped caring about anyone. I keep everyone at a distance, and for some reason, they wonder why I don't give a fuck about them.

There is absolutely no meaning to the life of a completely superficial human. Just like everyone else, they will die, and nobody will even give a fuck. And yet, they don't seem to realize how meaningless they are. Instead, they'll go through the same routine, day after day. I keep wondering, why don't they just give up and die?

>>8449635
>suppressed extrovert

Kindly get out of /jp/.

>>8449635
Congrats, this is how a normalfag feels when lonely and how they deal with it.

I'm not insulting you, but this is how people are "supposed" to behave. Good on you for being proof that the system works.

>>8449697
>ee
>pp
>oo

I'm technically a freeter, but I feel that my life is still more or less similar to that of a NEET.

I became the way I am now due to long stretches of unemployment and isolation. I couldn't get a job for the longest time due to being forced to work for my family as well as having a psychology degree and I was isolated due to having an unusual brain that not even myself can really figure out. I don't know if my brain is broken due to being born that way or having something happen to me, although it is important to state that my mom did drop me on my head from a short distance and most of my current symptoms only surfaced four years ago at most, probably less (I'm 28).

Concerning environment, I guess that I always had trust issues from how my family and peers treated me. My dad would make me work for him for nothing doing the most meaningless tasks and would basically scream at me over little things; he was kind of a crazy asshole. My peers all kind of stabbed me in the back during middle school and I never really had much faith in having friends since then, although it kind of lightened up when I was in graduate school at MTSU. When I was 16 I was misdiagnosed as being autistic and my family completely changed the way they treated me, basically shoving it down my throat and viewing me as some kind of retard who couldn't ever live on his own, even though I was in AP classes. I'm not autistic at all, but rather psychotic, but my family is in denial about that. My current therapists agree with me.

>>8450051

I think that I'm fine, but I hope that my life turns a corner. Recently I work a paper route and the past few days have been hell, getting up at 2 AM with icy roads and legs that are getting worn out from the boots and the constant marching. During the daytime, which I usually have to myself, I try to avoid my family by either going out and drinking coffee on a bench or staying in my room and working on my interests, such as game creation or writing. Sometimes I'm very passionate, but usually I just sit around and talk to myself, wondering why I'm wasting my time. I also go on the internet a lot.

Writing this was confusing.

>>8450051
> freeter
So what is it that you actually do? Do you work "odd jobs" or are you a freelancer? Please don't tell me you're a programmer...

Also what makes you think you're psychotic, and do you think it's anything more specific? I don't know anything about psychiatry but I've always been under the impression "psychosis" was a sort of umbrella term with symptoms in a bunch of different disorders.
Correct me if I'm wrong, I like learning these things.

>>8449666
I can be your friend.

I just realized that it's you guys who make me want to kill myself. I have zero reasons to complain about my life, but I'm feeling suicidal on your behalf.

>>8450181

We love you too, buddy.

>>8450186
I love you too.

>>8450066

You could say that I pick up on various part-time, temporary jobs. My other job involves working as a lab assistant in a chemistry lab for about six hours a week; I'm basically a glorified janitor though.

It is actually kind of hard to define my psychosis, and most psychotic people also don't have very good insight into their symptoms or issues. I pace around constantly, I have full-blown conversations with myself out loud, I'm somewhat unkempt, I have some form of avolition, I can't form relationships with most people (not in the autistic way, though), and I can't really control my thoughts. It is like my mind is on auto-pilot, constantly thinking something and then suddenly switching. I think that perfectly unrelated things can be related sometimes, and most people have called me absurd.

I think that the best analogy would be to share with you what I read on erowid yesterday, where a guy had a DXM overdose and suddenly thought of him eating an ice cream cone as a kid after thinking that he was going to die or something like that. He then thought something around the lines of "OMG, I have become retarded...how am I going to function now?!" I read that and I thought that it was perfectly normal; that and worse goes on in my head all the time, and I can function just fine. Nothing disturbs me, for some reason.

>>8450238
> It is actually kind of hard to define my psychosis
Hey guys, check out this special snowflake.

I was always a pretty sheltered guy with a somewhat high opinion of myself. The world came at me with its share of personal disappointments and some of its milder harsh realities, and I ended up seeking refuge in the safety of my own home. For a very, very long time. Societal pressures and failure to fulfil personal expectations drove me underground, essentially.

>>8450269
That's quite a negative response.

I wasn't able to socialize even when I was little, I was abused by my classmates and everyday at school went on with tensed atmosphere and fear of the unknown.

I dropped for 1 year when I was in high-school and afterwards graduated. I was probably introverted since I was a little kid, because I feel almost always exhausted and mentally stressed when I am around people. Can't really say I was a hikikomori at all, although I hardly left my apartment, except to buy a few stuff. I was also leeching my parent's money.

I was able to discover by sheer coincidence only one person who I am able to like and have no problems with properly communicating with. And above all - to call him a friend.

I am currently working in a different country, serving a family and babysitting their kid and will be returning after a month and a half and then will decide on which university I will go.
Unfortunately my diploma is way too poor since I had no desire to study at school and my options will be really shallow. Anyway. That's pretty much it.

I have no idea what it is to come, but for now I will try to forge myself a future for me.

>>8449154

How old exactly?

Do you believe that you were destined to become NEET from the start? Or is it just the result of a few bad decisions.

If you could say one thing to your 16 year old self to prevent this fate, what would you say?

>>8450809
Remember to take it easy.

>>8450809
>to your 16 year old self
My fate was sealed long before that, so I guess I'd just tell myself it was inevitable.

>>8450809
>If you could say one thing to your 16 year old self to prevent this fate, what would you say?
Stop sleeping in class and get good enough grades to get into a nice college. Try going outside and working out once in a while.

>>8450809
"Don't bother."

>>8450829
I just realized how much that sounded like something my dad would tell me. Fuck.

>>8450809
I've been an unintelligent introverted loner my entire life, there's nothing I could have told myself to undo this.

>>8450809

I don't wanna play the blame game but a lot of it had to do with my parents, they really weren't there for me when I needed them most.

I would be perfectly capable of turning things around if I didn't dig myself into such a deep hole during my isolation.

>>8450809
It doesn't matter. Being me I know there is nothing I could have told myself to snap out of that, I would've just ignored the warning out of laziness.

>>8450875
I'd wager that poor parenting is one of the major reasons why a child becomes a shut-in. Not to say it also isn't partially the child's fault too, though.

>>8450809
everything is destined from the start - even your decisions
but that doesn't mean you'll have to stay a hikki forever
you can't know for sure what your destiny holds

i'd probably tell my 16y-old-self to get an adhd diagnosis for ritalin asap
pretty much all my problems come from being mentally weak and making to wrong decisions without thinking

I don't blame anyone or myself, I think it just had to do with the things that happened. I'd have bad experiences with people and then be too afraid to get close to anyone again, and it would just keep happening over and over again. My parents would like to put me down a lot for some reason. As hard as I tried I could never get them to stop, so I eventually just gave up trying to make anything of myself, because even if I did, they would still keep telling me I was awful no matter what. I was failing school because I never did any homework/outside of school work, but somehow I'd never study for tests and get 100% on all of them. I stopped going to school because I started to feel afraid of leaving my house, and so I had to drop out. Right before I did drop out I had one last beacon of hope in my life, this guy had asked me out and wanted to be my boyfriend. It turns out he only wanted to date me to make his female friend jealous or something, and he broke it off with me and told me to not talk to him anymore because he was done with me (he was then dating the girl). He was my only last hope at happiness so I just kind of had a nervous breakdown and didn't leave my house for a pretty long time in fear of the things people might do to me. I tried going to therapy, but after 2 visits the therapist told me she couldn't help me and that I needed medication. I went to a doctor (psychiatrist or psychologist?) who immediately pushed medication on me on the first visit. I was still young and I just wanted to try anything to maybe be able to be happy again. The medication just made me feel nothing, no happiness nor sadness, it was horrible. And then they would prescribe me more medication to counter the side effects. I finally went off of it, but by then years had passed and I was already pretty cemented into living like this. I've promised myself that if my life is still like this when I'm 30 that I owe myself the courtesy to end it.

>>8451694
>>8451694
how old are you now?

>>8450809
"Don't even bother trying. It always just leads back to the same place. It never matters"

>>8451698

I am 22. I've been a NEET since I was 16.

I have 8 more years left to make something of myself, but sometimes I wonder if it would just be better not to, so that when I do finally die people finally feel bad about some of the things they did to me and that maybe they feel like they had a little part in my death or something. I guess that sounds kind of stupid, but it's weirdly comforting to me.

Neet turned straight alpha here. Parents told me i was "slower then the average kid" and i was facing preety bad depression back in highschool because of some shit i was bullied over.

Ask me anything about my life

>>8451714
Hah,
I used to think exactly like you do.
You only think like that because you want attention. You want people to care about you so you start doing depressing shit.
Heres what you do:
If you have any close friends dont lose them, get even closer with them.
Stop being such a pussy and go out with heaps of resumes and apply for jobs. If your too shy to talk to people face to face, look on job seek websites. And apply for everything.

One you have a job plan for your future, save up enough money to go to university. It should only take a couple months maximum. Once you have enough enrol into ANY course you can get into. By that time you will be feeling better and hopefully know what you want to do, so switch courses at free will and start working towards your degree.
I would also suggest moving overseas and starting anew

Lesson over. Its up to you now

>>8451749

If only it was that simple, Anon. It's not like I haven't tried all of that and more before. :/

If any of you decide to go out into society, please never forget that women are evil. 2d women are so much better, seriously.

>>8451773

Trust me Anon, it's not just women.

>>8451773
>>8451778
This is the problem I have with the /jp/ pseudo-3DPD mentality.

Women aren't any worse than men: people in general are terrible. There's no point in singling out the females.

>>8451778
I only mention it because we tend to idolize our waifus more than anything else. There is a very big gap between 2d and 3d, but the gap is very much wider for the typical /jp/er.

>>8451749
Your "advice" is fucked up beyond belief.
Just because you apply online doesn't mean you won't be going face to face for an interview, or having to deal with loads of people every day even in non-service jobs.
>Should take a couple of months maximum
show me a university that can be paid for with 2 months of minimum wage salary, hell some community colleges aren't that fucking cheap.

You'll probably pop back up saying I'm making excuses, but this is real life kid, not some feelgood ABC movie. You were right in one thing though, nobody gives a shit about you. Changing in the long run will be up to yourself, but unless something drastic in your environment or mindset changes, you're stuck where you are. Luckily you had close friends to rely upon.

/jp/ isn't /r9k/, we don't beg for attention here. Actually most people here hate it, another reason why they stay in their rooms for years.

>>8450809
"You can do it right and get money you idiot. Just don't bother about girls at all, your life is better if you remember that. You don't have to get a girlfriend. Just study like a man."

I have a question for y'all in this thread- how many of you guys became this way due to some mental condition or horrible life conditions versus those who had otherwise normal lives, families, mental health, and opportunities?

>>8451890
I have everything. Maybe my family is not rich, but I could get in my country's best university and generally studies are incredibly easy for me.
But one day I had an assignment I didn't deliver, and then another one, and I decided that class was lost.
My schedule reduced to 4 days a week, and I had one class on wednesday. I decided I could live without it, and got more and more reclusive. Finally I stopped going, realizing I could do nothing for the semester.
I thought I was being lazy, but when I went to my grandma's birthday party, I suddenly suffered a panic attack. After giving it some thought I found I didn't want people to judge me and to ask me why am I not giving my best since I'm supposedly a genius. In the end I guess I'm just scared of defeat so I took the easy route.

>>8451810
Well, Im just telling you how I did it.
Take it as a grain of sand if you wish

and im australian, so considering my job out of highschool was paying $23 an hour, i guess its abit different if you live somewhere else, i earned about 7k after tax in a month and abit

Im just speaking from experience here, but i had a massive mindset change thanks to witnessing some people and hearing stories about other people.

>>8451948
wat job

I had a panic attack at a school event and was later diagnosed with panic disorder.
I had real trouble going to some classes and skipped a lot out of laziness and depression as well. Later dropped out of school. Walking outside my safe zone makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and might cause another panic attack. I can use public transportation though.
I have visited a therapist and have a medication but since I rarely go outside my house anyway, I hardly have very little motivation to get fully rid of my condition.

In the end I'm just a depressed fuck who doesn't want to do anything productive. I got some money from my condition while I was still in school but I'll have to see what to do about it once it starts running low.

>>8451965
>>8451965
Work at a telstra store.
get $36per hour on sundays (today).

We had noone in the store at all today, so i just browsed 4chan on one of the ipads for 5 hours.

Nah im done bragging but even i find that this job is mundane and wont lead anywhere.
Sure its good pay, but i would rather do something i loved and earn a little less then a job i hate.
Thats why im going to uni, so hopefully i can go somewhere with my life, and not just be stuck in my shitty city forever.

But dont worry bro's.
I know the feel that your all feeling at the moment. Ive experienced it aswell

>>8452010
I feel for you.

Mine was in class and I literally had no idea what was happening to me or how severe it would affect me in the future.

By that point I had developed a pretty healthy social life with good friends after years of depression and bullying.

It sucked real hard to lose it all to something that I couldn't control.

I'm not a NEET though, I fought it because the alternative offered by my parents was worse and managed to somehow go forward. I still get them in college all the time but there's not helping it.

>>8452053
Haven't you gotten a medication for it?

>>8452068
Nope, after all the bullshit, I'm kind of proud that I fought it without any help and without any meds.

Gives me a sense of accomplishment so I can at least salvage something out of the whole shit.

>>8452073
Mm. I see what you mean.

You might hate me for sharing this when I'm not a complete hikki, but I used to be really reclusive and disconnected until this year. I used to not be able to say anything at all in front of more than two people because my mind would just go blank. I would spend all of class-time praying the TA wouldn't call on me so I wouldn't have to talk, rush through presentations to get it over with, hated my voice and my body (I'm tiny - 5'0" and 95 lbs), spent all my free time alone, etc...

But pretty much all of that changed this year when I ended up being in charge of a literary magazine (I had been in it last year but every other member graduated and I had to take over or let it die) and had to recruit/fundraise/organize meetings/announce to classes/etc. It was a lot at once and it really scared me at first, but the more you practice skills like smalltalk and being calm in front of an audience, the less freaked out you get and the more effective you can be. I thought because I had been shy my whole life I couldn't change, but I just needed something to push me into a position where it was a necessity to develop good people skills and use them constantly. When you're the leader of an organization, you really can't be shy, or people won't take you seriously. I think that the fact that it was something I was really crazy about, and it's something I want to do for the rest of my life also really helped motivate me.

Also, I don't know if any of you have tried breathing exercises, but they really help when you need to calm yourself down but you can't leave the situation. Breathe in four counts, hold six, exhale eight. I know it sounds trite and new-agey, but it does work.

So, basically, lean into fear. If it scares you, sometimes that's the place where you have the most potential to grow as a person.

>>8452082
Whatever makes you happy.

For me, I like being reclusive but through the years I've learned to socialize. I don't think anybody suspects that I don't have any friends and I just browse 4chan all day.

>>8452092
See, this is the thing right here.

Most people that are NEETs DON'T WANT TO CHANGE. I know that when I was, I viewed school and work as hells and tried to stay as far away from them as I could. I still do, but... I hate it when all these people are whining about how lonely they are and all that when they don't want to meet people. Not having a job doesn't mean you can't go down to a cafe, get a coffee, read a nice book and flirt with any cute girls that come in. And I know a lot of high school dropouts that just drink beer and smoke weed and have fun with each other all the time.

People need to realize that being an INTERNET ADDICT is different from being a HIKIKOMORI. Hikokomori don't go on internet forums (yes, 4chan is a forum). Otaku aren't shut-ins. NEETs can be just as social as everyone else. When the computer controls your life and you're in denial, you might even think it's cool to call yourself a hikikomori. But you won't be happy in life until you realize who and what you are. Being on /jp/ for 15 hours a day or whatever is not the right way to live your life.

I'm getting kicked out. No more neeting for me. I wish the temperature was a bit higher.

Sure I hate my life

But I'd hate it more if I was around people

>>8452110
I think it's worth noting that the world is shitty people and that a lot of people who are surrounded by shitty people think that they don't like people because everyone around them is a terrible human being. But that's the thing about getting out in the world -- the more people you meet, the better chance you have of meeting at least one person with a little intelligence, compassion, and sense of humor. I used to think people were boring and stupid until I went to college and met a lot of people from people from very different backgrounds whose lives and jokes and opinions are actually really fucking interesting. I guess I'm still kind of information-centered, but when the information that I want is about the person I'm talking to, it makes it much easier to put myself out there and talk to them to find out where they're from, what they like, what they think about what's happening in the world, etc.

>>8452110
If I remember correctly, isnt hikkikomori more of a phobia than a preference?

>>8452184
*World is FULL of shitty people. Sorry, typo. Not wearing glasses. :P

>>8452185
In Japan, a lot of experts say it's a sociological disease caused by high parental expectations and the rigorous school system. One also said it was because of the close cultural connection between mothers and sons, causing a dependency relationship

It started growing up under a single mom household and no discipline or proper attention. I had some normal kid interaction, but for the most part I was a loner. As far as school I never did homework and skipped school frequently starting as soon as the 3rd grade.

Through middle school I had a fair level of social activity. I tried to fit in, was interested in girls and such, but I never accomplished much; nor felt like I was able to achieve any resemblance of normalcy.

By freshman year I had given up trying to "fit in" I felt that school really was just a "normal" people factory and I had no respect for the intelligence or morals of others. I did have a couple of friends that I could talk with and respect, but I never felt attatched to them, nor treated them like it.

I had still been ignoring doing homework and had failed a few classes my first year of highschool and I knew I would ever care enough to start. So I just never went the next year.

After a few years of being a hikki and doing nothing I had built up lots of anxiety about being inferior and feeling like I could never amount to anything because I didn't go through "the system" (mostly induced by the way my parents/family handled it) and went into depression. After a couple years I was able to get out of that through effort once I realized that my depression is mostly self-purpotrated through reading. I got on a /fit/ regimen and ramped up my introspection and ascened from depression to just being a hikki.

So here I am at 22, still a NEET, no longer a hikki as I could adjust to normalcy even if I hated it. I have as little respect for others as ever, and nearly no interest in taking part in society. Sadly, hard times are coming and the free ride is going to be over, and I'm going to have to become self-sufficient desipte my inherent lack of give-a-fuck.

>>8452212
Wow, pretty much the same story except I finished highschool (after failing a grade). Probably would've been better to just drop out and turn around for a GED, probably could have saved myself some trauma.

Also being 22 I'm pretty much at the do-or-die point myself. I just don't think I can live in the typical lower middle class worker's world. I don't need much money but I hate giving up my freetime to make rich people more money and I'm not smart enough to start my own business.

>be on varsity swim/water polo in hischool
>good shape
>diagnosed with ulcerative colitis
>spend time in hospital, get fat from steroids
>meds cause hardcore acne everywhere
>rich parents buy all meds/food/pay rent
fuck going outside

Homeschooling. That is all.

I was on the fast track to success. I was in a prestigious high school, I was one of the semi-cool guys, and I had friends. My father used to own a couple of computer repair shops, and business was pretty okay. I was supposed to inherit the business, but then the recession hit. The business that was supposed to be passed on to me got closed down fast, and due to piling debts, my father pussied out and hanged himself. Worse, my dad apparently owed a lot of money to some really seedy people, and now they're relentlessly threatening my mom to pay up. Fearing for our lives, we went here in Murrika, forcing me to just forget the life I had back home. It was only until a few months upon living here that my told me that we're actually illegals.

That alone made me lose all hope, and for the past 12 years all I knew was that I'm not going to be normal like the people around me. I was able to make friends, but that was lost in a few months as my depression was getting worse. The despair of not being able to achieve my goals because I lack some papers really got me, so I've spiraled into depression. Seeing the pictures of my classmates graduate couple of years ago over Facebook was painful and I haven't logged on since. For some reason, I was able to get into community college, and I have been there ever since... 9 years and counting. Yet, I still go to class and manage to pass them all; maybe I do it to deceive myself that I can still be normal, that one day I will be able to get out of this rut.

Then 3 years ago, my mom was able to marry a citizen, and it was just until last year that the both of us have been finally pushed to a legal residency status. Yay. Years of posting here has made me really cynical. But I am starting to pick up the pieces, and I might even transfer to a real university by next Fall.

I attended FIU for a year in 2006 and 2007, and it did absolutely nothing for me. None of my peers or classmates were very smart, and being a Southerner attending a school practically run by Cubans, Caribbeans, and Jews, I didn't share many commonalities with them. I was spending a lot of money, and I wasn't even really learning anything. It wasn't a good environment for me.

I decided not to attend any classes for my third semester, so I hit the books and devoted myself to studying Japanese for the next four months. My plan was to learn a bit of the language, fly up to Japan using money from a large injury settlement I was lucky enough to win just recently, get a job there, and progressively gel myself into the culture. I figured I could do a huge amount a learning - and since I am a photographer, I could tremendously develop how I see things artistically while getting some great pictures. That alone seemed to merit the trip's worth.

So I left late November of 2007 - it was a great time to go, as the dollar was extremely strong to the Yen. So I landed at Osaka airport with a backpack full of my most important belongings, a couple thousand dollars in cash, and no plans whatsoever. This was quite a mistake.

I stayed in Kyoto for a couple weeks, then Osaka, and no matter how much I tried to "immerse" myself into the country or how hard I tried to find even a minimal job, I couldn't quite grasp the language - and my handwriting was messy - so it made things excessively difficult.
>continued

>>8452390
After over a month of hopping around 5 major cities, I had no luck finding work. I found out a degree is quite necessary if you're a foreigner even for simple jobs. After that month passed I was so stressed and frantic that I couldn't even concentrate at all on photography.

I needed a job soon so I could be granted a green-card, so I decided to hike up to Hokkaido where I heard they're a bit more open-minded and accepting of foreigners. I consciously chose to hike nearly the whole way up – it would give me some needed time to calm my nerves, think clearly, and take pictures.

Day after Christmas I departed, and though I made very good time at first; about 12 miles a day, the journey seemed to be getting colder and more treacherous the further north I got. By the time I had reached Myagi, three weeks had passed and I was only making 3-5 miles daily. So I took the train the rest of the way up to Aomori.

So I boated over to Hokkaido, and I had 4 days to find a job in freezing cold weather before my visa ran out and I risked being deported. I had long since run out of film, but it didn't seem like I took many very good pictures. I was tired, colder than cold, and I wanted to go home. So I got a one way ticket back to the States out of CTS and did not look back.

So now, years later, I'm still living with my parents, doing my photography, and living a basically carefree life. It feels great; I feel like a little kid – without obligation or any major worry.

And that's the story of my recent life.
I plan on going to Japan again as soon as the yen goes down a bit in value.

I think I became the way I am due to a combination of all the things you mentioned, OP.

I do feel some responsibility for the my social isolation, but it's tempered by the reality of my life and relationships.

Just don't like to, or rather, require too much effort to interact with people, given my current lifestyle.

These days I just want to make money and fulfil my goals, and then go live in Nippon and become a samurai.

I have had no traumatizing social experiences, I was never bullied, I come from a home with mentally sound people, I had a social life up until the end of high school, and I was miserable.

I burned all of my social bridges after realizing that I was never happy with friends, I wasn't happy going places with shallow people, I got into anime and video games when I turned 18 and it has been a slow trek to being a /jp/er; I can say that I am happy not having to worry about anything but my enjoyment. I was always a little messed up though, I liked loli before I even liked anime, I got expelled twice during my high school years for violence and an unwillingness to listen to other people.

I am happy now, calm and enjoying myself. I know this is cliché but I honesty love /jp/ and I find you guys irreplaceable. I am in college and I am doing well there plus I am debt free. If even one person reads this I am glad that I have shared with you guys.

>>8452410
You should have taken the touhou line to Gensokyo when you have the chance while in Hokkaido.

I've always made retarded life choices and it's too late to try having a normal life now. I've never been bullied or abused, I just never fit in and made choices that'd ensure I'd never have a place in society, like dropping out of high school.

Quit deluding yourself, /jp/. Only a small vocal minority here are actually hikki/NEET. Stop putting it on a pedestal.

my family moved to another country

and here i am

>>8451694
>As hard as I tried

You should've tried even harder.

It goes for everyone. Even for myself.

Someone archived this?

>>8455354
fuck off

>>8452814
Quit projecting.