/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Get a domain name you fag
got.

People need to stop using MediaWiki for such small-scale projects. I mean it does the job and stuff, but it's overkill and has too much going on for a site with like ten pages.
There are better wiki implementations. I like Tablecat's: http://tablecat.co.cc/wikiwiki/
(no I'm not Tokiko)

>>8434888
The project still doesn't have a proper name yet, so I couldn't register a domain even if I wanted to.

What is this project even trying to accomplish?

>>8434916
Come up with a name then. It can be the first thing on your roster, and all of /jp/ can chip in suggestions!

>>8436897
Read the previous thread. I basically think it's an attempt to get /jp/ writing and making content. If it flops, it flops. Which it probably will. We might get something good out of it though.

>>8436945

but there are already some submissions

Making content for the sake of making content is as good a reason as any. I wish I was creative enough to contribute or intelligent enough to critique.

>>8436979
Just post words. As long as we post words, things will happen.

>>8436979
Just type anything. They're desperate for anything.

>>8434916
Visual Critque
Visual Critiki
IndieVN
VNdie
Weeaboo Lit Examiner
VN fap fest
VNbros
VNfags
VN no Maou
VN: Extra
VN: Unlimited
VN: Alternative
VN no Uta
Saya no VN
Anime Adaptation When?! (AAW?!)
Visual Novella

>>8436999
> Visual Critique
This has a nice ring to it. Sounds like it's more clever than it actually is. As though it's some sort of pun but it isn't.

I think it should have a more Web 2.0 name through. Like VisualKrit.ik (there's probably a .ik TLD).

Vienne.

"JP's Official Indie Visual Novel Collection - The Magazine"

JPOICNCM.

has anything been done regarding artists yet?

i've been watching the threads, and while i see the term "artists" mentioned, i haven't seen anything regarding progress or activity on actually getting any artists.

I want to write a pornographic ahort sty about three art students who draw eaxh other naked after class in art club and then they have sez. but, i am autisic. so, i dont think i cam write very well. i cNnot draw either, but, i could maybe make some crayon drawing. may be unintentionally funny, ne...

>>8437020
Jay poik encem?

>>8437020
U MENA `JPOIVNCTM'.

>>8437027
> I want to write a pornographic ahort
You're reaching for the stars a bit there, Anonymous--you can barely write a coherent sentence!

>>8437021
Doesn't look like it. There's one musician listed on the wiki, but no artists yet.

>>8436979
You don't need to be intelligent to critique. Even if you start reading a story and immediately drop it because there's no giant robots fighting each other in the first 5 sentences, you can at least complain about that so the writer knows some people will drop his story if there are no giant robot fights at the start of the story.

Personally, I find even 'it's pretty mediocre' without any arguments whatsoever better than complete silence.

Bump.

Bump. Not connected to this project, but I want it to take off.

EVERYONE THINK OF MORE NAMES.

Wait so is this magazine for visual novels or short stories or both or what?
I'm confused.

>>8439418
The one for short stories in visual novel form. The other magazine, Nocturnes, is for short stories in light novel form and has centralized decision-making rather than a voting process.

>>8440548
So what would be in the magazine? Like I'd download a .PDF or whatever, what are its contents? The stories? Reviews of the stories? Ren'Py 101?

>>8440561
No, the 'magazine' is a VN containing the short stories.

>>8441793
How is that a magazine in any sense of the word?

I am so confused.

>Name

What do you want to use, OP? Something violent? Elegant? Cutesy? Mysterious?

>>8441826
Just wait for Incompetent Leader to reply. It's not like anyone really knows but him, since it's more or less his thing and he hasn't said much about what exactly it would look like(to my knowledge).

One can presume that there would be some sort of magazine-like organizational element, though.

>>8441842
Vienne is all of those!

>>8441845

oh wow, it works

plus it lends itself to a possible mascot (Vienne-chan)

>>8441845
Did they teach you how to win in school or do you just do it naturally?

>>8441844
Yeah its really confusing. I think if op just took the time to do a quick sketch on how this will look like, then the confusion will hopefully go away. Because we have the stories, this time we really do need an example of what op is visualizing.

If I'm understanding this right, there had better be some weeaboo kids who meet up and tell these stories like the Midnight Society.

>>8441845
>>8441860
>>8441880
Hm, so everybody likes Vienne? All domains seem already taken for that, though. So...Vienne Magazine? Vienne Collection? Vienne Short Stories? Vienne VNs?

>>8445679
aiche tee tee pee slash slash vien dot enn ee isn't taken, and you don't have to be a ctizien of niger 2 get it

Bump.

>>8442046
The story with the cellar demon granting you wishes in return for sacrifice scared the holy spirit out of me as a kid. Even now as an adult I gotta admit it's kinda screwed up how this episode with such an adult theme actually aired.

>http://jpvn.dyndns.org/index.php/Murderball

It's the Hypercube + Battle Royale.

>>8442033
I apologize for the late response. I made a simple Renpy example of what I imagine the result to be.

http://www.mediafire.com/?7y3929fd58knbwj

Feedback of any kind is welcome.

I like Shining Arms.

no yandere VN in this season?

>>8445726
>It is particularly hard to register domains in Niger. The main reason is that the government has decided that .ne is only available to people or businesses that have a local presence there.
>
>I’ve heard a story that a person who was well prepared—he even had business documents showing a presence in Niger—still ran into difficulty with the registrar (101domain.com). I’m not sure if he ever got his domain.

Alright guys I have an intro to a LN story in two posts tell me what you think:

My name is Yukimura Sakurairo and I have a fetish for dicks. I recall one morning some years ago, I was on my way to the subway when I was sandwiched between a lamp pole and the hammish biceps of a hurried classmate. She hadn't even realized her folly until the frequency of my whine penetrated her cauliflowered and calloused ears (star of the female's wrestling team, she was prone to picking up these dirty infections).

"Oh my." Her voice was soothing and deep. Imagine blowing into a wind instrument, all the holes covered. "I didn't mean to dick you!"

"Wh...What!?"

"I said, 'I didn't mean to hit you!' Sorry, I'm late to practice!" She clomped away, a cartoonish dust trail in her wake.

So you see, my fetish for dicks is so strong that it affects even my auditory senses. Many an awkward situations have arisen from such misunderstandings: phallic shaped vegetables at supper time, Freudian slips amongst children at the arcade, the list goes on. Because of it, I have developed a sort of social anxiety.

>>8450616
I dropped out of high school during my second year and have never returned since. I receive checks from the government every month for my "disability." I play visual novels all day. I read manga. I watch anime. I have probably read everything you have. Don't doubt that I haven't.

But, my prolonged isolation has taken a toll. I seem to have lost the ability to properly communicate. I didn't mind so much. I was still being supported by the government and I was happy keeping to myself, but my parents felt they had to intervene.


"Yuki-chan, your father and I have decided to enroll you into a new school."

"Wlkahsfh?"

"Please, let us finish, Yuki-chan."

Father hides behind his newspaper and says nothing.

"The sudden development of your speech impediment is heartbreaking. What's even more heartbreaking is that you didn't tell us about it until your father and I came back on our annual vacation from work and found out about it ourselves."

"Glhdflhsfd!"

"Yuki-chan, it's very important that you finish school! So far we've let you down as proper parents. The penis unbearable for us!"

"..."

>>8450616
>>8450622
For a moment there I thought this was about a girl of which tongue suddenly turned into a penis one day, so that she now needs to cope with her new penis tongue and try to fend off crazy Baal Peor cultists who think she's the incarnation of their god.

By the way, is non-LNish stuff accepted? I've been wanting an excuse to write that Twilight/Cthulhu mythos crossover fanfiction where Edward is a deep one and Bella falls in love with his bulging fish eyes and wet amphibian skin that shines with indescribable colors under the sun.

>The Girl
eh

>Untitled story
Nope

>Murderball
Meatball Mulligan

>Shining Arms
Probably the best, given the demographic of VN readers. Nice and spare sentences, not too flowery, easy to read.

>Codename: It's so wonderful
Purple prose. Average reader won't go for this at all (I like it, though).

>The Princess Gospel
Author thinks he's James Joyce

/beingadick

I made a theme song
http://snd.sc/xSELnd

>>8445679

I'm still a fan of Jumbled Plots and Varied Narratives for JPVN, but Vienne isn't bad. Still working on my entry, it will be complete by EOM.

>>8450622
>development of your speech impediment
>you didn't tell us about it
Her parents are a couple of dicks.

>>8450673
I liked untitled story

>>8450616
>>8450622
But this is the VN magazine, not the LN magazine...

>>8450673
>Meatball Mulligan
What do you mean by that?

>>8450663
Any kind of story fitting the guidelines is accepted. Just don't expect a Twilight fanfic to be very popular in the poll.

Why about this, it's a comical story but I think it could work:

Anon want's to kill himself, everyday he stays in front of his computer writing time after time that he's going to kill himself in a otaku BBS, but for some reason he doesn't have the guts and keeps crying and trying to stab himself with an old kitchen knife, one day after drinking half liter of Vodka and crying for 2 hours he's ready, switches the computer, sits in front of it and raises the knife. In that instant an explosion! From the smoke appears a cute girl who later we know is his daughter.

She basically came from the future because she is a huge asshole and doesn't want to disappear even if it causes grief and pain to his young father, while the MC tries to kill himself, then more members of his future family start to appear, cousins, granddaughter...etc all them trying to stop him from killing himself, probably is right to give a route to his daughter, granddaughter and
“Put your idea here”, now after he banged the respective girl and is ready to marry it even if it creates a temporal paradox, but suddenly from the future appear his genetically defective descendants ready to stop the paradox and stop being..... defective? You develop from this point.
Time travel, depression and incest, what more do you need?

>>8450858
Coherence, good writing and some respect for the English language.

>>8450965
I forfeit

>>8450759
The protagonist is female? I'd assumed he was male.

Bump.

http://jpvn.dyndns.org/index.php/Reborn

Please be gentle.

>>8454495
Sorry, I don't have any gentle.

Don't prefix your text with 'this is going to suck'. Saying it when posting the link is okay (though I still wouldn't recommend it), but putting it in the main text gives the reader the impression it's not worth reading and makes the reader not take the story seriously.

The story starts out very interesting (despite the often awkward writing), but goes to shit after it's revealed it's just somebody waking up after attempting suicide. The whole I WAITED FOR ALL OF A COUPLE OF HOURS BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WOULD FAIL AT SUICIDE didn't really feel very special or interesting. The 'twist' at the end (So it's only natural to assume that you're mine, right?) didn't save the story.

The characters feel shallow and the dialogue feels unnatural and overly convenient for the plot.

You might also want to correct your grammar; re-read the sentences to make sure they read correctly and don't forget to add a period, exclamation mark or question mark at the end of your sentences.

The quality is indeed mediocre. I'd say it's not worth continuing, since at least for me the story stopped being interesting at the ordinary 'I wake up and get told what happened' part. There was nothing keeping me wondering how the story would unfold from that point on.

Oh, and it doesn't meet the minimum word count limit, so as it is now it's an invalid submission unless Leader makes an exception.

>>8450706
Jumbled Plots and Varied Narratives, no.

Jumbled Plots and Vapid Narratives, yes.

>>8454810
Yeah, I get what you mean. I kind of wanted to start a story with someone dying and somehow reviving and I couldn't think of something better. I eventually will report back eventually with a better idea and improved grammar and more words. Thanks for the advice.

>>8454810
Not the same guy, but you sure do give vague, hard to follow advice/criticism. I guess it's not your job to hold his hand, though.

>>8454896
Part of receiving criticism is asking the critic what they mean when you're not sure. If you don't understand what I mean by, for example, shallow characters, just ask what part of it you don't understand -- "Can you explain what you mean by 'shallow characters'? I've tried to ensure the protagonist is a clear 'victim of life' and the girl is slightly obsessive and insane, what part am I missing?"

(If you want the answer to that, there's not anything setting the protagonist apart from any other random depressed guy; what made him so depressed? What kind of history does he have? The girl hardly qualifies as either obsessive or insane - waiting for a couple of hours to save someone who wants to commit suicide is odd, but not unbelievable. The twist at the end comes out of nowhere - WHY does she want the protagonist to be hers? Moreover, their personalities are not reflected in their dialogue at all; they could've been conversations between any two random people.)

>>8455012
Well, I think the plot or the characters weren't the important part right now, since this is my first story ever I just wanted to know if my writing style is passable and whether I should bother with writing stories at all.

>>8455012
Ah, so you're willing to follow through then. In that case, forget what I said. Sorry.

>>8455055
>Well, I think the plot or the characters weren't the important part right now, since this is my first story ever I just wanted to know if my writing style is passable
How you present the plot is part of writing, and conveying the characters properly is also part of writing.

Ryukishi07 managed to write a story about a guy arguing with a witch that witches don't exist and got tons of people interested. Any idea no matter how brilliant will suck if not written well, and any idea no matter how stupid will be awesome if written well. Whether or not a plot is interesting fully depends on how it's presented. In your case, you succeeded in the first half (it's a guy who's about to die, big deal, been done tons of times - but the unusual passive way it's told makes it interesting despite that) while you failed in the second half (it's the usual 'I just woke up after an incident that made me lose consciousness, please fill in the reader on what happened' scene, and presented in a horribly standard, predictable and uninteresting way).

The same goes for the characters. There is no such thing as a 'good character'. There are only 'well-written characters'. For an example on this contrast, take Shinji from Fate/stay night. Everybody hates him. But that's exactly what makes him a great character - he was written to be a pathetic, arrogant, unlikable loser, and Nasu completely succeeded at evoking that reaction. In your case, although the narration gives a good impression of the protagonist, the dialogue is so standard that it could be spoken by anyone. The characters' personalities aren't reflected in their dialogue at all.

>and whether I should bother with writing stories at all.
Are you willing to improve? Then the answer is yes. Even if you're not very good right now, practice will make you overcome your flaws. Anybody can be a writer, but only if that person is willing to become a writer.

New submission received per e-mail: http://jpvn.dyndns.org/index.php/One_Week

Bump.

I wonder if it's still worth bumping the thread when nobody's saying anything anyways.

Question, if I want to write a story, and choose the ADV style, what happens when writing dialogue? Do I need to use a shitty format like
>Anon: "I always wanted to be the little girl."

Or can I write it like
>"I always wanted to be the little girl" Anon commented
And then whoever does the VN will adapt it into
>Anon
>"I always wanted to be the little girl."
In the small window of the VN?

>>8461866
Depends on the engine.
As an example, Renpy adopts aliases for character names, so it would look something like this:

a "I always wanted to be the little girl.";

>>8461918
My question is mostly how do I write it for the draft for this poll.

Will they later adapt it, or do I use that shitty format I said before?

>>8461564
there's been critique within the last week or so. there are threads on /jp/ which have been around for a long, long time and get less than one response per day, so it's not that bad.

people mostly respond to things they hate here. and trolls, /jp/ is always very good about making sure to respond to trolls.

>>8461970
The writing will not be modified in any way after the deadline. Please use that shitty format. If you don't, it's difficult to determine when something has enough emphasis to be written in addition to the speaker tag.

>Anon spoke to us nonchalantly, "Well, it's not like that's my problem."

can be just

>Anon: "Well, it's not like that's my problem."

or it could be

>Anon: "Well, it's not like that's my problem."
>Anon spoke to us nonchalantly.

as well as

>Anon spoke to us nonchalantly.
>"Well, it's not like that's my problem."

Which style best reflects the author's intentions can only be determined by the author himself, and asking this for every piece of dialogue is inefficient. Please provide the text as it should be used in the VN so you don't need to be asked about all the details later.

>>8462272
Oh, and there was an important variation I didn't mention.

>Anon spoke to us nonchalantly, "Well, it's not like that's my problem."

The above line is also valid writing in ADV style. Not every line of dialogue has a speaker tag. It's often used when the actual line spoken is of lesser importance and the fact that the character is speaking is more important.

>>8462303
>>8462272
Gotcha, thanks for the input.

What do people prefer for OELVN character names: Japanese names or Caucasian names?

Explanation is a plus.

>>8463420
Just go with whatever fits best.
Writing about samuari? Call them Satou and Hanako.
Writing about McDonalds employees? Call them Alice and Bob.
Writing about mages? Call them Aerith and Lothgar.
Writing about androids? Call them ALI-532 and BOB-241.
Writing about cavemen? Call them Ugh and Bugh.
Writing about secret agents? Call them Red and Black.

Any name's fine, as long as you can justify it in the context.

>>8464111
I am slighlty aroused by the fact that the "Bob" character is Hanako in the samurai setting

The two of you who said you liked Shining Arms made my night. Its been a while since I have felt this simply happy, and since at least one person liked it, it was worth the time to write. I say that and mean it despite how cheesy it is.
love,
the author

Bump.

Bump.

What about advertising this in other boards? I'm not saying /a/, but /lit/ might have some people interested.

New submission: http://jpvn.dyndns.org/index.php/A_Bunch_of_Nonsense

I don't think I'm going to make the deadline...

Bump.

>>8471365
I liked it.