/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I just want to be Satori's pet.

I don't really need a lover...

You can chat about many things that aren't related to your or other person hobbies... And even if you aren't good at talking then you can just listen...

Make up shit about the outside world.
Unless you are talking to Yukari then you will see through your lies

>>7609588
Speaking of Yukari, what could anyone offer her that she can't already get, experiences or memories included?

>>I am the rainman. I can make it rain.
>>CAN YOU MAKE IT RAIN ON DEM HOES?
>>Yes
I AM SO WET FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.

Too easy.

>>7609588
I can't think of a faster way to ruin a relationship than being a liar from the start.

Kidn of unrelated, but does anybody have that picture of a little girl with a tshirt saying "Sea of Lies" shaped like a heart?

I'm fairly sure it'd be easy enough to woo Yuugi so i'm set when it comes to Touhou waifus

>>7609611
No.

>>7609599
my dick?

>>7609611
Some people just want a one night stand, I guess. Maybe if they lie enough, they'll be able to get laid, once, before their partner realizes they're full of shit and kicks them out.

Doesn't seem very sustainable to me.

>>7609599
If you manage to get into Gensokyo you could get Yukari interested by telling other amazing feats from you life.

>>7609561
I'm not so sure, most of them (especially the older ones) must be pretty starved for dick. You just have to signal that you're ready to provide.

>>7609621
You plan on surviving after challenging Yuugi to a friendly bout?

>>7609623
Yukari put the border there for a reason. If a guy like you could manage to invade on your own, who knows what more prepared people could manage?

You would be seen as a threat.

Flirting? Sanae? There's really no need.

I think trying to "woo" a Touhou is the wrong approach. Personally, I'd hope to impress Reisen with a display of a good work ethic, benevolent demeanor, and loyal nature.

This, of course will never happen though since I'm still having difficulty opening the portal - so have some music!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKSrl1Lcqs0

>>7609638

That was uncalled for.

Youkai are egoistical monsters and some are born from inanimate objects. Do you guys really think that they would care about foreign human social constructs like relationships or even physical desires like sex?

>>7609638
”I'm sorry, but I think we should stay friends."

>>7609579
Or actually you can just become Stalker - hunt for youkais, fight for survival and defend humanity from horrors of Gensokyo...

Because you know - what might happen when you will happen one day and you will find mutant or other bloodsucker in your backyard...

>>7609656
>Youkai are egoistical monsters

So it'd be just like dating a girl?

>>7609661
Subtle burn.

>>7609661

"Thanks for the tea, Anonymous. It's been a lovely evening.

About what you said earlier... sorry, but I can't accept. I love you like a brother, and wouldn't want anything to ruin our special friendship."

I'm a big strong guy. I'd have no problems wooing my favorite touhou.

>>7609668
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9wgI6rCbY4

Best music! Disco for all stalkers of Gensokyo!


(Also I forgot name again lol)

Btw I think it's easy to talk with Yukari if you have any abilities - after all she likes to do cool things and you could join her in doing these things. Yukari is best Touhou (but obviously for great Stalker with ability to open portals she is easy modo!!!!)

>friendzoned by touhous

>>7609661
>>7609677

I don't know, I'd be fine with just being friends. That'd be preferable in most cases actually. But I don't think that would happen either. Oh well.

I show off my wizardly powers.

>>7609677
"Me? As yout life partner...? You have not noticed yet, but your life is like a flower: Beautiful, but short lived. I'm sorry, but I do not think I would be the most appropiate... woman... to be at your side."

I don't think it's possible woo Satori.

To block out the thoughts of licking her back i would think "poop poop poop poop", which isn't terribly attractive.

>>7609685
How many bullets per second can you shoot? More importantly, are they aesthetically appealing?

>>7609710
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDytjMeFgpw

What if this is my danmaku?

>>7609661
That made me tear up.

Okuu would no doubt be interested in the tales of our technological advancement in current modern society. I would finally get to put all my worthless knowledge to use and she would get to see the future of Gensokyo, and together we will build a new empire.

>>7609741
Or just give her a hard boiled egg.

well, best case scenario would end up with her trolling me endlessly but I'll probably end up dead anyway.
Oh well, not like I had anything better to do

今日もいいペンキ☆

>>7609656
But monsters want love too, right? Right? ;_;

>>7609852
At most, I believe, a superior being could only see humans as a sort of pet.

After all, they eat us, so if nothing else, we could be to them like a pet pig was to Fern. Doted on and loved, but just food that has an elevated status to the meat we eat.

>>7609895
Pet huh? Some people grow very attached to their four legged friends. Some women even fuck their dogs.

And since gensokyan youkai are mostly humanoid that makes it all the more of an option. And let's not forget that there are canon hybrids.

>>7609915
But would any form a loving and monogamous relationship with their pet cat?

Masters undress and get dressed, or even strut around naked around their pet, not because they trust them, but because they don't view their pet as an equal. After all, they're your pet. They won't feel any more shy around their pet dog than they would their favorite rocking chair.

And though the pet may well develop a romantic love for the master, that affection, while sweet, is unneeded and can even be an annoyance to the owner.
Plus, though it may not mean much here, if pedophilic relationships get denounced due to the power dynamic between an adult and child, what can come of a relationship between a pet and master?

>>7609954
so are halfbreeds abominations meant to be destroyed or ostracized?

>>7609975
They're the child born from lust between a youkai and human, no different, really, than a child born from the lust between an adult man and his pet chihuahua.

Genocide is deplorable regardless the reasons, but it would be impossible for any society to not ostracize and keep their distance from such children.

Not that that behavior isn't unnecessarily cruel to the children, but it is a natural response from society.

>>7609954
>Masters undress and get dressed, or even strut around naked around their pet
WTF, that's not normal! I always make sure my cat get's out of the room when I'm naked or undressing

>>7610058
If a normalfag were going to work, would they really shoo their dog out of the room before coming out from under the covers to dress?

>>7610077
It's being needlessly shy.

You aren't some moe quiet girl with glasses, stop acting like one.

>>7610061
yes. Whats wrong with that?

>>7610078
>You aren't some moe quiet girl with glasses, stop acting like one.
Yes she is.

>>7609621
I thought she despied humans

>>7610113
I thought all Oni hated humans because we're a bunch of lying, cheating scum.

>>7609954

>That feel when your cat/dog get's magically transformed into a loli so she can exercise all her latent fantasies while seeing you undress.

Oh, who are we kidding? Nobody would ever love us, much less flirt with us.

Just like those crossbreed youkai.

>>7610236

I don't mind too much. I already know that's my destiny. As long as there was adventure and fun to be had though, I wouldn't mind.

>>7610120
Actually, the humans figured that the only way to beat Oni was by cheating, poisoning, backstabbing and assorted underhanded methods. The Oni, no loger being able to bully the humans as they pleased, decided to call Humans cowards and then went to hide in Old Hell.

I'll show them I can lift heavy rocks.

>>7610408
I don't know...
Between Oni being unable to lie and Oni simply not wanting to due to pride, I think the latter is more liable.

I can't really understand what biological feature of theirs would physically prevent them from lying.

Now that i think about it i would exchange my only chance of going to gensokyo for a machinegun-rocketlauncher arm with a built in onahole

i don't want to get friendzoned by my favorite touhou ;_;

>>7611779
Suika lies. Sometimes. Not often. Suika is rare amongst Oni, and thus why she is a loner and the only active Oni in Gensokyo.

I believe it is part of their culture. Maybe they don't because they see lies as showing weakness (you need to hide something).

I just talk about my penis.
She can be 10,000 years old, bitch still wants to get on my dick.

>>7611856
Even that is depressing, though.

Oni seeing lying as a weakness, and hating liars because of it, must mean they hate Satori's family something fierce...

Youkai voluntarily becoming the "pets" of another youkai. If they see lying as a weakness, I can't imagine how much scorn they must view Okuu and Orin. And perhaps Satori herself, for accommodating them.

I can just tell them the hundreds of stories of how I went kerouac on Nazis with a greatsword in WWII. They don't know what the outside world is, they'd eat up my fantastic tales.

The idea is that youkai don't really get in relationships with each other, thus love is kind of a foreign concept to many of them.

Don't worry, it all works out.

>>7611885
this is why we can teach them these foreign concepts

>>7611911
Like polygamy and pedophilic relationships?

>>7611870
>kerouac
I don't get your speak

>>7611917
>pedophilic relationships

Completely off topic, but it struck me that every youkai must be into femdom as a rule. Any 200+ year old youkai must contend with either humans who are stupider, younger, and weaker than they are, or wait for a youkai of similar mien to appear, in the case of oni, kappa, or tengu.

In fact, any youkai who isn't a beast youkai must simply make do.
It makes me feel bad for any 1000+ year old youkai who wants a strong and smart man to hold them.

That is all.

You could tell stories, things like legends, history, or your own experiences. Even the most boring person on /jp/ has something interesting to say.

>>7612055
I don't think you understand the definition of boring.

>>7611960
>It makes me feel bad for any 1000+ year old youkai who wants a strong and smart man to hold them.
What are you talking about, I'm right here. I'm smart, I'm strong, and I would hold her firmly yet lovingly all night long.

inb4: not insecure enough for /jp/ gtfo, etc.

>>7612114
No mortal human could possibly call himself smart in the face of a being that has lived for a millennium.
And no sane man could possibly call himself strong in the face of a woman who could crush his lungs by sneezing in his general direction.

You're a fool, boy.

Pfft, everyone knows toe hoes are futa and engage regularly in ritual bukakke. They definitely don't need or want you.

>>7612131

Then the only answer is to become a Touhou, is it not?

>>7612126
Not compared to her of course, but compared to other men. Ever hear of the strength of ants being called impressive because they can lift 10 times their own weight? Yet their strength is infinitesimal compared to even a human infant. Still, it's a feat that's recognized and contemplated.

>strong and smart man
That's what I am. It wasn't written as "being with comparable power and wisdom to herself".

>>7612164
Ah, but what's the point of desiring a strong and smart man if he is still weaker and stupider than you? You could have a weak and stupid man and know no difference except if you compared them to other men.

No youkai could ever feel safe in your arms if she knows she break through the skin, muscle, and bone with just a slight bite.

While the ant is commendable for being able to be so impressive, a human infant still would not feel safe in the arms of a tiny ant.

I've thought about male touhous for some time (even made up a few), but the barrier between sockhead and autismal fanboi rage is impenetrable, even for Yukari. So yes, one must become a touhou, and the first step is to acquire a vag.

>>7612190
That made me think around

can i be with my favorite touhou if i am a Kamen Rider?

>>7612190

But then won't other people from the outside want to be our husbandos then create some huge Touhou creation cycle?

One example of a male touhou waiting to happen: the cheshire cat. Probably in a game where Alice (the real one that says "have you brought me a gift/your life, perhaps," not that disgusting ~dere knockoff) is the main playable character. Pre-danmaku dialogue would come right out of Carroll.

Other ones would be the white rabbit, the mad hatter (responsible for all Touhou head/hair accessories), the caterpillar, the mock turtle, tweedledee/dum, and the march hare. Well...crap, there's a full roster, including the cat.

>>7612186
>Ah, but what's the point of desiring a strong and smart man if he is still weaker and stupider than you? You could have a weak and stupid man and know no difference except if you compared them to other men.
It is inherently dubious to presume upon the motivations, capabilities, or insights of thousand-year old youkai.

>No youkai could ever feel safe in your arms if she knows she break through the skin, muscle, and bone with just a slight bite.
On the other hand, perhaps that kind of physical safety from harm is no longer a desire (as is often portrayed to be a universal one for mortal females), perhaps there are deeper and more complex appetities awaiting after centuries or longer of existence.

>While the ant is commendable for being able to be so impressive, a human infant still would not feel safe in the arms of a tiny ant.
This brings to mind a ponderous paradigm, namely that this "feeling of safety" and "in the arms of" is in many ways a primal and instinctive impulse. The reality of course, is that even the perceived strength of a man by his significant other is not rooted in reality. The fact of the matter is, any armed robber can overpower and still grievously injure the girl, or any other of a myriad examples where such strength or implied security proves only an illusion.

It seems not improbable that long-living wise youkai such as Yukari would be well aware of such facets of sentient existence on this planet.

It's best to just admire them from afar, Anonymous.

>>7612257

That's all I can do. But what shall I do then? There's nothing for me in this world.

>>7612263
>There's nothing for me in this world.
If you're going to an hero can I have your stuff.

>>7612263
Become better for her sake. Be the man you'd think she'd like you to be. You may never receive her love, but at least you bettered yourself knowing that.

>>7612269

I'm not going to kill myself, silly. Obviously I'm going to find another world if I can't go to Gensokyo.

>>7612276
That's a common complain amongst women, you know.

"Why do they always fix their defects AFTER he stopped dating me?!"

>>7612276

I am already working on that. But it's so boring here. I want to go somewhere fun and magical.

>>7612289
>common
>complain
>women
Redundant Award of the Day goes to you.

>>7612255
>It is inherently dubious to presume upon the motivations, capabilities, or insights of thousand-year old youkai.
You can't deny the foundation only when it suits you.

The original premise was a youkai woman who, unlike her friends who are into femdom, wants a man to hold her down, overpower her, and be smarter than her.

>perhaps there are deeper and more complex appetities awaiting after centuries or longer of existence
It is inherently dubious to presume upon the motivations, capabilities, or insights of thousand-year old youkai.

>The reality of course, is that even the perceived strength of a man by his significant other is not rooted in reality
The reality, of course, is that even the perceived strength of a man by his significant other can easily be tested if she were to try to overpower him.

>>7609621
Problem is, you have to be strong like a Western superhero to impress an oni...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2LA1bXBFbs

>>7612312
Or have a liver of steel.

This thread is truly brutal in how accurate it is... especially when you consider things in the opposite direction: What chance would you have of NOT falling for a youkai?

When a guy fawns about how mysterious or amazing a woman is, they're usually just an inexperienced schoolboy (or a terminally delusional, socially crippled NEET like us) putting women on impossible pedestals and thus sabotaging the whole thing. But a youkai a thousand years old, who can work magic? They really WOULD be impossible to fully fathom, mysterious, enchanting, terrifying, fascinating.

So you'd be quite likely to fall madly in love with them, in earnest, all while knowing you could never, ever have them - and the youkai woman would know all this, including your own realization of the hopelessness of it.

So even though you're so helplessly attracted to them you can't walk away or break contact, every day you'd have to squirm miserably knowing full well she knows how pathetic you are.

>>7609561
I could show her my phallic member.
She'd be amazed and stunned.

>>7612317
Genderflipped Doctor Who?

>>7612317
I think that's less love and more infatuation.

If that mystery part was gone, you'd not give a wit about her.

>>7611779
The idea that onis are proud and honorable is actually appealing, you know. You can trust that they will be loyal and true to their word. You can trust that an oni who is your friend will defend you to death.

>>7612309
>The original premise was a youkai woman who, unlike her friends who are into femdom, wants a man to hold her down, overpower her, and be smarter than her.
My mistake, I had missed th(ose) post(s) entirely.

>It is inherently dubious to presume upon the motivations, capabilities, or insights of thousand-year old youkai.
Not presuming, so much as humbly submitting certain possibilities. The line into presumption was not crossed.

>The reality, of course, is that even the perceived strength of a man by his significant other can easily be tested if she were to try to overpower him.
This raises other issues as well. Are there weapons involved? Or danmaku? Does she have the element of surprise? Are they simply going to arm wrestle? An woman with a gun can "overpower" any man alive, unless they virtually already on top of one another and even then...

>The original premise was a youkai woman who, unlike her friends who are into femdom, wants a man to hold her down, overpower her, and be smarter than her.
Hmmm, well insofar as Gensokyo is concerned, the only man for the job would need God powers, so ZUN.

>>7612317
You would be friendzoned by Gensokyo's entire fucking population.

Holy shit, that would really be hell...

>>7612330
>This raises other issues as well. Are there weapons involved? Or danmaku? Does she have the element of surprise? Are they simply
Goddamn, are you trying to look like an idiot, or does it just flow naturally from your fingertips?
If you have weapons with you in bed while fucking your beloved, making sure your lover is stronger than you is probably a complete nonissue.

>>7612336
That sounds fantastic.

>>7612336

I wouldn't really mind, in all honesty. Managing to be any of their friends would be fantastic in its own right. To live in a magical world, relaxing. Although it's not as if that'll happen either unless we somehow get some sort of power.

>>7612341
>Goddamn, are you trying to look like an idiot, or does it just flow naturally from your fingertips?
Goodness.

>If you have weapons with you in bed while fucking your beloved, making sure your lover is stronger than you is probably a complete nonissue.
So now this is during a session of sex in bed?

Well, it seems clear there's no good reason to agitate you any further, and the casual spitefulness displayed between Touhoutards is somewhat disappointing. Nevertheless, you remind me of a tale: that the wives of many samurai would welcome him into their bed already fully nude, so as to eliminate any possibility of concealed weaponry. No points are to be implied or inferred. That is all, nothing further.

People, people. Touhous aren't all youkai, there are humans, celestials, ghosts, gods, etc. among them.

>>7612388
Humans are like real women, and the rest may as well be youkai.

>>7612323

No no, "infatuation" is when somebody deludes themself into believing that another person is super deep and mysterious and special when in fact they are never *that* damn special, and never deserving of the massive marble pedestal the infatuated lover places them on.

In the case of a 1,000 year old magic-slinging youkai, however, it wouldn't be a mischaracterization of traits... they really would be that incredible. Thus it's something you can fall in love with, as opposed to something you'll inevitably fall OUT of love with when you realize it was 90% your own stupid delusions.

>>7609561

>>7613107
Is this the new "thing" after distorting the faces of characters on random images?