/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I went outside again the other night. It had rained heavily earlier and was raining off and on still. The water reflecting the various store and street lights was incredibly pretty. It made me cry as I walked.

I needed to buy my family Christmas presents. I went to the local bookstore. I had looked up the books online to confirm they were there, and what section they would be in. One book wasn't in the section it was supposed to be in. I became so incredibly nervous. I wanted to run out, but I thought I was already attracting attention to myself by pacing through the store trying to find the book. My hands were drenched in sweat. After about an hour I managed to find it. If only I had the courage to ask an employee where the book was.

I noticed several people reading manga at the manga section. I wish I had the courage to do something like that.

Waiting in line was the worst. I felt like everyone in like was staring at me. There were so many people waiting and the line moved so slow. The guy in front of me was talking very happily to either his girlfriend or wife. I wondered what it would be like to hold a girl's hand.

I was so scared and shaken that I quickly walked home through the now heavy rain. I still need to buy more Christmas presents. I don't think I can manage to do so.

Today I sat at the phone for over an hour trying to get up the courage to dial McDonalds and ask about my application's status.

My parent's haven't kicked me out yet. They would probably still be sad if I killed myself. I guess i'll wait to end my failed existence.

Sorry for the shit blog post.