/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Infiltrate Team 9
Skin and wear Wriggle.

I go to her flower field and start kicking flowers to get her attention.

Just go up to her and ask her. I've already made it into Gensokyo, my dream is fucking accomplished. Everything else is a pleasant extra, really.

Go up to the gates, have Elly let me in and knock on the mansion door.

I either get raped or I ask to borrow a cup of sugar, I shall repeat this every day until she grows attached to me due to her loneliness and the fact no one likes her.

Pretty easy. Tie her to her own parasol and fuck her

>Implying Yuuka would want anything to do fat lonely neckbearded manchildren.

>>6550119
Silly. Real /jp/ would be fairies and have fun.
Some others would like to be youkais and still take it easy.

If CYOAs are anything to go by, all you have to do is visit her flower field, somehow luck out into having her not kill you, and talk to the flowers. She'll fuck you after about a week of this.

>>6550138
That's a good plan, I'm going to steal it.

>>6550177
but where would you live in the interim?

>>6550188
Go find a hollowed out space under a tree. It's what all the cool youkai do.

>>6550138
Elly won't let you in unless you beat her at danmaku. Colored lights everywhere and that damn scythe is flying right at you... what do you do, what doooooo you do?

>>6550206
Appeal to her with logic and the sheer strength of my emotional conviction.

>NUKE HER FLOWER FIELD
question: Does her power weaken if all flowers of Gensokyo were to be burnt down?

>>6550119
I want to what? Why the hell do I want to do that again?

Find the damn lake, tell riddles to the ice fairy, get her to like me, marry her, have halfbreed fairy children.

BEST END

>>6550221
Why would it? They're just a hobby.

You now realize that in a realistic depiction Yuka would be about as unhinged as Catalina in San Andreas.

>>6550206
Elly is scared shitless from getting her ass beat by little girls last time and is all in all a shitty gatekeeper.

If I ask nicely I'll get in, in fact a lot of fights in Touhou could have been avoided with a cordial attitude.

>>6550250
True. But she's even more scared shitless of facing Yuuka if she lets you in without a fight.

>>6550119
I give up, change my tastes and head off to the Yakumo manor to seduce Ran instead.

>>6550265
This, except instead of going after Ran, make it my goal to become Yukari's human pet.

I would train under Marisa and Reimu then Youmu for the sword skills and then go whoop Elly. And then before I start the battle I would make a wager. If she wins she can do whatever with my beaten body, and I won she is my slave. I would then hope to win with every fiber of my body.

>>6550265

Don't blame you.

>>6550265
Sounds like a plan.

>>6550265
How do you plan to seduce Ran? Or even get to Mayohiga? Damn it Anonymous, you need to think things through! You can't just run into Gensokyo without a course of action!

I learn the ways of hermit form Kasen. Then I'll have all sorts of youkai going after my meat in a literal, but still hot sense.

>>6550378

All you have to do is get lost. Doesn't seem too hard.

>fuck Yuka

no thanks

>>6550378

he will reverse his age by 10 years, become a girl and get some cat ears and tail implants.

Then it's just a lead injection to the skull from making the trip through Yuyuko's manor and catching the Yakumos when they visit.

>>6550393
It's probably got an "if you're trying to get here, you aren't getting here" clause attached.

>>6550358
Holy nine tails, that's a nice find!
Source? Name? More?

Why is Ran so delicious?

>>6550177
>talk to the flowers

How high do you even have to be just to do something like that?

>>6550559

I can think of at least 9 reasons.

>>6550559
Because

>>6550559
She isn't. Highly overrated ball of fluff.

>>6550145

looooooooool

>>6550583
Studies have shown plants tend to grow better when exposed to music, it also works if people just talk too them.

I wish for Yuyuko and myself to become lovers.

>>6550656

>>6550559
Because in the end she will rape you

>>6550669
What a slut. Can't even attract dicks without threats of violence.

>>6550665
Perfect. Mortal beings pass on, but as a ghost I can be with Yuyu forever and ever.

I rather be under employment under the loli vampires and the perfect maid and the hikkomori librarian, along with the lazy gatekeeper.

>>6550908
> China
> Lazy

She's the only one in the house other then Sakuya that does a goddamn thing.

>>6550669
who did the translations for this?

>>6550908
Doing what, exactly? What skills do you have that the SDM would be in demand for?

>>6550988
Those things being standing next to a gate all day and completely failing to stop people who pass through?

>>6551004
Fucktoy.

>>6551004

massaging feet

I'd train my body and spar with Meiling, becoming best bros in the process instead. Hang out with Suika and Yuugi, too.
Fuck Yuuka.

>>6550988
>Implying she has done anything.
You must be doping. Name a game she was in where she played the hero.

>>6551019

>implying.

Go back to your shithole.

>>>/a/

>>6551019
Hisoutensoku.

giantcatfish.jpg

>>6550669
Oh god. Source, please.

>>6551010
>>6551012
The Mansion's residents would sooner eat you than fuck you, and unless they've got an athletics program they probably aren't looking for a masseuse.

If I were looking for employment with them I'd sell myself as an accountant and hang out in the library with Patchouli reading and occasionally making small talk over tea.

>>6551042
>>6550994
http://g.e-hentai.org/g/304775/65d1fee52f/

>>6551044
hi again

>>6551004
Provide my O negative blood. And provide support for when visitors attack.
>>6551027
>Hisoutensoku.
>Sanae Kochiya, Cirno, and Hong Meiling each have their own fears and dreams about the giant, and each sets out in pursuit of this roaming behemoth.
>Wat.png

>>6551053
Are you consulting a wiki for a Touhou plot? Get out of here.

>>6551044

>accountant

I doubt they would need anything like that.

>>6551074
The Scarlets are a noble family, I'm sure they need to keep their books balanced. Maybe they use fairy labor to produce crops or invest in some small businesses.

>>6551082

It kinda seems like they just take whatever they want/need.

>>6551071
>use wiki for short concise plot
>haven't played Hisoutensoku yet
>still playing Scarlet Weather to play with my perfect meido.
>problem.jpeg

murder random fairy, take it to yuuka and tell her i caught it trying to pick a flower

Crash at Marisa's. If that doesnt work I'll go to Keine's village and learn how to danmaku. Then go back to Marisa's.

I'll have to visit the prismrivers sometime or another too. Show Lyrica who's boss. Who am I kidding I'm terrible at piano.

>>6550147
Hard to take it easy with no food and shelter.

>>6550225
Fairies can't have children. Or sex.

The Scarlets need a Butler.

You see, Remilia is terribly lonely and unloved by Humans and Youkai.

Sakuya is her only true friend and how she gained her is a mystery as she is obviously no mere maid.

I would just sign on as a Butler and kind ear.

I would also ravage that library in my free time to become a decent mage, perhaps a Youkai,

>>6551091
Even if they just take stuff, they'll still want it to be profitable stuff.

You can't learn magic if you aren't born with some innate ability. The people of Gensokyo have had it in their bloodlines for generations, which is why the common folk can fend off fairies and weak youkai. Have fun begging (bribing) Reimu for help when team 9 shows up.

>>6551132
We dont need magic. You really think you cant overpower a little fairy, or girl like Reimu? Of course, I'm not including the Youkai like Suika who would kick my ass, but still.

>>6551132
Prove it.

Seriously, where does it say that one of us couldn't learn how?

The humans of Gensokyo cannot be too genetically different and magic never needs to explain and we might have innate ability but, no way to find out due the entire lack of grimoires and all.

>>6551021
>Fuck Yuuka.

OBJECTIVE COMPLETE

>>6551149
Now if only we could isolate the specific genes responsible for magical talent, and activate them all in a specific individual...

>>6551132
Good thing nearly everyone is born with some sort of talent in at least one area then.

I'd hang around Mokou and trade her cigs to help me build a sunflower garden. When she runs out of smokes I'll trade her some nicotene gum to burn Yuuka's flower garden and to get lost. Yuuka, broken hearted from her loss will take up residence near my flower garden and I'll go from there.

>>6551149
>doesn't read source material
I'm going to assume you also don't know that youkai have far greater physical strength than humans and can withstand much greater damage, which is why humans need magic to deal with them in the first place. Patchouli is an exeption, having much lower strength than a normal human.
Speaking of magic books, they aren't written in any intelligible language. If you don't have enough magical strength, you simply won't be able to read them.
Also, the different types of magic in Gensokyo are already identified. There is nothing to explain.

IN SOVIET GENSOKYO, YUUKA FUCKS YOU

wait, she does that in normal gensokyo too

>>6551216
>Says I don't read the source material
>Calls Patch a Human

She's a Youkai, never was a human unlike Alice.

Also, any language can be learned with time, intelligible or no.

Byakuren was a pre-sealed Genskyo human who used magic, Myouren, her brother, as well.

You haven't a leg to stand on, sir.

You don't know what you're talking about.

I wouldn't try. I have intense sexual urges like that all the time, it'll go away after a fap in the woods or something.

>>6551230
No, he just said Patchouli has less physical strength than a human. You should read more closely next time.

>>6551240
Regardless, I don't see why any of us couldn't use magic if given a shot.

Look at Byakuren and Myouren, they were ''normal'' humans, both sorcerors.

Gensokyo Humans did not start to stray from our type of Human until after they were sealed.

You are not going to accomplish your goal. You have a better chance of becoming the Premier of the People's Republic of China than getting to have sex with Yuka.

>>6551216
>>6551230
>>6551246
Heck, Marisa herself is a normal human who learned magic only after much toil and study.

>>6551259
Marisa is normal by Gensokyo by standards. But by our standards, this "ordinary witch" is freaking exceptional.

>>6551259
>"Natural" magicians are a subclass of youkai, and inherit this unique ability as being part of the magician race. Human magicians are not born with this special ability, but instead have practiced and trained to master the skill of a magician. However, human magicians must work much harder than natural-born magicians to achieve the same results.

Indeed, ''normal'' Humans just have to work their asses off.

>>6551230
>can't read
self-fixed.
The rest of your post reeks of denial and secondary, so I'll just stop here.

>>6551269
>Indeed, ''normal'' Humans just have to work their asses off.
And we all know how good /jp/ is at that.

>You somehow end up in Gensokyo
Okay.
>you want to fuck Yuka
Don't try to put thoughts in my head.

What Secondary?

Byakuren and Myouren predated Gensokyo being sealed, that's canon.

Gensokyo humans after being sealed are different, canon.

Byakuren and Myouren used magic and were just normal humans, canon.

You.Lose.

>>6551282
Completely different guy here, where does it say humans change after being sealed?

I know in my heart I will be in Gensokyo when I die
It's just a matter of time

>>6551284
>Having been separated from the rest of humanity, Gensokyo humans have ignored scientific advances and developed formidable innate spiritual power to survive. Today, the normal Gensokyo human is probably a little more powerful than the average youkai, but the population of youkai greatly outnumbers humans. Most humans live in the Human Village, but a few live in other notable locations.

No

>>6551284
>Although called humans of the outside world, and while their clothing, hairstyles and pattern of speech is different, there is no clearly defined difference from the people of Gensokyo.

As an addendum, this is also said of Outsiders.

No clearly defined difference, so I also don't see why we couldn't use magic with time.

We could just as easily develop spiritual power.

>>6551284
And this is all from Perfect Memento which is a canon source written by Team Shanghai.

>>6550119
tell the bitch to bend over and take it. simple.

But I dont want to fuck Yuka, why would I want some dirty old maid thats going to use me a fertilizer the moment I trespass on her land?

>>6551311
>Yuka
>maid
If by maid you mean the complete opposite of a maid, then sure.

You could probably learn enough magic to be one of those nameless grunts who fire a bullet or two before being mowed down effortlessly by Reimu, Sakuya, and even Cirno by the hundreds. All named youkai are exceptional. When they say "average youkai," they're including all the rabbits of Eientei.

>>6551311
Did you just call the flower of Gensokyo dirty? DID YOU JUST CALL HER DIRTY!?

>>6551318
All named humans are exceptional, too.
And you have a name, do you not?
QED

>You somehow end up in Gensokyo and you want to fuck Yuka.

Uh, ok.

>How do you plan on accomplishing your goal?

Uh....I don't?

>>6551330
Shes made of decomposed plants, shes the definition of dirty. Anyways, im off to work, anyways Yuka is cool and all, but I wouldnt want to be with her.

>>6551318
''Magician'' Class Youkai.

The fairy grunts are not considered Magicians, Magicians are always powerful but, it takes a lot of time and dedication.

Not many in Gensokyo bother.

Marisa is for all intents a purposes a normal human who slaves over books and steals them from the Scarlet Library in dedication.

The potential is there.

Dannamku is not a Magician-only game.

>>6551339
>Shes made of decomposed plants
Not even remotely.

All the magicians in Touhou are literal sold-their-soul-to-evil witches. The only way you're getting magic powers is if you follow some "evil" entity, and you should think twice about that in a world where you actually can be judged when you die.

Marisa -> Learned from Mima, an Evil ghost
Patchouli -> Lives with two devils(vampires) who let her use their magical books; assisted by a demon.
Byakuren -> Uses black magic that requires her to protect the existence of youkai to keep using it.
Mai & Yuki & Alice (& probably Byakuren since she was there for 1000 years) -> all witches from hell.(Makai)

>>6551145

Try to overpower that little fairy when she's throwing giant ice spikes at you.

>>6551404

Except it is confirmed that Patchouli was born a magician rather than becoming one. Though that might explain her physical weakness.

The other examples are viable though.

>>6551404
Sounds like a plan and since magic is rather easy pathway to incredible longevity and even immortality, I'll have no qualms selling my soul.

Shiki can bitch at someone else until I get eaten or killed in some Godawful way.

>>6551424
>Except it is confirmed that Patchouli was born a magician rather than becoming one

Being "born a magician" doesn't confer any special abilities to you other than that you're naturally talented at learning magic rather than having to work hard. You still have to learn it and you still have to figure out how to become ageless.

Flowers, lots and lots of flowers.

>>6550119
I craft myself a sunflower costume, in which I cut out a hole for my penis.
I then proceed to hide amongst the first row of sunflowers in my new suit and allow my penis to hang out casually.
When Yuka passes by, she will just think of it as a sunflower and proceed to pleasure me.

>>6551528
Does she normally walk around jerking off sunflowers?

What anime is this from?

>>6551612
Touhou. Stay safe, stay secondary.

>>6550119
>You somehow end up in Gensokyo

Cool! What ever shall I do?!

>you want to fuck Yuka.

Wrong answer.

>>6550206
When you've done all you can.

>>6551165

>>6551640
she looks like she wants to fuck

I'd learn how to keep a sunflower garden before I go to Gensokyo. I would then Go to elly and say what a wonderful flower garden they have nd would ask if her and Yuuka need a extra hand to tend the fields. She says sure and tells Yuuka. I then proceed to work and live there everyday, and eventually, because the two of them are some of the loneliest people in Gensokyo, I'll grow on them and proceed to procreate with Yuuka and possible Elly.

>>6552191

>>6552200
You know that was a merely an educational post for all those other than myself that wish to go to Yuuka, right?

>>6552206
Yeah I noticed that and I'm not certainly sure why learn about keeping a garden before going Gensokyo, instead Yuuka teaching you; everything cool

>>6552290
I said to learn about sunflower gardening before hand because it's going to be a lot more tougher to get her to teach you, and they'd be suspicious.

>>6552191
>the two of them are some of the loneliest people in Gensokyo
Nah. Other people would just hold her back, she's quite fine with her station these days.

Establish a healthy romantic relationship with her based on love, respect, and mutual lust.

>>6551812

There's quite a bit of stupid in that image.

>"Goofy-looking asocial" describes your average Renn. Faire carnie

Actually, carnies have to put up with a ridiculous amount of social contact, and I'd be surprised if any of them are asocial.

Also, carnies look goofy because that's kind of connected to their work. A carnie would look about average to other people in a normal setting.

Goofy-looking people are goofy-looking despite whatever work they do (or don't do), and don't have to be dressed up in a peculiar fashion to look goofy.

Also, Feynman is not as gorgeous as the cartoonist is letting on. He wasn't ugly, but he was about average. I certainly thought he looked a bit goofy.

Putting Feynman aside, though, he was just ONE intelligent man. You can't base generalizations off of a sample size of one. Anyone with half a brain would see you for the idiot that you are.

Yes I mad.

>>6552415
The point of the comic is to be as depressing as possible.

>>6552422

I know, and it failed.

>>6552434

Nah, it was actually pretty good, though I disagreed on similar points to you.

>>6552113
>she looks like she wants to fuck

No thanks. I don't want to end up like this guy after fucking Cirno.

No, Cirno's body is warm and soft

>>6551812
Misconception: This comic has anything about it that's true.

Truth: You're gay.

>>6551812
>The correlation between the two factors is therefore weak, although statistically significant, and these studies do not imply that there are no short people who are highly intelligent, or that changes in physical height have a direct effect on cognitive ability.

Lying sack of shit.

Height and IQ is bullshit.

>>6552578

Got any more pics like this?

It's SMBC, everything in it is bullshit. Take it easy.

I am arisu.

I stumble across a beautifully-tended little garden. You might not even notice it was a garden, except for the straw-hatted youkai carefully and lovingly squatted down with hori hori knife and warmly singing to the flowers. I was completely transfixed but after a few seconds I composed myself and pulled together the courage to greet this strange and wonderful creature:

"The freesia are really beautiful, aren't they?"

She turned to me and smiled before returning back to her work. There was dirt on her face, and sweat beading down as the hot sun beat down. A nostalgic feeling from before I became a magician trickled through my body, and for a few seconds I hesitate as I had done so many times before slowly turning around to go back home yet again. I had heard rumors about a flower youkai with a total disregard for all others, who would only react (but with utmost cruelty) if one dared harming even the most persistent dandelion. But having seen her myself I couldn't believe those tales; anyone who sang so angelically couldn't be such a villain. I must admit that I was terribly jealous of those flowers so beloved, and their blooms were crowned with the red rays of sun which made them truly radiant in the fading afternoon.

"Afternoon...?", I thought to myself. "...the sun was just up on high a moment ago..."

--"But not quite as radiant as your blushing face"

My hands clapped to my face. There was no way that could happen, not since I had renounced the transient life of a human to this austere calling. Was she making fun at me? Perhaps maybe she wasn't such a scary youkai--after all, the villagers used to think so of me even when I was but the weakest of human magicians, no more than an amateur after all. Gristly imagery and a sickening cracking sound penetrated my consciousness.

I thought I saw the faintest of smiles, and I seven-colored out in a burst of purples, greens and red.

/goodend

If no one is smart enough to use my advice, be prepared to die and respawn over 9000 times.

>>6555200
Hey, it's better than dying and respawning 0 times.

>>6555207
Then I guess you'll be having a better relationship with Shikieki than Yuuka or Elly.