/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Sometimes I wander what Reimu's balls would smell like.

QUALITY THREAD

>>6260970
counter-sahgeh

>>6260967
Cats. You know they turn into cats, right?

Gensokyo Mad Libs

Boring Love

Sakuya finished packing. Ever since Remilia, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Sakuya had been sharp.

There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing stabbed her, all was delicious. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on a horse to become a tempting pad.

Just then, there was a hellish knock at the door. Sakuya opened it and stood there hauntingly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her belly.

When Sakuya came to, Remilia was holding her leg and looking awesome. "My love," Remilia said restlessly, "I'm sorry for the sexy shock. I've been shipwrecked on a pretty island for the last ten years, living like danmaku everywhere. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my arm in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Sakuya could hardly believe her Remilia had returned. "I will always love you, arm or no arm. Besides, you can cover it up with a knife."

They embraced sleepily and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was pure.

pREFC woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one warm box that looked like a knife.

Then pREFC noticed that Remilia was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.

pREFC thought that he would surprise Remilia. Maybe even sneak up behind her and kiss her on her cute leg. That always made Remilia magnificent.

pREFC crept desperately down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its beautiful lights, and the presents, heaped up lovingly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Remilia. Kissing someone.

pREFC was so angry, he picked up a soul from a table and threw it worriedly on a forest.

>>6261113
god, how pathetic can you be?

>>6261123
pfft, you haven't seen nothing.

A Sun In Time

On a gilded and magnified morning, Utsuho sat in Gensokyo. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her dick ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Satori to love someone with a disregarded dick?

Indiscriminately, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like an overflowing envious crusader, all on a summer's day. I wish my Satori would probe me, in her own athletic way..."

"Do you?" Satori sat down beside Utsuho and put her hand on Utsuho's dick. "I think that could be arranged."

Utsuho gasped exponentially. "But what about my disregarded dick?"

"I like it," Satori said fiercely. "I think it's orphaned."

They came together and their kiss was like the power of a thousand nuclear explosions..

"I love you," Utsuho said transparently.

"I love you too," Satori replied and probing her.

They bought a raven, moved in together, and lived freshly ever after.

Buttery Lang Syne

Kogasa sipped repeatedly at her drink and stood buttery behind a Pyonta-kun. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel delicious and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how dripping her foot got when she was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Kogasa knew very well why she was at the party: to see Sanae.

Ah, Sanae. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her sweaty vagina made Kogasa's heart beat like several years of experiencing the pleasure of being cummed inside.

But tonight everyone was masked. Kogasa peered autistically through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Sanae. There, she thought, the woman over by the panties, the small one with the Tewi mask. It had to be Sanae. No one else could look so sensual, even in a Tewi mask.

She began to walk Kogasa's way and Kogasa started to panic. What if she actually talked to Kogasa?

Sanae came right up to Kogasa and Kogasa thought that she was going to faint.

"Hello," Sanae said discretely. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the vaginal fluid," Kogasa said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so sexy.

Just then, a goey voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Kogasa's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Sanae might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Sanae swept Kogasa into her arms, bent her on a flaming surfboard, and kissed Kogasa arousingly, slipping her the tongue and groping her tongue.

>>6261179
Kogasa could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out faintly and pulled Sanae's mask off her face. It was Sanae! "I knew it was you," Kogasa said and took her own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Sanae said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Kogasa watched her go. She would be right back, Kogasa was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.

And then they would fall in love.

This didn't work out quite the way I planned


I'm Dreaming Of A Pleasent Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Rika sat lovingly on the bed, sipping cute eggnog.

She looked at the smoothe bed hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Satoko had hung it there, just before they looked at each other gently and then fell into each other's arms and fucked each other's penis.

If only I hadn't been so moe, Rika thought, pouring a lonely amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Satoko might not have got so beaming and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a caring tear and held her head in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then an adorable voice lifted carelessly up in song.


I'm dreaming of a pleasent Christmas

Just like a brilliant beam of light
Rika ran to the door. It was Satoko, looking soft all over with snow.

"I missed you shyly," Satoko said. "And I wanted to fuck your penis again."

Rika hugged Satoko and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Satoko said.

"I think so too," Rika said and they fucked each other's penis until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted cat chest and lived roughly until Rika got drunk again.

>>6261194
Huh, refreshing it made it come out a lot better.

A Dick In Time

On a beaming and moe morning, Rika sat on the bed. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her penis ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Satoko to love someone with a soft chest?

Roughly, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a pleasent lonely floor, all on a summer's day. I wish my Satoko would fuck me, in her own caring way..."

"Do you?" Satoko sat down beside Rika and put her hand on Rika's head. "I think that could be arranged."

Rika gasped lovingly. "But what about my soft chest?"

"I like it," Satoko said shyly. "I think it's cute."

They came together and their kiss was like a brilliant beam of light.

"I love you," Rika said carelessly.

"I love you too," Satoko replied and fucked her.

They bought a cat, moved in together, and lived gently ever after.

A Huge Day To Lick

Remilia stepped ferociously out into the vehement sunshine, and admired Reimu's dick. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a small sight."

Reimu climbed off the window and walked briskly across the grass to greet his lover. Remilia patted Reimu on the cunt and then tried to lick him awkwardly, but without success.

"That's all right," Reimu said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not fabulous," Remilia. "Not as fabulous as the time we licked inside the crevice."

Reimu nodded suggestively. "We were slutty back in those days."

"Our armpits were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Remilia said. "Everything seems vivacious and lazy when you're young."

"Of course," Reimu said. "But now we're colorful, we can still have fun. If we go about it passionately."

"Passionately?" Remilia said . "But how?"

"With this," Reimu said and held out an erotic Gungnir. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to lick."

Remilia swallowed the Gungnir at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to lick passionately. They licked like a fiery serpent. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

An Otaku Occurrence

Anon paced up and down, jiggling his anus. His very good friend, Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon, had arranged to meet him here on /jp/. "I have something detestable to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Anon expected to see her bounce up, her fatass hair streaming behind her and her horny eyes aglow.

Anon heard footsteps, but they seemed rather vulgar for a delicate and butthurt girl like Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon, whose tread was faggot. He turned around and found Meido staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Meido said sheepishly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Anon had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so dauntingly. "Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Meido, his finger began to throb gradually.

"Oh," Meido said, angrily. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Anon said and caught Meido by her tongue. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Meido said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like banning shit posters every hour.

From behind a broom, Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon watched with a shitty light in her smelly eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Anon/Meido". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the Zun!BAR from extinction.

The Miracle Of The Dick Beast

Dick hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like dicking a million dicks. He loathed it.

Every December, Dick would feel himself getting all dick inside. He refused to put up a Christmas dick, he snapped at anyone dick enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Dick had to go to the mall to buy a dick dick. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing dickily around and so much Christmas music blaring dickily, he thought his dick would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a dick woman collecting for charity. Dick never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the dick woman dropped his bells and ran on my dick. There was a dick dick beast right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the dick woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Dick rushed out and dickily pushed them both out of the way. There was a dick bang and then everything went dark.

When Dick woke up, he was in a dick room. There was a Christmas dick in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Dick's dick hurt. A lot.

The dick woman came into the room. "I'm so dick!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Dick. You saved me from the truck. But your dick is broken."

Dick hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas dick up and his dick was broken, he felt quite dick, especially when he looked at Dick.

"Your dick must hurt dickily," Dick said. "I think this will help." And she dicked Dick several times.

>>6261189
Fuck you.

An Otaku Occurrence

Anon paced up and down, jiggling his anus. His very good friend, Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon, had arranged to meet him here on /jp/. "I have something detestable to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Anon expected to see her bounce up, her fatass hair streaming behind her and her horny eyes aglow.

Anon heard footsteps, but they seemed rather vulgar for a delicate and butthurt girl like Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon, whose tread was faggot. He turned around and found Meido staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Meido said sheepishly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Anon had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so dauntingly. "Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Meido, his finger began to throb gradually.

"Oh," Meido said, angrily. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Anon said and caught Meido by her tongue. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Meido said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like banning shit posters every hour.

From behind a broom, Mary Sue Reimu's ribbon watched with a shitty light in her smelly eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Anon/Meido". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the Zun!BAR from extinction.

Now Dick felt very dick indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Dick. "I love you," he said, and kissed Dick dickily.

"I love you too," said Dick. Just then, the dick beast ran into the room and nuzzled Dick's dick. "I brought him home with us," Dick said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Dick said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

>>6261253
I didn't make it. I wanted a sweet Kogasa x Sanae fic ;;

>>6261253
oh darling, don't listen to them

>>6261273
Ehehehe, ok~

>>6261261
Ok, I can believe that...if you try again.

this kogasa x sanae faggotry (samefaggotry) is among the worst things on /jp/ at the present time.

With Great Impetus Tripping

Sussman tripped along lispingly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Abelson, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a snake hopping along, carrying a snake in its mouth.

Sussman was almost from his crotch when he came across a satoric cake, lying alone on a retarded plate. "That must be a treat from my small bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked big, so he ate it.

It gave him the most lisplike tingling sensation in his lung. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Abelson.

When Abelson came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Sussman cried swiftly.

"Your brain! And your heart!" Abelson said. "They're dyadic! Can't you feel it?"

Sussman felt his brain and his heart. They were indeed quite dyadic. "Oh, no!" Sussman said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that satoric cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Abelson said. "I got you a SICP. It must have been that obolescent man who lives nearby. He acts a little quietly, ever since he compiled a Python."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Sussman sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Abelson said satorically, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your brain is really indeterminate like that."

"Really?" Sussman dried her tears. Sussman kissed Abelson and it was an entirely monadic sensation, like a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes.

They spent the night having entirely monadic sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

>>6261286
Your samefag detector is in need of repairs.
...but if it's REALLY bothering you THAT much, I'll stop on my end.

>>6260965
The Adventure Of The Snake

Sussman and Abelson were out for a satoric Valentine's walk from his crotch. As they went, Abelson rested his hand on Sussman's heart. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so indeterminate, Sussman was filled with obolescent dread.

"Do you suppose it's big here?" he asked lispingly.

"You small silly," Abelson said, tickling Sussman with his SICP. "It's completely monadic."

Just then, a retarded snake leapt out from behind a snake and compiled Abelson in the lung. "Aaargh!" Abelson screamed.

Things looked lisplike. But Sussman, although he was dyadic, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a Python and, like a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes, beat the snake satorically until it ran off. "That will teach you to compile innocent people."

Then he clasped Abelson close. Abelson was bleeding with great impetus. "My darling," Sussman said, and pressed his lips to Abelson's brain.

"I love you," Abelson said swiftly, and expired in Sussman's arms.

Sussman never loved again.

A Sofa In Time

On a magnificent and sharp morning, Richter sat in Dracula's Castle. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His head ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Sakuya to love someone with a lazy thumb?

Strongly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a soft glittering knife, all on a summer's day. I wish my Sakuya would exorcise me, in her own fabulous way..."

"Do you?" Sakuya sat down beside Richter and put her hand on Richter's arm. "I think that could be arranged."

Richter gasped slowly. "But what about my lazy thumb?"

"I like it," Sakuya said violently. "I think it's lewd."

They came together and their kiss was like a steamroller falling from the sky.

"I love you," Richter said modestly.

"I love you too," Sakuya replied and exorcised him.

They bought a bat, moved in together, and lived vigorously ever after.

>>6261303
that would be great, thanks.

The Battle For The Tears

On the ground, Battler licked his tears. He had been busy with the tears for hours and now wanted nothing more than an ecstatic cuddle or a tsundere massage from his lover Beatrice.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his wonderful Beatrice appeared at the door, grinning quickly.

"Put down the tears," Beatrice said hungrily. "Unless you want me to lick that tears on your hair."

Battler put down the tears. He was horny. He had never seen Beatrice so delicious before and it made him happy.

Beatrice picked up the tears, then withdrew a sex from her penis. "Don't be so horny," Beatrice said with a delicious grimace. "A golden butterfly bit my hand this morning, and everything became lovely. Now with this tears and this sex I can hungrily rule the world!"

Battler clutched his magical hand rapidly. This was his lover, his wonderful Beatrice, now staring at him with a delicious penis.

"Fight it!" Battler shouted. "The golden butterfly just wants the tears for his own wonderful devices! He doesn't love you, not the ecstatic way I do!"

Battler could see Beatrice trembling rapidly. Battler reached out his hair and touched Beatrice's penis hungrily. He was wonderful, so wonderful, but he knew only his magical love for Beatrice would break the golden butterfly's spell.

Sure enough, Beatrice dropped the tears with a thunk. "Oh, Battler," she squealed. "I'm so ecstatic, can you ever forgive me?"

But Battler had already moved on the ground. Like a mollusk, he pressed his hair into Beatrice's penis. And as they fell together in a lovely fit of love, the tears lay on the floor, happy and forgotten.

A Horny Day To Fap

Anon stepped angrily out into the fatass sunshine, and admired Meido's finger. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a smelly sight."

Meido climbed off the broom and walked hastily across the grass to greet her lover. Anon patted Meido on the anus and then tried to fap her gradually, but without success.

"That's all right," Meido said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not faggot," Anon. "Not as faggot as the time we fapping on /jp/."

Meido nodded sheepishly. "We were shitty back in those days."

"Our tongues were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Anon said. "Everything seems butthurt and vulgar when you're young."

"Of course," Meido said. "But now we're otaku, we can still have fun. If we go about it rapidly."

"Rapidly?" Anon said . "But how?"

"With this," Meido said and held out a detestable Reimu's ribbon. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fap."

Anon swallowed the Reimu's ribbon at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fap rapidly. They fapping like banning shit posters every hour. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Medicine Melancholy and Orange went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Medicine Melancholy hit Orange in her pussy with a big sextastic iceball. It hurt a lot, but Medicine Melancholy kissed it frequently and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really yabba-dabba-doolicious snow man!" Medicine Melancholy said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Orange said. "That would be more screamadelic and politically correct."

"I know," Medicine Melancholy said. "We can make a snow snake. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up lustfully and made a Scooby-dooy snow snake. Medicine Melancholy put on a schlong for the artery. The snake was almost as big as Orange.

"It looks stealthy," Medicine Melancholy said cock-gobblingly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Orange said and held up a vague book. "I found this within a cock." She put the book onto the snake's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the snake, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like the Ramones self-titled.

Orange screamed irritatedly and ran but the snow snake chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow snake shagged her seldom.

"Nobody does that to my little Round Garage," Medicine Melancholy screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow snake through the trachia. It fell down and Medicine Melancholy kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Orange said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The book lay in the yard until a funky child picked it up and took it home.

Richter and Dracula
by William Shakespeare

Enter Richter

Dracula appears above at a window

Richter:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the HYDRO STORM, and Dracula is the wolf.
Arise, displeasing wolf, and whip the boring cash.
See, how he leans his hand upon his armpit!
O, that I were a glove upon that armpit,
That I might touch that hand!

Dracula:
O Richter, Richter! wherefore art thou Richter?
What's in a name? That which we call an eye
By any other name would smell as sexy
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "Die monster! You don't belong in this world"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove pure.

Richter:
Swain, by yonder boring cash I swear
That tips on a miserable pile of secrets the hot pot roast--

Dracula:
O, swear not by the cash, the iridescent cash,
That quickily changes in its naughty orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise naughty.
Sweet, delicious night! A thousand times delicious night!
Parting is such desperate sorrow,
That I shall say delicious night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Richter:
Sleep dwell upon thy hand, peace in thine armpit!
Would I were sleep and peace, so strongly to rest!
pervertedly will I to my displeasing eye's cell,
Its help to whip, and my sexy eye to tell.