/jp/ - Otaku Culture

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I call bullshit. It's noon and I'm going for my 10th time.

>20 times

GIVE THIS MAN THE BURIAL OF A HERO

My record is 27 times. This kid's weak or the story is bullshit.

>>6166766
I guess you could say he couldn't beat your record

>>6166797
YYEEEEEAAAHHHH

just goes to show you should never go into a situation half cocked

>>6166797
>>6166815
NO!

>>6166821
How bout now?

>>6166853
Yes.

>>6166853
...Why?

>>6166866
Because. Anyways, this kid died the way I'd love to go out, fapping. A lot.

I wonder what the kids at his school think of him.

>>6166869
Well just a bit of criticism you kinda make the skin a bit too dark.

>>6166877
That's what a real black person looks like.

>>6166877
People bitched earlier on about it not being dark enough, so I made it "Sierra-Leone" black, I'll probably start putting out 3 versions to each one, African Queen, Mild, and Mocha.

>>6166886
...I don't think i have ever seen a person that dark before.

>>6166898
Want a black Mitori?

Are we sure this wasn't an assisted suicide? I'd hate to think someone else had a hand in this.

>>6166936
Only a light tan please

>>6166987
How can you assist someone with something like this? If he was tied up and forcefully jerked off, there would have been bruises from him struggling. If there were drugs involved they would have found traces of it in the autopsy. I believe the kid just found out how to masturbate on that day and realizing what he's been missing, took it too far.

>>6167009
Oh come on, he made a pun.

>>6167014
Oh, I see.

BS, kid obviously overdosed on SOMETHING, probably cheap speed knowing Japan, police/family cover it up with moronic story so they don't lose face.

If whacking off gave you heart attacks, I'd be dead by now. Going on an amphetampine/masturbation binge, that'll do it.

>>6167036
That's plausible. That shit can really mess with your heart.

>>6167045
BUT NO DRUGS IN GLORIOUS NIPPON HIGHSCHOOL

blame porno

>according to doctors, his testis were found to have secreted an abnormal volume of sperm, causing the boy to die from cardiac arrest after his brain became over excited..

Medfag here, this is grade A bullshit.

No "doctor" would ever say something as vague and idiotic as this. I don't even care if it's second hand or third hand information, this is so obviously made up.

First of all, you cannot die of cardiac arrest because your BRAIN got over excited. That's just not how it fucking works. I have no words to convey how much the stupid of that statement burns.

Second, testes do not SECRETE sperm, and certainly not by volume. They create sperm cells, yes, but these are not measured in "volume" so there's no abnormal volume to speak of. Semen is actually stored in little sacks in the prostate and it gets its "volume" there.

Also, an autopsy cannot confirm how many times someone has masturbated over the course of the previous day. That would be retarded. What do you think testes do, keep a score somewhere like sketching it on the inside of your scrotum? All an autopsy can show is if there have been any ejaculation in the past 12 hours. That's pretty much it. And even that is very rarely checked because, shock and surprise, PEOPLE DON'T DIE OF TESTICULAR PROBLEMS OFTEN. And when they do, it's because of blood loss or cancer.

Massive secretion of sexual hormones can cause a lot of stupid shit, but not death by fucking cardiac arrest. Now, if I wanted to pass this off as a legitimate news, at least I would make up some shit about sympathetic nervous system overstimulation by adrenalin and cortisol and how the kid had a CMP or Cushing's.

>>6166996
Have fun

I liked this version better

>>6167105
>>6167097
Thank you ^ ^

>>6167092
>What do you think testes do, keep a score somewhere like sketching it on the inside of your scrotum?
I figured it was like telling the age of a tree, you just need to count up the rings on the testes.

Poor boy it was peobably his first time

>>6167136
Who the fuck taught your biology class?

>>6167136
This is a theory worth researching. Go cut your balls in the center and see if there are any rings there and if they correlate to your fap count.

Pay no heed to the spurting blood and the horrible screaming.

>>6166766
I've never made it past 6 ;_;
>>6167036
Well, the story sounds like BS, but how can anyone think that becoming internationally known for masturbating to death is less shameful than just local rumours about overdosing on drugs?

>>6166815
Don't make fun of the kid. I'm sure his family is taking the news of his death pretty hard.

Link to story, please.