/jp/ - Otaku Culture

You are so right. ;_;

Well, duh.

>/jp/
>Outside
wwwwwwwwww

If you ran into your waifu on the street, you would immediately panic and end up making an ass out of yourself because WHY IS SHE HERE SHE'S DEAD I KILLED HER DEAD PEOPLE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO WALK AROUND

>you would immediately panic and end up making an ass out of yourself
Considering I don't ever leave the house that would be expected.

I would trip, and in her horror she would help me to my feet, I thank her, suave in, and eventually date/make love to said Waifu.

But yeah, technically making an ass of myself.

I wouldn't make an ass out of myself because I would never have the courage to go speak to her/ask her out. Especially if it's out in public and not one on one.

Deathly scared of rejection + deathly scared of public humiliation.

>>6144537

Shiki go home and stub your toe on a chair

Who wouldn't panic seeing a 2D person in a 3D World.

>>6144547

Assume that you're in a convenience store and you run into her there, nobody else but you two. This is reasonable since...well, /jp/ has to leave the house sometime to get food.

I'd probably hide before she saw me.

I'm pretty sure you'd freak out if you saw 2D IRL too, OP. No need to act smug.

Yes, OP, you're totally right, and I can prove it.

A while back I met Yukari's IRL equivalent and choked, much to /jp/'s disappointment

If I ran into my waifu on the street I'd apologize, help her up, pick up whatever she dropped, and move on.

>>6144564
This, then plot my next course of action.

>>6144581
Oh anon, you're so funny.

>>6144570

You ran into a woman in her mid-thirties with an air of elegance?

>>6144570
How were her tits?

>>6144581

If it was someone fragile like Patchy, then you could have seriously injured her in that case.

>>6144570
>Yukari's IRL equivalent

You met cthulhu?

>>6144581
One time this girl dropped her purse at the store in front of me. My stepdad nudged me like I should help her pick up her stuff. She thought I was trying to take her money. It was really awkward.

Somehow I doubt i'd survive an encounter with my waifu either way.

The last not real girl I kinda wanted to fuck died at the end of the book anyway ;_;.

No waifu for me.

Everyone thinks I'm creepy before I even open my mouth
I'm a 1.97 meters Mexican and I usually have black bags under my eyes because of the lack of sleep.

>>6144601

>my waifu

...You. Back the fuck off. Right now. She's mine.

>>6144599

http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/5908853#p5908869

>>6144617
Not you again.
Come to think of it, we never did our love demon trial, did we?

>>6144621

Nope, but here's Bern in street clothes. I ran into her first which is how I got this. So, I win.

>>6144617
>>6144601
>implying Bern would be the waifu in any relationship

>>6144620

You should have done something, but it'd be weird if you mentioned it as a dumb joke and she immediately got serious and asked "How do you know about Chen? Don't tell me you know about Ran, too."

>>6144523
My heart would skip a beat, I'd sneak a picture of her if I had a camera, just to treasure for the rest of my life because she deserves somebody better than me.

>>6144643

Well, I constantly refer to her as my mistress. She's both, really. I'm completely loyal as far as she knows; there was a one-time fling with Reisen but she's also incredibly dominating.

>>6144523

Worse. I would probably act casual and she'd figure I was gay or not interested.

>>6144655

Fuck, forgot trip.

>>6144639
>Implying that if you run into a woman before someone else first, it means you automatically have the right to be with them

Fail.

>>6144654
This attitude is why you will never have the things you want.

>>6144665


She's still mine. Take it up with these two if you have something to say about it.

>>6144691
I don't need to go to those two. Bern is already my waifu, after all. You're just a delusional lonely NEET in a basement.

Really though, not a single person have would have the courage to speak to his waifu, much less ask her out.

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

>>6144708

She's mine. No one will take her from me, especially not you.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"..."

"Not really."

"..."

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"..."

"Yeah. Strange."

"..."

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

And then you realize you were talking to your monitor

>>6144712
Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

>>6144719
"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

>>6144725

She does. She's on my bed right now.

>>6144715
Whatever helps you sleep at night~

>>6144719
Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

>>6144523

"...Mokou. What in the world are you doing here?"

"What-- who are you?"

"Nobody in particular. Just shocked to see you here in the outside world. I thought you kept to Gensokyo?"

--- and then things stop making sense. How would I meet Mokou on the street? If Touhou existed in the outside world, she would have to wear a disguise, or else everyone would know who she was. If Touhou didn't exist in the outside world, how would I know who Mokou was?

It's impossible.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fourteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

My waifu is Lambdadelta, It would be absolutely fine.

>>6144743
5cm per second?

>>6144727
Y-you're lying.
Bern would never sleep with someone as pathetic as you unless she was trolling me.

>>6144755

Would it really be that hard to believe that I'm really the one she chose and she's just stringing you along for the fun?

Wise words.

>>6144755
>>6144761
I don't think your waifu can NTR you. It just doesn't work that way.

>>6144761
Well, yes. Since I already know it's the other way around.

>>6144790
What's NTR?

>>6144790

This is Bern we're talking about.

>>6144793

Bullshit. Chances are she's NTRing us both for shits and giggles, just for the stories to tell Lambda.

It would be a miracle if she preferred you over me, and she already acknowledged that such a miracle is impossible.

>>6144799

Netorare. Pretty much it means that the love interest leaves you for someone else.

>>6144809
...Well, I can't deny that.
Say it in red

>>6144832

>>>/rs/Bern_loves_me_and_has_no_feelings_at_all_for_you

>>6144809
Maybe she's cheating on you because she found out about how much you love useless bunnies.

>>6144845
Exactly. How can you say that you love Bern if you cheated on her? That's terrible.

>>6144838
>>>/rs/Real red has no underscores.
>>>/rs/Bern loves me and hates you.
>>>/rs/*Cackle*cackle* ahaha.wav

>>6144845

>love

I don't love Reisen. That was a one-time thing. If anything, she would have killed her and force-fed her to me. Followed by rape. And more rape.

>>6144838
That's not red. You're just using links. It's invalid, useless. If Bern really loved you, surely she'd let you borrow the power of the red text for just a little while, right? Come on, what's the matteeeer?

...And pictures don't count, either.

>>6144862
WHO IS THIS?
NOT ANOTHER ONE.

>>6144862

I never figured out how to get rid of the underscores when using 4chan's link system, whatever.

I'd still like to know for future reference.

>>6144871

>power of the red text

Will this do?

>>6144902
Gold truth is so reliable man.
>You used magic to create a golden flower petal inside an overturned cup. It was a splendid bit of magic.

>>6144863
Cheating on Bern for a moment of loveless pleasure? Despicable.

>>6144915

Green text is just implications. Gold is neither inferior nor superior to red, but its major advantage lies in the fact that it cannot be interpreted in any way other than how it was pronounced. In this case, gold is sufficient.

>>6144902
It only counts when they game master uses it.

>>6144902
And now you're using pictures that you could just as easily edit to try and prove your point?

Why am I even still here? Oh, right, because I'm bored

>>6144930

Bern is the Game Master. As her prime consort I was granted permission to use it.

>>6144928

>Gold is neither inferior nor superior to red

Dlanor implies that Gold is generally inferior to the more solid Red, but Gold is superior to Red when you put it in absolute words.

I think anyone would freak if Lina Inverse walked down the street.

>"OMFG! MAGIC IS REAL?!?!?! *faint*"

You know it's true.

>>6144945

I used my name and trip. Doesn't get any more absolute than that.

Also, how the fuck do you get rid of underscores. It's been bothering me for months.

>>6144940
>bored
Oh fuck, I think I just figured out who has been "arguing" with you, Bernfag. I'd start running if I were you.

>>6144971

Why would I run.

GODDAMMIT LET ME IN ON THE TRADE SECRET

>>6144975
>>6144971
*giggle* *giggle* *giggle*

>>6144982

Oh, hey.

>>6144959

>>6144986
You dare address the Witch of Miracles in such a casual manner?