/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I just fapped

Can you give me $500?

I'm 19 you assuming asshole

im 12 and wat is this

Wow dude you win at life.

Why does having sex cause you to make such horrible threads?

>>5924028
you got that second digit upside down

How much did it cost?

It was pretty nice, actually. Once you learn to maneuver around the tail it's a breeze. She didn't even make me wear a condom.

>>5924039

have fun with super aids

Was it an escort? A divorced mom looking for easy catch? A mentally handicapped woman?
I can't believe a woman would have consensual sex with a thirty-something virgin without a house.

I laughed so fucking hard while reading OP.

>>5924028
Ahh... well then, this is what you can expect in about 20 years.

Don't let a girl with an unlubed strapon anywhere near your butt. Just a heads-up.

OP, how old was she?

>>5924010
How is that herpes going boy ?

Protip : having sex won't make you a hero here, far from it. If you want to impress some faggots, go to /v/, /r9k/ or /adv/.

Were you so good that she went ahegao?

>>5924058
>Browse /jp/
>call other people faggots.
Yeah meet my friend, his name is Irony and he's going to slap you in the face.

>>5924063

>>5924063
Reported for claiming the existence of irony in a situation where there is none.

She was a beautiful, 6 year old Labrador Retriever. Oh how I relished stroking her muscular flanks, patting her lithe body and rubbing her soft tummy. As I knelt down behind her she lifted her butt in the air as if to say "Please put it in~dess". It was a tight fit, but I managed to slide inside her with ease- much to my delight.

>>5924062
She was more like comatosed.

>>5924071
Oh no please don't report me lol, I don't know if I will be able to live with myself if you do.

>>5924078
wut

I'm worried now /jp/, truly worried. What if my new waifu is now pregnant with a litter of our half dog spawn? I'm not even sure I'd be a good father, or really how I'd be one. I can't fetch, I rarely roll over except to get more Pocky or Koala's March, and I damn sure don't want to throw a ball around. Where did it all go wrong?

>>5924078
Only people count.

>>5924090
You don't know who you're messing with, buddy. Reported again.

>>5924112
I don't know who I'm messing with aye?
I think I do buddy, some loser who thinks reporting people on the internet is actually going to achieve anything.
Go fondle your beer belly or something.

>>5924105
I'll take 5 if they look like this.

>>5924118
>some loser
Wrong again, boyo.
Once again, you have been reported.

I'm afraid that this means I'll have to get a job. No more playing Touhou in the basement wearing nothing but my Pikachu print underwear, no more Valentines day dinners with my sweetheart Suiseiseki (on the 32" LCD, of course), no more pounding one out on the family phone in the living room to sex lines while my parents are asleep. Does this really mean I have to get a new life? Things were so much easier before I lost my virginity. :s

>>5924124
You're embarrassing yourself.

>>5924124
>Implying I care.

>>5924118
>>5924124

>aye
>boyo

Are we all welsh now?

>>5924134
I thought Aye was Scottish?

>people getting mad at White Ren
what happened to lurking a board before posting without knowledge and making a huge ass out of yourself?

>>5924131
>>5924132
That's it, I've reported you both DIRECTLY to the mods in IRC. I hope you're happy, I didn't want to have to do this but you forced this situation upon me.

>>5924141
Lol dude, no one is mad you child. If any one is mad it's you.
>>5924141
>>5924124
>>5924112
>>5924071
>>5924035
samefag

>>5924152
Oh shit every body run for your lives.

Reported for stupidity.

>>5924152
Reported for abusing the report function. People have had enough of your faggotry already White Rabbit.

Since when did /jp/ want to know what sex is like?

Come back when you become the little girl.

Actually, never come back. Non-virgin scum.

I know I'm kinda freaking out here, dear /jp/, but if you only heard the rough animal noises she made during our 5 minutes of passion you too would have been unable to control yourselves. It was so wrong and dirty, and yet it felt so right all at the same time. It was as if nothing I'd ever done before had been this right, and I was compelled. Maybe some of you could understand if you also had taken that step into manhood as I have, but it is something that you truly must experience for yourself. What I hate about it is how conflicted I now feel. What should I do about this clever /jp/? What should I do?

Try cutting off your dick and balls and feed them to your dog. Reported

>>5924155
You can run but you can't hige.

>>5924169
Go to >>>/r9k/ and never come back

>>5924165
Only two people took this thread seriously.
Nice going.

>>5924179
Why would any on e do that?

>>5924182
>hige

It's hard to explain, but it seems that sex changes you forever. It's as if I've suddenly reached Super-Saiyen, and can do anything. There's a bad part to it as well. Already I feel my love for Touhou fading, as I am starting to see that it's kinda gay. I'm growing to dislike eroge as well, seeing as how it could never have prepared me for the FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES of sex with someone other than a Tenga or my hand. Maybe I should have stayed in the basement with the rest of you, wondering with renewed curiosity as to what the inside of a vagina felt like. Wondering if it really had all those bumps and ridges that can only be found in my Tenga Flip Hole. Wondering... If.

>>5924208
Reported for pointing out a typo I did not make
>>5924182 you can't hide
There is no mistake there.
White Ren does not make mistakes.

>>5924219
Lies, nothing but filthy lies. Reported for another typo.

>>5924230
There are no typos here. Reported for claiming I am making any mistakes

Well /jp/, here's the deal. My best friend is coming home from Japan where he teaches Engrish, and it's his Labrador Retriever. I've already confessed to him that Touhou is gay, and he's a regular here on /jp/. He even tripfags on occasion, so many of you would no him if I mentioned his name. My question is this: Should I also tell him that I've done the deed with his dearest pet, or should I pretend that nothing happened?

>>5924010
>I'm in my late thirties
>Like many of you
I don't think so, gramps.

>>5924238
Reported for lying, making mistakes, and accusing me of claiming. Also, for not buying me Pocky.

>>5924258
I have never in my life lied or made a mistake.
You seem to have me mistaken with someone more incompetent and less handsome.

>>5924258
Reported for being a faggot who eats Pocky. Reported for generally not knowing a single thing that goes on on this board. Reported for being a loser amongst losers.

>>5924273
But not a virgin, eh? Looks like I win this one. XD

Enjoy your STD ridden manslut cock, scum.

>>5924273
/jp/ - Basement Culture

What more is there to know? King moot created this board as the basement of 4chan. Pretty epic if you ask me.

>>5924297
>epic
Reported via 1000 proxies

>>5924299
Wow you're so cool and edgy.

>>5924299
I rooted those proxies and intercepted your reports with a man in the middle attack. I then used them to report you instead, thereby defeating your tired tactics of relying on public proxies. My penis level is this [--------] big. In Japan, that makes me Godzilla. I win by default and sex with women.

sex is just sweating and screaming a lot of shit

>>5924310
JULAAAAAAAAY!!!!

No dad, don't cut down the internet!

>>5924309
You think you can intercept and reroute my reports, kiddo? You're up against an expert hacker here. The moment you tried rooting them you'd already been reported multiple times the original amount via your own ip. I hope you enjoy your permaban.
Let this be a lesson to you.

>>5924317
You think that was my box you "rooted"? No my friend, that's where you are wrong. Welcome to my botnet. I'll have you cracking MD5 hashes for me in no time at all. Reported for failing to root my box, and once more for bragging about it publicly.

>>5924310
Like that within a few years we will have fleshlights superior to every vagins...

Let us have lubricant between our teeth,a fleslight in our hand and an infiti waifu in our heart

Benito Fappolini

>>5924327
I'll have you know that while you were typing that out I'd put up a firewall on your box to stop you. By the time you get that down I'll have hacked your botnet open and cracked the kernel to reverse it's polarity.

thanks for the free botnet ;)

OP here again, and I just wanted to say hi to all my friends in the basement of /jp/. I know this is going to piss you guys off, but I just deleted all of my Visual Novels because let's face it, they're pretty juvenile anyways now that I've had the real thing. One day too you guys may have your five minutes of joy with a female, but probably not. I know how ronery you guys are, but if you try to be like me and lose your virginity in a serious way you'll find you won't need them either.

Delete your thread Sion.

>>5924342
You betrayed your waifu and call yourself a man?

>>5924341
>;)
Get the fuck outta here.

>>5924341
Reading William Gibson novels doesn't make you 1337. Also, firewalls don't work like that, no, and no. Nice try though. Reported.

>>5924342
I don't even want to lose my virginity to a woman that will betray me...I just need 1 girl that can return love...forever.

>>5924350
You think you know shit? I've been a PROFESSIONAL hacker since I was 10, I believe I know a little more about hacking than you do, friend.

>>5924362
holy shit!!! Zero Cool?!!! Is that you? It's me, Lord Nikom!

i have been hacking seince i was 7 (im 13 now) my parents supported it, and it has helped many people, i have helped add security to sites by testing security, and there is a whole group of hackers im a part of at hackthissite.org hackers arnt bad, those are "crakers" who are mindless morons, you sir are the idiot, you trust the media, you didnt research you are the bad one. i have hacked many things but, for good. are you saying a site about killing people becuse of there race and supports it should stay up?? is that better than hacking?? i have hacked a site like that and shut it down. think im bad? F*ck you!!
i have broken some laws but, for good reasons, the government makes you think hacking is bad because the govrnment fears us, but us hackers dont fear them, so the government uses people whot think there hackers and shows them on tv then, people think thats what a hacker is. hacker acually means "one who is experienced in computers and problem solving" i think i have done good, and that i dont hack like black hats who are morons (pretty much "crackers") i hope i will change your opinion.

>>5924342
Hey look,a faggot.

also inb4
>calling somebody a fag on /jp/

>>5924362
>>5924365
Is that you my aspie brothers?

>>5924365
COME BACK SUIGIN ;_;

>>5924374

ITT

please dont leave us suigin
every day without you is misery

>>5924365
>>5924362
Running scripts doesn't make you a hacker, and while I know you've somehow deluded yourself into thinking this, it doesn't make you cool either. Neither does applying a homebrew English patch to your Visual Novel. Or any other lie you might come up with. Stop lying to yourself, and stop lying to the rest of us. Also, lern2Engrish.

>>5924385
I just hacked into the akashic records and made you a virgin for life
if you keep doubting me i will change your name into "cocknose"

>>5924385
Damn. I declare that Intellectual Checkmate.

>>5924385
Yes, of course, brush it all off as "lies", that's all you can do against them anyway.
You are defenseless, mister, in their mercy, in their grasp. Maybe if you cry hard enough, they will pity you a little. You are dealing with EXPERTS in here, mister. Just thought I'd let you know.

>>5924400
No man, it is over. You've been Intellectually Checkmated anonymous. Intellectually Checkmated. I've made it with a woman too, so I know about the secrets of the vagina meat.

>>5924399
>Intellectual Checkmate
haha

>>5924378
is /a/ that much better? ;_;

>>5924396
Just to tell you 1 thing...
EVEN the biggest aspie can become a alpha male and be able to fuck numerous women a week.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt20753.html

>>5924419
fuck no
but at least I can talk about new animes or stuff like that there
I don't even care about touhou anymore, why would I stay here if I do nothing but spam

>>5924407
The best kind of Checkmate is the one where your enemy already thinks he has checkmated you, betafaggot.
I already have been laid since the age of twelve, you manchild. No, not "lucky" like you below-average frustrated chump, fucking LAID, that is the loli bitch was all over me. Yesterday even, I was chillin out fucking up NASA's network with some bitch I found outside grinding my dick the whole time.

>>5924430
i know, that's how u were born after all

I'm the mayor of CWCville, and I approve this thread.

>>5924439
Eh, when I was around 7 I fingered this 12 year old girl named Casey. We were at her house etc and it kinda came up. We tried to have sex after watching a movie but nothing really happened. I put it in, but like I said nothing really happened. It was kinda weird. I looked back years later and really felt like a moron for not knowing what I was doing, but we were kids. What bothers me about it all is that it may have fucked her up for life, or maybe she already had serious issues going on since she initiated it. In my case I was curious, I liked the girl, and I was just going along following her lead.

>>5924467
Continue.

>>5924467
You should stop trying to fuck insecure 6/10 beta females, faggot- what am I saying, like you have the balls to try anything above that.

>>5924579
Well if you must know, a 6 year old Labrador Retriever is like 25-30 in dog years. At least I'm not like you guys fantasizing about a "100 year old animu" in the body of a 5 year old girl. That, and I'm not a virgin.

>>5924593
>signs of autism include making jokes only the person himself understands
Can't disagree with that statement there.

>At least I'm not like you guys fantasizing about a "100 year old animu" in the body of a 5 year old girl.

Whatever you're talking about

>That, and I'm not a virgin.
Accomplishing that at the age of 38 isn't something to be proud of, bub.

>Be a /v/ goer
>Go to /jp/ out of boredom
>See this thread
>Open it
>Read some more
>My face

>>5924616
It's just an awful troll.