/jp/ - Otaku Culture

too poor

Are you SUAVE?
Are you a SPACE TOAD?
Are you a SUAVE SPACE TOAD?

If you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, then SICP (STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS) might be exactly what you've been looking for! Read SICP (STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS) today, and enjoy all the benefits of being a satorized SICP reader. SICP (STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS) is the fastest-growing SMUG LISP WEENIE community with THOUSANDS of members all over the Internet! You, too, can be a part of SICP if you join today! Why not? It's quick and easy - only 3 simple steps!
* First, you have to obtain a copy of SICP and read it. You can read it online using your favorite web browser.
* Second, you need to succeed in founding a Lisp-related meme in /prog/ on world4chan, a popular "programming for trolls" website.
* Third, you need to join the official SICP home /prog/ on world4chan, and apply for membership.
Talk to one of the satorized overlords or any of the other members in the board to sign up today! Upon submitting your application, you will be required to submit links to your successful meme, and you will be tested on your knowledge of STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS. If you are having trouble locating /prog/, the official STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS board, you might be on a wrong web sight. The correct address is >>>/prog/. Follow this link if you are using a http client such as telnet. If you have Sussman points and would like to support SICP, please don't sage this post.


//`'''```,
o //SICP `.,
,....OOo. .c;.',,,.'``.,,.`
.' ____.,'.//
/ _____ \___/.'
| / || \\---\|
|| || \\ ||
co co co co

I do.

Because I'm the girl. Reported.

The short, bearded figure stood on the stage, gesturing furiously as he declaimed on the evils of the RIAA and occasionally pacing around a bit.

"Richard, you've changed," murmured the balding, nondescript-looking man in the audience to himself.

After the talk, the bearded man strolled up the stairs, unconcerned by the train of scruffy-looking undergraduates following after. He was headed for the cookie table. As he began to shovel handfuls of madeleines and pecan brownies into his mouth, the bald, mustachioed man approached.

"Eric," the bearded man gasped, nearly dropping a handful of shortbread cookies (but not quite.)

"Richard," the bald man said firmly.

"What brings you here?" asked the bearded man. The undergraduates merely stared wide-eyed, knowing something special was happening, but not knowing quite what. At least, the ones who weren't also going for the cookie table.

"Well, Richard, you'll remember how we knew each other, seven years before you started the GNU project," said Eric.

"Yes..." Richard began to say, when he was interrupted by a particularly young-looking undergraduate.

"In the biblical sense?" taunted the undergraduate, as she adjusted her baseball cap and pulled on her red hair.

There was silence.

"Yes, young ladies and gentlemen, in the biblical sense," said Eric.

"I think we need to go upstairs, to my office," said Richard.

Because I'm busy reporting faggots from /v/ that go to /jp/.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong if you faggots, if you really want to "fit in" then lurk for some months and learn the local customs. Spare us your memes and retardation.

"But you don't have an office here."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I mean the office of the faculty member who sponsored my talk here, Professor mumble mumble," Richard said, as the last words of his sentence were obscured by a mouthful of fudge wafers.

"Okay."

Together, they headed for the elevator as the crowd of undergraduates, graduate students, and administrators who had gathered (no faculty members, since they wouldn't have wanted to be seen at a gathering where students would be present) gaped speechlessly. They got off at the seventh floor and Richard directed them towards a corner office.

"Don't worry, Professor mumble mumble won't be here for the rest of the afternoon," said Richard, who still had managed to make those fudge wafers last for four floors.

As they settled at opposite ends of the black leather couch that occupied a small portion of the office, Eric looked at Richard.

"You looked better with short hair," he said.

"Well, you looked better before you gained that 30 pounds," said Richard.

"It's all muscle," he said, and they both laughed. Then they were silent.

Eric broke the silence. "Open-source software, free software, why did we let such distinctions of terminology divide us so? Linux has been such a huge success and we've both contributed to that. We have more similarities than differences."

"That's GNU/Linux, Eric, and you ought to know why as well as anybody. Why, the Linux operating system would be completely nonfunctional without the many software utilities contributed by volunteers for the GNU project, including--"

"Richard, Richard. You're not talking to a journalist. You're talking to me. The only man you ever loved."

Eric's arm extended across the back of the couch. Richard inched ever so slightly closer.

"Well, you have no idea what it's like to live alone in Cambridge, Massachusetts, with only my four honorary doctorates to keep me company while you and your open-source friends get all the glory. It's just so hard, Eric."

Eric's eyes sparkled, "Just so hard, eh?"

Richard squirmed. "Well..."

"It's been so long."

"Well, yes, that is how I remembered it..."

"So, you said that Professor cough cough wasn't going to be back this afternoon, right? Because if you wanted to, we could go find a place to stay for the evening..." (The professor's name was once again obscured when Eric had a brief dryness in his throat.)

"No, let's just make good use of the place we have for now. It's free, after all."

"Free as in freedom?"

"No, free as in love."

They embraced. Richard's shirt came off, knocking loose the halo made from a disk platter that was still attached to his head. Before too long, the two men's back hair became an indistinguishable thatch of dark curls as Eric's cathedral entered Richard's bazaar.

"Sometimes being open to the point of promiscuity can have its advantages," breathed Richard.

"And you know I've always believed that there were some situations where tight control over the development process was necessary," sighed Eric.

Afterward, they lay together on the couch as the afternoon sun shone on them, stroking each other's beards. "You're even better now that you have a Jesus complex," said Eric.

"You certainly seemed to think that it wasn't just a complex!"

"That was five minutes ago, this is now."

"Oh." They cuddled some more. "I guess we'll always have the AI Lab."

"So, I have a date later on to play the recorder for some birds. Would you like to... come along?"

"Whenever I hear about you doing that kind of thing, I reach for my gun," said Eric.

"Ha ha!" they both laughed.

"Actually, I wasn't kidding."

King of Suigin, do you have enough copy pasta?

SON OF A BITCH PYTHON
I AM EXPERT PROGRAMMER
PYTHON IS PIG
DO YOU WANT FORCED INDENTATION?
DO YOU WANT FAIL?
INTERPRETER IS PIG DISGUSTING
VAN ROSSUM IS A MURDERER
FUCKING GAY LANGUAGES

wall of text crits you for 99999999999999999

;; cocks - displays ``cocks''
;; This is an example of the sort of computer programs you can write
;; after learning Scheme.
;;
;; Copyright (c) 2008 Christopher
;;
;; Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy
;; of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal
;; in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights
;; to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell
;; copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is
;; furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions:
;;
;; The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in
;; all copies or substantial portions of the Software.
;;
;; THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR
;; IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY,
;; FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE
;; AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER
;; LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM,
;; OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN
;; THE SOFTWARE.
(write "cocks")

Suigin, give me some Aikido pasta.

Because I'm a girl and I don't swing that way.

Dinosaurs are one of the coolest things from my childhood, and I remember all the dinos-- MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAURS, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I FEEL ABOUT THEM? MOTHERFUCKER, I WANT A CUTE LITTLE VELOCIRAPTOR AS A PET, TO CUDDLE UP WITH HIS FEATHERS AND EVERYTHING. I DON'T MEAN A JURASSIC PARK VELOCIRAPTOR EITHER, THAT'S A DIENONYCHUS, I'M TALKING ABOUT A REAL VELOCIRAPTOR. ABOUT THE SIZE OF A CAT, AND IT'S A PACK ANIMAL, SO IT WOULD BE LIKE HAVING A TWO LEGGED DOG COVERED IN FEATHERS. I'D TOTALLY NAME HIM SOMETHING AWESOME, LIKE NATHANIEL OR SOMETHING, AND I'D CARRY HIM AROUND WITH ME, AND MAYBE TEACH HIM TO STAND ON MY SHOULDER, AND ALL THE GIRLS WOULD BE ALL OVER IT, THEY'D BE "OH, ENGARDE, THAT'S A CUTE LITTLE RAPTOR YOU'VE GOT THERE, CAN I PET HIM?" AND I'D BE LIKE, "WELL, SURE YOU CAN, NATHANIEL LIKES BEAUTIFUL WOMEN." AND THEN SHE'D BE ALL BLUSHY, AND WE'D START A MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION ABOUT RAPTORS, BECAUSE WOMEN LOVE DINOSAURS.
I'D HAVE NATHANIEL SIT ON MY DESK AND KEEP ME COMPANY ALL DAY.

Okay, so I think I understand what's going on. You're curious that your "boyfriend" (read: fuck-of-the-week) spends a lot of time every day going F5 F5 F5 on 4chan's /b/, which is the only part of the fucking site he probably goes to. So you decided "Hey, I think I'll post a thread here and see what these CRAZY HILARIOUS INTERNET PEOPLE have to say!" I bet you like going to sites like Fark and collegehumor and Ebaumsworld when you're not posting glitter comments in people's myspaces and listening to the streaming mp3s they have linked on their profiles.

Also, you are a ridiculous waste of a human being with nothing better to do with your time than to sit here and say "Hey guys I'm a girl teehee I giggle and I'm soft and I get to wear cute clothes when I go out on Friday nights! Hey you know what'd be fun I have a good idea I'll sit here and press F5 F5 F5 on a thread I made and watch people from the internet talk to me!"

You're just trying to validate your vapid existence by proving your gender to you, yourself.

Femininity doesn't travel over Ethernet and DOCSIS, honey. When you're standing there at the bus stop in the morning on the way to your $8/hr part-time job, and people start talking to you, they're not "being nice people" - they're trying to find an opening to get a chance to fuck you. And you're so wrapped up in yourself that you don't even realize it, you just think that people are talking to you because you look cute and it brings a smile to their morning to see a pretty young thing like you.

But nobody would have known you were a girl if you hadn't fucking posted this abortion of a post. Therefore any and all conversation you're having here is completely initiated by you, for the sole purpose of garnering internal merit for yourself.

f5 f5 f5

Just as you'd suspect though, this shit turns on me the worst way possible. I've never been religious myself, but the idea of corrupting the pure turns me on to the point of madness. However, she had left me alone to fap this week, and it was driving me nuts. During one said fap session, her little sister calls my cell phone, asking if I would bring her ipod to her (Apparentely big sis borrows things without permission sometimes) Being thirteen, she can't drive. She gave me the address of her stepfather's, and said to come right in, as she was alone and might be in the shower. yes, /b/, a thirteen year old alone at home, naked, and me with my balls bluer than the skies themselves. I knew I had to strike.

A shameless OP
Being a faggot every day
A shameless OP

because i'm gigantic raging faggot like OP

Brother, brother
Far too many of you die
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lisping here today

Brother, brother
For too little of you truly live
On just money and success you thrive
We've got to get rid of the Sepples hive.

And so once again
My dear Guido, my dear friend
And so once again
You are fighting us all

And when I ask you why
You raise your sticks and cry and I fall

Oh my friend
How did you come?
To trade the parenthesis for the indentation

I was taught assembler
in my second year of school.
It's kinda like construction work --
with a toothpick for a tool.
So when I made my senior year,
I threw my code away,
And learned the way to program
that I still prefer today.
Now, some folks on the Internet
put their faith in C++.
They swear that it's so powerful,
it's what God used for us.
And maybe it lets mortals dredge
their objects from the C.
But I think that explains
why only God can make a tree.
For God wrote in Lisp code
When he filled the leaves with green.
The fractal flowers and recursive roots:
The most lovely hack I've seen.
And when I ponder snowflakes,
never finding two the same,
I know God likes a language
with its own four-letter name.
Now, I've used a SUN under Unix,
so I've seen what C can hold.
I've surfed for Perls, found what Fortran's for,
Got that Java stuff down cold.
Though the chance that I'd write COBOL code

Our Sussman, which art in nirvana,
hallowed be thy name;
thy language come;
thy will be done,
in implementation as it is in specification.
Give us this day our daily Lisp.
And forgive us our bugs,
as we forgive them that crash our computers.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from enterprise quality.
For thine is the language,
the power, and the glory,
For ever and ever.

On one stormy night, the sky bright with thunder
knock knock at the door - who is that, I ponder
I dash to the gate, open it, I sunder
'tis a filthy snake, at my mat, down under!
I speak carefully, not to make a blunder:

``who be thee, thou spawn of evil?
beast from before medieval
serpent! the tempter primeval!''
-- in my soul a great upheaval
``demon! how come you were tapping?
at my door so gently rapping?
limbless, cursed to move by wrapping!''

The slimy beast hissed, and so before my eyes
I beheld a man - in appearance so wise
I recognised him, now without the disguise
My throat unleashing so desperate cries:

``Infidel! Once a great wizard,
now a slimy tricky lizard
stealing through the flames and blizzard
what be thy business, ex-wizard?''

Thus he spake, the voice bestowed:
``son, you walk the evil road
all what I have you once shown
all what you thanks to me own
now shall within you explode
and have I so forebode:
not through Scheme does point the road
in my mind had always flowed:
FORCED INDENTATION OF CODE''

BECAUSE I'VE SACRIFICED EVERY GIRL THAT'S EVER TALKED TO ME TO KHORNE.

I'm the goddamn Batman, and I think it's time I said this.

Every Superman I've ever met has had his head stuck up his own ass. Batman should seriously rule the world. There'd be no war because that's just one cape size comparison. There'd be no hunger or crime, because we actually know how to throw Batarangs at other people. All that backstabbing bitchiness shit is the result of a Superman-dominated society. The only reason you say gb2/Gotham is that you're all lazy Kryptonian fucks who don't want to do anything for yourselves because you're dependent on the goddamn Batman. God, I'd love to cut the dick off every snide Kryptonian I meet and shove it down his own throat, then rape him to near-death with a red-hot Kryptonite bar, then gouge his eye out and shit in the socket.

This isn't copypasta, either, and I'm really the goddamn batman.

I'd like to ask a question to everyone who thinks the name "cockmongler" is so important: have you thought about how many young people might be viewing this site? I know my teenage son LOVES to hang out on 4chan and other "anime" sites while he's at school. I really don't think such a funny picture needs a vulgar name like "cockmongler" to be funny.

The picture is good no matter what name we call it. "Grinman" is a meme we can show to our friends and family of every age. Would you try to give grandma a smile by showing her "cockmongler"?

It's a big internet out there, and the best memes are memes for people of all ages and cultures. I know I'm in the minority on this one, but how would all of you feel if I started calling this picture "Erection Cat"?

Because I really believe 2D>3D

Well I was spending xmas all alone, feeling very depressed, not even a single phone call from my family. I looked through the window and basically all the lights were out in the other apartments. My neighbours were all speindg xmas somewhere else, having a good time. Then I decided to go for a walk. It was late night. The streets were mostly empty. As I walked by an alley I saw the image of Santa. Well it was a middle aged man dressed as Santa. And he was very drunk, I could tell because of the stumbling steps. He turned to one of the walls, and pulled his dick out to piss. I knew this was my opportunity. I walked to him, and got on my knees just before he started. In a few seconds I was able to feel that hot piss dripping, flowing... He was holding it for ages because when he finished I was soaking wet. When it was over, I kissed the tip of his PENIS, stood up and hugged him. He said: Merry Christmas, sonny...

>>5350688

I, like many of you, suffer from problems. My problems don't involve any of your implausible ones, but mine are worth voicing to you in hope of getting some advice.
Anyways, I began to play Final Fantasy 4 about a month ago, and as I dove deeper and deeper into the game, the more and more I fapped to hentai of it. I continued to do so until the last fight.
Then I played the game again...and again... and again... I found myself checking out Rydia every on-screen moment she had. I began to stop going to my regular sites just to look at hentai of one person: Rydia.
I eventually had 1000s of pictures and some doujins of Rydia. I began to spend what others called absurd amounts of money on merchandise, and my apartment is coated with Rydia everywhere.
I've shut myself off from family and friends and felt an urge to just snuggle with my Rydia dolls.. Rydia is all I need. She probably wouldn't like the way my family is or how my friends behave.
I'm in love with Rydia. I keep praying that she'll come to see me one day and decide to live with me. I have nothing left to live for but Rydia. I know she can hear me, so I always talk to her telling her to come and visit me so our union can take place.
So, this is where you guys come into the picture. You're an all-purpose advice board. You definitely must know a way to help Rydia break free from behind her glass prison.
Please help! She's my perfect girl, and she's longing for me as much as I long for her.

>>5350623
Why are there black dots in the bottom corners?

I'm not sure if I'm watching this correctly, it starts off with the main char walking to school and then the green and blondie haired girl join in, then later that day he ends up ina garbage dump and finds out by a newspaper on the floor that theirs been people dismembered, then the second episode I think it goes on about how there's a shrine festival and such, and a photographer he just met dies, on episode 3 he kills his two friends after they inject him with poison and he runs to a phone booth calls for help because he's dying, then episode 4 they act like NONE of this happened, and their all alive and stil all good friends, and the guy meets the gren heads twin sister? Umm the fuck am I watching this in the right order?

So there I was in Little Ceasars getting some crazy bread and cheese sauce, when I look over at my girlfriend who's sitting down, apparently unphased by how much her shirt is hanging down and how much her titties are showing.

"Jesus christ, cover your tits up."
"I can do what I want."

Upon hearing this, the giant negra in line next to me turns to face me, makes eye contact, turns to look my girlfriend in the face, lowers her gaze to her tits, looks back at her face, looks towards me, I smile and nod, and he goes back to ordering.

She got offended I didn't do anything but hey, fuck that. I'll share.

If you tried, a lot of you could actually get a girlfriend. And while I agree that a vast majority of women in the world are worthless trash, it's only because majority of people in the world are worthless.

There are good girls out there, who you could fall in love with. Not many of them, but there are.
And some of them could like you back - people have the weirdest tastes, you are the ones who should know that the best.
And before you say "but I don't like 3D" - are you really that shallow? Some 2D heroines are robots. Some are goddamn lovecraftian horrors. Did you let it bother you?
You don't have to settle for trash. You don't have to get a girlfriend for the sake of social accpetance, or some kind of "succes" in life. Go out there, and if you won't find love, or get hurt in process, your waifus will still be here. You know, after all, that they won't betray you - because they can't.
It's not that bad to settle for 2D. It's not that bad to have fiction as an only source of emotional stimulation. It's certainly better then having no emotions at all, or be in a forced relationship that only brings negative feelings. Maybe some of you genuinely can't stand real people - but those are but a small margin, rest of you uses "3D pig disgusting" as a crutch to avoid even trying. Maybe some of you got tired of being rejected, betrayed, or hurt. It's okay to take it easy then - there are no rules about how to live your life after all.
But giving up without even trying is just too sad.

Anyways, >>25, please listen to me. That it's really related to this thread.
I went to Yoshinoya a while ago; you know, Yoshinoya?
Well anyways there was an insane number of people there, and I couldn't get in.
Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "150 yen off" written on it.
Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots.
You, don't come to Yoshinoya just because it's 150 yen off, fool.
It's only 150 yen, 1-5-0 YEN for crying out loud.
There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Yoshinoya, huh? How fucking nice.
"Alright, daddy's gonna order the extra-large." God I can't bear to watch.
You people, I'll give you 150 yen if you get out of those seats.
Yosinoya should be a bloody place.
That tense atmosphere, where two guys on opposite sides of the U-shaped table can start a fight at any time,
the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place.

>>5350691
Wasn't this originally about Osaka from Azumanga Daioh?

>>5350695
Saved for future copy pasta

Everytime I see an Aussie say something on the internet I always get that embarassed feeling, like when you see a retard try to speak in public but it cant help sounding stupid, and you just want to somehow show it how fucking stupid it sounds so that maybe it'll get embarassed for itself and stop. But it wont because its a fucking retard, and in its own little head its super awesome and everyone else is fucked up. So you just sit there embarased for the little retard waiting for it to shut the fuck up before it makes itself seem even more stupid. .

>>5350623
Come on!

>Why don't you have a girlfriend?

Why should I, huh? Answer that first and then, ask anything else.

>>5350692
Because original without dots, and with 1 dot already banned

Shion Sonozaki waited. The cicadas around her cried and chirped out of the forest. There were demons in her bloodline. She didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. Her warnings to Mion were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Shion was a Sonozaki for eighteen years. When she was young she watched the yakuza and she said to Oryou "I want to be head of the family granny."
Oryou said "No! You will BE POSSESS BY DEMONS"
There was a time when she believed her. Then as she got oldered she stopped. But now in the Watanagashi of the Hinamizawa she knew there were demons.
"This is for Satoshi" the demons crackered. "You must fight everyone!"
So Shion gotted her Tazer and zapped up the town.
"SHE GOING TO KILL US" said her friends
"I will beg at her" said Keiichi and he pleaded for Mion's safety promise. Shion hammered at him and tried to crucify him up. But then the police came and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! You must resist the demons" Keiichi shouted
Shion said "No, Keiichi. I am the demons."
And then Shion was a zombie.

This thread is fucking glorious.

One time my sister and grandpa were in the room with me while I was doing some homework. My grandpa told my sister that if she didn't take her underwear off, he was going to "fucking kill her". Needless to say, she took her underwear off. He put a makeshift ballgag in her mouth made from a sock and some duct tape to prevent my parents from hearing the screaming. Next- he told me to take my underwear off or "I would be fucking next", as he started to cut my sisters abdomen with a swiss army knife. He made me fuck the hole he cut in her stomach, while I weeped softly and wished I was somewhere else. Afterwards, he took his pants off and told us that his PENIS was the snake that made mommy and that if we told her, it was going to poison her. My sister died that night from internal bleeding. And I have been a nympho ever since.

When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to use a diaper. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.

I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestional disorder that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn't aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.

I believe you shouldn't underestimate Aikido. Now I know you may be thinking, "Why take a weakling martial art like Aikido seriously when I am learning how to manipulate borders?" I can see why you would think that, how can a peaceful martial arts like Aikido beat the manipulation of boundaries?

Well, I have a story to share with you.

Years ago, I was a Gap youkai, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. He was a Japanese exchange student, I still remember his name, Noboru Takeda.

I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.), he never said anything back, made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.

Well, here comes the fight. I manipulated the boundary of life and death, he reversed it like I was a mere Rumia. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing Danmaku Bounded Field, and he grabbed past it to my wrist and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.

When I woke up I was in the school infirmary, I asked the nurse who brought me here, and you guessed it, Noboru Takeda. The next day, he wasn't at school, he was back in Japan, and I never got to thank him, for saving my life and showing me the light. I soon learned that he was an Aikidoka and have been practicing Aikido ever since to show my thanks to him.

HAHAHAHA
YOU THINK YOURE THOUGH UH ?
I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU
THE FORCED ISOLATION OF THE HIKKI
GET IT ?
I DONT THINK SO
YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY WAIFU I GUESS ?
SHES 2D
AND IS NAMED ``ALICE''
OK YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT NEET
THIS IS /jp/
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO POST HERE ONLY IF YOU HAVE ACHIEVED RONERY
LONELINESS IS ALL ABOUT ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
I HAVE 1CC'D EVERY TOUHOU
IF ITS NOT DONE YOU HAVE TO

>>5350715
And son, that is why you don't wanna mess with the Suigin.

FACT 1: The fastest Lisp implementations are slow
FACT 2: No one but a small clique of fanatics likes it
FACT 3: The vast majority of people who study Lisp in school, never want to use it again.

I am a computer programmer, which means I'm fat, nerdy, and have a tiny cock. I got AIDS from paying a cheap whore to fuck me, since I have no love in my life.
When the doctor told me, I went to the only thing I knew -- SICP.
I slammed my penis between two copies of SICP. It swelled up to twice normal size and fell off. I was worried.
I woke up the next day with incredible abs, a 14" rod of steel, and no HIV. I'm now an adult movie star, banging porn stars.
Thank you, SICP!

HI, I AM G.J. SUSSMAN, FOUNDER AND CEO OF SICP. WHILE LAMENTING OVER THE LACK OF FORCED INDENTATION IN SCHEME LAST NIGHT, YOUR MOTHER CALLED ME AND ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO HELP HER WITH A SICP EXERCISE; BEING THE FINE GENTLEMAN THAT I AM, I PUT ON MY DAPPER WIZARD HAT AND ROBE AND WENT OVER TO HER HOUSE. ROGUISHLY SNEAKING THROUGH THE BACK DOOR I KNOCKED HER OUT WITH A CUDDER AND TORE THE GARMENTS OFF HER RIPE BODY. HER FULL BREASTS AROUSED ME TO THE DEGREE THAT MY EVALUATOR STOOD STRAIGHT IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO DO A LAZY COMPUTATION. NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTAIN MYSELF, I SHOVED MY RIGHTEOUS SUSSBOY IN THE MANHOLE OF THE FINE LASS. IT WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT DESIGNED FOR A MAN OF MY OBSCENE GIRTH, AND SHE WOKE UP FROM THE PAIN. NOT CARING ABOUT ANYTHING BUT MY MANLINESS, I CONTINUED THRUSTING AS SHE FAINTED AGAIN FROM THE AGONIZING TORTURE OF THE TRIPEDAL CREATURE LOOMING OVER HER. IN A MINUTE I WAS ABOUT TO EXPLODE WITH THE FORCE OF SEVERAL ANGRY SUPERNOVAS IN A SACK, . THE FLOOD CAME, AND LIKE MOSES I CLEAVED HER IN HALF FROM THE SHOCK. NOT STOPPING, I SHOVED THE HOSE IN HER EYE SOCKET AND LET THE REST OF THE SAUCE ENTER HER SKULL. AFTER THAT I WENT HOME AND READ SICP UNTIL I FELL ASLEEP. I GUARANTEE IT.

holy shit what the fuck is wrong with this ...... this ..... named-thing-fag

3DPD, etc

>>5350630
Cancer normalfag, this place is dangerously infected.

How do your social circles react to fact, that you never had a girlfriend?

My old friends are the same way (20-year olds) so obviously they don't say anything. Family knows that I'm fucked up so they don't say anything. Bitches in college probably whisper behind my back. But never anyone told me boldly that I'm pathetic, which is strange.

oh god damn it

After a long walk between the bookcases, she stops. And she starts searching for that book.
"May I help you?" you say already seeing the book, and that Koakuma searches at the wrong place. You get the book down from the bookcase.
"Oh, you've found it!" she says smiling. But why is she blushing so heavily? She steps closer to you. She hugs you, you try to push her away, because your first thoughts was Sakuya and her silver knives...
But, her pretty hands won't let go of you.
"Oh? What's wrong?" you ask her surprised.
"...you smell good." She stares you with dreamy eyes. "Awww...your scent makes me dizzy..."
"Whaaaat!?"
"Umm...milk...I want milk..."
"Are you alright, Koakuma?" Koakuma looks at you vacantly and puts her hands on your pants.
What the...wait a minute!!"

ZIIIIIIP...

>>5350632
What are you talking about? Isn't /jp/ ronery?

Patchouli looks at the two of you and drops the book from her hands.
"Koakuma...what the hell are you two doing?!" Patchouli asks shocked and she blushes and covers her face in her hands.
You bitterly smile as you look down at Koakuma sucking your shaft.
"Umm...mmm...CHAP-CHAP... his cock is getting bigger...it doesn't fit in my mouth...ummm...SLURP-SLURP." The enchanted Koakuma massages your abs and sucks on you like a kitten does to its mother's titty.
"She said something about my smell, and this happened..."
"Then...why don't you hurry up and cum?" Patchouli reddens and yells at you.
"Y...yeah, but...it's not that easy..." you say, but your shaft is only half erect because of the shock.
"...the milk won't come out...ohh, I'm thirsty..." Koakuma says. "SLURP-SLURP...MUMPH-MUMPH...I want milk now..."
Koakuma flails her legs. Then Patchouli walks up to her.
"Koakuma, you have to do more to have him make milk."
"Is that so?" she says.
"Uh-huh. You have to tickle the tip like this or lick the sack up...massage his balls and the shaft if necessary." Patchouli kindly advises Koakuma.
"I understand. Let me try now!"
Koakuma flattens her devilish ears and wiggles her tongue on your shaft.
"Umm...CHAP-CHAP-CHAP...ohh..."

>>5350831
Reported.

"Ohh!! This is super..." The electrifying sensation further raises in your shaft upward. "Your advice is working, Patchouli...you're sure experienced." You bear the pleasure and tell Patchouli.
"What do you mean I'm experienced? I just read that in a book. I've never actually done it, myself..." Patchouli timidly tells you this and quiets down.
"Sorry, I didn't know you hadn't..."
"Hey, don't make me say something like this!" Patchouli looks away, but she doesn't stop peeking at our act.
"Ummm...SLURP-SLURP-SLURP...you taste thicker than before...ohh...I want to drink it...please...ummm..." Koakuma erotically twists her hips and clumsily keeps stimulating you and you see that her tail elegantly sways as she moves.
"Ohh...I feel good, Koakuma..."
"I'll serve you good, so...give me a lot of milk...MUMPH-MUMPH." Koakuma buries her face in my crotch and serves your dick. You see her ears are still fluttering.
"CHAP-CHAP...the extract is coming out...ohhh, it makes me feel dizzy...umm..." Her warm tongue entangles around your shaft. The softness quickly takes you up high.
"Ahhh...I feel like I'm floating in the air...ummmm..." Koakuma sweetly pats and touches herself.
CHAP-CHAP-CHAP...
You hear wet sounds.
"Ah, my tummy feels numb....ummm...!"
BRRRR. She trembles as her body flushes pink. She continues to massage your dick.

You are quickly reaching the edge:
"K...Koakuma, I'm...cumming...ohh..."
"Please...cum...cum a lot..SLURP-SLURP...ummm...." she strokes your dick with her hand and taps the tip with her tongue.
I feel a burning sensation inside me. The heat gathers at my crotch. Every time she moves her tongue, a hot pleasurable sensation seethes up.
"Ummm...ummm...CHAP-CHAP...cum, please cum now...MUMPH-MUMPH..."
She passionately pants and strokes you harder.
"...I can't hold on any longer!!"you say and after a moment later "I'm cumming!!"
Your groin tenses up and your concentrated extract rushes through your gun barrel and shoots out into Koakuma's mouth.

SPLAT-SPLAT-SPLAT!!
"Ahhh...umm...your milk...your thick milk is filling me up...GULP-GULP..."

CHAP CHAP CHAP

>>5350847
Reported

"I will go and tell this to Miss Sakuya!" Patchouli says with a wide smile on her face.But probably because she sees your and Koakuma's shocked she changes her mind "Ah, alright alright. Then I won't tell her this. But I have one condition."
"What would it be?" you ask her, ready to make anything that she wishes.
"Then you promise me, that you will return to my libary!" her face reddens again as she continues. "you know.. to make me experienced, at those things..."
"Because you can't learn everything from a book." you say, helping her through to the end her sentence. "I think I can promise this."
"Okay, right... Koakuma please guide him out." she says and she disappears behind a bookshelf.

Koakuma looks at you blushed, and tired. She gives you a warm smile, then she speaks:
"I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist, your smell..." she turns away "I-I just... well where do you want to go?"
"I think..."

Suddenly, a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes materialized in front of them and stared menacingly. In a loud booming voice, it asked "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" and everything turned black.

When they woke up, they found themselves sitting in a lecture hall at MIT, amonst several dozen other students. "Welcome to 6.001" was written on the board. Professor Gerald Jay Sussman walked into the room, wearing his robe and wizard hat.

"Is this a hack?" he asked as he glanced around and saw the strangely-dressed group, shocked and staring back at him.

"What...?" Patchouli managed to say, all of them confused and unable to understand what had just happened.

"Nevermind, let's start the lecture." The Sussman said softly.

"I'd like to welcome you to this course on computer science. ... Actually, it's a terrible way to start. Computer science is a terrible name for this business. First of all it's not a science." The Sussman lectured while the students sat and listened attentively.

"What's going on?" Koakuma whispered to Patchouli.

"I have no idea. But this is getting interesting."

"Or we'll actually see that computer... so-called science actually has a lot in common with magic." The Sussman continued.

"So procedures are the spells if you like that control these magical spirits that are the processes."

The Sussman produced a wand and waved it in the air, muttering to himself. A bright flash of light filled the room, and a stream of glowing parentheses shot out the end of the wand, dissappearing into the air. The students applauded loudly.

"But... how can he do that? He's only a human, right?" Koakuma whispered.

The Sussman, who up until now had paid no attention to the group, turned and stared at her with an astonished expression.

"What did you just say?" he asked, pointing his wand at her.

"And... well I guess you know everyone needs a magical language and sorcerers, right, real sorcerers use ancient Arcadian, or Sumerian, or Babylonian or whatever. We're gonna control our spirits in a magical language called LISP, which is a language designed for talking about... for casting the spells that are procedures to direct the processes," the Sussman continued, moving his hands in a series of complex movements as he spoke.

"What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," Patchouli muttered almost inaudibly.

Once again, the Sussman quickly turned and stared at her, retrieving his wand and pointing at her with it.

"Excuse me?" he asked, "What did you say again?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying to avoid attention.

"No, I'm pretty sure you said something. Please repeat it for us, so as not to miss a fine learning opportunity."

"She said, 'What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic'," Koakuma exclaimed. At the sound of those words the Sussman's face turned a bright red.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!!" The Sussman shouted angrily. "By the power of the Y combinator I send thee to the land of Java!"

"Now perish!" The Sussman shouted, conjuring a huge pair of parentheses from his wand, which surrounded the group and enveloped them in a closure.

"What do we do now?!?!" Koakuma screamed at Patchouli.
"I don't know!" she shouted angrily in reply as the both of them hammered as hard as they could against the invisible, unyielding walls of the closure.

"I hope you learned your lesson, freaks!" The Sussman exclaimed, as the closure rose up towards the ceiling with the two trapped inside, exploding into a shower of white parentheses as it hit the top. The Sussman returned the wand to his pocket and continued lecturing.

...

"Where... are we?" Koakuma whispered as she opened her eyes to find Patchouli lying next to her.

"I think that guy said something about the 'land of Java'" Patchouli said in a low voice as they both sat up to find themselves in an empty office cubicle. The sound of mouse clicks and typing could be heard coming from around them.

They cautiously walked towards the opening of the cubicle, which lead to a long, brightly lit hallway that seemed to go on forever.

"Let's find a way out of this place," Koakuma said.

They walked into the cubicle beside the one they respawned in, but it wasn't empty; there was a desk, a computer, and an expressionless, bald man with startingly white skin sat there, staring into the monitor and pressing the keys frantically. They could see he was playing Perfect Cherry Blossom.

>>5350890
Reported

"Umm... excuse me? Could you ---" Koakuma began.

The man remained focused on the game.

"Hello?!?!" Patchouli screamed at him while waving her arms across his eyes. The man remained undisturbed, and continued to graze with astonishing accuracy. Even when she covered her eyes completely he did not miss at all.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" she exclaimed, kicking him and then the monitor; but nothing refused to move --- it was as if there was a barrier surrounding him.

Seeing that nothing in the cubicle would respond to their attempts at moving or destroying it, they gave up and walked out into the hallway.

"This place sure is wierd," Patchouli commented sadly, "let's see what's in the other ones."

They visited several more cubicles, but the situation was the same; in each one was a man playing one of the Touhou series, and none of them could be disturbed by anything they did. After a while, it became apparent that almost every one of the cubicles was identical, and the hallway seemed to go on forever in either direction.

They continued to walk in silence, looking into the cubicles on either side for any sign of escape. One of them seemed to be empty except for a single purple book lying exactly in the middle, and aligned perfectly with the four walls.

"This one's different! But... what can we do?" Koakuma said as they entered it.

Why /jp/ doesn't want ronery threads? What is wrong with you.

Patchouli reached for the book, and to their surprise it moved with her touch. She picked it up and turned it over.

On the cover was a picture of a wizard and the words "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs".

"Structure and Inter--- wait, is this the SICP that snake mentioned before we ---" Koakuma exclaimed.

"I think I remember now!" Patchouli shouted excitedly. "It said something about reading SICP!" She opened it and turned to the first chapter.

They started reading the first chapter, and just as they finished the first section, the lights of the cubicle flickered and the two of them were once again immersed in darkness.

"What now?" Koakuma asked, "didn't we read it?"

A deep rumbling sound was heard, and the floor began to shake. They held onto each other as they felt themselves falling through it, then fainting.

They woke up to find that they were back where they started, and the huge black snake head was still staring at them. Patchouli continued to hold the purple book tightly against her chest.

"You have read your SICP today", the head hissed before disappearing into the air.

Man, fuck LISP and all the child variants of it. Seriously.

That is all.

>>5350901
"ronery" is just another word for misogynistic bullshit reposted from /a/.

Suigin spam is the best spam.

By the way, I just googled "SICP snake" and this was the first result. Good job guys.

>>5350922
And what is wrong with it? Are you normalfags, or you just hate talking about girls?