/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Reported.

I came on my bellybutton yesterday and it's ashing now.

>>5196598
I am your friend, anon-kun.

Dok Nokam was standing on a bar in downtown Los Angelies, drinking his favorite cigar and smoking his favorite beer. Suddenly, alians from outside of space entered the bar.
"Where is the one you call Duk Nukim," said the alin, "we wish to speak with him."
Dek Noukam kicked over his barstool and said, "Here I am, come over here and get some of me."
"We do not want to fight you," the alean ejaculated, "only to talk."
Duke Nukim dodged the aliean seamen and pulled out his shotgun, shouting "I'm not gonna fight you, I'm gonna kick your ass."
Dak Nakam fired at the elian and the ilian was ded. He then tossed what was left of his smoking beer at the corpse to make it smell better and gave his cigar to the bartender to drink because he did not have any money left after undertipping a hooker. Dok Nokem walked outside to see alans everywhere killing people.
"Fuck alieans, I hate aleans, I want to go home," Duk said.
So Duk went home and masterdebated about healthcare with president Obama over the phone. Once Duke had finished and cleaned up, he said,
"My name is Douk Noukem, and I don't pay for phone sex."

I have no friends ;_;

>>You've already reported enough posts.

filtered

>>5196598

>>5196598
Well now you have one friend (me)

>>5196604
You're just part of my imagination ;_;

Breaking the phone in two with his thirteen inch dick, Duke narrowly avoided the 60$ charge for his masterdebating session.
"Damn, I'm good," Douk said.
Duak's window shattered as an alien laser struck a neighboring building. Now an angry motherfucker, Duk went outside to see who he needed to hurt.
Dak Nokim saw aelins killing people and people being killed by ealans and was mad. He realized he had no pants on and his 14 inch dick was touching the sidewalk.
"Dok, go put your boot in the ilians ass," his dick said.
Duk lafed, "You're the smartest talking 15 inch dick I ever known."
However, Dec was in for troble as the various womens and mens running from the ilins were distracted by his 18 inch penis. They crowded around him asking his dick for autographs.
"Fuck off." the dick said as it broke one man's arm.

Now that Duke's penis had frightened the fans away, he used it like a pogo stick and jumped to Gensokyo where the aleians had made ufos attack the city. While he was there he spotted a miko named Reimu.
"Yo wassup nigga youkai don' care about people," Reimu said.
Duke put his dick in the confused miko's ear and it whispered, "Sanae's the miko now. And she's a slut."

And that is the story of how Gensokyo discovered that Sanae is a slut

>Duke narrowly avoided the 60$ charge for his masterdebating session.
Wait, Duke has time to play with himself? Since when?

Eyes lit
On sharp threats
From darks lips

But lights press
The soft skin
To rough hands.
Send "Crimewave" Ringtone to your Cell

>>5196639
Ringtones eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

>>5196669
Beta, you have fallen.

>>5196681
Fallen? No, I've risen through the ranks and I am now /jp/'s number one friend.

>>5196683
Do you want to be my friend?

>>5196686
Of course I do.