/jp/ - Otaku Culture

not Japan/Otaku related.

>>4936282
>>implying V/Ns aren't Japan or Otaku related

>>4936294
western VN's aren't. go to /a/ if you want to talk about that shit.

>>4936284
another example is twins from Nyan Koi

>>4936302
Implying V/Ns are related to [a/

you can't even type [a/ right you should go back and lurk MOAR

>>4936282

No matter how much you hate these threads, it's not going to make the maid delete them. Keep on hatin, brudder.

>[a/
newfag detected. go to /a/ and discuss your one piece of shit.

>>4936315
only those who frequent /a/ refer to it as [a/.

Gb2/a/

>>4936327
I'm just here to rage against the mugenfags.

Recap
TITLE: Is it fate?
BASIC PLOT: The MC is a hiki whose parents died, and had been living off his inheritance. He wasted most of his youth and money just browsing the internet and sleeping the days away. In his late 20s, he realize he is starting to run out of money and he was eventually kicked out of his house. Wandering around the streets like a hobo, he was close to planning on killing himself. Luckily, a church girl spotted him, and takes him to a homeless shelter (warehouse) where he meets other homeless people. Initially, he is a moocher, but as he interacts with other characters, he begins to change and help "work" for his meals.
Basic Script: http://pastebin.com/Q9gXiTtd
Character: MC, Nina (Artistic Girl), Lucetta (Church Girl), Alexis (Homeless Reverse trap bro), Chisame (Homeless Trap Bro), Chris (High school friend/homeless bro)
ROUTES: Nina, Lucetta, Harem (?)
ENDS: Nina (Good), Lucetta (Good), Harem (Good), Bad end (?)

Recap

TITLE: Is it fate?
Basic Plot: The MC is a hiki whose parents died, and had been living off his inheritance. He wasted most of his youth and money just browsing the internet and sleeping the days away. In his late 20s, he realize he is starting to run out of money and he was eventually kicked out of his house. Wandering around the streets like a hobo, he was close to planning on killing himself. Luckily, a church girl spotted him, and takes him to a homeless shelter (warehouse) where he meets other homeless people. Initially, he is a moocher, but as he interacts with other characters, he begins to change and help "work" for his meals.
Basic Script: http://pastebin.com/Q9gXiTtd
Character: MC, Nina (Artistic Girl), Lucetta (Church Girl), Alexis (Homeless Reverse trap bro), Chisame (Homeless Trap Bro), Chris (High school friend/homeless bro)
Routes: Nina, Lucetta, Harem (?)
Ends: Nina (Good), Lucetta (Good), Harem (Good), Bad end (?)

>>4936328
>>newfag saying others are newfags

anyone with half a brain and lurked 4chan for more than a month knows how to hide threads, which you clearly don't know how.


Getting back on topic, Church girl aka Lucetta's first design is pretty much set right? we just have to have the first full body drafts out.

>>4936330
moot said it's [a/ don't bother him about it.

>>4936359
I know how to, I just choose not to. You fags don't belong on this board.

>>4936359
Not quite. We're still working on her details. We were talking about natural hair/eyes, so I suggested her to be black hair/green eyes. JADF, can you do a front view, side view, and couple of expression head shots, all on one page?

Was going to post this in the other thread. Thanks to whoever uploaded it to mediafire. I'll try to stop nitpicking, my critique focuses on more general things like characterization.

>some anonymous board
>strange foreign cartoons
>other weird useless crap
Be specific. Hide your powerlevel in real life, not in a story. What's the point in hiding things from the reader?
>I know the footstep patterns of the rest of the tenants
How? Doesn't MC never leave his room? How would he know his fellow tenants, much less how their footsteps sound?
>You're too behind on the rent (so we're going to evict you now)
Don't rush and give more details. How many times has the landlord come? Was there an ultimatum? Is this how the landlord treats someone who has been living here and paying the rent for 6 years? It seems like it's not important but it doesn't even take another second for a reader to read through an extra detail or two, and adding it will make it more realistic.
>I find it gives the room its unique "I've given up on life" look
Please stop trying to sound like a smartass. It could work as a wise crack, but you need to say it out loud, not in your head. And you need to be consistent.
>It was an ugly neighborhood, poor too.
More imagery. What kind of a city is it? Why is it ugly? If the whole neighborhood is shit, why do people look at the homeless MC with disdain? Hell, what fucking time is it?
>As I pass by a park an older women was giving some kind of religious speak, while a younger girl gave out pamphlets
Welcome to the NHK
>I blurt out what my intentions are, I never been the strongest with social interactions
Inconsistent behavior. No one would tell another person they are commuting suicide, unless they aren't really focused on succeeding. You can claim that MC doesn't really want to kill himself, but you need to make it more clear than this.

In general, I'm glad the MC has a little more personality, but it needs to be more consistent.

>>4936433
they are all HOMELESS and living in the church right?

>>4936368
Your point?

http://pastebin.com/WStAJJEW
New version of pastebin. It's a little longer, and a lot less shitty. For some reason, that was actually fun. Shame I can't write original content.

>>4936446
Run along now, shouldn't you be jerking off to that NSFW tohou thread on the front page?

>>4936471
No. Actually I'm some of the ones sharing ideas for this project.

>>4936443
I think you're directing that question to the wrong person. As far as I know, they are living in a warehouse of some sort, illegally or other means. Normally/logically, the church would probably shelter them, but Lucetta is not a real/official priestess so she can't.

>>4936484
oh ok... a warehouse, an abandoned one? so they don't have access to power? what about sanitary facilities?

>>4936433
Thanks for your suggestions. I've amended it partially to fit with the criticism you gave. Less shitty now.

http://pastebin.com/jMtdaUpN
New updates. It's more consistent and less shitty. Any more creative criticism would be appreciated.

>>4936532
go die in a ditch

Recap
Character Edition

Chisame
Blond twintail with yellow eyes (suggest white ribbons with long hair behind even when in twintail mode
Chest size should be around B

A a sailor based top with the kind of skirt adult nanoha wears with her barrier jacket? small skirt inside large trailing skirt thing outside? Black with yellow trim

Lucetta to be black hair, green eyes, light skin.
Short nun outfit, still have to decide habit or no habit (nun hat)

Chris and Alexis have red hair and hazel eyes. Nina to have brown hair, blue eyes

>>4936547
That's not very nice.
http://jpproject.pastebin.com/awYsiA8A
I made a new one with a subdomain so it's easier to see earlier revisions of this shit.

>>4936547
I'm sorry I'm a visual learner could you do it once so I can observe?

Get out ksdevs

>>4936556
Jealous that this is getting more attention than your shitty retarded handicapped girl VN?

>>4936497
I'm not sure about this part actually. I've joined in pretty late and no one really told me anything about the warehouse. I would say it's rented by Lucetta.

>>4936549
Go with no habit. We don't need to be ZUN and give every character a hat or something. I thought Chisame is a trap? Those breasts better be fake/pads.

Is this the best you fags can do?

After all the constant complaints about how MCs in most VNs are shallow self-inserts, how the heroines are flatly-characterized archetypes and how the actual story is either boring or nonexistent, you start working on making another VN that commits all those same crimes?

If you want to make fools of yourselves that's fine, I guess.

But do it on /a/.

>>4936586
>After all the constant complaints about how MCs in most VNs are shallow self-inserts
I've never complained about this. And the person who wrote this original story wasn't a very good writer. I just tidied it up and made it more consistent.

>>4936586
Start with the basics, mate. We'll make the first one as practice, and when we actually finish it, we can move onto more complicated projects.

>>4936586
You new to the concept of hypocrisy, kid? You didn't make some epic smart discovery, everyone knows this shit and the makers probably even know they're being hypocrites themselves.

>>4936586
>> jp browser calling /jp/ faggots
[a/ mods have pointed out before that VN belongs on /jp/ that's why Moot created this board in the first place, to offload VN and touhou threads.

>>4936583
how does Lucetta have income?
I'll update the K1 archive thread with the other stuff.

>>4936620
>how does Lucetta have income?
It is a mystery. These threads are filled with good ideas, but at the minute there are loads of blank places in the story, but I'm sure someone will think of something.

Project sites.
http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1/index.php?topic=321.0 (currently the only updated thread)
http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1chan/o/ (for images)
http://bunbunmaru.com/kareha/projects/kareha.pl/1271816205/l50 (pretty sure this is dead)
http://jpproject.2ksite.com/ (can't tell where the thread is on this one)

>>4936600
If your aim is to make something respectable, then the hero should not be a self-insert.

>>4936603
That's the same mentality that produced KS.

>>4936608
Typical /jp/ user. Note its shamelessness.

>>4936620
/jp/ is only for good VNs; /a/ can have the awful ones, thanks.

>>4936634
let's just say she has followers despite the fact that she's not a real nun

>>4936620
I'm guessing the homeless bros work for her. They're homeless, not jobless (except for MC). They probably know/feel like she's exploiting them, but they don't care. Somehow, this is starting to sounds a lot like an illegal immigrant in the US now...

>>4936549

I vote no no habit.

>>4936644
and here you are, shamelessly shitting up this thread with no worth contributions what so ever.

Typical /jp/ behavior, DEMAND EVERYTHING, GIVE NOTHING.

This is why we can't have nice things, because everytime someone tries you shit things up.

>>4936649

Expand on this. She helps them to find little jobs around the city, and takes a small percent of the pay?

Umm... I know you VN people are still brainstorming and still kinda early stages. Plot and characters are evolving nicely.

To the character designer and artist:

Your design is very cute so good job on that one. But I really do suggest you draw the final sprites full body so they can be recycled for other graphic requirements like bonus unlockable galleries and separate character profiles and other stuff that might benefit from resource recycling.

For VN engine, though still early, I suggest to use Renpy. It is a mature and very well documented engine.

Please download this. It is a very early GUI from a game I'm working on. This showcases Renpy's imagemap and malleability.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=23R1JNES

I agree that you guys shouldn't try to do a dating sim.
All the good doujin VNs are focused on the story rather than the girls.
It's not like the guys who wrote them are superior to you or me.

A good way to write a story is to first think about an idea, just one.
An idea that feel interesting to you, then use it as the spinal cord of what you will create and go from there.
Characters should be created after, you never create the characters first.

>>4936644
>self-insert.
This isn't a self-insert at all. I don't have suicidal thoughts. I'm sociable. I'm nothing like this character. And he will have a personality, we just have hardly established anything besides the character of Church girl.

>>4936649
>>4936662
If you get good ideas, post them in
http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1/index.php?topic=321.0
so they can be implemented by a writefag. I'm not writing, just cleaning stuff up, and chances are the writefag is not here, so it's highly recommended to post in there, as people won't go and look at every easymodo thread for good suggestions through all the trolls.

>>4936662
No, I'm thinking more like she's the boss of a sweatshop, and she "asks" the homeless bros make religious bubble head toys (or something). She pretty much keeps all the profit to pay rent/utility, buy food/supplies/etc.

>>4936672
We'll just fit the real life trap Chisame's personality with the vn character Chisame

Quick and simple, we'll just bend a few traits so it works out.

>>4936664
That's why they are working on a world/setting/view prologue script right now.

>>4936672
>This isn't a self insert at all.

>The MC is a hiki
>He wasted most of his youth and money just browsing the internet and sleeping the days away. In his late 20s, he realize he is starting to run out of money and he was eventually kicked out of his house.

>>4936690
Well we already have a relatively solid story for the prologue. It's not written very well, but it's still a pretty simple introduction.

>>4936679

It's just a basic idea, at the moment. Wait until we hammer it out a bit more.

Wait, dammit. Been asleep a while, and my brain is still waking up. Lucetta is the one that has all the crazy fetishes hidden away, yes?

>>4936685
I think I like the donation/ follower idea better, I mean she's supposed to be like a nun, listen to confessions, SPREAD THE WORD OF GOD and stuff like that right?

>>4936692
>The MC is a hiki
I'm not a hikikomori. No one on this board has lived as a hiki for 6 years. We have the basics of a character, as of yet, he has no personality, but this will be established. He is not a self-insert.

>>4936697
>Lucetta is the one that has all the crazy fetishes hidden away, yes?
Yeah, someone mentioned something about this.

Oh, and if anyone wants to add more to or modify
http://jpproject.pastebin.com/AynpVqUd
FEEL FREE. Even if you have no writing talent, looking over for typos or adding little tidbits to flesh it out is much appreciated.

>>4936703
I wasn't informed of the donation/follower theory. My suggestion was that she thinks she's spreading the religion by selling those religious bubble head toys. What's the donation/follower theory?

>>4936720
you know kinda... like Zange

>>4936690
>>That's why they are working on a world/setting/view prologue script right now.
What you are writing right now is a simple boy meet girl story.
Other thing like the setting or the characters themselves are pretty much irrelevant.
It's fine if that's what you really want, but there are dozens VNs like this released every months.

>>4936685

Really? That seems to fit less well, with the whole religious angle. With the percent and small job thing, she can at least lie to herself, and claim it's a tithe.

>>4936723
You mean Slutge?

>>4936731
you learn a character's personality from reading their interactions

you don't start off a VN and BAM you know what a character is like

>>4936720

The one I just came up with. It's like Reimu and her "donations". She basically extorts them from you, for help. Only, clearly she's better at it.

>>4936731
>What you are writing right now is a simple boy meet girl story.
No. This is just the beginning of this shit. Now that the MC is being helped to quit his basement dwelling days, there is plenty of possibility for writing. Pretty much anything can be written from there.

>>4936707
Uh, somehow I don't think that your hero being hikki and /jp/ being overwhelmingly NEET and hikki is entirely a coincidence, especially when you factor in that having a hiki as the MC is fundamentally detrimental to writing anything remotely decent.

>>4936754
No, it isn't a coincidence, but it isn't a self-insert.

>>4936723
>>4936734
Let's not turn her into Zange/Sakura. The idea is that, she thinks she's "saving people" by "recruiting" homeless people to work for her in exchange of a place to stay (and giving them a job). It's a rather unique way to look at things, but that's what I want her to believe in. She doesn't use any of the profit on herself (other than the necessaries like food).

>>4936763
Then what's your reason?

>>4936754
Having a hiki as MC = plenty of room for expansion/change. Most cliche story will end with the MC changed for the better. In here, he'll change dramatically, since he will interact with others, he will work, and he will find love.

>>4936772
Because someone on /jp/ thought of it, and I thought it was a pretty good idea. And who gives a shit if it's a self-insert anyways? As long as it's entertaining.

>>4936765

I wasn't trying to imply otherwise. She just gets by with the bare necessity to live, I DID say a small percent of the pay only. It just seems to suit her better then the whole slave-driver thing. she still gives them a place to stay, and makes sure they have food, but, the rest they have to pay for, and I mean that they have to make their own purchases, not she makes them pay her extra. She just takes the small amount she does from each to help pay for the place and food, and the small amounts of things she needs to get bye with.


I'm really just tossing ideas at you. I've been following this since the first "/jp/ living" tread, and have gone fond of the idea. /tg/ is my main home, so, I'm used to protects getting started, and then vanishing. Don't wanna see that happen.

>>4936808
So do they work directly under her, or work outside? I recommend under her because if under her, the pay wouldn't be too good (which is a good thing, keeping them around), and we wouldn't need to introduce new characters.

>>4936783
There are other characterizations that would fulfill the same function more effectively.

>>4936786
>I thought it was a pretty good idea.

It's not. It's a lousy idea and it reeks of writing yourself into the story. How could you be so creatively bankrupt as to-

>Because someone on /jp/ thought of it, and

Oh. That's why. Seriously, for people who (I would assume, as you're on /jp/, talk about VNs all the time, I'm led to question your tastes if you're using the premise of Clannad as your guiding star. You could at least use something worthwhile (like Phantom of Inferno or Ever17) as your model.

>And who gives a shit if it's a self-insert anyways?

Uh, /jp/ does. There's a reason that roleplaying and writefaggotry is poorly looked-upon.

>As long as it's entertaining.

This same justification is used by Twilight fangirls, "writers" from fanfiction.net and "artists" from Deviantart.

>>4936857
Suggest one besides average school student, goes to school, or average office worker, goes to work every day etc etc.

I'll be back in a few hours, going to attend class.

>>4936857
all your doing is complaining and contributing nothing worthwhile, you should get off your high horse and at least give examples, but NOOOOO all you do is whine like a rabid obese fangirl who took two steps into the sun and hightails it back into her sanctuary littered by YAOI magazines.

>>4936857
>You could at least use something worthwhile (like Phantom of Inferno or Ever17)
Chaos;Head is my favourite VN (As you can tell by my shitty name.), and I would love to have a story like Chaos;Head, but a lot of people seemed to like this, and it's easier to write for.

>>4936857
>>Phantom of Inferno or Ever17

Stopped reading when I got there, you're comments are now regarded as shit.

>>4936829

I was thinking rather menial work, nothing that would last more then a job or two. Yard-work, helping to panit a room, that sort of thing. Perhaps she takes the MC under her wing, and has him help her directly, as to avoid the adding of new people in to it?

Man, I go to sleep for one thread and when I come back there's a trap and a warehouse?

At least it's progress. As long as the church girl design stays the same, I'm happy.

>>4936266
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I'd like to point out a few things. Please don't take this as insulting; I merely mean it as constructive criticism.

Firstly, the plot is pathetic. It's understandable that there wouldn't be much down yet as it's only been a few days, but it looks as if we're starting to accept low quality just to have something done. As I see it, the largest problem we have right now is that it leaves the reader uninvolved. There is no proper introduction of the character. Read any book, or even any decent VN and you will notice that the character has a good deal of introduction before any sort of major events occur. The current script does nothing to display the MC's reclusive nature (or any personality traits, for that matter). Fuck, he goes right outside and talks to a girl. Even if you explicitly tell the reader he's reclusive, you still need to characterize him as such. As it is, his character is utterly unbelievable and he is difficult to empathize with.

<continued in next post>

Next, I'd like to attest to the severe lack of build up thus far. You can't have everything be exciting. Making a story like that sounds nice in theory, yet it just doesn't work out. I'm sure you've read Umineko. That's a perfect example. How much boring crap is there in that story? Well, there's a lot of it, and it's really entertaining none-the-less. The point is that exciting moments are special because of their rarity. Start off slow, and then work your way up to depressing scenes of the MC being violently evicted (although I don't know if I even like this idea in the first place; it seems unrealistic).

Finally, there needs to be some point in reading the story. As it is, this is just going to be a terrible dating sim. It'll be sad if that happens, since there's so much more we could easily do. We really need to think of some conflict. Every good story needs a conflict of some sort. Maybe the MC completely distrusts people for the majority of the story, and as a result he causes a lot of problems for them, or something. In any event, we need something for the reader to actually want to read.

I don't mean to insult the current writing. While it lacks a lot of qualities, I can certainly see what the writer was going for. It's just that we can adjust those efforts to something more interesting with such simplicity that I cannot think of a reason not to.

I don't think I'm a good writer, but I'll try to write something up to give an idea of what I mean. Let's try our best on this, guys.

>>4936896
>irony

Yann Martel writes self inserts, wins hundreds of thousands of dollars in book prizes, sells millions of copies and doesn't afraid of anything? See also Kipling and many other authors.

To a certain extent, one has to write what they know. There's a large difference between writing a story centered literally around oneself and writing a story around someone who bears a resemblance.

I still don't particularly like the plot because I think the VN genre is overwhelmed with redemption/resurrection stories, but as long as you don't set it in Japan, I'll be happy.

Devote a large part of the beginning to the protagonist only. It can be just him derping around his living space being hikki, it can be him going outside and having awkward interactions with cashiers, whatever. We need to see his thoughts and actions first and foremost.

Black hair, green eyes and light skin was it going to be?

>>4937053
Light hair, dark skin.

>>4937008
>>4937011

This is a pretty respectable response.
If you're trying to accomplish something at least make sure it's worth accomplishing.

>>4937026
>Yann Martel writes self inserts, wins hundreds of thousands of dollars in book prizes, sells millions of copies and doesn't afraid of anything? See also Kipling and many other authors.

The difference is that these people themselves are interesting, worldly and have a breadth of knowledge and experience that /jp/ does not. If they write themselves as characters, it can still be engaging and compelling in a way that you can't claim for pretty much everyone who uses this board.

That's why I think you people really need to rethink the characters and premise. Following what: >>4937008 >>4937011 has said is a good start.

>>4937053
nun dresses don't have sailor skirts...

other than that you seem to have the keypoints down
Lucetta to be black hair, green eyes, light skin.
Short nun outfit, No Habit

http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1/index.php?topic=321.0

only active project thread right now, so far we have an idea of what to expect in Lucetta and Chisame's design

...Wow. You people are actually writing that transvestite attention whore into the story?

>>4937011
>>4937008
That is because neither me, nor the person who wrote the original script thing have any experience in this. Neither of us know how to properly tell or pace a story. I enjoy looking over shit and tidying it up.
>I don't think I'm a good writer, but I'll try to write something up to give an idea of what I mean. Let's try our best on this, guys.
That would be very nice.

>>4937120
I don't know where you got tranny from, but I'm pretty sure that Chisame isn't one how do you attention whore without a trip or starting threads?

>>4936936
>you're

>>4937120
I thought it was a joke, too.

A smaller cast would be better, honestly. Traps and reverse traps and such are good, but we need a tiny little cast, and the church girl and brown haired former /jp/ girl were already decided on.

>>4937138
posting links to a personal blog

>>4937149
/jp/ girl and Lucetta are the only two with routes, others are minor characters.

>>4937138
Writing your "friends" or people you know into a story is one of the telltale signs of awful fanfiction.

If you don't want this to turn into another terrible self-masturbation fantasy ala KS, sit down and start thinking of a worthwhile story before making characters.

>>4937157
people post links to Danbo's blog too does that make Danbo an attention whore?

>>4937053

Looks rather good for a rough-draft.

I thought hips were to be more Nina's thing?

>>4937169
The mangaka of To-love-ru fucking wrote his wife into the story. Ken Akumatsu also used real life references in his stories, guess what? It works and it brings many authors/artists cash.

We aren't going for cash though.

>>4937181
yes, even more so for posting camwhore pics on /a/ instead of /b/ where they belong.

>>4937181
Yes, it does. What kind of person puts pictures of himself crossdressing on the internet?

>>4937193
Nina's flat but has DEM HIPS and DEM EYES.

Lucetta is more well endowed with a more balanced figure.

That's what has been decided on. The skin color and hair color for Lucetta is still up for discussion, but I vote dark skin and light hair like the original.

As long as there's pantyhose involved with her, I'm fine.

>>4937169

>implying KS is not better then anything you have ever done

>>4937136
As I said, I don't think I'm very good at this. Regardless, I'm having fun jotting down ideas. Here's what I've got so far (keep in mind I just started it):

"It's cold" I pointlessly declare to myself
Thinking about it, that's the last time I've heard someone speak in...how long now?.
Oh well, it's not like it matters.
Lazilly, I wrap a gray blanket around myself like a mummy.
Actually, that's a good comparison. Lying in my "casket" is my only goal for the day. And every day.
How long has it been now? I think I've been locked away for...? I check the date on my computer.
Surprisingly, I've reached six years of isolation. You could even say I'm a master. Haha.
My laughter quickly stops. It always does now. I think about three years ago, the mummification began to affect my lungs.
For some odd reason I can't laugh anymore. Actually, my vocal cords were the first thing to go.
Alone in this casket, there's no one to talk to. That's probably the reason I'm here, though.

Any criticisms? If I'm going in the wrong direction, I'd like to turn it around sooner rather than later.

>>4936266
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>>4937215

Ah, thanks for that. Wait, is it dem hips AND dat ass, or just the hips? Because it IS possible to have one without the other.

I'll agree, Lucy is brown, light/white hair. And, I think the pantyhose are a fixed feature, not something you need to worry about.

>>4937233
It's better than anything I or that other dude could write. I like it. It's all ronery and shit and actually entertaining to read.

>>4937252
>Lucy is brown, light/white hair
I want this too. Like the OP image. She's so cute :3

>>4937252
Nina can have both dem hips and dat ass.

>>4937233

>the mummification bega

wut. He has mummy rot?

>>4937265
No. No, he does not.

>>4937196
Except that Love Hina, Negima and To Love Ru are all awful.

>>4937264

Wonderful. Suggestion: her normal wear is a bit bulky, so you are unable to tell the magnitude of dat ass, or dem grab-able hips at first glance.

>Lucetta has brown skin and light/white hair
I support this too.

>>4937285
They are what makes money, gets fanbases going and better than anything you'll ever produce in your pitiful lifetime.

>>4937272

Sorry. DnD joke, could not help. It's not BAD writing, it's just a bit purplish prose. However, it's a good base to start on, your detail is nice.

>>4937222
>then

>>4937293
That's fine with me. Should her sweatshirt stay grey or change? I know the original green sweatshirt seemed a bit Chie-like, but the grey seems a bit drab. Then again, it's a uniform...I guess her normal wear could be a bit less boring.

>>4937299
I think they reversed due to the albino discussion a while back? well anyways they can always redecide when the character design arts are produced, did you fix the skirt yet?

>>4937307

>Two men walk into a bar. I forget the rest of the joke, but your mother is a whore.

>>4937309
keep it grey for now

>>4937309

Humm..another idea. she thinks her ass is too big, it's why she's always wearing bulky stuff, to avoid having people look at that "Goddamn over-sized lump of butt-meat."

I mean, who among us does not have something they hate, that someone else might find attractive?

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>>4937311
I will post the fixed version along with colors, tomorrow that is. Good night.

>>4937306
Oh, I don't think by any means that this should be the final script. I just made up a metaphor off the top of my head and stuck it in. Actually, I've got no experience writing fiction. I'm hoping to use this as one of many examples we'll hopefully produce so that we can make a better script later.

Brown skin and white hair is god-tier.

>>4937349
We really need someone who can actually fucking write. I can write shit, I just can't write an actual story, I'm just completely shit at it.

>>4937349

Oh, I was guessing you did not intend for it to be in the final, I was just trying to give constructive criticism.

Like I said, I'm a /tg/er, so, I'm used to inventing story and the like, and used to some...bad attempts, too. Yours is not that bad, at all, just needs a bit of work. You bother with the detail, something a lot of people don't.

>>4937381
Hopefully you can keep helping then, /tg/ friend. Thanks for the advice. If you have any more I'd be happy to hear it.

I can attempt to write a deep intro to start you guys off. You guys want it from Church girl or protag's perspective because I can go either way.

>>4937429
The protagonist is probably a better idea. I think there's sorta an imprinting stage where the reader attaches themselves to the first developed character.

>>4937415

Not like I got shit going on now, and it would be nice to help keep you lot moving.

Might have a job soon, but it's going to be minding old people, in their houses, and I only would need to help when they need it, otherwise it's just making sure they don't die. Also, $400 tax refund is coming, so, can get my laptop fixed. So, even in work, I can still aid.

>>4937441

Yeah. No need to try anything fancy, go from his perspective. He's the one we will be going with, so, we need to know him, why he does this, all that kinda fun stuff.

>>4937458
Have you considered trying your hand at writing something. Just looking at your posts, your writing skills appear to be pretty good. The more ideas we get, the quicker we can put together a finished plot. Even just writing a paragraph or two could help. This applies to anyone else who might want to help as well.

This is still going on? Shit, why not just sticky this like /a/'s first KS thread?

>>4937485

Humm. I can try my hand at it. The main issue is, I don't know the characters very well. We still need to flesh them out more, because at the moment, all I know is "Dat ass, (if we go with it) does not like her dat ass, wishes she did not have to work" and "Brown skin/white hair, sectirtly a massive pervert, hides it under faith, perhaps keeps a journal of all her impure thoughts, and may or may not take a page from Reimu and her "Donation" box."

I'm more then happy to help flesh them more, NPC making is one of my favorite parts of the job. But, need you guys to bounce the ideas off of, and make your own suggestions.

>>4937544
I have no ideas for characters. I'm a useless cunt.

>>4937538
We have no mods to sticky it.

>>4937544
Yeah, if you could come up with some ideas of the characters that would be awesome, because they're pretty much empty right now.

We should probably also explain the pasts characters have, like why the church girl is so obsessed with religion and whatnot.

You guys could always go the easy route and say that she was abused or neglected when she was younger and ended up homeless somehow, and since the church took her in for a little while she took to religion, but since her stay there was so short she doesn't really grasp all of that stuff. Forced grimdark past is still a past.

>>4937551

This...this makes me use a reaction image. This is why this stuff dies, because you lack faith in your own work. Godamnit, don't make me be this groups Kamina. I don't want to die half-way thought working on this.

It does not matter. Even bad ideas can give birth to good ones. So, get that brain working!

>>4937567
On the note of pasts, I'm kinda stuck thinking of what to make the MC's past. Why is he locking himself up in the first place? Anyone have any ideas?

Original writefag here who did the write up.

Thanks a lot who's doing the editing, I really appreciate it.

I'll hold off writing until tonight when things begin to slow down, this is expanding pretty quickly so I'll just wait and absorb as the day goes on, after characters and story start to get more solid

>>4937571
That image always makes me laugh, and yeah I agree. If everyone can come up with some ideas even if 99% of them are bad, we can extract the good 1% and make that into something at least tolerable.

>>4937233
This comes off as self-pitying and emo; many prospective readers would probably turn away in disgust right here. Are you open to some suggestions?

Here is what I got:

The night I was abandoned in front of this storehouse was angry and full of drops and lightning spears, the world was full of shadows mocking my poor situation as I ate pocky on the seat of my motorbike. I can feel the shadows of people laughing at me, everyone in the world hates your guts there's no point to playing this game called life at all. But among the shadows was single lantern of hope you could see it shining it almost looked like it was dancing among shadows and thunder, but the flashing sound blocked out it's voice. I could hear some sort of repeating verses from the lantern, what was it saying? Something like “Fail, Barry teen of haste”? I can't hear it clearly, but it seems to be getting closer. What's this person saying? What if I'm being mocked even more? Maybe even god hates me. The figure I saw as a light came closer and was revealed to be of a womanly shape, as she got closer, I could hear what she was saying more clearly. It was some kind of Catholic rosary or a song, I don't exactly know the name of it is since I've never been to church in my life. The girl walks and her footsteps are as silent as the most quiet mouse. I can hear what she's saying “Hail Mary queen of grace, hail Mary queen of grace, did she just forget the whole thing or something? Why is she repeating that?

The girl approaches me and says “Hello son, it must be fate that we met, would you please take my hand and join me in my covenant with God?”

For some reason I think the world hates me.

>>4937592
>self-pitying and emo
So... depressed? That isn't something irregular among a hikikomori surely?
>>4937571
I can do shit, but I honestly have no faith in my ability to make a character. I'll happily sit there for an hour like I did with that other prologue thingie and make it better. Or I can make non-shitty music.

>>4937592
Of course I am! You can call my mother a piece of moldy shit for all I care. If you want you can even just edit it yourself, I'm not going to get angry. Any suggestions are welcome.

>>4937572

Well..ask /jp/. Why do you guys not like to go out? I'm just bad with people face to face, but, I still throw myself out there, because I need a damn job. Force my self to try and talk to people, even though it tends to go badly. For post note, I've Aspergers and ADD. NOT ADHD, and no, it does not affect me working on this, as I can watch a movie while I poke at you guys.

How about you guys?

>>4935886
i have to thank you :D

>>4937613
We don't give a fuck and want you to get the fuck out

>>4937601

Bit bland, a bit run-ony. However, I do like the idea of her seeing you and basically kidnapping the MC.

>>4937613
I don't like to go out because I don't see why I should go out when I'm a lot more entertained browsing /jp/, reading visual novels and playing video games. I can talk to people unlike a lot of you people, but I still don't want to go out to socialize.
>>4937611
Self-pitying and emo is good. The MC is obviously depressed, and the faggot that used self-pitying and emo as an insult is clearly an idiot that does not understand the mindset of a depressed individual.

>>4937616
>:D
Leave and never return.

>>4937613
/jp/ is not your blog. Don't derail this thread. Get out.

>>4937620
Replace "we" with "I" and that is a perfectly logical statement. You don't constitute /jp/'s entirety.

>>4937601
I don't understand this at all. What? Can someone help me understand this? I like the writing though, if I just knew what exactly this was.

>>4937628
Just because he uses emoticons doesn't mean he should get out, silly. Don't rage over it so hard. Only faggots get riled up over emoticons. Sure, a dumbass newfriend who comes in spamming ':)' can be flamed, but ':D' isn't all that bad. I use it in video games.

>>4937640
get out

>>4937631

He's wandering around , depressed, not sure what to do. He stumbles on Lucetta preaching in the street, and she decides to make something of him. MC is less then pleased.

So here's what I've got so far:

"It's cold" I pointlessly declare to myself
Thinking about it, that's the last time I've heard someone speak in...how long now?.
Oh well, it's not like it matters.
Lazilly, I wrap a gray blanket around myself like a mummy.
Actually, that's a good comparison. Lying in my "casket" is my only goal for the day. And every day.
How long has it been now? I think I've been locked away for...? I check the date on my computer.
Surprisingly, I've reached six years of isolation. You could even say I'm a master. Haha.
My laughter quickly stops. It always does now. I think about three years ago, the mummification began to affect my lungs.
For some odd reason I can't laugh anymore. Actually, my vocal cords were the first thing to go.
Alone in this casket, there's no one to talk to. That's probably the reason I'm here, though.
Recently my heart has begun decomposing. I know because that odd pain in my chest stopped; it must have finally died.
That's fine though. I won't be alive for much longer anyway. Actually, I've already planned it.
You'd be surprised how many people are like me. I wonder where they find all the caskets to hold them.
Anyway, I've found a site online. It's got methods to end the mummification. All it requires is a length of rope or a few drops of

some strange liquid. I'm going to meet a man to help me with it. He says he's helped a lot of mummies so far, and he lives nearby

anyway. I have some anxiety over going outside, but I'll have to leave the casket anyway.
The money's running out. What's allowed me to live in comfort is the money my parents left me when they died. I used to worry about

how I was wasting everything they left me, but that stopped when my heart gave in.
But I digress. There's no need to worry, because it will all be over soon.

With a slightly worried look I redirect my gaze to the bright box in front of me. My day ends in that same position.
<continued in next post>

>>4937648
No. Go away if you're so asspained by emoticons, faggot.
>>4937649
Oh. Right.

---A few days later---

I wonder when I last washed my clothes. It's impossible to tell their original colors from the layers of stains.
Looking at a particularly disgusting pair of pants I notice a color I didn't even know existed. It would probably be
better for the world if it didn't. Thinking this, I drop the pants and search desperately for something that looks moderately clean.
Actually, I'm beginning to worry. Should I go outside at all?

Y/N

[Y]

Despite my worries, I find a sweatshirt that only has a bit of mustard on it and a miraculous pair of dull pants with no stains.
Resolving myself, I remember why I'm going out into the dangers of reality. In a week I need to meet the man who said he would save

me. He gave me the meeting place, but it's a new shop and I don't know where it is. It would embarass me to ask him, since I don't

want him to know just how long I've been hiding in this hole. It may seem pathetic to avoid asking a question for such a stupid

reason, but that's just the kind of person I've become. It's okay, I just have to find it. I just have to open the door and...
Looking towards the door I finally remember why I stopped opening it in the first place and an absolute feeling of dread overwelms me.
Laughter and insults are all I can hear in my head. It's enough noise to give anyone a headache. I harshly grab my skull and try to

shake it, almost hoping the ideas would just fall out. They don't. I always wonder why humans retain the past so well. Why was I born

without the ability to just forget these things? Evolution really confuses me. After a little while I drink a glass of water and seem to calm down. Damnit. I really thought this would be simple, but reality never is.

Just posting in random intervals so as not to do something really stupid. Also, if you're curious, yes leads to the religious girl and no leads to bad end or something else I'm not gonna bother thinking about at the moment.

>>4937606
>So... depressed? That isn't something irregular among a hikikomori surely?

Believe me when I say that it's not realistic. Ever been to one of the many threads where normalfags tell /jp/ why their lifestyle is wrong? Remember how /jp/ responds (either saging, reporting or refuting)?

When people live a certain way for any period of time, they become comfortable and justify it to themselves--even if it was forced upon them at first. They aren't going to piss and moan about how miserable they are, they're going to either a.) not think about it and keep themselves absorbed in other activities or b.) create defensible reasons for their existence.

Why do you think it's so difficult for people to willingly seek treatment for mental illnesses?

We should probably try to just ignore the trolls, or the rest of /jp/ is going to start getting pissed at us.

>>4937663
Is this a joke? I think you're taking this metaphor too far if not.

>>4937663

Alright. so, suicide right of the bat, is his main idea? Just...hates the idea of being out in the world that much?

>>4937668
Actually, I think you're right. In fact, the original mood I was gonna go for was apathetic, but it kinda seemed to work out better with him depressed. I'll try to make an apathetic version as well, after I finish the version I'm working on now.

Holy fuck I go to bed and I wake up to this contrived shit. You people have no idea how to keep it simple at all. A trap? A fucking trap? My god you're trying to cover your own shitty writing with a large cast because you can't come up with any fucking ideas. I hope this fails now.

>>4937668
Fuck. I can't explain it. Basically, the MC is 'wasting his life', as they say and he's a stupid faggot who thinks he is wasting his life, so he goes all emo. Or something like that. I mean, I wouldn't live my life like this if I didn't enjoy it, but maybe he has some magic social interaction that makes him appreciate people or something. Who the fuck knows.

>>4937687
It's kinda sad you expected anything else honeslty

>>4937673
You're probably right. I'll try to
fix that.
>>4937677
Think I'm jumping the ship?

>>4937687
Maybe you should go back to bed, madfag.

>>4937692
It's good writing still, and the mummy metaphor is cool at first, but now it sounds like the MC is batshit insane and thinks he is a mummy or some stupid shit.

>>4937695

I'll do that, maybe I'll wake up and you'll grow a fucking brain.

>>4937703
I guess it could go that way. Alright, I'll fix that. Really though, any criticism is good criticism so don't pull any punches. I don't think I'm good at writing, nor have I written any fiction before so any tips will only help me to improve my attempt.

I'm not updating this from the other thread, but this should've been used in the OP.

Status Update:

Archives.
1st: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4922639
2nd: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4924300
3rd: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4930097
4th: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4932413
5th: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4936268

Images.
Gallery: http://m810.photobucket.com/albums/Anon02/jp VN Gallery/

Music & sounds.
lol wut?

Working title: Warehouse

Story drafts.
http://pastebin.com/xzV1DXKQ
http://pastebin.com/7SBgtaB8

Project sites.
http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1/index.php?topic=321.0
http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1chan/o/
http://bunbunmaru.com/kareha/projects/kareha.pl/1271816205/l50
http://jpproject.2ksite.com/

Characters: drawfag-/jp/girl, church girl, Chisame, dakimakura, onahole, protagonist.

VN engine.
ONScripter: http://onscripter.denpa.mobi/
or
Ren'Py: http://www.renpy.org/

Basic story outline.
Protagonist sucks at life, decides to start a game company in an abandoned warehouse with bros and /jp/girl. Meets innocent church girl who pitties him. NTR. End.

>>4937708
>maybe when I grow up you'll grow a brain
>implying you can grow a brain
>implying you're not just mad and should go to bed like I told you to
>implying you're not going to make a post telling me to go back to /v/ for implying pretending to be a different person but in fact samefagging in a pathetic attempt to seem like your shitty argument has any weight behind it

Remember guys, this is "anything goes". This is a test run. This is not THE story yet. Do not rise your standards above "shit". If you manage to produce good stuff, then fine, but do not rise your standards. Those standards do not exist yet. When we do set up standards, they will be adjusted according to what WE have made. We have not made anything finished yet, not even a test run. Keep this as a test run. Please.

Thank you.

>>4937723
Yeah. Drawfags and writefags have managed to make some solid material so far though. I am proud of /jp/.

>>4937719
>>implying
Jesus christ, get the fuck out

I'm not hot on the idea of a trap

Maybe one of the homeless guys can be one for shits and giggles, but an entire route is retarded and would just increase the chance of failure

>>4937719

Out comes the greentexting, you really are a fucking idiot. Still denying the fact that the story so far is shit and there are too many characters.

>>4937734
Butthurt.

having a trap is so random xD

>>4937692

Shark would be the word..and, no. But, we would need to go into WHY he hates the world enough to think about offing himself rather then being a part of it.

>>4937738
Both of these things are true, but there's nothing stopping you from contributing. Coming up with any ideas could help in the end.

>>4937747
It's funny, because he is butthurt.
>>4937750
I also dislike the idea of a trap. But that's what a lot of people on /jp/ like, so, whatever.

>>4937764
I am not a fan of the trap either.

Everything else seems to be going nicely though.

>>4937737

I think it was more of a joke, or perhaps an expansion we could put on, if this works.

>4937760

I have come up with ideas. I'm just disappointed /jp/ can't write a story without including traps and onaholes. It's really not too difficult.

>>4937760
>>4937738
Both those things are true. I'm not denying anything. He is just a madfag that doesn't seem to appreciate that this idea has only been around for 2 days. But besides, there isn't too many characters. Try contribute or write something better, then come and complain, faggot.

>>4937751
Yeah you're right about the phrase, I'm pretty tired right now, haha. My plan was to sorta make the reader want to know it first and then slowly introduce it later. I think I might have been intending this to be too long. I'll start over and aim for a shorter script.

>>4937679
It doesn't have to be apathetic, either. I don't know why all of you are insisting that the MC needs to be a stereotyped depressed/apathetic/angsty NEET. Why can't he be a cheerful and whimsical person, if also a person who's a little bit divorced from reality?

What? You say that's not conducive to a story because a character like that isn't conflicted?

You're full of it, man. There's plenty of opportunities for conflict; for example, let's suppose he LIKES his lifestyle and really believes that he made the right choices, and that he has the eloquence to defend himself, and that the church girl has a more normalfag point of view and is trying to reform him to a darker and "more practical" perspective of the world.

Isn't that your conflict right there? It's not good, but it's more of a start than the predictable and cliched "I am not good with people because of childhood trauma X."


That way, the main conflict in the story can be something other than


and instead of having the conflict in story be something as cliched as "I'm afraid of people/relationships because of childhood trauma X," you

>>4937764
I dislike the trap idea, too. I think that while lots of people like traps we can agree that we don't need one.

>>4937764
No, you're just a shit poster and you should get out.

>>4937778
Yes. We don't need a trap. A trap makes this niche game even more niche. We don't want that.

>>4937624
Well it's an intro so It's supposed to run on a little bit. I was going for a narration that's kind of deep that glorifies the church girl while at the same time showing that he doesn't really care about her at first.

in fact at you can edit the end where he says " I think the world hates me" To "I took a bite of my pocky" and it would have the same affect of showing he doesn't care.

I was also taking into account that his parents just died and he lost his house so the reason he's depresses is because he's staying at the warehouse.

It doesn't have to be apathetic, either. I don't know why all of you are insisting that the MC needs to be a stereotyped depressed/apathetic/angsty NEET. Why can't he be a cheerful and whimsical person, if also a person who's a little bit divorced from reality?

What? You say that's not conducive to a story because a character like that isn't conflicted?

You're full of it, man. There's plenty of opportunities for conflict; for example, let's suppose he LIKES his lifestyle and really believes that he made the right choices, and that he has the eloquence to defend himself, and that the church girl has a more normalfag point of view and is trying to reform him to a darker and "more practical" perspective of the world.

Isn't that your conflict right there? It's not good, but it's more of a start than the predictable and cliched "I am not good with people because of childhood trauma X."

>>4937770

Its a test run more then anything, see if a real project is legit possible. that's it.

This isn't supposed to be deep and complicated, if we go to far we're pretty much doomed from the start

>>4937782
Sounds like you're still mad there, buddy. Maybe you should learn to restrain your obvious mad posts or perhaps invest in the filter if you're so angry?

>>4937770
That seems unrealistic though. In the NEET/Hikki threads there's usually only one guy that says he's happy with his situation.

>>4937774

Planetarian only has two characters and it covers its ass through good plot conventions. I don't expect you to have read it though considering you're from /a/ and don't read VNs.

>>4937794

That wasn't me, how does it feel that not only one person thinks you're shit?

Let's set up our first objectives.

1. Story jumps to our MC's situation.
2. The MC meets the church girl.

Sounds simple, huh? That is a lot more work than you might think. I suggest this should be the absolute maximum for our first objectives. If we can't manage even that, then we can forget about the rest as well. Agreed?

I'm a god tier artist, but I'm not joining this project if there are only people who try to discourage creativity on here.

>>4937770

The issue is, if he's simply happy with how he is, he's not going to move to change at all, even when living elsewhere, although we can try and work that into this.

Any suggestions?

Mummyman here, I think I'm gonna reread a bit through a bunch of VNs for a few hours to maybe rethink how I plan to write my attempt, so don't expect anything for a little while.

ok so back on track, do we want a trap or not? I dont think we should have a whole route based on him, but it wouldnt hurt to have one of the bros (?)

>>4937798
I have read Planetarian. And I'll have you know I read/watch very little anime/manga. I would say Planetarian in fact only had one character. Oh, and I thought Planetarian was pretty mediocre. Basically, you spend 3 days fixing a lightbulb, then you go and die. That's it. For some reason, that made me cry, and I commend the game for that, but fucking hell, Revvie was an annoying autistic robot, and the MC was an old alcholic faggot. No art of other junkers, no nothing.

>>4937794
Reminder that you unironically made this post:
>Just because he uses emoticons doesn't mean he should get out, silly. Don't rage over it so hard. Only faggots get riled up over emoticons. Sure, a dumbass newfriend who comes in spamming ':)' can be flamed, but ':D' isn't all that bad. I use it in video games.

>>4937818
Wow, so mad your looking for past posts to pick on. Fuck off already you faggot. I don't care what you think of me, seeing as you're just a mad troll.
>>4937816
Have fun.
>>4937813
Unfortunately we have no form of killing trolls over the internet. So your demands will be impossible to meet.

>>4937804
It was you though. Now I'm going to stop trying to reason with you.

>>4937815
>The issue is, if he's simply happy with how he is, he's not going to move to change at all

And that's your conflict right there--he's happy with himself and doesn't see why he should change, and can provide perfectly good reasons for his decisions. But there are others who want him to change and they can provide equally good reasons for why they believe what they do. Who's right? Who will give?

>>4937820

Exactly, it was extremely simple and extremely effective. Even though it was mediocre that is precisely what we should be aiming for, not to make this a masterpiece. Keeping it simple will make this go futher.

>>4937813

Show us what you can do, and, well, it's 4chan.

My opinion: God tier. Your opinion: Shit tier.

You get used to it, and it's why I'm cracking the whip a bit. I won't let some people that just want to sage and rage pull this down, if there is a chance it could be worth something fun.

>>4937826
You don't even have the decency to roll with the punches, you're just straight up defending your awful posts. Seriously now, stop posting.

>>4937826

Protip: I haven't once saged this thread.

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>>4937833
I understand what you're saying and all. A short and punchy story would be the best. But we're experimenting, you know? I'm all for a short story with a minimal amount of characters.

Oh, just dug this out of one of the old threads.

Tsundere priestess-in-training. She's religious and an airhead. She's rather aggressive and always asserting her view/opinion as "the will of the god". She is not a real priestess or in any real training; she had been rejected by the church multiples times.

Perhaps we could start with this? Work it into something not exactly a walking stereotype? I rather like the idea of bossy, says it's gods will, though.

>>4937873

A tsundere airhead would be extremely awkward.

>>4937873
I like that, except the tsundere part.

>>4937873
I like the idea of her being a con artist who pretends she's affiliated with a church. She collects homeless people as "God's will" and does it with a happy smile on her face the whole time, but she's not actually affiliated with any church she just wants to randomly help people, but she ends up kidnapping pathetic guys who are not actually homeless to do that.

>>4937873
Let's try to make a tsundere-free project. Tsundere characters are lovely, but there are too many of them.

Confessions: $1

>>4937592 here.

My suggestions:

Begin the story in medias res. Rather than a rant where he’s a mummy complaining about how miserable he is, why not try something a little more subtle?

For example, the story could open with some musing about alcohol.

>Why alcohol?

Because the MC is deciding the beer or wine that he’s going to buy for tonight, taking his time to browse the corner mart’s selection. He’s in no hurry; he doesn’t have to be, as the corner mart where he’s shopping is empty but for him.

>Why is it empty?

Because it’s midnight (though you only learn this part at the end of the scene).

>And what would the significance of this sequence be to the story as a whole?

You can explain his character through the conceit (extended metaphor) of his purchase, specifically in how he considers whether he should chance a new brand, or stick with the same slightly sour, but otherwise bland pisswater to that he’s become accustomed.

Do you want me to try and write this, or does it suck?

>>4937894

Like I said, I was just copy pasting. Bossy, but not tusndere I like the idea of.

>>4937892

More like...all that, only she IS convinced she is doing gods will, and those fools at the church are blind to the True Works that should be done.

>>4937904

Midnight because there are less people around. I know I enjoy shopping at the walmart then, because the place is empty.

>>4937904
Write it write it write it, please.

Let's take a step back, and work on Nina(if anyone has a better name, toss it in, Nina is a bit...plain, at least to my thougths.) So far, we have she's got an ass, and may or may not like it.

Extrapolate. What does she like?

I hate to samefag. But, perhaps some yammmering will get you guys working.

She artistic? She like the vidya? Perhaps a touch of OCD, she has to keep her clothing in the right order, and messes bother her a bit, but, everything else is fine to her?

>>4937970
She likes vidya, sure.

She could be kind of artistic but hesitant to draw anything lately. When she was younger, she could have been a weeaboo and tried to make her own doujins, but they clearly failed and it's her secret shame now.

>>4937970
She used to be into drawing and stuff

secret shame>>4937984

But now she collects model trains (train otaku) and she doesn't think that's shameful.

>>4937984

This. Could let it slip as things go on, perhaps he says some rather obscure anime joke or something, and she gets it and can't hold back a chortle, or something?

>>4937999
The protag can go to her apartment/other living space at some point and step on something before she flicks the lights on, and when he looks down he realizes he stepped on model train tracks. They're set up everywhere in her apartment and are constantly running.

>>4938005
They plan to watch bad TV and make fun of it or something. Protag turns to a horrible, weird show, and she asks "what the hell is this?" He tells her it's Boku no Pico and she gets it.

>>4938013
>>4938007

I like both of these. The train thing...she knows where they are all set so well, she can walk though her room without problem in the dark.

>>4938050
>>4938013
>>4938007
>>4938005
>>4937999
>>4937984
These posts have turned the character who was starting to pale besides Church Girl into one with lots of potential. I'm starting to have faith in this.

Up you go.

>>4938087

I keep saying it: I'm /tg/, and our damn motto is "We get shit done". We are getting this done. And, like I said, again, NPCs are a love of mine. I just don't want to do it all myself, because the flavor needs to come from you guys, too. All of us, it has to come from all of us. I'll just be the guy shoving from behind. I need you guys to pull this thing from above.

>>4938162
Well, I did the godawful original character designs for this and suggested the train thing and a couple other things, so I think I'm gonna stick around for this project. Normally I would have lost interest already, but I agree with your "getting shit done" motto completely.

>>4938162
/tg/ is one of the worst hellholes on 4chan get the fuck out you piece of shit.

>>4938185
Get out, obvious troll.

/tg/ and /jp/ are bros.

>>4938185
/tg/ are bros they're the most mature board. stop hating

>>4938176
I will also stick around to get shit done. I've spent an hour doing my little bit for that pastebin shit, and I actually really enjoyed it, even if the end product was pretty mediocre. I could get better at this.

>>4938192
>>4938198
Either you've never been to /tg/ or you're just fucking delusional.

>>4938205
Even if what we make is mediocre right now, what we really need is that commitment. If there are some dedicated people, we'll be able to learn from our previous shit and hopefully make something better. If all we do is try to make some kind of masterpiece, everyone's just going to give up and this will dissolve.

Brofist to those who are sticking around.

>>4938192
>>4938198
Trolls spotted

I mean seriousl, calling /tg/ mature? Hahaha oh wow

>>4938225
Do you ever get tired of saging the same thread over and over again, sametroll?

>>4938223
Brofist. And bump to negate the mad troll.

>>4938233
We aren't using sage in the way your /b/ addled mind thinks it's being used.

>>4938255
Bump.

Thread reported.

>>4938255
counter reported

>>4938185

/tg/ is trolls trolling trolls, and /t/ouhou /g/ames. Once you realizethis, you start to realize that they don't mean most of it. WE TROLL OURSELVES JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES.

But, enough of that.

>>4938205

You go past what you were a moment ago, each step you better yourself. It's how you get better, by working.

>>4938176

They are a good base. And, like above, you can only get better if you try to improve. I'm going to talk with one of my players in a Fate/Stay game I am co-STing. He's good at drawing, and can help with the concept arts.

>>4938255
lol

>>4938233
Oh I love this argument
>no, noone could possibly dislike x! so they're all the same person! and trolling! because he cant prove me wrong it means im right, right?

fucking pathetic.

>>4938283
lol umad. Counter mad.

>>4938275
>/tg/ is trolls trolling trolls
Hmm where did we hear this
>2007 /b/
>Trolls trolling trolls
>2008 /v/
>Trolls trolling trolls

Needless to say they're the most shit infested hellholes in this place.

>>4938275
That image is just proof of how fucking shitty the board is.

>>4938303
So, you've never been to /tg/, right?

ignore him we don't need to go over the frikkin bump limit just because one guy doesn't like /tg/. Whatever man.

Alright I'm back, and I'm not reading 150 posts. Someone give me the Lucetta and Nina profile/personality update. I thought I read someone mentioning my suggestion for Lucetta being a con-artist/lawl it's the will of the god and Nina being a train otaku?

>>4938275
>image
jesus fucking christ is that how /tg/ is?

>starship troopers
>video games
>/k/ armyfag thread
>roleplaying faggotry
>SUCCESSFUL /r/ THREADS
>thread about pirates
holy shit this is fucking horrible

>>4938311

How so? we take everything, and adapt it to better suit our needs.

Anyway, done with the troll.

Back to Nina. We want to stick with that name? If yes, is it her full first name, or just part of it, or a nick-name?

>>4938303
I don't know why I even go there anymore. They have zero mod presence so fags that think they are wolves post shit in every fucking thread.

Vote now threads of social networking quality were all over it last night. It's bad.

>>4938317
I bet I could go there right now and point out a billion faggots

Oh wait someone already did >>4938350

Get the fuck out before you ruin this board too

>>4938344
Read these
>>4938050
>>4938013
>>4938007
>>4938005
>>4937999
>>4937984
They should give you a rough idea.

>>4938344
Nina used to be a total weeaboo and made her own doujin, which were probably pretty well-drawn but were exactly what you'd expect from a twelve year old girl just getting into anime. She probably cooled down with the weeaboo tendencies and became more like /jp/ rather than /a/, but became a train otaku. Her apartment is covered in model train track and they run everywhere, around furniture and over objects, but she can navigate around them even in the dark.

>>4937793
Well, what about adapting another short story like Dandelion Girl?

>>4938355
>hey guys we're a random board rofl XDDD
You're basically what /v/ became but for traditional games. Which is totally fucking horrible.

Hell I see more threads about videogames on /v/ than I see threads about traditional games in /tg/. /v/ is fucking better than your shit infested board.

>>4938344
I wrote this intro tell me what you think.
>>4937601
>>4937788

>>4938364
why don't you organise it and drop it onto the archive thread

>>4938356

Scared of shadows is getting better, and the man is a treasure trove of WOD PDFs. And, yes, some nights are worse then others.

>>4938344

Right. i grabed your idea, cut off the tusundere/airhead part. She's still a bit of a con artist, but is utterly convinced it's all for god, and those fools at the real church are ignoring her.

Nina is a recovered weeibo, and is ashamed of it. It slips from time to time. Obsession with trains. Possibly does not like the fact she has Dat ass. Likes the vidya.

Thread isn't /jp/ related

reported

>>4938387
>people pretending to be wolves getting better
/tg/ is endorsing furries in your board? How the fuck are you able to say the board is worth two shits?

No its you who is getting worse, eat enough shit and you wont even notice the taste I guess.

>>4938388
And shitting on the floor and onahole threads are? I smirked.

>>4938401
Nevermind the fact that I shouldn't even be replying to you because you're obviously trolling. Those threads are at least not half as shit as these are.

>>4938417
Go away.

>>4938400

Perhaps because I have some slight faith in people. he's getting better. The man has issues, but he's starting to contribute, and RP a werewolf less. And werewolves are not goddamn furrys. Not this sort, at least.

Could we please save the /tg/ discussion for another time? I'd prefer to work on the VN project a bit more.

Way to much arguing going on in here.

Anyway, I'm just going to suggest dropping the trap route. After all, I think you'll want to have only one sprite artist, and two routes would already be plenty of work. For the DG kinetic novel, it took 8 months before all the art was finished, and the artist was working at a fair pace.

It's tempting to want to include everything, but someone is going to have to do real work sooner or later. Keep that in mind.

>>4938429
Are you fucking trolling me? I can't tell if you're honestly this retarded or not. Dear god I hope not.

>>4938431
I don't think anyone wants the trap route anymore. It's unnecessary. Traps are great, but we don't need it for this.

Also, who is this sprite artist you speak of?

>>4938431
I agree dropping the trap. The trap is just a fetish of /jp/s thrown in because they can, and it just adds extra work.

>>4938431
There was only 2 routes to begin with, Lucetta and Nina

The trap, reverse trap and chris were always minor characters

>>4938344

>Nina used to be a total weeaboo and made her own doujin, which were probably pretty well-drawn but were exactly what you'd expect from a twelve year old girl just getting into anime. She probably cooled down with the weeaboo tendencies and became more like /jp/ rather than /a/, but became a train otaku. Her apartment is covered in model train track and they run everywhere, around furniture and over objects, but she can navigate around them even in the dark.

Add in the fact that she may or may not like her largeness of ass and hips, and we got her down, for the moment at least.

Lucy is about what you said. Conny, and bossy, but smart. She KNOWS helping these people is gods will, clearly the people in the church are deaf to his Words. She's, as stated, a massive closet pervert. Might keep a journal on her bad thoughts, to try and keep them out of her head. IE "if it's written down, It can't be in my head, can it?" Basically, insane troll logic.

>>4938446
>sprite artist
We have at least 2 drawfags, possibly 4 that are willing to help so far.
>>4937053
This dude if finishing Church girl off tommorow, and their is the OP artist, and another aritist that drew the trap.

>>4938364
>>4938387
What is this apartment thing coming from? I thought we'd make it simple to have them all in live the warehouse? Lucetta being the "lawl will of the god" boss, making the homeless bros/Nina/MC work for her "god" in exchange of shelter and food.

>>4938446
>Also, who is this sprite artist you speak of?
I'm not sure what you're asking. For this (potential) project? I presume that would be Messy Drawfriend !!nfKAmpyuH0U. I noticed JADF post in here earlier, and he's really good at drawing, but he's probably only helping out the concept art phase. From what he's said in the past, he's a busy guy.

>>4938479
The original idea didn't involve a warehouse. It got jumbled in there somewhere in recent threads because the OP picture of the very first thread was unrelated to the later ideas.

>>4938482
mugen and a few others have offered support

I remember yesterday when someone summed up what went wrong with /tg/

>Furries
Obvious trolls
Newfags
Quest threads
Oh and "/tg/ is everything!!!" mentality which led the board to be infested by /v/ goers.
Additionally a french cartoon that was dissed by /a/ and then they refused to go to /co/ for no reason.
And of course lastly, filters.

Its really become just like /v/ now. As in "/b/ with board games" instead of being /tg/ - Traditional Games.

Now please stop responding to shitposting trolls like OP from the worst parts of 4chan.

>Of course I should also mention that meme spammers reached a critical level. Don't like the retarded "rofl slut xDDD" memes here? Its ten times worse on /tg/ where its reached the point that they have started to believe what they say.

So get the fuck out

>>4938479
The MC's parents died and his house was taken. He lives in the warehouse and is "rescued" (kidnapped) by the church girl (Lucetta) who is convinced it's the will of god to make pathetic people's lives better.

>>4938492
shit this is why sometimes an imageboard is a bad idea, because shit gets mixed or lost when /jp/ goes from daytime to nighttime, well anyways,

http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1/index.php?topic=321.0
is what has accumulated over the past few hrs or so excluding the most recent nina ideas

>>4938511
dear christ i didn't think this thread was so bad so i left it alone but this is fucking atrocious

get the fuck out of here you fucking faggots

>>4938479

Well, I'm guessing that it's a large warehouse. Perhaps she pays a bit more, to make use of one of the actual rooms in the place? Like the old office of the manager.

>>4938519
I think that was his idea.

>>4938533
that's what's came out after reading all this and sifting through all the off topic shit posted

Old archived threads:
http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4922639#p4922639
http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4924300#p4924300
http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4930097#p4930097
http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4932413#p4932413

>>4938533
that still just goes to show what kind of horrible shitposters are in this thing

>>4938558
New thread without a shitty OP. This one is reaching the limit anyways.

Pretty sure the warehouse full of bros and trolls is just a metaphor for this project

bamp

bump

Since I don't see another thread I'll just dump this here. I couldn't be bothered with precise coloring as this will never make it to the final work anyway.

http://www.mediafire.com/?zkhqke2ixqy
a working mockup has been created by anon which holds whatever non existing script we have so far and 0 sprites.

This is more of a novelty engine test.

>>4945162
Nice to see all these Lucetta concepts, but how about more work on the other heroine? Actually, wasn't Nina supposed to be the "main" heroine in the first place?

So where's the new thread?

>>4946257
Think it got janitored or something, though not sure if it's a good idea to make another one now during doubles invasion.

>>4946265
Agreed. Also, nobody make a new thread yet until the status update is compiled. No need for a new thread that turns into more aimless bullshit ideas without a complete status update.

New thread >>4936268
Keep it saged off the first page to avoid most of the spam.