/jp/ - Otaku Culture

no one likes alice.

>>484578
BAWWWW ;_;

Alice

Keine is the best waifu

Reimu would probably sell the child to the Chinese.

>>484587

Damn you!

>>484578

With Marisa, You'd wake up the morning after with your wallet missing.

With Reimu, You'd wake up to her offering another go for the same price.

Who could be a better role model than a thief?

>>484594
Given the amount of money most of us have in our wallet, the choice is obvious.

>>484587
Alice would never make a good wife. She'd be be overly clingy and suffocate you.

Sure, it'd be nice for a while, as she'd want to be with you all the time -- washing your back, nuzzling up to you at night, reading a book in your lap -- but she's ask where you've been all day, who you were with, what you were doing, and start stalking you as you went through your daily routine.

Spoiler: Yandere dend.

Alice is no good.

>>484594
With Alice you'd either wake up to a home cooked breakfast or in a sex dungeon as her lover and companion until you die.

>>484587

In b4 "tastes like tears."

>>484601
I've got about $350 in mine right now. Reimu.

>>484605
I've got about 4 dollars.

>>484602
you fucking lie

>>484578
It basically comes down to who can get the most done (cook, clean, fun, misc., etc.). That narrows it down to Ran who does practically EVERYTHING for Yukari, Sakuya who des practically everything for Remilia, and Eirin who does practically everything for Kaguya.

Of those three, I'm picking Ran. She carries both Sakuya's loyalty and Eirin's intelligence, plus has random fits of being a nudist!

$10000 yen is required for a single tap on reimu.

reisen has to deal with tewi all day, she'd be a very tolerant mother

>>484620
>$10000 yen
>$
>yen

>>484619

Plus the mom vibe is hot.

>>484602

Good end.

Besides, who would you want to meet other people if you had Alice?

I hate Reimu.

Let's have some Straight Talk: that miko hasn't done anything good for anyone. She's a bitter, angry, poor, and somewhat lonely vestigial organ of a nearly dead religion. Like Darth Vader, only more moe and less robotic.

She needs to GTFO of everyone else's business and gb2/sweeping_the_yard/.

>>484619
You forgot about Youmu. But no one cares about her anyways.

>>484619
>plus has random fits of being a nudist!

Oh my

>>484629

Fuck you. Besides the dedication thing, she has a lot of sexual tricks that can most probably be exploited with enough resourcefulness.

And GHOST BLOWJOB

>>484629
Youmu clashes with the "fun" aspect of my explanation. Who'd enjoy watching someone meditate for hours only to feed her master and sheer some trees of an endless garden?

Yuyuko, on the other hand... very motherly, but nothing more.

>>484629

Youmu would also make a good wife.

Dedicated and a little strict, she'd gently but firmly lead you out of your hikikomori ways and turn you into a productive member of society.

At night, she'd bashfully turn her head and look out the window while mentioning the weather -- the signal that she's in the mood for something 'naughty' tonight.


In the morning, she'd have some rice gruel and sour pickles for you that she prepared the month before last and kiss you on your way to work, all while keeping a stern and strict facade, trying to pretend the night before never happened, enough thought she's your waifu.

MOE

>>484602
Yandere Alice is loev

>>484643
>Yuyuko, on the other hand... very motherly, but nothing more.
I wouldn't leave a child near Yuyuko...

>>484602
>Alice would never make a good wife. She'd be be overly clingy and suffocate you.

>Sure, it'd be nice for a while, as she'd want to be with you all the time -- washing your back, nuzzling up to you at night, reading a book in your lap -- but she's ask where you've been all day, who you were with, what you were doing, and start stalking you as you went through your daily routine.
>>484603
>With Alice you'd either wake up to a home cooked breakfast or in a sex dungeon as her lover and companion until you die.

A normal, healthy individual would probably find such a life to be hell before too much time has pasts.

For Anon, however, that might not be the case. Odds are, most of us would be just as clingy.

>>484601
i got 70 pounds

>>484652
Clingy is good for us who have always been alone.

>>484662
It gets really old really fast. I've been there done that.

When you've spent a lot of time on your own having someone come along and suddenly eat up all your free time gets really annoying.

>>484669
Well, I'd never get in a relation if I cared about my free time anyway.
Which is why I killed off any chance of having a gal in college, directly saying that I didn't have time for people.

Mokou. I want to see her act like a cute girly girl when I finally win her over and "tame" her.

>>484662
>Clingy is good for us who have always been alone.

There's something that I'd like you to read, Anon...

Patchouli could make a good wife.

Reading books together, drinking tea together, having Patchy sleep on your lap while you read (and vice versa) -- not to mention living together in the Scarlet Devil Mansion with Sakuya waiting on your hand and foot....

The perfect life?

>>484676
I've read Mirai Nikki a long while ago ;_;

>>484677
Don't forget that Patchy has a clumsy, affectionate side. She'd read her books and try to get good a cooking, loving, and bed techniques to try and please you. Though she wouldn't know the best way to show her feelings, just seeing her try so hard would ULTIMATE MOE.

Alice won't like you browsing /jp/.
Alice won't like you playing VNs.

Solve this

>>484677
Waking up to the sound of heart wrenching coughing as her body fights to breathe.....

>>484683
>bed techniques

Like bedtop sports for indoor types?

>>484684
you're making shit up

problem solved

>>484661
Then maybe you should gain weight.

>>484692

Yoink

>>484688
What the fuck is up with those tits. Give me back my DFC.

>>484692

>>484699
i'm afraid she's just like that.

>>484685
Don't forget the heartache when she finally grows sick, beyond all help.

As you hold her hand as she's at her end, she'd look to you and say:

"I... I'm so *cough*... g-*cough*-glad I met you... Anonymous..."

The last thing she'd see through her tear-blurred vision would be your smiling face. The last thing she'd feel would be your arms, holding her tight, as she slips away from this world.

Years later, you'd make sure her favourite books were kept specially available, specially preserved, forever, in the Scarlet Devil Mansions library. Even now, the people of Gensokyo still talk about the Patchouli Collection in the Memorial Scarlet Devil Mansion Library -- the most complete collection of classic works, along with a personal diary that tells of a touching, personal love of a girl named Patchy and a boy named Anonymous...

>>484703

>>484692
In before DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

>>484703

Please don't do this, its not even night shift yet...

>>484703

The SDM's library is humid and the books rot quick. After 50 years, no one will remember a certain purple-haired librarian, except for an insane Koakuma, who still roams the stacks carrying tea for a master who will never return.

>>484688

Tripfag knows that Alice has nothing against /jp/ or VNs? Have you met her? Wake up.

>>484714

I have...

>>484702
What the fuck. This is blasphemy.

>>484713
FUUUUUCK ;____________;

>>484714
Anonymous knows that Alice has something against /jp/ or VNs? Have you met her? Wake up.

>>484683
>>484677
What if you like Faulkner and she likes Proust. Impossible to get along.

>>484675
Not me. I like the tomboy.

>>484723
Lit-fag detected!

Marry me.

My left hand is the perfect waifu, because it is always there to support me and will never let me down.

Your dose of reality for the day.

>>484718
This is madness !

>>484726

My left hand is bony and has two big scars on its palm.

>>484728
THIS
IS
PROMOTIONS

>>484729

Like it rough eh?

>>484731
Not even interested.

Go away, Alice. No one wants your body or your love.

Useless doll Otaku.

>>484729

...that must have been one hell of a fapping session.

>>484734
>>484739

Its seen its fair share of use

>>484742
Go ahead.

Everyone else on Gensokyo has had their turn with her and thrown her away. You might as well get yours, too.

>>484736
i think she'll be fine without your approval.

she'll just be over there...receiving hot marisa sex

>>484736
If you won't have her, I will

Just to make the thread complete

pardon me while i continue posting nipples

>>484750
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

>>484723

I like both, and I learned French just to read authors like Proust, Dumas, and Flaubert, because I'm just that fucked up.

OH BOY

>>484726
>My left hand is the perfect waifu, because it is always there to support me

You can't do a single push up. Tell me, how could your left hand alone support your massive weight?

Your hand is too weak for you, tripfag. You need someone strong.

>>484757

DAMN MUSHROOMS

>>484760

Holy shit

>>484760

Thats why I use both. HAHA. SHOW EM ONLINE.

>>484760
Have suffered pain to do many pushups.

That's dangerous. Sunday is the only day /jp/ has mods.

>>484760

Please don't get banned formerly-anon. I'll have no one to flood Hisui/Rena/whoever pics with.

Cirno

FAREWELL, MY CUBICLE!

aahahhahahaha Xeno vs. Anonomouys
http://youtube.com/watch?v=X9ZsFVUaniQ

>>484770
This Rena?

>>484770
i appreciate your concern, anonymous. i'll hide these nipples just for you.

>>484778

Yes.

Best waifu ever, don't even try to prove me wrong.

>>484770

Stop talking to yourself.

>>484781
Then you have my sword

>>484780
Now there's the DFC.

>>484782
i'd rather that she were mai meido

>>484787

And my cleaver

>>484782

>>484787
AND MY CLEAVER

>>484782
She throws knives at you when she's angry. A lot of knives.

lol, cleavermind

>>484684
Solved.

Took a while to find an image I could use. Hope I wasn't beaten to the... punch.

>>484796

Turn it into a circus act for profits

>>484799
oh u

>>484782
See >>484619

Downside: When she's pissed or on the rag, prepare to become her personal pin cushion. No, seriously, there's no escape. You won't survive, so make your time.

>>484756
I was just extrapolating the opposition between their styles(even through, thinking back, Faulkner isn't a very good example to represent his generation, as he frequently escapes from it's paradigm).

>>484799
FUCK YOU

Alice! Alice, you have to leave him! That Anonymous is no good!

>>484750
I don't get it, did she cook the baby?

>>484816

Yes.

Its 3dgy.

>>484820

>>484813

B-But she's so mue...

>>484820
No she didn't, she cooked a pie but refused to share with the baby, that's why the pie tastes like tears because Alice made it and wouldn't share. Mean mean Alice. The baby of course is asleep snuggly in her crib

>>484630

Sauce?

>>484828
- Memory lapses: She'll forget you're her husband within a few years.
- Workaholic: Her job (Remilia) is the only thing important to her
- Dislikes human: Checkmate!

Mai meido > mai waifu in Sakuya's case.

>>484828
mue that kills

>>484835
http://gallery.gensokyo.org/thumbnails.php?album=375

>>484842

Many thanks!

>>484811
"I-I know Anonymous knocked out all my teeth... but Anonymous loves me"

>>484853
No. Just no.
We're not going through this role again.

Yuka is the best. You'd never have to worry about being attacked by another youkai (although humans are a different story). Just don't step on her flowers and you'll be fine.

Plus, youkai moe~

Sakuya will be the best mother ever, and I don't care if I'll die as long as she'll bear my children and love them tenderly.

>>484853

*Embraces Alice from behind.*

Aw... You know I love you.

*Squeezes very hard to the point of choking her.*

Don't ever make me a surprise dinner ever again. You make exactly what I tell you too, k? Okay. That's good. I love you so much...

She blinded me with SCIENCE.

>>484881

>>484881
>Restrained Alice.jpg

I don't know why, but I laughed.

>>484838
Check-maid... in one~★!

>>484878

Looking kind of dead eyes there, Sakuya.

Guys!


What if Reimu had your child, but found out that you were secretly keeping Marisa as your mistress on the side?

Best death ever?

Spring is here!

>>484903
You're forgetting that this is Reimu and Marisa we're talking about.

>>484900

Tentacles are the father.

>>484916

Go away, you make my wife nervous.

>>484932
What do you mean? Lily and Letty are the best of friends.

China would make a good waifu, don't you think?

Let's not forget the younger spirit of autumn wanting you dead.

>>484943
No, not at all because of her job.

>>484943
Not wife material.

For one thing, you'd never be able to remember her name.

>>484941
See, here's them taking a theme park mine cart ride now!

>>484943
Her job is her life. Remilia agreed, don't bother her about it.

>>484941

Riding in boxcars together!

>>484941
Ah, they're going on an amusement park ride together!

>>484952
>>484955
>>484960
Shiroumind

>>484941
Roller coasters are awesome.

>>484943
I'd say so, even Remillia isn't such a bitch that she'd fire a pregnant woman.

>>484949

She's not particularly loyal to Remilia, unlike Sakuya, who seems to be popular.

>>484951

Hong Meiling. China is a pet name.

>>484970
>pet name
>pet

Surprise abortion by Sakuya.

>>484975

If there are no more arguments, China sounds pretty good to me.

There was a fight between Keinefags and Chinafags before. It was in a certain thing the mods decided to banish. For those who stopped following, I'll tell you.

Keine won out for now. Anon prefers the possibility of getting CAVED to the possibility of dying a horrible death at the hands of the many inhabitants of the SDM.

>>485005

If you're talking about WUIG, Cirno seems to be the who gets the most attention consistently.

>>485010

But she's not waifu material. More like little sister. Unless anon wants educate her the art of the mana transfer.

>>485014
>>little sister
>>anon
>>mana transfer

Speaks for itself, really.

>>485020

>>485023
exactly what I was thinking.

>>484900
I like those eyes for some reason

The sex would be great.

>>486066
I bet she fucks like a rabbit

>>486087
Oh Ultros, how the mighty have fallen.

With Yukari, sex is not only ridiculously kinky and enjoyable, but a mental exercise with Portals as well

>>486087

Yup.

>>486092
Will she put a portal where her vagina is leading to your pooper, so when you fuck her you're sodomizing yourself?

>>484578
Everytime I see this image, I think "She's soft, like cake!"...

>>486110
or she could have one portal where your p0n0s is and then two on her vag00 and ass so that one p0n0s can penetrate 2 orifices

even if we don't have mods don't we have those thread cleaning guys? Whatever they're called.

>>486118
So... would you feel her vagina, or her ass?

I think this matter is too complicated for me.

>>486118
VIOLATION OF TIME AND SPACE.

Matter cannot exist in two places in the same dimension at the same time simultaneously.

>>486132
Half of your penis goes in the vagina, half in the ass.

More than likely less pleasant than it sounds.

>>486132

Quantum bifurcation says you're wrong.

>>486132
>>486157

Obedience is all you need in a wife everything else is a bonus

Aya, because she is fucking awesome.

>>487134
>Aya, because she's a fucking slut and I love sluts.
fixed

>>487145
YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH ASSHOLE

>>487156
SEARCH YOUR FEELINGS ANON, YOU KNOW IT BE TRUE!

sage

>>487114

Only if you bested her in combat and gave her a purpose in life, essentially saving her from her living hell

As anonymous, that's impossible

Aya is a fine and proper lady

>>484629
But Youmu is canonically extremely stupid.

>>487161
Aya's a faithful wife and a respectable working mom, you watch your tongue.

Once I'd coaxed her out of hiding, I'd teach Nitori about the wonders of the internet, and then we'd just go off and be nerds together and frolic amidst cyberspace. Or some shit. Also lightsabers.

>>484602
That sounds perfect for me, and coincidentally I also love yanderes.

>>484619
The problem with Ran is that Yukari will eventually get hungry and come looking for her.

And then BAD END.

...then again, if I could figure out how to get Suika to put some density into her various assets... well, no. She'd still be too much of a partywhore, not to mention she'd break me in half before I tried anything... but I could be up for a one-night-stand. (of course Nitori would probably have a bug put on me to watch me where I was going. ...I wonder if she'd like watching. Maybe she likes the voyeurism...)

>>487231
....you were THIS close to making me change my vote from Ran to Nitori. Too close...

>>487241
You lost me. All I see is lovely waifu +1

Honestly I can't see Yuyuko as being a very good wife for some reason... but she's so pretty. That's probably just the lust talking though. The food bill alone, though... I can barely support myself at this point. I'd hate to think it would be that that might lead to our divorce, I'd like to think something like "love conquers all!" but... maybe I'm just too materialistic.

>>487255
you're not thinking hard enough! assuming you have yuyuko's affection, then what else do you have at your disposal?

She'd make a fun wife.

>>487259
She has the power to cause death in humans, and Yuyuko does eat everything.

Hobo feastin' tiems.

>>487259
...w...well, I can sort of cook... that would appeal to her I think... and I do think all her butterflies and cherry blossoms are pretty, even if they'd probably end up killing me...

>>487260
I dunno man, she'd probably dupe you into getting like freaky bondage gear shit, and then by the end of the night you'd be the one hanging from the ceiling by straps and strait jackets, with a carrot-shaped dildo up your ass no less.

>>487282
Like I said, a fun wife.

>>487286
I'm not going to lie: you make your point and you make it well.

>>487282
Fine too.

>>487286
Oh, Anonymous, you dog you.

...although I guess I shouldn't talk, I'm considering the bunny who can drive me insane. The only thing worse than being hung from the ceiling is being hung from the ceiling IN YOUR OWN MIND.

>>486092
I always thought it would be more fun if Yukari used portals so that when you came, she opened a portal and you got Reimu in the face from 500 miles away.

The best part is, it's Yukari's fault, not yours. Although Reimu might kill you anyway.

with her gaps, you could easily have sex in public without removing a single item of clothing.

this idea always gives me a boner.

>>487308
I'm suddenly hard.

>>487308
>>487320
Seconded

Yukari would get bored of your company the next day and probably eat you.

>>485005
>Keine won out for now.
BULLSHIT. At most she's about even with Mokou. We're definitely going back to see China the next day like we promised. Fuck, I need to repost this again.

Keine can go back to scissoring with Inuyasha-ko, we're sticking with Meiling.

If she can't leave her post, we can just come by regularly and spend time with her. We can tell her about the ridiculous adventures we'll be having with our new ice fairy imouto, adventures where we get gifts and interesting things to bring back to her. And after we ransack Eientei or sneak over the border of the Netherworld, Meiling will always be there to welcome back her beloved explorer.

We just got to Gensokyo and you want to settle down with Keine? Are you fucking kidding me? WHERE'S YOUR VIKING SPIRIT, ANON?

>>487387
She's too lazy to eat you. She'd make Ran do it.

I thought yesterday we agreed that Keine doesn't exactly use her abilities in a heartbeat because of how complicated history is.

>>487395
P.S. Pretend I wasn't too lazy to rework that to fit the thread.

Seriously, if you want to spend your days exploring Gensokyo, Meiling is one of the best girls to be with. If she can't leave, you can bring the world to her. If she does finally leave, she'll want to explore the world with you.

And before you say Yukari, exploring by gapping around Gensokyo would be way too easy. It's not just the destination, it's the journey.

Besides all that, I love Meiling's personality. Her life is spent guarding a castle, she's powerful and skilled in combat, but despite that she's adorably innocent and good-natured. She's kind of desperate for friends or even just idle conversation, so there's plenty of opportunity to get to know her and try to start a relationship. Plus she has that beautiful red hair.

>>487626

>>487626
not to mention she's a total badass

>>487626
I have no regrets. This is the only path.

>>487648
MY WHOLE LIFE WAS "UNLIMITED CHINA WORKS"!

I wish to hug the crying Meiling ;_;

>>487655

Yup, I sure do love Hong Meiling.

>>487660
Yes, I am very serious.

>>487663

>>487642
Exactly. She combines moe and badass perfectly, without any of that tsundere/yandere bullshit. She'll love you openly and from the bottom of her heart. The badass side only comes out when she has a true enemy.

I'm with you guys, all for Meiling.
I'm a fan of Flandre but only because it'd be interesting to be raped by a loli vampire. However, I'm actually not into the DFC and much prefer the chesty type, a type clearly lacking in Gensokyo (in before how to draw like ZUN).

In any event, the fact that Meiling is pretty consistently drawn with at least some bust brings much relief to my interest in Touhou women. The red hair and forever-friendly attitude (come on, people don't even call her by her name and she still tries to be polite with them) easily seal the deal.

Meiling, because she's the strongest.

>>487773
Did someone call me?

Also Cirno would be an awesome wife. She's a fucking walking air conditioner.

>>487773

Great waifu. If she dies before then I still get to spend the rest of my life with her.

;_;

>>487778
Cirno is the strongest little sister.

>>487778
I'd rather he be a cousin or something like that. So I can hug her on hot days.

>>487792
50 years of lies.

>>487773
Suika is the strongest.

>>487820
All Tengus, gb2/cage/

thread needs more Meiling

>>487255
But then again, you could resolve any problems you're having with her with the appropriate profession (cook) check.

I want to make her this happy

>>487979
Buy her an accordion

>>487979

Do you have about 3 liters of LSD?

We're both go-getters, journalists, and have ... elastic moral fibers. Together we'd have splendind careers and a lot of kinky sex.

Good times.

>>484943
OH MY FUCKING GOD SAUCE PLEASE SHE LOOKS SO OFFENDED AND MISTREATED LIKE SHE DOESN'T KNOW WETHER TO RAGE OR CRY WHICH IS TOTALLY HOT

>>488169

Fuck, why does the whore get the good art?

I'd like to marry China and adopt Cirno.

>>489510
ideas intriguing, subscribe to newsletter, etc.

>>489510
this sounds wonderful and for some reason doesn't even give my cold twisted mind any Woody Allen like thoughts

until now

>>489510

god damn touhou fags get a life

>>489605
Go back to your Morning Musume threads.

>>489605

They see me trollin'

>>489608
i hate morning musume you fag

>>489605
>>489610
PROTIP: sage works only in all lower-case.

>>489610
Good now go away.

MEILING

>>489634

That was adorable.

for some reason there's a lot of fanart with China and Cirno together

>>484578
Kid should be faceless, creepy, and weird, just like its parents.

>>489605
>>489610

GTFO newfag

>>489819
Well they are neighbors

Delicious Marisa muscles

>>489873

>>489889

I wish I was Sakuya.

On top of having time stopping powers/throwing knives, and serving a vampire loli, I'd get to molest the doorguard all the time without protest.

>>489904
or vice versa

warm

did we reach auto-sage?