/jp/ - Otaku Culture

what are you trying to slide negro

>>45167174
I'm trying to slide this dick between those funbags

/ss/ thread

>>45166608
NEVER

DO NOT BREED WITH THE YOUKAI
THIS IS A PSA FOR ALL HUMANS
The growth of Kapder, the leader for e-dating at Gensokyo, has led to a demographic boom within the human village. However, there has been a noticeable increase as of late of reports about people suddenly disappearing forever. One of the hypothesis offered by the group of a syndicate I am not allowed to name, Miss Hieda, suggests that this is due to the increase in humanfishing. A testimony by an unknown source states that they had been messaged by a lady, who seemed very interested in their profile, and requested for a meetup somewhere between the Misty Lake and the Forest of Bamboo. It was only through a fortunate warning from Miss Hieda and the presence of fur around the path the Youkai had asked the human to follow that the human was able to figure they had likely been bamboozled, and so they left the place before anything bad could happen. This is further cemented by the exposed hypothesis of Miss Hieda that Youkais may have access, for an unknown fee, to a premium version of Kapder, which comes with an editing software specialized in hiding youkai traits or creating profiles that would best match with humans. Pictured here is the likely suspect who had tried to trick the unsuspecting human. According to said human's report, the photo on this youkai's profile had been edited with a background of Geidontei at Daytime, with neither her ears, tail or fur being visible.
Whether this phenomenon is true or not is up to one's interpretation. However, I was still asked to communicate these few tips and tricks that might save you from a surprise kidnapping.
>Be wary of any meetups being done outside of the human village. If you are to see this offer, at least ask if you could meet at the human village instead. If not, you may or may not be dealing with a Youkai
>Try to have a lengthy conversation with the Youkai, so that you may spot generic or outright weird responses on their end. Try to ask them trivial questions about the latest festival or something, and if they seem lost every time, then there's a good reason to be doubtful.
>Take a good look at the picture picture. These editing software are not perfect and even you may be able to spot something fishy.
>According to that same study and hypothesis conducted by that Hieda syndicate, it appears the most common age claimed by humanfishes appears to be 17 years old. Keep that in mind.
As with the printer, Kapder is a wonderful tool that brings many pros to our everchanging world, but there are dangers and a lot of people to teach, as it's all news to them. With every invention, you don't just come to it thinking
>Damn, this might be dangerous
But it might just be, but again, it's not all black or white.

I WILL put my children in this wolf and you can't stop me

>>45166608
i will breed the whale

>>45189212
Not fat enough

I WILL NOT BREED WITH YOUKAI
I WILL NOT BREED WITH YOUKAI
I WILL NOT BREED WITH YOUKAI
I DO NOT CONSENT

>>45166608
Don't have to tell me twice

I'M NOT GIVING MY SEED TO A RANDOM YOUKAI

>>45191996
So don't, pick a youkai to give it to and make your blushing bride

>>45179574
Yeah, you can't trust anyone these days.
Fortunately, I'm already happily married to my wonderful human wife and don't need to worry about youkai trying to deceive me any more.
Not that it stops them from lying about my darling wife, sadly. They keep coming up with ridiculous lies about her kidnapping children, eating people, and abusing her pets. It's inconceivable that my beautiful wife would ever do such a thing, and those youkai's envy of our happy human marriage is just disgusting.

The picture is my wife taste testing the cranberry sauce she just made. I just love this woman so much, bros.

>>45193449
Your human wife looks beautiful. You must be very happy to have a human wife like her.
Man, I wish I had a human wife

>>45193278
Over my dead body, i don't consent

>>45190503
That's a Ghost not a Youkai

>>45193838
Don't worry. I'm sure there is a wonderful human wife just waiting for you.

>>45193838
I agree, human wives are the best. I got super lucky finding my human wife after I bought her a round of dango and talked her into meeting me again. Sure she can drink like an oni and has this weird complex about me asking about how she injured her arm, or about why she never takes off her hair buns.I still love her despite that, taking care of her pets is a bit much at times but its okay causing living on top of a mountain and all would get lonely so I get it.
No idea why the shrine maiden keeps calling me mean names like 'denser-than-stone-kun but whatever, she's just jealous of our love.

>>45204307
That's clearly an oni, dumbass. Look, she's blatantly covering up her horns with those hair buns.
I'm not sure how you even managed to survive this long if you cannot even see through the most obvious youkai disguises.

Now if you'll excuse us, me and my human wife are late for church. It's a bit out of the way, but it's very important to her.

>>45193449
>>45203931
>>45204307
>>45204401
Your wifes look NOTHING like humans

>>45204931
*Wives anon.
And more importantly, you are being rather rude. Of course the husbands would know if their own wife was a youkai or not, don't be ridiculous.
I asked mine if she was a human at the start, and she told me if I thought a youkai would dare set foot in the middle of the human village, in broad daylight, and puruse the selection at the flower shop. I admitted then and there that she had a point, and one thing led to another, she invited me to that big garden behind the mountain a ways off, we walked around it a bunch and had a lovely tea, before you know it six months have gone by and we get married.
I don't quite know who asked who, but I'm happy with the results all the same. Turns out she lives in a big mansion in the hills with her very own gatekeeper! It's a lot closer to the village than it looks as well, so I'm never far away from my old family. Life couldn't be any better with my lovely eccentric wife!

>>45204931
Bro, I get you're jealous of my cute human wife but thats no need to be mean.

>>45179574
Thanks for the heads up. Someone similar to Miss Hieda contacted me and told me a few tips to keep safe from kuda-gitsune and other youkai foxes this winter. His name is Hugh Mann and I think I can trust him as his answers to things in the village checked out and he seemed pretty knowledgeable about youkai, besides I've never heard of a youkai pretending to be a man on this app, that's just silly. His name is a little funny, but he might be from the outside, who am I to judge. I didn't know that youkai foxes could be such a terror in winter and honestly what he told me spooked me a bit. The problem I had with him was that he asked me to Kappal him 3000 yen because his knowledge wasn't for free, but whatever it was worth the risk. Anyway, he told me to hang my laundry outside and that hanging fried tofu outside my house should ward against foxes because evil foxes hate tofu I guess? He wasn't exactly clear on how it all worked, but youkai wards and extermination techniques always went over my head anyway. He also said to not worry about locking my windows because they don't have opposable thumbs. I'll try that tonight, wish me luck.

Imagine if youkai found out they could sustain themselves by fucking human men, more than they ever could by simply scaring them.

>>45208520
They can easily scare human men by having sex with them, just show up a couple days later with a fake pregnancy test.

>>45208520
Anon, this isn't the youkaifucker thread. Here is where the naïve and slightly dim-witted village men gather to gush over their human wives.

>>45166608
she zashiki on my warashi

They'll cook for you.

>>45196795
Ghosts are youkai

>>45189212
How sad is it that people in this community salivate at the sight of A cup titties all because ZUN is a prudish asshole who wont make most of the main cast look like actual women?

Gee I sure hope this date I'm going on isn't with a FAT TANUKI HAG, that would be horrible haha

>>45227466
I'll salivate on your titties if you ever make a post like that again.

>>45227878
just the worst

>>45227889
Massaging her tired, hardworking feet

>>45204931
I agree. These guys are total morons. These are yokai. I've seen them all around and outside the village and they even act like yokai too! I'm so happy that I didn't fall for the trap like they did. My human wife is just an angel. She's an amazing cook. Easily the best cook. Even better than my grandma and that is an accolade I have never handed out until I met her. She's so beautiful. Unnaturally beautiful, in fact. She's sexy enough to turn heads and make people ask questions. She says she has a good skincare routine so I'll believe her. She never lied to me anyway. Although I will admit she is rather strange. For one she constantly pranks me. Like putting salt in my tea but quickly swapping it out for regular tea after i cough out my salt tea. Or convincing me to do stupid stuff. Or putting a whoopie cushion underneath my seat at family gatherings. She also refuses to take off her cute hat. She says she just likes having it on but it looks like she's hiding animal ears underneath. Then again she did say that she is cosplaying as a kitsune (hence the nine golden tails). She also wont take her tails off when we lay in bed but im not complaining since they're fluffy and warm. Weirdly enough she sort of jokingly implied that they were butt plugs?! That caught me off guard completely. I mean just HOW many butt plugs would you have to fit in there? Forgive my language but her asshole must be a cavern and that kind of turns me on. I wouldn't mind seeing her pull them all out or ride oversized dildos. If I want to join in ill just use Eirin-shihan's penis enlargement pills.
As you might imagine, I really like large insertion porn videos. At least before she banned porn from the home. Yeah she's a jealous woman. She especially gets jealous whenever I chat to that brown haired woman with round glasses and big tits and a massive ass. She's very pretty (please dont tell my wife i said this!). My wife also loves to have sex with me. It's so mindbogglingly addictive. Addictive enough to where she uses it to control my behaviour. She really loves blowjobs too. They're amazing. She always makes sure to edge me until I start crying then she lets me cum. She never spills a single drop. She goes right down to my balls (even when I take those enlargement pills), gargles my balls and plays with my foreskin. She tells me to keep it dirty down there too. She even drank my pee once! The only ''problem'' is that I feel like I'm losing something every time she forces me to bust a load (which could happen irrespective of where I am or who im with). There was one time where she gave me the best footjob ever under the table while we were on a double date! Anyways back to the something that i ''lose''. That ''something'' isn't just cum. It's something deeper. Something I cant explain. I always feel so exhausted after she's done with me and i feel like i lose part of myself. But I always feel better after I drink her special milk. She wont tell me where she gets it from and she always massages her breasts just before she gives me a warm glass. Anyway I was just rambling. My human wife is amazing and I can't wait to continue my pure bloodline and make more humans with her! It would be a real shame If I ended up like those anons and had my bloodline become tainted haha.

>>45229047
Anon, I've seen symptoms like yours before. You should go to Eientei to get it checked out, it could be a terminal illness.

>>45229187
foxoplasmosis got him
There is no cure

>>45229047
Anon...

>>45229047
Uh-uh.

>>45232026
who did she eat?

>>45229047
>The only "problem" is that I feel like I'm losing something everytime she forces me to bust a load
Anon, are you aware that water fluoridation is the most monstorously conceived and dangerous youkai plot ever conceived?
As human beings, you and I need fresh, clean, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
Have you ever seen a youkai drink water anon? Sake, that's what they drink. Never water.
Have you ever wondered why that is anon?
They're even fluoridating the milk that goes into ice cream. Ice cream anon, Children's ice cream!

reminder that youkai want humans hydrated to maximize the fluids they can extract with their lewd mouths
dehydrate yourself today, suppress the youkai menace!

>>45166608
I HATE YOUKAIS, I'LL NEVER BREED THEM!

>>45196795
Splitting hairs

>>45229187
My wife would know if i were sick or not. She can tell at a glance or she might sniff me. Come to think of it, she sniffs me quite a lot. Especially when i get home after not seeing her for a few hours. Weird.
>>45229211
I asked my wife about this and she laughed. Like really loud. She laughed like foxes usually do. She did that ''hihiihihihihihi!!'' thing as she covered her mouth with her big sleeves. Her massive boobs were jiggling and it looked really nice. She told me that there's nothing to worry about. After that she asked me to huff her sweaty tails (which felt amazing) and started making out with me a lot. Her mouth felt sloppier and wetter than usual. I'm not complaining though since i came several times. My head felt funny. She also asked me where i found out about that word. I tried to change the subject but she has a way of making me spill the beans. She nodded and said she didn't mind what i was doing online. But i felt like there was more to what she said. Lately she's been with me more at my computer. She usually rests her massive boobs on my head and I feel compelled to let her stay. Or she might sit on my lap. Right now I only talk when she's asleep.
>>45229788
Oh no! You reminded me of an incident that looks exactly like what you posted! That nice woman with the big breasts and brown hair gave me a big hug when she saw me and a wet smooch on my cheek. It was a little forward but I didn't think it was that bad (and i liked it a lot, dont tell me wife!). My wife did not take it well. They got into a shouting match with each other. Throwing insults at each other like it was some rap battle but they weren't rapping they were just using the most mean spirited disgusting insults you can think of. I tried to make peace but i failed. I had to pull my wife away and politely ask her to not do that in public. After that was over she seemed to like that I took initiative and acted like a ''real man''. So It wasn't that bad of a day i guess.
>>45236817
Please don't be rude. My wife isn't a cannibal. As for what she ate, umm...my cum from the looks of it. I mentioned those enlargement pills earlier. My wife loves it when she sees my enhanced phallus. It's way longer and far thicker than her forearm. I don't know how she can just take that thing in so easily. It also increases cum production in my balls so I can cum literal gallons. Our sex doesn't always play out like this though. Most times she's in the mood for a normal sized dick and prefers that.
>>45237090
Yes i am very aware! My wife spoke to me about this amongst many other subjects that most humans consider ''conspiracy theories''. At first I didn't want to listen but my wife said she'd edge me for a month if i didn't so i had to listen. She kept me interested as she jiggled her breasts or showed off her big legs as she spoke. I learnt quite a lot from her. She told me that only a handful of evil yokai are doing this fluoridation thing and to not hate all yokai. As for us, we drink fluoride free water and her special milk.
Edit: I meant to post this many hours before but 4chan seemed to have died. Around that time my wife said that she would be ''busy'' and to not enter her room. She came out just as quickly and I found that I could not even access 4chan's captcha in order to post. She told me that the site was probably having some issues on it's side.

>>45237637
she will rape you

>>45217490
I'd never let woman touch my kitchen stuff. They'd ruin it cook disgusting food.
Thanks the Dragon God my human wife let's me cook all the food for us and our daughter
also, don't mind their animal features; they say it's a 'furry livestyle' they got from the outside world, so it's very human behavior

>>45245199
Careful with these pills anon. My uncle died after he took too much of them and there was no blood left in his brain after he got an erection.

>>45253631
Oh that was your uncle? I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I always take mine in moderation and even then i take it very rarely. Luckily for me my wife somehow doesn't stay loose after we have sex whenever i use those pills. She's tight almost immediately after we're done. It's like she's polymorphing herself. But she told me she just takes Eientei meds.

Good to have more spiders.

>>45166608
How about no

>>45268383
I keep telling you anon, Kasen isn't really what she says she is. I'm not going to tell you directly, that'd be an invasion of privacy, but you should really ask her why she never takes those "hair" buns off in front of anyone.

>>45179574
This is why I didn't use sites like Kapder, it's so hard to figure out who's telling the truth!
I'm very fortunate to have met my current partner while on a hotspring retreat. Her personality is kind of terse, but I really like that about her! No way a filthy Youkai would be so honest and straightforward! Although It is kind of embarrassing how she woman handles me, especially in public.
People keep joking with me that she's probably an Oni, because of her head ornament, shackles(for weight training I assume), and that she's always drinking, but that's clearly wrong since her skin is pale and not red, yellow, or blue! Of course, I don't ask her about such jokes since that would be quite rude.
Sometimes she does get into big fights and gets all beat up, which really puts me on edge, although to be honest I really do love fussing over her big body and nursing her back to health.

Yup, I sure do love my powerful human girlfriend! Lately I've been thinking about proposing to her, but please don't let her know, I want it to be a surprise!

>>45269877
Your girlfriend looks like she doesn't know how babies are made. How far have you two gone?

>>45268186
this is about 95 kids short
also I never seem to get tired of the 'every 2hu's daughter is a direct clone of their mother' trope

>>45271497
Their bodies were made for rough breeding and flushing your Human genes down the proverbial shitter. Though having your traits be reflected in hair or eye color in what is otherwise a spitting image of their mother is cute too

>>45268186
But anon, 8 legs

>>45271561
seven vaganias

>>45271239
>>45269877
We haven't even kissed yet to be honest.
The closest we've gotten was when I hauled her to bed and she unconsciously wouldn't let me go.
I'm kind of anxious about it. Our relationship started when I was able to take three of her punches without it being a K.O. and I don't know if the same philosophy will carry over into more sensitive matters!
Ultimately, she's a lady, so I don't think she's some kind of sexual brute, but It's not like we needs to rush things like some lewd Youkai couple!

>>45271239

>>45271677
>>45275151
I like the idea that Oni have inverted sexual norms. So, rape is normal sexual interaction for them and consensual happy sex with the intent of making a baby is the most lewd thing you can possibly do.

>>45245199
"a human villager married a nine tailed fox. this is what happened to his brain."

>>45281821
The sudden boom in half-foxes this year prompted Eirin to put an infocard together for distribution in the Village. Upon research it was found that Nekomata, Wolf Tengu, Tanuki, and other beast Youkai are also capable of transmitting this terminal disease. In rare cases it was found that Were-Hakutaku are also carriers. The PSA campaign was found to be ineffective as flyers were removed due to supposed "misinformation" by possibly disguised Tengu and Tanuki.