/jp/ - Otaku Culture

my pp

I'm autistic and have no friends. I have a box in my head labeled "things to talk about when I will finally have friends", which has content that dates all the way back to my childhood. I've never been able to talk to anyone in any meaningful capacity.

I want to have kids with Alice! I want to raise our daughter together with Alice! I want to sleep and hug Alice!

>>44885393
I think about moving to Gensokyo practically every day.

I am very much in love with cave alice. Is there any hope for Dr. Margatroid?

>>44885430
what's stopping you?

I am very much in love with Cave Alice. is there any hope for me, Dr. Margatroid?

>>44885393
That NIGGER crush of yours

>>44886020
I'm autistic.

>>44885393
Not particularly a problem from today, but I often wish I could hug a woman that loved me. I wish I could hold her hands, cuddle with her, fall asleep together, feel her warmth and her heartbeat, her smell, her skin.
I wish I had such human contact, but I see no way I could in this life, unfortunately. That I wish it were with a woman also makes me feel superficial, but there is something about thinking about this with a man that just doesn't fit right: it lacks the softness, the delicateness, the gentleness.
picrel
>>44885430
>>44886976
May I ask what one of these things is, Anon? I am curious to hear.

>>44885393
Nothing seems to be going right
I don't have many friends, i can't make any, not necessarily because I'm unpopular etc but because human contact is exhausting outside of a few people and a few situations. They all talk of things i don't know or care about. I just don't feel like i belong.
I left my hometown for a job i don't particularly like in a shithole city, 2 months later my sister dies, i just don't understand what's going on.
>>44887053
I want a girl to grope my forearms, biceps, triceps, shoulders and gently carress my chest, but even if I get someone to get so close to me i think I will expect too much from her and drive her away. No point in getting something you're bound to lose. I think I'll grow old with a few technical books on topics i like, seems like that's really the only way i can meaningfully utilize my time. Or be a gymrat

>>44887053
>That I wish it were with a woman also makes me feel superficial
There's nothing wrong with not being a raging faggot

>>44887053
For now the two of us can cuddle

>>44887249
Who are you? I doubt we can.

>>44885420
You better start to undress so Alice can take a better look at it.

You guys have to remember that a minute of cuddling requires a week of bitching.
If you just want cuddling, get an escort. Or your mom.

You guys have to remember that a minute of cuddling requires a week of bitching.
If you just want to cuddle, get an escort. Or your mom.

>>44887527
just a minute of cuddling with Arisu is worth it

>>44887540
That only works if your mother is less unstable than you are. I'm willing to bet the popularity of hags on the jay is proof that this is too common a problem for this to be good advice.

Equally, I'd have trouble believing someone who wasn't paid to be there really liked me, and while I'm not everyone I again am willing to bet that's a common problem as well.

Oh, and I'm NTA.

>>44887540
Most three-dimensional women are too complicated, Anon. They lack honesty and sincerity with their emotions, and they are far too contaminated with social mores that would make a relationship with them hard and unenjoyable.
The ideal is two-dimensional, like lovely Yukari here.
>>44887558
Also, what this anon said.

>>44887403
I am anon.

>>44886976
Autism doesn't stop you from having friends.

>>44887674
HITA

>>44887621
Pretty much, is it weird to think that ~95% of women under 30 act like whores?
I can't stick my dick into Yukari since she doesn't want to gap me though. At this point I don't give a single damn if she's a hag with saggy bits, she's a woman that doesn't act like a man and that's more than 3d woman have going for them these days.

I fantasize about using some kind of magic to turn Alice into a trap. Not for gay sex or anything complicated like that, just to bully her. To degrade her, stripping her of her breasts and magic.
I also fantasize about turning Alice into a statue, a slime creature and into various other things, but the trap transformation always makes me cringe with how retarded it is.
I just really want to degrade and humiliate Alice. I don't have such thoughts about anyone else.

>>44887722
That's called being a sadist anon, go and mutilate a rabbit like a normal psychopath.

>>44887730
I only want to abuse Alice. I'm not a violent person.

>>44887712
It definitely hinders your ability to make friends :(

>>44885430
>I have a box in my head labeled "things to talk about when I will finally have friends"
Yeah I know what you mean, but in my case the bigger box is labeled "things to talk about and do with when I finally have a gf". Last time I had a girl interested in me I was 16 and that was 14 years ago.

>>44887621
>The ideal is two-dimensional, like lovely Yukari here.
Yukari is more of a white woman than a good chunk of real white women. Better options include the Watatsukis, the Daitengu, the Moriya Shrine's Goddess, and that Pink-Haired Hermit.

>>44885393
My spoon is too big

>>44887101
>I left my hometown for a job i don't particularly like in a shithole city, 2 months later my sister dies, i just don't understand what's going on.
That brutal man, hope you're dealing with it in a healthy way and give yourself the time to grief, process and value her memory and your own life. Have some Sakuya ass.

out of everyone in gensokyo, alice is, by a long shot, the least qualified to give any kind of therapeutic advice

>>44885393
I just kind of want to die.

>>44889375
L-Least qualified?!?! Excuse me anon, but you are in no position to question my credentials.

>>44887722
Alice bussy...

I miss being angry enough at the world to wish that I could go out and kill people. I miss being angry enough that I almost threw myself off a bridge because when I was that angry and off-kilter at least I felt some kind of emotion, and at least I could be honest with people, even if they were on the other side of the world, that I wished to die.

I still wish to die. I don't enjoy life, not because it's not good, but because I'm good enough that I don't have any purpose. I'm not good enough to focus on what I don't care about, like mathematics, outside of a hobby perspective. I can't honestly connect with people; I sabotage my own relationships by dissociating because the pain of being near people or having the chance of letting people in is so awful I'd rather be alone. Everything has liquefied into a gray morass that drags me lower and lower into a near dementiaic catanoia; occasionally jostled by stress induced hallucinations and paranoia attacks when I am lucid enough to focus.

I spend my days trying to write and trying to study, but I don't even care about that anymore. Everything is so empty and pointless. I could have been something. I could be something. I can't be anything. I don't feel like I'm anything at my core. I feel like all my reactions, my laughs, my smiles, are so short lived because they're a facade to try to fit in with people I don't even like and would stop caring about if they got hit by a car tomorrow in front of me.

I didn't even cry when my grandmother died in front of me. I felt worse when a girl I was fixated on on the other side of the world, that probably didn't like me, told me I was obsessive and a freak and ditched me after eight months. The last, and probably only time I ever remember feeling happy was when she said 'you make me feel happy sometimes. I smiled because of you.'

Every morning that I wake up I'm disappointed that I woke up. My identity feels unstable to the point that I can't relate who I was last year to who I am now. I feel entirely subsumed by the banality of the world, and I hate the world but have become so resigned to it that I feel like maybe I should just entirely dissociate and let life slip me by because I have no stake in it or myself anymore.

I wish everyone around me would die. I wish I was dead. I'm sick of being alone, but it's neither my fault, nor theirs; it's just the nature of reality. I hope one day I have the courage to kill myself, and I hope that I don't go to hell for taking what really is the only meaningful choice. I want my hatred back. Even cutting myself is too much effort for not enough payoff; I barely feel anything. Sometimes, it feels like my hand is just a piece of meat barely tied to me. I was literally born a genius and my form holds me back from ever using it for anything other than trivialities for someone else. I am a doll. I am an object. Such thought patterns are aberrant and destructive but the alternative is accepting agency; I should not exist.

>>44889167
It's a spork, Yuuma.

over the past 4 years ive lost contact with everyone i thought were friends. dissociated from pretty much all social situations outside of work, and even when i made earnest attempts for companionship i ended up ghosted. i spend my time bing drinking and fumbling through a failed degree. often in my drunken stupor i suck on a gun barrel or practice with it against my temple. not even my fumos bring me joy.

>>44885393
Is your Mom home? I want to see her

>>44885393
I'm angry that I haven't seen Alice in any official content in ages

I feel like I'm just waiting to die. I don't have any motivation, I'm rarely happy. I feel awful I threw away the best years of my life with nothing to show for it. I don't have any real reason to feel this way, I've had a good comfortable life, I've just felt this way for a long time. Things have been getting better since my niece was born, I love her and I know I should become a better man for her sake but I don't know how.

>>44892187
Nice sand same. Except my brother is a cschizoid/incel/volcel and probably won't marry and I'm too autistic too so our bloodline dies here.

>>44885393
Being cynical and lonely. Also knowing that I can't be with Ran-sama because she isn't real.

>>44891809
Probably for the best. She'll always find some way to screw up

Well I don't know if this is therapy-worthy, but I'm about to turn 30 in a couple of weeks and I feel so ashamed of still be living at home with a mediocre paying job and no friends or gf that a few weeks ago I decided to book a flight to Europe and spend my birthday with my cousin who lives there and then do whatever the fuck I feel like doing at the moment. I love travelling and I should be excited about this upcoming trip, but in reality I'm just confused and worried and I don't know why. I already arranged everything at my job so that I can still work remotely part time and earn something while I'm there.
It's the uncertainty that bothers me like an itch inside of my brain that I can't scratch, and growing old and not having a gf, or knowing what the fuck it is I want to even do. Jesus this feeling sucks ass.

>>44885450
>I want to have kids with Alice
Woah same

I have more romantic feelings for a fictional character than for anybody else I've ever met in real life. Sometimes I feel like I'm lucky to have never loved, rather than having loved once then lost it.

>>44903567
You are, i still have dreams about that girl, even though I don’t really think about her or haven’t interacted with her in a long time, she may appear comforting me, making fun of me, ignoring me, even making me jealous by having guys flirting with her, i wish i could stop it but my consciousness just keeps bringing it up even when I think i finally moved on

>>44903971
>>44903567
A romance imagined is more often far better than romance realized. Be happy that your dreams are gifting you the experience of a perfect romance that amplifies the good and omits the bad.

>>44907445
No, my issue is that this girl is very real and alive, worst of all, she was my close friend, and i still can’t seem to get over her, she still appears in my dreams even when its been years since we properly interact beyond a few quick talks, the other night i dreamed about her grabbing my hand and squeezing it a few times, after that she told me “for that daily oxytocin tehe~ ;)”. i just want to move on but my mind won’t allow it! That’s why i was calling him lucky to have never loved

>>44908297
Something very similar happened to me.
Although I'm lucky enough and stopped having dreams about her a couple of years ago.

>>44887213
There is nothing wrong with that anon being gay either

>>44908346
Everything is wrong about being gay doe.

life is pretty good for me right now idk

>>44891030
>not even my fumos bring me joy.

>>44908373
You're incorrect.