/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>42245710
I wish this artist made these again instead of porn

If youkai are so great, then why are they single, huh? It's a trick fellas, they'll eat you before long.

>>42245710
nobody ever said these things to alice

>>42245710
Okay Alice, I will.

>>42245752
They're single because that bully shrine maiden and cripple spread mean lies

>>42245710
>MARRY A YOUKAI

Youkai were fine until Alice became one, after that their reputation went to shit

>>42245710
I want to calculate Impedances with Iku!

>>42245710
I want to marry Komachi so Eiki either gets upset that she's slacking even more or she'll be happy that Komachi tries to improve herself. Eitherway she'll probably be seething at some point because she has to give her maternity leave. But I imagine Reimu won't be too happy about me marrying her

>>42245754
>>42245872
If you guys look closely at OPs image nobody is actually talking to her and Alice is merely playing pretend

>>42245710
Just show me where to sign.

Why do you hate Alice

fornicate

Female youkai were made for human men and boys

STOP breeding with youkai and wasting seed on fairies.

>>42245743
Same, I miss the simple and cute loveydovey stuff, but I guess porn brings in the dough.

>>42245743
Most of the porn he draws is garbage too, legit can't get me hard

>>42246336
Prove to me that you're hot, Akyuu!

>>42246418
Yeah exactly all the proportions are off and the penis always looks ugly even while censored

>>42246336
Go away, human girls aren't welcome here.

>>42246336
Or else?
Put that knife down, you'll get winded and end up cutting yourself.

>>42245952
Having to be married to Iku is a bit...

>>42245710
Nobody's going to believe that, witch. We all know that your appearance is just an illusion and you actually look like a wrinkly old hag.
Now get outta here. Me and my fiancée are going to visit Reimu and her husband to discuss our upcoming marriage and we don't want to have a vile youkai smell all over our clothes while we're there.

>>42246336
I can acquiesce to the first request, but I will never stop pouring my thick human semen all over fairies' deliciously flat chests.

>>42245710
lmao as if get punked bitch
now I'm going to go back to fucking your dolls

>>42246565
Who the hell watches TV nowadays?

I love youkai girls!
I wish i could marry them all!

Is this the yandere thread or are we rejecting youkai bitches part 2?

>>42247107
Shooting down the notion is an option.

hiro refuses to rangeban alice.
how many passu did that bitch buy?

I think im too young for girls that are 400+ years old. They should go get a male youkai of their age.

>>42247486
Mamizou said I was really mature for my age at the bar yesterday
It's fine, right...?

>>42247519

>>42247546
She was clearly high when she said that.

>>42246565
There is no excuse for living in this kind of filth. I would seriously consider living in a barren, unfurnished igloo with Letty before living here.

Too many fools fall for the youkai trap
It is like they are drawn to them like roaches to a roach motel. They don't see it only leads to their destruction.

>>42247891
if you bait the trap right the prey doesn't care

>>42247939
What kind of loser would be baited by an ugly little twink like that?

QUESTION!
Do Wild Goddesses count as Youkai? Because I've my eye on a certain harvest goddess....
Realy hope her sister can find a man. But If They are a package deal- so be it.

>>42247891
Amen

>>42248292
Gods are gods you jackass

>>42247891
even in human form momoyo's stink and complete lack of personal hygiene would repel any human

>>42248324
wow, she's just like me

>>42248312
Saw this last thread. Doesn't make me horny (was that the purpose?), just gives me the "awwww I feel so bad for her" emotion evoked by the occasional 2hu bullying threads on here

>>42248318
Well I know it takes a grand an intoxicating innocence to think you can kill a god, how about marrying a harvest goddess?

>>42246898
Honestly probably Satori would love TV. Lets her pretend to interact without not getting the mindreading stuff. Kinda like books.

>>42248415
Wow anon, Shizuha will be so happy you wish to date her with the intention of marriage!

>>42248455
Things like this is why Koishi is the more popular Komeji

>>42248460
Nah, not me, But I got a friend who's into flat Goddesses. We agreed on that a while back.
I like the bustier one. Also I just love Fall and harvests in general. Its the occasion for me to bake pies.

>>42248455
She would propably love the internet, if she could chat up real human men in her area.

>>42248536
I'd imagine her to be the kind of autismo that can't continue on convos without the aid of her eye so she'd wind up ghosting most of her chat partners.

>>42245710
I will marry alice and force to get back to humanhood with no doubt!

>>42248615
Anon getting into a relationship with the intent to "fix" someone is always a recipe for heartache

>>42248615
Humanity via Injection? Inject her with pure Human RNA? It may take root....

>>42245754
>>42246887
>>42248312
Wtf?! That’s just rude! Haven’t you guys been rejected before and know that you should be soft/kind when doing it?
>>42248412
So true

YOUKAI REJECTION BUREAU WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO

>>42248767

>>42248806
Now do one where Clownpiece and Hecatia get bullied

>>42248806
>anon's nipples with inquisitive expression
>her third eye is crying too
Beautiful.
Though I always thogught Okuu was on the taller side. Like 2m+.

This is Remilia crying after I rejected her. She invited me to a banquet and tried giving me lavish gifts to impress me and then when she started implying her love, I stood up and said "With a vampire? I would never!"
Then I got up and left and never went back to the SDM since. I heard a rumor she has since become bed bound and eating ice cream tubs in her depression. Ugly Youkai bitch successfully rejected.

>>42248806
This is way too cute for me to do anything other than give her a hug

>>42247891
She's so cute in her true form. Imagine being held by all those legs. Would marry.

>>42247891
This is assuming I wouldn't fuck the shit out of a kawaii centipede.

>>42248767
Y.R.B. on the case!

ALL FUCKING YOUKAI WILL BE FUCKING REJECTED.

>>42249571
lmao

>>42248312
That thing had six legs. He saved her from some kind of mimic insect that preys on spiders

>>42249571
RUDE! Kag just wants some puppies!

>>42247891
>100 legs
imagine

>>42248455
damn it now I want a picture of her eating popcorn and watching spanish soap operas

>>42247891
>oomukade

>>42248902
Did you see her little sister too? You probably smelled her before you saw her actually, I know vampires can't puss running water but surely she can manage to bathe at least once in a century? And say what you will about Remilia but at least she's making an attempt to act her age, who still plays with stuffed toys and speaks like a damn brat at just shy of 5 centuries?

>>42248734
can't get rejected if you don't bother trying (because you know you'll get rejected)

Seducing remilia and making her think that you love her!
Making remilia fall in love with you!
Making remilia lean in close for a kiss!
Right when she is going to kiss you, pulling out your magic seal and sealing her away, erasing her from this world, forever! Its gonna be like as if she never existed!

>>42250378

This thread makes me sad.

>>42250480
Just consider how many Lovely Youkai will be even more earnest in their search for a husband after this! Them standards are gonna go down! Go get your 10 outta 10 Youkai GF now!

>>42250480
More Alice for you, right?

>>42250480
Just an edgy redditor feeling the need to spam the one joke they managed to come up with again and again until anything resembling humour has shot itself out of mercy

>>42246743
>you actually look like a wrinkly old hag.
That's how all human women will end looking like.
In fact, the majority already look like that if you remove their makeup.
Youkai girls will stay young and perfect forever.

>>42250520
t.

>>42245710
Haha i was just kidding. You really think anyone would like you, alice-chan? You're weird hahaha

>>42246922
Imagine marrying meiling lol probably the only youkai worth marrying

>>42250703
What are some perks that are unique to her?

>>42250520
Please refrain from bringing your /v/ermin tendencies to /jp/.

>>42250741
she's got red hair and is employed

>>42245710

Gladly! Two in particular come to mind, and I'd be happy with either one for different reasons -- Patchouli or Tenshi!

It could be difficult to actually get to Patchouli though...at least initially. I'd probably have only one shot, because I'd have to get into the mansion all the way to Voile just to *try.* I wouldn't try to break in, otherwise I'd probably die to Sakuya's knives as the internal guard or end up Remilia's food somehow. I'd probably try to get Meiling to escort me to her or something -- basically make entry through legitimate means by explaining my intention -- just to speak with Patch -- and hoping I'm allowed in, otherwise I'd have to somehow wait for her to leave the mansion before I could do anything.
Method of meeting aside, I'd probably ask her to teach me magic, or even make me a warlock in some way over time. Doing this would not only allow me to become strong potentially, but also allow me to get closer to her as she teaches me. After a while, once we became close, I'd ask her to be my girlfriend -- an offer she would hopefully accept. If she does, I would gladly move in to the SDM myself if given permission to! We could cuddle wholesomely while we read, or punish Marisa for stealing together! Whatever makes her happy, I'd be happy to do! I think she and I would mesh well together, not speaking to others much and preferring quiet environments on our own the vast majority of the time

I'd imagine subsequent entries after the first would become far easier provided it went well, since I'd be known as Patchouli's acquaintance or otherwise associate after the first instance.
-
As for Tenshi, my only real way to make contact at all would be to stumble across her more or less, my best bet's to do so by waiting either at Moriya or Hakurei for her to show up, I'd imagine.

I don't have nearly as much in terms of a plan going into talking to her compared to Patchouli, but it may actually be for the better in some way. Tenshi being unpredictable and doing stuff unplanned, I might luck my way into a relationship with her using the same sort of approach. I'd imagine she'd be the polar opposite of a relationship with Patchouli more or less, just very fun overall instead of muted and soft. Experiences every day, spending it alongside a young woman I'd love.
As for becoming more than a human, I know Celestial peaches have special properties, so I may become something more just by eating those with her on probably frequent occasion.
-
Overall I think I'd prefer Patchouli's more quiet love since it matches me much more, but as I said before, I imagine dating the celestial would never stop being fun in some form.

>>42250803
as far as patchy goes you could just honestly ask for a message to be passed along that you wish to apprentice under and be persistent and honest in your admiration. Even if Patchy isn't a sucker for flattery a few choice words in whatever letter you can pass to her will go a long way in at least granting an audience.
And if you earnestly study your craft you'll find her enjoying your company after too long and from there you might be able to establish a relationship. Patchy is a herbivore and rather passive girl so it'd be up to you to make the first moves but don't give up after being rejected!

As for Tenshi its more like that you'd have to talk to her earthbound associates like the Yorigami sisters which carries a decent risk if they're feeling mischievous. Your best bet would be to ask Reimu, Kasen, or another face that more regularly interacts with her to pass on a message to her with your honest intentions of trying to date her. The worst that can happen is that she meets with you with to pass some time and bully you with her haughty attitude.

>>42250741
She makes some bomb ass tea

>>42250932
All makes sense, thanks for the advice! I was roughly thinking along the same lines in terms of meeting and getting with Patch, so great minds think alike. Really and truly, I think it'd be pretty fun and interesting to study magic with or under Patchouli, so being dedicated wouldn't be an issue at all. Making the first move wouldn't be either. I'm currently single, but I have three exes. Nothing particularly bad happened, things just didn't work out in then, but I was the one to ask each of them out in the very beginning at their respective different times in the past. It never gets easier to ask, but the point is, it's definitely within my capabilities.

The advice for Tenshi though is certainly appreciated! Even if she showed up to bully, perhaps I could capture her interest if I don't really show that I'm phased at said bullying to begin with -- show her that I wouldn't crumble like many other humans might. Just, I'd have to hope it doesn't get physical, otherwise I'd probably be screwed.

>>42250803
Ah, there's the thing people rarely consider when they think about this question. How would they get to the 2hu of their choice in the first place and what will they do once they reach her to gain her favor?

>>42250741
free martial arts training
good tea and Chinese food
stories of her travels
a fun and confident GF
Good with children and makes a good mother
Likes to take it easy
Slow to anger, but don't push it you know?
emotionally and mentally very stable
Can protect you from any youkai with ease

>>42251022
Tenshi is a haughty and overly confident girl but she is earnest, her bullying could easily be turned into bantering if you know how to not crumble and sling shit back. It'd also be important to humor her whims as Tenshi has a lot of them!.
I doubt it'd get physical since Tenshi isn't really like that.
I'd imagine that any first encounter with Tenshi would be one of loud banter and riffing off each other's jokes, if you can make her laugh chances are that she'll come visit you again next time she's down on earth which should be rather frequent or just be upfront and ask her out or invite her to some upcoming event like a banquet or festival.
Tenshi would appreciate being upfront more then patchy who'd want a slower romance.

>>42251025
It's almost a shame that so many don't usually think about it, or at least, don't put it down in words.

I guess some would be rather easy to access so little to no explanation would really be needed for them, but still in lies the question of how they would go about getting their favor.

Being a fairly skilled writer that is constantly thinking about scenarios and details, descriptions and, bare minimum some outlines of potential courses of action, tend to come to me fairly easy if I've been given time to think.

Myself aside, I think it'd be fun to see others', anons or otherwise, explain or plan out how they'd achieve these goals, or other goals depending on the thread.

>>42251025
For me its Reimu
Reimu is a girl that despite being lazy doesn't shirk her duty in the slightest and is rather honest with herself and other.
The best way is to simply start talking to her when you go over to visit her shrine or to one of her banquets.
You don't need the pretext of "apprenticeship" with her and as long as you're willing to make it every week, pop a few coins in her box, and coax her out of her shell she'd warm up to you very quickly i'd imagine.
Reimu strikes me as the sort of person that'd want a slower romance as she has a very old school way of thinking and thus anyone that wants to earn her love would have to do it the old fashion way of showing up regularly, bring a gift or two, and inviting her out to the village.
I'm sure she'd relish the chance to chat with someone interested whatever stories she has or just listen to her vent before you entertain her with whatever goings on you got up to that week.
Also bantering is important, if Reimu considers a friend she'd trade sarcasm and insults that are brutally honest and she'd like if you can handle that and sling them back as she's used to handling high energy types of people but theres no set way you'd have to act and should just be yourself but also be able to go with the flow.

>>42251027
You think Meiling could use your pressure points to stimulate you?

>>42251152
she'd be well verse in most if not all chinese traditional medical practices so yes. yes she could.
I'd imagine her massages are something she's secretly a pro at.

>>42251067
Makes sense, makes sense. Achieving this for me might be much more difficult than it would be to get with Patch, seeing as I'm a generally muted person by nature.

All the same though, I feel like I could be quite happy with either of the two, but for different reasons.

A third candidate that comes to mind would be Junko, but they just don't really seem possible or like a good idea for me for a couple different reasons.

I'd imagine just trying to communicate with Junko at all would be nigh impossible for any normal human, and even if I could, it may only bring her painful memories of her past husband and son. I wouldn't want to do that to her. I think instead, it might be better to just treat her with tender kindness and understanding provided I get the opportunity. Being a spirit of pure rage more or less, I'd imagine that sort of grief might be something she is legitimately unable to move on from given the nature of her existence, at least not until she can get Chang'e out of the picture, and even then it's unclear. I think she more needs someone who can listen to Her and comfort her when needed. Clownpiece is more or less a child that spends her time away from Junko and Hecatia anyway, and Hecatia although a friend of Junko's doesn't strike me as the sort of person to readily show tender understanding at any given time.

Bottom line, regardless of which I'd end up with, whether it be Patchouli, Tenshi, or somehow Junko, I'd want each of them to be happy.

>>42251182
roughly as good as an idea as romancing parsee
still worth

>>42251182
I always figured that if Chang'e were to be gone Junko would just turn into dust as she would lose her one reason to still remain

>>42249571
Amazing. How do I apply for a job at the bureau?

>>42251240
Probably the most likely outcome, but I prefer to think of it more as moving on instead of just ceasing existence. She is a sageous ***spirit*** after all, so who's to say she can't move on normally just as normal spirits can after her goal/purpose is fulfilled?

>>42251182
Junko is someone that can't be taken lightly.
Any anon that wants to enjoy Junko's love is always going to play second fiddle to her hatred of the moon.
As well you'd have to be 100% pure in your intentions to either care for her or join her in her revenge as she powers which she'll eventually use on you will reveal your true nature eventually.
She's reasonable outside of that however and would likely enjoy someone to rant to and maybe even grow closer with as she'd divine your true intentions before long and bring them out.
However you're main issue is playing second fiddle to her revenge and having to live with the fact that Heca will be using her like a tool when she wants to make her next move.

All in all Junko is about a 5/5 on the relationship difficulty scale and anyone wanting to pursue her will first have to locate her, get to her safely, and have honest intentions of loving her AND snubbing down those moon bitches with a fury.

>>42251272
In honesty, playing second fiddle to her rage would be more or less an honor, considering she considers that hatred to be paramount to, and literally is, her current existence purpose.

It'd mean that aside for her literal reason to be alive, you are the most important thing to her.

Yeah though, as I said, trying to actually be her lover I don't think would work out for the reasons I mentioned before, not to mention the infinitesimally small chances a human would actually have to just meet her, let alone build any sort of meaningful relationship. Who knows though, although extremely unrealistic, there's probably a way to do it if someone was truly dedicated, whether that person be me or someone else.

As I said, I'm happy with Patchy, Tenshi, or Junko, just so long as all three are happy, whether I contribute to that happiness in the form of romance, understanding, friendship, or otherwise -- or even if I have nothing to do with their happiness at all.

>>42251342
>Yeah though, as I said, trying to actually be her lover I don't think would work out for the reasons I mentioned before, not to mention the infinitesimally small chances a human would actually have to just meet her, let alone build any sort of meaningful relationship. Who knows though, although extremely unrealistic, there's probably a way to do it if someone was truly dedicated, whether that person be me or someone else.
well gods in myth are usually pursued by someone that is really ballsy and will be willing to declare their true feelings upfront and without mincing words, junko would love that as purity is her thing. As far as meeting her theres no small chance you could find her by asking around Eientei or attending Reimu's banquets.
Or I don't know... throwing "I hate the moon parties?" worth a shot

>>42251147
Added extra bonus:

Aunn getting progressively more happy to see you the more she gets familiar with your frequent visits.Cuteness ensues.

>>42250558
>>42250773
The first time was funny
The fiftieth time in the span of a week much less so

>>42251372
don't forget the fairies who's kindness you could win by bringing them treats. You're really looking at a cute overload even if you have your eyes only on Reimu.

>>42251359
Actually, thinking about it, it's hilarious to me how throwing "I hate the Moon" parties sounds like a legitimate strategy given she becomes aware of it. Funny yet justified thought that is.

But yeah you're definitely right, it isn't impossible, and thinking about it in similar context to myths does make it at least feel more possible.

>>42251395
for the price of a few bottles of sake per week and some finger food you get to meet junko as long you send out invites to the major players of gensokyo, especially if you get Komachi to bring some letters addressed to her down to hell.
Its honestly surprisingly feasible

>>42251391
>fiftieth
You exaggerate.

>>42251392
The fairies may be a bit of an x factor, they make take a prank too far and actually kill you accidentally, hell Kasen or Suika may end up roughing you up too much for different reasons.

>>42251444
The 3 fairies first chapter had them make the path to the shrine unending so no one could find it which is dangerous but not the worst if you know whats going on and tempt them with whatever offering you brought for them today for safe passage. Plus they're fairies and will get bored easily if you say just lay down and take a nap on the side of the road or something.

Kasen can get carried away but physical violence or being a lewd pink thing probably won't be an issue. Suika is a bit more unpredictable but as long as you avoid being locked into a drinking contest or challenging her you SHOULD be fine.
Your biggest fear would be Clowpi affecting someone strong with her flame and getting attacked by said insane person but again, you bring bribes for the fairies for safe passage and you could avoid most pranks.
Although its a fine game of not getting the fairies too attached to you before you become Reimu's BF

>>42251477
I meant Kasen more in like a "testing you to see if you are serious" way and maybe she ends up taking it too far like making you sit under a waterfall for a day

>>42251496
Kasen would likely test you to see if you're serious with Reimu or not but she isn't a fool, by her legend she was once human and understands that humans are weak so she wouldn't do something crazy like that. Hopefully.
Honestly your biggest danger from Kasen is her lecturing you for hours or something if she thinks you're not 100% committed to Reimu or make her sad or something.

>>42250480
>>42250630
Don't worry anon i will give Alice the happiness she deserves and nothing will stop me

>>42251582
>me on the left
Shanghai stop pretending Alice has a BF on the internet!

>>42251582
Please do so, Alice has done nothing wrong and deserves love and happiness just as the other girls do.

While I don't have romantic feelings for her myself, I still want her to be happy just as I'd like Patchouli, Tenshi, and Junko to be.

>>42246743
Alice is pretty young tho, akyuu says that she has pretty few time of being a magician

>>42251688
she's at least older then reimu by about 10 years however, since Alice would have to have become a youkai before Reimu took over since Reimu's policy is extermination so Alice would have to have been youkaifying during a predecessors reign

>>42245710
I will walk into the Bamboo Forest of the Lost and either die a long and lonely death, or bring back the japanese wolves from extinction. I refuse to return to civilization unless it's with a big and happy family.

>>42251700
Or probably she becomes a youkai in the makai that is not under Reimu's jurisdiction maybe after MS but before PCB

>>42251769
well thats opening the shitflinging of whether pc games are canon and if Alice was actually born human

>>42251700
>>42251769
It doesn't matter because i will fuck the youkainess out of alice in the bed

>>42251815
I know you're horny posting but still I wonder how much a witch is a "youkai" cause I know that in touhou magic lets you ignore death and aging which will let you be "immortal" as long as you aren't killed but IRL legends and myths have witches still be killed by old age even if they live long depending on the tale.
Alice can't have the 'youkai' fucked out of her but still its intresting

>>42251429
I wish, but it was much like a fucking firehose of virtually identical shit

>>42251835
Ironic since that is what a majority of /jp/'s threads are.

>>42251070
For me, it is Yuugi. I could never hope to match let alone impress an oni with a physical feat even if I was in peak physical condition but I do have confidence in my ability to socially drink large amounts of alcohol and be entertaining while I do so. I figure that would be my way in with an oni. Between braving old hell and simply waiting for her to venture to the surface as she is apparently know to do every now and then, waiting would be safer. However, trying to go down to old hell would probably at least serve to impress her a bit but it would also require a lot of prep time on my part. I'd have to gather as many magical items as I can to help me get down there because I'm not a magician myself. I am also not a spelunker and I don't imagine there is a walkable path down there. I'd have to find something that will let me fly like the magicians do.

While it would be nice to have something to impress her with, it would probably ultimately be better for me to wait. I guess I'd have to weigh the strength of that initial impression vs how confident I am in my ability to drunkely charm an oni.

>>42251835
so you mean the entirety of /jp/?

>>42251870
Yuugi doesn't wear anything but a robe.
No underwear
No bra
No shoes

>>42251885
To be fair, the shoes thing was just because they were indoors.

>>42251870
>>For me, it is Yuugi. I could never hope to match let alone impress an oni with a physical feat even if I was in peak physical condition but I do have confidence in my ability to socially drink
one thing you can do is to run, humans are pursuit predators and i've heard stories about how some tribes in Africa still do that tradition and can run at full sprint for over 5 hours in pursuit while only consuming like a cup of water. is interesting to look into but holy shit its something someone will have to really work up too. That could 100% impress yuugi as she's likely never seen it

>>42251835
You sound like a bit of a baby.

>>42251902
I don't know man, youkai seem to just be super powered humans in many cases. I'm sure they can do that too if they wanted.

>>42251932
sure for an oni, but you're taking about a human. even then you have the story of the Spanish who was being chased for over a day and a half by the aztec who were used to the landscape while they sprinted ahead of them to stay alive and that was considered a feat impossible but was done out of necessity. its not something you can do with light hearted will but its something you can do nevertheless and oni aren't known for their honest feelings of love so you've the advantage in impressing her!

>>42251958
Maybe so, but I feel like long distance running doesn't exactly make for a spectacle. If someone came up to you and said something like "Check it out, I'm gonna run a long distance!" then ran off, would you care to monitor their progress in any way?

>>42252005
personally i would be, but more then that Yuugi would be impressed by how you're able to do that even as she keeps up with you.
More importantly is that Yuugi is a jealous being that is jealous of how Suika is able to go around playing as she pleases and if you try you'd be able to seduce Yuugi with your feats as long as you try your hardest pushing yourself to the limits.
If you really want Yuugi your best best is to devote yourself to being able to this and other feats and honestly declaring your intentions to her no matter of the consequence.

It is your duty as anons to make them happy.
That's all there is to it, just make her happy.
Affection, big happy family, whatever it takes.

>>42252032
It's certainly a good motivator to keep in mind seeing as I have taken up jogging not too long ago. Even if it's just a fantasy sometimes that's all you need to keep you going.

>>42245743
Yeah it's all bland porn now.

If a cute yokai confessed to me I'd at the very least give them a chance. Who knows, maybe we'd make a good couple.

>>42252314
What if it was stink ass Wriggle?

Smells like shit.

>>42252334
Mating press

>>42252365
"Chocolate mud" cake with strawberries on top.

>>42252376
Please have some standards, you deserve better than this...

>>42252723
I will mating press (You)

>>42252744
EWWWWWWWWW

>>42251025
Ask Meiling politely to deliver a letter to the beautiful librarian, on the assumption that klutz won’t lose it and that her Mistress can give Koakuma time off for us to spend together. Proceed to wine and dine, figure out the other details as we go.

>>42245710
All youkais really want from a human is to make meatbuns out of one.

>>42250703
just get a chinese girlfriend

>>42255112
Most Chinese girls are nothing like Meiling though. They’re shallow, materialistic, and Chinese “culture” is so awful it makes the West look like paradise.

>>42255112
Would Meiling resemble a 3D chinese woman in any way at all?

>>42255112
The humanity of mainland chinese all died with Mao's cultural revolution

>>42255120
>>42255142
Chinese girls are youkai according to ZUN

A youkai wife will always love you.

I forgot my picture.

>>42250741
>perks
Beautiful
Will give you cute, tall children
An actual woman instead of those retarded kids and fatties she gatekeeps for
Fun to spar with
>cons
She will boil my dog alive when i am not home

>>42256003
>She will boil my dog alive when i am not home
Please anon thats only in times of famine...
Just make sure to keep a boxed lunch or two in the fridge at all times...

>>42251025
Literally the only thing I'm counting on is the lack of other more attractive options for them.

>>42256046
Rude. Here's a better answer: if that guy's dad scored a youkai just fine, you can too.

>>42256017
>famine
she's always famished. i don't think the lunch boxes would help

>>42256003
I imagine she eats a lot and would probably fall asleep after a meal.
Hope you're prepared to be her favorite pillow.

>>42256624
i'm not saying he's not a good option. i am saying he can only maintain a harem so big.
>dad scored a youkai just fine, you can too
but i am autistic

>>42256783
harem? Kourin doesn't even have a GF and conologically has no one interested in him nor is he interested in anyone as he's itemsexual
I suppose maybe Sumireko could catch his attention out of everyone but thats a stretch

>>42247891
>>42248312
>>42248806
>>42248902
>>42249571
Riddle me this, how can you reject a Youkai if they can just rape you? Raping someone is basically the same as marrying them for Youkai.

>>42256840
>Spends 90% of his week in his shop
>Only leaves to find stuff from the outside world
>Almost never visits human village
>Got invited to see cherry blossoms blooming by a few people, rejected all offers to stay at the store
>Only meaningful relationship are two leeches
No wonder why, this man is faithful only to the grind

>go to mountain
>get tackled by white wolf tengu in heat
You don't marry youkai, you just get claimed.

>>42257614
even if it's not love you still have purpose

>>42257614
That's just their way of confessing their love.
Youkai just have a different culture. You should give them a chance by going into the forest alone and trying to meet one.

>>42250703
god I wish I could marry Meiling
she is so nice

>>42257691
>>42257758
Never said there wasn't love involved.
She would probably start crying if you tried to leave.
Would possibly also have a panic attack if she lost sight of you.
How many pups do you think she would want?

in the interest of improving youkai-human relations, byakuren has invited you to discuss sutras with her in her bedroom tonight

>>42257914
i want to discuss the kamasutra with her, incl. real life demonstrations

>>42257914
I see, as someone who wishes to improve Gensokyo as much as I do im sure our discussion will be fruitful!
I wonder what important information she'll pass in, must be something vital since she wants privacy. Don't see why it has to be at night however.

>>42258096
you're dense anon. more so than lead itself.

>>42257914
I don't think my wife Miko would approve of that.

>>42257914
Sure, why not? I can appreciate a fun philosophical discussion and I'm pretty sure a monk won't be weird about it.

>>42258150
I consider myself to be a rather observant person thank you very much.
I have nothing to be wary about from such a well respected figure, she has forgone all earthly attachments and only seeks to save the souls youkai and her human followers!
Hence why I'm very excited to hear what insights will be shared in the secrecy of her room. Sure its a bit odd it must take place at night after the time the rest of the monks and youkai should be in bed but I'm sure its just because that's her small sliver of free time!

They told me youkai were eternally young and beautiful, but my blind date... What am I supposed to do?

>>42259079
>what am I supposed to do?
Breed her, if you won't I will.

>>42259079
That's considered beautiful in the eyes of some.
>What am I supposed to do?
Stop going on blind dates.

How do I find hot, young, Yokai girls in my area?

>>42259097
Anon, with youkai a blind date is basically a blind marriage. Going on another blind date isn't going to be an option anymore.

>>42259079
>What am I supposed to do?
Make her feel young again

>>42259079
Excuse yourself and just walk away.

>>42259079
the sweet meat...

>>42259536
She looks really comfy to sleep on

>>42259079
You should return this magnificent creature back to the ocean where it belongs.

>>42259547
Probably cold to the touch.

i lift so i can have an easier time imagining myself princess carrying my youkai wife to bed.

>>42259583
>chanta

I wonder who could be behind those youkai rejection posts.

I live in the middle of a desert, I wanna date a Mermaid! I got a pool outback! I can drag my PC out there!

>>42259583
i really fucking hate ran's face in this style

>>42260063
Chanta has always been a foul fat fetishist

>>42259547
Getting a boner when you lay your head on her soft belly!

>>42254875
What if she gave it to Patchouli instead and that is who showed up?

>>42257914
No dice, I've got a date with a beautiful, human granny tonight.

>>42260219
>>42258404

It's just a peaceful discussion, I'm sure they won't mind.

>>42259695
I like Chanta

>>42260219

>>42260219
Does the date involve arson?

>>42260529
>our son?
Please anon they're barely dating, children aren't even a question yet!

>>42260529
It involves her arson my lap.

>>42260537
I'm talking about setting shit on fire, mate. Chicks dig fire.
Never steered me wrong

>>42260537
Really? I figured that promising many children to a Youkai is a good opening move.
It certainly works if a Youkai promises to birth many healthy children of mine...

>>42260550
i'd be a proud dad of a whole brood of little yams or momoyos

>>42260438
Good god, I want to slide my bare hands all over this lewd granny...

>>42260655
What if she bites?

>>42259536
>>42259547
Not being into fat hags! Trying to sneak away! Letty asking if you'd like some tea since she finds you cute! Letty luring you back to her lair! Her doing this right at the end of Winter! Her lair being sealed up for the seasons but it's OK because it's well stocked and will open next winter! Sleeping on top of Letty because she only has one bed and it's small! Using Letty's fat breasts as pillows! Telling Letty you're thirsty so she tells you that you should impregnate her so she can make milk! Letty's lair being naturally chilly so you rarely leave the warmth of her body and the bed! Becoming emotionally and physically dependent on Letty!

>>42260814
How devious of her...

>>42260814
>Sleeping on top of Letty
GIWTWM

>>42260814
What if she hibernates like a bear and isn't awake during that time?

>>42260204
That’d be a little awkward. I suspect I’d get a tongue lashing from her, if she bothered to haul her fat ass all the way over to berate me. The only thing I could do is plead my case.

>>42261009
Exposure to a youkai itself is magical. Prolong close range exposure to a youkai can even change you into a youkai. There's no escaping Letty's cuddling, not even death can help you.

I want to marry Hata no Kokoro!

>>42261494
Wait a second..

>>42259552
Shut up Mai.

>>42261494
you're waifu a slut!

>>42261494
That's a nice view.

>>42260219
That is a plate.

>>42261494
That is a mask

>>42262242
Can't argue with that logic.

>>42262242
I'm usually in favor of human men dating youkai girls, but Kagetsu's howling is extremely annoying and she likely smells like a wild animal. Not to mention the hairy forearms.
Guys should stay far away from her.

>>42262242
I'm usually in favor of human men dating youkai girls, but Kagerou's howling is extremely annoying and she likely smells like a wild animal. Not to mention the hairy forearms.
Guys should stay far away from her.

>>42256948
They can't rape me because I covered my dick in amulets, so if they tried reaching for it their hand is getting burned.

>>42262347
How about a Mermaid? Iv'e my eye on one.

>>42262554
I hope you are a good swimmer.

>>42262347
A little hair never hurt anyone! Plus she could wear stockings!

>>42263015
But what about Mermaid Stockings?

>>42260635
so many momoyos

>>42263375
CUTE

>>42249571
Are you and the nice jawline guy (the one who hates alice) good friends

>>42263375
Could you handle so many children?

>>42249571
so fucking based...

>>42261494
Hold up, is that.....!?

>>42261494
You're a brave one, anon.

>>42264021
What is Yukari scheming...

>>42261009
>>42261320
>most of your diet consists on milk during that time
>get surrounded by minilettys over time
Yeah there is no hope

>>42262242
Scary werewolf...

>>42245710
how do i get character ai to do this?

>>42245710
You are right, Alice, I'm going to go climb Youkai Mountain right now and either die or find her house and propose to Kutaka-chan!

>>42268634
Matrimonio con pajaro!

>>42258573
..."well, your skills in bed are wonderful, but you are utterly wrong on why humans should ever accept death. It is nothing more than an abomination, and an ultimate evil that spits in the face of all that's good. And I have no idea on how that Murasa girl is still lingering in the mortal world when she should be playing Battleships in the Netherworld."

>>42270857
Haha, as if I would ever argue on behalf of death.

>>42251182
I was under the impression she'd cut away everything except her hate, including the reason for her hate, and didn't even remember the names or faces of her husband and son. She's practically a new person.

>>42245710
Is she that big?

>>42271227
For you.

>>42271356
What would an Orin wife do with you after death

>>42271439
You would be her favorite skull that she uses as an ornament on her wheelbarrow.

>>42248312
I would rather watch shoveldog then things like this ;_;

>>42271451
Thats pretty romantic actually

>>42270857
Now seems like a good time to tell Byakuren about my terminal birth condition and how I'm sure to die young due to it!

>>42271439
She'll reincarnate you and bring you back to her

DECEIVERS IS WHAT YOUKAI ARE AND IM NOT GONNA FUCK THEM

>>42271356
Dumb cat.

>>42264021
Wowzers she's cute. Im generally not into blondes but is she single?

You guys are all so fucking stupid. You all like to claim that youkai are superior to human women because they don't age and grow old, therefore staying young and beautiful forever. Do you really think that a youkai woman would want to MARRY a human male that will DO THE SAME THING? Even on the off-chance that any of you retards are good looking enough for a youkai woman (doubt), you're just going to get old and fucking ugly too. Why would she want to watch you slowly decline as you age past 30? The most any of you could hope for is being used as a pump and dump in case they want children, and that's only going to be for the upper echelon of human men, aka none of you. Go back to dreaming faggots, a youkai woman would never even look at you without feeling disgust or sadness.

>>42278160
That's why the mail goal after that is to try to find a method to transcend humanity and stay beautiful forever. Like hell I'm going to be content with withering away like a mortal rube after such an accomplishment.

>>42278160
Let me remind you that you are in Gensokyo, a place full of magic and forgotten arts. There are no shortage of methods to extend your life. Cultivate your inner self and embrace Taoism, learn magic and take the magician's route, or reject your humanity and become a youkai yourself. You're already drawing the ire of the miko by taking a youkai lover, so it's not like you're shooting yourself in the foot. Just be very cautious about the last one, everyone remembers what happened to the fortune teller.

>>42278160
You say these things as though the youkai are anything more than an excuse for pursuing some personal immortality project.

>>42278203
Main goal, I made a typo because I am delirious. I will however add that there is a point to be made for achieve some kind of immortality before attempting an endeavor like getting a youkai wife but maybe it would be easier to do if you got one first so she can help you do it.

How do I ask out the nice Chinese youkai lady? She's so cute and cool but i can't help but get nervous around her...

>>42278385
You must first learn Chinese.

>>42278385
Show her your moves!

>>42278461
Sound dating advice from Capt. Falcon!

>>42278385
I'm going to tell the maid that someone is trying to seduce her gatekeeper! You're both gonna get in trouble now!

>>42278544
oh no!
Meiling will be upset with me for sure...
>>42278439
of course! She is a patriot after all...
>>42278461
what sort of moves?

>>42251025
>>42251070
For me it's Komachi
I mean killing myself would probably be by far the easiest way of getting to her, but I wouldn't really get anything out of it other then her driving me accross the river.
Provided I have what it takes to learn at least some magic and can get Marisa or Alice to teach me a few things I could try venturing to meet her myself. The Road of Liminality is more or less a tourist trap so getting to Sanzu river might not even be that hard and I'm sure I could catch her slacking of on the riverbank at some point. Maybe I could simply try asking Reimu to introduce me to her and if Reimu throws a hissy fit about humans needing to be afraid of youkai and the likes I can simply tell her that Akyuu wrote a bunch of books about that and that I somewhat know how gensokyo functions. Alternatively I could try getting deeper into magic and maybe cause a little bit of trouble for Reimu until she's annoyed enough with me to agree on introducing me to her if I stop being a nuisance. Komachi is a pretty sweet and easygoing girl so I'm sure she'd agree to meeting me, even if it's only for the sake of slacking off. If I manage to make a good first impression on her then I doubt she'd decline an invitation to a picnic or a walk down the Road of Liminality together. I think trying to make her laugh or at least smile would be the best approach for the kind of person she is, though I could understand if she was slightly reserved since she doesn't like it if a being tries to extend their livespan, which is something I'd definitely do by becoming a magician like Alice did. But that's more or less the basic plan

>>42278768
Chinese looks hard as shit. Do you have what it takes?

>>42279061
Would you abstain from extending your life if that is what it took?

>>42279137
That's kind of a tough question. Gensokyo has so many things to offer and places to see that I doubt I'd be able to fully experience it unless I didn't have at least some additional years. I could try doing it before I meet her for the first time. On this way I wouldn't need to worry about it ruining the relationship I'm trying to build with her and instead would only need to "fix" a possibly existing initial slightly negative view of her on me. Alternatively I could try making a deal with the Yama simliar to the one Akyuu, or more accurately her ancestors, made. And it's not like I'm solely doing it out of selfishness. She's going to live for a very long time and if she really loves me then she'll refuse to let go of the memories we made after I died. It would cause her a lot of grief and pain over a long period of time and even after getting over it I'm sure she'd think back about it both fondly but also with sadness. Outliving a loved oneand being only left with memories and grief is something a lot of 2hus would have to face at some point with a mortal partner. By extending my lifespan I could at least postpone her having to face these issues as well as her possibly blaming herself for her sadness since she stopped me from doing it. If she really would demand me to stop then my decision would depend on where we're at in our relationship. I'd try to explain things to her, but if I really had to put a stop to it then I probably would. Once I'm dead however, I still wouldn't leave her side and follow her around as a phantom, either flying around freely or in a sealed jar she can hang on the ferry or on her belt

>>42279346
Who knows, maybe you can finesse your way into a job in the same department of the afterlife before or after you die.

>>42278768
>what sort of moves?
mating press moves

>>42279081
I have to do this if i am to impress Meiling-san

>>42278439
Trad or simplified?

>>42279693
Which do you suppose Meiling speaks?

>>42277961
Too late :)

>>42251025
Well im interested in Koagasa. And she hangs around Human village so meeting her wouldn't be that hard. Rather she would likely arrive to spook the new guy.
However Im the kind of weirdo who also enjoys spooking. Tis why Halloween is my prime Holiday. I'd probably actually get a startle, but then complement her skills therein. If it goes well, lead into swapping scare tactics, possibly even shifting into metallurgy- as she has shown proficiency in metalworking. Hopefully it goes well from there!

>>42280530
Maybe she would even appreciate one of the high quality modern Halloween masks we have now if you were to bring her one.

This funny clown I befriended a month ago introduced me to her master at some festival the Hakurei hosted. She says she's a goddess of hell, and she's really fun to be around! I think I like gods a lot more than Youkai, she's so strong that she always has this intimidating air around her. Very pretty too, and her friend Junko was gossiping to me that she doesn't know a goddess like her is still a single, unmarried virgin. I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to ask her out...

>>42280635
Don't do it anon, Greek gods are nothing but trouble. Goddesses even more so!

>>42278160
Cry about it, I WILL marry a youkai wife if I so choose too!

>>42280673
B-but she has THREE bodies! She could be with me even if I went home to the outside world! And she's very kind and caring to me and knows what I'm talking about anytime I have a discussion with her! Not only that, she's not as wild and cuhrazy as you might think taking one look at her! She's got a wonderful personality and I really like her, I just have to find the guts to ask her out.

>>42280735
I'm telling you anon, Greek goddesses are the most mentally unstable!
Don't be surprised when she kills everyone close to you as revenge for eating her pudding and chains you in the basement for capybaras to eat your eyes for eternity!

>>42280673
I 'unno, man, as petty as they are, I think they're pretty reasonable as long as you give them the respect they deserve.
And treating your wife right is a given, anyway, so as long as you're not a shitty man who clearly doesn't deserve her, and sure Hecatia would be a lovely wife.

>>42280564
That sounds like a great idea. Ive got all manner of props, and do often make my own. Oddly enough no masks, as I rely on being that indiscernable shape moving in the darkness. That and ambush tactics. Consider the scares Kogasa and I could pull off working in tandem!

>>42280855
You're being ridiculous, anon. She wouldn't do anything of the sort, she's one of the most mature ladies I've seen in Gensokyo. I'll buy her sweets and feed her them myself like I were a servant supposed to feed their master grapes and I'll be happy doing that for a pretty goddess like her! It's too late to convince me now, I'm going to ask her out! I have the courage now!

>>42280901
>>42280946
Anon heca was literally planning on letting the entirety of Gensokyo die by taking all their faries. This would culminate into Gensokyo becoming a land of the dead overrun by vengeful spirits all in order to make hell have a prettier face. This would not make hell not a realm of torture, but only that it would have a bit of greenery as faries would be forced to live in literal biblical hell making flowers and trees.
Heca is not a nice person or reasonable at all. She's entirety unhinged and if you wronged her even in ridiculously small way all it'd take is her having a bad day to do something like send to needle torture hell with a weighted vest attached to your body.
Save yourself before its too late!

>>42280855
ancient greece was a shithole though
I can understand going batshit
modern life is far more enjoyable and would surely calm her down
failing that, modern mental health services actually exist so that can help her instead

>>42280991
Its a shame you'll have to find out the hard but when Heca is nesting hell spider eggs in your torso as punishment for not stocking up her favorite juice after she had a long day of bullying the Yama think back to this post and remember that someone warned you

>>42280988
Heca-chan sent Clownpiece to live in Gensokyo because she didn't want her living in that nasty Hell. Heca-chan is so considerate of those she holds close, I couldn't ask for a better gf.
On my way to ask her out right now. Wish me luck.

>>42281027
RIP anon
I'd go to your funeral but I don't want Heca to know I care about you and cosign me to eternal torture

>>42280939
How about spooky face paint/make up and other practical effects?

>>42280988
It's more like Gensokyo was going to hell anyway, so she just decided to take advantage of the situation. She wasn't the one actively making it worse, so it's a neutral act at worst.
Plus, she didn't have much reason to care about Gensokyo, while she'd obviously care about her hypothetical husband, so she would be much more considerate about his situation.

>>42281082
Of course Practical effects are in-play. Im fond of sheets of dark fabric or shaped items to suggest movement. The best part is never being seen. Until the reveal. Honestly telling Kogasa about some of my best scares sounds like a lot of fun.

The problem with marrying Youkai is that most of them can tell you are thirsty, which may or may not lead to predatory behavior from the crafty ones.
A little hug, a little kissing, and when the two of you share a bed for the first time and you sleep safe and sound, the scoundrel will have figured out the three digits on the back of your CC real quick.

>>42281097
Either way it shows how desensitized and uncaring she is that she'd let them all die without a second thought letting even her cherished hell fairy become sad as her new home is destroyed instead of helping fix it.
Heca simply doesn't care that much and is more then happy doing terrible things and using loved ones as pawns as long as its for whatever arbitrary and vain goal she has at the time.

>>42281113
Thats why its important to not love only for their bodies, approach them desiring who they are and treat them as friends. Its the surest method!

>>42280991
Ancient Greece had a thing for shotas and small unicrcumcised penises.

>>42281132
This, you want a Youkai (or goddess, aparrently) you can hang out with and have fun with before/after the sex. Like Going out with Kogasa and scaring folks, then going home and having a good laugh over dinner then hitting the sheets! Gotta burn off that nervous energy...

>>42281111
That does sound like a good and wholesome time. She certainly seems overall easier to please than some of the other more complicated youkai too.

>>42281113
>the scoundrel will have figured out the three digits on the back of your CC real quick.
Marriage, shared bank accounts, it's all the same thing

>>42281132
Exercising caution is important regardless
Even in the land of illusions, you can't afford to take things for granted. If someone attractive is to take the initiative over you, saying she thinks you're totally handsome and she wants to date right there & then, ask yourself a few questions.
Feels great, sure, but am I about to get played like a fiddle? There is such a thing as too good to be true.

>>42281184
But anon didn't you know foxes are the most trustworthy animal?
You should just go on that date and when she tells you she likes tying people up you should just go with the flow!

>>42281184
Imagine if this were you

>>42281027
Anon here with an update.
She said yes, I have a hot date with a Goddess of Hell now. She wants to go out for pizza and beer. I'm so lucky!

>>42281163
burning off energy night after night until something special says "positive"

>>42281113
What would she possibly do with those numbers in Gensokyo?

Alice is happily married with me i will impregnate her and give her a shit lot of babies and nothing would stop me!

>>42281436
But then you'd have to raise a shit ton of kids. Doesn't that sound stressful?

>>42281447
It'll get easier with time and experience
Its less than you'd expect for some times and far more than you'd imagine for others

>>42281447
>>42281465

Can't the dolls help?

>>42281232
Poor anon is doomed, once you give your soul to a god you never get it back!

>>42251025
My natural tendency to drown will be the icebreaker, as Nitori, friend of humans, swoops in to my rescue on the Youkai Mountain river. Once she drags me to the river bank, I will begin to woo her with my intimate gun knowledge and years of mechanical engineering school, and then, seeing as we get along so well as a pair of shy autists with similar interests, I will ask to view her workshop and maybe work with her on some projects sometime. I can teach her CAD and how firearms work, and she can teach me optical camouflage and sit on my face. The rest is Gensokyo history.

>>42281544
>My natural tendency to drown

How many times has this happened to you so far?

>>42280635
>>42280673
>>42280855
Akyuu is secretly a greek goddess as well you know ;)

>>42281544
>My natural tendency to drown
Dumb anon can't see Murasa has been hitting on him the entire time!

>>42281553
Every time I get in water because I can't swim and drown every time I try to learn. I shower instead of bathe and I dont go near bodies of water like hot tubs, beaches, or boats from my resulting fear. But for my adorable kappa love, I would drown voluntarily because I know she'd be there for me.

>>42281241
Indeed. The more the Scarier! Pack Tactics!

>>42281666
And one day they will be an incident of their own once a bunch of kids jump scaring people all over the place becomes a problem. A game with each child as a stage boss like some Bowser shit.

>>42280635
>>42280735
She'll force you to wear the shirt. Don't let her destroy your fashion sense

>>42281891
Not him but I've loved Hecatia's fashion sense. Its a major selling point. The prototypical "big tiddy goth gf" as it were.
That being said I really like the skirt. Its very pretty.

>>42279722
I like the idea that it's been so long since she spoke with another Chinese person that she's actually forgotten most of the language

>>42282244
Hard to see any flaw in that plan.

>>42282259
'cept that 'itori looks like 'is

>>42282452
Good thing they love Nitori. Not this 'itori.

>>42282244
Looks like a pretty solid plan

>>42281522
>>42281891
My date with Heca-chan is over now. You guys were right, she's forcing me to wear the freaky t-shirt and now she says I belong to her forever even after death. She took things really far after I thought the date was over and now all three of her bodies are now sporting bumps and she's thanking me for the demigods and demanding we get married and go on a honeymoon through Elysium. I think I got way in over my head you guys.....