/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>38428960
Fuck fairies. Fucking fairies. I don't have to work, if the youkai want my fear, they need to feed me.

I'd probably die very quickly

I'd probably head to the Hakurei shrine and spend as much time there as possible because I like Reimu.

>>38428960
I'd go get grotesquely painfully, violently and bloody eaten by Rumia to fulfill my sick perverted fantasies

>>38428960
Easy, I open up the first euthanasia clinic in Gensokyo in the human village and ask for food donations or a little money in return for my services
>assist the depressed or hopeless with suicide
>give them a waiver to sign to decide where their body ends up, in a grave or cremated into a jar
>make profit off those who leave their bodies fate to my discretion selling their meat to youkai as food within packages ready to eat
>drain blood from bodies and sell it to the scarlet devil mansion vampires while its still fresh
>have an awkward time when fujiwara no mokou visits for an assisted suicide and it doesn't work as expected
>paint it in a good and spiritual light during the inevitable Aya interview like the modern fay euthanasia campaigners in australia do
Easy. And I wouldn't get my ass kicked by anybody for killing peeps because they consent to it.

>>38428960
Job? I'd become a hermit and sit on my ass all day.

>>38429060
This but with Yuuma

>>38429084
Just be honest and admit you are a necrophiliac

>>38429126
I would get a Remilia gf from donating blood earned from my macabre business to her loyally, I couldn't be a necrophiliac. Unless vampires count as necrophilia because technically some count vampires as undead.

>>38429126
I would pay Seiga to use Yoshika as a fleshlight

>>38429084
That's retarded, you really think Japanese people need help killing themselves?
And hypothetically even if you did make this business and get customers, Eientei would copy your business and be more successful.
Oh and don't forget, you don't know Japanese.

>>38429170
You don't get it, euthanasia would look more attractive as an option especially when advertised as painless, so people would come to me to 'die peacefully' as I poison them, because it'd probably be hard for me to set up a gass chamber, instead of them cutting their guts open. Then I would mail a cease and desist to Eientei before going bankrupt and becoming a hobo for shits and giggles.

>>38429228
Become the socrates of Gensokyo

>>38429228
Become the diogenes of Gensokyo

I don't know a shit about Gensokyo or Touhou. Only that I have the hots for Hong Meiling and apparently the girls view on human husbandos is unknown and apparently it is a world so dangerous and dark that an anon here thinks a suicide business is a viable strategy.

Thus, I would shave and look as presentabl eas possible, then ask for directions, rush to the mansion she guards, immediatly grope the milkers and confess my love to her. Either I get a redhead muscled top tier martial artist maybe dragon waifu that will protect me, or I get killed. Not much else I can do.

>>38429288
I can appreciate the single minded approach anon. I wish you the best in you adventure.

>>38428960
Idk, a gyoza stand?

>>38429084
I don't know man, I'm pretty sure there's going to be a handful of people that take issue with the prospect and label it murder, if the villagers themselves don't run you out first. I give you ten days at the most after opening up until someone like Reimu comes by to snap your neck.

Maybe as an Alchemist, I can focus on potions that either enhance or change properties of people and objects and maybe some inventions.

>>38429341
>Reimu
Reimu is the least of anon's worries, she's a greedy retard that can be easily manipulated, if she does take issue with your business just tell her you'll give her a small cut of your earnings.

>>38429341
I'll convince Reimu that her life isn't worth it with my logical argumentive mastery by pointing out that she's basically a jobless neet herself who people barely look up to and only like because she beats up monsters, and then I'll point out how she rarely gets donations, her 'friends' are kind of terrible people in actuality and that none of it is worth it.
Then she'll pay me what scraps she can work up to get euthanized herself.

>>38429385
If she didnt want to snap your neck already I think that speech would do it...

>>38429369
He said he was going to sell human meat from his clients to Youkai, that could be perceived as a threat to the village if some Youkai went there to buy something and got cocky.

>>38429385
You'll do that and then when you're done she'll proceed to break your ribs and demand you shut down the euthanasia clinic, and if you refuse she runs you out of the village, and then you get eaten by the same Youkai who were previously your customers.

I'd try to go fishing with Urumi.
She seems nice despite her past, I want to be her friend

>>38429419
Be careful not to catch Wakasagihime by mistake.

>>38429385
I don't think she'd even bother listening man

>>38429408
>>38429411
No, no, you're all wrong, that wouldn't happen, it wouldn't! If I got ran out of the village then my former Youkai customers would be my friends I swear. I'll just reopen the clinic outside the village and they'll protect me from Uglymu.

>>38429385
>convince Reimu
You'd have better results trying to convince a wild animal, Reimu would probably crook her head to the side slightly with a confused look on her face, then demand you close that shit down

>>38429446
I'm sorry euthanasia anon, but you wouldn't get anymore business from that point on. You would no longer be friend but food for the Youkai. You'd meet your end in Rumia's belly.

>>38429433
>>38429456
Then I would have no choice but to beat her up with a shovel, she's a weak little girl in the end and I am a big strong man. I would put her in a headlock until she begs for mercy.

>>38429459
You're lying because you're just jealous that my idea is the greatest. My Youkai friends would never turn on me!

>>38429060
>>38429459
Why is it that whenever this topic comes up all you guys talk about is Rumia? Really, the chances of being eaten by her are low. She wanders blindly in her orb of darkness and isnt particularly fast.
It's the random nameless youkai that dwell in the forests that you'd have to worry about, afaik even ZUN mentioned that there are lots of old school youkai in gensokyo that we don't see because they dont care about danmaku.

>>38428960
I'll travel to Yuka's Field and claim it as my own rice kingdom and become the shogun and then invade Human Village and train more Touhous and then invade Eientei and then make peace treaty with Hakurei Shrine and then burn downn Forest of Magic and then invade Hakurei Shrine and then finally head west to invade the YouKai Mountain using the slaves enslaved from Makai.

I happen to be a dysfunctional Afghanistan war veteran and general social pariah, so I'd probably go youkai even before I'd be considered a 'resident'. I'm guessing any guy taller than 5'8" showing up speaking only the devil's English rather than the native Japanese would be considered a youkai in disguise.

If that doesn't work, either Senkai for hermit training or Makai for magician training.

>>38428960
I would either die horrible, or make it to the human village and then leg it faster than you can "Youkai secret police".

>>38430056
>Go Youkai
Get crimson slashed.

>Makai
Is that still a thing?

>Senkai
Hermit training unironically sounds fucking awful.

>>38429837
Because Rumia is a actual character.

The Youkai you would have to worry about the most is Yukari. If she decides to eat you personally, you are dead before you even set foot in Gensokyo. After that, somebody like Mystia is a way bigger danger. Even if she's recently started selling food.

>>38430176
Man I wish Yukari would eat me personally haha

>>38429837
>worry
What part of "sick perverted fantasies" you did not understand

>>38430257
You know she's going to tear you apart with her bare hands and teeth like you're a rotisserie chicken right?

>>38429260
> Diogenes of Gensokyo
That sounds fun. I wonder who would be the one to kill me for going to far

>>38430169
> Get crimson slashed.
That's a punishment reserved only for the Villagers. Also how the fuck would Reimu know anon even exists or that he was Human in the first place?

>>38430339
Yukari would have enough class to use a knife and fork when she eats me.

>>38430419
>Yukari: "Reimu, this human that I brought over just transformed turned into a youkai. Off him for me, please."
>Reimu: "Sure."

>>38430446
Going by a certain comic she would probably either strangle you to death or have Ran cut you into pieces.

I would throw a rock at the youkai trying to eat me

>>38428960
Donate to the hakurei shrine so i can fuck the local prostitute

>>38431735
Suika is not for sale.

>>38428960
sell foreign literacy to Kosuzu, maybe teach her foreign histories and grammatics; befriend either her or Akyuu
it is sad state of affairs when you know 4 languages but imagining about living in a fantasy world is the best you can do with them since you are a NEET loser

>>38428960
Suicide bomb. I'm taking revenge for my fellow outsiders.
Reimu may be bullshit but I can target others like Sakuya or the tiddy whale.

I always like to think I could try being a butler at SDM but honestly I'd probably just be the Human Village Diogenes

I would challenge an oni to unarmed combat and get splattered.

>>38428960
Run a Chinese-style "rent a white guy" business in the Human Village.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/4wb84b/chinas-rent-a-foreigner-industry-is-still-a-real-thing

Honestly though you probably have to be fluent in Japanese to be considered anything other than youkai chow.

>>38433600
If vengeful spirits and Sanzu runways can make a living in the Road of Liminality with Shinigami on their asses, I'm sure outside world humans can find a way to survive

Fucking kill myself at the Sanzu River.

I would go beat up Flandre Scarlet.

>>38432276
>I always like to think I could try being a butler at SDM
This. It can't be hard to be more useful than the fairies, especially if I express a willingness to learn and even a basic level of competence. If I can get paid in three meals, a bed, and potential friendship with Sakuya and Remi for that, it's plenty for me.

If I were to stick to the village, it'd be some kind of manual labor job anyways. So that being the case, I'd at least want to try it with the girls that interest me first.

>>38432276
>Being a butler at the SDM
You do realize that job basically amounts to being emergency rations, right?

>>38433793
They have fairies and goblins, but you'd probably easily get hired as a human outsider and turned into food a few nights later.

>>38433816
>>38433832
Well, sucks for me then I guess. It'll be a happy few days, though.

>>38433900
well as long as that blood tax keeps coming in, you should be fine
just don't piss of remi or flan

>>38429857
Based strategist. I kneel...
>>38430339
Grimsokyotard...
>>38430928
I hope you land a Critical Hit.
>>38432176
Mashallah.

I would travel to Hakugyukurou to see Youmu. I want her to train me, I NEED to be a badass swordmaster like her. And maybe serve as Yuyuko's personal chef. Maybe.

>>38433749
Find the biggest guy in prison and beat him up? I think we have a winner.

>>38428960
I would join the fairies in pranking people and youkai while become a nuisance and general delinquent.
I'd rob people from the village and mug youkai like Mystia Lorelei. I'd also have a solar powered boom box with me to blast Rock music at all hours of the night and shout and yell at the top of my lungs while running around laughing at my own antics.

>>38428960
Find Scarlet Devil mansion, seggs Remilia

>>38434840
Well when the youkai come to kill you, at least you'd have died a happy (and based) man

>>38434840
Would this be considered an incident?
On another note I'm certain Mystria would invite you to join her and Kyouko's band or offer to let you rock with them.

>>38428960
>What's a job or service you think you could successfully run in the human village?
Excuse me but I'm never going to settle in this shitty subhuman place full of mentally retarded villagers who believe in literally any fairytale, hell they might even mistake you for a youkai or god because you're an outsider with unusual clothes and tools (like smartphones), so yeah fuck 'em

As for gensokyo as a whole, It'd be nice to try to adventure inside the bamboo forest, could meet mokou maybe, or perhaps kaguya and eirin if you're lucky enough to stumble upon Eientei, the forest of magic is also quite a nice shot.

>>38428960
First of all, I will discard my clothes. It'll allow me to avoid confrontation with youkai by intimidating or seducing them and if danmaku battle ensues, my agility won't be constrained.

If nothing works and I still somehow survive the, I'll go to the Human Village and explains to them everything about the Oustide World and Science I know.

>>38435865
>assassinated for daring to bring too much gaijin soience to the pure pollution-free gensokyo

>>38432176
Explosion sign: God is Great

>>38428960
I'll go and ask Rinnosuke for a Job. I'm probably the most Qualified Person in Gensokyou for it and we would hang out reading shit, have discussions about Mythology, Science etc. and repairing/selling stuff we find.

This way I get to meet 2hus, have a proper job, somewhere to sleep and eat and will be relatively save. Also I'll get a Friend. It'd honestly be the best situation for someone like me.

>>38428960
I'll try to become a the representative of the Abrahamic Religions in Gensokyo. My useless knowledge on the Abrahamic Religious I have might finally pay off. It might even grand me some powers (If I get to choose I'd take the Holy Right from Toaru but that just wishful thinking).

I'd probably have to find some followers and get into Religious fights with Miko, Byakuren, Reimu and the Moryia once that that crap starts but I don't think I'll die from it. Probably. Howerever I would try to avoid comfornting the others until I can stand on my own feet. Also build a Church or something.

>>38435950
I want to play board games with Rinnosuke and Kagerou.

>>38435950
yeahhh uhh sumireko already did that bro, rinnosuke doesnt need or even have the money to have two outsider workers sorry bro you'll have to go somewhere else bro

>>38429102
kill yourself faggot

>>38436078
Fuck Sumireko, I have a Master in Engineering and I've repaired a shitton of crap at my old mans store. One show of my Skills and Rinnosuke will forget who Sumireko even is.

>>38433816
Yes, and it would be an honor to be eaten by a cute vampire girl.
Better than living the same life I do at the village, anyway...
>>38435950
Working with Rinnosuke doesn't sound so bad either. He's friendly (enough) to humans.
I think had he not been by his lonesome or had to tard-wrangle Sumireko, his business could actually somewhat flourish.

>>38436315
>I think had he not been by his lonesome or had to tard-wrangle Sumireko, his business could actually somewhat flourish.
Yeah, and if he was actually willing to sell half of his stuff and if he didn't have such an awkward, shitty location and if the people in Gensokyo could even make good use of outside technology or trinkets, then maybe he would flourish.

>>38428960
Well, let me take a look at my skills first:
Languages - Lithuanian (native), English (C2), Latin (can casually read intermediate level texts), Ancient Greek (just starting out)
Educational background - Physics/Astrophysics, know how to fiddle around with electronics, but mostly theoretical
Other - somewhat proficient with longsword, sabre and quarterstaff, knowledge of mythology (mostly European) and farming experience, since I grow my own vegetables.

If I got stranded with a sword or something like that I probably could reasonably defend myself for a while (depending on how tough and aggressive the "weak" youkai are). With my agricultural skills, I could probably fit into the human village, but language would be a pretty serious issue. Although, considering my scientific and linguistic background, working for some magician might not be the worst idea, Patchy might need some help in the library after all.

Of course, this all depends on which interpretation of Gensokyo I end up in so the final outcome might range from getting immediately devoured by a cute girl to successfully integrating and maybe even joining the ranks of the big shots.

I'm gonna go find Yuuka. Rolling high for a one in a million chance. Gain all or lose all.

>>38436721
Audaces fortuna adiuvat

>>38428960
I'd be the resident ugly bastard
Probably would spend a lot of time around Moriya shrine

Im an electrical engineer so I’d be fucking useless or an absolute titan depending on how much I can do with what they have.

The language barrier would be difficult to overcome.

>>38428960
Go straight to suzunaan and attempt to 3P kosuzu and akyuu.

>>38436136
>>38437094
Lots of engineers here for some reason. I'm studying aerospace right now and I highly doubt this will be applicable in Gensokyo. I'd probably get murked by Reimu for attempting to build an airplane. Imagine if people started to ask how it works and one thing leads to the next and tomorrow no one in gensokyo can fly anymore.

>>38437112
I wonder if there are any polls on the professions of touhou fans. My nuclear fusion lecturer had pic related as a laptop background

>>38428960
I yell:"AAAA MIKO SAVE ME"
Then she drops me into her Senkai, reads my desires and allows me to stay as a follower.
Then I spend the eternity training to become a hermit and do the shikaisen ritual and choose my new form as 2hu.
After that I pop out of the Senkai, and walk through the human village and drink booze at Geidontei.
I hope I'll end up as a stage 1 boss in the newest official game.

>>38437112
moriya and the kappa are always happy to build dumb shit as long as you're actually building dumb shit and not practical shit

>>38437392
I think I'd be able to hit it off with the kappas even with the language barrier if they are of the less grimsokyo description. I can just help with their work where my big body may be of some use and show them some neat outside world tricks and learn jp along the way. However this is assuming I don't get put in the ass rape machine.

I'm a professional horticulturalist who works at a Japanese garden so I think I'd try and get a job working under Youmu and Yuyuko at Hakugyokurou. My outsider horticulture degree would give me a unique perspective and my knowledge of proper nutrient ratios and other scientific experience would most certainly be something they've never had access to before.
I'd also try and my myself useful by helping Youmu with her other duties and then hopefully get the dork to fall in love with this baka gaijin and have many 3/4rd phantoms floating around!! Out of all the 2hus, I think I unironically have the greatest chance with Youmu as she's a dork like me and we share a passion in gardening!
Or I'd try to marry Kagerou. A wolf is fine too.

>>38440026
Actually very interesting anon. Fun to see some people of strange backgrounds show up.

>>38437094
If you know actual tech you probably wouldn't get to Gensokyo in the first place.

>>38436077
> playing games with Rinnosuke and Kagerou
What a nice way to spend the day

>>38428960
I would find Mokou and eat her liver to become immortal.

>>38442628
>Ripping her liver out.
She would probably humor you enough not to just burn you on the spot.

>>38428960
>If you got stranded
If I got stranded I would most likely spend all of my time trying to get out. Otherwise, apparently, outsiders tend to become overnight celebrities due to their knowledge of the outside world. So, I would most likely just write and sell books about the outside world to make ends meet until I can somehow get through the Hakurei Barrier.

If worse comes to worse and I would be stuck there forever I would try and destabilize the Hakurei Barrier out of spite.

Would a black person instantly be exterminated by Reimu as a youkai the moment she sees him

>>38443241
No. But the sheer difference in penis size compared to your average villager means you would be the first person in Gensokyo to allow a woman to orgasm.

>>38443284
Blacks having big cocks is a big meme, the rumor emerged as a response of "they have to have something"

>>38443469
small penis cope

>>38443687
Projecting nigcel, I'm 6 and a half inches ;)

>>38443700
>>38443687
>>38443469
Oi, take your Bullshit somewhere else

I want to detonate a nuke in Gensokyo and poison everyone with radiation

>>38443925
Based, but you need to step up your game. The Lunar Capital, Hell, the Animal Realm, Makai, Gensokyo, Heaven, all of these places are corrupt and impure. They all need to be nuked.

I'd try to do pic related to Satori

>>38444744
Nice. That artist is amazing.

is there anyone you can live as a servant with or something while you find a way to get somewhat decently strong to not be youkai food

>>38428960
>If you got stranded in Gensokyo, what would you do?
Suicide. I don't speak japanese, so my life in Gensokyo would be a living hell.

>>38445050
No. Gensokyo is not your power fantasy Isekai. You are brough there to die.

>>38434840
You know, I could actually see this character being a stage 1-3 boss in a legit Touhou game, despite being a dude. Wonder what his theme and danmaku would be like.

>>38446790
>Theme
Rock music, obviously.

>Danmaku
Similar to the ghost sisters expect way more incompetent.

>>38446790
Theme would be some kind of happy rock music.
Danmaku is music notes and fireworks with pulsating strobe lights that speed up or intensify with the rythem of the theme or him switching from boom box to electric guitar.
Periodically you get strafe by the his fairy friends or maybe have youkai like Koishi and Kokoro dancing.

>>38446790
Theme: Some over the top rock, like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tlu1ZfYr6vA&ab_channel=AndrewW.K.-Topic

Danmaku: thrown beer bottles that explode into glass shards at the bottom of the screen, tossed cigaretes, sound waves or notes coming from the electric guitar. Have fairies show up as dancers and Mystia with Kyouko as back up singers

>>38434840
I have a feeling that Sukia, Yuugi, Flan and other such characters would like him while others like Kasan, Eiki and Yachie would not like him.
He gives off a love him or hate him vibe.

>>38449298
I don't think Kasan or Eiki would dislike him, rather they would lecture him for hours about morals, society, politeness, the laws etc.

>You are stuck in Gensokyo.
>Reimu can't send you back.
>You want to go back.
How would you go about returning? Would you try to use Hell as a traveling route?

>>38449973
Kasan or Eiki would do that and maybe even check up on him to see how much he's learned.
Reimu would most likely drink with him especially if he has some kind of liquor or beer with him.

I'd try and find a weak youkai I could beat and eat them
Either I die from poison or power up, if I do power up I just continue until I'm powerful enough to stay safe.

>>38436078
"Ew, what's an outsider scrub doing in my isekai fantasy? I'm the sole protagonist here!"

>>38450563
Just rape Sumireko to establish dominance.

>>38442628
Then she grabs you by the collar, slugs you and dumps you in the village like a sack of potatoes.

>>38450601
Anon still lives so it's still a win for him

>>38450601
No. She would be amused enough that she would give you one free hit. Then she would grab you by the collar, slug you, and dump you in the human village like a sack of potatoes.

Mokou honestly seems like she would admire that spirit just enough that the eventual disappointment of you actually trying would piss her off more than you simply trying to eat her liver.

>>38450405
You could eat corpses from the village and turn into a Jikininki.

>>38450662
>Eat corpes from the village.
That sounds like a good way to get lynched.

Why eat Mokou's liver when you can instead grope her from behind when she least expects it? Either way you'll get clocked but at least you can fluster her.

>>38450775
>Implying she can't matrix dodge groping attempts
She's been at this game for a few thousand years. If you can actually touch her she'll probably fuck you on the spot.

>>38428960
skills like maths would be mostly useless, but i know a great deal about mythology (being a passionate romanticist) and can work hard
grind money in the human village to
buy various performance enhancing drugs at eientei in order to increase my power up to yokai levels
residence at the SDM (muh blueblood direct descendant male heir) (hopefully i get spirited away with my ancestral sword (and some armor))
ill donate to the hakurei shrine and tell yukari i have no intention of disrupting the balance of gensokyo, maybe working to keep it safe eventually
in my time off id write a book for anons on each character, the information gained through individual interviews whose events end up being a spinoff (gag) manga
have children with whoever manages to fit 7 inches while being 19th century japanese woman sized (probably tenshi for obvious reasons)
when i die id just practice swordsmanship with youmu if i dont end up achieving enlightenment

>>38450662
I don't wanna do that
The humans have enough to worry about

Test

>>38450153
Try to get on Yukari's good side

>>38451387
Was your test successful, did you cross the barrier?

If Yukari tries to eat you, just pray to Okina really hard. Maybe she'll care enough just to fuck with Yukari.
Captcha doesn't lie.

My plans will be:
A: infiltrate the Buddhist temple to try and get into Murasa or Shou's pants

B: I'd introduce Magic The Gathering or Yu-Gi-Oh to Gensokyo and watch the potential chaos from afar

C: I immediately go to the Garden of The Sun and peek at Yuuka bathing. I'll either die, get raped, both of those or it'll be consenting vanilla that ends with my pelvis crushed

Realistically, I think I'll go for B

>>38435832
Do you have a naked body fit for a yokai?

>>38443925
Huh, would that even work? at least in hell radiation doesn't seem to be a problem.
I mean wouldn't okuu generate like a lot of radiation in just one danmaku battle?
Maybe radiation only affects humans or something.

>>38450635
>she would give you one free hit
Not dying of old age is alright, but having the second hit of the elixir would be immunity to disease as well. 3 is just asking for trouble.

>>38428960
Assuming I can't be sent back for mysterious reasons, it's basically high time to learn Japanese for once.
At the very least I should be able to communicate with the Magicians, Marisa specifically has learned multiple languages so it's kind of a no brainer to talk to them if I can't find someone else in the vicinity of the human village to help me out.
At the very least being basically forced to live out in the boonies might actually force me to git gud.
In fact that's probably what I'll do. I'll reject living directly in the human village to go through a trial by fire, I'll probably die trying but honestly I think I vibe better with the youkai trying to chomp me compared to the local old men.
I don't really give a shit about potential power as long as I have fun with my potential death.

>>38430669
How would she know your whereabouts once you fashion your tin-foil hat to block out her powers?
That would totally work for someone like Satori at least right?

>>38443925
I've had this idea for so long. I've even been planning out how the incident would go and thinking up characters that would show up.
It'd be fucking sweet let me tell you.

>>38428960
If I'm someone that gets dumped in the middle of scenic nowhere, as most outsiders are, I'm probably good as dead to the nearest youkai.
The most I can hope for in a scenario that isn't miraculous is that the one that finds me can read my death-accepting body language and make it quick and painless. I know why I'm there and they know what I'm good for, it doesn't need to be fancied up, and there's no way in hell I'm outrunning someone that's objectively physically superior to me in just about every way.
Other than that, in the event I do reach the village, basically fuck around with knowing absolutely no Japanese until someone that speaks English can figure out my deal, assuming I don't get booted out due to compatibility issues and that loops around to the "imminent death by youkai" ending. From there, it's all too likely I'll be put to standard physical labor, as the vast majority of villagers are, and go about incredibly mundane living with sporadic cases of curious minds wanting to know about the outside world, more specifically western culture. Pretty unlikely I'll mesh the greatest in the long run, but the hard work for the benefit of others in exchange for nothing more than essential living's bound to get somewhere, particularly if any extra earned beyond the annual requirements is charitably given to those in need. A normal-ass like me doesn't offer much to the table beyond that fact, nor is it even remotely likely I'll have any chance encounters that give me any sort of power, relevancy or greater living. Hell, I'd be lucky to even get anything with any 2hus, even a simple greeting exchange.
Best case scenario at death's door with Gensokyo, now knowing the afterlives are all very real, I either find my eternal respite or achieve reincarnation into something more favorable wherever place the next life is.

>>38443925
>>38454846
Dunno why "dude nuke gensokyo lmao" gets brought up so much. Even beyond the difficulty of getting a nuke there, if a scrub like the fortune teller can practice divination, then the sages of gensokyo would be able to predict a sudden catastrophe like a nuke detonating.
After that, you'd be stopped easily once things are investigated more, and then you'd just get taken out in the most embarrassing way they could think of at the moment.

>>38455414
While the plan itself is highly unlikely to work, I also don't think there's much of a case that the high tiers bother with divination, given how many incidents otherwise likely wouldn't have happened in the first place.

>>38454846
>>38443925
That'd make a great Zounose doujin

>>38455414
Maybe the sages want a small part of Gensokyo to be nuked did you ever think about that?

>>38453944
I meant it more as in "She would let you punch her once".

>>38428960
Rape all 2hus in sight

>>38458137
Congratulations, you are now dead. Do you have any regrets dying a virgin?

>>38458169
At least I died doing what I loved

>>38458253
Respectable, I hope you are reborn as a pig in the next life so you can continue the coomer dream

>>38458137
Get raped by all 2hus in sight.

>>38463920
Your terms are acceptable

>>38464149
Holy shit i want this so badly.

>>38458169
>Dying a virgin
Just start off with Akyuu and Kosuzu. After that, you can move on to people that might actually kill you.

I'd go bother Meiling while she's watching the gate every day.

>>38428960
>what would you do?
After reading this thread I've decided that intercepting and assassinating other isekai'd /jp/ies would be the best option. What lame posts, ew.
I'd probably strike deals with smart gourmet youka saying how meat of certain outsiders tastes incredible (but not mine).
Thankfully I know nihongo just well enough to pull it off without relying on interpreters.

>>38464836
If I manage to rape every single 2hu, what do I get?

>>38466412
The clap

>>38428960
My nihongo isn't good enough to be able to participate in society so I'll just try to fist fight a youkai then die.

>>38466412
You ascend to godhood.

>>38465354
I would say "That's a terrible idea". But Meiling is well natured enough she would probably tolerate you. She would probably start training you as a martial artists though.

They always say 'nuke Gensokyo' but you know what I never see anything about? What it would be like for a Gensokyan to discover the outside world destroyed itself in a global nuclear war. What shreds of humans are left behind would be easy pickings. Imagine Reimu and Marisa curiously coming upon Yukari watching the end of our world one day through a gap and then getting curious enough to want to step out and see for themselves, so Yukari gives them gas masks and matching hazmat suits in their colors for them to explore the apocalypse for just a little while.

>>38428960
I would abuse meta knowledge and pray to every historical religious deity I can remember and acquire insane amounts of power level

>>38467839
I actually had a pretty detailed fanfic idea about a Touhou X Fallout crossover with that very premise.

>>38468010
Post it

>>38467769
>I'll just try to fist fight a youkai
Why fight? Just try and fist them instead

>>38468031
The idea? Sure, what I can remember anyway.

It's pretty heavily inspired by Fallout New Vegas. The basic idea is that Reimu is found frozen by a few scavengers in post apocalyptic Japan. She can't remember much of what happened that resulted in her getting frozen, but does remember what happened in most of the actual games/manga. She sets out to return to Gensokyo, which was spared from the nuclear holocaust (At the cost of the Hakurei Barrier breaking) and is therefore a oasis of fertile and lush land in the wasteland.

As she travels across the land she quickly teams up with both Marisa and Sakuya, who are both still alive for reasons, and gets involved in several adventures and struggles with local factions. Specifically the two dominant factions of post apocalyptic Japan, one a pro human faction led by the descendants of the human villagers and the other a pro youkai faction led by Rumia, Mystia, and Wriggle. All way older and WAY more powerful, obviously.

Eventually she would arrive in Gensokyo and meet up with Yukari, who is essentially Mr House. Protecting Gensokyo from the Nuclear missiles basically fucked up her body beyond repair and she's now just a face on a tv screen ordering around familiars. She's mellowed out considerably and generally regrets her past actions, trying to create a lasting peace between Youkai and Humans. Reimu is at first reluctant to team up with her, but when she eventually discovers that the reason she ended up frozen is because she ran away from her responsibility as a Hakurei Shrine Maidens, which also caused Gensokyo to basically collapse after Yukari was out of the picture, she decides to team up. The rest of the story is basically just Reimu going around making alliances with factions for a decisive battle at Youkai mountain.

The idea is old as shit, and based Ten desires era lore. If I were to actually write it down, and I have no plan to do so, I would probably give characters like Kasen, Okina, and Hecatia something to do.

>>38429015

I, too, would consider being a prostitute for fairies.

>>38468637
Wonder if Gensokyo has prostitutes. Human village is big enough that you would expect at least somewhat of a red light district.

>>38444744
where is this from? i've seen this artist's works a few times before but can never actually find them.

>>38468734
I'm pretty sure Sannyo is the head mistress of a Yūkaku.
Oiran and Yūjō galore.

>>38468734
There is no need for Prostitutes when you have Fairies and weaker Youkai flying around everywhere.

>>38467820
>She would probably start training you as a martial artists though.
Is this supposed to be a bad thing?

I'm just going to list off the qualities of some 2hu factions and if anon becomes an outsider it can be used as a guideline
Hakurei Shrine - going here is one of your best bets on being safe for the first day of being an outsider. Reimu won't kill you as long as you don't break rules. You can't do anything of use here though, and would probably need to move elsewhere at some point.
SDM - Despite the inherent bloodthirst of the residents, it's been mentioned that Remi and co. are actually pretty hospitable and invite people inside the mansion all the time for parties and shit. It probably wouldn't be that hard to sign up as a servant, but not only would you be a wagie, the worst part is that you'd be subject to Remilia's whims.
And you'd need to avoid Flan as much as possible.
Human Village - #1 spot of safety and opportunity. Youkai won't come after you here and there's lots of things you could do here depending on your skillset. You could just be a server in Miyoi's place, who knows.
Hakugyokurou - Good luck getting there. If you can, it's hard to tell how dangerous the netherworld is, but you might be able to work as a gardener. Yuyuko's one of the chillest 2hus in existence.
Eientei - You're a human. You're inferior, and not welcome. In terms of not being killed it's a pretty decent place to be, but you can't do anything for them. You might be able to become a medicine seller, but I highly doubt they'd take humans for hire.
Also, good luck getting there.
Kourindou - You'd be safe with kourin, but youkai are outside of his shop constantly. You might get blindsided.
Road of Liminality - Pretty dangerous, but it's been mentioned humans walk there too sometimes. You might be able to set up a stall there, and hopefully get enough positive reputation that random youkai won't kill you.
Youkai Mountain - You're dead. Use the walkway or the tram to Moriya. Go anywhere else and you're dead.
Moriya Shrine - You'd be a follower of their faith, and that's really the only thing you could do there. The gods will probably grant you some blessing, and this'll probably help you survive living in Gensokyo.
Underground - You're dead.
Myouren Temple - I believe they accept humans as followers, but they won't do anything for you unlike Moriya since you're not youkai and they don't have gods.
Senkai - If you manage to get here you're in one of the safest areas in 2hu for a human. If you want to follow the path to hermit, get ready for meticulous training everyday.
Shining Needle Castle - I don't even know anything about this place. It's probably pretty deserted, since Shimmy is the only one of her race left.
Think that's everything that's possible for a human to get into as an outsider.

>>38476998
Something to note is that the Scarlet Devil Mansion is like the only place with people that understand English.

I always found that kind of weird how that Yukari didn't manipulate the boundary between languages in Gensokyo or something so everyone seems to speak the same language. Forbidden Scrollery proved that there is nothing in place like that though.
She gaps people from all over the world and yet most people wouldn't be able to feasibly live in Gensokyo. Gensokyo as a human is bad enough but imagine how miserable your life would be if you're all alone, not being able to even talk to anyone else or understand anything.

>>38428960
Seek out Flan

>>38475934
It would be insanely rough training from hell. Otherwise, I guess there are worse ways to spend item.

>>38476998
I would also add in the case of Senkai that Miko seems to basically just be using the place as as scam. At best she's looking to pick up whoever she thinks is worth taking and leave the rest behind. So, even if you want to become a hermit, there are better places to do so.

I also doubt she would have much interest in a outsider as long as leaving is still a option for you. She would probably just tell you that you are a fool for staying and should go home asap, even if she takes a liking to you.

>>38477499
>She gaps people from all over the world
To be fair, I don't think that's actually ever been confirmed. It makes sense in my head, but in theory she could just abduct people from Japan and only Japan.

If nothing else I imagine religious people are safe. Last thing Yukari wants is to draw the ire of a major god towards Gensokyo.

>>38428960
Get really happy realizing magic and fantasy creatures exists.
Then shit my pants afterwards realizing how screwed I am.
And if I get to the human village suffering for not knowing japanese.

>>38429102
Imagine going to the depths of hell, having some epic quest filled with hardships just to get eaten by a goat. I wonder how the goat would react tho.

>>38468751
Zeno/Jeno

>>38428960
I've got some real Knight's Armour and Weaponry in my Home that my Grampa recently made (it's his hobby). I'll take those and go around Gensokyo Questing like a Knights in those Fantasy Book and die horribly by the Hands of some Youkai or my stupidity.

>>38483426
Gensokyo works on autism and made up nonsense, chances are if you run around with swords, armor and shit you'll get pretty far, specially compared to someone using, say, real modern weapons.

>>38429150
>technically some count vampires as undead.
But isn't that part of the definition of being a vampire?

>>38483569
not that anon but from what your saying, the dagger my great grandpa took off of a Japanese soldier during WW2 would carry me far if it came with me?

>>38484175
I keep wondering if things like ww2 items will essentially become artifacts with magical properties by Gensokyo's rules since ww2 itself is basically legendary in its cultural status.

>>38428960
I'd rush to either Rinnosuke's, Reimu's, or Marisa's place in hope of asylum and eventually learning to survive in the land of man eating youkai and fickle gods. Offer manual labor and my high grade culinary skills as starting leverage.

>>38429500
>Youkai friends would never turn on me!
You seriously believe this don't you. That's hilarious.

I would have sex.

>>38484499
If you can't have sex in real life, why would you think you can do it in Gensokyo?

>>38487787
There's nobody to have sex with in real life.

>>38429084
Implying village people with large strong communities that rise and go to bed with the sun, and "karoshi" if even heard of, is just one more reason on a long list so stay behind the barrier, would even have even one suicide every decade.

>>38428960
T. Anon has no fucking Idea how rural village people think.

>>38487787
Keep asking the hard questions.

>>38458137
KIll yourself with your crossboarder memes

>>38490384
I don't have any other hard questions.

>>38488020
Now that I think about it since there is canonically only one human village in Gensokyo there must be a lot of incest taking place

>>38498563
Huh. Now I know why pre-industrial people are so concerned with lineage. If your whole village is mostly isolated, you'd need to know damn well who your kissing cousins are.

>>38498545
To be fair, it is a very difficult question.

>>38498563
>canonically only one human village
Pretty sure there's technically no mention of it as the "only" human settlement, just that it's the only one ever mentioned.

It's like X century but with monsters around that can kill you at any time, no thanks.

Reimu and Marisa decide to travel to Outside World but end up in Russia... A new incident?!

>>38505325
>авто с пробегом
Just like the cosplayers, ha

>>38507608
Rude. I'm sure they are some lovely men

Attempt to become Gensokyo’s Diogenes. I live in a hut made out of sticks and walk around masturbating while yelling my schizophrenic delusions in a mixture of English, random Finnish curse words and the two languages I invented. Probably would end up trying to molest one of the fairies too

>>38508480
Nice, if you could speak Japanese, what would you do?

>>38508545
Of course, the exact same thing but with Japanese added to the list of languages.

Forgot to mention but would probably die from committing seppuku via a sharpened stick in an attempt to mimic the Buddhist monks self immolation or some equally retarded death

>>38508635
As Diogenes of Gensokyo shouldn't you also go around and poke holes in the Ideologies and believes of Gensokyou's residents?

>>38508686
Yes the Diogenes of Gensokyo would deny the existence of gods and youkai alike. No faith. No beliefs. No religion

>>38508686
>>38508820
That would be happening if they could understand me. Alas, I will have to settle for calling the youkai spooks and glowies as if they know what the fuck either of those words mean

Die probably. Unless I can get to the human village before being eviscerated by some youkai. In the event of actually reaching the human village I would then do nothing and become homeless because AFIAK few if any characters know English and i sure as hell don't know enough Japanese to get a job.

>>38490512
+15 secret club karma points!

>>38510135
Yeah the language barrier is going to be a big problem for any non Japanese Person who lands in Gensokyo

>>38516994
Alice, Letty and Lily can speak English cause they're European

>>38517068
Would Mystia speak German then? Her surname is from a German poem.

>>38517068
All fairies are European.

>>38517068
It's much more likely for them to know French than anything. Alice is called the doll maker of Buchuresti but has an English surname so who knows (as far as I can tell the name is a reference to an Agatha Christie story and its doubtful ZUN knew about some random English noble family)

>>38517289
Did the Sages import them or something?

>>38502225
I always wondered who the merchants and trader were trading with. I assumed that the human village was just the largest/most relevant human settlement and that there were other (non-human) villages throughout Gensokyo.

>>38521534
I think there is a Fox village somewhere out there.

>>38521534
Tengu society seems like it would be a big place.

I'd spend years devising a plan to kidnap Kaguya

>>38525235
Why her specifically?

>>38526282
Because anon is an ogre and she's a princess.

(Or he just want a infinite organ harvest until the rabbits find him)

>>38527041
What's even the point? Eirin is probably the only one there with enough know-how to do an organ transplant, and she would recognize Kaguya's organs by now, and get her back.

>>38521534
I assumed they trade with Youkai. If there where other human settlements I feel they would have been mentioned somewhat.

Hell, according to whale comic even the human villagers are aware almost nobody lives outside the human village in Gensokyo.

>>38428960
I would try to become a youkai whose whole stichk is fairness and being completely unbiased, with a theme of coins and change. I'd stop humans traveling on roads and force them into my game where I tell them to call the heads or tails of my coin before flipping it. Heads, they die and become sustenance. Tails, they live and get to go on, and I suffer from lack of feeding off human flesh or fear a while longer because fair is fair. If I have any danmaku, I would call them by names like 'Pennies', 'Dimes', 'Nickles' and so on.

>>38531152
Your game doesn't seem fair unless the human gets to kill and eat you if they win.

>>38531152
Exterminated by Reimu day one

>>38531185
> A Human eating a Youkai
Is that even allowed?

I don't know about allowed, but someone must have tried eating mermaid before.

>>38531368
don't know but his anon >>38450405 already plans on trying

>>38531152
The jew youkai

>>38531152
That's the most autistic thing I've heard all day but also I think you're fucking cool as hell, anon. I hope you the best of luck if you go to Gensokyo

>>38517289
Cockney Cirno confirmed

>>38531152
that's not how any of this works
enjoy being stabbed by a peasant after you try to explain your "win and u walk away lose and I kill u" coin game
at least the poor farmer that takes you out will probably win at having the best story about retarded outsiders when they're at the bar with their buddies

>>38531152
with a giant hooked nose and claws

>>38531152
Spell Card: Catastrophic Copper Storm

>>38547777

what happens if you go to heaven as an outsider?

>>38428960
Is this the most accurate map of Gensokyo there is? I'm trying to educate myself as much as possible about Gensokyo lore. I've been juggling fanfic ideas for a while now.

>>38562085
If you want the most accurate map of Gensokyo use this one

https://www.planetminecraft.com/project/touhou-gensokyo/

>>38562115
Thanks.

>>38517122
Many people in the west have german surnames. Doesn't mean they speak german.

>>38477810
Time is an item, that's deep.