/jp/ - Otaku Culture

We're going backyard-rules guys.

5 count. On the ground. Loss.

>>31736482
By no holds barred do you mean they can use magic/weapons?

Maybe the Star Sapphire / Sunny Milk / Luna Child but that's it

>>31736557
No weapons, except what usually ends up in the ring(Chairs, wood, and bottles). They can use magic, but don't let that discourage you. Use your head.

Will Smith didn't defeat the aliens and independence day through sheer force. We had to think of how to fuck up the Blob in the cult classic The Blob.


Use your noggin man.

Your families in the crowd watching you. All your school teachers are in the front row.

>>31736644
Come on. Are you really just going to call it that easily?

The Hussites managed Battle Of Vitkov Hill. Put your brain into this.

>>31736482
Not gonna lie, gachi-style wrestling with the 2hus would be really fun. I'd probably beat Satori and Alice and get my ass handed to me by someone like Yuugi, or Yuuka.

>>31736644
Don't forget Akyuu and Kosuzu.

>>31736720
They had access to a lot more stuff and weren't trapped in a ring.

>>31736922
>I'd probably beat Satori and Alice

I might give you Alice man, but she is a strategic savant even in the heat of combat, and we don't know the full extent of her magic beyond, like; dolls and some perception shit really(I think).Ok, I'll give you that, but Satori.

Remember that one dude from Season 3(Was it 4) of Yu Yu Hakusho? Dude could read minds and fucked on Dark Child. The only reason The Yusman fucked on him was cause of his magic super strength.

I'm saying Satori could read minds man. She's got mind magic, and she can copy moves.

I don't care how tiny she is man. She might fuck on you.

I don't know. If you were quick with the psychic gambits, you might trick someone like Cirno, but Satori? Nah dude. I'd gift you my left nut in formaldehyde as a trophy if you could pull it off.

>>31737057
Okay. Standard ring size.


20x20 feet. No flying.

Leaving the ring is an instant ring out.

>>31736482
I don't know. I'd have to break them into strength tiers.
I'd have to work more on my core to stand a chance against Rinnou since that would be evenly matched weight to weight, height to height. A half youkai is about as good as any human will be able to achieve victory against.
A weaker youkai would be less of a thread, like Mystia, but you never know just going on brute strength which wrestling primarily is.

Since Yu Yu Hakusho has been mentioned, why don't we spice this up a bit.

What characters in the cast of Touhou could defeat a Tag Team of a fully inebriated Drunken Master Jackie Chan with younger Toguros powers and Enter the Dragon Bruce Lee with Elder Toguros powers.

I'm actually not fucking around with this one. I thing the Scarlet Sisters could handle them no question.

Vampiric physiology, experience, full-on destruction power, and tons of op abilities. Thinking about it, I don't even know why I'm mentioning such an obvious curb stomp .

>>31737537
You do have a point. Satori could probably bully me for quite some time, but if I manage to endure that and not lose, the moment I grab her, it's over. I would go full graeco-roman and hold her down.

>>31738957
Yeah, but Flan doesn't even need to step in the ring because it's game over for them.

>>31739420
And yes, I have seen all of YYH.

>>31739420
That's the point. Fight's over before it even starts, but even without her fancy death power I still think they'd fuck Jackie/Bruce Toguro up.

>>31739410
What are your physical stats?

I'd imagine you're a grown man so you'd control in a full grapple situation, as Satori has no documented skills in hand-to-hand combat, but that mind reading/hypnosis just seems ridiculous.

>>31736482
Would Minoriko be the first real filter for challenging /jp/sies between the hopelessly weak (Akyuu, Kosuzu, Aki, Kogasa) and those that actually stand a chance at beating anon? She's a goddess of labor after all.

I really hope this thread's still up when I get back from work.

I actually want to start analyzing Touhou wrestling stats.

Also this gave me an idea for a tabletop RPG that I'll now make. Touhou: A Futuristic Professional Norse Wrestling RPG(I'm serious and there are reasons for the title.).

Is there a /jp/er who thinks they can handle Hong Meiling ono-on-one? I'd think not, but you never know. Mind games are legal.

>>31740190
Just do it in GURPS.

>>31740319
Not good enough, but I will probably go through it for mechanical inspiration maybe.

I have to do this all vanilla.

>>31736482
probably all the human ones since I am more powerful than women and exercise.
But I don't know how much stronger the other species are to humans.

my body is ready

>>31743171
>Suika...

Good fucking luck friendo.

>>31739972
>Minoriko

What if she holds Gensokyos harvests ransom, and people are watching this? Do you really have the balls to give her the 5 count?

How many people on /jp/ could do this?

Kosuzu, Aki, and Kogasa would be easy peesy, unless one /jp/er really wasn't expecting Kogasa to surprise them in a real face-to-face match, fell on there ass, hurt their tailbone real bad, which would lead to Kogasa sitting on them for a 5 count. Completely feasible.

Akyuu with preparation though. If she studied grappling martial arts, could possibly annihilate some /jp/ers. Which reminds me of this 5'5 Asian girl from my middle school who took Judo or something who on the day we had mixed wrestling in gym completely shat on everyone to the point where a few guys made excuses to not get on the mat with her to retain their dignity. Big things can come in small packages, but vanilla Akyuu wouldn't be a big deal.

>>31740906
Are you implying you could best any human female in combat? Even then, stronger than human women? Like, all of them in existence? I call bullshit mate.

I find no reason to not believe you're probably in good shape and could handle a good amount human Touhous in the ring, but I've seen some she-beasts in my life.

could i let them beat me up?

>>31750220
why did i post this

>>31750258
Dunno, but I saved it.

>>31748771
>Kogasa sitting on them
I wouldn't mind

>>31749030
Meiling is a youkai tho

>>31740190
China-chan would be in the top tier if magic wasn't allowed, since she gets challenges from the Village's martial artists on a regular basis; it would be pretty much business as usual for her. Any mind games you could hope to trick her with with what's available in the ring she's probably already seen a hundred times before.

>>31736482
I could easily beat up a fairy, maybe even two. Three would be pushing it.

>>31736482
To figure out how well you'd do, give yourself a quick test.
If you can take two rounds of .380 ACP before you fall unconscious, you could beat Marisa.

Could probably beat up futo

>>31755662
I can take five fairies at the same time, no sweat. Six is where the trouble starts.

>>31755835
>two rounds of .380 ACP
How painful are they?

>>31757310
Small diameter and low power, but enough to shoot through a person or a front door.

>>31756214
I'm going into this assuming that all of you are probably grown men.

I want you to explain to us how you could 5-count Futo.

None of them

>>31756579
Alright, but what if Cirno is among these fairies? If so how would you strategically outsmart her? Explain how you would.

The more interesting question is, would the hololive girls be able to beat the shit out of the touhou girls? I think they could do it easily.

Is there a yukkuri that could realistically defeat a kanmari?

>>31761297
I know next to nothing about the Hololive girls; I'm all Touhou all day. What skills do they possess that would make this question worth asking? I'm genuinely curious.

>>31761133
Cirno's biggest weakness is that she never wears panties!

>>31756579
That's like taking on 5 or 6 kindergartners! Surely a strong adult human male could take on more than that..

>>31761980
10 fairies then?

>>31736482
I think I could win against patchouli if she isn't allowed to use magic.

>>31762196
Give yourself some credit anon. You have all the psychological tools at your disposal for tricks and fake outs.

>>31762158
I think that's probably closer to the right number, although it depends on the fairies. 10 run-of-the-mill fairies should be doable but some of the more powerful fairies might be impossible.

>>31762196
Your only option would be to use the dick.
2hus are too strong for you.

>>31762975

Roughly how many /jp/ers would it take to pin down Yuugi?

>>31763848
How many would it take to even pin down Reimu?
A pile of a hundred skeletons couldn't crush her.
I'd venture that the number of anons required to weigh down an oni wouldn't be able to occupy the necessary volume, let alone surface area.
The superior strategy is to make a ball of anons a dozen deep and vibrate intensely to cook her.

>>31739972
Minoriko could easily pin any /jp/ NEET with her fat ass weight.

>>31736482
Sanae would be easy to defeat.
Sumireko would cheat with psychic powers and fling me.
Youmu is decent win for me since although she is rather strong, she'd lack technique. Her short stature is an advantage for her, however since I'd only be around ~50 pounds heavier.
Marisa I could defeat with difficulty and probably a concussion.
Reimu uses her floating and becomes functionally unbeatable because she gets frustrated over being unable to physically overpower me without magic. I cannot beat her even without her using it though, despite the strength and weight difference.
Sakuya is an extremely difficult fight where I'd have a 6/10 chance of winning. This assumes she plays by the rules and doesn't use stuff like knives. Even with time stop I think I could win because of the strength and weight advantage, although her general physical fitness and combat skill far surpasses my own. I may have wrestled for six years, but that was a while ago, and she'd fight dirty. So long as she doesn't pull a spacejin or a timestop chokeout/gutjab/headpunch/etc, this is a fun, challenging fight. Her raw speed is the biggest issue, but I'm slow and defensive so I could probably slog my way through.
Aya is a harder fight. 4/10 chance for me to win. She's too damn fast and has youkai strength probably on par with me, but it's her pure mobility that makes this so hard. I might be flexible, but I don't think I could grab her. She'd probably sprint behind me, do a headlock and throw me, then do something like whack my head to keep me down.
Cirno is ez but probably accidentally kills me when the match is over with an icicle out of spite.
Seija... I have no idea. Kinda afraid desu.
Reisen would fight fair, difficult win that leaves me badly injured.

>>31764566
Okay okay; but what do we know so far about oni heat resistance in the canon so far? I'd research it, but I'm too tied up at the moment.

>>31764566
Pfft.

>>31738957
Ok BUT
is Jackie Chan in a ladder factory, holding a baby while drunk on a conveyor belt? I think the odds go to him.

>>31764566
Okay. So as far as I can tell. A vibrating mass of bees can heat up to about 116 degrees Fahrenheit, a human being at the height of 182 cm is about 96 times the size of a bumble bee, however I don't think we can just multiply the temp by 96.

Yuugis spell card is noted as, "This power could burn up one or two human villages in an instant," so I think we can all agree she's probably pretty resilient to heat.

I have thought of a few ways we could win though.

If the challenge is to pin her and that's it, and if we make it easier by saying that she has to stand completely still as we try to pin her, then we could use a special tactic.

We all get stupidly drunk so that are blood vessels dilate and we begin to sweat more as a result of the increased body temp. We all mount Yuugi in a human cocoon and vibrate anyways so that we sweat more. The floor will then get slick with our sweat and the possibility of her slipping will be increased.

I don't know how ticklish Yuugi is so, I suggest that the layer closest to Yuugis body begin to tickle every inch of her relentlessly. If we find the tickle spot she might lose her footing and slip in the sweat. A few of us might be crushed to death under her, but I think it's worth it.

The Yuugi body layer would also eat and coat themselves in fried onions beans. Both Patchouli e and Yuugi verify that fried onions beans weaken oni; by how much, we don't know, but it's worth a try.

Our last line of defense would be to make wrestling gear by running holly branches through sardines and marching towards her. On the wiki it states that Akyuu claims this prevents oni from approaching. We can only pray that it also repels, but regardless we have solid tactics.

Some /jp/ers might die, but this was never an objective of survival, it was and is an objective of pinning Yuugi.

Once we accomplish this we'd be famous in Gensokyo; I guarantee you.

>>31770368
Meant to say fried onions beans.

Sorry, was too busy imagining all of this playing out.

That mistake could have cost us our pride and our lives if the other tactics failed, also holly branch through sardine heads. We don't need the whole sardine, but I think it'd make us look more striking.

>>31770528
*Onions

>>31763848
A lot, and it would still fail
It makes me laugh just thinking about it.

>>31763848
>>31770368
Bear in mind that when Yuugi does a push up, she's pushing the Earth down.

>>31739545
I'm not a big guy, but I'm healthy. Satori on the other hand is smaller and weaker. Someone mentioned Akyuu. I think I could beat her as well.

>>31781078
I think most of us could take on an unprepared Akyuu. I'm no hulking behemoth either, but I think it'd be easy enough.

>>31781078
>>31781171
A handicapped child could beat Akyuu, so the average /jp/sie should stand a fighting chance at least..

>>31736482
I could beat Kogasa by submission, grab hold of her umbrella and threaten to break it and she'll break down into tears. Honestky, the biggest threat is that you'd feel bad afterwards

>>31794226
You do know that the umbrella is just as much Kogasa as the girl is, and probably more?
It could beat you up if you stole it. Or she'd do some trick of teleporting her girl self from her real body.
Remember that she's a blacksmith and a youkai. Stronger than any normal human on that basis alone.

>>31794864
A needlesmith, that is. Not sure if that requires any considerable amount of strength.

>>31736482
All fairies are weaker than humans, and although they can use magic they will probably lose anyway because they won't take it seriously. Even Cirno will probably lose. The easiest fairy to beat is Clownpiece, because insanity makes you stronger, but the downside is you end up insane.
Patchouli is weaker than humans, and her casting can probably be disrupted by physical attacks, so she probably loses.
Marisa is canonically strong but that just means strong for a woman, so unless you're a weakling you can still win. She will likely hold back from using magic because she's not a psychopath like Reimu and won't deliberately kill you. Most likely it will be a fair fight, and Marisa will probably laugh it off so long as you don't gloat.
Sakuya is also human but she'll use magic and win at all costs.
Wakasagihime will lose if it's on dry land, but easily win in water.

>>31803593
That really seems to depend on whether they're in combat mode and using their spiritual power to augment their physical prowess.
Go try standing on your bike seat while you ride it, that's some Marisa does regularly.
Or get shot by a gun, stabbed with a knife, or hit really hard by a staff. All things the entire combat cast can just brush off.

>>31803593
Funny. I was playing with the scenario of partially submerged wrestling rings in a coliseum setting just last night.

>>31736482
Honestly? The one ones I think I could lose to are Hecatia, Okina, and maybe Eirin. Everyone else I should be able to take at my current level. The 3 I mentioned I just don't know much about and I've heard they're very strong, who knows.

>>31736482
Most of the youkai aren't realistically beatable, they all have superhuman physical prowess and/or magic that makes them unbeatable. The ones you could actually beat are Satori (mindreading doesn't matter if you can't do anything about it), Patchy (if you are fast enough to not let her use magic) and maybe Nitori (no weapons).
Aki and MInoriko are likely beatable, since they are not combat focused gods, but none of the other divinities.
All the humans except Sakuya and Reimu are easily beatable, same for the fairies, except Cirno (magic too strong).
Youmu and Rinnousuke are hard to say. Youmu doesn't have her weapons, but she's probably very strong due to being an actual warrior. Rinnousuke depends if the youkai condition applies to his physical prowess, if yes, definitely not, if no, maybe.

>>31804286
Could you beat Yuugi at your current power level, also I think Hecatias only real skill(Seeing as I can't find adequate spell card breakdowns to supplement this) is to have 3 of herself: one in the otherworld, one on earth, the other on the moon; so says her ability section on the wiki?

>>31804897
>>31804012
Isn't no powers/magic wrestling the point of this thread? Only physical power, so every Touhou except the onis, martial artists and gods could be beaten by the average /jp/sie. Ghosts like Mima and Yuyuko or giant vegetables like Tojiko I'm not sure.

>>31805259
I forgot, beast 2hus like Saki and Kagerou would destroy the average /jp/sie too.

>>31805085
Yes I don't think Hecatia is really all that difficult to beat, it's just that ZUN said she's the strongest so that needs to be considered even though she doesn't have a very intimidating skill
I've beaten Yuugi before, yes. Unfortunately I can't use my ability against her because her own ability negates it but I had enough raw strength to see it through. Was pretty challenging though have to give it to her.

>>31806290
Could you describe the fight against her?

>>31805259
"no magic" with conceptual creatures who exist on human fear seems a bit astray.
It doesn't feel right to play the cast at face value (entirely small Japanese women) when the youkai repeatedly say in the fluff works that they have to hold back in order to not kill superheroes.
Like cool, most guys could wrestle small women. Youkai aren't women.

>>31806589
>It doesn't feel right to play the cast at face value (entirely small Japanese women)
But then again, well trained small Japanese women like Sakuya could still kick /jp/'s ass without magic or tools.

>>31807193
>Sakuya could still kick /jp/'s ass without magic
She's entirely dependent on magic. Even her basic attack relies on magic to simulate mass knife-spam by stopping time and collecting them again. This means she's extremely old, possibly even millions of years old, which means she will be too confused to fight if she somehow lost her magic (assuming she doesn't just immediately drop dead).

>>31736482
>Majority of posters here don't even know the origin of this technique
Shame

>>31803593
>insanity makes you stronger
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>Patchouli ... she probably loses.
That depends on the range of magic she knows. She's been around for 100 years. I'm sure she knows of a strength spell.
>Marisa
manhandled.
>Sakuya
I don't know. That's a weird one.
>Wakasagihime
All she would have to do is pull you into the water and bearhug you until you drowned. That's just one of many things she can do. Otherwise, it's a win on land as you say.

>>31808247
Kinnikuman buster, cunt.

>>31808148
Wasn't she an ex-vampire hunter, though?

>>31794226
H-hot.

>>31807193
I want Sakuya to show me who's the boss of the gym!

>>31808148
>Take away Sakuya's watch
>She collapses

>>31831354
Implied. She'd still be able to handle herself even if you took away special "hax" abilities. At most, it would inconvenience her.

>>31774166
How does that effect the revolution of planet? Messing with the orbit isn't exactly a good thing to do.

>>31808148
Even if she suddenly ages a few million years, she's a Lunarian so it doesn't make much of a difference.

>>31870418
It does if she's tainted with impurity.

>>31870418
>Lunarian
not this fucking shit again

>>31870418
>Lunarian
She ain't no filthy moonie, anon! She's my wife.

I immediately saw something stupid when I woke up. I thought it would take longer, but nope. It happens right as I wake up.

>>31870479
Being a fairycon and a vampirecon isn't impure, so she should be fine.