/jp/ - Otaku Culture

nosebleed

How'd you know what to get for my birthday, /jp/?

I bet Patchouli fucks like a tiger, not even considering that she knows everything about sex from her library

Why is the fucking sdm staff loved by everyone and I am ignored? ~ze

>>273987

>>273999
Except she's lazy and physically weak.

>>274002
Because you treat Alice like shit da ze~

>>274002
THE TABLES HAVE TURNED, BITCH!

>>274005
HEALTHY WHERE IT COUNTS

>>274005
best sex partner for Anonymous if I do say so myself, if she isn't willing you can rape her

ze~

/r/ patchouli lovefic

>>274028
I wouldn't mind doing all the work to pleasure her, if you know what I mean.

>>274005


so is most of FOOR CHAN

>>274033
seconding this though but I don't see that many writerfags

>>274032
DOZE~

>>274033

Lesbo or with anon?

>>274057
lesbo

Hereby I humbly request a explaination why the majority of /jp/ adores Patch, even if she is a physically weak and lazy.

>>274057
With Alice

delicious spells that summon tentacles?

>>274057
holy fuck do want lesbo

>>274090
You just answered your own question.

>>274092
>With Shanghai

Fixed.

>>274090

>>273980

>>274090

For the same reason people like Yuki?

Except she's not a slut.

>>274092
with kaguya since she is a NEET? or perhaps Remilia since that sounds easier to do

>>274090
Wears glasses, is thin and fragile, a shut-in, quite cute and slightly tsundere.

>>274090

>>274135
yeah, this

How about some good old patchy masturbation with spells?

>>274135
don't forget asthma

so moe

>>274057
you are going to do it?

>>274122

How do you conclude that she is slightly tsundere?
And why does /jp/ prefer normally undesireable touhou-girls to the healthy ones ?

>>274090
see
>>273999

>>274162
but Patchouli is desirable AND healthy

>>273954

>>274162
You'd be surprised how many doujins portray her as a tsundere. Sometimes more tsuntsun, sometimes more deredere.

Also, the healthy ones are usually bitches.

>>274188
I saw that coming a mile away

>>274188
>Patchywithhat4.gif
fukken' saved!

>>274162
see
>>274172
>>274175

Tsundere's are the best!

>>274090

dumb question really.

seconding patchy lesbo or masturbation lovefic thing

>>274193

Source or didn't happen.

>>274193
You'd be surprised that most of the healthy ones in Genkyoso are pretty approachable... if you find a way to approach them.

>>274122
Don't forget her delicious long curtains of hair.

My dream is to fuck her while she ignores me and reads.

Also sleepy eyes

>>274265
mine is near the end where she can't ignore me and orgasms with me

>>274278

fuck yeah the night gown exposes all

>>274279
Fine too, but don't get ahead of yourself.

Patchy is the perfect woman

>>274265
O RLY?

>>273980
WHY HAS NOBODY MENTIONED THE PROMOTIONS

>>274330
lol'd

>>274331
silence, you'll wake up the mods.

>>274331

Because our eyes lack vitamin A

>>274331
Well technically it's not promotions since there's still clothing over top, but regardless...
FAPFAPFAPFAPFAP

>>274331
Because I already saved that picture like two years ago.

So she is:

1. lazy
2. physically weak
3. wearing glasses
4. thin and fragile
5. a shut-in
6. quite cute (every character has appealing fanart)
7. slightly tsundere
8. asthmatic
9. gifted with sleepy eyes

and thats why you like her?

You are a sick fuck.

>>274352
forgot intelligent

>>274352
You forgot she's the smartest in Gensokyo.

Also, fuck you, dog.

Pajama moe.

>>274352
MOE~ motherfucker, does it mean ANYTHING to you?

>>274352
>and thats why you like her?
By jove, I think you've got it!

>>274352
Each aspect more moe than the last.

>>274352
she's MOE~

>>274361

Dont think so.

Even her name is moe.

>>274352
>4. healthy yet fragile
fixed

I don't much care for all these Healthy Patchie's though, I like my Patchouli nice and flat(tish).

Im sitting in front of my computer, thinking about the reason why Anon prefers Patchouli to Rl girls...

...at 5.43 am...

... SO RONERY !

>>274352
>So she is:

>1. lazy
Yes, and anon can relate to that.
>2. physically weak
That means Anon would be able to nestle her and take care of her.
>3. wearing glasses
Glasses moe~, need I say more?
>4. thin and fragile
See 2. Also, hugstiem!
>5. a shut-in
Anon and Patchy can be shut-ins together, oh so romatic \(´▽`)／
>6. quite cute (every character has appealing fanart)
She's cute in a unique way.

>>274396
Blasphemy.

>>274404

I know guys that got laid in europe as exchange students that would have never gotten pussy in the US.


Try changing continents.

She has the appeal of the "Beautiful yet Incredibly Intelligent" type of girl. So moe~ ;_;

>>274417

Thats even worse, im a eurofag -.-

>>274406
>her asthma attacks
fixed before someone can quote me

Also, accordion.

>>274406
>he asthma attack would look so moe~
apparently, you don't know someone with asthma

>>274425

panchu...

time to go play EoSD on EASY MODO just to have some fun with patchy

also why the fuck isn't she a playable character in any game besides IaMP?

she fucking better be in 11 probably will be in SWR though

>>274425

Don't understand that one.

>>274422
That's a shame, but don't give up hope! You can still change your hikkikomori ways!

> -.-

Also, please stop that sir. I don't think that type of behavior is welcomed here.

Anon loves bookworms.
I can name Patchu, Kotomi and Yuki right now, but I'm sure I'm forgetting someone.

>>274352

>>274425
I wish to be the accordion.

>>274431
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYzF4fN03_c

>>274431
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IOjcg8HKsQ

>>274431

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9IOjcg8HKsQ

>>274429
Her health is poor, so, well, I don't even know how she joined a fighting game.

>>274441
>>274442
>>274449
OH GOD PATCHY'S VOICE IS HOT

>>274425
I came buckets to her breathy voice.

>>274262
Why is Sakuya there?

>>274461
China playing the accordion is kind of cool too...
;_;

JAAAOOOOOOOOOOO~~!!

Asthma attacks are fucking painful, I think I have them but I haven't been checked for asthma

>>274530
If you see Patchy having an asthma attack you could help support her, so moe~ ;_;
>>274490
Pads

魔理沙が好きだ

>>274411

oh lawd I just fapped to patchy then about 10 minutes later I had to take a piss and it felt better than when I came

>>274558
wat

>>274558

>>274550
mai waifu is sick ;_;

>>274551
sauce?

What books would she read? I think that Stendhal and Borges somewhat match her style.

BOOK READING STOP!!

>>274566
No, MAI waifu is sick! ;_;

>>274647
aww

>>274558

>>274647
>>274571
>>274550
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

>>274573
>>274551
>>274411
Don't suppose anyone knows the doujin or the artist for these? fapfapfap

>>274694

>>274720

http://kanaria.itbdns.com/~jema/

I don't think the doujins are scanned yet

>>274738
>>274742
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGARBLEGLAERBLEBARGL- Carrier lost.

>>274739
Thanks, anon.

>>274742
PENIS

>>274754

>>274760
once more, i wish to be the little pillow

>>274760
>>274774
HNNNNNNNNN oh thank god oh lord that was fucking painful I thought I was gonn-HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

>>274774

Tonberrypatchu

>>274789

>>274774
sage for tonberryk-

Oh.

Ok that's fine.

>>274820
I lost a life.

>>274820
PLEASE STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MY NUTBLADDER CAN'T TAKE ANY M-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

>>274837

>>274861
so moe!


Also why does Patchy suck in Patchcon?

>>274861
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Tell my children... I was... a good man...
Oh wait... I have no children... god damni......

>>274879
Apart of your units, yes.
Apart of the enemy units, fuck NO. Fucking aoe that takes nearly 1/7 of an equal level unit's health = DO NOT WANT

I loved patchy before this thread, but I love her a whole lot more now.

SO MOEEEEE~ ;_;

FUUUUUUCK
I CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO PATCHY ANYMORE

I FUCKING HATE HAVING NO VISIBLE HITBOX

>>274904
And you were on EASY MODO?

>>274892
not following you here, apart? I need some strategies and terms here

>>274916
Like, if you chose her as one of your units, she sucks because she dies so easily. But if she's attacking your units as one of the waves, she can wipe you out in less than 3 seconds if you don't micromanage like a maniac.

>>274922
stop sending in bomber units on the front line

>>274922
Bombers typically suck anyway. The only exception is Yuyuko.

>>274931
Yeah obviously, but with fast waves like youmu whatever they'll eventually get hit and die easily. Even if I put some melee units in front, her range is also so short that she has to get closer.

>>274910
normal

>>274944
oh, I thought you were >>274429

>>274938

This is my favorite use of spoiler tags.

The only unit in patchcon is Reisen, no exceptions.

>>274938
PROMOTIONS!

>>274945
I am but I decided to not be a pussy and go normal

>>274953
If they're so proud of me, why are they laughing? ;_;

>>274962
Ah I see.

>>274954
she sucks, I use Sakuya


>>274953
why are you laughing then?

>>274969
>she sucks
EHHHHH?!

Patchy is better because MUKYUU.

Patchu loves Freeza

>>274983
mukyuu?

Queen of Moe ;_;

>>274932
>Bombers typically suck anyway.
Totally disagree. When I get to later stages on unlimited time mass bombers are the only thing that kills stuff fast enough to keep me from getting overwhelmed.

Just use Reisen (or Sakuya supposedly...) and enjoy your easy modo, even on lunatic.

>>274983
Is there a story behind why she says mukyu?

Gentlemen, I like Patchy.
Gentlemen, I love Patchy.

>>274775

needs a patchy masturbation or lesbo copypasta

How has no one posted "Smells Like Patchu.jpg" yet?

I would have but I can't fucking remember what doujin it's from.

>>275017
wouldn't that her back alot?

>>275025
I'd her back a lot.

>>275025
>>275046
You can't just verbs from your sentences.

So moe I fucking withered.

anyone have suitable patchy desktop?

>>275008
is there a source behind this pic?

>>275107

>>275123
one with no animal ears

time to go try endless normal.

I'll go with any team you guys tell me to go with, it just has to have Patchy though

this thread


tl;dr Patchouli is perfect woman,so moe it fucking hurts

>>274368
Oh god, even her kleenex box has laces and ribbons!

>>275358
For a memnt I thought you said
>Oh god, even her kleenex bow has lasers and robins!

I fucking love you guys. My Patchy folder is now bigger.

Bobba

>>275020

First time writing an h fic so don't kill me if it's unfappable.

“Hey Patch, watcha readin’?”

Alice tried to read the title of the book, but the light in the library was too weak to make out the words.

“Um, it’s a book about human physiology,” Patchouli said quietly, peering over the top of the book at her friend.

“Is it any good?”

“Ah, it’s… interesting. Um, Alice, since we both have human-shaped bodies, um, well, would you like to…” Patchouli mumbled.

“Sorry, what was that?” Alice asked, leaning closer to her friend.

Say, are h stories allowed on worksafe boards?

“First, we have to take off our clothes…” Patchouli said, slipping off her pajamas. Her smooth ivory skin shone in the candlelight.

Alice was speechless.

“Um, do you need help with your dress, Alice?”

“Wha? Ah, yeah, sure…”

Patchouli stepped behind Alice and undid her dress. It fell from her shoulders and slipped off her body to land in a heap around her boots. Alice looked at her slender body in the low light. She wasn’t as curvy as Patchouli, probably because she was more active.

“What’s next, Patch?”

“Um, you’ll need to lie down on your back. There’s a bed over there…”

Patchouli began to get excited upon seeing her friend, clad in only her undergarments, lying on her bed like that. So excited, that her asthma acted up and she had a coughing fit.

“Are you alright, Patch?”

“Ah, yes. Um, that’s fine. It says here that I need to take off your undergarments, though…”

“Well, alright. “

Patchouli gently removed Alice’s panties. Giving them a good sniff, she tossed them away. Alice’s shaved womanhood was exposed for all the world to see. Her bra came off in similar fashion.

“Um, hmm, it says here that the vagina should be opened, but um, how do I do that?” Patchouli mused.

“I dunno, but please be gentle…”

Patchouli gently rubbed Alice’s pussy lips.

“Patch, your fingers are cold!” Alice said with a gasp.

Like a blossoming flower, her lips opened up.

“So that’s how, with gentle stimulation…” Patchouli made some notes in her book.

“Alright, now I stick my fingers into the gap…”

Alice gasped as Patchouli slid her fingers into Alice’s snatch.

“And now I rub.”

Alice began to get excited. She never had these feelings before. She could feel Patchouli’s fingers rubbing against her walls, sending waves of pleasure throughout her body. Her hair was standing on end.

looking pretty good so far, but try not to write in that double-spaced scripted form, and a touch more description can't hurt.

“Hmm, you’re excreting a strange fluid.”

“Patch… I can feel you… inside me…”

“Um, that’s within normal parameters. Your heartbeat should be going up, too.”

Sure enough, Alice’s heart was pounding, and her breath was in short gasps. Such a strange feeling!

“Alice, are you in pain?”

“Ahh, no… ahh… please, continue…” Alice gasped.

“And now for the coup de grace.”

Patchouli tossed her book aside and climbed onto the bed, leaning over Alice. With one hand still in her pussy, Patchouli began rubbing Alice’s nipples with her other hand. Alice began moaning in response.

>>275475

I believe that the proper spacing of consecutive lines of dialogue calls for double spacing. It's how I was taught, so it's a habit by now, and I find it keeps everything neat for me. I see your point on description, though. I don't read h fics often (and when I do, I'm not critiquing them, I'm just fapping) so I'll take that into account.

“Hahh… ahh… ahhh…”

As per the instructions, Patchouli began rubbing Alice even faster.

“Patchouli… ahh… something’s happening!”

Alice felt something welling up in her. Like a gathering of magical energy, something was building inside her, a beautiful feeling. Her back buckled.

“Haaa, ahh!”

Like a burst of danmaku, Alice shot out a glob of fluid from between her legs. She sighed, a large grin on her face.

“Hmm, it seems some fluid leaked out of you. There’s no mention of this in the book. I will conduct a chemical analysis now,” she said, sticking her fingers in her mouth.

“I detect trace amounts of sodium and water. This matter will require further investigation.”

You have an interesting choice in words, I don't know if I was supposed to but I lold.

>>275446
>>275453
>>275468
>>275472
>>275476
>>275480
>>275484
Fucking lol

>>275484
>leaked

Poor leaky Alice.

>>275484
>>sodium, water
>>trace

WRONG.

>>275453
There are no worksafe boards on 4ch.

>>275500
/d/ is totally worksafe.

>Like a burst of danmaku, Alice shot out a glob of fluid from between her legs.

Oh please.

>>275569

[Orgasm Sign] Cum Splat

Please, I couldn't be the first person to make a joke that bad.

>This matter will require further investigation.

....go on...

>>275569
should have made a mollusk reference.

alice leaks cum

This h-fic was kind of meh. I could write a better one, but it won't be ready until tomorrow at least.

for something written in 8 minutes, it wasn't bad.

>>275959
Do it, but what is it going to be about again?

this next one better fucking involve marisa with patchy instead

>>275595

Fine.

>>275959

YEAH WELL I'VE BEATEN YOU IN MELTY BLOOD

>>276138

Y-yeah, that's how long it took...

>>276180

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

>>276188
I can beat your ass in SWR demo though

>>276192

Anyone can, because I've never played SWR.

Before she could react, Alice was on top of her, binding her hands together with the string usually used to control her dolls.

“Hey Patch, come look! I’ve caught a rat!”

Patchouli emerged from behind a bookcase, sleepy-eyed as always.

“Patchi, why are you naked too? Just what were you two doing, ze? Alice, get off of me!”

Alice knelt down on Marisa’s stomach, pinning the magician down.

“No way. You’re going to be punished, Marisa. Hey Patch, pull off her bloomers. Let’s experiment on her.”

>>276196
what about IaMP then?

>>276202

Never played that, either. I was thinking about getting it, but never got around to it. Too busy with Mabinogi and Fate/Stay Night.


Patchouli picked up the long length of wood and inspected it.

“Um, this could be useful… with some modifications.”

Forming a spellcard from thin air, Patchouli held the slip of paper in one hand and the broomstick in the other.

“[Wood sign] Reinforce!”

The spellcard glowed brightly, then disappeared into pure energy, which flowed into the broomstick. Large, knurled bumps appeared along the length of the stick.

Continue this H-fic :V

>>276192
Woah, hey there. Totally off topic, but host. SWR challengers are rare.

“Hey Patch, you’re pretty aggressive,” said Alice, who by now was sitting on Marisa’s stomach.
“I can feel the tip of the broom against my butt, hehe.”

“She must be taught a lesson,” Patchouli said, gripping the stick and violently moving it back and forth.
“Those books are like my precious children.”

Marisa began screaming in agony.

“Hey Patch, I think she’s had enough, you know?” Alice had to shout to be heard over Marisa’s yells of pain.

“Not yet.”

Marisa dug her nails into the wooden floor. Sweat poured from her forehead, and Alice squatting on her chest made breathing difficult. She was close to orgasming, but now it just felt humiliating, not fun like when she was with Reimu. She knew that she should’ve stayed home today…

“Hey Patch, she’s breathing pretty heavily. I think she’s almost had enough!”

“I’m never coming back here again, ze~!” she yelled, as she flew off into the night sky.
“They raped me, Reimu! I’ve never been so embarrassed, ze,” confided Marisa as she sat on her friend’s porch.

“I see, I see,” said the miko, as she sipped her tea.

“Can you tell me on this doll where they touched you?” said Reimu, as she handed the witch a small doll.

“Well, it was right here,” she said, as she put her finger between the doll’s legs.

The doll giggled.

“What the? Wait, this red dress… Shanghai?”

“Hello again, Marisa. I trust you’re not too sore? We’re going to have a fun night together…” said Alice, as she emerged from the depths of the shrine.

wow, Alice's Revenge.

Are fics where Alice ends up happy even supposed to exist?

>>276244
reimu end? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

>>276250

No. ZUN agreed, don't bother him about it.

> “I thought people were supposed to cry after sex,” Reimu mused
Lol Reimu.
Someone get the "hey Reimu, what's sex" paint picture please. It's so appropriate..

>>276188

Yeah, hell, I can beat myself at Melty Blood. I'm sure if I wasn't using a keyboard to play, I'd be substantially worse at the game, so yeah.

>>276162

Dunno. I get the feeling /jp/ wouldn't share my same heretical tastes in heterosexual relationships, so the idea is kind of bouncing around still between the Marisa x Suika hijinks short story I've been wanting to do, various Negima x Touhou ideas that I keep having that I want to ignore (mostly because that'd end up with a fucklot of characters), the rest of my ongoing fic, as well some some BAD ENDs I've got planned for future threads on Pooshlmer.

If I did do an h-fic, I would like to use Suika, but a Chen is fine too.

>>276272
Unlimited Booze Works ~ze