/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>the US
>hometown
???

I report your thread.

I rock out with my cock out option.

>>2719150
Enjoy youre aids

By hiding the thread.

I for one, welcome our new frilled overlords

>>2719150
>>2719155
<-- /a/

Get Stockholm Syndrome and have sex with some touhous.
I don't know, this is stupid.

I work for the Touhous. I bring resistors to the wall to be danmaku'd.

With my own danmaku and 1337 dodging skills of course.

I haven't been playing the games all this time just to show off to some fat loners on a God-forsaken imageboard.
;_;

I gather everyone I hate, all the kids that made fun of me in high school and offer them as a meal to Yuka.

and so beings Operation: Touhou Raper

>>2719222

They're diminutive frames could not adequately handle the mighty cock of Big Boss.

I find a drillcore and put together a rag tag teams of freedom fighters. We will learn the ways of war of the vile aliens and take the fight back to them.

Then I discovere that the waifu I married during the early days of my resistance was a touhou all along and BAWWWWWWWWW

I don't think that the touhous would bother with a military style invasion. they would just be there among you living like the mexicans and everyone else. Polluting and changing your system.

>>2719243

I long for the day we have busty 14 year olds like that.

>>2719259

So would Yuka be on my lawn cutting my grass and trimming my hedges? Awesome!

I let loose a hearty laugh and take some more meds.

>>2719266
No, that would be Komachi.

Enjoy your tall grass and uncut hedges.

>>2719266
or breeding you out of existance.

>>2719266

I think Youmu would probably do that. Yuka would be the boss making shit grow so you have to hire her company to keep your shit together.

My glorious country will coop with Touhou Strike Force to eliminate USA and build World Socialistic Touhou Republic.

>>2719285

You sir, have no idea how little that bothers me. In fact I welcome Yuka breeding me out.

I'll make a one man stand against Reimu, the most powerful of the touhou invaders. My death will be a inspiration to show others that man will never bow down to the inhuman.

>>2719295
He meant "weeding" you out

China will grow larger with Touhous at their side. Touhous will embrace socialism with Chinese characteristics and engage in a world wide revolution that will purge the rightists from this Earth!

But i my hometown si not in the US

>>2719299
But Reimu IS human.

>>2719309

Not anymore.

>>2719142
defect

>>2719306
And USSR will reborn too!
Together we will annihilate all shitty capitalists!

>>2719300

I came...

Wait, what the fuck is this?

Fuck this shit, I'd rather hear about how the JSDF's going to deal with MTV and American Media.

Sage.

>>2719309

The original Reimu died many years ago.

Her pastry doppelganger was sent back in time to kill her.

>>2719357
Fuck this Yukkuri shit it's so fuckiWHERE IS SARAH CONNOR

>>2719357

If Touhou 12 was like that, I'd pay for it.

I welcome my new Touhou overlords and hope I get roped into one of their harems.

>>2719357

I AM A YUKKURI ORGANISM

PASTRY TISSUE OVER BEANPASTE ENDOSKELETON.

Comrades from the USA.

We are not your enemies. We're here to help you establish a new Touhou Socialist order. Remain calm. Return to your houses and cooperate with our troops. Be sure to follow our instructions, and all will be well.
A curfew will be established in all towns and villages. Our troops may need to use some of your properties to support our mission.
We urge you not to resist, or we cannot guarantee your safety.

You are now imagining the motorcycle scene from Terminator 2.

Except with an Arnold Yukkuri wielding the shotgun

>>2719382
You'll only be able to pay for it if ZUN lives long enough to complete it.
We must protect him. One day his games will be of vital importance to all mankind.

>>2719394
Russian national markings with Vietnamese flag on the barrel? WTF is this shit.

>>2719394

Fuck your shit, where's my sneaking suit?

>>2719292
Touhou-34/85?

I don't know what I'm seeing,

but I am fapping.

>the US
Not my problem then.

>>2719397

Dunno. Text on this pic is machine translation from english for fun.

Is homosexuality legal in the New Touhou Order? Because I like the look of that boy wriggle.

>>2719409

That's no boy, my boy. No boy!

>Touhou-34/85?

That's obviously a Touhou-34 Model 1943

>>2719404
>Touhou-34/85

No, 34/76

>>2719334

34/85

>>2719403

Victor?

>>2719142
I do what I always do:

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

Good thing we still have an Army and Air Force, and possibly Marines depending on which branches of the Navy got destroyed. I just sit back and let the boys clean up. Although I'd like to see the SAS crack some Touhou skulls!

Seeing as I'm in San Francisco I doubt I'll see some Red Dawn type of shit. Probably a bunch of hippies smoking pot not know what the fuck is going on and a whole bunch of Asian otakus welcoming the new overlords.

>>2719429
WE NEED SPESS MEHREENS!

>>2719434

Magic must defeat magic. We roll out the US Magical Girl Assault Battalion.

Get some of my bros, get a few guns, flee into the woods, call ourselves the Wolverines.

I think it's pretty self explanatory from here on.

>>2719439

Every 3+ stage touhou boss can destroy Earth alone.

I would: RAPE THE MAIDS!

Also, every second girl have immortality. And extremely high damage resist. Yukari, for example, can throw every army in space in one action. Yuyuko can kill everybody if she wants, so Utsuho, Mokou, Yuugi, Suika, even Cirno or Letty can do it.

I'd kick back and watch.

Danmaku is beautiful~

I for one welcome our new silly hat overlords.

>>2719142
hold shift for focused movement

Counterinvade Gensokyo. Duh.

I would tell them that my hometown lies far from US and then show it's location on a map.
After giving directions I would ask if I can go with them and kill some scumbags.

>>2719142
Thank god, someone has to over run them.

>>2719142
Go out in a blaze of glory.

Nuclear weapons wouldn't work because we damn well wouldn't nuke our own cities without putting up a hell of a fight and doing everything we could to evacuate citizens beforehand.

Most of the small-fry would go down with blessed weaponry since that has faith put behind it.

Most of the game-level ones would have to be challenged mano-e-mano and fought on their terms. Would be hard as hell and likely far more deadly than Touhou terms.

Eh, we'd pull through, repel, and ultimately counterattack them because Humanity is Superior.

die by the whole lightning rod special beam cannon shit someone once posted.

I become a comfort man in the Thouhoes' base.

Using my penis, duh.

>>2719259

What kind of idiot are you?

No one in here would fight. Being killed by a Touhou would be a honor.

I don't. I live so far south of the US, they will never find my country.
If they do, however, we'll make it their Valhalla. The place where they go to die.

Awaken the clones of the Founding Fathers, enhanced by exposure to Atomic Radiation, and send them to meet the threat head on! Except that, due to a few bugs in the system, we lost all the Y chromosomes. And they woke up a little early, so the bodies are somewhat underdeveloped. Had the same problems in group B (constructs of Paul Bunyan, Johnny Appleseed, Tow Sawyer, Uncle Sam, and other figures from US mythos).

Benjamaiah Franklin has chubby moein Touhou 14.

BE ATTITUDE FOR GAINS:
1. Be praying.
2. Be praying.
3. Be praying.

I would loudly say "I don't believe in Touhous", and they would all disappear.

>>2720330
> lost all of the y chromosomes

So I assume they all have Turner Syndrome. Good job, you've created a bunch of semi-historical mutant super-lolis who will more than likely die within a few years of birth.

>>2720360
Good failsafe system if they decide to go berserk.

>>2720360
Nothing wrong with that.

At first sight of the enemy, I would quickly gather together all the chip packets of various flavours from my cupboard and around my desk. I would sew them all together onto a hat, or failing to find one of them anything that could be attached to my head.
Donning my new headwear I would bypass the enemy lines, into the eye of the storm. With them holding the outer perimetre, the centre would be relatively calm, meaning that there would be some semblance of privacy. From there I would enter one of the many, many houses, log onto a computer and go straight to 4chan. To the cesspool of fail.
To /b/.
From there I would reveal to our fellow social recluses, and upon informing them of the army of attractive women outside, I would coordinate strikes agains the army. While not powerful, smart or fit, they have 2 important strengths. The first is their stench, it would easily overpower any passing near them but themselves. The second is their number. There would be thousands upon thousands. The deadly combination of stench and numbers would disorientate the masses.

From my vantage point I would inform them of enemy positions, and weakspots. The drill of smell would pierce through, a line of death through the middle, seperating the forces. From their, another pierce, forming an unbreakable cross between them. And again I'd seperate, then once more. I would shatter them, smother their remains. I would break them completely.

>>2720371
I... well...
... okay, yeah, I guess I can go with that.

>>2720382
Satori finds you.
You die. Game over, have fun playing next time!

>>2720386

All he has to do is change the controller to the 2nd port.

>>2720386
Satori finds him...then collapses into a crying heap. Anon proceeds to rape and continues operation.

Best board: http://www.ApeshitTalk.com/ ("Apeshit" = "Anon")

07ecd1ebf8193ac1957b3343cdf3fda0

>>2722104

Except, that only works once...

>>2722104

There's gotta be a Satori bust somewhere around.

in b4 lol she has no bust. zoomzoomzoom.

By sending the US Army

I freeze frogs.

Reality, works every time.

all these fucking posts and no one has pointed out
>touhou
>navy destroyed

Touhoes fly! Who cares about the navy?!

also
>hometown
>US
fail, as always

>>2722252

Seeing how fast Touhous can move, having stationary Air Bases would result in our ass raping. The mobility of aircraft carriers would be much better.

No navy = no aircraft carriers = Air bases get fucked up = things go tits up

>>2722285
I doubt they can graze through Gatling based anti-missile/aircraft systems.

>>2722252
I pointed out the latter in the first response, bro.

>>2722326

Graze? They wouldn't have to. Bitches move fast.

>>2722340
That may be, but they are going to be flying FAST through something that looks like unlimited bullet works.

>>2722326

In Touhou terms, one "unit" firing 4500 rounds per minute at one "target" pretty much equals Normal Rumia.

>>2722373
Its a cloud, not just an aimed line, and its not just one unit. I don't think you've ever seen naval anti-aircraft fire. Shits scary.

>>2722383
>>Naval anti-aircraft

>>2719142
>>The US Navy was destroyed in a preemptive strike

>>2722395
And you think the same things aren't going to be available on land?

Long time no see Xonpool.

Sure is reality in this thread.

>>2722398
And you don't think it'll be useless against small targets that are faster than jet fighters?

>>2722398

Because none of them can freeze time, foretell the future, move near the speed of light, or completely wipe an object from existence.

I love how the namefags run rampant in 4chan now, and nobody cares or says anything.

All namefags are just stupid attention whores who want to be recognized. Not good enough to be Anonymous? Not good enough to be on 4chan. Get off.

>>2722401

Aye, way too long. Was out of town on a bit of a wild goose chase.

>>2722383

I was going to make a counterargument about bombs, but you're right.
I haven't actually seen any sort of AA fire live, nor even a ship big enough to carry AA protection.
Got to love Sweden.

>>2722431
That's what Snipers are for.

Catch them off guard and there shouldn't be a problem.

Liberal use of laser weapons. Problem solved.

>>2722431
No, most are designed to spray bullets into the air somewhat haphazardly in the direction of the target. On a high speed gun you don't want nearly as much accuracy so that you can hit areas around your target should it move in an unexpected way (or you can pick up extra casualties in the case of using a machine gun against soft targets. also good for suppression). If your bullets all hit the same spot they will go right through, if they all hit near each other they will do more damage, spread that out a bit more and the damage becomes higher. The higher your volume of fire, the lower you want your accuracy to be (with in reason, remember, we are talking about shooting at a target that isn't exactly close).

>>2719142
enjoy having no powers

reality override

>>2722453
Microwaves as well ... Geneva convention doesn't cover youkai.

>>2722467
I like how you think.

>>2722467
>>2722453

Because we have those readily available right now.

>>2722485
Actually, we do. We are just banned from using them as weapons. By the time the Navy was gone they would be ready. As would other non-conventional weapons.

>>2722500
Such as?

>>2722485
OP never said when the invasion began.
For all we know, the invasion could start in the year 40,000, in which case we simply drop the Astartes on them.

>>2722478
But lazers are easy, ze.

Visit and bookmark today: http://www.AnounTalk.com/ ("Anoun" = "Anon")

d6f3517bdb7d8cbceb3f3ae79bd005c5

>>2722450
Aside from the number that are literally immortal, that should work.

And then Utsuho irradiated everyone.

>>2722522
Good luck trying to avoid something that moves at light speed.
We are NOT forced to make our danmaku dodgeable, you know.

Just start airbursting nukes and FAE's as they come over.

>>2722510

Oh, it's nothing. Just one of those overhyped "real death rays" again.
Supposedly Lockheed built one this time. You'd suppose they would've learned from their last failure back in the 70's.

>>2722538
How do you THINK they're winning? You don't actually think they'd have beaten the US navy and thousands of soldiers in a proper war, did you?

Spellcard rules apply as normal.

>>2722690
"Hey, we have to defend the US from monsters that control every aspects of existance! What? That we have to fight with their rules? We have to make our bullets slow enough so that they can dodge them, but they don't have to do that?"

No sir. The only rule that can be applied is 'thou shalt kill', and thou shalt kill.

>>2722629
That shit is getting tiring.

>>2722814
Except lolmagic. TOUGHNUGGETS.

>>2722814
Would the danmaku game even work outside the border? They might have screwed the pooch and come over here and started a fight they can't possibly win.

Crossposting this to /k/.

>>>>/k/3366942

Crossposting this to /k/.

>>>>/k/3366947

>>2722901
404

>>2722848
Youkai can't outsmart boolet.

Booger hook off the bang switch, honey.

>>2719142
no trigger discipline

>>2722946

Nice SCAR.

>>2723012
FINALLY someone identifies it properly.

No, it's not a Masada. It really is a SCAR.

Also I'm a fanboy of the SCAR.

And I have this exact model shotgun. Except my gun rack isn't as big as hers.

>>2722954

Although still, the main obstacle remains.

Given that the great majority of people live with the "it can't happen here" mentality, an actual touhou invasion would quickly escalate into living hell on earth. Not in a GRIMDARK sense, but simply out of overwhelming wtfness. Even stage 1 midbosses have abilities that are completely removed from anything a sensible human can perceive as reality. Most people can't even take the idea of a neighbouring country invading as a serious possibility - if humanity suddenly had to change overnight to consider little flying girls shooting lasers a real possibility, mass insanity would ensue.

Resurrect Curtis LeMay and a squadron of ghost B-29s. Roast some nips just like it's 1945! After all, it's just as likely as the OP's situation.

>LeMay commanded subsequent B-29 Superfortress combat operations against Japan, including the massive incendiary attacks on sixty-four Japanese cities. This included the the firebombing of Tokyo on 9 March–10 March 1945. For this first attack, LeMay ordered the defensive guns removed from 325 B-29s, loaded each plane with Model E-46 incendiary clusters, magnesium bombs, white phosphorus bombs and napalm, and ordered the bombers to fly in streams at 5,000–9,000 feet over Tokyo.

>The first pathfinder planes arrived over Tokyo just after midnight on March 10. Following British bombing practice, they marked the target area with a flaming 'X.' In a three-hour period, the main bombing force dropped 1,665 tons of incendiary bombs, killing more than 100,000 civilians, destroying 250,000 buildings and incinerating 16 square miles (41 km2) of the city. Aircrews at the tail end of the bomber stream reported that the stench of burned human flesh permeated the aircraft over the target.

>>2723073
What film is that from?

>>2719142
I want to fight back why? I want to join them, become immortal so i can enjoy my time with my waifu forever.

>>2723137
I wonder if you know
How they live in Tokyo
If you see me then you mean it
Then you know you have to go

>>2723227
:)

>>2723237

>>Gensokyo has invaded the US. Touhous have started landing in your hometown. The US Navy was destroyed in a preemptive strike and without a definite target

What are those? Jap names? Never heard of your Gookokyo or whatever you Japs are calling yourselves now.

Long story short, you didn't destroy the USN and we'll send you ass packing.

>>2723249
Harajuku girls know how i feel
They respect i keeps it real
Not a Chinaman cuz I ain't from China man
I am Japan man

HI. Wakashteruya
Boyz. ateyuma kitobas
noise. manshij kitemas indaghe
tow banow gazmo windemas
beyshiku wasupplies
de. majmanchika abunai
te. ninjehu kenjahu
dakido geisha
all on the rocks say
karanosha

>>Gensokyo

So are you Chinese or Japanese?

HERRO JAPAN.

'course, firebombing is sometimes kinda slow. Gotta use multiple planes and all that, and that means the crews have less R&R time.

Only need 1 plane for these.

^.^

Shit was SO kawaii.

>>2723291
How're you gonna know where to drop the bomb?

It's not like they'll have a home base.

^____________________________^

Win them over with this. Or just scare them off.

Eirin takes over the red cross. Reisen implements a law stating killing rabbits is a felony with a death sentence.
Tewi wins the lottery, 10 times over. Kaguya becomes the most loved NEET on the web, especially /jp/.

>>2723320
Bomb Japan. All of it.

If that doesn't work, bomb it again.

And my ghost B-29s will have all of the standard B-29 armament as well, so they can just be gunships or something.

itt /k/ maintains its reputation as board easiest to troll.

>>2723352
Is this a typical /k/ user?

*shoots wall, is 300 pounds*

>>2723352
Why would they be in japan if they're invading?

All that'd happen is you'd piss of china by putting a nuclear waste land next to them. Then they'd nuke the shit out of YOU.

>>2723357

He was bragging about trolling us in /k/.

How are the Touhou doing on their vaccinations?

>>2723357
Yes. The typical /k/ user is Nagasaki.

>>2723373
Not trolling bro. Shitting all over the thread.

I mean you could counter with pics of the rape of Nanking, but other than killing Chinese civilians, the Japs never did too well.

>>2723373
You call that trolling? Not to mention that you fags did a good job in trolling yourselves in the first hundred.

>>2723394
Oh, you think /jp/ loves Japan and is tearing up over your atomic bombing pictures.

Someone has never been to /jp/ before.

>>2723354
Kinda.

I really just enjoy posting these pics. It's fun to go through my WWII folder.

Worst troll ever.

Try to research your enemy first.

>>2723400
>Someone has never been to /jp/ before.
Actually I came here for August 6th. :)

Then I went to 2chan.

>>2723422
I assume ghost B-29s can kill it.

Anyway. I'm gonna go play video games now.

Later guys.

Oh, Jesus, 4chan's still up.

Look, I don't have much time, so I'll get you out of country boys up to speed. Around, God, must have been, noon Eastern a couple of days ago, these, these, THINGS, they just flew in. They look like people, like women, but...they're much more powerful. They shoot...I don't know what the hell they're shooting, but it was far more powerful than anything I've ever seen. It's like the fourth of July. I saw one of the tanks they sent in go down in a hail of ice, it was awful.

I've got no weapons, so I'm just holing up in this little shithole with barely enough power to keep this laptop running and a little grill cooker I "liberated" from one of the stores. Meat's still good in this fridge I found.

I don't know how many are dead. All I know is that they've taken the Eastern Seaboard, and that's it. The news sites are down. At least, the American servers. I'm refreshing BBC all the time, but I'm not getting any clear answers.

I think I saw one of them fighting the other ones. She's dressed in red and white, and the two I saw fighting were yelling something in some language, I couldn't understand what it was.

Oh God, I hope this passes soon. I'm so afraid, Anonymous. I'm so scared.

>>2719142

>Landing in your hometown.

>Arc, the Japanese have launched ARSENAL GEAR to your immediate location. Troop deployment has already commenced, and the US Navy has been torn apart by the Raccoon-Dog Unit! It's a full scale invasion, a coup d'etat by the Japanese government. Liquid Sanae has made her move at last. You are the world's last hope, Arc. Find Arsenal Gear, make your way into it, and put an end to Liquid Sanae's insurrection! Stop her once and for all!

Brb, going to tie a bandana around my head, suit up, arm myself, and see if I can sneak past the Touhou army.
I'll get HelenXonpool and Phil Ossiferz Stone as mission support from a tiny robot or from a radio.

My loadout would be an FN SCAR 5.56x45mm NATO for combat, HK USP .45 as a sidearm. Small silenced .22 with tranquilizers. Flashbang grenades, and chaff grenades.

Along the way I'd aid by /k/ militiamen fighting off the invaders with Moist Nuggets.

>>2723496
cool story bro

>>2723438

Objects need to exist for at least 100 years before they -might- be able to become yokai.

However, civil-war era weapons should be effective.

>>2723573

I have a Single Action Army that was handed down my family from the Indian Wars. Would that kill youkais?

>>2723579

Ask it.

>>2723588
>Ask it.
A Single Action Army youkai? Fund it.

>>2723579
>>2723588
>>2723573

Are you listening, Heckler Und Koch? Voice controlled firearms! Get to the drawing board and manufacture such a thing for me! Schnell!

>>2723425
>>2723438
You assume we care about the Japanese people aside from their fancy VNs and products?

This is why it's easy to assume you almost never come here.

>>2723588
I asked my Colt 1851 Navy Revolver if it was a youkai, and it didn't answer. I guess it didn't kill enough people to become a youkai yet. I'm actually kind of bummed.

>>2723603
they are too busy making a gun out of styrofoam and drinking civilians tears

also, set up base in this.

TRIPFRIENDS ONLY

>>2723642
Is that.

Is that a lance on the front?

>>2723277
Gensokyo is another dimension or something, but technically it's in Japan.

>>2723648


THAT is the FUCKJET, Civilian! And that is a HF Katana mounted on its nose.

>>2723648

I believe that is a sword.

>>2723648
/k/atana

>>2723642
and cant forget the sea

>>2723654
>>2723656
>>2723657
The polygons made it look like a lance, but now I see the katana.

>>2723659

>>2723626
also, fuck yes front page

Attack with fiction defend with fiction. Kill the seaboat ... take the boats to the air.

>>2723659
>>2723672
Rotary naval cannons? Now that's some firepower.

>>2723672
>>2723702
>>2723659

brb reinstalling homeworld 2

>>2723733
shoots jets

>>2719142

Why the hell would I fight them? I would let them take over this shitty country and populate it with yukkuris.

>>2723744
its google sketch up

>>2723744
>homeworld 2

>>2723765
If all the armaments on those bullet-planes shot knife wielding bears, that would be the deadliest weapon mankind has ever conceived of.

>>2723816
they shoot rabid baboons drenched in plastic explosive with razorblades glued to them.

or .50AE

>>2723744
I see no homeworld here, just some sketch up things and a doctor who screenshot.

>>2723761
Much better than the shit we are going through, but sadly no Donations will be made with USA economy going to shit.

If anything we can form a truce and nuke the Middle East with Danmaku.

Utsuho would be a good candidate for that.

>>2723765
>>2723672
>>2723659
That looks like something Orks would do.

>>2723902
Don't really need a truce for that. Could always just slip Israel a letter saying that Russia and the US support their use of nuclear weapons against their neighbors.

>>2723902
Utsuho would love to do that, especially since it's already hell on Earth.

bumping out of amusment