/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Tailless EX-Keine feels off, but looks like an interesting game.

back to pooshlmer

>>2471116
Go play Patapon.

>>2471116
I thought that too, until I played it. Shit sux.

>>2471152
All the games that suck really really badly seem to me like they could be right up there with the best if only the authors/creators had put in about 10% more effort. With commercial games, it's more understandable, since they have deadlines and shit...

Then again, with indie gamers, it's probably an issue of releasing SOMETHING rather than nothing.

>>2471152
I liked it a lot!

Oh well.

bump? hopefully this will become more active.

Might as well post some older stuff to bump this.

http://scarletdevilmansion.com/flanny.html

This was going to be part of a bigger animation but I never got rid of that lag so I never finished it.

>>2471181
That's because you're crazy.

>>2471181
It was good.

>>2471591
Is that a Kyouran Kazoku Nikki reference?

>>2471620
Yep. I made it through about 50% of the ED before I got bored and forgot about it. Looking in my flash folder now, I have tons of unfinished stuff. Meh.

>>2471152
Patapon is fucking awesome, get out rhythmless bastard

>>2471286
I would draw, but got to study for a Hilbert spaces exam.

>>2471918
That's why it's so boring. Games with nothing but rhythm after rhythm (see: Guitar Hero, Patapon) just aren't any fun. It's fun for the first couple of hours, and then the novelty wears off and you're left with a repetitive game.

>>2471960
maybe its that its a weekday (or maybe just wednesday) it seems quite slow.

>>2471960
Aw, no no, don't put Guitar Hero and Patapon together please.

Normal mode: Exact same pose. Any character.

Hard mode: Exact same pose. Same dress Patchouli only.

Lunatic mode: All of the above. AND do not get a boner while looking at the image.

Reposting useful link

http://posemaniacs.com./

Lots of good references to work off of, including hands.

>>2472031
Ai is so adorable. Yet I'm not popping a boner! Perhaps my lolicon has been cured.

a bump

>>2472031

This is the little whore that actually made me somewhat interested in real little girls.

bump

>>2472031
This is dumb. Use some creativity.

Keeping this bumped on the slow days.

Had some time

Lots of school work, maybe Saturday

>>2472008
But they're pretty much the same shit gameplay-wise.

>>2472794
>school

>>2471960
That's why it's so boring. Games with nothing but bullet after bullet (see: Touhou, Dodonpachi) just aren't any fun. It's fun for the first couple of hours, and then the novelty wears off and you're left with a repetitive game.

>>2472802
protip: colleges are schools

>>2472831
Protip: Colleges are for fags, universities are superior.

>>2472839
Correction: College is for idiots who couldn't make it into University.

>>2472839
>>2472852
Say the basement dwellers

>>2472831

Oh very nice, I'm liking the pose and atmosphere it gives off.

>>2472861
It's from danbooru

>>2472854
>Implying that everyone here is a basement dweller
Get out.

>>2472852
You would know, dropout.

>>2472880
I'm not a loser like you, so no, I'm not a dropout.

>>2472788
Where's the hat?

>>2472880
I would know cause I got into my first choice University, I'm in third year in fact of my undergraduate program.

>>2472895

>I'm not a loser
>/jp/

Does anyone have any idea how to use ONscripter to make a VN? I'm a little new to programming, but I'm currently learning a little bit of C++.

>>2472895
Whatever you say, dropout.

what's the fucking difference between a college and university?

I've been to both, it's the exact same shit.

>>2473009
Supposedly Universities (good ones) teach vocational skills while College teaches you how to do a certain thing.

>>2473009
Here, college is more practical, and university is more book reading, theory etc.

>>2472970
Too weak, troll

>>2473052

>>2473009
In the U.S. the terms are interchangable. Apparently in other parts of the world they mean different things.

Not only do I currently have no skills as an artist, this was the first time I made a serious attempt at drawing with a mouse.

This is slightly horrific.

>>2472926
She took it off

>>2473178
Never draw with a mouse

>>2473237
So I've learned.

So, I'm making an animation based on EoSD.

Here's a screenshot.

You guys suck.

>>2473339
Do you have any drawings you've made?

>>2473178

at least you got the pose and the face position correct. and with a mouse too.

Congratulations. You just 1 cced easy mode on your first attempt.

bump. maybe it will be more alive tomorrow.

I hope so. I love these threads.

In case it's hard to tell what is happening: Keine has Mokou's suspenders looped around her horns.

>>2473439

I have this.

>>2474138
this sorta reminds me of Micky Mouse.

>>2474138
looks like Kids Next Door

>>2474138

I also have an unscanned drawing of Flandre, which look a lot better.

What is this, /jp/ project 2? We're still busy with #1...

>Does anyone have any idea how to use ONscripter to make a VN? I'm a little new to programming, but I'm currently learning a little bit of C++.
I do. It's very simple, much much simpler than C++.

>>2474594
Not really, seems /jp/ noticed its attention span is more fit for shorter projects (whereas the /jp/ project was a long-term one - looking forward to that Dandelion Girl kinetic novel, by the way. ), hence why those threads are coming along nicely.

It's more of a "get off your lazy asses and start doing something" thread, and given how unmotivated our bunch is, it's quite effective.

>>2474594
Nope. The goal of these threads seem to be to just get people to do something, rather than focus on a specific project. Instead of "Draw this CG art for so and so", it's "draw whatever you want".

Was originally touhou based, but the art has become completely open. So far all of the programming/game related posts have been about Touhou.

El bumpo del resurrection

>>2474187

Thats what I was thinking

Hair is a problem for me, I lack the imagination to draw decent hair.

>>2475358
Get reference. I bought a hair magazine awhile ago when I was at a convenience store.

>>2475358
Then draw from reference until you get the gist of it.

>>2474138
>>2474231
Thank you. Your style is very cartoonish. I wanted to see how much the art quality had suffered from being in animated form.

>>2473989
No idea what's going on, but I like it.

It's been in my head for a while now, but I think at some point I'm going to animate Mokou singing the Sunred OP.

>>2476001
moe~

>>2472031
Tracing sure is fun!

>>2476145
A-Akagi?

Quick coloring

>>2472031
failed lunatic mode as i started drawing her eyes

>>2476511
What the hell?

>>2476511
Neck and head aren't very good, the rest is fine.

バンプ

>>2474594

Mind giving a brief explanation on how to do so?

Sorry if it takes up a lot of your time, but anyone who comes here probably has all the time in the world anyway.

>>2476190

Nice attempt at shading. Keeping working on it.

>>2477815
I shall

Bump for great original content that puts to shame any so called western doujin attempts.

>>2478603
I see you just came from that Another Shit thread.

>>2473127
No. In the US, a university conducts research. Colleges are purely for education. Also, colleges vary from the associate's to bachelor's levels, while universities vary from bachelor's to Ph.D.

Also, if you get an associate's, your entry into a university is assured.

>>2478698
In colloquial terms they are the same though. People who go to universities usually just refer to it as college.

>>2478746
uhhh no

>>2478757
in the US it's that way.

>>2473361
then post something to put us to shame. Else shut up.

!★ SPARKLING ★ POWER ★!

>>2478805
Now where have I seen your tripfag code before...

Bump

random sage lol

>>2479257
LOL UR SO RANDOM XD

This is why we cant have anything nice...

Too few production this time.

wish my scanner was working. can't make these drawings fucking work.

I will have some code to show in a couple of days. I just hope that people will keep these threads alive until then.

polite sage.

>>2479345
You draw on paper? oh dear

>>2479345
>polite sage

You don't need to announce this, you are on /jp/.

>>2479360
What's the matter? too old school for you?

waifu

>>2472031


i have been trying to draw this for a while. I got the pose down correctly but why the fuck does her face look like a fucking grown woman rather than a loli? a

also long neck is loooooong. look at the right side of her neck

>>2479439
its a trap!

>>2479439
Generally, what i've been told, is that the difference between a loli and an adult is in the maxilla. that's the bone that encompasses the cheeks and the bridge of the nose, as well as the upper jaw. The shape changes as people get older, gets longer, and the positions of the different features it encompasses change as well.

I haven't yet managed to master this yet, but I'm just passing on what I've been told.

>>2479472

so I just have to make it rounder?

Started this before, would like advice as I want to redraw this.

>>2479483
Going to be objective, brace for CC:
What is her elbow resting on? (awkward pose), Skin = zombie, you need reds/oranges/purples to bring out life in skin tones, face is not attractive or has correct shape, 0 contrast (needs more, don't be afraid to define shadows and edges where the figure turns away from the light source), ice is poorly defined so it looks flat and looks like she's floating, colors are dull (all same = not interesting), left arm is broken.

I recommend you work on the figure, planes of the face, cast shadows, and rendering in grayscale (so you can get a better feeling of values...bad idea to start coloring with no understanding of values). Then study color theory when you can create a good figure in grayscale to maximize the effect of your colors. G'luck, you can improve with some more knowledge and some experience.

>>2479613
Comments like these are exactly what /ic/ is missing and as a result, /ic/ sucks.

Thanks. I'll see what I can do soon. And to be honest, I did try to work in grayscale because I was trying out Genzoman's style.

>>2479439

and here it is. someone redline the face to look exactly like the reference image please. I have no idea why it turned out this way

>>2479613
>>CC

Casting Cost? Cyber Cafe?

>>2479799

Constructive Criticism?

>>2479483
Oh I remember this one.

>>2479888
the tripfag is just fuckin around

Bump.

復活のバンプ

This thread didn't do so well, did it... I guess our creative Anonymous didn't feel like participating.

>>2482034
Maybe it's because nobody received actual criticism but in a few cases

It's an original character, but it should feel kinda touhouish. Funny hat, no boobs, but is there anything that should be changed?

>>2482034

It doesn't really matter if these threads do well or not, its still going to be there. Technically the last thread we had from Wednesday to Friday didn't have that much participation either. Maybe its the dates, but people's schedule changes. These threads will be here so just post what you got as things progress.

>>2482688
Why is it so....blurry?
>peili työttä
Is this some sort of troll?

>>2482726

Blurry for various reasons that are not important but are good reasons anyways

and just ignore the filename

>>2482688
uhhh could you explain her outfit for us? give a little backstory maybe

>>2482736
I still have my doubts but ok.
Design wise, look pretty generic, even to be touhou like

>>2482744

Well, it's for a future project of sorts so eh I'm not getting into details yet. Comments on the art style and ways to improve it are what I'm really looking for.

FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS
FAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGSFAGS

>>2482688
Use more colors.

>>2482758
Well the art style.....we could begin with the hair and hands, so anatomy in general, it lacks it.
The cloth also looks quite stiff.

>>2482771
>Weekend /jp/

Oh god I haven't drawn in weeks.

>>2482789
Never draw again.

>>2482787
>Complaining about weekend /jp/ on a cancerous weekend /jp/ thread

>>2482798
>weekend /jp/ thread
>Thread started on Wednesday

>cancerous
Go back to /b/, scum.

>>2482807
Trolled.

>>2482789
Oh, I get it. It's remilia.

>>2482810
Try again.

>>2482808

>>2482818
No, seriously. Check the e-mail of the post you RAGE'd at.

>>2482758
Apart from her left hand the line art is solid imo, the shading looks a little strange though. Maybe just go with the standard base, light and dark for now.

>>2482823
Do you even know what trolling is?

Sketchan around a bit.

>>2482787
>>2482798
>>2482807
>>2482808
>>2482818
>>2482823

>>2482824
The cloth needs a lot more work, same with the hair.

>>2482839
Hey I know you

>>2482831

>>2482848
Stop doing this every time.

Actually, don't. ;_;

>>2482824

It was kinda supposed to imitate the weird shading in some Touhou games, mainly Imperishable Night. Didn't really look quite as good here, though.

>>2482839
I think you should for a whole body instead of just heads, believe me, it will harm you if you don't.

>>2482688
Use more variety in linework.
More folds in pants.

>>2482868
They still look weird since they're too blurry, that looks like it was done on WIMP(?), SAI does that quite better.

HOW R U GENTLEMANZ

ALL UR BASE IS BELONG TO US

>>2482875
And suit

>>2482883

Drawn by hand, traced, colored, shaded with photoshop. Never really used anything else.

>>2482912
I suggest you use SAI

>>2482872
I do. Alot. I'm slowly getting better at that whole anime anatomy thing. Also, forgot ears on >>2482839

>>2482920

Okay, I'll be honest. I don't know anything about SAI. Why should I use it?

>>2482930
It's practically made for exclusively drawing
Check these out
http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm6330247
http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm6426550
http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm6820196
http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm6301115

>>2482912
This is going to sound kind of mean, but I wouldn't try to emulate ZUN's coloring if I were you. ZUN's style of shading looks odd because he uses super-soft gradients / brushes to render every figure in pure white light. This kind of light does not exist outside of a modeling studio (and even then, it's always obscured in the final product by shoops so it doesn't look as weird), so the reason you noticed it was a "weird" coloring style was because that kind of light is completely unnatural.

>>2482947

Oh, obviously it's unnatural. It's certainly not the best style of shading, not something I'd normally use. This is kind of an imitation though.

>>2482921
>>2482839
Touhous should not be separated from their silly hats. She looks sad. :(

>>2474594

Bump for an answer to this.

>>2483004
No, it's not

>>2482952
Tears of joy.

>>2476001
>Firebird Form
I see what you intend there.

>>2483015
Oh, that was Suwako?

>>2483041
Well, yeah. Who did you think it was?

>>2483051
suwako is like, one of the oldest touhous.

>>2483015
...The joy of being cummed inside?

>>2471102
If I may, what's the source on game in OP?

>>2483139
Read-the-fucking-thread

>>2483155
Thread mentions Patapon. That's a real commercial game, it certainly does not have touhou characters.

I doubt the game actually exists, since there's no shortage of faked game screenshots. However, there is at least one more image of similar style. If it is a real game I don't know the title.

>>2483217
Well...duh!

>>2483155
tl;dr

>>2483015

I was thinking it might have been Kogasa before the hat. Not bad though, aside from the fact that the forehead might be too huge. The hat covers it up nicely.

>>2483290
Sorry about that, huge foreheads are my fetish.

bump

>>2483015

>writing

OK, I'll try my hand at this.

My current attempt, courtesy of procrastination on a term paper: http://mirror05.x264.nl/Dark/force.php?file=./MokouStory.pdf

Comments/criticism/accusations of being cancer welcome.

>>2484833

Your action scenes could do with a little work. The lines were awfully pedestrian and didn't flow well, it was a struggle for me to envision what was going on.

Kaguya and Mokou shouldn't have enough time to speak paragraphs WHILE fighting. Perhaps while they're taking a quick breather, recuperating between blows? The characters don't emote very much, it was difficult for me to feel emotionally involved with them. You were not so much SHOWING me what was going on, rather than just TELLING me.

You also adapted a passive voice and past-tense, making it feel as though everything had already happened, and we were merely reading someone's account, not an actual event unfolding before us.

More on voice. http://www.englishclub.com/grammar/verbs-voice.htm

In finality, it was good but it could've done with a little polish. Keep writing. Write more.

>>2484868

Isn't past-tense rather standard for most fiction?

Writing in present tense feels really awkward and rules out a whole lot of constructions.

>Kaguya and Mokou shouldn't have enough time to speak paragraphs WHILE fighting.

Yes, I tried to limit the cases of http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TalkingIsAFreeAction , but obviously I have to be add a bit more time in between to make it sensible.

>>2484889

Past tense is awesome.

Past tense + Passive Voice, however, will bore a normal reader to tears. I read through it because I'm used to such things, but if your reader doesn't feel like progressing further in the story because of it, they close the window and that is that. I mostly stress using the Active Voice, not using present tense. Using a passive voice is a death knell for your work.

>>2484889

Also, I wouldn't advise you against talking while fighting, but you should be brief in these cases. We want to feel the tension and the conflict between the characters. Their emotions should be laid bare to us. We should be feeling Mokou's burning fury, or the cold, calculating ruthlessness of Kaguya.

>>2484898

I eliminated the obvious passive voice from the initial section, but I couldn't find much else throughout (except for a bit in character dialogue). Is there really that much passive voice throughout?

New intro section:

The shouts pierced the cold silence of the forest.

“Hah, you think you'll be able to beat me this time? I've been keeping count--fifteen sequential victories. You're losing your edge, Mokou.”

Kaguya stepped forward, swinging her blade towards Mokou's leg. Mokou jumped back out of range, dodging the slice.

Mokou returned the favor with a swipe towards Kaguya's head. The steel blades clashed. Kaguya's forceful swordplay pushed Mokou back.

“It's all luck anyways. Don't worry, your streak will end soon in a fountain of blood!”

Mokou tried to inch forwards, but before she could make a move, Kaguya lunged forwards yet again, pushing her back further towards the trees. With every engagement she was losing ground.

“You blame this on luck? No, Mokou, fencing is all skill!”

Mokou cursed under her breath as the two continued to clash blades.

Then she saw an opening. Not an opening she could normally exploit, but for that, she had her trump card.

“Skill indeed!”

With her sword pushing Kaguya's blade towards her left side, Mokou drew a hidden dagger at lightning speed and lunged towards Kaguya's heart. Kaguya tried to move her sword back into position, but she was too late: the dagger pierced her heart. She fell backwards, her shirt dripping with blood.

>>2484963

It's easy to find yourself slipping into passiveness without noticing it. As you re-read and re-write, you'll notice it more and more.

>>2484963

Again, show, show us what's going on. Don't tell us that Mokou withdrew a dagger. Let us see the flash of metal sliding from her sleeve and hear the wet thud of it sinking into Kaguya's chest.

>>2484833
I am totally going to read that... eventually.

>>2485071

did you even look at the file?

>>2485081

>>2485047

How's this?

“Skill indeed!”

With her sword pushing Kaguya's blade towards her left side, Mokou slid her off-hand towards her back pocket. As Mokou's body began to turn, a glint of metal caught Kaguya's eye. In a fraction of a second, Mokou drew the weapon and hurled her arm at full force towards Kaguya's chest. There was no way to perform this maneuver without letting down her guard--Mokou had gone all-in.

Kaguya desperately tried to move her sword back into position, but she was too late: with a thud the dagger stabbed deep into her heart, embedding nearly the entire blade in her body. She fell backwards as blood spurted from her chest, turning her shirt red.

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow you CHEATING BASTARD you're not allowed to have two blades!”

Kaguya clutched her chest in agony as she extracted the dagger. Blood dripped down her back: Mokou's thrust was so forceful that the dagger had pierced her entire torso.

“I don't think we ever made such a rule.”

I had an idea, but I'm boycotting this thread due to violence against my waifu. Fags.

>>2485123

Who, Mokou or Kaguya?

I like them both.

>>2485108

Excellent! By George, this boy's gotten it!

>>2485152
no u dont
idort

>>2485123

Let me work a little magic on >>2485108

__________________________________

Kaguya shrieked in pain, stumbling back from her opponent, but Mokou only thrust forward all the harder. She could feel the dagger pushing against the tough wall of muscle that was the princess's heart, the blade grinding against bone.
Mokou ground her teeth together and pushed the dagger in deeper. Bright crimson stained the princess's clothes, spreading like an evil flower in bloom, turning her royal dress the dark colour of her life's blood.
Kaguya's breathing had gone shallow, each breath a pained, wheezing pant as she fought to suck in air. Blood bubbled from her mouth with each breath, frothing upon her lips.
Mokou found herself panting as well. Her grip on the dagger was so strong that her knuckles had turned a deathly white.

"You...STABBED ME!" Kaguya's voice was a howl. Her face was drawn with agony, her eyes wide with pain. "You stabbed me!" she screamed. Her sword slipped from her limp fingers, falling noiselessly upon the forest floor. "How dare....you?!"

Mokou pulled back savagely, ripping the dagger from the princess's breast. The long, drawn-out cry from her opponent was all that she could have wanted. Her dagger came free dripping with Kaguya's blood, leaving a red, gaping wound in her breast. Only then did she speak.

"Yes. I dare," she said flatly, no emotion in her tones. With a quick motion she drew the blade across her trouser leg, wiping it clean of the princess's blood. "That royal blood of yours didn't stop me, either. And now look...it's running all out of you."

>>2485108
That's one awfully long dagger for the blade to pierce through the entire depth of the chest.

>>2485245
Interesting. Wasn't Mokou supposed to be the furious one while Kaguya was the cold one? It seems that in this instant, their characters have been switched.

Kaguya shrieked in pain, stumbling back from her opponent, but Mokou only thrust forward all the harder. She could feel the penis pushing against the tough wall of muscle that was the princess's pussy, the boner grinding against bone.
Mokou ground her teeth together and pushed her dick in deeper. Bright crimson stained the princess's clothes, spreading like an evil flower in bloom, turning her royal dress the dark colour of her life's blood.
Kaguya's breathing had gone shallow, each breath a pained, wheezing pant as she fought to suck in air. Spit bubbled from her mouth with each breath, frothing upon her lips.
Mokou found herself panting as well. Her grip on Kaguya's boob was so strong that her knuckles had turned a deathly white.

"You...FUCKED ME!" Kaguya's voice was a howl. Her face was drawn with agony, her eyes wide with pain. "You fucked me!" she screamed. Her laptop slipped from her limp fingers, falling noiselessly upon the forest floor. "How dare....you?!"

Mokou pulled back savagely, ripping her penis from the princess's vagina. The long, drawn-out cry from her opponent was all that she could have wanted. Her penis came free dripping with Kaguya's blood, leaving a red, gaping deflowerment. Only then did she speak.

"Yes. I dare," she said flatly, no emotion in her tones. With a quick motion she wiped her penis across her trouser leg, wiping it clean of the princess's blood. "That royal blood of yours didn't stop me, either. And now look...it's running all out of you."

>>2485123
>>2485252

Here's my personal re-working of >>2485108. I just totally ruined it, perhaps.
________________________________

Kaguya shrieked in pain, stumbling back from her opponent, but Mokou only thrust forward all the harder. She could feel the dagger pushing against the tough wall of muscle that was the princess's heart, the blade grinding against bone.
Mokou ground her teeth together and pushed the dagger in deeper. Bright crimson stained the princess's clothes, spreading like an evil flower in bloom, turning her royal dress the dark colour of her life's blood.
Kaguya's breathing had gone shallow, each breath a pained, wheezing pant as she fought to suck in air. Blood bubbled from her mouth with each breath, frothing upon her lips.
Mokou found herself panting as well. Her grip on the dagger was so strong that her knuckles had turned a deathly white.

"You...STABBED ME!" Kaguya's voice was a howl. Her face was drawn with agony, her eyes wide with pain. "You stabbed me!" she screamed into Mokou's face, flecks of blood and spittle hitting her.
Her sword slipped from limp fingers, falling noiselessly upon the forest floor. "How dare....you?!"

Mokou pulled back savagely, ripping the dagger from the princess's breast. The long, drawn-out cry from her opponent was all that she could have wanted. Her dagger came free dripping with Kaguya's blood, leaving a red, gaping wound in her breast. Only then did she speak. Her throat was oddly tight, watching the princess clutching the evil red gash in her chest.

"Yes. I dare," she said flatly, no emotion in her tones. With a quick motion she drew the blade across her trouser leg, wiping it clean of the princess's blood. "That royal blood of yours didn't stop me, either. And now look...it's running all out of you."

>>2485264
Interesting. Wasn't Mokou supposed to be the furious one while Kaguya was the cold one? It seems that for this moment, they've switched characters.

>>2485261

I imagine that Kaguya usually puts up a calm front, as per royal demands. But when things go south, she can fall into a clothes-tearing, spitting rage.

Whereas Mokou is just angry all the time, in a very Frank Miller-esque way. Take it as you will.

>>2485264

I don't like to go too overboard; purple prose is just as big a problem as undescriptive writing. Read enough Eye of Argon and you'll be deathly afraid of that approach as well.

There's a fine balance, of course.

>>2485266
>>2485268

My interpretation for the story is a mix of a few canon and non-canon sources (Inaba&Inaba, Mossarism, etc). The basic idea is that both Kaguya and Mokou aren't particularly evil or coldhearted to anyone else--that's just how they treat each other. Kaguya's normally almost a bit of a ditz (see I&I) while Mokou is more calculating and logical. Both have a soft side, to some extent, but nothing near tsundere or anything like that.

When they lose their memory of why they're fighting each other, their hate for eat other falls apart as well, since their attitude towards each other is more of a facade kept up out of tradition, not their true selves. I mean, seriously, no believable character speaks naturally in the kind of melodramatic dialogue they use.

>>2485252

I did a few seconds of Google research for that one.

The Kaiken, a traditional Japanese dagger, is about 17cm long (6.7 inches), which should be sufficient to pierce completely through the chest of a wispy Lunarian like Kaguya.

Lunarians are the elves of Gensokyo.

>>2485283

Years of reading SciFi and Fantasy have made me develop a healthy dislike of purple prose. I always steer clear of overdescription or ridiculous similies(HIPS LIKE THE SWELLS OF GOLDEN GOBLETS), but I try to show my reader what is happening, and make it easy to visualize.

Plus, my take on your story was a retelling in the Grimdark, heavily dramatic style of storytelling that I usually adopt when writing about matters of nobility and such. Somewhat Robert Jordan-ish, with a little Tolkien and a little Robin Hobb for taste.
I'll readily admit that all that has no place in a lighthearted slice-of-life story like yours.

However, I did feel like stretching my legs for a spell. Or fingers, rather.

>>2485260

Mm, fresh copypasta.

>>2485307

>I'll readily admit that all that has no place in a lighthearted slice-of-life story like yours.

Indeed, though I also like the idea of a tad bit of alternating between styles. Note particularly the somewhat Nasu-like night scene; I intended a bit of a parallel with Shiki's nighttime prowls. The real conflict in the story will probably be between the two Mokous--the one that wants to take sweet revenge at the ones responsible for the situation, and the one that likes tempura and comfortable beds.

>>2485339

Perhaps you could develop her character a little during her stay? Surely being behind enemy lines would change her perception, so you can run away with that.

New thread @ >>2485382