/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>227743

Reimu
Money

Yuyuko: offer her lots of food

>>227743
I may be ronery, but I'm not that fucking pathetic.

Marissa: Steal her precious thing.

This is basically gonna be a thread of
Character: Thing to bribe the character with

Remilia
My body and soul

Alice
"Or else I won't be your friend."

Reisen/Tewi
Carrots, thousands of them

>>227787
BAD END

Alice:Say you like her and give her a hug.
if this doesnt work possibly comment on how nicely made Shangai is

Sakuya: Offer her a break, after asking Remilia for her permission. Then go out somewhere nice and tell her she should return with you to your home.

Yuka
Flowers

Well, judging by who I am, an mild-mannered alcoholic cook with a bit of a yandere-thing going on (think Kohaku, only male) I'd probably hang out with Sukia or any of the housekeepers. We'd laugh, drink together and just chill out. Eventually things will happen, 'cause they always do.

In the kitchen. With the lights off. Pure naked skin on the cutting board. Hands everywhere.
From behind. With a bottle of whisky.

>>227850

Wouldn't it be more Yuka: Beat the shit out of someone with a bat in front of her?

>>227850
worst idea ever

>>227850
Picked flowers.

>>227885
You are a proud warrior in East Asia, serving a most charismatic and ambitious young warlord by the name of Temujin. In his glorious unification of his ancestral homeland, you serve him with the might and energy of a hundred men. After the most magnificent of battles, you see a strange distortion of space, where two oddly clothed women, one who somehow appears to have several large furry tails, are dragging exhausted sleeping soldiers. You, knowing no fear, charge towards the women full bore. However, you misjudge the distortion, falling through time and space.

>>227993
When you finally gather your wits, you find yourself in a strange world, one you gather must be tales of the land far to the east beyond the sea. You find you have landed in a place called "Hakurei Shrine", and that the lady in charge is a miko by the name of Reimu. She's rather annoyed by your less than pleasant smell and tendency to devour a small feast at one sitting. Worse yet, you don't have any of this "money" stuff she keeps going on about.She mutters under her breath how you must be another "oni".

>>227996
Upon those words, a young girl with horns sticking out of her head leaps at you and pins you to the ground. "Another oni!" she squeals with delight. The two of you certainly seem sure to get along well together.
As time passes, you enjoy the company of this young oni girl by the name of Suika. Even your remarkable strength is easily matched by this girl, and her tolerance for alcohol outdoes even your own. She loves competition, and you find yourself exhausted, bruised, with many hangovers, and with a very sore pelvis (Although you agree that both of you won that competition very much.), and you couldn't imagine a greater reward for a warrior who must have been slain in battle and granted the delights of the heavens.

>>227998
One hot summer's day, you mention to Suika that the sun is a terrible thing, far too hot and far too bright. She agrees, and insists you two get drunk in order to cool down. Her answer for everything, and not a bad one at that. After what seems to be endless amounts of this liquor she calls "sake", you get a brilliant idea. "I should punch the sun!" you exclaim. Suika agrees emphatically. However, you sadly remember that humans cannot fly, and you just can't quite reach the sun to punch it, even though you try for a full hour. Suika then has a brilliant idea of her own. She will use her awesome strength to throw you at the sun, so you can punch it.

You fly through the air so fast, you are shocked to find that up in the sky really high, everything is black with a bunch of tiny spots of light. There doesn't seem to be any air up here... However, the woman you saw on that fateful day peeks her head at you, somehow traveling at the same speed you are, and explains briefly "Mongols are like Batman. You can breathe in space." What this means, you never manage to find out. As you reach the sun, you punch it with all your might. Or rather, you fly into the sun with your fist mightily stretched out. Even a mighty Mongol quickly burns to a crisp when he lands on the sun.

shit.

>>228009
Suika has realized this, far too late. She's sad that her new friend is gone. However, the freak occurrence of a total solar eclipse the next day warms her heart. You really did beat the crap out of the sun after all.

>>228015

;_;
Every single time
;_;

This is how I want to die.

>>228009
>lands on the sun.

>>228041
When you're a Mongol, you can land wherever you damn well please.

"Mongols are like Batman. You can breathe in space."

This has to be the most awesome sentence ever posted.

>>228065
Well said, Anon.

>>228065
Oh, I didn't realize that. Unsage.

This is probably the only Touhou copypasta story I like.

cirno sex story GO

>>228107
You sure? I enjoyed every second of >>227758

>>228015
fuck, that was beautiful.

>>228065
Except on China, lol

Youmu.

Don't tease her. Be in awe of her sword skills. Be willing to cook and clean so she can relax. Give her feet massages.

Never mind.

>>228236
When I read this post I blinked a couple of times and thought "this post doesn't make any sense at all" before realizing we completely derailed the original topic.

>>228236
>>227747

>>228236
Cook and clean, for a girl? What are you nuts? I want her so she can cook and clean for me, you crazy fag

>>228347
Why anonymous will never have a girlfriend.

Just as planned. Ho~ho~ho.

>>227842
Wouldn't work, Sakuya would never leave Remilia just to live with some 20 something jobless neet.

>>228372
Just for the night.

Well... wow.

/jp/ never ceases to amaze me. I think this thread is the all-time low so far, though.

>>228372

Patchy

Ecstasy.

Kaguya
Get her a new system with Q9650, 9800GX2 SLI, 8GB of ram and a 42" motherfucking FHD widescreen.

she'll be all over you in a matter of miliseconds.

alice

appear at her door with flowers and a smile

>>228347
What's wrong with you? The kitchen is a MANS place damnit, and no woman gets near my beloved kitchen-equipment that's for bloody sure.

Universal answer: Rape them till they like it

Well first you would need to become a girl, because they're all fucking lesbians.

>>228425
Zecakie will send you to hell before you can get the first stroke done.
Komachi can be sleepraped, on the other hand. she probably wouldn't notice.

>>228353
ronery > pussy whipped

>>228431
That's fine by me! Well, as long as I only have sex with other girls, that is.

>>228434

REPENT YOUR IMPURE THOUGHTS.

>>228436
Cooking and cleaning has to be done regardless if you have a girlfriend or not. Enjoy living with your parents until you're 30.

>>228449
I'm sorry ;__; don't send me to hell
um... like your hat!

>>228464

You are already in hell.
Prepareg to atone for your heavy sins, defiler of souls.

>>228464
>>228434
Anon was wrong and now is burning in hell. lol.
What Komachi needs is loev, not raep.

Sakuya: Tell her the real size of her breasts really aren't that important to you, and you love her regardless of how poorly endowed she is.

>>228501

Isn't it sad, Sakuya?
Pic unrelated.

>>228501

>>228501
And then you get stabbed at least 20 times before you realise that it was a horrible thing to talk about a woman's figure.

>>228501
Unlike the Typemoon universe, power and breast size aren't related in the Touhou universe. Isn't that right, Yama?

>>228515
inb4picrelated