/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Kill yourself.

Hi YAF, not funny.

>"Hi there Mr. Dick. You penetrated our vaginas! Why would you do such a thing?"
I laughed harder than I should have.

:D

Your "mad libs" still sucks, bro.

OH GOD THIS IS HOT

*SCHLICK SCHLICK SCHLICK*

>OH GOD THIS IS HOT

>*CHAP CHAP CHAP*

fixed

>>1655238
You're using too much lube, bro.

>>1655278
Get out anonyfag of /jp/

>>1655244
>>1655248
...no I'm a really a girl.

>>1655149

Hi, Anon. Not me.

Patchouli looks at the two of you and drops the book from her hands.
"Koakuma...what the hell are you two doing?!" Patchouli asks shocked and she blushes and covers her face in her hands.
You bitterly smile as you look down at Koakuma sucking your shaft.
"Umm...mmm...CHAP-CHAP... his cock is getting bigger...it doesn't fit in my mouth...ummm...SLURP-SLURP." The enchanted Koakuma massages your abs and sucks on you like a kitten does to its mother's titty.
"She said something about my smell, and this happened..."
"Then...why don't you hurry up and cum?" Patchouli reddens and yells at you.
"Y...yeah, but...it's not that easy..." you say, but your shaft is only half erect because of the shock.
"...the milk won't come out...ohh, I'm thirsty..." Koakuma says. "SLURP-SLURP...MUMPH-MUMPH...I want milk now..."
Koakuma flails her legs. Then Patchouli walks up to her.
"Koakuma, you have to do more to have him make milk."
"Is that so?" she says.
"Uh-huh. You have to tickle the tip like this or lick the sack up...massage his balls and the shaft if necessary." Patchouli kindly advises Koakuma.
"I understand. Let me try now!"
Koakuma flattens her devilish ears and wiggles her tongue on your shaft.
"Umm...CHAP-CHAP-CHAP...ohh..."

>>1655244

After a long walk between the bookcases, she stops. And she starts searching for that book.
"May I help you?" you say already seeing the book, and that Koakuma searches at the wrong place. You get the book down from the bookcase.
"Oh, you've found it!" she says smiling. But why is she blushing so heavily? She steps closer to you. She hugs you, you try to push her away, because your first thoughts was Sakuya and her silver knives...
But, her pretty hands won't let go of you.
"Oh? What's wrong?" you ask her surprised.
"...you smell good." She stares you with dreamy eyes. "Awww...your scent makes me dizzy..."
"Whaaaat!?"
"Umm...milk...I want milk..."
"Are you alright, Koakuma?" Koakuma looks at you vacantly and puts her hands on your pants.
What the...wait a minute!!"

ZIIIIIIP...

"Ohh!! This is super..." The electrifying sensation further raises in your shaft upward. "Your advice is working, Patchouli...you're sure experienced." You bear the pleasure and tell Patchouli.
"What do you mean I'm experienced? I just read that in a book. I've never actually done it, myself..." Patchouli timidly tells you this and quiets down.
"Sorry, I didn't know you hadn't..."
"Hey, don't make me say something like this!" Patchouli looks away, but she doesn't stop peeking at our act.
"Ummm...SLURP-SLURP-SLURP...you taste thicker than before...ohh...I want to drink it...please...ummm..." Koakuma erotically twists her hips and clumsily keeps stimulating you and you see that her tail elegantly sways as she moves.
"Ohh...I feel good, Koakuma..."
"I'll serve you good, so...give me a lot of milk...MUMPH-MUMPH." Koakuma buries her face in my crotch and serves your dick. You see her ears are still fluttering.
"CHAP-CHAP...the extract is coming out...ohhh, it makes me feel dizzy...umm..." Her warm tongue entangles around your shaft. The softness quickly takes you up high.
"Ahhh...I feel like I'm floating in the air...ummmm..." Koakuma sweetly pats and touches herself.
CHAP-CHAP-CHAP...
You hear wet sounds.
"Ah, my tummy feels numb....ummm...!"
BRRRR. She trembles as her body flushes pink. She continues to massage your dick.

>>1655284
What's that, darkie?

You are quickly reaching the edge:
"K...Koakuma, I'm...cumming...ohh..."
"Please...cum...cum a lot..SLURP-SLURP...ummm...." she strokes your dick with her hand and taps the tip with her tongue.
I feel a burning sensation inside me. The heat gathers at my crotch. Every time she moves her tongue, a hot pleasurable sensation seethes up.
"Ummm...ummm...CHAP-CHAP...cum, please cum now...MUMPH-MUMPH..."
She passionately pants and strokes you harder.
"...I can't hold on any longer!!"you say and after a moment later "I'm cumming!!"
Your groin tenses up and your concentrated extract rushes through your gun barrel and shoots out into Koakuma's mouth.

SPLAT-SPLAT-SPLAT!!
"Ahhh...umm...your milk...your thick milk is filling me up...GULP-GULP..."

"I will go and tell this to Miss Sakuya!" Patchouli says with a wide smile on her face.But probably because she sees your and Koakuma's shocked she changes her mind "Ah, alright alright. Then I won't tell her this. But I have one condition."
"What would it be?" you ask her, ready to make anything that she wishes.
"Then you promise me, that you will return to my libary!" her face reddens again as she continues. "you know.. to make me experienced, at those things..."
"Because you can't learn everything from a book." you say, helping her through to the end her sentence. "I think I can promise this."
"Okay, right... Koakuma please guide him out." she says and she disappears behind a bookshelf.

Koakuma looks at you blushed, and tired. She gives you a warm smile, then she speaks:
"I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist, your smell..." she turns away "I-I just... well where do you want to go?"
"I think..."

Suddenly, a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes materialized in front of them and stared menacingly. In a loud booming voice, it asked "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" and everything turned black.

When they woke up, they found themselves sitting in a lecture hall at MIT, amonst several dozen other students. "Welcome to 6.001" was written on the board. Professor Gerald Jay Sussman walked into the room, wearing his robe and wizard hat.

>>1655345
Go back to /prog/.

"Is this a hack?" he asked as he glanced around and saw the strangely-dressed group, shocked and staring back at him.

"What...?" Patchouli managed to say, all of them confused and unable to understand what had just happened.

"Nevermind, let's start the lecture." The Sussman said softly.

"I'd like to welcome you to this course on computer science. ... Actually, it's a terrible way to start. Computer science is a terrible name for this business. First of all it's not a science." The Sussman lectured while the students sat and listened attentively.

Nooooo! Not the Sussman pasta!

D:

"What's going on?" Koakuma whispered to Patchouli.

"I have no idea. But this is getting interesting."

"Or we'll actually see that computer... so-called science actually has a lot in common with magic." The Sussman continued.

"So procedures are the spells if you like that control these magical spirits that are the processes."

The Sussman produced a wand and waved it in the air, muttering to himself. A bright flash of light filled the room, and a stream of glowing parentheses shot out the end of the wand, dissappearing into the air. The students applauded loudly.

"But... how can he do that? He's only a human, right?" Koakuma whispered.

The Sussman, who up until now had paid no attention to the group, turned and stared at her with an astonished expression.

"What did you just say?" he asked, pointing his wand at her.

"And... well I guess you know everyone needs a magical language and sorcerers, right, real sorcerers use ancient Arcadian, or Sumerian, or Babylonian or whatever. We're gonna control our spirits in a magical language called LISP, which is a language designed for talking about... for casting the spells that are procedures to direct the processes," the Sussman continued, moving his hands in a series of complex movements as he spoke.

"What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," Patchouli muttered almost inaudibly.

Once again, the Sussman quickly turned and stared at her, retrieving his wand and pointing at her with it.

"Excuse me?" he asked, "What did you say again?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying to avoid attention.

"No, I'm pretty sure you said something. Please repeat it for us, so as not to miss a fine learning opportunity."

"She said, 'What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic'," Koakuma exclaimed. At the sound of those words the Sussman's face turned a bright red.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!!" The Sussman shouted angrily. "By the power of the Y combinator I send thee to the land of Java!"

>>1655374
Continue.

what the hell is going on

>>1655400
It's a /prog/ uprising.

>>1655318
>>1655345
Nice combination.

>>1655389
Fuck yes, there's more, right?

>>1655310
THIS IS SUPER!

"Now perish!" The Sussman shouted, conjuring a huge pair of parentheses from his wand, which surrounded the group and enveloped them in a closure.

"What do we do now?!?!" Koakuma screamed at Patchouli.
"I don't know!" she shouted angrily in reply as the both of them hammered as hard as they could against the invisible, unyielding walls of the closure.

"I hope you learned your lesson, freaks!" The Sussman exclaimed, as the closure rose up towards the ceiling with the two trapped inside, exploding into a shower of white parentheses as it hit the top. The Sussman returned the wand to his pocket and continued lecturing.

...

"Where... are we?" Koakuma whispered as she opened her eyes to find Patchouli lying next to her.

I'm cobbling it together in an image, just waiting for the copypasta to be finished before uploading it.

>>1655406
>/prog/ uprising.

You have never witnessed a /prog/ raid before have you?

"I think that guy said something about the 'land of Java'" Patchouli said in a low voice as they both sat up to find themselves in an empty office cubicle. The sound of mouse clicks and typing could be heard coming from around them.

They cautiously walked towards the opening of the cubicle, which lead to a long, brightly lit hallway that seemed to go on forever.

"Let's find a way out of this place," Koakuma said.

>>1655466
Are raids and uprisings the same thing?

They walked into the cubicle beside the one they respawned in, but it wasn't empty; there was a desk, a computer, and an expressionless, bald man with startingly white skin sat there, staring into the monitor and pressing the keys frantically. They could see he was playing Perfect Cherry Blossom.

>>1655486
Picture yourself in a thread filled with progsnake.

"Umm... excuse me? Could you ---" Koakuma began.

The man remained focused on the game.

"Hello?!?!" Patchouli screamed at him while waving her arms across his eyes. The man remained undisturbed, and continued to graze with astonishing accuracy. Even when she covered her eyes completely he did not miss at all.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" she exclaimed, kicking him and then the monitor; but nothing refused to move --- it was as if there was a barrier surrounding him.

Seeing that nothing in the cubicle would respond to their attempts at moving or destroying it, they gave up and walked out into the hallway.

"This place sure is wierd," Patchouli commented sadly, "let's see what's in the other ones."

They visited several more cubicles, but the situation was the same; in each one was a man playing one of the Touhou series, and none of them could be disturbed by anything they did. After a while, it became apparent that almost every one of the cubicles was identical, and the hallway seemed to go on forever in either direction.

They continued to walk in silence, looking into the cubicles on either side for any sign of escape. One of them seemed to be empty except for a single purple book lying exactly in the middle, and aligned perfectly with the four walls.

"This one's different! But... what can we do?" Koakuma said as they entered it.

WELCOME BACK STUDENTS CLASS IS IN SESSION TAKE OUT THE FUCKING GUN AND GIVE IT TO ME BITCH DON'T ACT LIKE I WON'T THROW DOWN I WILL TOTALLY HIT YOU WITH MY JAVA BOOK LOOK HOW BLOATED THIS API IS!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WE DON'T NEED THAT MANY BUILT-IN COMMANDS. AND NEITHER YOU YOUR GUN. THANK YOU. OK STUDENTS, BEFORE WE BEGIN, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF. I AM THE MASTERRESTAM EHT I, AND IT'S PRONOUNCED "THE MASS TERRASTEM AT AI", BUT YOU MAY CALL ME THE MASTER, AND IT'S PRONOUNCED "GOD", DO YOU UNDERSTAND? FILTHY /PROG/RAMMERS SIT AT YOUR CUBICLES UPDATING SERVER SOFTWARE USING DISTRIBUTED SYSTEMS WRITTEN BY OTHER PEOPLE, Q/AING FOR SOME YOUNG UPSTART THAT DIDN'T REALIZE THE DOT COM BOOM IS FUCKING OVER. THE ART IS DYING, ALLIES, COMARDS, fhtgnslcnvbhfgdfsdfj, AND IT IS UP TO US TO STOP IT. STOP CHURNING OUT BRAIN-DEAD CODE MONKEYS FROM INDIA! STOP RELYING ON CONTRACTED STAFF TO HANDLE YOUR NETWORKS! WE NEED NOT YOUR IT SOLUTION, JUST DISSOLUTION. I WILL TEAR THE MAGGOTS FROM YOUR SKULLS IN CLUMPS AT A TIME, HOPEFULLY REMOVING THE PARTS OF YOUR BRAINS THAT MAKE YOU IDIOTS, AND HOPEFULLY I EARN A SMALL GAIN ON YOUR INTELLIGENCE EVEN WITH THE LOSS OF YOUR MOTOR SKILLS.

ANYWAY WHERE TO BEGIN THERE IS SO MUCH TO COVER, BUT LOOK AT THE TIME. I MUST REMOVE MYSELF FROM THIS CHAIR FOR FIVE MINUTES TO POUR A GLASS OF GREEN TEA AND INEBRIATE MY SENSES WITH A POT OF RAMEN. FOR IT IS 1:41AM AND TIME TO SMOKE MORE.

STUDENTS, LEND ME YOUR QUESTIONS, AND I SHALL PROVIDE FORTH ANSWERS. ASK ME ANYTHING. STUPID QUESTIONS WILL BE MOCKED BY MYSELF AND THE OTHER STUDENTS. THEN I WILL SKULLFUCK YOUR MOM. CLASS IS DISMISSED. WELCOME TO COMPUTER SCIENCE 141.

Patchouli reached for the book, and to their surprise it moved with her touch. She picked it up and turned it over.

On the cover was a picture of a wizard and the words "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs".

"Structure and Inter--- wait, is this the SICP that snake mentioned before we ---" Koakuma exclaimed.

"I think I remember now!" Patchouli shouted excitedly. "It said something about reading SICP!" She opened it and turned to the first chapter.

/r/ sussman yukkuri

They started reading the first chapter, and just as they finished the first section, the lights of the cubicle flickered and the two of them were once again immersed in darkness.

"What now?" Koakuma asked, "didn't we read it?"

A deep rumbling sound was heard, and the floor began to shake. They held onto each other as they felt themselves falling through it, then fainting.

They woke up to find that they were back where they started, and the huge black snake head was still staring at them. Patchouli continued to hold the purple book tightly against her chest.

"You have read your SICP today", the head hissed before disappearing into the air.

On most browsers, you can bring up your browsing history by pressing Control-H. (No, this is not going to become a discussion of werecows.) On Firefox, this brings up a sidebar that shows up on the left side of the window. If you put your mouse over the edge of the sidebar, the cursor will turn into a different kind of arrow. By clicking and dragging it, you can move the edge of the sidebar back and forth. You are, to put it another way, manipulating the border between the normal window and the history window. By moving the mouse, you can increase the portion of the window devoted to either part. In a more extreme view of this situation, you're increasing or decreasing the amount of existence the sidebar has.

Now, let's apply this idea to something more abstract. Look out your window. If you don't live in a highly urbanized area, you should be able to see the horizon. Think of this as the border between the land and the sky. The land and sky are obviously distinguishable thanks to this boundary. Now, if you were to "drag" the sash between the sky and the land, or to manipulate the border between land and sky, you would end up causing the sky to become larger and the land to become smaller, or vice versa. An effect of this might be to cause something that was just on the ground to suddenly be hundreds of feet in the air. Truly a frightening situation to be in. So, look at it this way - manipulating the border between two physical things shifts whatever balance there is in the interaction between those things. Alternatively, by manipulating the border between two things, you can change the manner in which they exist.

Still, this isn't *that* abstract, since it's still dealing with real things in the real world. Many believe that in this world, there are those things that are true, and those that obviously aren't. This divides reality into two extremes: truth and falsehood. But, since we have two extremes, logically one can imagine a boundary between those two extremes - the border between truth and lies. If one were to manipulate this border, suddenly things that were pure fantasy (flying pigs, for the sake of argument) have become reality - or things from reality have ceased to exist. This is how Yukari is said to have invaded the moon - by manipulating the border between truth and lies, as applied to the reflection of the moon on a pond, she was able to make the reflection of the moon into a manifestation of the actual moon, and so send her youkai army onto it. This is what's truly amazing about Yukari's power - the ability to manipulate the border between completely abstract concepts allows her to fundamentally change reality as we know it (at least in terms of two abstract concepts).

HAHAHAHA
YOU THINK YOURE THOUGH UH ?
I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU
THE FORCED ISOLATION OF THE HIKKI
GET IT ?
I DONT THINK SO
YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY WAIFU I GUESS ?
SHES 2D
AND IS NAMED ``ALICE''
OK YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT NEET
THIS IS /jp/
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO POST HERE ONLY IF YOU HAVE ACHIEVED RONERY
LONELINESS IS ALL ABOUT ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
I HAVE 1CC'D EVERY TOUHOU
IF ITS NOT DONE YOU HAVE TO
TOO BAD IT'S SHIT, RIGHT?
IT'S SHIT
ALSO
WELCOME TO /jp/
EVERY NORMAL WILL BE SHUNNED
NO EXCEPTION

Is that it?

Read SICP, receiv satori

i am a JAVA. i ahev a long doc and i make programs w/ my API. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will hax your anus tonight and make a mess of your computer and ass

>>1655644

>>1655640
But I thought Alice had integrated 3d?

Tell me if I missed anything.

Why does /jp/ and /prog/ share userbase?

>>1655766
Cool people think alike? ;_;

>>1655766
Because /jp/ has the highest population of posters that started back when no one knew about 4chan. People who hang out in /prog/ are also likely to be internet oldfags who have gone through several things when they were newer, including 4chan.

/jp/ is basically just /a/ /prog/ and /vip/

>>1655843
>/a/
if you aren't talking about old /a/ im gonna cut you

BOKU WA THE SUSSMAN DESU

>>1655876

>>1655885

>>1655887

あなたのSICPを今日読んだか。

> Why does /jp/ and /prog/ share userbase?

Have you read your SICP today?

quote this post if you've never been to /prog/ and you don't get the fucking jokes

This may surprise you, but
>>1656013
>>1655998
>>1655937
>>1655927
>>1655898
>>1655887
>>1655885
>>1655876
and
>>1655871
is in fact the same person.

wat

>>1656044
I'm one of those and not the others.

>>1-999
SPAWHBTC

>>1656036

>>1656044
This may surprise you, but this may surprise you.

>>1656086
This may surprise you, but i'm not very surprised.

hello im fairX the haxxor join my community of hackers if you payme enough i will give you access to a private area of haxx ;)

>>1656143
lol ur a skiddie and everyone in your irc channel is a skiddie. I am a elite black hat, I make my own sploits instead of ripping them from Milw0rm or by sucking the dicks of other skiddies, heres some advice stick to phishing myspaces instead of started shit with people out of your league.

-SYST3M F41LUR3

>>1656143
I gave all of my money to daddycool
can I still access your private area of haxx?

>>1656143
Hello and welcome to /jprog/. Xarn said he might not make it tonight but it's going to be a fine party anyway.

What's going on in this thread guys?

abc abc bca bca abc aabc

ITT why /prog/ needs to become an imageboard.

I want more SICP snake and Mimi Usa pictures.

LOL SKIDDIES

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fjqq7-FkzI

>>1656188
You could go to that terrible sovietrussia board if you really wanted to

>>1656187
Valid ABC code

epick thread xD

sticky this shit xD

>>1656163

HI GUIZ I'M SYST3M F41LUR3 I LIKE TO CLONE ATTACK WITH SHIT SCRIPTS THAT KINGSKROWN GAVE ME AFTER I BEGGED AND SUCKED HIS DICK I THEN GO BROWSING FORUMS FOR PROXIES BECAUSE I CANT GET MY OWN I NEVER DO ANY OF MY ATTACKS ON MY OWN IN FACT IM LOWER THAN A SKIDDE SORRY TO SAY, I hope i didn't scare you guys!

>>1656208
your an idiot

>>1656209
wow clone attacking how fail.....SYST3M F41LUR3 sure lives up to his name....

>>1656166
There is no need to worry, Hopefuly Taro, Christopher or The Ginger will show up instead.

real hackers don't go around making myspace pages and youtube accounts to brag, they certainly do not post on 4chan either your all skiddies.

>>1656209

lulzy Pr4GM4T1C, you are not any better.. you little fag:


e107 0.617 resetcore.php SQL injection & remote commands execution

wow, you must be proud!!!, milw0rm, download, upload, and h4x0r 4ll t3h e107's!1112

you damn kid, stay offline

>>1656188
/r/ sussman yukkuri

1. jeepee
2. jep
3. jay pee (Faggot)

LOL LOL how do I code shell?

take this shit back to hackthissite.org ..........

>>1656223
LISP it easy!

>>1656237
I'm sorry, but did you perhaps mean to say Scheme?

Someone seriously has to draw a Sussman yukkuri.

I fail at drawing otherwise I would've done it.

God i wish somebody would get rid of that awful site Milw0rm....

>>1656143
>i will give you access to a private area of haxx ;)

do u ave maple story bots

The nomads were not there on this dark day, however. There had been a rumors of Guido in the forests of the north, who was suspected to be developing a new, even more woesome and fail snake to do battle with the almighty Satori. They had pursued the Guido over 9000 times in the past, only to turn up nothing in each adventure. That fucking Guido was sneaky like a fucking snake.

The Sussman stoked his wizard beard as he hummed the tune to SICP… today would be a well-balanced parenthesis.

The Sussman sat on his wizard throne, still donning his standard wizard hat and robe, which was still dripping from the shower in which he put them on. As he stroked his neckbeard he pondered the things which the Satori ponder. Beneath his feet lay the broken fragments of the python, the foul demon summoned by the Sussman’s nemesis and anticudder Abelson, then slain by the worthy and brave Haskell nomads.

Cons turned to Cudder, “Report?” Cudder was dressed in the standard garb of the Haskell nomads - relatively light armor gilded with the holy symbols of Haskell. The Nomads didn’t need much armor - they traveled fast and they traveled hard, almost as hard as the Sussman rides your sister’s ass every night when you’re alone in your room whacking off to the sacred tomes. And they were armed to the teeth. They provided a deterministic and constant effect to the battle, such that their arrival could almost be curried to optimize the battle’s execution speed and bring it to a quick close.

“Nothing sir, the eastern quadrant appears to be empty. Not a thing could be found.”

Cons, without even having to ponder this responded, “Excellent. check the other three quadrants; if anything is found recursively subdivide and search until we’ve harrowed the location down to a single square inch.”

“Yessir!”

Discipline was tight in the Haskell nomads. If a given expression did not behave deterministically he had to be wrapped up in the shroud of the monad and returned to the homelands after a ritualistic suicide - they couldn’t afford to have monads in their tight-knit battle group. It just wasn’t acceptable.

They had had to perform a ceremony just the previous week. One of their dear comrades, Reed, had begun to perform differently from usual. A cursory inspection revealed that he had was indeed infected with the deadly disease and dispatched accordingly. Cons stoked his neckbeard. Reed was gone, celebrating the afterlife with the Lambda of Plenty.

His thoughts were interrupted suddenly by a bang!

“THE CAMLS!”, someone shouted.

“Damn,” Cons thought, “those fucking Camls and their fucking imperative features polluting the noble concept of functionality.” The Caml may have once been a noble race, but no one remembered such a time. Their syntactical swords were riddled with a chaotic mix of operators, a cacophony with few peers (Perl is among them).

Cons drew his two beautifully forged parenthesizes from their sheathes, the air filling with a glorious ring. Normally a weapon not wielded by the nomads, he had been gifted the pair b the Sussman himself and learned to use them well.

An Ocaml warrior suddenly jumped out and threw a malformed interrobang in an attempt to corrupt Con’s deterministic purity by destructively assigning his state with referential transparency (a black magic considered one of the darker evils from the depths of hell). Cons took up his parenthesis and swiped at the Caml with a quickly-crafted lambda function, but the Caml inferred the type of attack and was successfully able to evade any side effects. He didn’t notice, however, that Cons’ intention was not to slay him with the lambda but rather to incorporate the lambda into a foldl incantation to collapse the Ocaml’s state into a single return value. The Ocaml let out a scream as the tail-recursive function produced a single value from his state without any side-effects: -3.

Quite a weak Ocaml, Cons thought to himself. He glanced around at his comrades; for the most part they handled themselves well. The attack, though sudden was fairly small, most of the remaining Ocamls not dead were either dying or attempting to exit the current execution context. His subordinates hadn’t taken much damage though, one had been expanded into an array and then operated on in-place. Cons shook his head; it was a terrible torturous way to die, but honorable nonetheless.

Back at MIT, the Sussman was eating a tuna fish sandwich, something reserved for the aristocracy. The catchphrase on the can read, “You cannot tune a filesystem, but you can eat a tunafish sandwich!” It wasn’t very well-received, of course, but it was well-enough known at this point to remain.

this thread carries out and is w.

The Sussman munched on the delicious, moist tuna thoughtfully when all of a sudden he sensed behind hi a list comprehension. THE ABELSON! The Sussman leaped out of his seat, his wizard hat almost flying off his head (it was kept on by a quick (def (f x y) (f y x))).

And just in time - the Abelson’s blow, intended to truncate the Sussman’s tuna-filled spleen his the wooden wizard chair, which shattered into a thousand pieces.

“Well, well Sussman, I see you’ve maintained some of your skills from 6.001. You may have dodged that expression, but how long do you think you can hold out against my Python3000?”

“THREE THOUSAND?!” the Sussman shouted in response, cackling. “You never understood, Hal; you couldn’t defeat me with PythonOver9000.”

“What are you talking about Gerry. I’ve seen your powe–” he stopped, mouth agape as the sudden realization dawned over him. “NO, IT CANNOT BE!”

“YES. YOUR SUSPICIONS ARE CORRECT, HAL. I’VE BEEN SUPPRESSING MY POWER LEVEL.”

“HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??!” Hal shouted. In desperation, the Abelson hurled a fury of list comprehensions, dictionaries and exceptions at the Sussman, but Gerry easily knocked aside the feeble incantations.

“HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??!” Hal shouted. In desperation, the Abelson hurled a fury of list comprehensions, dictionaries and exceptions at the Sussman, but Gerry easily knocked aside the feeble incantations.

“You never understood, Hal,” he chastised as he prepared his final attack, “it was always as simple as EVAL-APPLY!!!!!!!” he shouted as he unleashed the ultimate spell at the Abelson.

The world froze.

Few people have ever seen a spell of such power; few people could even wield it and even fewer were willing to use it. In this terrible, suspenseful moment, the world froze. Completely. This isn’t just a literary artifact, something had segfaulted.

Sepples took a look at the screen. “Motherfucker!” he swore. Somebody had been running a fucking Ruby interpreter, which has exhausted not only the machine’s physical memory, but also used up all the allocated swap space. He’d have to reboot the system from the last savestate and re-run the computation another day.

Shit.

www

>>1656336
>>1656333
EXPERT Copy/Paste failure.

WHAT'S GOING ON???

THE FORCED HAXING OF THE ANUS

>>1656392
epic win lol

>>1656036

Guido van Rossum waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were trolls in the Internet. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Sussman were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Guido was a Python maintainer for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the SICP students and he said to dad "I want to write a programming language daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY TROLLS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the /prog/ board of the W4C he knew there were trolls.
"This is Sussman" the radio crackered. "You must fight the trolls!"
So Guido gotted his browsar and posted a thread.
"HE GOING TO PISS US OFF" said the trolls
"I will flame at him" said the cybertroll and he fired the forced indentation arguments. Guido BAAAWed at him and tried to made him give up. But then the thread was locked and they were trapped and not able to flame.
"No! I must flame the trolls" he shouted
The radio said "No, Guido. You are the trolls"
And then Guido was a forced indentation of the code. Thraed over.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Once, not too long ago, in a sleepy, forgotten island in a distant sea, there was a village. This village worshipped strange idols, disembodied heads of non-eulcidian geometry from which one could sometimes hear fearful sounds, cries both human and not, of distress, agony and rapture, and from which a mysterous eldritch power could be felt. A wind constantly flew from these idols, as if the air itself feared their presence and tried futilely to escape, a wind of madness that carried with it the minds of all men and women foolish enough to live near them in an unending frenzy of terror and madness. All of them, that is, except for a single old man, who spent his life sitting at the base of the idols, and laughed. At others, he laughed, as if their very existance was nothing but a joke. At all things, he laughed, as if there was nothing in this world but a gigantic farce. At himself, he laughed, as if his own existance was the punchline. Certainly he himself was mad, a madness so deep it developped into a deranged sanity none could understand.

There one day came a young man, full of knowledge and confidence, who came across the madman, and the madman's laughter grew stronger than it ever had. Nettled, the young man spoke.

"And what, pray tell, amuses you so? What do you see that I do not, that I know not? What could someone like you have to teach me?"

The old man's cachinnation only grew stronger. As the young man was about to dismiss him as a madman, he finally spoke, calming his guffaws.

"What could an old man like me have to teach you, indeed? A man such as you could not possibly learn anything from me, yet I will and I must try, for you will not understand."

"Then speak, elder, and I will keep an open mind."

And the old man laughed.

"Then listen, young ignorant, and know the truth of the universe, and of the infinite power of the Head Gods. At the top of the world stands the 9, the idiot savant who guides all things. None but the mad and the unthinking can understand this being, for its mind is unfathomable and inhuman. It, perhaps, does not even register than anything exists beyond its simple world. Acting as its messenger is the angel with a thousand eyes, who shifts all things on her wings of obsidian and leads all to death and insanity for her own amusement, and overlooking everything is the Devil of the infinite void, who does all and cares for none, for none of this world belongs to her."

The young man scoffed, dismissing all this as the insane ramblings of a madman. Yet the old man continued, never stopping, and the young man could not bring himself not to hear it, finding, to his horror, that the frail mocking voice of the old man was searing itself into his brain.

"Then who does this world belong to?" He found himself asking. Yet he had never as much as considered the thought. The old man laughed, and the young man saw in his eye a glint of desperate dementia, of something both human and beast, and something else.

"It belongs to The Thief, who holds the universe she stole away in her infinite, destructive love. And holding The Thief, supporting the mass of the universe on herself, is The Reimu, mistress of all and posessor of none. All respect her, and all love her, and all answer to her, and all fear her, for, you see, she holds the world on her head, over the infinite void."

"But then," the young man's voice asked, independantly of his trapped, terrified and dying soul, "what holds The Reimu?"

And the old man laughed.

"Oh, no... It's Reimus all the way!!"

And the wind blew. And the young man laughed. And the old man laughed.

And in the village, a young boy tore away at his laughing mother's womb with his bare hands, all the while chanting in a demented scream:
"'ri! 'ri! Yu'kuri shee'teh y't'enneh!"

wat

IF U WERE FLAMED FOR USING LISP TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR SUICIDE CUZ ID B N DAT CUNTS HOUSE N SHOVE SICP DOWN HIS THROAT!
//`'''```,
o // LISP `.,
,....OOo. .c;.',,,.'``.,,.`
.' ____.,'.//
/ _____ \___/.'
| / || \\---\|
|| || \\ ||
co co co co
WE TRUE SMUG LISP WEENIES
WE READ SICP TOGETHER
WE COUNT PARENTHESES TOGETHER
send this SUAVE SPACE TOAD to every thread you care about including this one if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 6001 your A TRUE SMUG LISP WEENIE

I am a computer programmer, which means I'm fat, nerdy, and have a tiny cock. I got AIDS from paying a cheap whore to fuck me, since I have no love in my life.
When the doctor told me, I went to the only thing I knew -- SICP.
I slammed my penis between two copies of SICP. It swelled up to twice normal size and fell off. I was worried.
I woke up the next day with incredible abs, a 14" rod of steel, and no HIV. I'm now an adult movie star, banging porn stars.
Thank you, SICP!

I could feel Asakura lifting her knife up. Where would she start? The throat arteries, heart? If I knew how I was going to die, I could at least be prepared. At least let me close my eyes...what's this!?

I suddenly felt the air shake. The knife began to fall upon me... At this moment, the ceiling gave out a loud cracking noise, followed by debris falling down. A loud booming hiss which seemed to sound like "Have you read your SICP today?" filled the air. I lifted my head and discovered... Standing in front, catching the blade with his crotch-snake, was the robed figure of The Sussman.

"You and your forced indentation." The Sussman said in his usual expressionless tone, "You think you can defy my power?"

"You want to get in my way?" Asakura sounded calm. "Once I kill this person, Suzumiya Haruhi is bound to have some sort of reaction. Only then can we obtain more cudders."
"You are supposed to be my backup." The Sussman said in a mantra-like tone, "This sort of insubordination is forbidden; you must obey my commands."

"What if I refuse?"
"Then I will send you to the land of Java."
"Would you like to try? I have the advantage here, since this classroom belongs to MIT."
The Sussman removed his wizard hat and set it on the floor before removing a wand from a pocket on his robe. He pointed it at the knife in her hand and murmured. Shortly after, it started glowing brightly. Then, like the sugar cube being placed
into a cup of tea, it slowly crystallized and dissolved and fell towards the floor like powder.

Asakura released the knife and jumped five meters away. Opening up the distance in an instant, Asakura landed elegantly and continued smiling as usual. The Sussman raised his wand and pointed it directly at the ceiling, not taking his eyes off Asakura. The wand released a wave of glowing white parentheses and the space around The Sussman began to distort.

"It's time for some ENTERPRISE QUALITY!" Asakura cheerfully cried as she conjured the spirits of the JVM, producing a flood of boiling-hot coffee that rushed its way towards The Sussman, who stood motionless, parentheses continuing to issue from his wand like electromagnetic radiation.
"You think your turkey solutions can stop me?" The Sussman said calmly before lowering his wand, forming the pool of parentheses now gathered around him into a sharp pointed cone aimed at Asakura. Suddenly he shouted "LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISP!" and the parentheses shot forward into the waves of coffee, pushing the boiling hot liquid back towards where it came.

"Nooooooo....." her cries became weaker as she became engulfed in the dark brown liquid. Everything turned black and I felt as though I had fainted. I awoke to a familiar voice.

"...before we do that for the next couple of lectures we're gonna be talking about..."

I opened my eyes and raised my head to find myself seated in a lecture theater. I glanced at the clock and found that I had missed most of the lecture. "Damnit! I was looking forward to the first lecture of the last semester of 6.001!" I thought to myself.

>>1655796
I came.

This thread is entertaining.

>she conjured the spirits of the JVM, producing a flood of boiling-hot coffee

lol'd hard

>>1656613
>>1656616
>>1656625
I can't believe someone actually saved this.