/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Hilarious sex scenes.

>>1585094
KANJI DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

Mollusks.

It just feel flat most of the time, especially in FSN.
His writing doesn't have any "impact" so to say, it may be the fault of the translator though.

>>1585114
You hate laughing, you say.

>>1585132
Personally, I blame Message.

>>1585094
Judging from the translations, overexposition.
Tries to hard to make you understand the situation or how a character feels.

Also, he keeps repeating stuff.
For example, Archer's speech before his confrontation with Shirou could have been cut in half, and still be as informative.

Finally, weird analogies he makes up that seem completely out of place.

>>1585132
It has an impact in Japanese, but not in a good way.

This is a very good thread.

I wouldn't blame TakaJun, I'd blame the editors. And yeah, my main gripe with Nasu is his verbosity.

>>1585142
why what's wrong with him

>>1585166
Oh yes, FSN is no stranger to this.
What was that one in HF in shirou's dream?
Something like "it feels so good I could vomit".

That doesn't even make sense.

And yeah, things tend to be repeated ad nauseam.

>>1585219
It feels so good that I want to vomit.
A woman's back is before my very eyes.

Sakura apologizes, but her pussy squeezes my erect shaft even harder.
...I could ejaculate any second now.
Our genitals are wet with her juice and my pre-cum.
Sakura's pussy still has some room even after accepting me.
It expands, contracts, wraps itself around me, and squeezes me.
The varying movements are like those of an educated prostitute.

Too much repeated shit.
You sometimes read something on one page only to read the same thing on the next page except worded in a bit different way.

>>1585219
I think Nasu just tries to be original without taking into account whether what he comes up with sounds fucking retarded or makes no sense.

I don't hate it, but I blame Message. Goddamn him.

>>1585214
I FFFFFFFFFF'd IRL

>>1585214

11/10 still raging

>>1585114

Listen to 'Emiya' when reading these for epic sex battles. Shit was SO cash.

But seriously, I like Nasu's writing. He's good at making an emotional connection with characters, his story concept is excellent, and his fight scenes are overwhelmingly badass.

The only problem is the way he overexplains things, like the half-hour he spent with Kotomine talking about Sakura's condition(more than once) and the way ideas pop up randomly and are completely ignored later(i.e. 'must take control of Holy Grail immediately upon completion to save Sakura, it's the only way', but then later she's fine with just a Rule Breaker).

Anyways, if you consider him a bad writer, then who's a good one?

So, how would /jp/ rewrite those scenes?

He rambles on too much about unimportant shit and uses a lot of really bad figurative language.

Basically, the same way I wrote in middle school.

>>1585273
That's a hard question, but let's humor it.

For one, with Sex scenes, I'd take a 3d person narrative approach, just describe what Shirou does instead of using 1st person.
Keep some of the dialogue, omitting the weirder ones.

Just this should make them much less awkward.

>(i.e. 'must take control of Holy Grail immediately upon completion to save Sakura, it's the only way', but then later she's fine with just a Rule Breaker).

Wasn't that just Kotomine's suggestion? He didn't know about the Rule Breaker since he never fought Caster in that scenario.

>>1585263
Don't know if I can fault kotomine too much about his over explanation of everything.
Unlike everyone else he's supposed to ramble on endlessly to annoy you talking about shit that also annoys you.

If kotomine isn't annoying you then he hasn't talked long enough.

>>1585294

Third person would be weird. All you need to do is reduce the metaphors and whatnot by about 80%, and reduce the overall length by half.

>>1585294
BTW, I would apply that to 95% of eroge scenes in all VNs.

I just hate the way he repeats the same thing over and over again. How many fucking times did we have to read about Shirou dreaming about Saber's past? Or Shirou's training in the shed. Etc, etc.

Repetition? Oh, hell yeah, that's a problem, but it can be funny sometimes.

In during THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR THIS CHAIR

Nasu's analogies make no fucking sense whatsoever.

Also, chill with the mother-fucking explanations.

>>1585094

Shiki, SHIKI and Roa's hatred of chair's is indeed quite laughable.

It's mostly TakaJun's super literal translations and the terrible Mirror Moon editors for Fate/stay Night.

More than one writer (and artist) works on this stuff now, so you can't blame Nasu and Takeuchi for everything.

>>1585944
She's fat. What's there not to understand?

>>1585986
what exactly fucking a pot of meat feels like

>>1586010
Feels good man

The fuck are you guys talking about? Nasu makes the best stories ever.

>>1585944

Nasu's sex scenes are hilarious for that reason.

Overdone explanation of his systems. Like I really need an in depth discussion of how time works in the TM universe. Just be brief about it.


Also he's repetitive. Almost as bad as the Crimson Shadow trilogy by that joke of an author. I mean come on, how many times must you bring up Cyclops' having no depth perception. Jeez.

>>1585976
Maybe this explains why Tsukihime is better?

>>1586274
Kill yourself.

Sage for people hating on my favorite writer.

I can't stand even looking at this thread.

Personally, I think it's awesome that Nasu is able to cover so much of the visual novel with a conversation that goes in circles. When I read Rin arguing with Archer about whether or not Rin was the master, I knew I would love it. But perhaps I'm used to it from Terry Goodkind's writing, making everyone seem inconsistent and retarded but still having Richard as an overall awesome guy. Unfortunately, Soul of the Fire is so much bullshit that I can't stand to continue. Enough fucking chapters from Kahlan's perspective.

Also shit: Robert Jordan.

One thing that's stupid is the guy put so much work into giving you a good story, and succeeded on a lot of fronts, yet you go ahead and act like it's complete trash. 20 hours plus, there's got to be a good chunk you find tolerable somewhere in there.

>>1585944

Pot of meat... WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?

>>1587136

About meat.

I had a dream about a pot of meat yesterday. She was too fat so I couldn't j-jam it in.

>>1587136
If you think of tightly packed warm hamburger in a small pot that analogy isn't actually that far off to how it feels, really.

>>1586318
lol

>>1587191
Ewww. I'm glad I'm a virgin.

I personally really like Nasu's style. Sure he tends to overexplain things, but in my opinion it rarely gets bad enough to be a major problem. I think his analogies are unique and usually good (mollusks being one such exception) and his writing has a recognizable style that's enjoyable to read.

It has its high and low moments. I'm fine with the massive expositionhammers, it's some of the overdramatization that gets to me, mostly.

That, and seafood. By now, it's become too much of a joke not to think about it every. fucking. time.

Pic related.

Is it even possible?

>>1586017

I'm not too fond of his style overall, but his repition and bluntness tends to work out when describing gore or when characters are going psychotic.

This might be why F/SN fails so much in comparison to Tsukihime.

In many ways Nasu's writing is like ZUN's art.

>>1588096
TH12 scares me.

>>1587931
lol no wonder they took forever on the translations. I would too for this kind of eye-bleeding hilarity.

>>1585944
>Pot of meat

I will never look at pot roast without laughing for the rest of my life.