/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>13371380
There's a few proofreading errors; you put "designation" instead of "destination", "can" instead of "man", and soforth.

Other than that, a promising start. You didn't rush madly into anything, basic pacing seems OK, and mgs in frontier-mountain-men setting isn't something I've seen much of before. Would read again / next update.

One thing I would say: 27 lines is kinda short for an update, as >>13371394 (and everyone except Alp) will tell you. Give us something a bit more substantial to sink our teeth into next time, even if it means waiting longer before publication.