/jp/ - Otaku Culture

"Ho-ho-ho!" The person said, slowly turning around. I wondered if I'd fallen asleep at some point. This was about ridiculous enough to be one of my dreams. "'Tis I, Saint Nicholas! You may call me Santa Claus if you wish!" Either I was dreaming, or I'd been hit on the head very hard. It was a woman. That much was clear from the body shape, because the outfit, all red with fluffy white trip, was just slightly too short and too tight, and I could not only see the shape of her chest, but a bit of her navel where the top didn't meet the bottom. She was a large black best with a bright, golden buckle. Her hat was at a weird angle, and there was something poking out from underneath it to the side, but all of this was just secondary to the massive beard and moustache she was wearing. They were both snowy white, and looked like they were probably incredibly itchy. "I am here for the Christmas ritual! It's for children! So, I will be taking these, and I will sell them back to you at a later-" Then, she was forced to dodge to the side slightly as a blue-white laser burnt through the space she'd just been in. Behind her, I suddenly realised that there was a large, circular hole in the wall of Keine's house.

Something about this seemed very...familiar, I thought. "Did you destroy my wall!?" Keine roared. She was looking very upset now. "Who are you!? Not this Saint Nicholas, I presume!?" Santa Claus stopped and watched her for a moment. Then, her eyes shifted to me. Her eyes...Were familiar too. Who? Who was this?

"Fear not, my dear!" Santa Claus replied. She sounded like she was putting on a booming, almost masculine sounding voice, but not very well. "I have left your toys here." She indicated a strangely wrapped present sitting on the floor. "These are my payment!" Here, I started to feel a murderous sort of aura coming from Keine, and I edged slightly further away. "Now, now, dear, there's no need to- Gah!" This time, Keine shot forward, and before Santa Claus could do anything, Keine had grabbed her by the fluffy white collar of her outfit and slammed her head against hers. Santa Claus went straight to the floor, bounced, then rolled before landing on her feet. "Oh, I'm not doing this one." She growled, ripping the fake beard and moustache from her face. Then, my jaw dropped.

I did recognize her. I knew exactly who this was. Seiga Kaku. Miss Seiga. I'd had an ill-fated date that had ended with me nearly turned into a jiangshi. I said her name incredulously, and both Keine and Seiga turned to look at me incredulously. Then, Keine turned back to her, a very dangerous look in her eyes. "You..." She murmured. "You're the one who tried to turn him into your puppet. Enthral him!?"

Seiga scratched her head, only to touch the cap on her head. She tutted in annoyance, then chucked the item to the side, revealed her strange hair style and the long hairpin that stuck through it. "Stupid thing." She muttered about the hat. "Ah, I remember you now! Oh, and it was such a lovely evening we had, too...Did Marisa Kirisame ever tell you that I wanted to see you again?" I took a step back involuntarily. "You've been telling tales." She commented. Her eyes glinted. "Yes, dear, that would be me. It's so nice to have your handiwork be appreciated, don't you think?" Keine's gaze somehow got more murderous. She looked at her sack, then down at her outfit. "Hmm...I smell another hermit's handiwork on you. You've been spending time with that goody-two-shoes, haven't you?" I grit my teeth and didn't answer. "Well, not that it's any business of mine. We hermits love our privacy, after all. We can do...Oh, just about anything without any prying eyes."

"Don't ignore me!" Keine shouted. Her body was starting to tremble, and I had a feeling it wasn't from fear.

"Hush, dear. Stick to school children. You're clearly not ready to talk with the grown-ups." My eyes narrowed too. I wouldn't have anyone talk about Keine like that. "Speaking of, do you have any disposables? Spare kids that aren't being used? I love working with kids, you know. It's so easy to-" With that, they were off. Keine roared and shot forward, her arm reaching out for Seiga, who smirked and tipped backward, grabbing Keine's wrist as she did so and pulling them both out of the hole in Keine's wall. I rushed over to see what was happening and was relieved to see that Keine was okay, though I was a little worried about the fight that was now happening. I turned to run down and try and get someone who could help, but as soon as I was down the stairs and through the front door, I was knocked to the side. I got my wits about me and realised that there was some strange pressure on my arm. I looked over and shouted in shock.