/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I'd never forget her

>>46723586
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The question rings like a gong; 'I am here to protect', would be easy to say as it's the truth… But is that still true? Bitter as it is, thoughts run in circles inside my worn-out mind: Mr. Hieda has shown no qualms about harming and potentially killing the people of this village to stop Keine from getting an 'advantage', clearly wanting this war and even keeping my apprentices as guarantees. He's a warmonger and Kanako-sama would've never accepted this job if she knew what he was up to, but all that spawns from the attempts to destroy the village's balance even more—does that even mean something anymore? Balance? 40 years of maiden work, 10 filled with insane combat in the height of incidents around Gensokyo and then 10 of relative peace… Everything crumbled in a mere year.

And it all started with the HSE.

The HSE that shattered Gensokyo and has caused so much pain it's becoming unbearable—Hana suffering, being held by Reimu, her mother and the one that destroyed the poor girl's infancy, the only one who moved and who'd soon gently place the crying girl in Marisa's arms…

Rage—so much unexplainable rage stirs inside. I should've taken action; she was trusting me—she was thoroughly abused, traumatized, twisted by those devils, and…

Hana was raped because I couldn't be there for her.

Failing so spectacularly, so unaware of all the signs right there. But I couldn't come closer, not with me being so very busy with preparations for the Winter Festival, preaching against the HSE, and staying away from the main action by Suwako-sama's desires.

I'd trade all that just so I could've been there for her…

“I don't even know anymore…” I mumble, right hand rubbing my left biceps, looking away from Kosuzu and so missing the moment the sharp edge of her hazelnuts burns away into something more soothing, leaving behind only a motherly concern.

“… Are you feeling okay, Sanae-san?” Silence perpetuates, eyes not meeting Suzu's. The woman moves then and, quickly, closes the entrance of the mini-Suzunaan, hiding us from the festival outside. “You're… worried about Hana-chan, right?” The rage of before threatens to rise, but it fades amidst tiredness, so I merely nod as Suzu retakes her seat, tapping on a stool to her side. A lurking voice whispers about Mr. Hieda, but I ignore it and sit down—for the first time since the end of the party, that is. “It feels like it happened forever ago, but it's been just a couple of days. Hana is safe with Reimu, isn't she?”

“… She is…” I pout for a moment, but swallow it down. “I went to visit them yesterday; Hana seemed well-fed and wasn't harmed at all and… Reimu didn't seem like… She rebuilt the Hakurei shrine, did you know? All by herself. It looks new. It's maintained and all that. There's not a nail out of place, and Reimu appears to be taking care of herself very well, too… She's much taller than me; I had forgotten. Stronger, physically and magically—she's only got blessings, and I'm a living goddess, and…” I deeply scowl and before I can properly think, bottled-up frustration overcomes my mind and erases any filter I might've had. “Why did it have to be Reimu?” The librarian stops, her brown eyes studying my face. Then pity springs up in there, burning me to my core. “It could've been anyone!” It could not. Who'd be strong enough to face Yukari at that point? “Mima, if she hadn’t been so pretentious; Yuuka, if she wasn’t such an idiot! Maybe Suwako-sama or Kanako-sama if they had shown up—it could've been me! It should've been me! Hana looks up to me! Treats me like her mother! And yet… I just let her be taken away!” My eyes burn. “I even considered siding with Yukari and carrying that statue to the HSE, just so I wouldn't be cut off from Hana's life…”

It was such a weird moment to just let all those weird feelings out—in the middle of a potential war. What gives? I don't even know Suzu particularly well… But she was there—not entirely, but nevertheless—and now she tenderly holds my shoulder as my hands rise to hide my face, my fingertips strongly pressing against the scalp, body arching forward a little.

A few moments of silence hang…

“… I'm a failure.” It had a final intonation to it, my hands falling and arms supported on my knees, green hair disheveled.

“You're not a failure, Sanae-san!” Suzu retracts her hands, but I make no effort to look in her direction; her words anticipated and as hated as I expected them to be if I'd told all that to either Kanako-sama or Suwako-sama— “You haven't given up on Hana-chan. You could've, but you did not.” What the…? Confused, I turn to her, and Suzu fixes her glasses pensively before resuming. “… If not bothersome, Sanae-san, I'd like to tell you a history. I think it'd help you. May I?” My posture straightens, my mind hurting still from that night, desiring nothing more than go home and play with gunpla, but she's sparked my curiosity…

So I nod, and Kosuzu smiles.

“It’s a history about a man who’s lost everything.”