/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Carrying a pregnant woman is something I've grown used to. She's my wife, after all. My goddess wife… who’s very drunk right now. The body of a goddess 'purifies' the alcohol in her system so it doesn't affect the baby—it hasn't been affecting 'the baby' for the past six years—but she still ends up always wasted. How's that even possible? Well, that's something that I, a common man who lucked out and married the prettiest woman in the whole of Gensokyo, cannot wrap his head around. Heh, to know such engagement would come with carrying her body all the way back to the shrine…

Nah, don't think I'd have chosen any other way.

Sanae giggles to herself, face warm as she presses her inflated breasts—pregnancy is one cruel mistress—harder on my back, an action that'd leave wide-eyed young me all those years ago a blushing mess; now I merely hum. “What's so funny?”

“Kio is kicking~” She mumbles, sounding ridiculous due to the erratic pitch of her voice.

“Oi, oi—stop kicking your mother, brat! I'll kick you!” I joke with a comically evil tone. Sanae punches my head repeatedly, like it is a table, and fills the night with laughter. Ouch…

“He's jus—hic—t a tiny baby, villain~!!” The punches go on, rapidly losing strength as she slouches her chin over my shoulder, her closed eyes not doing any favors to hide the silly-looking expression she bears. Gorgeous… If only I could marry her again. “Don't kick muh tiny baby~”

As I laugh, we reach the top of the stairs, the shrine just ahead; as always, Suwako-sama awaits us on the veranda, thoroughly entranced by the bundle of joy she holds: Arlette, our youngest kid at 16 months. Suwako-sama's eyes lift as we approach, Sanae lowly mumbling about fighting a terrible villain that harmed her baby. “There you are, love birds—things apparently went well at the Hakureis.” She makes that cute, froggy face as she stares at Sanae. Cloaked by the night and visible just now that I'm a few feet away from Suwako-sama are our 2nd and 3rd youngest at 2 and 3 years, Shiro and Aida, respectively, my boy sleeping soundly inside a blanketed basket and my girl the same way, but tucked beneath Suwako-sama's sleeve, head resting on her lap.

“Good evening, Suwako-sama!” I bowl to her, Sanae's hair displacing with gravity and covering my whole face as I straighten my spine; it brings a small chuckle out of Suwako-sama—even her hat laughs too. “Reimu and the others are all good; they sent their regards, too—sorry you couldn’t come just to babysit my kids!” I kneel to have a better look at my youngest girl, “Say hi to mama and papa~” I whisper to the baby and Sanae hums in delight, though she seems to have fully fallen asleep; she's dreaming, then? Adorable~

“I can go a night without partying. You should be worried about your other three kiddos and the things they did to Kanako.” A mischievous smile takes over the goddess' face as she looks out to the other side of the mountain, confusion settling inside as I gently shift Sanae's weight a little.

“C'mon, they couldn't have been much work—they're just kids.” And Kanako is also a goddess—a strong one at that. She shouldn't have much trouble taking care of some 4-, 5- and 6-year-olds, the three of whom should be sleeping at the moment.

“Heh~you're overestimating her, papa-san. Kanako is very weak when faced with overwhelming cuteness, you know?”

“… Well, yeah, but everyone is weak to our kids' overwhelming cuteness~” I say proudly, Sanae nodding in her sleep. Suwako-sama shrugs in a motion that reads 'touché'. “But I fail to see how that translates to—”

“—Kanako let them eat the whole pantry's sweet selection.” Suwako-sama cut me off, smug in her delivery as she softly rocked my baby up and down.

I froze immediately, pale. “T-The whole pantry?”

Sanae woke up immediately, sober. “T-The whole pantry?”

Suwako-sama blinks, snickers, and then bursts into a melodious, rather frog-like giggle. “The whole pantry~”

Just as the frog goddess said that, the sky above cracked open with a light show—danmaku—three tiny blurs whizzing by from the other side of the mountain lightning-fast; loud, shrill and childish laughter emanating from them as the sheer quantity of bullets filled the skies as if trying to encapsulate the whole universe and its stars; those are some lunatic-tier bullet patterns!

As missed bullets came towards us and the shrine, a true storm of tornadoes formed and launched all bullets into the clouds. “STOP ALREADY, YOU THREE!!” That's… Kanako-sama's voice!

We watched as the three blurs, still giggling, flew away from the fourth; Kanako-sama visible against the danmaku aurora that she had formed; she looked awful—eyes wide, posture crazed and desperate—as she pursued my oldest daughter and two older sons. “Ugh, I'll go help her…” Sanae mumbled in a daze as she left my back, gave me a kiss and flew away.

Sighing but used to the absurd, I sat down by Suwako-sama, got my youngest daughter in my arms and, nursing her, enjoyed the show.

Too late, nerd, I got there first.