/jp/ - Otaku Culture

As an editor should I also be looking for way to make lines generally read better? Or just keeping an eye out for missing letters and the like? I ask because I feel like I've read through lines that come out kind of awkward, but I'm assuming it's because the translator tried to stay as close to the original as possible.

e.g.
"I see a fan right in front of me……and a beautiful person with gentle eyes who fans me"

At least to me reads awkwardly compared to:

"I see a fan right in front of me... and the beautiful person with gentle eyes who is fanning me with it"
or
"I see a fan right in front of me... and the beautiful person with gentle eyes who is using it to fan me."