/jp/ - Otaku Culture

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The moment I enter the room, talk fades. Eyes are over me, and women scramble to put distance between us, herd mentality spreading with each clack of my neat shoes against the floor. I grin in the silence, hiding behind curtains the blow done to my little maiden heart. I walk to the shikigami, closing my parasol and exposing my verdant green hair and shining red eyes, and if there was any doubt it was me, it evaporated just as quickly as the line to the counter.

"Beautiful morning, isn't it, Ran?" I say. She doesn't attempt to hide her utmost despise, turning and leading the way—not before putting a terrified kappa on the reception and whispering 'relay to him: she's here', the poor kappa's eyes over me as if expecting swift death. I do not deliver; I simply follow Ran.

I can feel the proverbial breath of relief being released as I leave the room.

The same pattern repeats. I go to the dressing room and dress in the mockery of red and white—flipping the lust magic woven into it like it's a switch—and women scramble for their lives. My walk through the attractions, games and baths is sprinkled with looks of terror and whispers, and even the slightest narrowing of my eyes is enough to drain all color from their faces. They don't say my name, but my reputation precedes me, and it's necessary only the sight of iridescent threads or blood eyes to send fear crawling through their spines.

I look forward; Ran's about 4 meters ahead of me, with no one to bump into, even though the building is notably crowded.

… It's certainly lonely.

We stop in front of a door, the taste and feel of magic surrounding it a marvel of magic control. Ran stops still, as if struggling, yet no amount of fighting overcomes coded subservience, so she quickly opens the door and walks away from me as fast as she can. I lose my slight smile, alone in the corridor and, suppressing a tired sigh, go through it, the expansive and breathtaking recreation of the Hakurei Shrine before my eyes in a show of magic prowess, dignifying of one of our sages, coated in the dying embers of Fall's colors…

Yet, I hate everything.

I hate that again and again I have to resort to this place—my eyes land on him. He doesn't wince, sitting on the veranda peacefully—I hate this shadow that looms over my every waking step—I see the fuming cups, the smell of juniper filling the air—I hate that I have a name, but it's never said; it's always 'her', 'the monster', because, in others’ tongues, my name might as well be the call of a curse—I stop in front of him.

"Yo, Yuuka—beautiful morning, isn't it?"

I don't respond. I can't. My throat is frozen, and my eyes are streaming with tears. I sit by his side on the wood, lay my cheek on his shoulder, and lowly cry.

Decades came and went. It never gets easy.

"Had a hard week?" He asks calmly. I nod. "… Did you plant any new seedlings?" It takes a moment—a cool breeze blows past us and through the wind chimes, producing a sweet and lovely tune—but I nod again.

I feel the incense hitting me like a drug, and I know what will become of me. As the master of flowers, the air and smells have a much greater effect on me, and unlike the magic knitted in my Miko uniform, I cannot switch it off, only receive its dosages and have my mind tampered with, the beast born of nightmares howling to be released and do unfathomable harm to this gentle soul that offers his shoulder for me to cry on.

It's so, so selfish. Yet—this is the only place I truly have where my name won't be a curse, but just another name.

… But… It's different today. Other people wouldn't notice at first; the difference is almost unnoticeable, negligible, yet to a Flower Master, it's like night and day.

The incense was changed.

Instead of awful thoughts and a lust impossible to contain, my head fills with the sweetest of pleasantries.

It's like smelling the first bloom of spring.

My sobbing slowly dies out, Anon glancing at me a bit shocked as I left his shoulder, my smile sweet, handing to him his steamy cup of juniper tea, cleaning my tears with the other, "I… planted some Giant Sungolds the last weekend—the energy of Gensokyo has had a spike in fertility, and, although it escapes me the cause, the energy it releases is perfect to use in cultivating more robust types of flowers." I feel bliss with the incense brushing against my senses, not an ounce of lust.

Anon smiles, 'oooh'ing and sipping his tea, his eyes shining with hope. "What I wouldn't give to have your magic, Yuuka…" I giggle, blush, and elegantly nod to the compliment. "Where did you even get seeds for that, though?"

My grin enlarges, "Well, you see…"

I leave four hours later—a mere one in the 'normal' world—a happy smile on my face and under the same patterns as earlier, yet I pay no attention.

The shikigami stares at me as if I had grown a second head, and beneath the hatred, I see a thread of hope.

I nod to her, and, for the first time, I leave the HSE satisfied.