/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>Playing WoW
>As any normal individual who plays a female character would, remove all of my characters equipment and have her dance when idle.
>Playing a night elf hunter during BC, AFK in Ironforge
>Come back to my computer after about two hours~
>Some guy has whispered me, I kid you not, 100 times
>Shit like "work dat ass" or "mmmm shuk ur corn hole"
>Think it's just some 13 year old kid, laughing up a storm in his basement
>Start talking to the guy, level 14 Dwarf warrior
>He asks for my e-mail, decide to give him my alt-email that I use for sketchy sites to register
>Be sent 2 GBs of audio clips of him jerkin his bearded gherkin, along with a picture of his dog (it's name was Flashy)

A few years ago, I decided to spend my NEET week leveling mining and shit on all my WoW characters.
I never felt so much "at peace".

Now the interesting part is, a friend came over during this week and I was still doing that.
And for five hours of my life, I spoke.
I was talkative, could say things without thinking them a few times in my head before (I think /r9k/ understands what I'm talking about)
I just spoke without thinking about it, going with the flow, and it was quite interesting, sometimes entertaining.

During those five hours I was another man.I belonged to this world, while still being myself, and able to reason normally.
Maybe all that farming replaced self-consciousness in my mind.
Being normal must feel like that I guess.I'm sure it's a good feel.

I was also reticent towards the use of medicine when my depression started to spiral. I value my chemical balance, everything that makes me who I am.
But when your brain is not even behaving like you want it to, there's little one can do. It's just another disease, something that can't be willed away.

I've been on Lithium Carbonate, Escitalopram, Citalopram, Lamotrigine. The thing with these sort of medication, specially SSRI, is that there is no panacea. Basically they start trying and see what dosage you react to better, side effects presented, and if it's even working.

Personally, I've been going through so many of them this past year that it all starts to blur together. I still have issues at times, and present some really annoying side effects, like lack of appetite (most food gives me nausea now, which is like a really bad joke because I love eating), lack of libido, some insomnia/hypersomnia. Overall, I prefer the drugged out me that still has a chance to get over things than the depressive me that closes himself until everything is beyond solution. But the worst thing I could have ever done is of course to think "hey, I'm feeling better" and stop taking the meds. SSRI have that, can't drop them cold turkey, or the depression caused will make you laugh at the original.

Oh, also Zoplicone for when I have serious insomnia. These pills are the ones that really freak me out.