/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>44912652
Reimu had eaten the last of her meager meal. She was still hungry. Maybe she could still call up a favor to get a meal, that dumb bird that ran the lamprey stand might be able to be conned into giving her a meal. Reimu felt a familiar presence and got up with a groan. She did not want to deal with this now.

Yukari greeted her with a smile. "Oh my, Reimu. You're not looking very good. Is something wrong?" Reimu groaned again, louder this time. She lacked the energy to deal with this. "Ah where are my manners, a gift" With a wave of her hand, a bag dropped from out of a gap. Waiting a second, Reimu peered inside to see groceries, enough to keep her fed for a week or so. Not wanting to appear grateful for the gift, she muttered a thanks under her breath."Well, enjoy~Bit I'm not just here to make sure you're fed, you have heard what your husband has been up to, yes?"

Reimu's eyes narrowed, any improvement in her mood soured "No, I haven't. What is he doing and why are you telling me?"

Yukari beamed and pulled out a brochure from somewhere out of her dress and tossed it in the table . Reimu started to read.

'The Hakurei Shrine Experience. An experience like no other for women looking for entertainment and relaxation. Step into the shoes of the Hakurei Shrine Maiden, as you entertain yourself with games and shopping that simulates a day her life. Experience the wonders and pleasure of married life as you meet the Shrine Husband of Paradise, the handsome and experienced lover. Eat delicious food, share stories, and more. Group rates available'

Reimu read between the lines. She rushed past being angry, jumped over being furious, and dodged being livid. She returned to being calm and focused. For anyone that knew Reimu, they understood this want necessarily a good thing. "So, he has sex with women for money" Reimu hissed.

"Oh don't put it like that" Yukari said, mock concern dripping from her voice. "You see over the years, he worked so hard and gave you so much love. But you didn't give much in return other then scars and black eyes. So this is his revenge. All those skills he learned, all that love he has to give, he'll give them to other women so they'll know what you threw away. But there's something else, go look at the ticket with the brochure"

Reimu flipped the brochure around and found a small envelope glued to it. Peeling it off, she ripped the envelope open and pulled out the ticket. It had a doodle of Yukari on it giving a 'oh, silly me' expression. Under it were the words. 'You are Banned from the Hakurei Shrine Experience.' Reimu slowly rotated her head to met Yukari's expecting gaze.

"You see, he doesn't want to leave you. He's just tired of being hurt. If you fix yourself up and become the woman he fell in love with, he won't have to find comfort in the arms of other women. He promised me that when he's sure you've changed for the better, he and Hana will return and you'll be a family. But until then, got his safety you're not allowed in. So I'd advise you hurry it up. If other women get a taste of him then..." Yukari is suddenly behind Reimu, slipping her arms over her shoulders. "They might not want to let him go"

"Ah. I see" Reimu said as she pushed away Yukari's arms. "Now, please leave"

With a small chuckle, Yukari opened a gap and stepped away. Reimu remained still, the only movement she made was the balling of her fists.

Days blurred into days, weeks into weeks, months into months. Time went on for Reimu, no matter how much she tried to deny it. The same dismal, hungry days continued. Her life was a haze of sleeping, moping around the empty and dirty shrine, and eating whatever she had. The brothel became a ever present nightmare for her. The gossip about it spread far and wide, so even in resulsive life, Reimu heard plenty about it. Whenever she was forced to go to the village, she usually found herself standing on the end of the street, staring at the building everyone but her could enter. The normal pity, disgust and fear she saw from the villagers was soon mixed with another emotion, amusement. They knew about the arrangement. How many times f the women whispering behind her back have been there, she wondered? Some bold visitors to her shrine had even snuck in donations with notes thanking her for having such a great husband. Of course, that damn crow had to join in on the mockery with her own review. If she got her hands on that bird, she'd regret ever picking up a pen.

Reimu rubbed her eyes a d did her best to fix her hair. No word from Yukari yet. Anon must be busy with his... work, and while she had heard no news about Hana, that girl must still be running around taking jobs to deny her payment. Winter was coming up in just a few months and she didn't have much of a plan. She just assumed something would happen and went off to clean the kitchen. There were too many bugs.

It gave her some hope that this was the nadir of her life. Things would improve.

>>44307251
Which of the dozens of twitter users did you steal this joke from?