/jp/ - Otaku Culture

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"—and then I gave her my prized set of daishogi… Hope she doesn't destroy it or something," Aya huffed, perched on top of the statue. I smiled a bit—Marisa…—, hands resting on my thighs and eyes closed, concentrating, sat by the donation box with my back to the shrine. "But that's the essence of it: they're planning on throwing Hana a birthday party… You should do something."

I negated with my head, though it just made her sigh, ebony brows likely frowning. "I don't want to exert the pressure of my presence on her, Aya."

"I know, I know—and I respect that… But you've gotta do something, Reimu. It's your daughter’s birthday party! I can't think of a better way to start healing than this.” My smile falls, her words permeating my head and not leaving, brewing restlessness… which leaves me through a sigh, eyes opening. Three hours of uninterrupted meditation. It confuses me how younger me never could achieve barely a full hour—I pick the bamboo bottle without looking, sipping the fresh water and nodding to Aya. "Just think about it—you don't even need to be there if you don’t want to… but do something to tell her you're still alive, that you think of her and, above all, that you love her."

An ounce of rage arises, but it's quickly killed, the scarf around my neck draining it and releasing it to the wind. The idea rubs me the wrong way, but to live deaf to others' words is a path I don't want to follow again. "… Like a present?"

"A present would be nice! Any idea?" I stop, looking at the sky. An idea… What would Hana like to gain? I've never been the type to indulge her in the material world; Anon was much better at that… My gifts were new lessons, a free day, maybe taking her around for a walk… I sigh with frustration: I really failed miserably at every facet of motherhood—

A slim hand claps my shoulder, and I turn to see Aya has a soft smile. "Get that frown out of your face, trying to get front-page'd?" She giggles and, spontaneously, I take on that expression I had when we first met and had that talk. Aya shivers, I silently giggle. "Gladly memory isn't hereditary; my kids would be born traumatized…"

No more giggling; I just laugh. She huffs.

"There we are, not the gloomy miko anymore—my best suggestion for a gift? Don't think what she'd like to get; that's a rabbit hole worse than one dug by Tewi. Think about what YOU would like to give her… Sometimes, just getting something nice from the people we love is enough."

My shoulders drop, and I scratch my nape. "That'd require Hana to love me still." It comes out with a prolonged sigh—oof. Aya elbowed me. "What was that for?"

"Taking the trash out; still think she doesn't love you?" Puzzled, I raise a brow. Aya smirks. "Heh… Hana's a troubled girl, WE made sure of that. Yet, deep down, beneath all we put her through, Hana is just that: a girl. A lonely girl seeking motherly affection and approval." Stretching her arms and wings, Aya continues, eyes warm. "You can provide those, Reimu. Don't expect easy or immediate returns; you know better than I do you don't get those from a feisty one like Hana… but if you show her you've truly changed for the better and give her a piece of your heart—" she gently touches the fabric of my red-white scarf, smile growing kind. "—then who knows? She might sew it to her own heart~!"

The reporter finished, and I had to take a moment to recover, dazed by her words… Hugging myself, I couldn't help but grin. "Already giving those advices? Sheesh, I can't even fathom what it'll be like when they come out." Aya laughs out loud. "… But thanks. Truly."

"No need! Good luck, 'Mu~gotta go, now!" We shared a hug before the crow tengu rose flight and, by the next second, was already far on the horizon. I watched in silence, looking up as the night started to take over and the stars pop in. Behind me, the shrine was spotless, so no need to sweep tonight—eyes, however, never left the cosmos…

… The idea to go there and stay away from those I love so much resurfaces in my mind, roots I don't think I'll ever manage to cut…

Yet, soft arms, small body, pointy ears, and two fluffy tails anchor me and my sins back to this land with palpable hope.

I sigh, smile, and kneel to restart my meditation, eyes closed…

… Hana's face appears in my mind—not what I think she wants, but something out of my heart…

I wonder what this withered heart could give a girl like her, a girl so fierce yet easily impressionable—oh, I don't think I'll ever forget those shining eyes when I killed that snake~—with a golden heart, but whipped by the terrible darkness of miko work—haunted eyes, scared and sad, after she failed to kill the rat youkai…

Her giant baby eyes, eyes full of life, full of tears, hatred, confusion…

… Eyes like mine; hair like mine—it made her so mad when the scarce visitors would sometimes call her 'Reimu Jr.'…

Eyes full of joy when Anon gave her that little Hakurei clover brooch…

And, just like that, an idea. I giggled all giddy.

"Okay, our research tells us that our target is the doctor. Eirin Yagokoro, from the moon. She's within Eientei, so we'll need to split up in order to capture her." Reimu frowned and turned her head. "Intelligence from the moon rabbit suggests that Eientei is nearly deserted, so we'll be able to comfortably split up. You," Shameimaru pointed at me, "You'll go in on the ground floor and see her face-to-face." She pointed her thumb backwards toward Tenshi. "You're our best bet at navigating inside, so you'll be with us. Marisa and Reimu will cover our defensive needs, and we'll regroup once we're inside. Any questions?"

"Excuse me?" Reimu asked politely.

"Yes?"

"Who's in charge, here?"

Shameimaru looked almost entirely unperturbed, but she did look back ahead and nod slightly. "Apologies. Awaiting your orders, boss."

Reimu smiled widely, then turned back to face forward. "Right, here's the plan." Then she nodded at Shameimaru. "Like she said. Good plan. Anything else?"

Marisa cleared her throat. "Mokou?" She asked. I couldn't understand what the reticent immortal's role in this whole thing was.

"Ah." Reimu looked back at Shameimaru. "Yeah. Okay, we're splitting up. Aya, you'll come with me to fetch Mokou. Marisa and Tenshi, you'll do the original plan. We'll meet up as fast as we can." I asked her what she would do if it took too long. "That's why Marisa and Tenshi are going in instead of Aya and myself. They've already got experience breaking in, and so does Mokou, so we'll be able to catch up quickly."

We were stood in a row on the cliff that overlooked Eientei deep within the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, and all of us were staring down at the building in question. I hadn't been here at night like the others had, so I couldn't say for certain if it was more or less dark than it had been, but I could see a few torches burning away, so I assumed that the place wasn't unoccupied. Marisa had mentioned seeing Fujiwara no Mokou slip away from Eientei with Kaguya Houraisan in tow during her story, but it seemed that such a fate wasn't going to happen on this occasion. It was early evening, with the sun's last rays stretched across the sky in brilliant pinks and orange.

"Are you sure she'll even agree to see him at this time of day?" Tenshi asked, putting her hands on her hips and turning toward Shameimaru. "A fine waste of time this'll all be if she doesn't even bother to bring him in."

"From what the moon rabbit said, she's not sleeping much, if at all. At best, her judgement is impaired, but even if it isn't, she's probably desperate for someone to shake up the routine." Shameimaru flipped her notebook open, then flipped through several more pages. "Yeah. Here, four days ago. I spotted her standing on the veranda sometime in the early morning and staring into the woods. She didn't do anything or move at all in that whole time, and then she suddenly turned and walking straight back inside. She's pretty emotionless usually, but whatever that was, it was creepy. She just stood there, staring, for at least an hour." Well, that just filled me with confidence.

"Alright, everyone knows their roles." Reimu said, taking a deep breath, though I noticed that it was just slightly shaky. She stepped over to me. "Listen, I know this must be difficult, but I believe in you. Okay?" I managed to nod. "You come back safe. You hear me?" I nodded again and forced myself to say that I expected the same of her. "Let's get going." She said to Aya. "Good luck." She said to everyone else.

And there I was, making my way to the front gates of Eientei, like nothing had changed. Like I was still that clueless, bumbling villager. I'd probably have let Doctor Yagokoro do whatever she wanted to me in that case, and I wouldn't have even known. It wasn't like I'd known that anyone would have missed me. But now...Reimu and I were family in all but blood. Tenshi, too. I found myself lucky to count Marisa as a close friend. And Yamame...Frankly, I should give Kogasa the hug of her life for knocking me down that hole. I owed so many people in so many ways for getting me to where I was now. And I needed to see this through.

Just as I rejoined the path toward the gates of Eientei, I reached into my coat and retrieved the vial that Marisa had given me at the Shrine. I uncorked it and cautiously sniffed it. It smelt like alcohol. It looked...kind of like alcohol. After a moment, I shrugged and tipped the whole thing into my mouth, then coughed harshly at the taste. It was quite possibly the most disgusting thing I'd ever tasted, and for a moment, I felt like forcing myself to throw up, but the taste faded from my mouth after a moment, and I let out a drawn-out groan. Never again.