/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>46778511
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I might've thought all those things, but crippling doubt still lurks inside even here, flying against the wind and about 500ft off the ground, ass cheeks hard-pressed on the broom, golden hair flowing as if water and one hand holding the jar of souls on my shoulder. “Careful not to fall; it'd be really embarrassing, but all but expected-a-ze—it's your first flight, so no worries. I fell a lot too!” My laughter travels the wind currents, broom flying far away from my top speed… Man, that bothers me like nothing else.

Reimu's determination; a sea of tears spent; and Patchy's few but meaningful words. All come to mind in a rush and overlay what twenty years of passivity have caused me—flight slowing down as my brows furrow and mouth is flooded by acid. Nothing of everything should've happened had Reimu had a good fucking friend to call her on her bullshit; Hana and Anon would have had a good life if an egotistical brat had put her feelings behind her, saw the big picture and acted… But that brat didn't move; she didn't decide to overcome her past crush, and so she stagnated in deep, self-inflicted misery…

She had the ability to unfuck the world in her hands, but she messed up.

Coming to a complete stop, I move the jar of souls from my shoulders to my lap, finger trailing the glass and—though lazily; already tired-a-ze? These children, man—the souls follow… So weird, huh? Forty years old, at the zero eclipse of my adulthood and start of my, ugh, third age. I will be wrinkled and white-haired in no time, and you three ought to be barely teenagers…

I really am a late bloomer in everything, huh?

I had time—a lot of it—, and wasted it on a past that'll never come back, on holding grudges and fears that should've passed…

Had Marisa Kirisame moved, she could’ve lost against Reimu and so been reminded of how powerless she is and that she’s fated to be secondary; she would’ve lost Hana and Anon, two of the few she can truly call family…

She was afraid, and she lost everything anyway.

Hana might've accepted her back as sensei; Reimu might've forgiven her; and Anon is more than willing to accept you, my three silly little guys…

… But your mother is still afraid of fucking everything up, of losing all to that stupid Gap Hag and of returning to a truly empty house—such a house may be called a coffin for all she knows…

A life controlled by fear.

…

I breathe in, then out.

Placing my kids on my shoulder once more, I slowly stand up. I have a little trouble balancing at first—juggling all three of you around really did a number on my body, ze…—, but eventually I manage to stay upright, the broom sizzling with anticipation as the air currents blow a slow, gentle breeze through my hair.

Heart pounding in my throat, I launch myself forward, my bare feet clenching ferociously on the broom's wood—fear, fear, fear…

For Anon, Hana and Reimu; for my children—never a mistake—; for a future I can be proud of…

… It's time to cast that nasty parasite out.

The flight picks up speed gradually, my skin itching from bubbling adrenaline, my hand gripping the jar so tightly it might break, Gensokyo below blurring, the wind on my hair turning from a chilly breeze to whizzing inside my ears. Giggles leave me in bouts as memories flood together with the heightened velocity, similar to a ‘shroom trip—to my right is Youkai Mountain, the Moriyan visible for a brief second before disappearing amidst the rock formations and trees—memories of memorable fights, silly moments that ended with me having to run for my life…

Times when this big smile on my face was a common occurrence, not as rare as gold.

I grew older—dumber—and let that whimsical spark that kept me going each day be snuffed by some of the worst life can offer, never brave enough to face my problems directly…

Marisa Kirisame went from badass to loser so quickly that it was perplexing, and instead of fighting back, she simply accepted it out of fucking fear.

I hate it.

I hate it with passion.

Gritting my teeth, I made a harsh curve up and, like a missile, took to the clouds, piercing them—thanking the heavens I’ve maintained the passive spell in my broom that breaks down icicle crystals formed in the stratosphere—like an arrow as the sunsetting Gensokyo became again shining midday, speeds increasing the higher I flew, a throbbing heart chastising each day eating mushrooms alone in the dark instead of doing something to help the Hakureis; of taking so long to teach Hana… Of never confessing or moving past my crush on Anon, air becoming increasingly hard to obtain yet doing nothing to stop my frantic mind, trying to prove myself something beyond my control, gazing beyond the stars—

—I slip.

2,000ft above the ground, Marisa Kirisame slipped off her broom.

There wasn't slow motion or silence. I watched in utter horror as my broom kept going up before gravity took effect, my only dominant hand extending towards it in reflex…

… Letting my children free-fall.