/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>15476068
Hey, you should be grateful. The only reason you're on the primetime slot and not still a desk jockey is because she likes you. You can't get anywhere without being willing to kiss (and fuck) a lot of ass.

>>15006425
Fine too, as are office Anubises. Really, any office fluffies are lovely.

>>14548880
If nobody pointed it out to you, then it's probably not as bad as that little greentext excerpt you posted. I'm going to break it down.

>Tia lied down on the raft like she always did and hugged her sword, which still felt warm from either her fire breath from earlier or maybe the inner fire that allowed it to strengthen any fire it came in contact with.

This is all one sentence. I mean, holy shit man. There's forty-two words in there, and just one comma. You've put "from" in there twice, with just four words between them. Is it warm from her fire breath, or her inner fire, or both? Why is this an uncertainty? Why is there a "maybe" here in the first place? A less experienced writer might put something like that in to colour their text, and believe me, I've seen it a lot. But really, all it serves to do is add needless fluff and obfuscate the narrative
The bit about the inner fire could be written much more intelligibly and simply too. I was in the middle of taking that bit apart until I realised that the inner fire was a quality the sword possessed. It seems obvious, but the poor sentence structure initially confused me.

Your second sentence isn't that bad, but I'm going to pick on that bit about the wing cocoon, just because it seems like an unnecessary addition to the sentence. I know why you put it in. You put it in to easily convey the image of her action to the readers, and to appeal to people in this thread. Because hey, people here like wing cocoons, right?
I'm criticising it for the same reason that I think writers here shouldn't use the word "loli" as a way to describe child characters in their stories. It's too on the nose, written in a lazy attempt to easily describe a character without actually describing them, while still making sure that those who like loli will see that and think "Oh, well I guess I have to like this now."
What you've done isn't nearly as egregious as that. In fact, I think most people will just pass over that without a second thought. But if I'm going to nitpick, you can be damn sure I'm going to nitpick thoroughly.

>>14484883
>>14484965
Scheduledog a bestest tho.

>>14485023
Sexy Secretary Anubis also good.
We need more Anubi in modern business outfits. Fetishized to varying levels.

>>14447465

>>14431949

>>14427605

>>14305606

>>14300696
The problem with that is that you can't just change someone's opinion like that. When a person's opinion on something changes, it's because of something the person has internalised and come to a conclusion to by themselves.
Think of it like Inception. You can't just plant the idea by telling it to someone in their dream. You have to engineer events in such a way that they form (or believe they've formed) that idea themselves.

That's why if you just tell a person their opinion is wrong, or based on misinformation, they're most likely going to reject what you say. People don't like to be told they're wrong.

>>14300751
I can appreciate something like that as a form of catharsis. Crying by itself is a cathartic act, but just letting your emotions pour out to the one you love while being as intimate as possible, and having them reciprocate and still accept you seems like it would be an incredible weight lifted of one's shoulders.