/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>Ask haku about famous zipangu !sengoku jidai battles
>She tells you of the great sake siege
>Where a clan of predominantly onis were holed up with supplies to last them for several years and plenty of entertainment (someone brought dice)
>Walls completely impenetrable. 5 layer thick defenses. Flawless defence.
>Foolproof plan.
>...Only they forgot the booze
>So, cunning human clan devises a plan to take the castle
>They instruct all the clans coopers to build the LARGEST sake barrel they can make
>Soldiers ordered to cut down swathes of forest to make the barrel
>Then, they gather all the clans sake makers, and order them to pour EVERYTHING they can spare into the great barrel
>A truly noxious, overpowering, highly intoxicating swill that nobody sane would drink
>Perfect for onis
>Wheel barrel up to castle's gates and knock thrice on the door
>"A GIFT FOR YOUR CLAN!"
>Large oni guard tells besiegers to get bent
>"IT'S BOOZE!"
>...
>Barrel rushed in and gate slams behind them, is quickly moved to centre of castle and all onis gathered
>Everything is going according to human clan's plan - the cripplingly dry and sober onis have all foresaken their weapons and armour in anticipation for a grand piss up
>Completely vulnerable and unsuspecting of what... or rather, who, is inside the barrel
>A crack team of the human clan's best samurai, including the !daimyo himself
>All they need to do now is jump out of the barrel and...
>they can't get out of the barrel, which is only the second most pressing issue
>why can't I balance properly?
>why are those big red women looking at me so lecherously?
>the human clan had literally PICKLED themselves in oni-grade alcohol
>couldn't walk in a straight-line, let alone fight a oni
>luckily for them, onis who haven't seen booze or men for months have a spot soft for drunk guys
>especially if they come with booze!
>massive party
>all ends happily, siege ends and clans united with one !daimyo's sloshed head being pampered in the other's lap

what's your wife's super move?
mine's Raping Demon

>>21822636
>beat to give up

>>21677531

>>21650019

>>20851866
You already know the answer.

>>20561846
>>20561836
This is me right now. Thanks, mates

>>20074596
Oni and dudebro is even better.

>>19713141
Give me one good reason not to.