/jp/ - Otaku Culture

You were caught and you knew it but you didn't feel guilt or try to hide it as Marisa approached your side, you simply let the knife rest in your lap and your arm sit where it was. Maybe you could've slipped the knife away and rolled your sleeve down, after all given the angle she couldn't have seen everything but you felt there was no point in hiding anything from her of all people. "It wasn't the moon I was gazing tonight." You managed to reply with a voice you knew was quivering lightly despite your best efforts, those swirling thoughts always did a number on you after all. Marisa approached your side finally and her eyes caught the sight you wished she didn't have to see but she made no reaction to it and if she did it wasn't verbal at least, you didn't face her even as you heard her sit next to you.
"I didn't mean to wake you. I apologize for that..." You said with your voice under control and the traces of that quivering vanished like the warmth of spring, you gave a glance over to the witch next too you. From what you could see Marisa was wearing her western style pajamas still, although you they did look warm you were sure she wasn't much warmer then you and it did hurt you a bit to realize yet again you're causing her discomfort thanks to your own failures again. "If you were a bit more attentive in your studies you would've realized that I had an alarm if someone opens my door ze~" you heard her shift slightly, "I was awake when you opened the door and once you were gone for so long I thought i'd come check on you... Turns out I was right to do so ze.". You breathed in deeply at her words feeling the freezing cold bite into your lungs a bit, "You always give me reasons to not underestimate you know? I should know by now you never slack off on things like this..." and you couldn't help but smirk in self loathing at this.
"Thats right you can't go easy when I have you in my sights!" you heard come from the sleepwear clad witch with a trace of forced amusement in her voice before her voice lost that pretense of joviality, "Is it really that bad, us taking care of you like this ze?". That question prompted you to turn your gaze from the yard you were forcefully focusing your eyes on to face Marisa. Once again that pang of pain rippled through your chest as her face made no moves to hide the worry she felt as she glanced between your face and your knife burdened lap with the exposed arm still sitting there as if you haven't given up on your course of action. You mulled over your words for a bit as you fixed them to your tongue from the muddy puddle that was your conscious mind tonight, "I just... I don't think I can do this again. I can't help but see that once again Reimu will become a monster when I'm not looking, everything will repeat again and again...".
A buried wellspring of fear and dread you felt hidden started breaking open from your chest and rising in your throat as you put it into words, "I tried so. so. hard to stick with it and became a... coward... just to keep up with the vows I held and the love I forced myself to feel. Even when Reimu almost killed me I kept up that promise thinking that even if she was sick it was just a matter of treating her." You cleared your throat as Marisa kept her silence, "I even got you two involved in this worst of all... You know that day I tried to bleed myself I was so happy, for the first time in a long time I thought I finally could rest after upholding my promise to heal Reimu.. but I failed and now you both are taking time out of your lives just to make sure I don't do something like this again...." you motioned to the blade on your lap. You sighed deeply, "I just want too rest, I don't see a future and i'd rather just end it then burden you and bring you down with me...", the water in your eyes was barely held back by this point but you didn't let it fall, it'd be unsightly.
Marisa hesitated for a bit but then seemed to resolve herself as she took your hand, "You really are an idiot you know!" she said with the familiar tones of levity in her voice again, "I thought you were smarter then this, have you even considered why I would ever bother sticking my neck out for you and watching over you? I'm your friend and... well... I care about you a whole lot, more then i've ever cared about anyone before ze~!". She was grasping your hand by this point and the warmth was welcome to you, "I don't care how long it takes or what Reimu turns into, I'd stay by your side forever if I had too just to make you happy!" As if catching herself she seems to settle down a bit and releases your hand, "So, I hope you learned your lesson and forget about this nonsense..." You could tell she was blushing even under the dim moonlight as she stood up and started pulling you up by your hand, "comeon, you'll catch a cold if you stay out too long ze~". As she lead you down the hall to the warm bedroom you could've sworn you smelled a familiar scent, the flower of a pink oni...