/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Kaguya enters the living room hoping to talk to you when you make your bid for freedom.
After 100 years of basket weaving you are skilled enough to quickly entrap her in a large woven basket while you escape.
But with her 200 years of experience in tap dancing she is able to sense the reverberations throughout the basket and pinpoint the weak point in the fibers to strike and destroy the basket.
It's too late, and with your 300 years of oil painting you used the few seconds she was trapped in the basket to paint every surface in the room to look like other surfaces, rooms, and hallways all with their own painted walls painted with similar paintings in different orders to confuse her sense of direction.
Unfortunately with her 400 years of blindfolded mountain biking she is able to close her eyes and navigate the room with echolocation by screeching and chases after you.
Luckily thanks to your 500 years of hedge trimming you are able to create an exact duplicate of yourself in the yard that draws her attention.
Tragically, her 600 years of baking key lime pies made lime, egg yolks, and sweetened condensed milk, and topped with a meringue topping made from egg whites, or with whipped cream leaves her able to detect that the faint scents of the ingredients of the pie you ate that morning led elsewhere and she determines your correct location.
Quickly, you use your 700 years of misdirection to trick her into using her 800 years of crime scene reconstruction to piece together a past scene you already played out earlier using your 900 years of improvised acting in anticipation of this very moment, tricking her into observing the past while you hide in the present.
You have five minutes until she uses her 1000 years of kite flying to manipulate the local atmospheric pressure to create a wind formation that creates a small vacuum pocket in the sky that will collapse and suck you up into the air for easy discovery unless you prepare

Eternal life with my hime wife~